Armchair Mystic: How Contemplative Prayer Can Lead You Closer to God

by Mark E. Thibodeaux

This user-friendly book blends theory and practice, gently and concretely taking the reader through the first steps of contemplative prayer. Armchair Mysticbegins with the necessary details of time and place to pray, then presents the maturation of the prayer life in four stages: Talking at God, Talking to God, Listening to God, and Being with God. Step-by-step exercises throughout the book provide concrete examples of how to use the concepts discussed. Armchair Mysticwill prove invaluable to individuals and small groups who are new to contemplative prayer, or who wish to deepen their experience of it. This updated edition includes a new preface and afterword from the author.

Genres: Prayer, Spirituality, Religion, Faith, Christianity, Nonfiction, Catholic

224 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2001

About the author

Rev. Father Mark E. Thibodeaux, SJ, is a spiritual director for Jesuits in formation, with a focus on prayer and discernment.

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lately a lot of my nonfiction reading has been focused on prayer, meditation and spiritual life. This book was in a long list of titles for further reading at the back of Philip Yancey's book on Prayer that I read earlier this year.
This is an excellent introduction to contemplative prayer, written by Jesuit teacher Mark Thibodeaux. I found a lot of overlap here with the content in Dean Sluyter's Natural Meditation. The similarities surprised me, but I liked it.
The idea of communion and relationship with God has been difficult for me to grasp, but the author's explanation and approach was surprisingly accessible and, in many ways, concrete. There are of course no magic words or wacky promises here, but I find the method of prayer hopeful and comforting.
Highly recommended. This is one I'll use for regular reference, so I'm glad I bought a copy.

[Scott Graham · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a Presbyterian minister, and Thibodeaux is a Catholic priest, but I found Armchair Mystic to be an outstanding introduction to the actual process of contemplative prayer. Many of the classics on the spiritual life offer outstanding analogies on the process of spiritual growth, but Thibodeaux's particular gift is in giving you tools on HOW to do it. His comparison of the stages of his relationship to God with the relationship with his elderly Aunt is worth the price of the book. Again, Thibodeaux is Catholic, and he hews to a strict 'denominational' line in his analogies and his bibliography. Yet in my opinion, most Protestants interested in contemplative prayer could benefit from Armchair Mystic.

[Claire Raabe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m always a bit skeptical of books on prayer but this one won me over on all fronts. It artfully integrates practical exercises with spiritual truths that are soft on the soul. The author has a voice of gentle humility and honest frankness that makes him accessible and earnest. I’ll be returning to this one!

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Prayer for dummies! Lots of good ideas on how to get into Ignatian prayer :)

[Hanna Richter · Rating 5 out of 5]

best prayer book. I give it to all my students!! 11/10

[Sarah Pascual · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn’t want this book to end! I’ve read it slowly across a long period of time and continually refer back to previous chapters. The author is grounded and down to earth, making contemplative prayer seem accessible and enjoyable — even for the busy and extroverted. This is my #1 go to book on prayer!

[Candice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Re-reading this book for a second time. I think it might be even better the second time! Not just 'head' knowledge of contemplative prayer, but actual tips on how to just 'be' with God. Excellent!

[Bailey L. · Rating 5 out of 5]

My second read of this in a year. A prayer book to re-read often. You will need a highlighter. Take it on retreat. Share it with others. Bring it to your daily prayer. It’s a fount of wisdom.

[Alisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am very bad at praying. I don't have the sense that I am doing it wrong, but basically I don't enjoy it and I don't like praying. It seems more like a chore since it is hard to see the benefits of. After all, doesn't God already know my needs and wants? And can't I know what God wants through reading the Bible? I have had amazing moments in prayer over my lifetime. But 99% of my experience has not been amazing. Some people seem to have amazing, enjoyable, or at least satisfying experiences far more often than me, so that is why I continue to practice it and make an effort to learn more about it.

This book is the best book about prayer that I have read. It is easy to read and understand, with many illustrative examples.

The author never seems to pass judgment on any style of prayer. Rather, there is a place for all of it. He breaks the different styles of prayer into 4 progressive maturity stages, but that isn't to say that you ever fully 'leave' or grow out of using the prior stages. It is just that you have more options and different preferences as you mature. The stages are: talking at God (recited or read prayers), talking with God (free form verbal prayer), listening to God (meditation and listening), and being with God (immersion into God, losing one's sense of self and feeling at one with God, 'dying to oneself' in Biblical parlance).

He also has a very compssionate outlook on distractions and the desert seasons of prayer (also called the dark night of the soul), and how these can be used as positive things in our prayer life. God is a god who wastes nothing, indeed.

I'd say this book has been exceedingly helpful and encouraging to me. I feel motivated to keep trying and making prayer more of a daily priority in my life. I have decided to reallocate the majority of my quiet time to that instead of reading.

My fav quote, from monks who host guests for prayer retreats: "We hope you enjoy your stay. If you need anything, please let us know and we will teach you to live without it."

[Adam Shields · Rating 4 out of 5]

Summary: An easy to read, story, and suggested exercise-oriented introduction to contemplative prayer. 

Again, as I tend to do, I read a book that I had for a class in conversation with another book. I was assigned Armchair Mystic: How Contemplative Prayer Can Lead You Closer to God by Mark Thibodeaux. And I read it in conversation with How to Pray by Pete Greig. Mark Thibodeaux is a Jesuit parish priest in New Orleans. The version I read was the 20th-anniversary edition, and he wrote the book based on the graduate school research into contemplative prayer. However, it is oriented toward a non-technical approach toward prayer.

Both books are very story heavy and use many illustrations to talk about prayer. In both cases, they are talking about various types of prayer, and they both agree that the main priority of prayer is a relationship with God. Prayer is often challenging to talk about, not just because it is mystical, but because prayer is experiential more than theoretical. But prayer, as much as it is experiential, tends to be talked about in theological terms. And in many cases, it seems to me that we frame our experiences in regard to the theology so that even if the experience of prayer is similar, the theological perspective on that prayer may be very different.

One of the places where there is tension is the role of our work in prayer and God's work in prayer. Both Greig and Thibodeaux emphasize that prayer is God's work. It also talks about the importance of making prayer a habit and something we do daily, even if for a short period. We are transformed through prayer, not through occasional but extended periods of prayer, but with consistent daily prayer over years. I want to affirm that prayer is God's work, but I think that there are points when this is overemphasized because we do have a role.

Once, at a youth Mass, I noticed someone wearing a T-shirt that said, “I’m not a saint yet, but I’m working on it.” What a contradiction in terms! The saints don’t work at being saints. The saints are those who give up! They are the ones who admit and accept their failure to be holy, and allow God to do holy things within them. They do not “achieve” sainthood; they receive it as a free gift from God. Like Archbishop Romero, they say to God, “I can’t. You must.” Like Saint Paul, they joyfully proclaim, “I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me” (2 Corinthians 12: 9).

Thibodeaux is right to say that sainthood is a gift from God. But as Paul says in 1 Cor 9:24-27, we have a role. Paul uses sports training metaphors to suggest that there are things that we should be doing to 'not run like someone running aimlessly.' I do not want to use too strong of language here because Thibodeaux is countering a real problem: trying to manipulate or achieve a type of status that is not centered on a relationship with God.

A tragic irony of prayer is that many people censure themselves with God more than with anyone else. Many people feel they need to say just the right thing to God in order to keep God happy, or at least in order to hold back his wrath. They do not believe that God loves them unconditionally and will accept anything they say. Those who flourish in this type of prayer are those who can peel away these layers of censorship. Consequently, they find this type of prayer a freeing experience. (Here is is talking about the helpfulness of fixed prayer like Prayer of the Hours or the Book of Common Prayer)

And then later in a series of chapters on problems in prayer he says:

[We] must remember that prayer is not an assignment from God wherein I must accomplish some task. I trust in God and relax because whether I catch any fish or simply watch the passing critters, I will do it in God’s presence, and no time with God is wasted time.

His assurance that even when we are frustrated or distracted or feeling like our prayers are bouncing off the ceiling, there is a value in prayer because we are with God is helpful. In many ways, the book emphasizes that prayer is about being with God and that we should not worry about our preconceptions and meeting some goal or task or achievement, but that our job is to show up. Day after day, throughout a lifetime.

On the whole, I found Armchair Mystic helpful. It's story-oriented practical advice, like, "I would say that beginners often make the mistake of praying longer periods inconsistently rather than adopt the wiser strategy of praying shorter periods consistently," makes it easy to read. However, I did read it slowly because it is full of suggested exercises and concepts that require some time to digest. I did not do most of the activities; although I can see the value of many of them, it is still a book oriented toward slow reading.

I thought that both How to Pray and Armchair Mystic were similarly weak was a lack of focus on prayer's communal aspects. Both talked about prayer as a means to energize us toward action. Both suggested that there were times when we would pray with others. Neither spent much time on how communal prayer works or why you would pray with others outside of corporate worship.

I know that I have been thinking about our faith's communal aspects because I have been reading Misreading Scripture Through Individualist Eyes. Still, prayer in group settings has played a significant role in my spiritual development. When we overemphasize individual prayer, we alienate people that are more wired toward corporate and communal aspects of prayer. We should all be praying individually at times. But that is not the only type of prayer that is important to develop. Armchair Mystic is primarily focused on contemplative prayer, which is more individually oriented. But even contemplative prayer is not solely about individual prayer.

[Katie Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title almost put me off this book, but I'm very glad I gave it a chance.

Thibodeaux has a lovely way of writing about prayer and provides many creative and relaxed exercises for going deeper. He's changed my life for the better, mostly by validating that the goal of prayer is new eyes and new ears that see and hear God everywhere. Beautiful.

[Tina Crog · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of good exercises you could use individually or for a prayer retreat.

[Nancy Caren Ramon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do you ever feel like you want, or rather, need to get closer to God?
Do you, when praying find your mind wandering and unable to focus on prayer?
Do you have no idea how to even begin to pray?
Or, do you find there are "dry" times in your prayer life, where you feel you are bombarding God with requests, but you don't hear Him? Or, He isn't even bothering to answer you?
All of these questions and more are answered in this book. It took me 5 months to read because I took it section by section, trying all the things the author suggested. Other than my Bible, I don't believe I've ever highlighted so many passages in a book.
Whether you are a novice pray-er or have been praying all of your life, I guarantee you will find something in this book to uplift you. I know it did me.

[Katy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love love love this book.
If you ever wanted to learn how to do contemplative prayer (prayer without words) this is the book for you.
Practical, funny, insightful.
It has changed my life, by changing my prayer life.

[David Mullens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book on prayer and the spiritual life. I like how he uses his life to explain more difficult topics. He does a great job of explaining various concepts, growing in prayer, and the point of prayer. I recommend this book.

[Vanessa Bustamante · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fabulous read. I searched for a book that would merge meditation and catholicism into one and this was the perfect one. Along with God I have Issues, both books have helped me tremendously in my efforts to pray mindfully not only a repetitive prayer
and more often.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked this book very much and it was helpful in that the author supplied personal anecdotes. He also gave quite a few "exercises" to help with prayer. I would recommend it to anyone who wants to start a refreshed prayer life.

[Alicia Shafer · Rating 3 out of 5]

pretty good. I kind of prefer books of this type that you can pick and choose things from that work for you. This book was more like a program to follow so it was harder to skip around in.

[Noelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

So far this book is very insightful. Great for anyone working on that whole inner path/spiritual growth thang.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really practical ways to pray and grow deeper in your relationship with God and in contemplation. Easy to read and insightful.

[Brice Higginbotham · Rating 4 out of 5]

After several years, I still use lessons and remember graphics from this book which help me to hear the voice of God and receive His love.

[Patrick May · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book on prayer for everyone

[Patricia · Rating 4 out of 5]

A warm invitation from my spiritual director!

[Patti Clement · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my top 10 favorite books. Excellent down to earth examples of how our prayer lives evolve.

[Kris]

Recommended by James Martin in Between Heaven and Mirth.

[Tamara Murphy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Easily accessible insights into the practice of contemplative prayer.

A few favorite quotations:

“This is what actually distinguishes a mystic from a novice pray-er. Mystics often have as many distractions as novices do, but the difference is in their perception of and their reaction to them….”

Chapter 13 “Why I’m Bored With God: Hints of an Explanation”

“There is a common strand in the images presented thus far. All of them imply that there is great value in self-sacrifice. The relationship images, in particular, seem to indicate that this sacrifice may be a necessary element of mature, intimate relationships. Perhaps this is what God is up to when he allows dryness in my prayer: God sets up a situation that allows me to make a sacrifice for our relationship, thereby strengthening the bond between us.”

P. 151

“Specifically, I define prayer as recognition of God, transformation by God and union with God.”

P. 159

“So then, when I pray I become attuned to the presence of God in my everyday life (recognition of God). I also begin to surrender all of my life to God’s lordship during prayer (transformation by God). Finally, when I pray I come into mystical union with God, a oneness not severed when I rise from my prayer time (union with God). These are the three most important qualities of prayer.

Note, however, that the three are really one and the same quality. The transformation that takes place in prayer is ultimately a transformation of perception. What is surrendered in this transformation - my lordship and my separateness from God - never really existed in the first place? They were only illusions and mirages, smoke and mirrors. God has always been God and has always carried me in his bosom (see Isaiah 40:11). From the moment of my creation, God and I have always been together in mystical oneness. I just didn’t know it until now.”

P. 162

“The Bible warns time and again against the fallacy that holds that I can be close to God without being close to God’s people. It condemns any sort of God-and-me spirituality that does not result in an outpouring of love toward others: (Is. 58:5-7).”

P. 168

“Any prayer life that does not make me an instrument of God's saving action in the world is an inauthentic one. Even cloistered monks, who live lives of solitude, do not view their vocation as being set apart from the world. Trappist contemplative Thomas Merton writes:

‘One of the worst illusions in the mystical life would be to try to find God by barricading yourself inside your own soul, shutting out all external reality by sheer concentration and will-power, cutting yourself off from the world and other men by stuffing yourself inside your own mind and closing the door like a turtle...We do not go into the desert to escape people but to learn how to find them.’”

[Dean · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really good and easy to read book about contemplative prayer. It is written in small chapters. Thibodeaux’s writing style and down to earth illustrations make it an enjoyable read and definitely helps to ground the practicalities of contemplative prayer. I started to put some of this into practice and am enjoying my experience with the Lord. In a busy life this book and it’s teaching on prayer are a real God send.

[Haley Stewart · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a great starting point or exploratory guide for contemplative prayer. I was wanting a little more from it, but I thought it gave great and gentle guides for how to start this as a life practice.

[Teresa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I give 5 stars only to books that changed my thinking or my life. I stumbled upon this gem in a thrift store. I read through it one chapter at a time, and now I'm ready to re read and to put it into practice. Presumably I will be back to add another star in the future.

[Irene · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good overview of the practice of prayer rooted in the best of Catholic spiritual tradition. The examples make concepts clear. Although I have read all of this before, I heard so much as if for the first time.