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Smacked: A Story of White-Collar Ambition, Addiction, and Tragedy
A journalist pieces together the mysteries surrounding her ex-husband's unexpected death from drug abuse.
Something was wrong with Peter. Eilene Zimmerman noticed that her ex-husband looked thin, seemed distracted, and was frequently absent from activities with their children. She thought he looked sick and needed to see a doctor, and indeed, he told her he had been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. Yet in many ways, Peter also seemed to have it all: a beautiful house by the beach purchased after their divorce, expensive cars, and other luxuries that came with an affluent life. Eilene assumed his odd behavior was due to stress and overwork--he was a senior partner at a prominent law firm and had been working more than 60 hours a week for the last 20 years.
Although they were divorced, Eilene and Peter had been partners and friends for decades, so, when her calls to Peter were not returned for several days, Eilene went to his house to see if he was OK.
So begins Smacked, a brilliant, moving memoir of Eilene's shocking discovery, one that sets her on a journey to find out how a man she knew for nearly 30 years became a drug addict, and hid it so well that neither she nor anyone else in his life suspected what was happening. Eilene discovers that Peter led a secret life, one that started with pills and ended with opioids, cocaine and methamphetamine. Peter was also addicted to work; the last call he ever made was to dial into a conference call.
Eilene is determined to learn all she can about Peter's hidden life, and also about drug addiction among ambitious and high achieving professionals like him. Through extensive research and interviews, she presents a picture of drug dependence today in that moneyed, upwardly mobile world. She also embarks on a journey to recreate her life in the wake of loss, both of the person--and the relationship--that profoundly defined the woman she had become.
Smacked takes readers on an intimate journey into a little-known part of the drug epidemic, through the story of one man, one woman and one family.
Something was wrong with Peter. Eilene Zimmerman noticed that her ex-husband looked thin, seemed distracted, and was frequently absent from activities with their children. She thought he looked sick and needed to see a doctor, and indeed, he told her he had been diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. Yet in many ways, Peter also seemed to have it all: a beautiful house by the beach purchased after their divorce, expensive cars, and other luxuries that came with an affluent life. Eilene assumed his odd behavior was due to stress and overwork--he was a senior partner at a prominent law firm and had been working more than 60 hours a week for the last 20 years.
Although they were divorced, Eilene and Peter had been partners and friends for decades, so, when her calls to Peter were not returned for several days, Eilene went to his house to see if he was OK.
So begins Smacked, a brilliant, moving memoir of Eilene's shocking discovery, one that sets her on a journey to find out how a man she knew for nearly 30 years became a drug addict, and hid it so well that neither she nor anyone else in his life suspected what was happening. Eilene discovers that Peter led a secret life, one that started with pills and ended with opioids, cocaine and methamphetamine. Peter was also addicted to work; the last call he ever made was to dial into a conference call.
Eilene is determined to learn all she can about Peter's hidden life, and also about drug addiction among ambitious and high achieving professionals like him. Through extensive research and interviews, she presents a picture of drug dependence today in that moneyed, upwardly mobile world. She also embarks on a journey to recreate her life in the wake of loss, both of the person--and the relationship--that profoundly defined the woman she had become.
Smacked takes readers on an intimate journey into a little-known part of the drug epidemic, through the story of one man, one woman and one family.
272 pages, Hardcover
First published February 4, 2020
388 people are currently reading
6203 people want to read
About the author
Eilene B. Zimmerman
1 book133 followersEilene Zimmerman has been a journalist for three decades, covering business, technology and social issues for a wide array of national magazines and newspapers. She was a columnist for The New York Times Sunday Business section for six years and since 2004 has been a regular contributor to the newspaper. In 2020, Zimmerman earned her masters degree in social work. She lives in San Diego, Calif.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 399 reviews
May 2, 2020
3.5 When Eileen finds the body of her dead ex-husband, she finds also finds out things she never expected. She had known Peter for 25 years, had two children with him, and because if this she was still very much in his life. She knew him as a work, success driven lawyer, but had noticed he was losing weight, missing key events, showing up late and looking generally sick and very tired. She never expected to find out he was using drugs and how extensive, all consuming that use would be.
An honest memoir, an enlightening one for some, since many of us think drug use is defined by a certain class. It's what we see on TV, read on line or in our local papers. Why would a successful and wealthy man let himself become so addicted to drugs that it cost hm his life? She had expected many things, even mental illness but not this. She set out to discover how prevalent this was in the white collared world.
Section three is about what she found. The reality and prevalence is startling. Stats and statistics from the corporate world, the tech world where pill popping is commonplace. Lawyers who suffer from extreme depression, even physicians who should know better but think they can manage their addictions. Millennials who use Adderall to maintain sharpness and focus. It's all here and if you have any interest in this subject this is good book to read as it combines memoir with cold, hard facts.
ARC from Netgalley.
An honest memoir, an enlightening one for some, since many of us think drug use is defined by a certain class. It's what we see on TV, read on line or in our local papers. Why would a successful and wealthy man let himself become so addicted to drugs that it cost hm his life? She had expected many things, even mental illness but not this. She set out to discover how prevalent this was in the white collared world.
Section three is about what she found. The reality and prevalence is startling. Stats and statistics from the corporate world, the tech world where pill popping is commonplace. Lawyers who suffer from extreme depression, even physicians who should know better but think they can manage their addictions. Millennials who use Adderall to maintain sharpness and focus. It's all here and if you have any interest in this subject this is good book to read as it combines memoir with cold, hard facts.
ARC from Netgalley.
April 1, 2020
A gripping and well-written personal account of white-collar addiction
Many people think of drug abuse and addiction as a problem mainly afflicting the impoverished. Most books I've read about addiction focused mainly on poor people, especially in Appalachia. This book is a reminder that addiction is a disease that afflicts rich and poor alike.
Smacked: A Story of White-Collar Ambition, Addiction, and Tragedy is the story of Ms. Zimmerman's ex-husband and father of her children's addiction. After discovering his dead body, she came to learn that Peter had been abusing drugs which led to his death. Until then, she and everyone else had been unaware of his addiction. It's wonderfully written and engaging and shows a side of the drug crisis that many do not know of.
I recommend this book to those who, like me, strive to get a better understanding of how and why people become addicts. Most of the book deals with the Zimmerman's lives before and after Peter's death but the author also includes research about drug abuse, sharing what she has come to learn through her own personal tragedy. She writes honestly and openly and it's well worth reading if you'd like to know more about this subject. In some ways, it's reminiscent of Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction, so if you liked that book, you should definitely like this one as well.
I'll end with a quote from the book that is a good reminder:
"There is no particular type of person that becomes a drug addict. People who struggle with addiction look like all of us - the lawyer in his corner office, the nurse who took care of your dying father, the mother sitting behind you at the soccer game who has been stealing painkillers from her friends' medicine cabinets."
Many people think of drug abuse and addiction as a problem mainly afflicting the impoverished. Most books I've read about addiction focused mainly on poor people, especially in Appalachia. This book is a reminder that addiction is a disease that afflicts rich and poor alike.
Smacked: A Story of White-Collar Ambition, Addiction, and Tragedy is the story of Ms. Zimmerman's ex-husband and father of her children's addiction. After discovering his dead body, she came to learn that Peter had been abusing drugs which led to his death. Until then, she and everyone else had been unaware of his addiction. It's wonderfully written and engaging and shows a side of the drug crisis that many do not know of.
I recommend this book to those who, like me, strive to get a better understanding of how and why people become addicts. Most of the book deals with the Zimmerman's lives before and after Peter's death but the author also includes research about drug abuse, sharing what she has come to learn through her own personal tragedy. She writes honestly and openly and it's well worth reading if you'd like to know more about this subject. In some ways, it's reminiscent of Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction, so if you liked that book, you should definitely like this one as well.
I'll end with a quote from the book that is a good reminder:
"There is no particular type of person that becomes a drug addict. People who struggle with addiction look like all of us - the lawyer in his corner office, the nurse who took care of your dying father, the mother sitting behind you at the soccer game who has been stealing painkillers from her friends' medicine cabinets."
September 19, 2021
This is a very scary story - of how the author's ex-husband and father of her two children became a drug addict while working at a high pressure law firm. Zimmerman's background as a journalist is evident in her skillful account of how she was blind to all the signs of drug abuse - until it was too late. The book lost momentum at the end when she connected to the broader issue of white collar drug abuse, quoting studies and interviews with other addicts. I wish she had stuck to her personal story which is very powerful.
April 1, 2020
I feel a bit guilty about this rating when she's a good writer who shared something so personal, but I just feel like the book missed making a substantial point.
What I liked - I gave it three stars because it was well-written, well-researched and what seemed like an honest recounting of a tragedy in her life.
What I didn't like - It's so hard to diminish someone's experience as they see it, but this book seems to be trying to make the point of "wealth and privilege can blind people to drug addiction." But this story folds out like she married and divorced a narcissistic, emotionally abusive asshole who wasn't a good father and just became worse because of addiction. She was a victim of him long before his addiction, and then the end of the book she's mourning him, but it's not clear that he was ever a positive presence in her life (other than giving her children).
Her self-reflection is there of how privilege, class and race blinded her to things, but it falls short and doesn't really explain why this is tragic or even indicative of patterns in others (except for a bunch of stats at the end - I'll get there). I've lost someone in my life to drugs, and it was easy to ignore a problem for a long time as he was from a good family and privileged. But he was also kind, artistic and wonderful, and we feel that loss heavily. That's the story of the opioid epidemic I hear working on legislative issues over and over - not assholes who are so broken they inevitably turn to drugs. She's trying to change your perspective on who would become a drug addict, but the worst stereotype of drug addicts is they are morally bankrupt people to begin with, and that's just not true. It is in this book.
Obviously my personal bias is clouding my judgement, but I have one more complaint that relates to her not having a point. The last two chapters veer from her story and basically read like a research paper taking a stab at everything with stats that kind of relate to addiction - youth today, social media, prescription rates, law schools, corporate culture - what is she trying to say? Modern day = bad, therefore addiction probably?
So in essence, is this a book about her story or a book about the opioid crisis? It feels like it's the latter, which is too crammed and makes her story seem like a cautionary tale, but that doesn't work for me at all. Word vomit over.
What I liked - I gave it three stars because it was well-written, well-researched and what seemed like an honest recounting of a tragedy in her life.
What I didn't like - It's so hard to diminish someone's experience as they see it, but this book seems to be trying to make the point of "wealth and privilege can blind people to drug addiction." But this story folds out like she married and divorced a narcissistic, emotionally abusive asshole who wasn't a good father and just became worse because of addiction. She was a victim of him long before his addiction, and then the end of the book she's mourning him, but it's not clear that he was ever a positive presence in her life (other than giving her children).
Her self-reflection is there of how privilege, class and race blinded her to things, but it falls short and doesn't really explain why this is tragic or even indicative of patterns in others (except for a bunch of stats at the end - I'll get there). I've lost someone in my life to drugs, and it was easy to ignore a problem for a long time as he was from a good family and privileged. But he was also kind, artistic and wonderful, and we feel that loss heavily. That's the story of the opioid epidemic I hear working on legislative issues over and over - not assholes who are so broken they inevitably turn to drugs. She's trying to change your perspective on who would become a drug addict, but the worst stereotype of drug addicts is they are morally bankrupt people to begin with, and that's just not true. It is in this book.
Obviously my personal bias is clouding my judgement, but I have one more complaint that relates to her not having a point. The last two chapters veer from her story and basically read like a research paper taking a stab at everything with stats that kind of relate to addiction - youth today, social media, prescription rates, law schools, corporate culture - what is she trying to say? Modern day = bad, therefore addiction probably?
So in essence, is this a book about her story or a book about the opioid crisis? It feels like it's the latter, which is too crammed and makes her story seem like a cautionary tale, but that doesn't work for me at all. Word vomit over.
October 31, 2019
I think that this is a very timely book in regards to drug use among white collar, high pressure professionals.
With that being said, I think that the author spent WAY TOO MUCH time on her own thoughts/boredom/feelings of her marriage to Peter.
I wish that the author had focused on Peter and tried to answer some basic questions about Peter and his addiction.
For instance, when did Peter first try drugs, did she try drugs with Peter, when did he try harder drugs like meth, when did he go from smoking meth to injecting meth, did Peter's co-workers know about his drug use, did Peter try to get help?
The list can go on and on and it was a glaring omission in the book that I found troubling.
I liked the research in the back of the book but her first hand experience with Peter focused more on her loneliness then Peter's drug use.
Overall, an ok book, the research at the back of the book was very good, but the authors part of everything was a bit boring.
With that being said, I think that the author spent WAY TOO MUCH time on her own thoughts/boredom/feelings of her marriage to Peter.
I wish that the author had focused on Peter and tried to answer some basic questions about Peter and his addiction.
For instance, when did Peter first try drugs, did she try drugs with Peter, when did he try harder drugs like meth, when did he go from smoking meth to injecting meth, did Peter's co-workers know about his drug use, did Peter try to get help?
The list can go on and on and it was a glaring omission in the book that I found troubling.
I liked the research in the back of the book but her first hand experience with Peter focused more on her loneliness then Peter's drug use.
Overall, an ok book, the research at the back of the book was very good, but the authors part of everything was a bit boring.
March 2, 2023
In this brave and suspenseful memoir, Eilene Zimmerman traces a deeply personal family story while illuminating urgent and troubling social issues. Smacked is an exquisite examination of the repercussions of addiction, as well as the influence of white-collar money and ambition, upon a family. A profoundly absorbing and important book.
February 25, 2020
I can write an entire diatribe why I didn't like this, but before I allow myself to come across as entirely insensitive let's just say this book didn't work for me. Part 3 contains a lot of research the author did by conducting surveys, interviews, and reading up on addiction. It is a mishmash that bounces from one paragraph to another with little cohesion. It goes from talking about why people in white-collar jobs start using drugs to a more modern look at Millenials and Gen-Z facing their own addiction issues due to social media obsessions. A lot of it looks like an attempt to fill pages.
I wasn't enthralled with "Wild" when it came out years ago because of how I ultimately felt about the author while reading it. I had similar feelings during this book which detracted from any ability to really enjoy it.
I wasn't enthralled with "Wild" when it came out years ago because of how I ultimately felt about the author while reading it. I had similar feelings during this book which detracted from any ability to really enjoy it.
July 23, 2020
This book was heartbreaking and I feel bad criticizing an author's personal story but... She spends the first part of the book talking about how she blindly followed this guy around through this miserable marriage, cites one Saturday morning as an example of how he's a perfect father, then catalogs his downfall into drugs without actually knowing where or when it started. Peter is an asshole, he was one before cocaine and whatever else he was doing, her mourning him... I mean I get she loved him and he was the father of her kids, but he was awful to her and it seems disproportionate. She's all over the place with the causes, stress, the legal profession, prescriptions... And then in one sentence admits 40-60% of addiction is biological.
I kept waiting to read more about what she discovered about how Peter first got addicted. Nothing. I also couldn't believe his family wasn't told the truth about the cause of death.
I kept waiting to read more about what she discovered about how Peter first got addicted. Nothing. I also couldn't believe his family wasn't told the truth about the cause of death.
February 19, 2020
I was pulled in by the author’s initial piece in the NYT and the recent book excerpt, but have to admit I didn’t love the full book nearly as much. It’s a deeply upsetting, often engrossing narrative and one that is informative about some aspects of addiction. That said, I wasn’t sold. At times over the first two thirds of the book, it seemed (maybe this is coming from a place of extreme ignorance) that this was actually a memoir about extreme lapses of communication in a marriage. Further, I did not really love the final third of the book that felt like a laundry list of studies and then the author’s social concerns about the youth (like duh to that part).
December 20, 2019
I loved this book. I literally read it in a few days.
However, I am sure I am not alone, as a reader, feeling frustrated that NOBODY be it family or employer or friends seem to pick up on the fact that Peter was a drug user.
Yes, the author discusses this at length in the book, but come on!! In some ways, I feel as though Peter was all alone in his final journey and while I know that addicts isolate in order to use, I find it sad that not one person put all the pieces together, particularly since it sounds as though he was giving everyone plenty of "clues" to work with. Could someone have helped him? probably not as is clearly indicated in this book - only the addict can help him/her self, but it makes you wonder anyway.
Having said all of that, I have mad respect for the author (and her children) for sharing such an intimate part of their lives. It must have been both difficult and hopefully cathartic to do so.
Although this book is separated into sections, for me, there were only 2 - before and after. The beginning part is fascinating, while the more "analytical" part is less engrossing. The author does tend to go back and forth between events (and years) but it is easy enough to follow.
Her writing style is wonderful. Down to earth and engrossing (I cannot call a memoir of this kind entertaining considering the subject matter) I literally could not put this down.
I would have liked a bit more detail on the "before" part, but overall, this is one of the best books I have ever read on addiction (and I read a lot of em).
Here is hoping everyone in the family is happy and thriving. I lost my dad when I was only 11 and while it was because of a car crash, I know that growing up with that kind of event in your young life marks you for life.
However, I am sure I am not alone, as a reader, feeling frustrated that NOBODY be it family or employer or friends seem to pick up on the fact that Peter was a drug user.
Yes, the author discusses this at length in the book, but come on!! In some ways, I feel as though Peter was all alone in his final journey and while I know that addicts isolate in order to use, I find it sad that not one person put all the pieces together, particularly since it sounds as though he was giving everyone plenty of "clues" to work with. Could someone have helped him? probably not as is clearly indicated in this book - only the addict can help him/her self, but it makes you wonder anyway.
Having said all of that, I have mad respect for the author (and her children) for sharing such an intimate part of their lives. It must have been both difficult and hopefully cathartic to do so.
Although this book is separated into sections, for me, there were only 2 - before and after. The beginning part is fascinating, while the more "analytical" part is less engrossing. The author does tend to go back and forth between events (and years) but it is easy enough to follow.
Her writing style is wonderful. Down to earth and engrossing (I cannot call a memoir of this kind entertaining considering the subject matter) I literally could not put this down.
I would have liked a bit more detail on the "before" part, but overall, this is one of the best books I have ever read on addiction (and I read a lot of em).
Here is hoping everyone in the family is happy and thriving. I lost my dad when I was only 11 and while it was because of a car crash, I know that growing up with that kind of event in your young life marks you for life.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 30, 2020
Oh this book made me so mad. I loved the author interview on Fresh Air and loved 95% of the book until the end.
And then the author inserted some random non-expert hot take that kids with mental health issues taking ADHD and anxiety meds are maybe helping normalize drug use and that may contribute to adults abusing drugs?! WTFFFFF. Nope. Sorry. No.
The research shows that often UNDIAGNOSED kids with mental health issues TURN INTO adults abusing drugs as a coping mechanism. Children who don’t get mental health care - which can include medication as part of treatment - turn into adults who are more likely to abuse drugs. This is particularly true of ADHD kids, who for some insane reason this author decided to target.
It’s incredibly rare I go from a strong 4 star book to 1 star in just a few pages but this had no business being in this book. I truly hope the author thinks about how her statements contribute to the shaming of getting children mental health help.
And then the author inserted some random non-expert hot take that kids with mental health issues taking ADHD and anxiety meds are maybe helping normalize drug use and that may contribute to adults abusing drugs?! WTFFFFF. Nope. Sorry. No.
The research shows that often UNDIAGNOSED kids with mental health issues TURN INTO adults abusing drugs as a coping mechanism. Children who don’t get mental health care - which can include medication as part of treatment - turn into adults who are more likely to abuse drugs. This is particularly true of ADHD kids, who for some insane reason this author decided to target.
It’s incredibly rare I go from a strong 4 star book to 1 star in just a few pages but this had no business being in this book. I truly hope the author thinks about how her statements contribute to the shaming of getting children mental health help.
February 8, 2020
(free review copy) Is this the definitive book on addiction in America? Certainly not. However, in my quest to read as much as I can about addiction to better understand and offer support to those in the circle of addiction, I find memoirs such as this one invaluable ~ the story of a lawyer’s ex-wife who had to piece together the trajectory of her ex’s addiction after he died an incredibly tragic death due to drug use.
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As a reader who has consumed a lot of media on this topic, much of the reporting on addiction in the book is rudimentary to me, but probably won’t be for many readers. However, the memoir part is heartbreaking and will haunt me.
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As a reader who has consumed a lot of media on this topic, much of the reporting on addiction in the book is rudimentary to me, but probably won’t be for many readers. However, the memoir part is heartbreaking and will haunt me.
December 20, 2020
4 stars because it kept me hooked and I read it in one sitting. It's an interesting look into addiction of the privileged. The question here that I'm still wondering about is, whether this guy was a narcissist to begin with, (seems like that to me,) or if addiction turned him into one, like it does with addicts in general.
August 6, 2020
She writes very well, but I guess I’m a cynic because I was not moved by any of this story. Peter made his bed and chose to lie/die in it, I felt no empathy for him.
A few comments.......
I think both Peter and Eilene were obsessed with overcoming traumatic childhood experiences.
I can’t believe two teenagers in a Southern California private school were so ignorant of drugs and clueless to the cause of their fathers strange behavior.
After being divorced for five years I would have thought Eilene would have moved on and not have been so involved with Peter. Kids or no kids.
Why she allowed him to have the kids at all, when he ignored them and left them to fend for themselves, is a mystery to me. As soon as Peter became so unhinged most mother’s would have been back in court to demand full custody.
Why didn’t they admit to everyone that it was a drug addiction that killed him. Can’t imagine holding a memorial service to honor him under false pretenses.
I skipped the statistics, all professions can be stressful, but not everyone turns to pills and powders!
I think Peter was coddled, spoiled and a big cry baby, motivated by greed and money. Eilene was the ultimate enabler. Actually, I didn’t like any of the family!!
I’m glad I read it, but it’s one case among thousands just like it. Drugs are a choice and you take your chances - just like Russian roulette!! Can you tell this book made me angry??????
A few comments.......
I think both Peter and Eilene were obsessed with overcoming traumatic childhood experiences.
I can’t believe two teenagers in a Southern California private school were so ignorant of drugs and clueless to the cause of their fathers strange behavior.
After being divorced for five years I would have thought Eilene would have moved on and not have been so involved with Peter. Kids or no kids.
Why she allowed him to have the kids at all, when he ignored them and left them to fend for themselves, is a mystery to me. As soon as Peter became so unhinged most mother’s would have been back in court to demand full custody.
Why didn’t they admit to everyone that it was a drug addiction that killed him. Can’t imagine holding a memorial service to honor him under false pretenses.
I skipped the statistics, all professions can be stressful, but not everyone turns to pills and powders!
I think Peter was coddled, spoiled and a big cry baby, motivated by greed and money. Eilene was the ultimate enabler. Actually, I didn’t like any of the family!!
I’m glad I read it, but it’s one case among thousands just like it. Drugs are a choice and you take your chances - just like Russian roulette!! Can you tell this book made me angry??????
June 25, 2020
This book is important, because, as many of us know, it’s not worth doing unless it’s going to impact the wealthy. Right?
I don’t think this was what Zimmerman intended to display through this book, but that is the narrative she is portraying. And she does it well! “This isn’t just affecting the poor anymore; my husband was a lawyer!” It’s true that addiction is not discriminatory, it’s affects anyone that it can, and money isn’t going to protect a soul.
Zimmerman does do a good job of acknowledging that doing nothing for your own mental health or spiritual health will not end well, and I appreciate that. She also does a phenomenal job of shedding light on the massive over-prescription of drugs like Adderall (particularly to children), Xanax, and opioids. While I typically go for books that aggressively attack the systems that perpetuate addiction in our society, it was actually kind of refreshing to read a well-written book containing someone’s objective observations on the state of our society in regards to forces like over-prescription to children.
Zimmerman also took care of her family in the wake of her ex-husband’s death in a way that was very inspiring, and this book is worth the read for that reason alone.
I don’t think this was what Zimmerman intended to display through this book, but that is the narrative she is portraying. And she does it well! “This isn’t just affecting the poor anymore; my husband was a lawyer!” It’s true that addiction is not discriminatory, it’s affects anyone that it can, and money isn’t going to protect a soul.
Zimmerman does do a good job of acknowledging that doing nothing for your own mental health or spiritual health will not end well, and I appreciate that. She also does a phenomenal job of shedding light on the massive over-prescription of drugs like Adderall (particularly to children), Xanax, and opioids. While I typically go for books that aggressively attack the systems that perpetuate addiction in our society, it was actually kind of refreshing to read a well-written book containing someone’s objective observations on the state of our society in regards to forces like over-prescription to children.
Zimmerman also took care of her family in the wake of her ex-husband’s death in a way that was very inspiring, and this book is worth the read for that reason alone.
February 13, 2020
Flew through this eye-opening book about the dangers of drug abuse and addiction, especially amongst the professional types. This is part memoir and part reflection on how (or if) we as a society can stop this. The key lies in ambition and competition and how far people are willing to go to stay ahead. A very fascinating exposé.
January 14, 2020
Sometimes, when I read a book in one or two days, it's because it's horrible and I just want to be done. Sometimes, when I read a book in ore or two days, it's because it's amazing and I just cannot put it down. Smacked is definitely in the latter category. I could not put it down.
Eilene Zimmerman met her husband, Peter, while while she was looking for a job and he was working at a temp agency. It was not love at first sight, but she came to fall in love with him She moved with him to a small town in upstate New York so he could get a master's degree in Chemistry. After working in the field, he decided he wanted be to be lawyer. He completed law school and they moved t San Diego.
Their marriage didn't last. But Eliene and Peter were congenial and co-parented their children. Eilene noticed that Peter was looking ill. He'd lost weight, his hair was thinning, his behavior was erratic. It wasn't until after she found him dead on his bedroom floor and the coroner reported the cause of death that she realized he was severely addicted to drugs. She felt enormous guilt for not realizing that he had a drug problem and also for not going to his house sooner to check on him.
The book has four parts. I was most intrigued by the third part, in which Ms. Zimmerman discusses drug use and addiction among middle class and upper middle class members of society. What experts are finding is truly scary. And the solution is truly simple. We need a better community. We are too good at being disconnected. We prefer text messages and social media to real, genuine connection with people. I used to tease my son for not having facebook. Now, I'm glad. He has social media, but he doesn't spend all waking hours on his computer or phone. He plays baseball and hangs out with friends and isn't afraid to spend time with family. We need more kids like that.
Perhaps the hardest part of the book - for me - was when Ms. Zimmerman writes about the immediate aftermath of finding Peter's body. The call to 911, the police, EMTs, and later the medical examiner coming to his house. Her having to call her kids and have them come to Peter's house so she could tell them she died. Her son's reaction to the news broke my heart. Kids internalize so much of what their parents do to them. It was really sad. The fact that she and her kids are strong and happy made me feel better.
I don't want to say I enjoyed this book because the topic isn't enjoyable. But I will say, I like the way that Ms. Zimmerman writes, with tenderness and sensitivity, but also without making excuses or glossing over the parts that do not paint her in the best light. I remember reading her article about her husband's death in the New Your Times and I am glad I got the opportunity to read the whole story here. I learned a lot from reading this book and am better for having read it.
I won this book from Goodreads and received no compensation in exchange for this review. The opinions expressed herein are mine and mine alone.
Eilene Zimmerman met her husband, Peter, while while she was looking for a job and he was working at a temp agency. It was not love at first sight, but she came to fall in love with him She moved with him to a small town in upstate New York so he could get a master's degree in Chemistry. After working in the field, he decided he wanted be to be lawyer. He completed law school and they moved t San Diego.
Their marriage didn't last. But Eliene and Peter were congenial and co-parented their children. Eilene noticed that Peter was looking ill. He'd lost weight, his hair was thinning, his behavior was erratic. It wasn't until after she found him dead on his bedroom floor and the coroner reported the cause of death that she realized he was severely addicted to drugs. She felt enormous guilt for not realizing that he had a drug problem and also for not going to his house sooner to check on him.
The book has four parts. I was most intrigued by the third part, in which Ms. Zimmerman discusses drug use and addiction among middle class and upper middle class members of society. What experts are finding is truly scary. And the solution is truly simple. We need a better community. We are too good at being disconnected. We prefer text messages and social media to real, genuine connection with people. I used to tease my son for not having facebook. Now, I'm glad. He has social media, but he doesn't spend all waking hours on his computer or phone. He plays baseball and hangs out with friends and isn't afraid to spend time with family. We need more kids like that.
Perhaps the hardest part of the book - for me - was when Ms. Zimmerman writes about the immediate aftermath of finding Peter's body. The call to 911, the police, EMTs, and later the medical examiner coming to his house. Her having to call her kids and have them come to Peter's house so she could tell them she died. Her son's reaction to the news broke my heart. Kids internalize so much of what their parents do to them. It was really sad. The fact that she and her kids are strong and happy made me feel better.
I don't want to say I enjoyed this book because the topic isn't enjoyable. But I will say, I like the way that Ms. Zimmerman writes, with tenderness and sensitivity, but also without making excuses or glossing over the parts that do not paint her in the best light. I remember reading her article about her husband's death in the New Your Times and I am glad I got the opportunity to read the whole story here. I learned a lot from reading this book and am better for having read it.
I won this book from Goodreads and received no compensation in exchange for this review. The opinions expressed herein are mine and mine alone.
January 5, 2020
I was immediately sucked into this memoir about a woman married to a lawyer who she eventually divorces, but remains friends with while slowly watching him get sicker and sicker.
I found the first half of the book told in a somewhat "first this happened and then that happened" way. The author chronicles her ex-husband's lifestyle as she ponders what happened to their marriage and life together. She is still involved in his life, however, as they have two children together and the four often get together for school-related activities. As his illness progresses though, she learns to count on him less and less for being on time or showing up all together.
Thus is the life of an addict, which the author eventually learns all about after her husband's death. Being a journalist she does a great deal of research and begins to uncover and pursue what lawyers go through and others who work in high-income, high-stress fields. Through her research and talking with experts in the field, such as counselors, therapists, psychologists, etc., she learns about the high levels of anxiety and depression that lawyers and others experience as a result of their stressful careers, which ultimately leads some into drug use and even death.
The end of the book relays what Zimmerman learns, which helps her to cope in some ways with her ex-husband's death, ultimately helping her and her children understand that there was nothing they could have done to save him. The information she uncovers is up-to-date and extremely interesting as she also gives us information on what is happening with youth who have more and more anxiety as a result of attending high achievement schools in order to partake in high-salaried careers. According to Zimmerman, it is becoming an epidemic that will have far reaching affects.
After finishing this book I continue to think about the author's personal story, as well as what she has learned about "white-collar ambition and addiction." It is a read that sticks with readers and I highly recommend it.
Thank you NetGalley, Eilene B. Zimmerman and publisher.
I found the first half of the book told in a somewhat "first this happened and then that happened" way. The author chronicles her ex-husband's lifestyle as she ponders what happened to their marriage and life together. She is still involved in his life, however, as they have two children together and the four often get together for school-related activities. As his illness progresses though, she learns to count on him less and less for being on time or showing up all together.
Thus is the life of an addict, which the author eventually learns all about after her husband's death. Being a journalist she does a great deal of research and begins to uncover and pursue what lawyers go through and others who work in high-income, high-stress fields. Through her research and talking with experts in the field, such as counselors, therapists, psychologists, etc., she learns about the high levels of anxiety and depression that lawyers and others experience as a result of their stressful careers, which ultimately leads some into drug use and even death.
The end of the book relays what Zimmerman learns, which helps her to cope in some ways with her ex-husband's death, ultimately helping her and her children understand that there was nothing they could have done to save him. The information she uncovers is up-to-date and extremely interesting as she also gives us information on what is happening with youth who have more and more anxiety as a result of attending high achievement schools in order to partake in high-salaried careers. According to Zimmerman, it is becoming an epidemic that will have far reaching affects.
After finishing this book I continue to think about the author's personal story, as well as what she has learned about "white-collar ambition and addiction." It is a read that sticks with readers and I highly recommend it.
Thank you NetGalley, Eilene B. Zimmerman and publisher.
February 3, 2020
Gifted by @randomhouse | Smacked is a perfect balance of journalism and memoir. The book opens with a bang- at the behest of her children, a woman goes to her ex-husbands house for a wellness check and finds him dead on the floor. Not a spoiler- this is the story of how a man went from a family man and a chemist to a lawyer and addict. I found this to be very readable, and the author does a good job considering what it means about her and her biases that despite noticing his symptoms, she never even considered that he might be an addict. She did a good bit of research in writing this and shares some, but I thought it flowed and for the most part it didn’t interrupt her story. 4 stars from me!
For more reviews and book talk, visit me at http://www.tbretc.com/.
For more reviews and book talk, visit me at http://www.tbretc.com/.
March 20, 2020
It's an irony in America that the most privileged jobs require the most work and sacrifices. Eilene Zimmerman's Smacked is part memoir/part takedown of the white-collar fields that financially reward their employees while exacting an uncompromising toll on their spirits.
When Zimmerman finds her ex-husband dead after an overdose, she begins an investigation into his years-long drug addiction and the many steps he took to hide it. Although the first part of the book is heartfelt and rueful, the last third of the book reads more like a New York Times article heavy on statistics. Although the facts and figures hit home, it lacks the pathos of the first chunk.
When Zimmerman finds her ex-husband dead after an overdose, she begins an investigation into his years-long drug addiction and the many steps he took to hide it. Although the first part of the book is heartfelt and rueful, the last third of the book reads more like a New York Times article heavy on statistics. Although the facts and figures hit home, it lacks the pathos of the first chunk.
March 26, 2021
I have to rate this 5 stars because I could NOT put it down, and I was in tears by the end. Literal sobbing tears. The only part that I didn’t enjoy was a section that read like a textbook and had lots of statistical information.
February 24, 2024
“The people closest to the person affected should be able to see what’s going on but don’t.”
This quote from a psychologist perfectly sums up the author’s life with her drug addict ex husband. The lies. The excuses. The formerly athletic man descending into a corpse-like state until the drugs finally win and he becomes an actual corpse (that’s no spoiler - the author finds her ex-husband’s body right there in the first chapter.)
Mingled with hints that her ex died a hopeless addict, we get the story of how the author entered into a marriage that was essentially loveless from the beginning - the union came more for health insurance than any real attraction. As a family man her ex is largely a disaster - always late, always distant, yet even as his health falls away with his weight and his hair, the family fails to see the obvious fact that he is suffering from drug addiction.
After his death, we learn the effects hard drug use can have on the body. Many deaths labeled “overdoses” are more realistically simply the accumulated effects of pumping poison into one’s body over the course of years.
The story of the marriage, addiction and death make for a fairly interesting read, and the book would have done well to end there.
But the last third of the book, which essentially becomes a text book about modern-day addiction, is an absolute trudge. The author quotes books and studies and articles to deadening effect.
I would not recommend this book. The initial story has been told better elsewhere, and the final chapters simply summarize the work of others.
This quote from a psychologist perfectly sums up the author’s life with her drug addict ex husband. The lies. The excuses. The formerly athletic man descending into a corpse-like state until the drugs finally win and he becomes an actual corpse (that’s no spoiler - the author finds her ex-husband’s body right there in the first chapter.)
Mingled with hints that her ex died a hopeless addict, we get the story of how the author entered into a marriage that was essentially loveless from the beginning - the union came more for health insurance than any real attraction. As a family man her ex is largely a disaster - always late, always distant, yet even as his health falls away with his weight and his hair, the family fails to see the obvious fact that he is suffering from drug addiction.
After his death, we learn the effects hard drug use can have on the body. Many deaths labeled “overdoses” are more realistically simply the accumulated effects of pumping poison into one’s body over the course of years.
The story of the marriage, addiction and death make for a fairly interesting read, and the book would have done well to end there.
But the last third of the book, which essentially becomes a text book about modern-day addiction, is an absolute trudge. The author quotes books and studies and articles to deadening effect.
I would not recommend this book. The initial story has been told better elsewhere, and the final chapters simply summarize the work of others.
December 8, 2020
I once had a friend tell me that everytime they went out to eat and sat down with a group of people they would automatically count how many were at the table, divide by four, and start to wonder of the number in their head which people at that table were themselves an addict or married to one. White collar addiction is real, prevelant, and heartbreaking.
Eilene Zimmerman tells the true story of her ex-husband who struggled with drug use and the part his high pressure career as a parter at a big law firm played in that addiction. Following her personal account she then shares the research she completed after his death. The information included about Gen Z and their entrance into the workplace, and the part substances will play, wasn't uplifting but it’s important. For anyone wanting more information beyond the prevalent headlines on this subject I would highly recommend this book.
Eilene Zimmerman tells the true story of her ex-husband who struggled with drug use and the part his high pressure career as a parter at a big law firm played in that addiction. Following her personal account she then shares the research she completed after his death. The information included about Gen Z and their entrance into the workplace, and the part substances will play, wasn't uplifting but it’s important. For anyone wanting more information beyond the prevalent headlines on this subject I would highly recommend this book.
July 23, 2020
This was a good book...not excellent or fantastic....but simply good. It’s not the writers fault on the feelings of this book but the topic that was covered. The topic of addiction and what happened to her husband Peter is heart wrenching.
The book is really two stories in one book:
1. One being the story of Peter, his addiction and ultimate death
2. The other being the sobering truth of the use of prescription drugs and illegal drugs in our society
The part where the writer describes her kids reactions to their dads death was really well written.....hard but really true and raw. His death was/is so senseless.
The part where she provides statistics of the use of drugs by high school students, college students, law students and subsequent use of drugs in their chosen professions (ie lawyers, doctors, executives) was dis heartening
Being parents of high school aged kids and the prevalence of drugs makes our job of parenting so difficult. The response of “everybody does it” doesn’t cut it with me personally but your kids find a way to manipulate the situation
The fact that over 40% of high school kids have used marijuana at least once and the unknown future affects on the development of the brain makes the future look bleak.
The generation that has only known the iPhone and never without are leaning towards a generation of addicts. Addicted to “likes, addicted to the waiting for the next text or snap message, addicted on the ability to get an answer to a question in a click on your phone has made their interpersonal skills non existent and when they don’t get the like and / or text message in this digital world, they move to drugs as a replacement high.
Both parts of the book are sobering, well written but overall depressing if our millennials and generation z are going to follow this addiction path.
Worth reading and I would ask to ask your self.....”of those that are close to you, are they abusing drugs in some form or fashion?” The answers will surprise you!!!
The book is really two stories in one book:
1. One being the story of Peter, his addiction and ultimate death
2. The other being the sobering truth of the use of prescription drugs and illegal drugs in our society
The part where the writer describes her kids reactions to their dads death was really well written.....hard but really true and raw. His death was/is so senseless.
The part where she provides statistics of the use of drugs by high school students, college students, law students and subsequent use of drugs in their chosen professions (ie lawyers, doctors, executives) was dis heartening
Being parents of high school aged kids and the prevalence of drugs makes our job of parenting so difficult. The response of “everybody does it” doesn’t cut it with me personally but your kids find a way to manipulate the situation
The fact that over 40% of high school kids have used marijuana at least once and the unknown future affects on the development of the brain makes the future look bleak.
The generation that has only known the iPhone and never without are leaning towards a generation of addicts. Addicted to “likes, addicted to the waiting for the next text or snap message, addicted on the ability to get an answer to a question in a click on your phone has made their interpersonal skills non existent and when they don’t get the like and / or text message in this digital world, they move to drugs as a replacement high.
Both parts of the book are sobering, well written but overall depressing if our millennials and generation z are going to follow this addiction path.
Worth reading and I would ask to ask your self.....”of those that are close to you, are they abusing drugs in some form or fashion?” The answers will surprise you!!!
August 4, 2020
Absorbing memoir about a woman who marries a job recruiter in NYC then falls for him. She is a journalist and he is a lawyer, both early in their careers. They marry and have two kids. Peter, her husband has always been aloof abruptly asks for a divorce. She’s shocked and he stays close to her life and her kids. In San Diego he becomes a successful corporate lawyer. When her kids are in college and his behavior has been bizarre for years, she discovers him dead. The reasons are because of an overdose and she discovers he’s been abusing many drugs for years. She tried to figure out why she was blind for so many years.
January 3, 2021
This story's examination of this couple's life and Peter's hidden drug addiction will grab your heart and mind from beginning to end. It is an expertly crafted memoir, but also an important research piece on the overlooked topic of drug abuse among elite professionals. The writer's stark honesty and vulnerability is riveting. The book goes back and forth in time much like the very best thrillers or mysteries, and the research part is digestible and interesting. The descriptions are spectacularly realistic and the reader is right there with the writer when her knees buckle or when she is carsick. What shines through this heartbreaking recounting is the author's admirable determination that the death of her partner of almost 30 years be a lesson and a warning to us all. She opens our eyes to overlooked signs of addiction and to our own stereotypes of what an "addict" looks like. This is a story that desperately needed to be told, and in the wake of this country's opiod crisis we are lucky that this exquisitely thoughtful and brilliant writer told it. But before you think the topic isn't for you, there is something much larger and universal here: the lesson that we humans can make it through tragedy, and that we can even come through it realizing there is something about ourselves to examine and improve, and that sharing our truth can help others. And that is a story not just about drug abuse, but about life.
November 17, 2020
This book is the perfect expose of drug addiction in the white collar community or that of lawyers, doctors and techies.
It’s perfect because the author has a personal story to tell of the addiction to death of her ex-husband and co-parenter, along with her training in journalism and research. The story is fascinating albeit fatalistic and there is just the right mix of research instead of too much.
Wisdom bits:
“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.” Kierkegaard
“Be like water making its way through cracks.” An extreme paraphrase of Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu.
Also the cautionary takeaway for the Z generation and the parents of those 8-23 year olds: Z is the first generation that was born into existing social media. They have not known a world without it. Research has shown that a text message only conveys 5% of an intended message. Tone of voice is 40% of the message and body language is another 55%. This can cause anxiety and depression and a generation that has grown up using medication to help them manage mental health problems. This combination is a unique blend of lifestyle that so easily causes the slip into addiction.
And just another good reminder that parenting does not end at 18 years.
It’s perfect because the author has a personal story to tell of the addiction to death of her ex-husband and co-parenter, along with her training in journalism and research. The story is fascinating albeit fatalistic and there is just the right mix of research instead of too much.
Wisdom bits:
“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.” Kierkegaard
“Be like water making its way through cracks.” An extreme paraphrase of Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu.
Also the cautionary takeaway for the Z generation and the parents of those 8-23 year olds: Z is the first generation that was born into existing social media. They have not known a world without it. Research has shown that a text message only conveys 5% of an intended message. Tone of voice is 40% of the message and body language is another 55%. This can cause anxiety and depression and a generation that has grown up using medication to help them manage mental health problems. This combination is a unique blend of lifestyle that so easily causes the slip into addiction.
And just another good reminder that parenting does not end at 18 years.
August 4, 2020
A heartbreaking and affecting memoir I couldn't put down, Eilene Zimmerman's story of her ambitious, successful, yet drug-addicted (ex)husband shows how it is possible for an addict to go undetected, even by those closest to him/her. Other than the much-publicized opiate crisis, I didn't realize that drug use has become even more prevalent in the US now than when I was growing up (and admit to dabbling in myself way back in the day). In the midst of sharing her story, Eilene summarizes some startling statistics about drug use among Millennials and GenZ'ers in America. This book is tough to read at times but a powerful and important cautionary tale.
April 15, 2020
It's always astounding people who live with others who are in the throes of mental illness, alcoholism, or drug use and be blind. I can say this because I too lived with it long ago. We're not stupid people, but maybe wear rose coloured glasses? Ms. Zimmerman puts herself out there, and I felt empathy for her. I can only hope that people who are in similar situations might not be so hard on themselves. Worth a read.
December 16, 2019
Heartbreaking tale of addiction.
* I read an advance copy and was not compensated
* I read an advance copy and was not compensated
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