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Awards for Good Boys: From the viral Instagram account
**THE GOODEST GIFT THIS CHRISTMAS**
______________________________
We all know a good boy.
He's a 'Feminist’... in his Tinder bio.
He ghosts you, but then feels bad. (For a moment.)
He’s not mansplaining, just aggressively clarifying.
And he's open to being wrong. Theoretically.
Ready to call time on rewarding those who clear the low bar of not being outwardly awful?
Awards for Good Boys explores why so-called and self-proclaimed good boys are actually not that great, and makes literal our tendency to applaud men for doing the absolute least. It will make you cry-laugh, feel validated, and help you unravel your own assumptions about what makes us good. ______________________________
'Shelby and her art are extremely my shit. You need this book.' Samantha Irby, author of We Are Never Meeting in Real Life
‘A short book of one woman’s opinions. It’s funny, but I prefer when men are funny or else my ego feels bruised.’ Ben from Twitter
______________________________
We all know a good boy.
He's a 'Feminist’... in his Tinder bio.
He ghosts you, but then feels bad. (For a moment.)
He’s not mansplaining, just aggressively clarifying.
And he's open to being wrong. Theoretically.
Ready to call time on rewarding those who clear the low bar of not being outwardly awful?
Awards for Good Boys explores why so-called and self-proclaimed good boys are actually not that great, and makes literal our tendency to applaud men for doing the absolute least. It will make you cry-laugh, feel validated, and help you unravel your own assumptions about what makes us good. ______________________________
'Shelby and her art are extremely my shit. You need this book.' Samantha Irby, author of We Are Never Meeting in Real Life
‘A short book of one woman’s opinions. It’s funny, but I prefer when men are funny or else my ego feels bruised.’ Ben from Twitter
208 pages, Hardcover
First published June 4, 2019
45 people are currently reading
1448 people want to read
About the author
Shelby Lorman
1 book39 followersShelby Lorman is a freelance writer and illustrator covering culture, technology, and dating in the digital age. She graduated from Oberlin in 2015. You can find her illustrated work on Instagram @awardsforgoodboys.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 197 reviews
March 24, 2019
It's uncanny how many boys I know who have inadvertently quoted this book word for word. Lorman's comics are sharp and hilarious, and their simple style almost makes them more so. I'm definitely following @awardsforgoodboys now. Show this to all the Good Boys™ in your life and maybe they'll get the hint (probably not, but theoretically worth a shot if you're willing to risk it turning into a philosophical discussion or a #deep critique).
July 3, 2019
The War Between the Sexes, 2019-style -- vs. -- the more things change, the more they remain the same
I heard NPR's author interview with Shelby Lorman, and what I thought was that men and women really are different.
That's not the author's intent, though. What she's after is a tongue-in-cheek critique of men who claim to be feminist egalitarians that care about women, that is, "good boys." She wants to highlight the dynamics of what's actually going on.
Presumably there are two kinds of guys, the out-and-out manipulative SOBs and these supposedly woke good boys. But the first kind, the manipulative bastards, don't put in an appearance in the book. Nor do any that genuinely are--what?--sexual egalitarians.
...although some of the "good boys" aren't too distinguishable from bad boys: they stand you up, don't return texts, never call, keep you from meeting their friends, see you only for sex, and, by the way, don't much care about your response in that regard either. What is she doing with them in the first place?
If the only guys were the ones who would like to appear more civilized than they actually are, then my original premise might be correct: Males are different from females.
I got this book for my husband on our anniversary, thinking it would make for interesting discussions, if in fact he read it, which typically he might not. Surprising me, he finished it before I did. But as to any discussion, he perceived the "good boys" as being totally unlike him. In other words, he identified with the expressed values. I haven't pushed it yet.
Yes, males and females should be equal. The error here is in the acceptance of the hook-up culture as the ideal. Men may consider it ideal (although even that's off target long term), but it won't work for women. In such a scenario, men and women can't be equal. That's where the negotiation needs to occur. With the state of things being as the author indicates, a woman can't get any leverage. It won't do too much good to invoke morality, which is what the author's doing in demonstrating that "good boys" really aren't. The forces of reality are arrayed against her.
This book is about girls and boys, not men and women.
I give her credit for her insights. She knows about internalizing: that some of her difficulties come from what's inside her head. She knows that in part she's writing, not to give "the answer," but to figure things out. It's just that she gives us the insights in rather a jumble.
In identity-politics/social-justice-warrior fashion, of course, only those who share her viewpoint are on the side of the angels. Others are at the least running interference for the patriarchy.
I heard NPR's author interview with Shelby Lorman, and what I thought was that men and women really are different.
That's not the author's intent, though. What she's after is a tongue-in-cheek critique of men who claim to be feminist egalitarians that care about women, that is, "good boys." She wants to highlight the dynamics of what's actually going on.
Presumably there are two kinds of guys, the out-and-out manipulative SOBs and these supposedly woke good boys. But the first kind, the manipulative bastards, don't put in an appearance in the book. Nor do any that genuinely are--what?--sexual egalitarians.
...although some of the "good boys" aren't too distinguishable from bad boys: they stand you up, don't return texts, never call, keep you from meeting their friends, see you only for sex, and, by the way, don't much care about your response in that regard either. What is she doing with them in the first place?
If the only guys were the ones who would like to appear more civilized than they actually are, then my original premise might be correct: Males are different from females.
Helen Hunt's character: "Why can't I just have a normal boyfriend? Why?..."
Her mother: "Everybody wants that, dear. It doesn't exist."
(As Good as It Gets, 1997 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bbpbf... )
I got this book for my husband on our anniversary, thinking it would make for interesting discussions, if in fact he read it, which typically he might not. Surprising me, he finished it before I did. But as to any discussion, he perceived the "good boys" as being totally unlike him. In other words, he identified with the expressed values. I haven't pushed it yet.
Yes, males and females should be equal. The error here is in the acceptance of the hook-up culture as the ideal. Men may consider it ideal (although even that's off target long term), but it won't work for women. In such a scenario, men and women can't be equal. That's where the negotiation needs to occur. With the state of things being as the author indicates, a woman can't get any leverage. It won't do too much good to invoke morality, which is what the author's doing in demonstrating that "good boys" really aren't. The forces of reality are arrayed against her.
DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with a man who doesn't want us to be described as anything more than friends. We are together every day, and he knows I love him. We have sex, and I sleep over whenever possible. He wants me there all the time but with no status. Am I wrong for wanting more? Will there ever be more? -- NAMELESS IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR NAMELESS: The answers to your questions are no and no. Your "friend" wants the benefits of being a lover and none of the responsibility.
Have you talked with him about this and how it makes you feel? You are not "wrong" for wanting more, but you are mistaken if you think that being at his beck and call is the way to get the commitment he seems to be so unwilling to make. You might have better results if you quit being so available.
--------Dear Abby, 6/26/2019 https://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/201...
This book is about girls and boys, not men and women.
I give her credit for her insights. She knows about internalizing: that some of her difficulties come from what's inside her head. She knows that in part she's writing, not to give "the answer," but to figure things out. It's just that she gives us the insights in rather a jumble.
In identity-politics/social-justice-warrior fashion, of course, only those who share her viewpoint are on the side of the angels. Others are at the least running interference for the patriarchy.
January 6, 2021
I chuckled throughout the book, interspersed with “Omg, yes !” and “Aah, that’s so true”. Awards For Good Boys is basically Sherby Lorman’s account of how men get put on a pedestal for doing the bare minimum - for legit behaving like a decent human being.
Lorman exposes how even the most feministic of men who claim to be our allies are susceptible to being blind to their own faults and get defence when it is pointed out. It also highlights how we, the women folk, are used to moulding ourselves to the wants and needs of men, that we would rather keep the peace than call them out - which can yet again be attributed to the behaviour of men (seriously, why are men).
Either way, it’s a short, witty and fun read which does jolt you into facing how we’ve been awarding the men in our lives for just, I don’t know, being nice. I have certainly been guilty of that (oh, well, no more). Would recommend giving this to all the good boys who are capable of being not good at times.
3 stars because it felt like the author was losing the plot at times and meandering into arenas which were not really central to the topic at hand. 5 stars for the illustrations !
Lorman exposes how even the most feministic of men who claim to be our allies are susceptible to being blind to their own faults and get defence when it is pointed out. It also highlights how we, the women folk, are used to moulding ourselves to the wants and needs of men, that we would rather keep the peace than call them out - which can yet again be attributed to the behaviour of men (seriously, why are men).
Either way, it’s a short, witty and fun read which does jolt you into facing how we’ve been awarding the men in our lives for just, I don’t know, being nice. I have certainly been guilty of that (oh, well, no more). Would recommend giving this to all the good boys who are capable of being not good at times.
3 stars because it felt like the author was losing the plot at times and meandering into arenas which were not really central to the topic at hand. 5 stars for the illustrations !
March 21, 2019
I was not previously familiar with @awardsforgoodboys and wish I had been, because boy oh boy are they easy to relate to as a feminist who knows many well-meaning but sometimes clueless fellas. Very, very funny and poignant. The drawings aren't the most skilled, but they're largely secondary to the message and the hilarious text.
April 2, 2019
A good fun read, but a little man hating for my liking. All the points are valid, mostly focusing on proper attention given and communication mishaps. I obviously understood and connected with the topics but it still felt too harsh, condescending and man hating.
June 9, 2019
This book was so therapeutic in the most hysterical way! It gave me so much insight while also making me laugh out loud. Can’t recommend it enough
June 17, 2019
Shelby is a genius and I encourage all people who date boys to read this / look at her Instagram account @awardsforgoodboys
August 4, 2019
The prologue had me really excited about this book, but it went downhill from there. It was all just a few random thoughts and a lot of random cartoons that I couldn’t relate to because I’ve never been on a Tinder date.
June 13, 2019
Not even remotely kidding when I say this is life-changing.
May 21, 2019
I honestly don't have all that much to say about this. It was fine.
I've followed Shelby's instagram account for a good while so I was excited to hear the stories behind her comics, but I found this quite surface level and a little too preachy rather than feeling like a personal account.
Had of the book is made up of comics, and considering that it was already tiny to begin with, it just felt like there wasn't enough substance. Fun to read, but nothing revolutionary.
I've followed Shelby's instagram account for a good while so I was excited to hear the stories behind her comics, but I found this quite surface level and a little too preachy rather than feeling like a personal account.
Had of the book is made up of comics, and considering that it was already tiny to begin with, it just felt like there wasn't enough substance. Fun to read, but nothing revolutionary.
June 23, 2019
It's stream of consciousness writing by someone who really, really wants an award for humor. I was looking forward to this book and was fairly disappointed. It falls quite flat, the writing is a bit lazy and convoluted, it can be hard to follow, and to be honest, it's not that funny. I get what she was trying to do here but it still comes across as a bit pleading. I am giving it three stars, quite average, nothing else to say really.
July 4, 2019
This book made me SO MAD because it was too real!! I know so many boys who have quoted this book without meaning to do so. 😑 Very funny and real feminism talk, love the comics too!
December 12, 2019
Some sections are explained really well and clearly, but there are pages of drawings where I had no idea what she was talking about. In a chapter about one topic, the drawings in the same chapter may be about something totally different. When I say "drawings," I mean a doodle sketch of a head with a speech bubble. This is not a graphic novel, like I thought.
June 8, 2019
Awards for Good Boys: Tales of Dating, Double Standards, and Doom is one of those books that led the people around me to keep asking, "what's so funny?" Lorman's illustrations were hilarious and also managed to feel deeply personal. There's a lot in this book that felt like someone was putting words to behaviors I'd encountered in my own life.
The book is about half personal anecdotes and half illustrations but is all-around so entertaining.
The book is about half personal anecdotes and half illustrations but is all-around so entertaining.
Read
July 19, 2019I bought this book as a gift for a friend (the one who turned me on to @awardsforgoodboys on Instagram), but I could not help but crack it open myself.
This book is genius... read it and commit phrases to memory. Use it to spot, call out, and/or learn not to be a "good boy". You will be a better person for having read this book.
This book is genius... read it and commit phrases to memory. Use it to spot, call out, and/or learn not to be a "good boy". You will be a better person for having read this book.
December 1, 2020
I liked the book's subtle humor on the real and legitimate problems that women face in this post-modern world that we live in. I think it also highlights a lot of trappings that males can get into and the biggest part of that is the idea of perception. the "good boy" does his "good boy" facade by claiming that he is the nice guy, supports the empowerment of women (by way of free the nipple of course!), etc. and it just speaks to this idea that a lot of people (not necessarily men exclusively) talk the talk but don't walk the walk. Actions speak louder than words people! I think there is some slight appeasing to the masses, however, it may come off like this because this is experiences that women do face in the real world.
If you want me to share with you some of the great quotes in this book, feel free to reach out, but some of my favourites include:
Man: This is very unlike me!
>does something extremely like him
Man: I'm sad that I made you sad so make me feel less sad about making you sad
Give it a read if you're interested to hear about these experiences and even check out the instagram account to get a better picturee / understanding of the premise.
https://www.instagram.com/awardsforgo...
If you want me to share with you some of the great quotes in this book, feel free to reach out, but some of my favourites include:
Man: This is very unlike me!
>does something extremely like him
Man: I'm sad that I made you sad so make me feel less sad about making you sad
Give it a read if you're interested to hear about these experiences and even check out the instagram account to get a better picturee / understanding of the premise.
https://www.instagram.com/awardsforgo...
February 3, 2021
Go read the bad reviews for this book, and once you’ve had a laugh go read the book itself.
June 25, 2019
I think that if I had been in a different mood when I read this, I would not have cared for it. So I totally get it if someone else reads this and doesn't like it. But I liked this, if for nothing else than the fact that she gave voice to this phenomenon that I have subconsciously observed, but have never been able to verbalize- which is, of course, the concept of the "good boy." That is, the man who does the absolute bare minimum, and because we expect nothing of him, we are so surprised and delighted that we give him praise. (No, this is not all men. ) I have known a "good boy" or two- and I think that until I read this, I still didn't realize how imbalanced such relationships were- how much emotional work I did while waiting for the other to do the slightest thing for which they would then expect gratitude; I didn't realize how messed up that was.
Aside from the a-ha-ness of the book for me, I found some parts very funny, other parts just okay, and overall, it was really more of a very short book made up largely of comics (a couple of which I didn't really understand? Vanna White?) There were also several typos, which surprised me. It is worth looking at if you like thinking about gender, sexism, and modern dating. I could see this being difficult for many men to read and not take personally. But a little discomfort can make you think.
Aside from the a-ha-ness of the book for me, I found some parts very funny, other parts just okay, and overall, it was really more of a very short book made up largely of comics (a couple of which I didn't really understand? Vanna White?) There were also several typos, which surprised me. It is worth looking at if you like thinking about gender, sexism, and modern dating. I could see this being difficult for many men to read and not take personally. But a little discomfort can make you think.
August 29, 2019
Great instagram and fun book. I want this author to be my friend.
July 21, 2022
Bitter? Yes. Funny? Also yes. Main idea: Don't try to make yourself smaller for someone else.
February 25, 2020
This was a cute, very quick read. 90% is comics so...
Some heavy social commentary about awarding men for basically not being assholes. Wrapped up in some funny stories, odd comics, and a slight sense that I'm not smart enough to get everything she is trying to say, but I probably agree with it.
Worth a flip through.
Some heavy social commentary about awarding men for basically not being assholes. Wrapped up in some funny stories, odd comics, and a slight sense that I'm not smart enough to get everything she is trying to say, but I probably agree with it.
Worth a flip through.
November 23, 2019
this really is the tea
May 27, 2019
A+ etc etc
Hilarious, righteous, on-point. This pocket-sized book packs a punch. Gold stars forever and ever amen and good night.
Hilarious, righteous, on-point. This pocket-sized book packs a punch. Gold stars forever and ever amen and good night.
July 21, 2019
The book has great insights, although like many internet projects being turned into books, the book feels a bit unnecessary or redundant and does not need to live on my bookshelf forever. Reading this, I felt so grateful not to be dating anymore. I also felt generally sick at the state of gender dynamics and memories of interactions I've had with dudes over the years. The awards that resonated most strongly were: 'you're not like other girls' and 'is so impressed you know about '.
February 11, 2020
Do you ever write or doodle to get some catharsis? Well, this book is basically someone doing that in a published, paperback bound form. People who have had the same experiences will probably also feel catharsis, but everyone else will just wince at the non-existent organization (both throughout the whole book and within chapters), lack of perspective taking, the amount of statements made without a supporting argument/evidence/citations, and the poorly done and repetitive illustrations.
August 17, 2019
This is an insanely funny illustrated book. @awardsforgoodboys is one of my favorite IG accounts to follow. It’s a super fast read (illustrations are perfection) that had me howling and nodding my head.
March 20, 2020
I’m probably bias because I have personally experienced almost all of the scenarios and because I have been following Shelby’s instagram for a long time now (@awardsforgoodboys, you won’t regret it. Unless you’re a good boy and then you may feel very #notallmen ). Only negative was that there were enough editing issues that it took away from the book in some places.
Highlighted Quote:
“We praise men for rising above the low bar set for them, a cruel irony as they are also the ones deciding where the bar is, like a horrible game of limbo that for branding purposes lets agree to call, “white capitalist cisheteropatriarchy”
Highlighted Quote:
“We praise men for rising above the low bar set for them, a cruel irony as they are also the ones deciding where the bar is, like a horrible game of limbo that for branding purposes lets agree to call, “white capitalist cisheteropatriarchy”
July 29, 2019
This book isn't supposed to be a book in the traditional sense. Rather, it's a hilarious and relatable peek into the life and woes of Shelby Lorman, creator of the Instagram account @awardsforgoodboys
She does such a great job tying together her comics that have similar themes; while writing about said themes and connecting them to her lived experiences; while also writing good words about the culture of misogyny/dating/male privilege.
Some of these comics are available to see on her IG. Some of them are new. All I know is I kept taking pictures of them to share with friends like, "AND I OOOP-" DAS ME/HIM/HER.
Buy this book! Support the author.
She does such a great job tying together her comics that have similar themes; while writing about said themes and connecting them to her lived experiences; while also writing good words about the culture of misogyny/dating/male privilege.
Some of these comics are available to see on her IG. Some of them are new. All I know is I kept taking pictures of them to share with friends like, "AND I OOOP-" DAS ME/HIM/HER.
Buy this book! Support the author.
August 29, 2019
No this isn't about dogs... But it is highly relatable and clarifying! Shelby Lorman manages to put so many emotions I have about the current world into words. The book not only made me aware of many good boy behaviors I had been a victim of but also several good girl behaviors I have and should probably address. It's hilarious and IT HAS AN ACTIVITY SECTION IN THE BACK!!!1!1!!
April 8, 2020
Hilariously funny to read and a good way for entitled boys (possibly like me) to learn that women like the author are on to them. Made me want to say "Eek!" more than once.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 197 reviews