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Life Is in the Transitions: Mastering Change in a Nonlinear Age
From the New York Times bestselling author of The Secrets of Happy Families and Council of Dads, a pioneering study of the disruptions upending contemporary life and a bold guide for how to navigate life’s growing number of transitions with more meaning, balance, and joy.
Bruce Feiler has long been writing about the stories that give our lives meaning. Recently he began to notice a new pattern: our old stories, with their predictable plot points along linear paths, no longer hold true. The idea that we’ll have one job, one relationship, one source of happiness is hopelessly outdated. Yet many people feel overwhelmed by this change. We’re concerned that our lives are not what we expected; that we’re living life out of order.
Galvanized by a personal crisis and family emergency, Feiler set out on what became an epic journey to harvest American stories and see what he could learn from them. He crisscrossed the country, collecting hundreds of life stories from a breathtaking range of Americans in all 50 states. He then sifted through and coded these stories, building a massive database of patterns and takeaways that can help all of us live better.
LIFE IS IN THE TRANSITIONS introduces the fresh, pressing vision of the nonlinear life, in which personal disruptions and lifequakes are becoming more plentiful, nontraditional life shapes are becoming the norm, and each of us has the opportunity to write our own story. Drawing on an extraordinary trove of insights, Feiler offers a powerful, new transition toolkit with original strategies for coping with the difficult, painful, or unsettling times of life.
From a master storyteller with a timely message, LIFE IS IN THE TRANSITIONS can move readers of any age to think deeply about times of change in their lives and how to transform them into periods of creativity and growth.
Bruce Feiler has long been writing about the stories that give our lives meaning. Recently he began to notice a new pattern: our old stories, with their predictable plot points along linear paths, no longer hold true. The idea that we’ll have one job, one relationship, one source of happiness is hopelessly outdated. Yet many people feel overwhelmed by this change. We’re concerned that our lives are not what we expected; that we’re living life out of order.
Galvanized by a personal crisis and family emergency, Feiler set out on what became an epic journey to harvest American stories and see what he could learn from them. He crisscrossed the country, collecting hundreds of life stories from a breathtaking range of Americans in all 50 states. He then sifted through and coded these stories, building a massive database of patterns and takeaways that can help all of us live better.
LIFE IS IN THE TRANSITIONS introduces the fresh, pressing vision of the nonlinear life, in which personal disruptions and lifequakes are becoming more plentiful, nontraditional life shapes are becoming the norm, and each of us has the opportunity to write our own story. Drawing on an extraordinary trove of insights, Feiler offers a powerful, new transition toolkit with original strategies for coping with the difficult, painful, or unsettling times of life.
From a master storyteller with a timely message, LIFE IS IN THE TRANSITIONS can move readers of any age to think deeply about times of change in their lives and how to transform them into periods of creativity and growth.
368 pages, Hardcover
First published July 14, 2020
1222 people are currently reading
8711 people want to read
About the author
Bruce Feiler
33 books403 followersBRUCE FEILER is one of America’s most popular voices on contemporary life. He is the author of six consecutive New York Times bestsellers; the presenter of two prime-time series on PBS; and the inspiration for the drama COUNCIL OF DADS on NBC. Bruce’s two TED Talks have been viewed more than two million times. Employing a firsthand approach to his work, Bruce is known for living the experiences he writes about. His work combines timeless wisdom with timely knowledge turned into practical, positive messages that allow people to live with more meaning, passion, and joy. His new book, LIFE IS IN THE TRANSITIONS: Mastering Change at Any Age, describes his journey across America, collecting hundreds of life stories, exploring how we can navigate the growing number of life transitions with greater purpose and skill.
For more than a decade, Bruce has explored the intersection of families, relationships, health, and happiness. His book THE SECRETS OF HAPPY FAMILIES collects best practices from some of the country’s most creative minds. The book was featured on World News, GMA, and TODAY and excerpted in the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, and Parade. THE COUNCIL OF DADS describes how, faced with one of life’s greatest challenges, he asked six friends to support his young daughters. The book was profiled in PEOPLE, USA Today, and Time and was the subject of a CNN documentary hosted by Dr. Sanjay Gupta.
Since 2001, Bruce has been one of the country’s preeminent thinkers about the role of spirituality in contemporary life. WALKING THE BIBLE describes his 10,000-mile journey retracing the Five Books of Moses through the desert. (“An instant classic,” Washington Post). The book spent a year and a half on the New York Times bestseller list and has been translated into fifteen languages.
ABRAHAM recounts his search for the shared ancestor of the monotheistic religions. (“Exquisitely written,” Boston Globe). WHERE GOD WAS BORN describes his trek visiting biblical sites throughout Israel, Iraq, and Iran. (“Bruce Feiler is a real-life Indiana Jones,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution). AMERICA’S PROPHET is the groundbreaking story of the influence of Moses on American history. THE FIRST LOVE STORY is a journey across four continents exploring how Adam and Eve shaped our deepest feelings about relationships. (“A miraculous thing—the literary equivalent of breathing new life into a figure of clay,” New York Times Book Review; “Feiler’s best work yet,” Publishers Weekly).
A native of Savannah, Georgia, Bruce lives in Brooklyn with wife, Linda Rottenberg, and their identical twin daughters.
For more than a decade, Bruce has explored the intersection of families, relationships, health, and happiness. His book THE SECRETS OF HAPPY FAMILIES collects best practices from some of the country’s most creative minds. The book was featured on World News, GMA, and TODAY and excerpted in the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times, and Parade. THE COUNCIL OF DADS describes how, faced with one of life’s greatest challenges, he asked six friends to support his young daughters. The book was profiled in PEOPLE, USA Today, and Time and was the subject of a CNN documentary hosted by Dr. Sanjay Gupta.
Since 2001, Bruce has been one of the country’s preeminent thinkers about the role of spirituality in contemporary life. WALKING THE BIBLE describes his 10,000-mile journey retracing the Five Books of Moses through the desert. (“An instant classic,” Washington Post). The book spent a year and a half on the New York Times bestseller list and has been translated into fifteen languages.
ABRAHAM recounts his search for the shared ancestor of the monotheistic religions. (“Exquisitely written,” Boston Globe). WHERE GOD WAS BORN describes his trek visiting biblical sites throughout Israel, Iraq, and Iran. (“Bruce Feiler is a real-life Indiana Jones,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution). AMERICA’S PROPHET is the groundbreaking story of the influence of Moses on American history. THE FIRST LOVE STORY is a journey across four continents exploring how Adam and Eve shaped our deepest feelings about relationships. (“A miraculous thing—the literary equivalent of breathing new life into a figure of clay,” New York Times Book Review; “Feiler’s best work yet,” Publishers Weekly).
A native of Savannah, Georgia, Bruce lives in Brooklyn with wife, Linda Rottenberg, and their identical twin daughters.
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February 25, 2020A fascinating and deeply researched examination of how we can navigate inevitable personal disruptions for more growth and creativity.
October 10, 2020
I have studied and written about transitions. I’ve advised transitioners professionally. I am still fascinated by transitions. So I put this book on my “to read” list.
I was impressed by the large number of people who loved the book. My guess is that people feel alone when they’re undergoing a life change. They’re eager to find others who have been in the same spot. These stories normalize a wide variety of experiences, so they’ll be reassuring to almost anyone.
It’s probably a good book for these readers. But if you’re looking for a more detached, analytical discussion, and if you’re familiar with qualitative research, you may want to look elsewhere.
The biggest problem is the sheer number and variety of stories. The author sampled over 200 people, yet he includes stories of people he most likely didn’t interview, such as J J Rowling. His sample was large, but non-random and not representative, so there’s no way to derive meaning from the statistics.
From the list of questions, the author seems to have developed a structured approach. The questions could be more open-ended. Often with qualitative research – as opposed to surveys – researchers find that questions shift as potentially interesting threads are discovered.
What would be interesting would be an analysis across the categories. For instance, did the desire to create a ritual appear more among some people than others? Were there any patterns of choosing ritual categories?
Some observations are simply baffling. Referring to Bettelheim’s discussion of fairy tales, the author suggests that the wolf draws out the hero’s best qualities. It would be helpful to get an explanation. Didn’t Red Riding Hood give away her grandma’s location to the wolf? Did she use her own skill to escape the same fate?
And I don’t know why Feiler chose to add this offensive paragraph: “As we age we feel a greater sense of alienation, loneliness, and loss of purpose, and we feel bored.” Storytelling, he suggests, represents the cure. The point doesn’t seem related to the topic of life transitions and it would be helpful to see citations or research or examples.
In any case, the qualities he associates with aging are not inevitable and not related to chronological age. They result from the way society treats older people, as useless and ill-equipped for real jobs with market wages
I recommend that readers search on google for studies on giving older people more control over their lives. Read What Makes Olga Run. Look up Willie Murphy, the 82-year-old bodybuilder who drove a burglar out of her home. Look up Betty Nash, still flying for a major airline in her eighties. Google the Langer experiment and the BBC follow-up.
Generally, more research would have helped all around. At one point Feiler suggests that transitions are neglected as an area of research and writing. In fact, at one point there was practically a cottage industry of articles on transition in the social science journals. Anthropologists studied transitions and liminal states for years; look up Victor Turner. Helen Ebaugh’s book, Becoming An Ex, uses sound sociological research methods; it also raises questions about this book’s emphasis on turning one’s back on a previous identity.
Numerous authors have also written about specific examples of transition, such as divorce, relocation, entering or leaving a religious order, relocation, changing careers, parenthood, illness, death and more.
Elsewhere we find a reference to research showing that people who mastered an identity crisis seem stronger on several psychological dimensions. Where is that research? How do you define an identity crisis? Are all identity crises also transitions and/or vice versa? Very few people have lived full lives without encountering at least one challenge to their identity.
Some stories were more like lucky breaks than transitions, such as the singer who found someone who took him to Nashville and paid for a hotel room.
We don’t see examples of failed transitions, where the person was left worse off. I can’t remember where I read about a doctor who decided to try his luck in Hollywood; after failing spectacularly, he was unable to find a job as good as the one he’d had before.
In an old book Cinderella Complex, a woman also tries her luck at working in the Hollywood movie industry. She quits her job as a teacher and moves to Hollywood, where she earns a living as a tax preparer. Soon she realizes it’s a youth-oriented industry, she just doesn’t have enough years to put in, and her savings were depleted. Maybe at some point she turned this experience into a satisfying success…but not everyone does.
Incidentally, Beverley Bass was one of the first female pilots for American, but not the first. That honor belongs to Bonnie Tiburzi who wrote a book, Takeoff! about her experience. It’s not clear why the publishers omitted basic fact-checking.
Studies focusing on one aspect of transition tend to be more successful in yielding new knowledge. Think of Becoming an Ex or the many books and articles on divorce and career transition, e.g., William krummholz.
The book has been immensely popular. Perhaps the reason (apart from the author’s name recognition) is the book’s reassuring message: there’s no way to do a transition wrong.
If you read enough stories, you’ll conclude that you’re not alone and you’re probably normal. You may be inspired to share your story and you may feel better afterward. I would have liked to see a tighter focus, with careful attention to specific transitions or specific components of transitions, more deeply researched, and more thoughtful questioning of the data.
But if your own research or life experience lead you to question the message, this isn’t the book for you.
I was impressed by the large number of people who loved the book. My guess is that people feel alone when they’re undergoing a life change. They’re eager to find others who have been in the same spot. These stories normalize a wide variety of experiences, so they’ll be reassuring to almost anyone.
It’s probably a good book for these readers. But if you’re looking for a more detached, analytical discussion, and if you’re familiar with qualitative research, you may want to look elsewhere.
The biggest problem is the sheer number and variety of stories. The author sampled over 200 people, yet he includes stories of people he most likely didn’t interview, such as J J Rowling. His sample was large, but non-random and not representative, so there’s no way to derive meaning from the statistics.
From the list of questions, the author seems to have developed a structured approach. The questions could be more open-ended. Often with qualitative research – as opposed to surveys – researchers find that questions shift as potentially interesting threads are discovered.
What would be interesting would be an analysis across the categories. For instance, did the desire to create a ritual appear more among some people than others? Were there any patterns of choosing ritual categories?
Some observations are simply baffling. Referring to Bettelheim’s discussion of fairy tales, the author suggests that the wolf draws out the hero’s best qualities. It would be helpful to get an explanation. Didn’t Red Riding Hood give away her grandma’s location to the wolf? Did she use her own skill to escape the same fate?
And I don’t know why Feiler chose to add this offensive paragraph: “As we age we feel a greater sense of alienation, loneliness, and loss of purpose, and we feel bored.” Storytelling, he suggests, represents the cure. The point doesn’t seem related to the topic of life transitions and it would be helpful to see citations or research or examples.
In any case, the qualities he associates with aging are not inevitable and not related to chronological age. They result from the way society treats older people, as useless and ill-equipped for real jobs with market wages
I recommend that readers search on google for studies on giving older people more control over their lives. Read What Makes Olga Run. Look up Willie Murphy, the 82-year-old bodybuilder who drove a burglar out of her home. Look up Betty Nash, still flying for a major airline in her eighties. Google the Langer experiment and the BBC follow-up.
Generally, more research would have helped all around. At one point Feiler suggests that transitions are neglected as an area of research and writing. In fact, at one point there was practically a cottage industry of articles on transition in the social science journals. Anthropologists studied transitions and liminal states for years; look up Victor Turner. Helen Ebaugh’s book, Becoming An Ex, uses sound sociological research methods; it also raises questions about this book’s emphasis on turning one’s back on a previous identity.
Numerous authors have also written about specific examples of transition, such as divorce, relocation, entering or leaving a religious order, relocation, changing careers, parenthood, illness, death and more.
Elsewhere we find a reference to research showing that people who mastered an identity crisis seem stronger on several psychological dimensions. Where is that research? How do you define an identity crisis? Are all identity crises also transitions and/or vice versa? Very few people have lived full lives without encountering at least one challenge to their identity.
Some stories were more like lucky breaks than transitions, such as the singer who found someone who took him to Nashville and paid for a hotel room.
We don’t see examples of failed transitions, where the person was left worse off. I can’t remember where I read about a doctor who decided to try his luck in Hollywood; after failing spectacularly, he was unable to find a job as good as the one he’d had before.
In an old book Cinderella Complex, a woman also tries her luck at working in the Hollywood movie industry. She quits her job as a teacher and moves to Hollywood, where she earns a living as a tax preparer. Soon she realizes it’s a youth-oriented industry, she just doesn’t have enough years to put in, and her savings were depleted. Maybe at some point she turned this experience into a satisfying success…but not everyone does.
Incidentally, Beverley Bass was one of the first female pilots for American, but not the first. That honor belongs to Bonnie Tiburzi who wrote a book, Takeoff! about her experience. It’s not clear why the publishers omitted basic fact-checking.
Studies focusing on one aspect of transition tend to be more successful in yielding new knowledge. Think of Becoming an Ex or the many books and articles on divorce and career transition, e.g., William krummholz.
The book has been immensely popular. Perhaps the reason (apart from the author’s name recognition) is the book’s reassuring message: there’s no way to do a transition wrong.
If you read enough stories, you’ll conclude that you’re not alone and you’re probably normal. You may be inspired to share your story and you may feel better afterward. I would have liked to see a tighter focus, with careful attention to specific transitions or specific components of transitions, more deeply researched, and more thoughtful questioning of the data.
But if your own research or life experience lead you to question the message, this isn’t the book for you.
January 13, 2021
Some key things I learned from this book…
The three key ingredients of a well-balanced life according to the author are:
1) agency — freedom, creativity, mastery
2) belonging — relationships, community that nurtures you
3) cause — calling, direction, purpose
There are three parts of our narrative identity: who we are as individuals, who we are as part of a group, and what ideal we serve. Most of us prioritize one part of our identity over the others.
The author also talks about lifequakes. These are defined as forceful bursts of change that lead to a period of upheaval, transition, and renewal. We may not have control over when these lifequakes occur (though sometimes we do), but we do have control over if and how we transition and experience renewal. Basically, we have to make our own meaning out of the Poop Salads of Life. The crazy thing is that most adults will go through at least, like, eight lifequakes—which means we experience big change about every five years.
There are three stages of transitions: the long goodbye, the messy middle, and the new beginning. The author gives seven tools for navigating them.
1) Accept it. Identify your emotions.
2) Mark it. Ritualize the change.
3) Shed it. Give up old mindsets.
4) Create it. Try new things.
5) Share it. Seek wisdom from others.
6) Launch it. Unveil your new self.
7) Tell it. Compose a fresh story.
The last point I found really insightful has to do with the “narrators” in our lives. We (and kids especially) rely on co-narrators. These are people who reflect at us the significance of our actions and help us find meaning in events that we are often too close to to see. There are five different types of narrators, and I’m sure you can think of at least one person in your life who fits into each category.
1) comforters — you can do it!
2) nudgers — maybe you should try it
3) slappers — get over yourself! (but I love you)
4) modelers — follow my lead
5 )naysayers — you’ll never succeed
All in all, this was a fascinating book that held my interest start to finish and taught me some important info along the way. Definitely worth a read.
The three key ingredients of a well-balanced life according to the author are:
1) agency — freedom, creativity, mastery
2) belonging — relationships, community that nurtures you
3) cause — calling, direction, purpose
There are three parts of our narrative identity: who we are as individuals, who we are as part of a group, and what ideal we serve. Most of us prioritize one part of our identity over the others.
The author also talks about lifequakes. These are defined as forceful bursts of change that lead to a period of upheaval, transition, and renewal. We may not have control over when these lifequakes occur (though sometimes we do), but we do have control over if and how we transition and experience renewal. Basically, we have to make our own meaning out of the Poop Salads of Life. The crazy thing is that most adults will go through at least, like, eight lifequakes—which means we experience big change about every five years.
There are three stages of transitions: the long goodbye, the messy middle, and the new beginning. The author gives seven tools for navigating them.
1) Accept it. Identify your emotions.
2) Mark it. Ritualize the change.
3) Shed it. Give up old mindsets.
4) Create it. Try new things.
5) Share it. Seek wisdom from others.
6) Launch it. Unveil your new self.
7) Tell it. Compose a fresh story.
The last point I found really insightful has to do with the “narrators” in our lives. We (and kids especially) rely on co-narrators. These are people who reflect at us the significance of our actions and help us find meaning in events that we are often too close to to see. There are five different types of narrators, and I’m sure you can think of at least one person in your life who fits into each category.
1) comforters — you can do it!
2) nudgers — maybe you should try it
3) slappers — get over yourself! (but I love you)
4) modelers — follow my lead
5 )naysayers — you’ll never succeed
All in all, this was a fascinating book that held my interest start to finish and taught me some important info along the way. Definitely worth a read.
October 7, 2021
Feiler proclaims that the linear life is dead, attacking Gail Sheehy's 1976 best-seller Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life as inadequate to explain the course of people's lives when it was published, much less today:
Instead of passing through a series of preordained life stages interrupted by periodic crises on birthdays that end in zero, we experience life as a complex swirl of celebrations, setbacks, triumphs, and rebirths across the full span of our years.
Having demolished the straw man of Sheehy's mid-life crisis theory, pretty much by fiat, Feiler establishes a new theory of transitions, nominally synthesized from 225 life story interviews of a non-random group of people he knew or were recommended to him, and presented with the graphics and language of social science research, but not the rigor. To me, there is considerable effort wasted in promoting the idea that the book is, as stated on the cover of my paperback edition, "a pioneering and timely study".
All that aside, this is probably a helpful read for most adults, who are either coping with curveballs life has thrown at them or who will be. Feiler identifies more than 50 kinds of disruptions that the typical adult might face in life and suggests most of us will experience three to five of exponential magnitude, which he calls lifequakes. Drawn from his interviews, he offers a series of tools people have used in transitioning across these events.
Another aspect of the book I found helpful is its overarching theme of storytelling as essential to the well-lived and understood life. Storytelling was part of his initial life story project methodology (he includes the interview questions) and it's the concluding tool he describes.
Instead of passing through a series of preordained life stages interrupted by periodic crises on birthdays that end in zero, we experience life as a complex swirl of celebrations, setbacks, triumphs, and rebirths across the full span of our years.
Having demolished the straw man of Sheehy's mid-life crisis theory, pretty much by fiat, Feiler establishes a new theory of transitions, nominally synthesized from 225 life story interviews of a non-random group of people he knew or were recommended to him, and presented with the graphics and language of social science research, but not the rigor. To me, there is considerable effort wasted in promoting the idea that the book is, as stated on the cover of my paperback edition, "a pioneering and timely study".
All that aside, this is probably a helpful read for most adults, who are either coping with curveballs life has thrown at them or who will be. Feiler identifies more than 50 kinds of disruptions that the typical adult might face in life and suggests most of us will experience three to five of exponential magnitude, which he calls lifequakes. Drawn from his interviews, he offers a series of tools people have used in transitioning across these events.
Another aspect of the book I found helpful is its overarching theme of storytelling as essential to the well-lived and understood life. Storytelling was part of his initial life story project methodology (he includes the interview questions) and it's the concluding tool he describes.
May 23, 2020
Anyone who reads books knows that a book is written far in advance of the actual publication date. So to say that Bruce Felier’s new book Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change in a Nonlinear Age was prescient may be the understatement of all time! Felier begins his book discussing how modern time’s increases in life longevity, job choices and travel mobility has led to the end of life’s predictability.
While we’re not all like the band REO Spedwagon’s song “Roll With the Changes”, with fingers crossed that recent events have proved otherwise, Felier pre-pandemic book traces the roots of 225 Americans who suffered (and oft times triumphed) after experiencing what he termed “life disruptors” based on the 1967 life stress inventory developed by psychiatrists Holmes and Rahe. Before Covid-19, the disruptor “Collective Event (war, storm, protest)” was just one tiny speck in a sea of his “Deck of Disruptors”/life changes that thankfully many of us don’t ever experience. Again, back to Felier’s thesis that life is unpredictable, never say never is not just a cliche.
Felier goes into detail how depending on the individual and other concurrent changes, a disruptor can amount to a “life quake”, eliciting either the voluntary or involuntary need for significant life change. Fortunately, the book’s final half explains a step-by-step guide to navigate the process needed for meaningful and graceful change. In other words, a guide to turning life’s lessons into re-birth, growth and success.
While I was sometimes overwhelmed by the details of the 225 life stories, Felier’s chronicle was reassuring that our current Covid-19 experiences will lead to learning lessons and new beginnings for all of us if cool heads and love for each other prevail.
While we’re not all like the band REO Spedwagon’s song “Roll With the Changes”, with fingers crossed that recent events have proved otherwise, Felier pre-pandemic book traces the roots of 225 Americans who suffered (and oft times triumphed) after experiencing what he termed “life disruptors” based on the 1967 life stress inventory developed by psychiatrists Holmes and Rahe. Before Covid-19, the disruptor “Collective Event (war, storm, protest)” was just one tiny speck in a sea of his “Deck of Disruptors”/life changes that thankfully many of us don’t ever experience. Again, back to Felier’s thesis that life is unpredictable, never say never is not just a cliche.
Felier goes into detail how depending on the individual and other concurrent changes, a disruptor can amount to a “life quake”, eliciting either the voluntary or involuntary need for significant life change. Fortunately, the book’s final half explains a step-by-step guide to navigate the process needed for meaningful and graceful change. In other words, a guide to turning life’s lessons into re-birth, growth and success.
While I was sometimes overwhelmed by the details of the 225 life stories, Felier’s chronicle was reassuring that our current Covid-19 experiences will lead to learning lessons and new beginnings for all of us if cool heads and love for each other prevail.
August 11, 2020
I gave this book five stars, not because it was the easiest to read (like a fiction book with a great plot), but because there are so many interesting ideas that I want to return to over time. In college, I was a Media Studies major and was able to do an independent research project on creating multimedia biographies, and this notion of the importance and ways of telling stories has stuck with me over time. It's not something I think about much, but when I do, I'm super engaged and interested. In this book, Bruce Feiler did so much more than I could ever have thought to do. He mentioned the field of narrative psychology, which I had no idea was even a field. He has so thoroughly researched this field, as well as so many other related fields, and he has done a rigorous, coded study of stories - it's just amazing. There is just so much here to unpack. I know this book wouldn't necessarily be for everybody, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Note: It's also a helpful book to read during this time of Covid closures, since it reframes transitions or times of change as opportunities for growth and creativity, as opposed to just times of difficulty and frustration. It makes me feel more optimistic.
Note: It's also a helpful book to read during this time of Covid closures, since it reframes transitions or times of change as opportunities for growth and creativity, as opposed to just times of difficulty and frustration. It makes me feel more optimistic.
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December 4, 2020I stopped reading self help books long time ago. They rarely provide genuine practical advice. The reason I picked this book though is because the author is a cancer survivor. I have a tendency to believe people who went through a life turning disaster more easily.
Going through a life transition myself, I thought he might have something useful I could learn.
Nothing is novel about this book. It is plain common sense that life is hard and that change is the one permanent truth. People are adaptive, they move on, they found new ways to live. How can anyone doubt that in the midst of a pandemic?
I have 2389 followers on Twitter. I can ask them to tell me their life stories and I would analyze them and interpret them way better that Bruce Feiler did with his 225 people but I can NOT call that robust data. Reading this book to the last page was a test of my endurance and I think I gracefully passed!
Going through a life transition myself, I thought he might have something useful I could learn.
Nothing is novel about this book. It is plain common sense that life is hard and that change is the one permanent truth. People are adaptive, they move on, they found new ways to live. How can anyone doubt that in the midst of a pandemic?
I have 2389 followers on Twitter. I can ask them to tell me their life stories and I would analyze them and interpret them way better that Bruce Feiler did with his 225 people but I can NOT call that robust data. Reading this book to the last page was a test of my endurance and I think I gracefully passed!
November 16, 2020
Transitions are the most vulnerable times of our lives. When we are going through a transition, we are shedding many of the beliefs and resources that served us in the past and taking on new routines and ideas that may or may not work out in the future. There's an inevitable learning curve whenever trying new things, and the mistakes that come with transitions can be trying and costly.
This book, by author Bruce Feiler, looks deeply into transition periods and how they can effect us. The linear life is dead, according to Feiler, and major disruptions can happen at any time. He believes that each of us experiences 3-5 major disruptions, (which he calls lifequakes) in our lifetimes, and 30-40 significant disruptions in our lives that potentially can send us off into entirely new directions.
What are the most common sources of these disruptions? These are the events that you would think- deaths of family members, serious illnesses, new jobs or careers, marriages, divorces, having children, or major natural disasters. Some disruptions are pleasant ones and some are dangerously unpleasant, and unless we approach such life changes with the right attitude, they have the potential to overwhelm us and throw us completely off course.
Feiler undertook something he called the life story project, in which he interviewed in depth some 225 people from around the United States and asked them about their high and low points, turning points, and the transitions that changed them the most. He interweaves the stories of these people throughout the book, and it makes for an interesting way to illustrate his points on transitions.
The book is very thorough, detailing some 52 different disruptors that fall into five general categories- love, work, health, identity, or beliefs. He claims that most of them can happen at any age, and can be bunched together or spread out. There is no such thing as "middle age crises" according to this author, and life stories don't usually play out in any kind of predictable script.
It's easy in times of change and transition to want to cling to the past, but this is not healthy nor possible long-term. Change is inevitable, and the key to stronger mental fitness during time of change is to adapt and grow. People have to move from resistance to acceptance (in our own way) and take agency over the transition instead of passively waiting for it to happen to us.
Transitions come in three stages according to this book- the long goodbye, the messy middle, and the new beginning. It's possible to go through all three stages at once. The long goodbye can be the most painful, and often it's helpful to get help from others during this vulnerable time. During the long goodbye we realize that something is off and not working, and look for ways to fix it. When we realize that minor fixes won't work anymore, and major changes must be made (or when the major changes force themselves upon us), then we must confront the grief and pain that comes from saying goodbye to a part of our lives.
The messy middle is just that- messy. It's why people don't want to go back to school, go back into the dating scene, re-evaluate their religious or political beliefs, or move out of their cluttered houses. Change can bring chaos, and the fear of this can keep people stuck in bad situations for years. There's too many decisions, too many things that can go wrong, and an unknown amount of risk. It's almost easier to retreat to what we already know, but this stage is essential for growth.
To deal with the uncertainties of the messy middle, Feiler has several rules that he found from his interviews that helped others.
- The Matisse Rule- Experiment with new ways of doing things when the old ways don't work. (Matisse used scissors to create great works of art when he was confined for years to a wheelchair and couldn't paint)
- The Baldwin Rule- Write about your experiences, gain control of the narrative, and journal yourself into a new life like James Baldwin did.
- The Tharp Rule- Use your old stuff and your past as a springboard to new inspirations.
- The Feldenkrais Rule- Move your body to stimulate new pathways in your brain like the famous Feldenkrais method did for thousands of people.
If you persist, you get to experience the final stage- the new beginning, which is the most powerful and hopeful of the three stages of transitions. Feiler recommends sharing your stories with others, and noticing the "first normal moments" of the new life you are in. You know you've made the transition once you feel like you have some normalcy back in your life (however transient), and are able to return to a state of flow.
This book is very big on stories and storytelling. It encourages us to think about our transitions as journeys where we are in charge and not victims. It prods us to look at the big changes in our lives and look for the learning experiences and constructive things that came out of it. As long as we're still learning, our lives are in forward, positive motion, which is how we find meaning.
Stories are what give our lives meaning. The author asked his subjects to tell him what "shape" their lives were. This curious question brought out three different ways that people assigned meaning to their lives.
First- there is agency, in which the shapes all had a direction like an arrow or a mountain. These people saw themselves as the heroes of their story and prided themselves in taking actions that made things happen.
Second, there is belonging, in which the shapes looked more like circles and spirals. These people found meaning in the relationships that they maintained and the love that they found. Parenthood and romantic relationships played a huge part in the meaning that these people took from life.
And third, there is cause, where shapes with meaning like stars predominated. People who chose cause as their prime source of meaning had an ambitious goal that they wanted to reach for the benefit of many.
Feiler uses his interviews to show how different types of meaning were created by the people in his study, and he also relates that our search for meaning can change during a lifetime. People switch back and forth between agency, belonging, and cause, especially if their lives become out of balance. Being devoted to a cause is great unless it means your personal life suffers, and getting along with people is only good if you're able to have a sense of agency and control of your own life. We are always looking at and balancing these three sources of meaning, especially after times of re-adjustment and change that come from transitions.
The book closes with five truths about transitions that I thought were a good summary and helpful takeaway-
1- Transitions are becoming more plentiful as our world becomes less predictable.
2- Life is more and more a non-linear experience, and to expect certain things to happen in predictable sequences is not realistic.
3- Transitions can take longer than you think they will. (Sometimes as long as 5 years!) As you get into them, more and more things become clear that also need to change.
4- Transitions are autobiographical occasions. Don't be afraid to write about them.
5- Transitions are essential to life. (Otherwise we'd all be stuck in elementary school forever)
If you want to learn more about the Life Story Project, go to the author's website- Brucefeiler.com, where you can fill out an interview just like the author gave to others, or you can start your own project with family members to gather their life stories. During the interviews they ask you to describe a high point, a low point, and a turning point in your life. Just taking a look at those three questions will give you a unique perspective on your life so far and some new ideas for how to do better with the next transitions.
This book, by author Bruce Feiler, looks deeply into transition periods and how they can effect us. The linear life is dead, according to Feiler, and major disruptions can happen at any time. He believes that each of us experiences 3-5 major disruptions, (which he calls lifequakes) in our lifetimes, and 30-40 significant disruptions in our lives that potentially can send us off into entirely new directions.
What are the most common sources of these disruptions? These are the events that you would think- deaths of family members, serious illnesses, new jobs or careers, marriages, divorces, having children, or major natural disasters. Some disruptions are pleasant ones and some are dangerously unpleasant, and unless we approach such life changes with the right attitude, they have the potential to overwhelm us and throw us completely off course.
Feiler undertook something he called the life story project, in which he interviewed in depth some 225 people from around the United States and asked them about their high and low points, turning points, and the transitions that changed them the most. He interweaves the stories of these people throughout the book, and it makes for an interesting way to illustrate his points on transitions.
The book is very thorough, detailing some 52 different disruptors that fall into five general categories- love, work, health, identity, or beliefs. He claims that most of them can happen at any age, and can be bunched together or spread out. There is no such thing as "middle age crises" according to this author, and life stories don't usually play out in any kind of predictable script.
It's easy in times of change and transition to want to cling to the past, but this is not healthy nor possible long-term. Change is inevitable, and the key to stronger mental fitness during time of change is to adapt and grow. People have to move from resistance to acceptance (in our own way) and take agency over the transition instead of passively waiting for it to happen to us.
Transitions come in three stages according to this book- the long goodbye, the messy middle, and the new beginning. It's possible to go through all three stages at once. The long goodbye can be the most painful, and often it's helpful to get help from others during this vulnerable time. During the long goodbye we realize that something is off and not working, and look for ways to fix it. When we realize that minor fixes won't work anymore, and major changes must be made (or when the major changes force themselves upon us), then we must confront the grief and pain that comes from saying goodbye to a part of our lives.
The messy middle is just that- messy. It's why people don't want to go back to school, go back into the dating scene, re-evaluate their religious or political beliefs, or move out of their cluttered houses. Change can bring chaos, and the fear of this can keep people stuck in bad situations for years. There's too many decisions, too many things that can go wrong, and an unknown amount of risk. It's almost easier to retreat to what we already know, but this stage is essential for growth.
To deal with the uncertainties of the messy middle, Feiler has several rules that he found from his interviews that helped others.
- The Matisse Rule- Experiment with new ways of doing things when the old ways don't work. (Matisse used scissors to create great works of art when he was confined for years to a wheelchair and couldn't paint)
- The Baldwin Rule- Write about your experiences, gain control of the narrative, and journal yourself into a new life like James Baldwin did.
- The Tharp Rule- Use your old stuff and your past as a springboard to new inspirations.
- The Feldenkrais Rule- Move your body to stimulate new pathways in your brain like the famous Feldenkrais method did for thousands of people.
If you persist, you get to experience the final stage- the new beginning, which is the most powerful and hopeful of the three stages of transitions. Feiler recommends sharing your stories with others, and noticing the "first normal moments" of the new life you are in. You know you've made the transition once you feel like you have some normalcy back in your life (however transient), and are able to return to a state of flow.
This book is very big on stories and storytelling. It encourages us to think about our transitions as journeys where we are in charge and not victims. It prods us to look at the big changes in our lives and look for the learning experiences and constructive things that came out of it. As long as we're still learning, our lives are in forward, positive motion, which is how we find meaning.
Stories are what give our lives meaning. The author asked his subjects to tell him what "shape" their lives were. This curious question brought out three different ways that people assigned meaning to their lives.
First- there is agency, in which the shapes all had a direction like an arrow or a mountain. These people saw themselves as the heroes of their story and prided themselves in taking actions that made things happen.
Second, there is belonging, in which the shapes looked more like circles and spirals. These people found meaning in the relationships that they maintained and the love that they found. Parenthood and romantic relationships played a huge part in the meaning that these people took from life.
And third, there is cause, where shapes with meaning like stars predominated. People who chose cause as their prime source of meaning had an ambitious goal that they wanted to reach for the benefit of many.
Feiler uses his interviews to show how different types of meaning were created by the people in his study, and he also relates that our search for meaning can change during a lifetime. People switch back and forth between agency, belonging, and cause, especially if their lives become out of balance. Being devoted to a cause is great unless it means your personal life suffers, and getting along with people is only good if you're able to have a sense of agency and control of your own life. We are always looking at and balancing these three sources of meaning, especially after times of re-adjustment and change that come from transitions.
The book closes with five truths about transitions that I thought were a good summary and helpful takeaway-
1- Transitions are becoming more plentiful as our world becomes less predictable.
2- Life is more and more a non-linear experience, and to expect certain things to happen in predictable sequences is not realistic.
3- Transitions can take longer than you think they will. (Sometimes as long as 5 years!) As you get into them, more and more things become clear that also need to change.
4- Transitions are autobiographical occasions. Don't be afraid to write about them.
5- Transitions are essential to life. (Otherwise we'd all be stuck in elementary school forever)
If you want to learn more about the Life Story Project, go to the author's website- Brucefeiler.com, where you can fill out an interview just like the author gave to others, or you can start your own project with family members to gather their life stories. During the interviews they ask you to describe a high point, a low point, and a turning point in your life. Just taking a look at those three questions will give you a unique perspective on your life so far and some new ideas for how to do better with the next transitions.
February 4, 2021
Some key things I learned from this book…
The three key ingredients of a well-balanced life according to the author are:
Agency — freedom, creativity, mastery
Belonging — relationships, community that nurtures you
Cause — calling, direction, purpose
There are three parts of our narrative identity: who we are as individuals, who we are as part of a group, and what ideal we serve. Most of us prioritize one part of our identity over the others.
The author also talks about lifequakes. These are defined as forceful bursts of change that lead to a period of upheaval, transition, and renewal. We may not have control over when these lifequakes occur (though sometimes we do), but we do have control over if and how we transition and experience renewal. Basically, we have to make our own meaning out of the Poop Salads of Life. The crazy thing is that most adults will go through at least, like, eight lifequakes—which means we experience big change about every five years.
There are three stages of transitions: the long goodbye, the messy middle, and the new beginning. The author gives seven tools for navigating them.
Accept it. Identify your emotions.
Mark it. Ritualize the change.
Shed it. Give up old mindsets.
Create it. Try new things.
Share it. Seek wisdom from others.
Launch it. Unveil your new self.
Tell it. Compose a fresh story.
The last point I found really insightful has to do with the “narrators” in our lives. We (and kids especially) rely on co-narrators. These are people who reflect at us the significance of our actions and help us find meaning in events that we are often too close to to see. There are five different types of narrators, and I’m sure you can think of at least one person in your life who fits into each category.
Comforters — you can do it!
Nudgers — maybe you should try it
Slappers — get over yourself! (but I love you)
Modelers — follow my lead
Naysayers — you’ll never succeed
All in all, this was a fascinating book that held my interest start to finish and taught me some important info along the way. Definitely worth a read.
The three key ingredients of a well-balanced life according to the author are:
Agency — freedom, creativity, mastery
Belonging — relationships, community that nurtures you
Cause — calling, direction, purpose
There are three parts of our narrative identity: who we are as individuals, who we are as part of a group, and what ideal we serve. Most of us prioritize one part of our identity over the others.
The author also talks about lifequakes. These are defined as forceful bursts of change that lead to a period of upheaval, transition, and renewal. We may not have control over when these lifequakes occur (though sometimes we do), but we do have control over if and how we transition and experience renewal. Basically, we have to make our own meaning out of the Poop Salads of Life. The crazy thing is that most adults will go through at least, like, eight lifequakes—which means we experience big change about every five years.
There are three stages of transitions: the long goodbye, the messy middle, and the new beginning. The author gives seven tools for navigating them.
Accept it. Identify your emotions.
Mark it. Ritualize the change.
Shed it. Give up old mindsets.
Create it. Try new things.
Share it. Seek wisdom from others.
Launch it. Unveil your new self.
Tell it. Compose a fresh story.
The last point I found really insightful has to do with the “narrators” in our lives. We (and kids especially) rely on co-narrators. These are people who reflect at us the significance of our actions and help us find meaning in events that we are often too close to to see. There are five different types of narrators, and I’m sure you can think of at least one person in your life who fits into each category.
Comforters — you can do it!
Nudgers — maybe you should try it
Slappers — get over yourself! (but I love you)
Modelers — follow my lead
Naysayers — you’ll never succeed
All in all, this was a fascinating book that held my interest start to finish and taught me some important info along the way. Definitely worth a read.
February 12, 2021
I probably shouldn't have read this book. I am an avid reader, a social worker and I generally don't like self-help books. To me, Life in the Transitions, just reinvented the wheel. There were no new theories; it wasn't based on solid quantitative data, and it didn't do anything to motivate me to change my life.
On the flip side, Life in the Transitions, may be a good book for someone who doesn't have the professional background that I have. There are some interesting stories, and the reader may get some ideas on how to transition thru life's rough spots, but I doubt that it will have a long term effect on changing their lives.
I have other issues with the book, but I don't want to be a spoiler. If you decide to read it, I hope I am wrong about its longterm impact on you.
On the flip side, Life in the Transitions, may be a good book for someone who doesn't have the professional background that I have. There are some interesting stories, and the reader may get some ideas on how to transition thru life's rough spots, but I doubt that it will have a long term effect on changing their lives.
I have other issues with the book, but I don't want to be a spoiler. If you decide to read it, I hope I am wrong about its longterm impact on you.
January 23, 2021
Can’t read it. Has he not read Gail Sheehy’s Passages, which is an easier read but written almost 50 years ago? So trite and unscientific when there is so much fascinating literature on life transitions and especially on how it affects people differently depending on many factors. I wish the author had included a more thorough and rigorous literature review. Too much is Feiler’s opinion. Feiler is a journalist who obviously doesn’t know this topic. He refers to George Bonanno who I know. Read Bonanno. Of course there are life transitions. Linearity yes ended with Gail Sheehy’s passages 50 years ago. Read this instead. It’s as applicable today as this comic book full of trite chapters like “Accept It” or “Shed It” or “Share it.” Sorry Bruce Feiler and to anyone who benefitted from reading this book. I was indeed looking forward to it. Sigh. I don’t intend to be condescending but I looked at his sources, which are outdated including those for which there is consensus lack credibility. Sorry.
November 30, 2020
Since I really loved "The Secrets of Happy Families" by Feiler, I was excited to jump into this one! Unfortunately, this was hard to get through. Was way too long. Some good, thoughtful points about life changes that I'll likely be able to include in my world view, but it seemed like a lot of effort for a few nuggets of gold.
July 14, 2022
I had heard about this book from a friend a few months ago, but I had already read several books that were helpful to me before I transitioned to making a major career change so I thought I had that covered. But when I stumbled upon this Audible book on Amazon right before the holidays, I knew it was time to take a closer look and I am so glad I did! What made this book unique is the emphasis on storytelling, how understanding our personal life story can give our life meaning and help navigate the chaos of change.
Bruce Feiler conducted his own research by interviewing 225 people. Research is key but the many real-life examples he gives was much more beneficial to really understand how people manage change. The many inspirational stories helped me to realize anything is possible. He also identifies three parts of our narrative identity: who we are as individuals, who we are as part of a group, and what ideal we serve. Most of us prioritize one part of our identity over the others but a well-balanced life should include all three.
I could relate to the three main stages of major transitions, what Feiler calls "lifequakes". He details these three stages: the long goodbye, the messy middle, and the new beginning. The good news is he gives seven tools for navigating them which is very helpful. I've already listened to this book twice and I will revisit again and again, whenever I need a dose of encouragement.
Bruce Feiler conducted his own research by interviewing 225 people. Research is key but the many real-life examples he gives was much more beneficial to really understand how people manage change. The many inspirational stories helped me to realize anything is possible. He also identifies three parts of our narrative identity: who we are as individuals, who we are as part of a group, and what ideal we serve. Most of us prioritize one part of our identity over the others but a well-balanced life should include all three.
I could relate to the three main stages of major transitions, what Feiler calls "lifequakes". He details these three stages: the long goodbye, the messy middle, and the new beginning. The good news is he gives seven tools for navigating them which is very helpful. I've already listened to this book twice and I will revisit again and again, whenever I need a dose of encouragement.
September 28, 2020
"The proper response to a setback is a story" is just the inspiration I needed at my own transition point.
September 24, 2022
Amé este libro. La lectura es muy rápida, eso de ir metiendo historias a la vez que el chico explica teoría hace todo mucho más ligero. Las historias me hicieron estar al borde del llanto, como también me hicieron decir "que carajos estoy leyendo".
Es una muy buena forma de abrir la mente y darse cuenta de lo grande que es el mundo, de la cantidad de historias que hay y de que no estamos solos si es que vivimos una lucha diaria.
El libro me llenó de datos interesantes y de libros que quiero leer tras su mención.
Muy recomendado si se quiere empezar a leer ensayos y no estás acostumbrado a leer este tipo de libros.
Es una muy buena forma de abrir la mente y darse cuenta de lo grande que es el mundo, de la cantidad de historias que hay y de que no estamos solos si es que vivimos una lucha diaria.
El libro me llenó de datos interesantes y de libros que quiero leer tras su mención.
Muy recomendado si se quiere empezar a leer ensayos y no estás acostumbrado a leer este tipo de libros.
April 18, 2021
A thoughtful exploration of life transitions, intentional or dictated by unexpected crises. With a review of the literature paired with hundreds of interviews of a cross-section of people, he challenged Gail Sheehy’s model of progressive stages in life and offered an alternative view.
February 7, 2021
I’m fascinated by life stages, transition and change literature, and life stories, so it was a pleasure to find a new book that dealt with all of these. And when this book explained the origins of the myth of the midlife crisis, I immediately put down the copy I’d borrowed from the library and ordered a hardcover of my own.
I’m still glad I did that, but the book lost some of its juiciness for me as it went on. I would have liked more discussion of the themes, backed up by research, and fewer examples of people’s stories.
I’m still glad I did that, but the book lost some of its juiciness for me as it went on. I would have liked more discussion of the themes, backed up by research, and fewer examples of people’s stories.
August 5, 2020
I'd give it 10 if I could. I read this book on Kindle, but I am planning to buy the paper copy as well. It is one of those books which you want to read many times during your life time, and add your markings on it's papers each and everytime. It helps to see where you are and where you are going to be.
I guess this book found me at a strange period in my life. I've been in an extended transition since 2011. Peak was in 2014, and now a new wave.. Bruce kinda helped me understand - and appreciate - what my past self did to help me. I was only blaming her for the wrong decisions she took, but right now I am grateful to her. She's been trying to be a better person all along the way, without knowing, her compass was in the right direction to heal.
I recommend this book to anyone who needs to understand more about life transitions, and who is in a dire need to take decisions, which were postponed for too long.
I guess this book found me at a strange period in my life. I've been in an extended transition since 2011. Peak was in 2014, and now a new wave.. Bruce kinda helped me understand - and appreciate - what my past self did to help me. I was only blaming her for the wrong decisions she took, but right now I am grateful to her. She's been trying to be a better person all along the way, without knowing, her compass was in the right direction to heal.
I recommend this book to anyone who needs to understand more about life transitions, and who is in a dire need to take decisions, which were postponed for too long.
September 22, 2020
I find the basic approach to collect so many personal life anecdotes to create a large dataset and then draw general conclusions from it valid and interesting.
However, I did not find those conclusions very helpful. That life transitions will be more common and strong is not really new. Apart from the ABC of meaning I found the categorization of life changes arbitrary and useless.
Moreover, listening to one sad personal account after another is really depressing for me. But I am sure this is a personal problem and your mileage may vary greatly.
However, I did not find those conclusions very helpful. That life transitions will be more common and strong is not really new. Apart from the ABC of meaning I found the categorization of life changes arbitrary and useless.
Moreover, listening to one sad personal account after another is really depressing for me. But I am sure this is a personal problem and your mileage may vary greatly.
January 11, 2021
life is non-linear!! bad things, scary things, stressful things will happen - embrace change and use it to continue building your life!!! loved this book, definitely came out with some new perspectives
April 14, 2024
This shall be one of my most recommended books for the foreseeable future.
I loved everything about this—diving into people’s life stories, research, and finding meaning and purpose in the struggle.
I loved everything about this—diving into people’s life stories, research, and finding meaning and purpose in the struggle.
August 30, 2020
This is one of the most important books I have read in a long time. It allows us to realize that life does not follow a linear path or plan. We spend most of our time dealing with things that disrupt our lives and Bruce has given us ways to help navigate these transitional times to our fullest capacities. Do yourself a favor and read this book!
July 7, 2025
Someone get this man a copy of the Dao De Jing or a Buddhist tenet or two. So much of this book could be summarized by a few sentences. It skims the surface of depth and pretends to be radical in what it “uncovers” through 200 shakily presented interviews and subsequent takeaways. I wish he had leaned on the interviews and let them speak for themselves instead of imposing his own cobbled-together thesis and interpretation and removing any lessons the reader could take from a wealth of experience that was reduced and condensed into a dubious argument on life.
To sum up his project: “Life is hard. It is not linear. You go through hard times and some are harder than others, you have to adapt”. Perhaps a gateway self-help book but I was not impressed.
To sum up his project: “Life is hard. It is not linear. You go through hard times and some are harder than others, you have to adapt”. Perhaps a gateway self-help book but I was not impressed.
April 24, 2024
We need to get back around the campfire. Such a powerful book filled with others truths and the science and research behind transitions and change - helped me while experiencing a painful transition in my personal life currently. Also a part of a book club so this book about sharing your story will also be good to discuss while sharing stories.
July 7, 2023
Dicen que los libros te encuentran. Pienso que eso tiene algo de razón con este libro. Durante un viaje, terminé de leer mi libro que me llevé y necesitaba uno para el resto del viaje. Entré una librería sin expectativas, no encontraba ninguno que me llamara la atención. Entonces vi un mezanine. Subí las escaleras y ahí estaba este libro, esperándome. Era el primer libro en una puesta de libros acomodados de frente, mostrando sus portadas. Lo agarré y dije bueno, te llevaré, porque de alguna manera siento una conexión, pero tu título (en la versión en español) no me es muy atractivo. Reconozco que inicié el libro con juicios, pensando que lo encontraría muy predecible.
Sin embargo, actualmente estoy pasando por un duelo por perder a mi madre hace 5 meses y este libro me ayudó a poner mis pensamientos y emociones en perspectiva. El libro es resultado de 250 entrevistas que el autor realizó, entonces hay muchas historias dentro del libro, así como reflexiones al respecto. Me tome dos meses en leerlo, sus capítulos me han acompañado durante esos dos meses en este proceso de transición. Me motivo a comprarme una libreta y a escribir mi sentir, pero más que una motivación en sus páginas encontré la lógica del porque escribir sobre mi sentir de una manera constante. Así mismo encontré otras observaciones que resonaron mucho conmigo.
Recomiendo este libro si estas pasando por un duelo o transición fuerte ya que haya un espacio de tiempo entre el shock inicial y el momento en el que estas ahorita, en el cual aún te debates en como seguir, que hacer o como replantear la nueva situación que ahora vives y experimentas. Si llegaste a este libro en un terremoto emocional, si este libro también te encontró porque alguien te lo recomendó o algo, quiero decirte mucho que siento mucho por lo que estes pasando. Tu dolor es válido.
Sin embargo, actualmente estoy pasando por un duelo por perder a mi madre hace 5 meses y este libro me ayudó a poner mis pensamientos y emociones en perspectiva. El libro es resultado de 250 entrevistas que el autor realizó, entonces hay muchas historias dentro del libro, así como reflexiones al respecto. Me tome dos meses en leerlo, sus capítulos me han acompañado durante esos dos meses en este proceso de transición. Me motivo a comprarme una libreta y a escribir mi sentir, pero más que una motivación en sus páginas encontré la lógica del porque escribir sobre mi sentir de una manera constante. Así mismo encontré otras observaciones que resonaron mucho conmigo.
Recomiendo este libro si estas pasando por un duelo o transición fuerte ya que haya un espacio de tiempo entre el shock inicial y el momento en el que estas ahorita, en el cual aún te debates en como seguir, que hacer o como replantear la nueva situación que ahora vives y experimentas. Si llegaste a este libro en un terremoto emocional, si este libro también te encontró porque alguien te lo recomendó o algo, quiero decirte mucho que siento mucho por lo que estes pasando. Tu dolor es válido.
September 3, 2020
I have never related to a book as much as this one. Going on what feels like my 100th lifequake (moving, job loss etc). It’s incredible to have words to describe the mess your life goes through when you experience one. It was also incredibly soothing to see that there are phases you go through and every one goes through them in their own way. It feels free to realize you can live your life in a non linear way. Why couldn’t I see that before? As the author explains the phases and how some flourish in one and others in other ones what really made this book was all the stories. Reading others experiences going through their own lifequakes and how they came out on the other side was uplifting.
August 5, 2020
Bruce Feiler is a consummate storyteller, who teaches us that meaning is found in our stories and how they connect us to each other. He introduces several new concepts of how we manage our life transitions, which he calls “lifequakes”, and dispels previous theories that the average person lives in a linearly fashion (remember Gail Sheehy’s Passages?) He describes transitions as having a long goodbye to the old way of life and “messy middles” (while we are moving through changes). Lots of anecdotal evidence, from 225 interviews, shape his theories and provide interesting approaches to understanding our individual journeys. I enjoyed this book and appreciate the time and effort he spent in putting a shape to our stories.
February 27, 2021
I decided not to finish the book.
The book started beautifully and the premise introduced at the introduction is very strong and well needed in our times.
But this book could have been a TED talk or easily half of its size shorter.
The stories were endless to the point where I can forget and question what are we talking about and what's the point of all these stories?
I reached until around page 220 and I really wanted to finish the book but I started to feel I am wasting my time reading others stories that I cannot benefit me. Because there is a difference between reading a personal transition story once and reading so many that you start to be bored.
The book started beautifully and the premise introduced at the introduction is very strong and well needed in our times.
But this book could have been a TED talk or easily half of its size shorter.
The stories were endless to the point where I can forget and question what are we talking about and what's the point of all these stories?
I reached until around page 220 and I really wanted to finish the book but I started to feel I am wasting my time reading others stories that I cannot benefit me. Because there is a difference between reading a personal transition story once and reading so many that you start to be bored.
March 17, 2021
An interesting read if you are intrigued by the topic.
If you are looking to mark your own transition or life change, this book has ideas.
However, if you feel you want to make a change but are not quite sure what that change specifically should be, unfortunately this book comes up short on that front.
It lacks guidance or insight into how the people interviewed determined 'what' change to make; rather the book joins them when they are further down the road, having already identified the adjustment they wish to make.
So, an interesting read, but is less useful as a guide or manual for those looking to take the all important initial step into making a life transition.
If you are looking to mark your own transition or life change, this book has ideas.
However, if you feel you want to make a change but are not quite sure what that change specifically should be, unfortunately this book comes up short on that front.
It lacks guidance or insight into how the people interviewed determined 'what' change to make; rather the book joins them when they are further down the road, having already identified the adjustment they wish to make.
So, an interesting read, but is less useful as a guide or manual for those looking to take the all important initial step into making a life transition.
August 1, 2025
I sort of feel like this book didn’t offer me personally a new perspective on change and transitions, but it did give me frameworks and vocabulary to use and return to when I may need it
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