I Felt a Funeral, In My Brain

by Will Walton

From the author of the poignant and provocative debut Anything Could Happen comes an astonishing novel in verse about love, death, and the poetry we find when we most need it.
How do you deal with a hole in your life?
Do you turn to poets and pop songs?
Do you dream?
Do you try on love just to see how it fits?
Do you grieve?
If you're Avery, you do all of these things. And you write it all down in an attempt to understand what's happened -- and is happening -- to you.
I Felt a Funeral, In My Brain is an astonishing novel about navigating death and navigating life, at a time when the only map you have is the one you can draw for yourself.

Genres: Poetry, Young Adult, LGBT, Contemporary, Fiction, Grief, Queer

304 pages, Paperback

First published May 29, 2018

Reviews

[Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I am burning, if I am learning anything these days, it is that -
the flames you keep touching when you're young,
you keep right ahead touching when you're older"
-- teenage protagonist Avery, on page 199

Although I thought it tried a little too hard at times to be stylish or unique, when Walton's I Felt a Funeral, In My Brain got things right . . . well, my God did it get things right. Sixteen year-old Avery is starting his summer break, and he's newly fascinated with reading classic poetry - he's given a stack of books by a nurturing literature teacher - while also attempting to pound out some verses on his own. Shortly after fracturing his leg in a car accident - and his single parent mother, the driver, heads off once again in an attempt at alcohol rehab - Avery spends some unexpected quality time with his maternal grandfather, who he refers to as 'Pal.' (The grandfather, in return, calls Avery 'Partner.') Eventually 'Pal' passes away - and I'm not spoiling anything, because you've seen the book's title - and some of the text is Avery giving a heartfelt eulogy, interspersed with memories of that quietly eventful summer. I adored the easygoing and caring relationship between those two - made all the more special as 'Pal' accepts Avery, who happens to be gay and does not participate in sports or other typical 'guy' things, for exactly who he is - and I imagined the late Paul Newman, when he was in his 70's and had that pitch-perfect gravelly voice, would've been an ideal actor to portray 'Pal.'

[Jessica J. · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the weirdest, most heart-rending thing I've read in a long time. A mix of novel-in-verse and stream-of-consciousness, it had no narrative structure and bounced from present to past with no warning other than verb tenses. And yet it was a beautiful meditation on heartbreak, grief, love, addiction, family. This is definitely not for everyone, but it's highly recommended for the adventurous reader.

[Nγx ❦ {CLOSED ACCOUNT} · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Poetry is queer really, just by nature.”

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨 𝐢𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡. Will Walton has woven a magnificent fragmented story that is unapologetically honest through songs and poems. The authors prose flows off the pages so effortlessly, i was carried away in a carriage that held but the naked truth or life. 𝐓𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐨𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐬. 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐲, 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞. I swear this book borrowed itself into my mind like nothing else before, similar to having a long dead poet whisper in my ear.
I Felt A Funeral, In My Brain is a stunning work of art. 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐊𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐞, 𝐚 𝐬𝐲𝐦𝐛𝐨𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥. 𝐁𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐚 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐝. This book impacted me because i understood the way Avery saw the world and felt the raw emotions of his pain, grief, loss and love. 𝐈𝐭 𝐩𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐚 𝐝𝐞𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐚𝐲 𝐢 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥. But i suppose that is the thing about pain, it comes with a universal understanding for those who survived it.

“Maybe that is what happens when you shatter: a belief in something bigger. You let light in; you can’t help it. You emerge a sudden believer, you have the strength that it takes to build.”

[Elias · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not a poem, not a novel, I Felt a Funeral, in My Brain is a story in fragments.

Our teenage protagonist, Avery, is attempting to piece it all together: a friendship that is becoming something more, a mother who fails him, and overwhelming, incomprehensible grief following the death of a loved one. Walton masterfully captures here the ways in which grief shatters one's narrative, the ways in which its sharp knives jab at unexpected moments.

As Avery grapples with this most difficult of summers, he is also just a kid learning who he is. His phone is a landline named Susannah, poets become plants in his dreams, and his English teacher has loaned him a stack of books tall enough to last all summer (or maybe he'll need just a few trips to his nearest indie bookstore). Suffused with pop music and funeral rituals, and complex, genuine love, I Felt a Funeral, in My Brain is a nod to the vital importance of music and poetry as life-saving forces.

[Hannah · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's not often I read a book in one sitting, but this one grabbed me and wouldn't let go. Avery's world, shattered by betrayal and grief and reassembled with the help of a passel of poets will reel you in, rock you gently back and forth, and release you into the world, transformed.

[Barbette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Walton is the poetry teacher I never had. He makes me want to eat up Sexton, Berryman, a host of other writers with a spoon. I left "I Felt a Funeral, in My Brain" wanting to read other books, and then this one again.

I lapped Walton’s words up, because there was a funeral in my brain, too. I inhaled his meditations and observations on how alcohol wrecks a family and leaves no one untouched. I felt hurt, but I also felt young and new and an empathetic kinship with the young protagonist.

The poetry merging with prose format lends credibility, believability, and an accurate depiction of the strange sense of time and reality experienced by those floundering in new loss.

My favorite book of this year. "I Felt a Funeral" is a book that matters.

[Tyler Goodson · Rating 5 out of 5]

On the first day of summer, Avery brings home a stack of poetry. Later that summer, as he tries to navigate crushing loss and disappointment, he turns to that poetry again and again; the reading and writing of it. This book is Avery's bold and thrilling record of his heartbreak, love, grief, and family. It's about creating art through pain, and dealing with pain through art. It blew me away.

[Andria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not for the casual reader, this book asks a bit of its audience as the narrative unfolds in a non-linear manner, mixing past and present, poetry and prose. But worth the effort of a careful read, it's a hard-hitting exploration of love, loss, and the power of the written word.

[Jacqueline · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was not for me. So many glowing reviews, but it was a total miss for me. I felt very similarly when reading "Grief is the Thing with Feathers." I really wanted to like that one, as well...but just too weird for me.

[Jaroda · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my most anticipated releases of 2018, I FELT A FUNERAL, IN MY BRAIN is novel that reads like a poem. Avery is lost, trying to make sense of everything going on in his life. Inspired by the poems he reads, he decides to write his way through it all. Covering topics such as addiction, death and sexuality, Will Walton has woven a unique storytelling experience that is both brutally honest and honestly beautiful. I could not recommend this one enough.

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book destroyed me. At first, I wanted to “figure it out,” but I quickly gave up and simply gave myself over to it’s beautiful strangeness. So many bits and parts just broke my heart. I couldn’t put it down.

[Neil Franz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quite difficult to read because of the fragmented narrative but it still has the punch anyway.

[Ghostly Writer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Before I read this, I was really anticipating how the characters involved would be portrayed. I felt as though the characters were one-dimensional, and I didn't enjoy the writing style that Walton uses in his writing.

[Susie · Rating 1 out of 5]

The only thing that kept me going through this book is how quickly I was able to read it. Normally I am one for poetry/prose writing, but there were far too many things going on to really enjoy this book.

[Casey Hannan · Rating 5 out of 5]

You've got to be in for the ride, and I was. This is a book that changes forms as you read it but never to trick or confuse you. It makes both intellectual and emotional sense by reflecting the ways we actually think and feel about our families, friends, lovers, idols, and selves.

[Tracie Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

Part poetry, part novel telling the tale of a teen and his journey with grief. Touching on identity, sexuality, alcoholism, mental health, great poets and family (both blood and the one we choose). Not for everyone but I liked the quirkiness and the main character.

[Megan Russ · Rating 3 out of 5]

this is hard to rate but i'm going 3- keep it in the middle. what an odd book. i both loved and hated it i don't know how to describe this

[Rehan Abd Jamil · Rating 3 out of 5]

Two feet on the floor. To be present, be.

[Thérèse · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am shattering. I am thinking
We all tote around a rot, a sorrow-
In our bodies, like a
Puberty.
When do I get mine, if I haven't-
And I hope (how did you get yours)
That I have? What I am saying is-
like in Peter Pan-
The issue is not (really) growing up too soon.

4.5 stars.

Beautiful. This book is beautiful. I'll admit, I was very weary of picking it up at first. I got it in a bookstore on my birthday (thanks, mom) because I remembered seeing good reviews for it on here and I figured that I wasn't paying so, hey, why not. It sat on my shelf for over a month, being passed up every time I needed a new read because I sort of changed my mind about it. While before I was eager to dive into it, then I wasn't so sure.

The thing that really threw me off initially is the way in which some of the lines are spaced out. Take my quote above for example- although that one isn't really that bad. There are much, much worse. Whilst I love the quote, I really do not think the random spacing was necessary. It all seems a bit extra. I cannot stand when poets put random spaces in their poems to make them seem more aesthetic, like so:
i am
craving some
french
f r i e s

It's dumb, and really takes away from the writing (for me, anyway). That is the only reason why I did not give this book 5 stars. Other than that, it is incredible.

The writing is spectacular. While the read is short (I read it all today in one sitting) it is not what you would call 'light'. It takes a bit of effort to comprehend the story, as the narration is non-cyclical and poetry is often used in order to convey certain thoughts or even scenes. It sounds daunting, I know, but it actually really works. In fact, my favorite chapter of the entire book has to be 'The Long Poem', in which there are over 70 pages of poetry... but it's still the story. It's a bit hard to explain unless you've read the book, but it's wonderful. The chapter is written so, so beautifully. I've never read anything like it, and I do not think that I ever will again.

The main three themes in this book are addiction, grief/loss, and sexuality. They are all, in my opinion, dealt with wonderfully. It was heartbreaking to read about them, actually. The main character, Avery, truly goes through the most difficult of summer holidays. His main way of coping is poetry- his English teacher lends him a stack of poetry books, and he reads them constantly throughout the summer. I loved the emphasis on poetry in a book that contains actual poetry. Furthermore, I really appreciate how the author acknowledged art as a way of coping. I believe art- whether it be writing, painting, dancing, etc- is truly one of the best coping mechanisms out there. This book shows that.

I am burning, if I am learning anything these days, it is that
The flames you keep touching when you're young,
you keep right ahead on touching when you're older[.]

While Avery copes with his poetry, however, he still deals with the thought that everything is cyclical. His grandfather deals with alcoholism, his mother deals with alcoholism; is he next?

Everything in
nature
as cyclical as this. Everything in nature
such addiction,
like today, you know how
we sleep with the window
in the bathroom down
& the screen still up;
& you know, sometimes an insect
will get behind the screen & through
somehow[.]

Reading these thoughts of Avery's was interesting and painful at the same time. The way his feelings on alcoholism and his own terror of going down the same path as his family is described is scary. Avery's mind can be very scary, but heart-wrenching as well.

Although it was quite sad, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book; enjoyed uncovering the deeper meanings through the labyrinth of Avery's mind. With the anti-clockwise way it is written, reading this book almost is like going through a maze. It's just as harrowing, too- and gratifying.

[Juliane · Rating 2 out of 5]

Anders als erwartet. Hatte nicht mit den vielen Gedichten gerechnet.

[Jen Davis Lance · Rating 1 out of 5]

Sometimes trying to do too many things at once results in nothing being done well. This book, which chronicles the coming of age of a 17 year old boy named Avery, is a mishmash of themes that at times is hard to make heads or tails of. Written in poetry format, the story swings back and forth between Avery's alcoholic grandfather's funeral, his mother's drinking and road to recovery, his relationship with his best friend/boyfriend Luca, and his own foray into drinking. Adding to the disjointedness, we begin the story at his grandfather's funeral, then his grandfather is alive and well for a while, then he's in the hospital on life support. I believe this story would be difficult for an adolescent reader to follow; it's hard to tell from page to page who is talking about whom, who is dying, who is struggling with alcohol. It left me feeling a little bewildered and unconnected to Avery, whose story is sad but in a distant, confusing sort of way.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very uniquely formatted book -- it's almost a novel in verse, but not quite... deals with themes of loss and grief and is told non-linearly. Protagonist Avery deals with his family's predilection for alcoholism and tries to cope with the loss of a family member and his feelings for his something-more-than-a-best-friend. I enjoyed it and looked up some poems from quite a few of the poets Walton mentioned. I read the whole thing quite quickly -- this isn't the kind of book you can walk away from for long. 3.75 stars.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the kind of book that becomes a young person's favorite book that they read over and over again. Part of that is thay it will take multiple readings to really digest it all. My favorite line is, "if I am learning anything these days, it is that / The flames you keep touching when you're young, you keep right ahead on touching when you're older"

[Alex Reubert · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you love poetry, or pop music, or if someone you love has passed away, this book will mean a lot to you. I haven't read anything like it. I thought it was amazing.

[Woff · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the prose, but I bloody hate poetry. I’m sure it’s all very ‘important’, I just can’t bring myself to give a shit.

[Meliss · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is so on brand for me. And it lived up to my expectations. It was wonderfully confusing and wonderfully heartbreaking. I simply devoured it.

[Katie Kaboom · Rating 5 out of 5]

"but i am not ears right now, not hearing. I need to be left alone..."

I picked up this book at my local Used Bookstore right before vacation. I read a little on the sleeve but it gave me nothing except something about grief.
Tell me why I'm crying at 2:30am?
Tell me why the poem in the last chapter took me by my throat and said "when you are ready, let it go "
excuse me??

I don't reccomend it for everyone. But Will? thanks for writing this for me, specifically.

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was checking out at the library when the librarian showed me the cover of this book and the title caught my attention. It's a title that demands to be read. The beauty of Walton's book is that it doesn't follow the rules of standard fiction. It's doesn't have a middle, a beginning, or an end, but that's what makes it so good. It proves that if a novel is well written, it doesn't have to follow the rules. Problem is that for a lot of people this will be just a confusing mess with pop music references that most people won't get.

Avery's story though is heartbreaking, and we see him struggle to find his place in the world. This is not a happy read, but it's a powerful one. This is the kind of book I wish existed when I was younger. Not because I can identify with Avery, it's the style that it's written in. We all are looking for that one book that influences us, changes the way we look at not just the world, but books in general. Will Walton's book does that and it doesn't happen very often.

[Erin H · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a particular and nuanced weaving for such a short read. Avery Fowell begins summer with a car accident, a cast on his leg, and his mother going to rehab--even though he isn't sure she was drunk at the time of the car crash. Meanwhile he is discovering poets, a potential relationship with his best friend and the secret vices that seem to be inherent in his family. Told over the course of the summer Avery grapples with a lot, while also being visited and speaking to poets like Ginsberg, Plath, Sexton and Berryman, and leaning on music to feed or overcome his own sadness. The format itself weaves between past and present and I guess new present making what would normally be a cause and effect story to be a series of events that influence each other. (And you see the influence of the poets in the structure too. Such intentional composition.)

[k-os · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ya okay so I FELT A FUNERAL IN MY BRAIN 🧠 is, as everyone notes, loopy with form and time, making it a unique reading experience. I loved it. In fact, I wanted more, much more. It treats queerness, addiction, and grief compellingly. I wonder if my kids will hate it because it’s not easy to follow, but I’ll try to put it in the right hands.