Murder by Milk Bottle

Constable Twitten #3

by Lynne Truss

***Shortlisted for the Comedy Women in Print Prize 2021***THE ACCLAIMED MURDER MYSTERY FROM SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR, PERFECT FOR FANS OF RICHARD OSMAN'Funny, clever, charming, imaginative and nostalgic' The Times'Terrific' Mail on Sunday'A giddy spell of sheer delight' Daily MailThe August bank holiday is approaching and after two extremely high-profile murder cases, Constable Twitten is eagerly anticipating a quiet spell at work. But then they find the bodies – and the milk bottles.Three seemingly unconnected victims – a hard-working AA patrolman, a would-be Beauty Queen, a catty BBC radio personality – have all been killed with the same, highly unusual murder weapon. Constable Twitten, Sergeant Brunswick and Inspector Steine are initially baffled, the town is alarmed, and the local newspaper is after all, what sells papers better than a killer on the loose? Can our redoubtable trio solve the case and catch this most curious of killers before they strike again?'The glorious return of Constable Twitten is a cause for celebration... the fun is in Truss's keen ear for dialogue, original comic characters and affectionate(ish) recreation of a seaside resort in its slightly sleazy heyday' Sunday Times Crime Club

Genres: Mystery, Fiction, Historical Fiction, Cozy Mystery, Humor, Historical Mystery, Crime

309 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 9, 2020

About the author

Lynne Truss is a writer and journalist who started out as a literary editor with a blue pencil and then got sidetracked. The author of three novels and numerous radio comedy dramas, she spent six years as the television critic of The Times of London, followed by four (rather peculiar) years as a sports columnist for the same newspaper. She won Columnist of the Year for her work for Women's Journal. Lynne Truss also hosted Cutting a Dash, a popular BBC Radio 4 series about punctuation. She now reviews books for the Sunday Times of London and is a familiar voice on BBC Radio 4. She lives in Brighton, England.

Reviews

[Ken · Rating 4 out of 5]

Which such a fun striking cover of cows grazing in front of the Royal Pavilion, it was impossible to miss this quirky period mystery on prominent display in my local library.
I love reading stories set in my home town of Brighton, it's just a shame that I've not heard of this series sooner.

The third Constable Twitten mystery does reference previous cases, but just enough to give readers a feel of the overarching series though nothing too revealing.

The idea that the three victims had been killed by milk bottles is both equally funny and deeply horrific.
I bet it would hurt being attacked by one of them!
What adds to the intriguing mystery is those three don't seem to have an obvious connection.

Set over the Bank Holiday weekend of August 1957, the novel is steeped in nostalgia for that era.
From Punch and Judy, Knickerbocker Gloy contests and BBC Radio shows being broadcast really transports the reader to a bygone seaside age.

Being a Brightonian myself it was all the small details that impressed me the most, I've heard numerous mentions of the old ice rink that features in the story.

It took me a while to warm the series character in Twitten but that might just be due to jumping in on the third book, but on the strength of this one I'm going to have to seek out the others now.

[Maine Colonial · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a free digital advance review copy from the publisher, via Netgalley.

The Constable Twitten books remind me of the British comedy crime movies of the 1950s/60s, like The Ladykillers, The Lavender Hill Mob, or the movies starring Margaret Rutherford as Miss Marple. If movies like that were still being made, I can just see these books adapted for the screen, with the lively scenes of Brighton’s beach, boardwalk and pier in the 1950s, the featured locations of ice-cream parlors and other Brighton businesses, and a small police station with its regulars of Inspector Steine, Sergeant Brunswick, Constable Twitten, and the ever-present cleaning lady Mrs. Goynes.

Despite the festive air of the August Bank Holiday weekend, Brighton has turned into a hotbed of crime, what with claims of fraud in various amateur competitions, a secretive set of villains in town for a big meeting, and three shocking murders—by milk bottle. Even brainy Constable Twitten is at a loss, so no surprise that the plodding Sergeant Brunswick and the complete dunderhead Inspector Steine haven’t a hope.

With a little help from Mrs. Goynes, and none at all from his amateur psychologizing, Twitten not only solves the convoluted crimes, he also changes his relationships at work for the better.

I enjoy the broad humor and postwar nostalgic flavor of the Twitten novels, and this one is particularly fun with its advertising gimmicks and slogans, BBC quiz shows, and manic plot. It’s also notable for giving us a deeper acquaintance with the regular characters.

Though it’s not absolutely necessary to read this series in order, if you don’t you will miss the origin of the glorious silliness of one ongoing aspect of the plot.

[Lori · Rating 1 out of 5]

I simply fail to connect with the characters and plots in the Constable Twitten series. I began reading this one a couple months ago. I decided I had too much else on my mind to continue it and would pause it until I was past some things that demanded more of my attention. Unfortunately I never felt I understood what was going on other than that someone had been murdered by a milk bottle. I think I'll stick to Truss' non-fiction in the future. I received an advance review copy through NetGalley with a hope, but not requirement of, an honest review. Mine is very tardy. Frankly, if I had not won this book and felt obligated to review it, I would have abandoned it.

[Nynke · Rating 2 out of 5]

Love the cover but I'm going to call this a holiday read

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Brighton is preparing for August Bank Holiday when the police discover three people, in separate incidents, all murdered by milk bottles--first bludgeoned, then stabbed by the shards. As far as is apparent, the three have no connection. Constable Twitten, by far the smartest man on the force, is trying to develop a theory based on Freud; Sergeant Brunswick is mourning for one of the victims--he had a date with her!; and Inspector Steine is concerned with the ice cream sundae contest he's about to judge. And the sinister, though lovable, station charwoman Mrs. Groynes is trying to put together a meeting of the crime bosses throughout England at the town's leading hotel. This is even better than the first two Constable Twitten books.

[Story · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another entertaining romp from Lynn Truss. As frothy as the foam on a cappuccino, this entertaining mystery makes a perfect holiday read.

[Les Wilson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book very disappointing.

[e_anne_b · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read! Loving this series.

[Diane Hernandez · Rating 2 out of 5]

With all the mess going on right now in the world and in the White House, it is almost comforting to be hunting for a killer in 1957 Brighton, England. For three victims have been killed in an unusual way. In fact, it is Murder by Milk Bottle.

Constable Twitten was hoping to have a quiet day. But alas, it was not to be. Three victims with nothing in common beyond their cause of death. A young beauty contest runner-up, a radio comedian, and a policeman? All killed within a three-hour period. Could the new milk bar in town be the reason that milk bottles were used as the weapon?

I’m getting increasingly bored with this series. Constable Twitten must be the most unobservant policeman, or even person, in Britain. He didn’t realize how to collect his pay for six weeks? He didn’t find out about a cafeteria in the police station for even longer? He knows who the Moriarty in Brighton is but doesn’t tell a soul? Speaking of the Moriarty, does she have to be behind all of Brighton’s crimes?

Unfortunately, I can’t recommend Murder by Milk Bottle except for its trip back to a simpler time. 2 stars.

Thanks to Bloomsbury USA and NetGalley for a copy in exchange for my honest review.

[Janelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious and quirky - just my cup of tea! (or should I say, glass of milk!)

Murder by Milk Bottle is the third in the Constable Twitten historical mystery series. Set in Brighton in 1957, the story takes place over the August long weekend. There are three murders in one night. Each victim (a beauty contest runner-up, an AA patrolman, and a visiting radio celebrity) has been hit over the head with a full milk bottle and then stabbed with the broken remains.

Told in the third person, this story takes the reader on a wild ride through the jam-packed streets of Brighton over a very eventful four days. The characters are quirky and sometimes stereotypical, yet feel very real. I love Constable Twitten! He wants the minutia of police work but finds himself investigating multiple murders. He is inquisitive and curious and methodical and desperately wants to fit it. I felt so bad for him when he realized that he actually was paid on a weekly basis and that there was a police canteen across the street! There was a great sense of time and place. The author wove both very naturally into the story. I can't wait to go back to the beginning and read the first two books in the series.

"You'll feel a lot better if you drink more milk."

Thanks to NetGalley and Bloomsbury Publishing for sending me a copy for review.

[Margaret D'Anieri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maybe would have helped to read the first 2 in the series... I didn’t get the farce until aways in, but it just didn’t hang together for me: too many plot lines, and tried too hard to set itself in 1957 - i.e. people may have said “bally” all the time, but in a book written in 2021 it just seemed a repetitive affectation.

[Mayar Mahdy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is seriously the best. I love everything about this series.

I didn't like the misogynistic comments, but I guess people weren't all that nice in the past.

[Colleen Fauchelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was fun. Not at all a serious story.

[Michele Dancer · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this entry of the series, milk is on the minds of all of our characters, in one form or fashion, as the opening of a new milk bar comes to the seaside of Brighton. Then in one night, three people are murdered with milk bottles (yes, with milk in them), and our stalwart Constable Twitten has to connect the dots, including what the murders may have to do with a young woman who fell off a cliff ten years ago. Add in a conference of criminals, a cow stampede, and a disappearing ice skater and you have one of the silliest and cleverest stories I've ever read.
Every time I finish one of these books I wonder who the audience is for them besides me and people who live in Brighton (the author is by now an expert on the history of that famed vacation spot). But there must be one as they continue to be published, and I'm very glad. I already have the fourth one waiting in the wings.

[Karin · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't often comment on my DNF books, but I felt I had to for this one. I made it 15% in and reached a point that there was nothing that was going to save this book for me. First, as a series book, it tries to provide the background from the previous books (which is good), but does so in a way that felt tongue in cheek to me as opposed to helpful for a new reader (which I am). Also, there are multiple places where the descriptions of people, particularly women, really bothered me. I get that the book is trying to be "of its time" and using the voice of various characters, but you can have a book that feels that it fits the time period and gives characterization without being, well, gross and mean.

[Carolyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Number three in the enjoyably quirky Constable Twitten crime series. Lynne Truss takes the reader out of the present day and into another dimension - 1957 Brighton, England. Well crafted plot, well written and such fun to read.

[Kam · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. One star for some witty bits.
Bought this because of the cool cover and because the author wrote Eats, Shoots and Leaves, but this book just didn’t work for me.
I didn’t care for the characters and wouldn’t have minded if the “bally” lot of them perished by milk bottle. The story was too “busy”. Felt like it was trying to bring some of the success of the non-fiction books into the murder mystery - as a consequence the story didn’t flow and was just dull and uninteresting.

[Kirsten · Rating 2 out of 5]

Should've read #1 and #2

[Milly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Light silly funny. Very British.

[Susan Kumar-Merino · Rating 4 out of 5]

Looking forward to the next one

[Stephen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Clever. Witty. Entertaining with a lovely set of characters with endearing traits.

[Renita D'Silva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fun

[Newly Wardell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my favorite of the series so far. Omg so funny Very clever mystery and a cold blooded murder in front of witnesses, so gangsta! Mrs. G is terrifying. I'm kinda bummed because there's only one more book in the series. I love these characters. Shout out to the narrator of the audiobook I think his name is Michael.

[Gina Dalfonzo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think Mrs. Groynes is becoming one of my favorite characters in modern literature. :-)

[Thea | (unapologetic_bibliosmia) · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘Milk bottles? People don’t attack lovely young women with flaming milk bottles!’

I was originally drawn in to this book by its strangely odd title and its comically mild but aesthetically pleasing cover. I read the blurb and didn’t know what to think...obviously I dived right in!

This is the third book in the Constable Twitten series by this author, but It didn’t make a difference that I hadn’t read the others as it worked well as a stand alone story. Set in 1957, the book follows the adventures of a slightly irritating, know-it-all, young constable by the name of Twitten, who having recently joined the Brighton Police team finds himself unfortunately (for him) but hilariously (for us) wrapped up in the mysterious triple murder case of a milk bottle murderer! Could this be linked to the new Milk Bar due to open on bank holiday Monday?! Or is this some grudge held against the semi-famous new Milk Girl who features on all the Drink More Milk campaign posters ...along with their new slogan “DRINKA PINTA MILKA DAY”...?

Truss manages to do something I’ve not seen before and seamlessly blend Crime Fiction and Comedy together into a kind of ‘Carry On Constable’ style whodunnit. Full of innuendo and good old fashioned mockery of our dear old Crown Servants the British Police Force this book had me laughing out loud in so many places. Twitten’s over analytical and serious thought process is one example: “ Twitten fleetingly considered what milk actually was. Setting aside the obvious and alluring Freudian associations with breast-feeding, would you call it an opaque, fatty secretion? It was bovine in origin, obviously. Mammary came into it, too. If you were to lift a jug of milk at a tea table and ask, ‘Now, who takes opaque fatty bovine mammary secretion in theirs?’ everyone would definitely say, ‘Not me’. Twitten however seems to be the bane of many of the other police constable’s lives, and frequently appears as the hit of their jokes. Whilst at training academy for example, his fellow students taught him this key nugget: “In my detective training we were taught that people are generally wrong about not knowing anything. The acronym is PAGWANKA.’ Brunswick nearly choked on his biscuit. ‘Is that right, son?’ he said. ‘Yes, sir.’ Twitten shrugged. ‘Or WANKA for short.’
Poor Twitten.

The story is undeniably quintessentially British...from the Cockney rhyming slang used by the secret part-time gangster-cum-tea lady Mrs.Groyne; to the Bobby’s on patrol with their truncheons and helmets and inability to see what’s right under their ‘ruddy noses’, and not forgetting the hilarious version of the Punch and Judy show scene that unfolds on the beach. I felt nostalgic and endeared by the whole unfolding series of catastrophes and really enjoyed the subtle but not so subtle pokes at gold old British institutions like the BBC, and the requirement to have a good old fashioned cuppa tea at times of crisis.

I really enjoyed myself reading this, and am now determined to read and catch up on Twitten’s previous misadventures! I received an ARC of this book in exchange for a fair review. Thanks go to NetGalley and Bloomsbury Publishers.

Now you’ll have to excuse me...I have a strange craving for a cup of fatty bovine secretion......

[Drebbles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brighton England has seen plenty of crime in the short time Constable Twitten has been working there and he wouldn’t a bit if things quieted down. Unfortunately, his wish is not granted as three murder victims turn up – all having been murdered by someone using a milk bottle. Twitten, Sergeant Brunswick, and Inspector Steine investigate the murders even if Steine is distracted by his role as a judge at a contest at a local milk bar. Maybe it is a good thing that none of them know about the other devious events going on in Brighton.

“Murder by Milk Bottle” is the delightful third book in Lynne Truss’s Constable Twitten mystery series – the more books I read in this series, the more it becomes one of my favorite series. (It is best to read this series in order since there are recurring themes carried from book to book.) The mysteries are a bit darker than I usually read (I am a cozy mystery fan) but also wickedly funny and so intricately plotted that I am amazed that Truss can keep track of it all. The characters are great – Inspector Steine who is clues about all the criminal activity in Brighton but still manages to win accolades; Sergeant Brunswick who has a thing for young ladies, loves going undercover to investigate cases, has a penchant for getting shot in the leg, and is one snack away from figuring everything out; beloved Cockney charlady Mrs. Groynes who is much more than someone who cleans the police station; and Constable Twitten who is brilliant at solving crimes and analyzing people but not so good at figuring out what people think of him or analyzing himself. In another author’s hands any/all of these characters would be unlikable but Truss somehow makes these characters work – I especially love the relationship between Twitten and Mrs. Groynes. The main mystery is very well done as are the smaller mysteries and other plotlines in the book – you may think you know where the story is going but Truss is very good at having things go in a totally different direction than you expected.

“Murder by Milk Bottle” is another well done mystery by Lynne Truss – my one complaint is that I now have to wait for the next one!

[Robert Henderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like all of Lynne Truss's fiction, interesting, amusing and she plays with the genre.

[Carin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started reading the Constable Twitten series because I loved Ms. Truss's grammar book and I loved old British mysteries and this felt like a lovely combo of the two. I keep reading them for the characters. The mystery itself, while well done with appropriate red herrings and twists and turns, is not my compulsion. How will the incredibly well-meaning, over-educated, and slightly naive young Constable Twitten put his foot in it this time? What evil and brilliant scheme will Mrs. Groynes pull off right under the noses of the police? How will Inspector Steine prove his utter dunderheadedness this time? What undercover shenanigans will Sergeant Brunswick get into? (Sadly, this time no undercover work for him.)

Yes, this particular book has The Milk Girl, an ice circus, and a meeting of the various heads of nefarious gangs from all around Britain, but as delightful as those all are (oh, and of course three people killed by actual milk bottle!), the characters are the real winners here. Will Twitten ever notice any of the various beautiful young women who fall in love with him? Will Brunswick ever ask out a woman he has a shot with? Will the town Brighton really never notice what an idiot Steine is? How long can Groynes keep up her criminal ways undetected? And in this book in particular, how long will Twitten not realize there's a police locker room and commissary? And how mad will he be that Brunswick never told him?

Pick up the book for the mystery, love it for the fully realized and hilarious characters.

[Anthony · Rating 3 out of 5]

In this third installment of this series, we return to the madcap, zany world of the Brighton Police in the late 1950s. Led by the totally incompetent and clueless Inspector Steine, he is assisted by his somewhat competent Sergeant Brunswick and of course, our main character, the young Constable Peregrine Twitten. Twitten is the smartest of the lot but his problem is, he knows it and likes to show it, which Inspector Steine finds so annoying.

And then there is the police station charlady, Mrs. Groynes, who has a deep, dark secret, which only Constable Twitten knows, and yet, when he has tried telling Inspector Steine and Sergeant Brunswick, they don’t believe him.

In the summer of 1957, as the summer holiday season gets under way in Brighton, there is a national push for people to drink more milk. As a way to encourage, the Milk Board has created a new marketing campaign, including the creation of Milk Lady, who tours the country and is now 8n Brighton for a promotion. But just before she arrives, three people, who are seemingly unrelated, are murdered by having milk bottles smashed over their heads and then stabbed with the broken glass. And the only one able to uncover who did it and why is our hero, Constable Peregrine Twitten, unable assisted by Steine and Brunswick.

I gave this three and a half stars because while at times laugh out loud funny, it also at times seemed a little too unbelievable. And I get it’s somewhat madcap and zany, but at times it’s a little over the top. But I still overall enjoyed it.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Murder by Milk Bottle by Lynn Truss is a Keystone Cops kind of mystery, although it is not so much the mystery as the characters. Chief Inspector Steine is kind of a buffoon but everyone keeps still about it. The last time he and his men had been eating ice cream when the gang shootout happened, killing 45 gang members. He was credited with the genius of the scheme. This time, shot the last remaining bad guy, although it had nothing to do with him knowing what was going on, Sergeant Brunswick is a good guy, really too nice to be a copper and sadly in want of a lady friend. Despite his best efforts he never can seem to find one. In fact, the latest one to stand him up had, indeed, been murdered in lieu of meeting him as she had agreed. She and two others had been killed just hours apart, that night. Each one with milk bottles. Very odd. Constable Twitten was the only one amongst them that had much of a brain, and he, if anything, was too intelligent. It got him in trouble. The last major player is the charwoman at the police station, Mrs. Groynes, was a leader of the local, and indeed, country-wide band of higher level criminals. Twitten knew this and had shared the information with his superiors but they had just rolled their eyes.

The mystery was a good one with multiple facets, all leading to the climax. Twitten kept his nose to the grindstone while the others simply went about their business. It was extremely well-plotted, depending on perfect timing. The characters are to die for m each having thoroughly fleshed out personalities and behaving as the reader would expect in all situations. In many ways it was a comedy of errors, but also well a well-executed plan, which everyone took in stride. In many ways it is outrageously funny, in other ways to close to real life. It is perfect. There is nothing more to say.

I was invited to read a free ARC of Murder by Milk Bottle by Netgalley. All opinions and interpretations contained herein are solely my own. #netgalley #murderbymilkbottle