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Men and Women Talking
Once upon a time (just a few years ago), psychologists believed that the way we chose to communicate was largely a function of personality. If certain conversational styles were more common to one sex than the other (more abstract and aggressive talk for men, for instance, more personal and equivocal talk for women), then this was just another tribute to the influence of biology on personality.
In her landmark essay, Men and Women Talking, Gloria Steinem confronts long-held misconceptions about the supposedly scientific differences in the way men and women communicate, debunking—among other things—the myth of the “talkative woman.”
Men and Women Talking was originally published in Ms., May 1981.
Cover design by Adil Dara.
In her landmark essay, Men and Women Talking, Gloria Steinem confronts long-held misconceptions about the supposedly scientific differences in the way men and women communicate, debunking—among other things—the myth of the “talkative woman.”
Men and Women Talking was originally published in Ms., May 1981.
Cover design by Adil Dara.
1 pages, Audible Audio
First published May 1, 1981
127 people are currently reading
769 people want to read
About the author
Gloria Steinem
118 books3,255 followersGloria Marie Steinem (born March 25, 1934) is an American feminist, journalist, and social and political activist who became nationally recognized as a leader of, and media spokeswoman for, the women's liberation movement in the late 1960s and 1970s. A prominent writer and key counterculture era political figure, Steinem has founded many organizations and projects and has been the recipient of many awards and honors. She was a columnist for New York magazine and co-founded Ms. magazine. In 1969, she published an article, " After Black Power, Women's Liberation", which, along with her early support of abortion rights, catapulted her to national fame as a feminist leader.
In 2005, Steinem worked alongside Jane Fonda and Robin Morgan to co-found the Women's Media Center, an organization that works to amplify the voices of women in the media through advocacy, media and leadership training, and the creation of original content. Steinem currently serves on the board of the organization. She continues to involve herself in politics and media affairs as a commentator, writer, lecturer, and organizer, campaigning for candidates and reforms and publishing books and articles.
In 2005, Steinem worked alongside Jane Fonda and Robin Morgan to co-found the Women's Media Center, an organization that works to amplify the voices of women in the media through advocacy, media and leadership training, and the creation of original content. Steinem currently serves on the board of the organization. She continues to involve herself in politics and media affairs as a commentator, writer, lecturer, and organizer, campaigning for candidates and reforms and publishing books and articles.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews
January 6, 2022
I tried to talk about this book with my husband but he either wasn’t listening or wasn’t interested!! 😂
January 3, 2023
"Furthermore, the less powerful group usually knows the powerful one much better than viseversa. Blacks have had to understand Whites in order to survive, women have had to know men, and only the powerful group can afford to regard the less powerful one as a mystery. "
April 11, 2018
"Clearly, male silence (or silence from a member of any dominant group) is not necessarily the same as listening. It might mean a rejection of the speaker, a refusal to become vulnerable through self-revelation, or a decision that this conversation is not worthwhile. Similarly, talking by the subordinate group is not necessary evidence of power. Its motives may be a Schehera-zade-like need to intrigue and thus survive, or simply to explain and justify one's actions."
I mean-- she just GETS it!
This article was such an interesting take on this topic.
I mean-- she just GETS it!
This article was such an interesting take on this topic.
November 30, 2022
‘Men would support us, we are told, if only we learned how to ask in the right way.’
Fucking phenomenal, and actually helpful in a practical sense. Such an easy listen and god damn full of moments that took my breath out of chest with a stunning realisation that I am not alone. Should be essential listening/reading.
Fucking phenomenal, and actually helpful in a practical sense. Such an easy listen and god damn full of moments that took my breath out of chest with a stunning realisation that I am not alone. Should be essential listening/reading.
March 18, 2025
Though written in 1981, most of the issues presented in the book are still present. For eg., Mansplaining.
January 19, 2022
In Search of Equality in Conversation Between Men and Women
Talking is assumed to be the important and positive act, while listening is the subject of almost no studies at all. Clearly, male silence (or silence from a member of any dominant group) is not necessarily the same as listening. It might mean a rejection of the speaker, a refusal to become vulnerable through self-revelation, or a decision that this conversation is not worthwhile. Often rejection of the way a woman speaks is a way of blaming or dismissing her without dealing with the content of what she is saying. Men would support us, women are told, if only we learned how to ask in the right way. It’s a subtle and effective way of not only blaming the victim, but making the victim blame herself.
Many assertiveness courses teach women how to play the existing game, not how to change the rules. What women need to be taught is how losing self-consciousness and fear allows us to focus on the content of what we are saying instead of on ourselves.
There has not been one study which provides evidence that women talk more than men, and there have been numerous studies which indicate that men talk more than women. At a London workshop on sexism and education, for instance, the five men present talked more than their thirty-two female colleagues combined. In addition to a generally greater volume of talk, however, men interrupt women more often than vice versa. This is true both in groups and in couples. Male interruptions of women bring less social punishment than female interruptions of men. Men also interrupt women more often than women interrupt each other.
The uncomfortable truth seems to be that the amount of talk by women has been measured less against the amount of men’s talk than against the expectation of female silence.
Talking is assumed to be the important and positive act, while listening is the subject of almost no studies at all. Clearly, male silence (or silence from a member of any dominant group) is not necessarily the same as listening. It might mean a rejection of the speaker, a refusal to become vulnerable through self-revelation, or a decision that this conversation is not worthwhile. Often rejection of the way a woman speaks is a way of blaming or dismissing her without dealing with the content of what she is saying. Men would support us, women are told, if only we learned how to ask in the right way. It’s a subtle and effective way of not only blaming the victim, but making the victim blame herself.
Many assertiveness courses teach women how to play the existing game, not how to change the rules. What women need to be taught is how losing self-consciousness and fear allows us to focus on the content of what we are saying instead of on ourselves.
There has not been one study which provides evidence that women talk more than men, and there have been numerous studies which indicate that men talk more than women. At a London workshop on sexism and education, for instance, the five men present talked more than their thirty-two female colleagues combined. In addition to a generally greater volume of talk, however, men interrupt women more often than vice versa. This is true both in groups and in couples. Male interruptions of women bring less social punishment than female interruptions of men. Men also interrupt women more often than women interrupt each other.
The uncomfortable truth seems to be that the amount of talk by women has been measured less against the amount of men’s talk than against the expectation of female silence.
May 2, 2022
This essay is still very current, it talks about men dominating group conversations, the way we communicate in different social situations. It even touches upon some research regarding the tone of voice we're using. One is definitely true, we should make more room for women to speak up at group meetings, and make sure men don't dominate conversations - whether it's in a work environment or social situations. It's still a huge problem that I often observe.
May 28, 2025
Written in 1981, there are still applicable themes in the differences in the ways women and men speak. The author suggests that women "train men" to receive and send improved communication, but as a more modern woman who considers herself a feminist, that ain't my job.
January 25, 2024
"The uncomfortable truth seems to be that the amount of talk by women has been measured less against the amount of men's talk than against the expectation of female silence."
September 17, 2024
Liked this, would like to learn more on this topic.
August 20, 2018
Men and Women Talking was originally featured in Ms Magazine in May 1981. In this article Steinem discusses women’s positions in social dynamics and how it differs drastically to men. It argues how women will be apologetic just for being and for having opinions and how it is expected that a man will show no such social subservience and is therefore often seen as more powerful.
It is shocking that 37 years later this still seems to be the case. Women are still paid less, hold fewer powerful positions in businesses or government, and how women are generally seen as the lesser sex.
Men and Women Talking is as insightful now as it as when it was originally published.
Men and Women Talking by Gloria Steinem is available now.
It is shocking that 37 years later this still seems to be the case. Women are still paid less, hold fewer powerful positions in businesses or government, and how women are generally seen as the lesser sex.
Men and Women Talking is as insightful now as it as when it was originally published.
Men and Women Talking by Gloria Steinem is available now.
October 23, 2021
Hi billy
January 2, 2023
This book is eloquently written and points out some major societal issues. I enjoyed the quick read and felt like I was validated in some of the feelings I have as a working woman.
December 15, 2023
SAY IT AGAIN, GLORIA.
When I first started teaching, I was told that in order to control a class, I'd have to speak in a more assertive tone (the underlying message that my higher pitched voice was not respectable as it was). I was given the advice - by male colleagues, might I add - that speaking 'like a man' would get me the most success, because my voice sounded like "a nagging mother".
I wish I could chalk this up to ignorance or gender roles, but 5 years later, at a completely different school, a female colleague pulled me aside and admonished me for being "too aggressive" in a meeting. I left wondering why my tone had been policed in this way, and not my male counterparts.
This is such an important read for everyone. Women get attacked for a lot of things, but this is by far the most ludicrous of them all.
I will speak how I speak and demand equal respect for it. Hallelujah, Gloria.
When I first started teaching, I was told that in order to control a class, I'd have to speak in a more assertive tone (the underlying message that my higher pitched voice was not respectable as it was). I was given the advice - by male colleagues, might I add - that speaking 'like a man' would get me the most success, because my voice sounded like "a nagging mother".
I wish I could chalk this up to ignorance or gender roles, but 5 years later, at a completely different school, a female colleague pulled me aside and admonished me for being "too aggressive" in a meeting. I left wondering why my tone had been policed in this way, and not my male counterparts.
This is such an important read for everyone. Women get attacked for a lot of things, but this is by far the most ludicrous of them all.
I will speak how I speak and demand equal respect for it. Hallelujah, Gloria.
January 11, 2025
This book though outdated in some of the culture problems like women finding it hard to be assertive being a major problem- still is but less so, atleast I’ve seen my fair share of masculine women and vice versa; however that’s to be expected since it’s almost 50 years/o.
Overall it lead me to finding out a bunch of things like how I give mini-speeches rather than do a q-a format and such which I’ve seen my sisters and friends do as well as how the culture has changed to be more reserved in terms of sex life (atleast with me, my friends and siblings but then again I’m from India).
I think it’s a good read to understand the times, with some good advice present here and there- the best advice I harvested was that masculinity and femininity as cultural constructs should only be followed in as much power they grant you- to be limited by them is to limit your perspective of the world and your growth. We need to be superior.
Overall it lead me to finding out a bunch of things like how I give mini-speeches rather than do a q-a format and such which I’ve seen my sisters and friends do as well as how the culture has changed to be more reserved in terms of sex life (atleast with me, my friends and siblings but then again I’m from India).
I think it’s a good read to understand the times, with some good advice present here and there- the best advice I harvested was that masculinity and femininity as cultural constructs should only be followed in as much power they grant you- to be limited by them is to limit your perspective of the world and your growth. We need to be superior.
January 30, 2025
Confirmed what I already knew about men/women (except I think I may be an outlier🤔)
“We have to teach as well as learn”
Originally, I liked this quote. We should both learn how to become more assertive at times as women and adopt some of the “quirks” or techniques men often take on to assert themselves in conversations. However, this quote gives the impression that as women, we must also teach men how to “actively listen,” make their speech more personalized and personable, and express emotions they’ve been taught to suppress all their lives, making them incapable of recognizing body language/indicators during conversation. I like the perspective the author puts out there, but obviously, in the end, it’s not our job as women to teach men how to do these things when we’re already exhausted enough from not being HEARD in the first place.
“We have to teach as well as learn”
Originally, I liked this quote. We should both learn how to become more assertive at times as women and adopt some of the “quirks” or techniques men often take on to assert themselves in conversations. However, this quote gives the impression that as women, we must also teach men how to “actively listen,” make their speech more personalized and personable, and express emotions they’ve been taught to suppress all their lives, making them incapable of recognizing body language/indicators during conversation. I like the perspective the author puts out there, but obviously, in the end, it’s not our job as women to teach men how to do these things when we’re already exhausted enough from not being HEARD in the first place.
September 3, 2022
another short essay, which i listened to on Audible. this reminded me of Wordslut by Amanda Montell and its section about the different ways in which men and women communicate amongst themselves and with each other. though it’s short, it packs a lot in. the text describes a number of experiments to subvert stereotypes and assumptions about women and their modes and attitudes towards communications. an enjoyable, quick and educational experience and i want to recommend this, like the other Steinem text, to feminists looking for a quick educational fix.
August 3, 2023
well intentioned, and some points were ok, still, in today's context. i think feminism needs to refocus though, if there is a gap between men and women today, and there is, men are now made aware and listening, thanks to a lot of women that said "men do not take women seriously", men are now listening, and now it's up to women to take charge with content, the world now needs well prepared women to give all the speeches, talk all the politics and do all the science that makes them men's equal.
October 14, 2025
4/5 🌟🌟🌟🌟
Short, yet insightful essay that challenges common stereotypes about how men and women communicate.
Shows through studies & research that communication differences are more or less socially constructed and gained through norms (power relations) rather than inherent in male/female nature.
According to studies, men tend to dominate conversations in many group settings: interrupt more, set the topics, and are more likely to be treated as "experts", while women, on the other hand, are more often dismissed. That’s why it’s crucial to be aware of these patterns and work toward balancing conversations. If not, we will continue to reinforce unequal power dynamics in society.
Short, yet insightful essay that challenges common stereotypes about how men and women communicate.
Shows through studies & research that communication differences are more or less socially constructed and gained through norms (power relations) rather than inherent in male/female nature.
According to studies, men tend to dominate conversations in many group settings: interrupt more, set the topics, and are more likely to be treated as "experts", while women, on the other hand, are more often dismissed. That’s why it’s crucial to be aware of these patterns and work toward balancing conversations. If not, we will continue to reinforce unequal power dynamics in society.
February 1, 2018
A fresh perspective from an experienced voice
I enjoyed the clarity of her writing and the direct way she addressed issues. Succinct and relevant read. A recommend read for both women and men who aim to be effective communicators.
I enjoyed the clarity of her writing and the direct way she addressed issues. Succinct and relevant read. A recommend read for both women and men who aim to be effective communicators.
October 2, 2018
I love Auntie Gloria! This short on men and women talking as well as voices is quite interesting... especially the part about a Japanese women changing their voices to appeal to me but speaking in their actual register when in the company of women. Fascinating!!
May 14, 2020
Me hace acordar a la temática que Rebecca Solnit aborda en ”Men explains things to me”. Otra obra de Steinem que es relevante y que puede abrir un necesario debate. Tira por tierra varias concepciones erradas.
February 27, 2022
“Clearly male silence, or silence from a member of any dominant group, is not necessarily the same as listening.
Similarly, talking by the subordinate group is not necessarily an evidence of power”
“Men interrupt women more than visa-versa”
Similarly, talking by the subordinate group is not necessarily an evidence of power”
“Men interrupt women more than visa-versa”
October 7, 2022
This one hit me right in the personal centre of my brain. I’m generally really extroverted, but I hover close enough to introverted when outnumbered by cismen (especially in a professional capacity).
Another piece from the 80s that rings entirely true over 40 years later.
Another piece from the 80s that rings entirely true over 40 years later.
December 2, 2017
Great read
Really interesting essay on the differences between now men and women speak (or don't speak) in social settings. Written in 1981 and still as true today, unfortunately.
Really interesting essay on the differences between now men and women speak (or don't speak) in social settings. Written in 1981 and still as true today, unfortunately.
March 19, 2018
The later parts of this that is about scientifically based voice changes is more interesting than the beginning sociological determinants.
April 13, 2019
seems topical even today.
November 3, 2021
Good to read this classic essay, to see how much has happened since - and what still hasn't really changed at all. The tone of this, the language, it's all fascinating.
April 3, 2022
Super up to the point, smart and empowering essay to both genders!
November 16, 2022
The whole thing about how not talking isn't the same as listening is such a man thing omg I had never heard that phenomenon articulated before
Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews