Difficult People at Work

by Arthur H. Bell, Dayle M. Smith

Whether you work for them, or with them, difficult people can make life at work, well, difficult. These S.O.P.s-sources of pain-are only a small number of the people we deal with every day, but the major source of our frustration, anger, and dissatisfaction.

This book identifies twelve basic types of difficult people you are likely to encounter at the office. Each can be described in terms of two general coordinates: how involved they are with others, and how outspoken they are. At one end of the spectrum is the "bitter recluse," who prefers isolation to interaction with co-workers, and remains silent at meetings; at the other end is the "politician," who strives to develop a "power base" among other workers, and constantly lets the world know his or her opinions.

The best way to deal with difficult people-to render them harmless, even helpful, is to focus not on what they do, but on what we do in response to what we regard as their mean, selfish, destructive words and actions. Often our anger, however natural and justified, leads us to inadvertently make things worse. We overemphasize the negative and ignore any positive attributes difficult people may have, any constructive contribution they may make, and any turnaround they may attempt.

Instead of giving in to our own frustrations, we should practice the technique of "active listening." First, turn off all prejudgments and assumptions about the person talking to you and the direction the conversation might take. Next, listen intently. Focus your attention on asking emotionally neutral questions designed to get information-not nasty comments or hostile accusations. You might say something like "Tell me more about that" or "Canyou give me an example?" Repeat some of the person's key phrases and ideas, using a tone of interest, not judgment. This technique can actually help difficult people express themselves more clearly. Finally, after the conversation, jot down what you remember. This will get you into the habit of concentrating on information rather than personality traits.

Difficult People at Work offers many other strategies for disarming S.O.P.s. Each is illustrated by real-life business examples, drawn from more than five hundred interviews with business executives, managers, and workers, and from the latest research on conflict resolution, interpersonal dynamics, and effective business communication.

Difficult People at Workwill give you a set of easy-to-use tools for overhauling damaged business relationships and turning them to everyone's advantage. After all, peace is much more pleasant-and productive than war-in the office as well as everywhere else.

122 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2004

Reviews

[Tama · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wasn't sure which shelf for this one, but I bought it because of work, so it is on the higher-ed shelf. This became appropriate as I saw many personality types in this book that I experience at work! However, I also wondered where I fit into these personalities. The thing I liked is that the book not only talked about personality types, but how we may unknowingly contribute to them and what these personalities really cost the work place. I learned that several personalities that have been allowed to "rule" in my work place were destructive (knew that) but should not have been permitted to have the power to continue on their rampages. The book also gives strategies and examples of how to cope and/or mitigate these personalities. Maybe not a must read, but an informative read for anyone who works with other human beings/tyrants!

[Mobill76 · Rating 2 out of 5]

This reminds me of the 'Peanuts' special where Lucy sits at her "Psychiatric Help" stand and diagnoses Charlie Brown. She says, "If we can find out what you're afraid of, perhaps we can label it." As if that were the goal. This book is similar. Yes, the 12 personality types exist. But, I'm some of them at different times. Most people probably are. They're defense mechanisms. What good does it do to know how to work with them if you don't address the stresses that create them. This is a band-aid. Interesting, funny at times, but still a band-aid.

[GoldenjoyBazyll · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this book is VERY well done. It asks you to examine your own personality type... it describes the 10 SOP's (sources opf pain) and then offers logical advice for how to manage your own behavior in working with difficult behavior or situations.