Jewish holiday season be like, I haven't updated the books I've read and now my Goodreads is an actual mess.
Anyways, I read this book instead of awkwardly communicating with a friend's family members. Review to come!
For now:
Top 20 things I’m Taking With Me From My Degree (Cause whoaa, i’m done and slowly coming to terms with it!)
1. Failing Game Theory, Microeconomics and Price Theory I was incredibly painful but I think I’m a better person for it. I learned more through failing than I ever did in any field that was intuitive. I’ll never judge anyone from not succeeding academically or otherwise. Sometimes, you do your best and it’s not enough. I am grateful to have experienced what it means when something doesn’t come easily, doesn’t come at all, no matter what you do.
2. I know the best libraries on campus. And the best cafes in the area. And the best rooftops.
3. I spent two years learning the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Cafes in East Jerusalem, political arguments in Nazareth, violence in Damascus Gate, Shabbats full of arguments about Zionism, trying to explain this region to Americans, Germans and the Dutch, Knesset conferences, asking friends who served in combat roles unapologetic questions, the fear of dying in a car accident in the West Bank, meeting people who challenged every single thought I have but still never made me feel hated or stupid for having them. I read more than is healthy. I don’t know if this romance is over and if this will eventually become a career but I do know that I didn’t expect this to happen and I’m so glad that it did. The opportunity to learn so much and through so many different people. I have so much more to learn.
4. When you go through a mental breakdown in the end of second year and call your mom crying about finance, it will feel like the end of the world. It’s not.
5. The grades I’m proudest of? 100 in the class about conflicts, pouring my soul into an academic paper, hours in the library. The 94 in the class about Binationalism, using terminology I hate (ugh, settler colonialism) and still finding myself fully. 100 and 95 in my two dissertations, both written with so much anxiety. 108 in a Logics exam, second try. 99 in a class about international economics, delaying my entire exam season for it, unable to let go of my perfectionism. 96 in Historical Politics, a phenomenal class that taught me so so much. Fuck yes.
6. You can fly abroad during your semester and nothing bad happens. You can even do it twice. No regrets. Thanks, the Hague and Berlin.
7. When a professor calls you in for a meeting directly after grading papers, your anxiety will always convince you that it’s because they think you plagiarized. It’s not. They want to ask you about a PhD. When you admit you’re doing an MBA, they will frown and you will list excuses. When it happens 3 times, it's okay to admit to yourself that your imposter syndrome is a goddamn liar.
8. “Politics is the dual game of competition and cooperation” = gamechanger moment. Politics is about working together and winning, about creating and destroying, about unity and individual identity. I didn’t know I’d love Politics so much but somehow, in those first year massive lecture halls, I fell in love. In between discussing Singapore’s government model, telling stories about activism and chatting about our childhoods, I realized this is my field.
9. When you’re a young economics student, you pay attention to the model’s conclusions. When you get more experience, you follow the premises of the model cause that’s where economists hide their BS. Never trust economists, never believe them, never let economists feel confident in their work.
10. Getting covid was a genuine delight, I am so glad I got to plan it in my schedule and experience it as I wanted. I look so fondly on those memories, getting a week long vacation exactly when I needed it.
11. After traveling for a year, I thought my world was wide but university made it even wider. Long conversations about Ethiopian culture (”you do henna?? isn’t that a Mizrahi thing????”), meeting with Haredim and getting answers for all the questions, working on Turkish-Israeli relations (who have improved massively, no need to thank us), chatting with Druze people about the Torah, learning about Belarus and Kenya and Peru from my lovely flatmates and so much more.
12. Walking through the hallways, devoid of people, feeling like I am the only person on earth in the most post-apocalyptic way. 2021 was different.
13. Building friendships with university guards is the best way to make the campus feel like home. Those private jokes (”your coffee needs a cap”, “the cats will attack from the tree”) made my mornings.
14. My computer survived. Sorry, naysayers, it is thriving. Gotta have faith in broken technology. Totally ready to face the MBA now.
15. I snuck into a course about African Politics and had a total blast.
16. It is possible to finish a third of an economics degree without knowing how to use integrals. And fractions. When you make basic math mistakes in exams, no one corrects you cause they assume you know better, that it's stress not ignorance.
17. I listened to Folklore and Evermore more times that I care to publicly admit. The soundtrack of my studying since the day it came out. And Non-Stop will always remind me of my philosophy dissertation. And I can’t listen to Gang of Youths without remembering my politics dissertation. Candles, blankets, soft acoustic music and so much course reading.
18. I never felt like a PPE student, constantly felt lacking next to my classmates. And once covid ended, I learned that actually, it was all in my head. All of my classmates were struggling. No one really feels fully like a PPE student.
19. Writing summaries of the course readings for several classes is such a flex of mine. No need to thank me, future generations. Why yes, I did pick the hardest texts and explain them in basic language.
20. Endless Zoom study sessions. So many. In coffeeshops and every corner of campus. Outside. In bed. I fell asleep listening to John Broome’s visiting Zoom lecture, best nap I’ve ever had. Sorry.