This Too Shall Pass: Stories of Change, Crisis and Hopeful Beginnings

by Julia Samuel

If change is the natural order of things, why do so many people struggle with the milestones of life - from first jobs and first loves to children leaving home and retirement?

We live in a culture of limitless choice - and life is now more complex than ever. In This Too Shall Pass, acclaimed psychotherapist Julia Samuel draws on hours of conversations with her patients to show how we can learn to adapt and thrive during our most difficult and transformative experiences. Illuminated by the latest social and psychological research, this book unflinchingly deals with the hard times in family, love, work, health and identity.

From a woman deciding whether to leave her husband for a younger lover, to a father handling a serious medical diagnosis. And from a new mother struggling with the decision to return to work, to a young man dealing with the aftermath of coming out, and a woman starting over after losing her job.

These powerful, unforgettable and deeply intimate stories about everyday people will inform our understanding of our own unique response to change and enlighten the way we approach challenges at every stage of life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Mental Health, Grief, Personal Development, Audiobook

338 pages, Hardcover

First published March 5, 2020

About the author

Julia Samuel is a grief psychotherapist who works with bereaved families, both in private practice and at St. Mary's Paddington Hospital in London. She is the founder of the charity Child Bereavement UK. Grief Works is her first book.

Reviews

[Paromjit · Rating 5 out of 5]

Psychotherapist Julia Samuel provides a valuable and insightful guide to surviving modern life and the perspectives on the self. She writes in a sensitive and engaging manner about the inevitable nature of change. Very little in life remains immune from change, reflecting on five critical areas, often overlapping, to provide a helpful guide on how we might best manage life's challenges. She concludes by identifying eight pillars of strength for times of change, relationship with oneself, relationships with others, ways to manage emotions, time, treating mind and body as one, understanding the need for limits and how they may change through life, the stabilising nature of structure, and focusing.

Samuel's 5 critical areas reflect on the complexities of family relationships, love in all its forms, work, health and identity. With each area, she provides interesting details of her clients and their lives, summing up the area generally by reflecting on what might help us improve all our lives specifically in that area. Within family relationships she looks at a mother-daughter relationship, the adjustments a new father has to make when a much longed for baby arrives, and the problems with being a working mother. In the myriad of factors that are associated with love, she examines marriage and affairs, dealing with love and loss, finding new love and starting over, divorce, and looks at love through the lens of passion, intimacy and commitment. Work is seen through the acquisition of a first job, maternity leave, losing your job and facing life after retirement.

Health is seen through the impact of serious illness within a family, the menopause, the issues facing a single dad with cancer, the repercussions of ageing, employment and the loneliness of old age. Identity is particularly fascinating as it often tends to evolve, is not fixed, and it is not always easy to answer the question of who am I? There is a young Syrian woman who has moved from Raqqa to Berlin, having to cope with trauma and integration, others looking at coming out, moving beyond the binary, and the effects of race, culture and gender, in a society often uneasy at handling difference.

Samuel is a skilled psychotherapist, and provides plentiful evidence of her expertise with the work she does with her clients, she is able to hone in on the important issues, whilst acknowledging the real life difficulties that people face when it comes to change, it is often deeply uncomfortable to face and can be even harder to implement change. This is not going to be a book you are going to read cover to cover in a single sitting, you would be better served perhaps delving into a section that is particularly pertinent when necessary, or just reading through a section, reflecting and then taking a break before returning for the next bit. A great informative guide that I think most of us would find very useful in the practical help it may offer on crucial aspects of our lives. Many thanks to Penguin UK for an ARC.

[Anastasiia Mozghova · Rating 4 out of 5]

as social media continue to portray an unrealistic image of life, this book provides a necessary reminder of what it actually is: complicated and messy, challenging and painful, but also joyful and full of love, if you are willing to make an effort. a definite must-read!

[Danielle Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

A remarkable and enriching book. One that I will return to throughout my years to help navigate change

[Natasha Mairs (Serenity You) · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is not the kind of book I was expecting it to be. All the stories are told from the perspective of the author who is a psychologist. I was expecting the stories to be told by each of the people they are about themselves.

I found that each story was basically describing what had happened and there was not enough of the underlining feelings involved. It felt like I was reading a text book.

I gave up reading this just 25% the way through. Didn't really enjoy it.

2/5 stars

[Jules · Rating 2 out of 5]

What I appreciated most about This Too Shall Pass was feeling like a voyeur in a stranger’s therapy session as they confront the dark corners of themselves, really leaning into my secret fantasy of becoming a therapist (while knowing I’d never make it through the degree.)

The book is structured by dividing case studies into themes such as Love or Identity, then tying up common threads at the end and discussing the issues at a more macro level. I’m not sure how successful this is: humans are too complex to categorize this way.

Samuel does a better job at acknowledging her privilege and viewing her clients through an intersectional lens in this book than she did in Grief Works, but I can’t help but feel her efforts to include people from a wider range of cultural backgrounds and especially gender or sexuality felt a bit tokenistic. Samuel spends a lot of time reflecting on her own feelings and biases, but doesn’t ever acknowledge the emotional labor her clients expend while she “expands her reach” into these demographics, as they teach her about new concepts of identity or what it’s like to be starting a career in 2020 (this feels very problematic to me).

Despite my low rating I did enjoy the book, but I’m not sure how successful the premise of making the specific learning from her case studies applicable to a wider audience in a meaningful way was.

[Val Robson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Psychotherapist Julia Samuel uses real case studies to illustrate the five main aspects that make up our lives, namely Family, Love, Work, Health and Identity. Each section has several stories of her clients in great detail and how she helped them to work through their struggles. The personal stories are followed by a more academic discussion about that topic, backed up by research and statistics. The stories were of interest in the main, except for some topics that do not impinge on me personally, but I found the analysis and follow up text dry so ending up skim reading some of that.

I was slightly bothered by a few things in the book. One is the level of detail given for the 15-20 clients she writes about. The author states that she has worked hard to protect the identify of her clients but there is so much detail on each that I wonder if they are truly protected or whether the stories are changed so much to protect that client that they border on fiction. Another worry was that when talking about a client called Isabel the author says ‘I was truly worried about her safety’. I am assuming she meant of Isabel harming herself but Julia does not mention taking this to her supervisor or other authority which I understand should be done if anyone is this worried about someone’s safety. My main concern with this book is something the author says in the foreword which is “the five different marriages I’ve had (all with the same man)”. She repeats this fact in the ending acknowledgements “My beloved husband Michael, he of the five marriages....”. I was finding it hard to take wisdom and advice from someone who’s divorced the same man four times but I don’t think she has so I am still confused as to why she’s said this (twice).

The author concludes with The 8 Pillars of Strength’ we should seek to have to deal with times of change when life can be stressful. These are .
1. Relationship with Oneself
2. Relationship with Others
3. Ways to Manage Emotions
4. Time
5. Mindbody
6. Limits
7. Structure
8. Focussing
The advice in this sections and how to put them into practice (one or two at a time until they become part of your daily life) is helpful.

This is a good manual but felt more like that than a book to read. The author's conversations with the clients and her responses, along with her personal thoughts on each outside of the session was helpful and insightful in the main but I found the more academic aspects dull. I think it is best read in sections if one is applicable to your own situation such as health issues or work issues. The ‘8 Pillars of Strength’ section is definitely worth a read for all.

With thanks to NetGalley and Penguin Books UK for a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Kirsten · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow, just wow. One of the best book in this category that I have read, and that says a lot.

The only reason I'm not giving this 5 stars is that there is just a little too much theorizing to my taste, I don't need to read about all the theories behind or the author's reflections over her clients' problems, I just want the case stories without the filling!

[Aslı Can]

Ben bu kitabı tamamen farklı umut ve beklentilerle almışım ama biraz ''cheesy'' bir psikoloji kitabı gibi geldi. Fazla apolitik ve fazla beyaz hissetirdi. Bitiririm ya ben bunu, bitiririm diyorum kendime ama kabul etmem gerekiyor ki, bitiremeyeceğim.

[Tuva S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Zor zamanların, değişimin her zaman olabileceğini ve aslında bu zamanlardan geçen biriyseniz yalnız olmadığınızı hatırlatan, güzel tavsiyeler veren bir kitap.

[Nadirah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not too sure how to feel about this one when I finished it. The book was broken down into several sections on Samuel's "case studies" (in the form of her patients) that mostly dealt with family, love, work, health, and identity--where I related to the "love" section the least (not surprised).

There were a number of good nuggets of information and useful insights as to how we deal and heal with change, but I think the fact that there were a lot of anecdotal case studies, so much so that it felt like a slog getting through some of them. Still, if you were to look for stories of others who are maybe dealing with the same crises as you in any of these issues, there are some relatable ones that might help you through your issues.

The tips from Samuel at the conclusion of this book are useful, especially for those who are not already familiar with the concept of working through your own demons to make progress in your healing. For those who have read extensively on the subject of self-help through therapy via other books or mediums, this book might not offer you anything new.

Rating: 3.25

[Romy Dakin · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5/5

[Tamara Leontievova · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nemám prečítané takéto knihy, táto je vlastne asi jediná, preto sa mi ťažko píše, aká vlastne je. Napísaná je ľahko, aj keď nie príliš dobre. To sa tu ale asi neočakáva, tak som benevolentná. Ale už je to niekoľká kniha, ktorú podozrievam z nie príliš dobrého prekladu pána Marca, ktorého si inak ako publicistu veľmi cením.
Ako správny psychologický hypochonder som mala tendenciu veľa z príbehov vzťahovať na seba, ale keďže som zároveň aj psychologický neandertálec, nič mi z toho veľmi nevyplynulo. Každopádne ale námet je to pekný, aj pre mňa aktuálny, aj nad tým všetkým ešte budem premýšľať, sľubujem :)

[Ed Cook · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was essentially a collection of case studies, some of them more interesting relevant to me than others. The cases are grouped in chapters - eg. ‘Family’ or ‘Work.’ Samuel writes well - you get a good sense of the individuals she works with, and their sprawling lives. Ultimately however, none of the case studies really delves deep enough to provide a gripping read. She tries to tie up similar themes at the end of each chapter, drawing on different aspects of each case, however this often doesn’t amount to much. The overarching theme of the book - embracing change - does ring true, and is reinforced by the scenarios she explores. It is ultimately, however, quite simplistic.

Overall, this is an interesting read - but it is essentially a collection of individual case studies that could just each be a magazine feature themselves. The whole is pretty much only the sum of its parts.

[Raaqim · Rating 4 out of 5]

"This too shall pass" is a remarkable portrayal of how we need to understand ourselves in order to truly heal. I thoroughly enjoyed reading through each story and loved hearing about the struggles and challenges of each individual, which they had to go through in achieving their goals and finding the right level of happiness to resume their daily lives. Through these stories, the author has shown how we can learn to adapt and thrive when faced with difficult experiences and obstacles in our lives. I highly recommend this book to anyone who needs inspiration in their life, to change themselves and make improvements in their day to day habits.

[Madeleine Black · Rating 4 out of 5]

Felt very poignant to be reading a book called "This too shall pass" about change during Lockdown for COVID 19! A collection of case studies by psychotherapist showing many different predicaments people can face and how they respond to the situation. Change is not always negative and can be a tool for growth once we learn to adapt to


"Pain is the agent of change: if we build walls around it, it remains untouched and alive inside us, slowly contaminating our other feelings"

[Caro · Rating 2 out of 5]

Im not even sure what Im reading anymore. Plain boring. Sure there is some stories from people's stuggles but meh.

[what.heather.loves · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Life is a set of alternating phases, a period of change followed by a period of stability, then another change...Sometimes the changes feel like success, at others failure, but the key is to learn from them. It is well researched that the more we allow ourselves to learn and expand in response to life changed the more likely we are to thrive."

Focusing on change, difficult situations and learning from them, this is a well researched book, written with years of experience of clinical practice. Her aim is to demonstrate that we all need to be prepared to adapt to changing circumstances, that it is inevitable, and that there are ways of better weathering difficult situations, primarily learning from past experiences.

There are five main sections - Family Relationships, Love, Work, Health and Identity. Each contains between 4 and 6 case studies from the author's psychotherapy experience, giving examples of different experiences faced by clients and how the author responded to and guided them. They are all fascinating, some with echoes of my own life, some very different, but all are interesting and informative. The Fertile Void concept is particularly helpful, meaning allowing yourself time, without succumbing to busyness, to process and acclimatise to change. The author concludes with the 8 Pillars of Strength for Times of Change (so useful!) and an appendix on Lifespan Development (which categorises different generations and explains how their experiences may cause them to deal with change differently). Practical, perceptive and profound. If you want to learn how to handle change better, I recommend you read this.

I won one of three advanced proof copies in a competition run by the author, thank you!
It will be published by Penguin Life Books on 5th March 2020 🇬🇧.

[Michael Layden · Rating 5 out of 5]

I always have several books underway at any particular time. It always fascinates me how this can completely change your appreciation of books. This time the two books that I was reading in parallel with this one were
“The Madhouse at the End of the Earth, The Beligica’s journey into the dark Antarctic Night” by Julian Sancton
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5...
and
The Fall of the House of Borgia by E.R. Chamberlin
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2...

You would think that a book on the Raw courage and hardship of 19th Century Antarctica exploration or on the opulence and power of one of the driving dynasties of the Renaissance would supply sufficient inspiration and stimulation in themselves.
But reading the real heroics of spouses, parents and individuals meeting their imminent deaths in hospices made the histronincs of the Beligicas crew and the Borgias pathetic in comparison. In the case of the historical books the complete focus of the characters seemed to be their own fulfilment and obsession with minor slights.
In “This too shall pass” I found people who really impressed me and helped boost my shear awe of humankind. Never have I seen the shear courage of a parent or the ability to really show empathy as the tale of the "naughty step". I cannot think of anything sadder than watching two tiny twins one dying and one hale and hearty and still finding the wisdom to create a halo of joy around every minute of a short three years of life.
People are remarkable, yet too often it is easy to live a life filled with suspicion of others and fear of death. This book helped dispel both.

[Louise Pharo · Rating 4 out of 5]

'life is change; we cannot avoid it; our capacity to adapt to change usually takes longer than we imagine; and it rarely happens without bringing up many feelings... The more we are able to adapt, the richer our life is likely to be'

If you're looking for a new non fiction read one that'll perhaps act as a companion for you and help you to navigate the inevitable changes that we will face in our lives then let this be the book for you!

'sometimes we have to fail so that we can move forward'

This Too Shall Pass is a series of case studies put into different sections of Julia Samuels', renowned psychotherapist, clients and at the end of each section Julia shares her own reflections. I took my time with it but I really enjoyed this book, it helped me to change my perspective on certain things and look at things in a different way. I think my favourite section was identity (although I did enjoy them all so I could probably talk about each of them but I don't want to be here for too long) and I also liked the added COVID-19 case study which is now in all the new paperbacks. That affected me the most emotionally I think because that's been the biggest change in my life recently, as I'm sure it has been for us all, and with it has brought many knock on effects.

Overall it was a brilliantly written and enlightening book which I really enjoyed :)

[Amanda O'Shea · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great set of case studies about life, issues, and dealing with change. Due to the depth of psychological analysis and discussion, it is a book to be savoured in little bits, rather than read all at once.

[Yıldız · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bir psikolog olarak benim için Julia Samuel’in bazı danışanları ile olan terapi süreçleri fazlasıyla ufuk açıcı oldu. Kitabı okurken aynı anda sesli kitap olarak da dinledim. Bu nedenle sanki bir arkadaşım anılarını ve bilgilerini paylaşıyormuş gibi hissettirdi, bu da kitabı daha samimileştirdi. Kitap, adına da yaraşır şekilde hayatımızdaki değişimleri, krizleri, aşılamayacak sandığımız sorunları ele alıyor ve sanki her hikayenin sonunda “bu da geçecek” diyor. Kendinizden veya çevrenizde sevdiğiniz birilerinden izler bulabileceğinizi düşünüyorum illaki. Çokça tavsiyedir.

[Katherine Hutcheson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inclusive, daring and raw. Julia offers a comfort and reassurance that this too shall pass, very fitting for present climate. I love this author.

[Ellie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dislike the title, but an interesting collection of people going through change, described by their psychotherapist. Unexpectedly detailed and a useful insight into the process.

[Wendy Storey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some interesting case studies and good to hear the therapist perspective.

[Lori Johnstone · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book, IMHO, has broad appeal. I believe it could be as useful and inspiring to anyone as it could a therapist. I am an early career therapist, and found it accessible in addition, I learned some things along the way. Thank you, Julia Samuel. That was a well written and moving book.

[Terry Kinane · Rating 2 out of 5]

Struggled with this. Too many case studies and ramblings. Did not finish.

[Anouk Decuypere · Rating 4 out of 5]

An array of stories with practical applications of an array of psychological techniques.

[RozV · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved seeing the gentle process of Julia Samuel’s therapy help people untangle their situations and move forward through change in their lives. The structure of case studies made it readable and relatable. The learnings at the end feel a little out of balance with the personal stories. It’s as if she wants us to glean those learnings ourselves, but it’s her perspective we are seeking. Her 8 pillars feel like another book in altogether.

[Simone Smith]

I won't give this a star rating because it's a DNF, but I want to get in a habit of quitting books if I'm not feeling them. This went on far too many tangents for my liking. It felt like the author wanted to flaunt their credentials, even if it wasn't necessary, and I was just too bored to carry on.

[Sarah Burton · Rating 3 out of 5]

This Too Shall Pass is a series of case studies covering all aspects of life, especially the changes to our lives. I think everyone has or will have similar experiences to the clients Julia focuses on but as a reader I failed to warm to or empathise with any of them and therefore struggled to read it all.
However as everyone is different this book will be of great support to some readers.

I was given a copy of This Too Shall Pass by NetGalley and the publishers in return for an honest review.