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I Am Not Your Enemy: Stories to Transform a Divided World
Award Winner in the Social Change category of the 2020 Best Book Awards sponsored by American Book Fest.
Are you my enemy? Am I yours?
Violent stories surround us. Brutal beginnings, horror-filled middles, despair-inducing endings. We need better stories: stories forged in the furnace of conflict, narratives that kindle compassion and ignite hope. In the pages of I Am Not Your Enemy, writer Michael T. McRay visits divided regions of the world and interviews activists, peacebuilders, former combatants about their personal stories of conflict, justice, and reconciliation. In Israel and Palestine, Northern Ireland, and South Africa, he hears from grieving parents who partner together across enemy lines, a woman who meets her father’s killer, and a man who uses theater to counter the oppression of his people, and many more.
In a time of heightened alienation and fear, McRay offers true, sacred stories of reconciliation and justice, asking what they can teach us about our own divided states. Must violence be met with violence? Is my belonging complete only when I take away yours? Will more guns, more walls, more weapons keep us safe?
We need stories that cultivate empathy and tell the truth. We need stories to save us from our fear.
Are you my enemy? Am I yours?
Violent stories surround us. Brutal beginnings, horror-filled middles, despair-inducing endings. We need better stories: stories forged in the furnace of conflict, narratives that kindle compassion and ignite hope. In the pages of I Am Not Your Enemy, writer Michael T. McRay visits divided regions of the world and interviews activists, peacebuilders, former combatants about their personal stories of conflict, justice, and reconciliation. In Israel and Palestine, Northern Ireland, and South Africa, he hears from grieving parents who partner together across enemy lines, a woman who meets her father’s killer, and a man who uses theater to counter the oppression of his people, and many more.
In a time of heightened alienation and fear, McRay offers true, sacred stories of reconciliation and justice, asking what they can teach us about our own divided states. Must violence be met with violence? Is my belonging complete only when I take away yours? Will more guns, more walls, more weapons keep us safe?
We need stories that cultivate empathy and tell the truth. We need stories to save us from our fear.
- GenresNonfiction
256 pages, Paperback
Published April 21, 2020
9 people are currently reading
221 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
June 28, 2020
Wow this was good. The stories are stunning, unforgettable. The author says that stories might be the thing that saves us, and this book makes a compelling case. I want lots of people to read this.
December 11, 2021
I really enjoyed the combination of interviews featured in this book - each story made me see conflict transformation, peace, and social justice work from a different angle. I also found a lot of thought-provoking ideas about the role of narrative and story-telling / story-sharing in the work of peace and conflict resolution. Such a valuable collection of interviews with ordinary humans who have done extraordinary healing work - looking forward to continued exploration of this space.
May 2, 2020
Several times while reading, I had to put tge book down and just sit with these powerful stories. I am hopeful, after reading it, that peace is possible in a divided world, and I am challenged by those featured in the book, to work for peace, not just talk about it. A timely and necessary gift.
May 18, 2020
I was challenged & refreshed by this book and by these tangible examples of extraordinary peace building from ordinary people in the midst of unsurmountable grief and injustice. McRay shares stories of heart-wrenching grief embedded in often confusing & complex political landscapes, and makes them even a fraction more accessible to those who are bewildered by them. He writes with great conversational flow and captures the true feeling of these interviews, right down to the shared coffees & emotional pauses, placing you right there beside them in those moments. He also protects the integrity of the life & story of these folks who have become friends to him (and readers alike); their grief stands alone unto itself while simultaneously fitting into a larger narrative of war, injustice, & sometimes disingenuous reconciliation work. Their stories of resiliency & the deeper narrative work each had to enter into were sobering, making us understand how hard reconciliation is faced with such loss & justification for hatred. And it was truly eye-opening to follow them through turning their inward journey outwards, by creating spaces in their communities to glimpse the humanity of the “other” across divides & imagine a different world together.
McRay indicates quite candidly what some bureaucratic figures and political structures have failed to recognize - the foundational work of building trust & empathy in each other’s stories can only be done in tandem with providing necessary socio-economic justice & human rights. Stories can be the glue that builds compassion across division, as this book illustrates, but without rectifying power imbalances and human rights violations, “reconciliation” becomes a shallow attempt at painting injustice as historical rather than perpetuated. Written for an understandably American audience, I was most struck by how I could relate this to a Canadian context, with our own foundation of colonialism continuing to be enacted in our racism against people of colour and specifically Indigenous peoples. It is a truly messy & long journey, as McRay reminds us, one which can only succeed with broadening our narrative scope of who is good and who is evil, having true respect for each other's stories, and having steadfast commitment to righting injustices rather than just providing lip service to them.
I would highly recommend for anyone who is willing to challenge their notions of friend or enemy and looking to find more complex stories among the easy narratives of division - McRay does this so well as to not overwhelm readers or push them deeper into those naive divisions, but to open up our capacity for empathy and challenge us based on our shared humanity.
McRay indicates quite candidly what some bureaucratic figures and political structures have failed to recognize - the foundational work of building trust & empathy in each other’s stories can only be done in tandem with providing necessary socio-economic justice & human rights. Stories can be the glue that builds compassion across division, as this book illustrates, but without rectifying power imbalances and human rights violations, “reconciliation” becomes a shallow attempt at painting injustice as historical rather than perpetuated. Written for an understandably American audience, I was most struck by how I could relate this to a Canadian context, with our own foundation of colonialism continuing to be enacted in our racism against people of colour and specifically Indigenous peoples. It is a truly messy & long journey, as McRay reminds us, one which can only succeed with broadening our narrative scope of who is good and who is evil, having true respect for each other's stories, and having steadfast commitment to righting injustices rather than just providing lip service to them.
I would highly recommend for anyone who is willing to challenge their notions of friend or enemy and looking to find more complex stories among the easy narratives of division - McRay does this so well as to not overwhelm readers or push them deeper into those naive divisions, but to open up our capacity for empathy and challenge us based on our shared humanity.
July 21, 2020
I read this book as a part of a book study led by McRay (the author himself). These stories, mostly from Israel-Palestine but also from Northern Ireland and South Africa, chronicle the difficulties we humans have in securing peace among each other. They tell of how each side of really difficult conflicts can come to live peacefully and non-violently with the other.
McRay is not the subject here. Rather, he is the interviewer. He has contacted people who have overcome extreme circumstances. McRay is the storyteller, almost a journalist. But his agenda is not to report news; it is to teach us how to live peacefully. These stories are specifically addressed to an American audience by an American author and provide food to comment on contemporary American issues.
Jo’s story in Northern Ireland moved me perhaps the most. In 1984, when only twelve years old, Jo lost her father to violence at the hand of the IRA. After conviction and over a decade in jail, the murderer of Jo’s father was released from prison as a part of peace accords. Jo eventually sought to meet him and forgave him. They chatted, met a few more times, bonded as friends, and began telling their story of how they began to see each other as humans. Now, they travel the world together to tell their stories. Stories like this, intimately told with vivid detail, fill this book.
I’d like to hear more from McRay on emerging conflicts, especially in Asia (such as that in Myanmar) as well as in places like Somalia and the Sudan. Language is obviously an issue in these regions, and McRay, in this work, focused on areas where English is commonly spoken. Nonetheless, American audiences need to be informed about other injustices that are not as widely known.
Nonetheless, McRay provides us with stories of transformation and of hope in difficult situations. He uses the deliberate decisions of everyday humans to teach us the ways of peace. That story needs to be told over and over again in an oft-warring world.
McRay is not the subject here. Rather, he is the interviewer. He has contacted people who have overcome extreme circumstances. McRay is the storyteller, almost a journalist. But his agenda is not to report news; it is to teach us how to live peacefully. These stories are specifically addressed to an American audience by an American author and provide food to comment on contemporary American issues.
Jo’s story in Northern Ireland moved me perhaps the most. In 1984, when only twelve years old, Jo lost her father to violence at the hand of the IRA. After conviction and over a decade in jail, the murderer of Jo’s father was released from prison as a part of peace accords. Jo eventually sought to meet him and forgave him. They chatted, met a few more times, bonded as friends, and began telling their story of how they began to see each other as humans. Now, they travel the world together to tell their stories. Stories like this, intimately told with vivid detail, fill this book.
I’d like to hear more from McRay on emerging conflicts, especially in Asia (such as that in Myanmar) as well as in places like Somalia and the Sudan. Language is obviously an issue in these regions, and McRay, in this work, focused on areas where English is commonly spoken. Nonetheless, American audiences need to be informed about other injustices that are not as widely known.
Nonetheless, McRay provides us with stories of transformation and of hope in difficult situations. He uses the deliberate decisions of everyday humans to teach us the ways of peace. That story needs to be told over and over again in an oft-warring world.
May 13, 2021
I heard McRay interviewed on a podcast and immediately bought the book. He is a good storyteller, and the stories are compelling. In preparing this book he spent time in Israel/Palestine, Northern Ireland (or “the north of Ireland” depending on which side of the conflict you are on) and South Africa. Essentially the book is stories of individuals in each of those locations who are bridging the divide between historical enemies. There are many stories from each location but the story of Rami and Bassam is hard to beat. (Their story was featured in the book I reviewed last year, Apeirogon by Colum McCann.) Rami’s 14 year old daughter—a Jew—was killed by a Palestinian suicide bomber in Tel Aviv while walking with friends to a bookstore, and Bassam’s 10 year old daughter—a Palestinian—was shot in the back by an Israeli soldier after walking out of a candy store with her friends. Rather than hate, these two joined the “Parents Circle” consisting of parents who have lost a child to this ongoing battle, and they have dedicated their lives to peace. It is hard to image a more compelling story. The book is a collection of stories like this, tied together by McRay’s narrative of traveling to each spot and meeting these folks. Good book with important/powerful stories. As an aside, Hamas and Israel are killing each other again, the first such wide scale confrontation in 7 years. Coincidentally, my wife and I were there 7 years ago while they were shooting rockets at each other. An unnerving time to be in Israel. Anyway, good book.
December 17, 2022
Michael gifted this book to me while he was recently leading a delegation to Palestine that he arranged for me to speak with.
I thank him for sharing these stories of pain and hope from Palestine, Israel, Ireland/Northern Ireland, and South Africa.
I share these two passages that stuck with me:
"We cannot be interested only in forgiveness, kindness, empathy, and compassion; we must also consider things like power, generational trauma, redistribution of resources, reparations for harm, economic empowerment, and what to do with four hundred years of grieving. Advocates of reconciliation and advocates of justice must work together as colleagues, or we may, quite ironically, fight one another like enemies."
"I think it's important to say here that questioning the validity of generalizing a group of people is not equivalent to saying white South Africans weren't complicit in apartheid. Of course they were. They weren't all guilty in equal ways, but everyone who benefits from an unjust system and is not actively working to dismantle it is at least partly responsible for its harm. The same is true in Israel. The same is true in the United States."
And the struggle for peace with justice continues.
Sam Bahour, Nov. 5, 2022
I thank him for sharing these stories of pain and hope from Palestine, Israel, Ireland/Northern Ireland, and South Africa.
I share these two passages that stuck with me:
"We cannot be interested only in forgiveness, kindness, empathy, and compassion; we must also consider things like power, generational trauma, redistribution of resources, reparations for harm, economic empowerment, and what to do with four hundred years of grieving. Advocates of reconciliation and advocates of justice must work together as colleagues, or we may, quite ironically, fight one another like enemies."
"I think it's important to say here that questioning the validity of generalizing a group of people is not equivalent to saying white South Africans weren't complicit in apartheid. Of course they were. They weren't all guilty in equal ways, but everyone who benefits from an unjust system and is not actively working to dismantle it is at least partly responsible for its harm. The same is true in Israel. The same is true in the United States."
And the struggle for peace with justice continues.
Sam Bahour, Nov. 5, 2022
February 20, 2022
I did not expect that this book would have the amount of commentary and personal stories from the author that it did. His knowledge of the region, history, terminology, and people is certainly essential for context. But I personally did not like that the narration continually veered off into his own experience’s and applications. Based on the synopsis and his intro (maybe I misread or maybe knowing the author’s full body of work would have better prepared me), I expected this to be mostly the interviewees’ words and was left wanting to hear more from the people he interviewed.
His intro mentioned concern for his privilege and centering himself, so it was a bit of a contrast to the myriad of times he was kinda…the center of the story.
To be fair, I will mention I read this in the wee hours of the night/morning while up feeding a newborn so maybe I missed something.
His intro mentioned concern for his privilege and centering himself, so it was a bit of a contrast to the myriad of times he was kinda…the center of the story.
To be fair, I will mention I read this in the wee hours of the night/morning while up feeding a newborn so maybe I missed something.
April 26, 2020
“Reconciliation that isn’t interested in the injustices that are dividing people is shallow at best and sinister at worst.”
What a sad and powerful book- a great compilation of tragic stories turned hopeful towards peace. We all need to read this or at least listen to the stories of those different than us. Those we fear, those we don’t understand. Yet many won’t. We don’t want to be pushed to listen and change, like Michael encourages in this book.
”But rather than let this lead to despair, we’d be wise to let it lead to courage, hope, and action. We get to be part of the journey toward healing and transforming our fractured communities.”
Receiving an advanced copy of this book was a privilege. I appreciate the opportunity to review and share my thoughts with others.
What a sad and powerful book- a great compilation of tragic stories turned hopeful towards peace. We all need to read this or at least listen to the stories of those different than us. Those we fear, those we don’t understand. Yet many won’t. We don’t want to be pushed to listen and change, like Michael encourages in this book.
”But rather than let this lead to despair, we’d be wise to let it lead to courage, hope, and action. We get to be part of the journey toward healing and transforming our fractured communities.”
Receiving an advanced copy of this book was a privilege. I appreciate the opportunity to review and share my thoughts with others.
April 27, 2020
I Am Not Your Enemy is a thought-provoking and insightful read. Michael McRay travels across the world to explore storied landscapes and streetscapes. Driven by an instinctual knowledge about the power of stories, McRay sources storytellers that offer us nuanced narratives. Each story reveals a piece of ancestral knowledge that resonates beyond the present moment; each story moves you in a space of contemplation and compassion for humanity. In short: a beautiful read.
December 27, 2025
I learned more about the Israeli/Palestinian conflict in this book than anywhere else because it focused on the people. Benyamin Netanyahu, prime minister of Israel is described as being as uninterested in making true peace as any Israeli leader to date. Liberal Israelis see him the way liberal Americans see Donald Trump. A quote that will stay with me is that “… it was the first time ever that victims of terror looked not only to the mosquito but to the swamp” (McCray 183).
May 9, 2020
An important book for such a time as this, when the world is so deeply divided about everything, including what it means to value life and how we care for those who are vulnerable in our communities. I appreciate McRay's storytelling and his empathy, his willingness to listen and the challenge he gives readers to listen well, too.
May 3, 2020
I am genuinely distressed - this is the book I need the entire world to read. If they did, the world would be a lot closer to meaningful peace and tolerance. Truly transformative stories.
Review to come once I've gathered my thoughts and messy notes.
Review to come once I've gathered my thoughts and messy notes.
October 30, 2020
Although the subject matter is interesting and the perspective enlightening, it is a complex story and not as accessible as I expected. A background knowledge in current issues is important to fully appreciate this book.
January 29, 2021
4.5 stars—extremely powerful stories of Hope admit the greatest violence and imaginable pain. The way the author connects his learning overseas to current realities of division and injustice in the US is extremely powerful.
August 19, 2020
Emotionally moving stories but little serious consideration of the root causes of division in our world.
February 23, 2024
This was a great read. The author came to our church and couldn't go, and now I wish I had.
May 18, 2020
I met Michael McRay many years ago and subsequently followed his work in conflict resolution with interest. I was eager to read this book when it was first announced for this reason and I am thankful he chose to send me a copy to review.
I Am Not Your Enemy is a book that challenges the reader to strip away prejudicial notions about "the other" in a world divided by competing demands for supremacy and justice. The center of this work is located in the Israeli-Palestinian national conflict, and occupied Palestine is a place where McRay has spent much of his adulthood. Michael is a careful, hopeful, and honest companion to have in this journey. He is keenly aware of his own privilege as an American outsider with a platform, and he is able to focus our attention on the voices of those speaking to him from experience and often, deep pain.
There is a lot of joy littered throughout this book, amidst the tragic contexts. That is because Michael is amplifying the stories and work of people who are applying the healing arts to the psychological wounds of systemic violence, by doing selfless work alongside those wounded, and alongside those who have done the wounding. There are no easy answers, but a lot of hopeful glimpses at what could be.
No, this book is not advocating a forced kind of reconciliation without addressing injustice and the need for liberation. This is not the kind of book that is here to make us feel good about our outsider perspective on complex conflicts. It is not advocating some sort of constant dialogue without real systemic change. This is a book that finds cracks of hope in the walls built between "us and them", and lets the light shine through.
I Am Not Your Enemy is a book that challenges the reader to strip away prejudicial notions about "the other" in a world divided by competing demands for supremacy and justice. The center of this work is located in the Israeli-Palestinian national conflict, and occupied Palestine is a place where McRay has spent much of his adulthood. Michael is a careful, hopeful, and honest companion to have in this journey. He is keenly aware of his own privilege as an American outsider with a platform, and he is able to focus our attention on the voices of those speaking to him from experience and often, deep pain.
There is a lot of joy littered throughout this book, amidst the tragic contexts. That is because Michael is amplifying the stories and work of people who are applying the healing arts to the psychological wounds of systemic violence, by doing selfless work alongside those wounded, and alongside those who have done the wounding. There are no easy answers, but a lot of hopeful glimpses at what could be.
No, this book is not advocating a forced kind of reconciliation without addressing injustice and the need for liberation. This is not the kind of book that is here to make us feel good about our outsider perspective on complex conflicts. It is not advocating some sort of constant dialogue without real systemic change. This is a book that finds cracks of hope in the walls built between "us and them", and lets the light shine through.
April 24, 2020
A book about listening well, stories, and seeing
This book is compelling, as are the stories Michael McRay shares. Throughout the book Michael sometimes shares the etymology of certain words. For example, I learned that in Hebrew and Arabic, the words “compassion” and “womb” are the same. I think also of the etymology of the word “curate.” A curate was a person who was responsible for the spiritual welfare of his community. In this book, and with great care, Michael has beautifully curated a collection of stories- stories that help us to see others not as Other, and how to listen well.
This book is compelling, as are the stories Michael McRay shares. Throughout the book Michael sometimes shares the etymology of certain words. For example, I learned that in Hebrew and Arabic, the words “compassion” and “womb” are the same. I think also of the etymology of the word “curate.” A curate was a person who was responsible for the spiritual welfare of his community. In this book, and with great care, Michael has beautifully curated a collection of stories- stories that help us to see others not as Other, and how to listen well.
January 13, 2021
Peacemakers. Be the change you want to see. It’s refreshing and beautiful to see what forgiveness, understanding, even pain, horrible as it may be.. through healing..can cause us to realize about our brother next door.
May 23, 2025
Inspirational. A book to take to heart.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews