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Daphne du Maurier: A Daughter's Memoir
In this memoir, Flavia Leng paints a powerful portrait of her mother, Daphne du Maurier. She presents an account of an unusual childhood, and reveals du Maurier's deep attachment to Cornwall and her withdrawal from family and friends.
206 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1995
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
February 16, 2024
This was SUCH a good book, written by Daphne du Maurier's second daughter and the middle of her three children, Flavia. It is filled with really personal memories that provide a lot of background on the life of Daphne du Maurier and how contradictory she was. There are lots of great clues. I've read almost all of du Maurier's novels, and am now reading biographies about her life. I'm doing this because I'm considering writing a short book about her time writing the best selling book REBECCA, in 1938. I'm gathering books about her life and have five so far but may buy more. In any event, not only is this book well written, and full of personal information, it is also incredibly funny. Flavia Leng was more than a competent writer in how she produced this book. To anyone who loves Daphne du Maurier, and her writing, and wants to know more about her life, this is the book, or one of them that you should read. Highly recommended.
November 3, 2012
This charming memoir is mistitled and really should be called something like: Growing Up with Bing (Daphne Du Maurier). The focus is not so much on her mother but on the world she created: Menabilly, the neglected manor house Du Maurier was so smitten with and was able to rent and rehabilitate for a number of decades. Menabilly served as inspiration for so many of her novels, including most famously, Rebecca, even before she ever took it over as her own. The childhood Flavia evokes is unconventional, full of laughter and imaginative games, despite the obvious favoritism her mother showed for her brother, Kits, and the hours she spent writing in a room with the door closed. Du Maurier's self-discipline as a writer was fierce but her children seem to have loved her so much, had so much fun with her when she did emerge, that they forgave her her many hours of separation (only Kits got to share mornings in her room, and then only when he was quite small).
The memoir follows up on Forster's biography of Du Maurier well, offering a clear picture of the children's life in Menabilly: with a dad who was mostly away (in the army) and a mother who was very much present--even if she did sequester herself for hours each day to create her stunning stories.
The memoir follows up on Forster's biography of Du Maurier well, offering a clear picture of the children's life in Menabilly: with a dad who was mostly away (in the army) and a mother who was very much present--even if she did sequester herself for hours each day to create her stunning stories.
March 18, 2022
The title is a bit misleading - this was not really about Daphne du Maurier, which was a bit disappointing… but still interesting when she did feature to think about her as a mother, and the relationships she had with her family, particularly her children. I hadn’t ever encountered this side of her before. Just wasn’t so interested in all the nicknames and what Flavia had for tea.
July 13, 2016
I have wanted to read Flavia Leng’s memoir of her mother for such a long time, and thought that my du Maurier December project afforded a very good reason indeed to do so. Leng’s ‘moving and revealing’ memoir was first published in 1994, and presents many of her childhood memories alongside the facts of du Maurier’s life.
The introduction of Daphne du Maurier: A Daughter’s Memoir is vivid from its very first sentence: ‘I dream often that my mother is still alive… In my dreams I see her as she was, a long time ago, before the start of the illness and depression that were to mar the last years of her life’. She goes on to set out the ancestry of her family, focusing particularly – as one might expect – upon her parents.
Leng demonstrates how du Maurier’s beloved Menabilly in Cornwall was the perfect place for the du Maurier-Browning family to make their home: ‘She gave Tessa, Kits and me a magical environment in which to grow up. It was a lovely haven for my father on his return from the stresses of the Second World War’. She also talks of the great divide which the idyllic setting sometimes held against her mother’s character, and the way in which the latter’s writing built a barrier between herself and her children: ‘There were times when my mother was busy with her writing that I felt we were intruding on her life… She would be in a world of her own where we were not welcome. Her need for space, for freedom, was greater than her need for us’. Leng goes on to say, ‘We would wait, biding our time until that magic moment when suddenly she was with us once more. Her faraway look gone, her lovely face alive with joy and laughter, and we would all frget in a trice that feeling of abandonment and rejection’.
Leng writes beautifully, and often with such fondness: ‘We would shiver with delight as she [du Maurier] recalled for us the sound of the owls hooting in the depth of the woods as dusk fell upon the darkening house’. Whilst her childhood appears idyllic on the surface, Leng portrays an often lonely childhood: ‘We knew no other families, Bing [du Maurier] thinking it quite unnecessary to encourage tiresome folk from beyond the park gates’. She is also rather candid when her memories warrant her to be: ‘Rebecca and I were conceived about the same time in 1936, but whereas the novel was very much planned and thought-out, I was unquestionably a mistake’.
She lets the disappointment which her parents felt of having another daughter, when both so clearly longed for a son – one they had already named – be known. When her younger brother, Christian, arrives, she tells of the lavish affection bestowed upon him, which was starkly missing from her and her older sister Tessa’s upbringings: ‘We would watch him lying gurling in her arms, her face buried in his tiny neck, and we would slip from the room, uncomfortable, knowing we were not welcome there’. The lack of relationship forged with her largely absent military father is described – ‘I did not miss him because I did not know him, but I missed the presence of “a daddy” – as is the way in which du Maurier hated fame and would ‘shun it as much as she could’.
Throughout Daphne du Maurier: A Daughter’s Memoir, we meet both famous characters – the ‘great Cornish writer’ Arthur Quiller-Couch and Noel Coward, for example – and those who made an impact upon young Flavia’s life. Leng herself comes across marvellously, and one can only feel such sympathy for the ways in which she was teased, both by her elder sister and some of the adults who encountered her. She is one of those marvellous people who sees the joy in just about everything. She rejoices, for example, at the moments she recalls in which du Maurier – or ‘Bing’, as her children affectionately called her – would spend time with them, even if it led to troubles: ‘Bing often made fun of people behind their backs. She would mock them, making us giggle, say things about them, give them strange make-believe lives – which at times made it very difficult for us children to have respect for our elders’.
Daphne du Maurier: A Daughter’s Memoir is often sad, but overall, Leng has crafted a charming biography, which provides rather a fascinating glimpse into du Maurier’s behaviour and relationships with her husband, staff and children. Leng’s memoir is a marvellous read for anyone interested in the woman behind the books.
The introduction of Daphne du Maurier: A Daughter’s Memoir is vivid from its very first sentence: ‘I dream often that my mother is still alive… In my dreams I see her as she was, a long time ago, before the start of the illness and depression that were to mar the last years of her life’. She goes on to set out the ancestry of her family, focusing particularly – as one might expect – upon her parents.
Leng demonstrates how du Maurier’s beloved Menabilly in Cornwall was the perfect place for the du Maurier-Browning family to make their home: ‘She gave Tessa, Kits and me a magical environment in which to grow up. It was a lovely haven for my father on his return from the stresses of the Second World War’. She also talks of the great divide which the idyllic setting sometimes held against her mother’s character, and the way in which the latter’s writing built a barrier between herself and her children: ‘There were times when my mother was busy with her writing that I felt we were intruding on her life… She would be in a world of her own where we were not welcome. Her need for space, for freedom, was greater than her need for us’. Leng goes on to say, ‘We would wait, biding our time until that magic moment when suddenly she was with us once more. Her faraway look gone, her lovely face alive with joy and laughter, and we would all frget in a trice that feeling of abandonment and rejection’.
Leng writes beautifully, and often with such fondness: ‘We would shiver with delight as she [du Maurier] recalled for us the sound of the owls hooting in the depth of the woods as dusk fell upon the darkening house’. Whilst her childhood appears idyllic on the surface, Leng portrays an often lonely childhood: ‘We knew no other families, Bing [du Maurier] thinking it quite unnecessary to encourage tiresome folk from beyond the park gates’. She is also rather candid when her memories warrant her to be: ‘Rebecca and I were conceived about the same time in 1936, but whereas the novel was very much planned and thought-out, I was unquestionably a mistake’.
She lets the disappointment which her parents felt of having another daughter, when both so clearly longed for a son – one they had already named – be known. When her younger brother, Christian, arrives, she tells of the lavish affection bestowed upon him, which was starkly missing from her and her older sister Tessa’s upbringings: ‘We would watch him lying gurling in her arms, her face buried in his tiny neck, and we would slip from the room, uncomfortable, knowing we were not welcome there’. The lack of relationship forged with her largely absent military father is described – ‘I did not miss him because I did not know him, but I missed the presence of “a daddy” – as is the way in which du Maurier hated fame and would ‘shun it as much as she could’.
Throughout Daphne du Maurier: A Daughter’s Memoir, we meet both famous characters – the ‘great Cornish writer’ Arthur Quiller-Couch and Noel Coward, for example – and those who made an impact upon young Flavia’s life. Leng herself comes across marvellously, and one can only feel such sympathy for the ways in which she was teased, both by her elder sister and some of the adults who encountered her. She is one of those marvellous people who sees the joy in just about everything. She rejoices, for example, at the moments she recalls in which du Maurier – or ‘Bing’, as her children affectionately called her – would spend time with them, even if it led to troubles: ‘Bing often made fun of people behind their backs. She would mock them, making us giggle, say things about them, give them strange make-believe lives – which at times made it very difficult for us children to have respect for our elders’.
Daphne du Maurier: A Daughter’s Memoir is often sad, but overall, Leng has crafted a charming biography, which provides rather a fascinating glimpse into du Maurier’s behaviour and relationships with her husband, staff and children. Leng’s memoir is a marvellous read for anyone interested in the woman behind the books.
January 21, 2014
Daphne du Maurier is one of my favorite authors, so I was eager to read about her from the insider position of one of her daughters. It's an interesting peek into Daphne's life, and that of her family. I was aghast sometimes at what a negligent mother she was, especially where her daughters were concerned! I know the wealthier English viewed hands-on parenting very differently than the middle class American parents I've known, but I found it shocking how often she was (voluntarily) away from them. She spent a great deal of money on boats for her husband, travel, and private schools for the children, yet did not bother to clothe the girls properly.
August 22, 2016
I don't often read non-fiction, and certainly not biographies, but this was recommended to me after reading Du Maurier's short stories.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Written by her daughter through the eyes of a child, it casts some light on the strange life of the family in Cornwall. At once free but strangely isolated and lonely. It's made all the more interesting when you look into the history and exploits of the adult characters involved. If you're interested in Daphne Du Maurier, do not walk past this book.
Fascinating and written beautifully.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Written by her daughter through the eyes of a child, it casts some light on the strange life of the family in Cornwall. At once free but strangely isolated and lonely. It's made all the more interesting when you look into the history and exploits of the adult characters involved. If you're interested in Daphne Du Maurier, do not walk past this book.
Fascinating and written beautifully.
April 6, 2021
Flavia Leng is the second daughter of famed Rebecca author Daphne du Maurier, and as such decided to write a memoir of her early life focusing on what it was like to be raised by du Maurier. This was written shortly after du Maurier's death, and because of this, this book is incredibly hard to rate. It is so personal to the author, but that is perhaps its greatest weakness.
This book is filled with Leng's pain. It is obvious that she has unresolved issues with her mother, things from her childhood that still bother her and will probably bother her for the rest of her life. She talks openly and often about her mother's favoritism for her brother, the neglect that she received alongside or in favor of her siblings, and the insults that were casually tossed her way frequently throughout her life. She talks candidly about the insecurity that grew from this treatment, but she attempts to do so in an unemotional way that presents her memories of the experience as objective fact rather than a very personal experience.
The thing is, parents can hurt a person like no other. There is nobody in my life that has done more damage to me as a person than my mother and my father, just as there is nobody in their lives that has done more damage to them than their parents. That is because your parents are also the people that do the most profound good in your life, at least if they're doing it right. Nobody is perfect and so of course there are incredible missteps in parenting that result in years of insecurities, prejudices or character flaws that are hard to get out from under. I think every single person in the world can agree with that. And I think that it is hardly uncommon for people to seek a cathartic release of that hurt during times when it is particularly bothersome, as it might be during the ending years of a parents life.
That's what I think this was for Flavia Leng. A cathartic release. And I think that because of that, this could have used a rewrite or two. She should have wrote out how she felt. Then done it again, and again, and again until she could genuinely feel less angry and hurt about the things that were done to her. But I don't think she did that. I think that she wrote it out, felt better about it, and released it to the world so that all of the hurt caused by her mother, father, siblings, and caretakers could be put on blast for the world to see.
She lists very specific moments of pain in her childhood caused by her family in places that maybe could have benefited from a different approach. And at the end of it all, she decided to end the book with an emotionally turbulent period of her childhood where she was shipped off to boarding school against her wishes. To end in such a way tells me, as a reader, that the issues that she mentioned in the book were not resolved. That her relationship with her mother stayed as tense as she portrays it in this memoir; especially because she mentions in the epilogue how cruel her mother became toward the end of her life.
As I am currently reading quite a lot by and about Daphne du Maurier, I know that Flavia Leng mentioned in the Daphne du Maurier Companion that she felt sometimes as though her mother's cruelty was her true self, her true opinions. This is at odds with the fun, happy Daphne that she claims existed despite all the issues she had with her mother, and makes me think that Flavia perhaps doesn't see her mother as clearly as she thinks she does.
I think that's the problem with this book in a nutshell; Flavia doesn't see her mother as a full person. She sees her as her mother, and is particularly conscious of her mother's failings as a parent because that is the aspect of her mother that she has to grapple with after Daphne's death. That is a perfectly valid point of view for her to have, but at the same time makes this book a very niche source of information on Daphne for the only the most devoted of fans to wade through. A die hard fan might even find this book difficult to get through because people tend to want their heroes to be likeable on a personal level. This book makes Daphne come across as quite unlikable, showcasing biases and character failings that weren't necessarily showcased in her work. Personally, I don't need my favorite authors or historical figures to be unproblematic, and can enjoy them regardless, but if you are the type of person who would be upset to hear about Daphne's poor parenting and would find that it takes away from your enjoyment of her work, I would probably stay away from this book.
This book is filled with Leng's pain. It is obvious that she has unresolved issues with her mother, things from her childhood that still bother her and will probably bother her for the rest of her life. She talks openly and often about her mother's favoritism for her brother, the neglect that she received alongside or in favor of her siblings, and the insults that were casually tossed her way frequently throughout her life. She talks candidly about the insecurity that grew from this treatment, but she attempts to do so in an unemotional way that presents her memories of the experience as objective fact rather than a very personal experience.
The thing is, parents can hurt a person like no other. There is nobody in my life that has done more damage to me as a person than my mother and my father, just as there is nobody in their lives that has done more damage to them than their parents. That is because your parents are also the people that do the most profound good in your life, at least if they're doing it right. Nobody is perfect and so of course there are incredible missteps in parenting that result in years of insecurities, prejudices or character flaws that are hard to get out from under. I think every single person in the world can agree with that. And I think that it is hardly uncommon for people to seek a cathartic release of that hurt during times when it is particularly bothersome, as it might be during the ending years of a parents life.
That's what I think this was for Flavia Leng. A cathartic release. And I think that because of that, this could have used a rewrite or two. She should have wrote out how she felt. Then done it again, and again, and again until she could genuinely feel less angry and hurt about the things that were done to her. But I don't think she did that. I think that she wrote it out, felt better about it, and released it to the world so that all of the hurt caused by her mother, father, siblings, and caretakers could be put on blast for the world to see.
She lists very specific moments of pain in her childhood caused by her family in places that maybe could have benefited from a different approach. And at the end of it all, she decided to end the book with an emotionally turbulent period of her childhood where she was shipped off to boarding school against her wishes. To end in such a way tells me, as a reader, that the issues that she mentioned in the book were not resolved. That her relationship with her mother stayed as tense as she portrays it in this memoir; especially because she mentions in the epilogue how cruel her mother became toward the end of her life.
As I am currently reading quite a lot by and about Daphne du Maurier, I know that Flavia Leng mentioned in the Daphne du Maurier Companion that she felt sometimes as though her mother's cruelty was her true self, her true opinions. This is at odds with the fun, happy Daphne that she claims existed despite all the issues she had with her mother, and makes me think that Flavia perhaps doesn't see her mother as clearly as she thinks she does.
I think that's the problem with this book in a nutshell; Flavia doesn't see her mother as a full person. She sees her as her mother, and is particularly conscious of her mother's failings as a parent because that is the aspect of her mother that she has to grapple with after Daphne's death. That is a perfectly valid point of view for her to have, but at the same time makes this book a very niche source of information on Daphne for the only the most devoted of fans to wade through. A die hard fan might even find this book difficult to get through because people tend to want their heroes to be likeable on a personal level. This book makes Daphne come across as quite unlikable, showcasing biases and character failings that weren't necessarily showcased in her work. Personally, I don't need my favorite authors or historical figures to be unproblematic, and can enjoy them regardless, but if you are the type of person who would be upset to hear about Daphne's poor parenting and would find that it takes away from your enjoyment of her work, I would probably stay away from this book.
October 13, 2021
‘Daphne du Maurier: A Daughter's Memoir’ by Flavia Leng is filled with many wonderful moments. Flavia Leng, the second daughter and middle child of world- renowned author Daphne du Maurier, tells of a somewhat unusual childhood spent largely in an old mansion called Menabilly in Cornwall. It is the seat of the Rashliegh family who no longer live in it and who have allowed it to become rundown. Daphne du Maurier takes the house, it’s park and woodlands on long lease, and turns Menabilly into a liveable, but somewhat eccentric, home. It is also where she writes some of her most memorable works. Flavia, her older sister Tess, and their young brother Kits are initially home-schooled, mainly by their mother’s old teacher, the redoubtable but loveable Tod.
At one time Daphne is required to fight a court case in New York and she takes Flavia and Kits with her. They are tutored by Tod in the grand home of her publisher while Daphne fights, and wins, her plagiarism case. They travel to and from New York by ship.
Flavia tells of this and other periods in their lives with plenty of detail, all richly captured through the eyes and mind of a child. Their father was Lieutenant-General Sir Frederick Arthur Montague "Boy" Browning, who had a great love of yachting, and owned several boats. Through Flavia we learn of the family’s many hours of sailing when her father was able to get leave. His earlier career was spent mainly abroad in the army. His time in the army included two years as military secretary of the War Office. Later, and here I quote from Wikipedia: He became Comptroller and Treasurer to Her Royal Highness Princess Elizabeth, Duchess of Edinburgh. After she ascended to the throne to become Queen Elizabeth II in 1952, he became treasurer in the Office of the Duke of Edinburgh.
Flavia’s writing gives us insight not only growing up in a somewhat eccentric family but also a slower-paced less technology encumbered life than we have today, one of running free in the woods, riding ponies, swimming, sailing and picnicking. When Flavia finally goes to school, and leaves behind Tod and home-schooling, she and Tess do so by train with many of the other girls who go to the convent where Tess has been for some years. They are supervised on their journey by a tall nun. The train journey symbolises, in a sense, Flavia’s moving from young to older childhood. It is also, largely, the end of the tale though their is an epilogue that helps the reader learn of Tess’s, Flavia’s, and Kit’s adult years. It also tells us of their parents' final years. The last paragraphs of the epilogue, and thus the book, are poignant and beautifully written. The three children, now all middle-aged adults with children of their own, have met to scatter their mother’s ashes into the Cornish sea. For the three siblings it is a time of coming together, of remembering, and letting go. It is a fitting ending to a story that moved a little too quickly in the beginning but settled down into an insightful and enjoyable read. I can only but imagine that Daphne du Maurier would have been proud of her daughter’s memoir.
At one time Daphne is required to fight a court case in New York and she takes Flavia and Kits with her. They are tutored by Tod in the grand home of her publisher while Daphne fights, and wins, her plagiarism case. They travel to and from New York by ship.
Flavia tells of this and other periods in their lives with plenty of detail, all richly captured through the eyes and mind of a child. Their father was Lieutenant-General Sir Frederick Arthur Montague "Boy" Browning, who had a great love of yachting, and owned several boats. Through Flavia we learn of the family’s many hours of sailing when her father was able to get leave. His earlier career was spent mainly abroad in the army. His time in the army included two years as military secretary of the War Office. Later, and here I quote from Wikipedia: He became Comptroller and Treasurer to Her Royal Highness Princess Elizabeth, Duchess of Edinburgh. After she ascended to the throne to become Queen Elizabeth II in 1952, he became treasurer in the Office of the Duke of Edinburgh.
Flavia’s writing gives us insight not only growing up in a somewhat eccentric family but also a slower-paced less technology encumbered life than we have today, one of running free in the woods, riding ponies, swimming, sailing and picnicking. When Flavia finally goes to school, and leaves behind Tod and home-schooling, she and Tess do so by train with many of the other girls who go to the convent where Tess has been for some years. They are supervised on their journey by a tall nun. The train journey symbolises, in a sense, Flavia’s moving from young to older childhood. It is also, largely, the end of the tale though their is an epilogue that helps the reader learn of Tess’s, Flavia’s, and Kit’s adult years. It also tells us of their parents' final years. The last paragraphs of the epilogue, and thus the book, are poignant and beautifully written. The three children, now all middle-aged adults with children of their own, have met to scatter their mother’s ashes into the Cornish sea. For the three siblings it is a time of coming together, of remembering, and letting go. It is a fitting ending to a story that moved a little too quickly in the beginning but settled down into an insightful and enjoyable read. I can only but imagine that Daphne du Maurier would have been proud of her daughter’s memoir.
September 4, 2022
Fascinating to read this immediately after Jane Dunn's brilliant biography of Daphne and her sisters. The daughter is inevitably kinder to her mother, more discrete about her parents affairs and less detailed in their weaknesses or failings. Obviously it's based on personal memory, not detailed research, so feels light after Dunn. Read first or alone I would have a much more generous picture of Daphne/Bing. But it's there if you read between the lines: her father's alcoholism and nasty temper, her mother's absentee approach to loving them and what reads like a daughter's unrequited love. Of course Leng was there and Dunn wasn't, so perhaps the truth is somewhere in the middle but DDM doesn't sound like a warm empathetic person! Driven, focused, financially generous, conflicted over gender and sexuality but also selfish, detached and controlling.
April 17, 2023
This was a delightful read about one of my favorite authors. Many years ago I read most of her books starting with The Scapegoat. The House on the Strand was another favorite I have read twice…most unusual for me to read a book twice.
May 31, 2013
As it is written by one of Daphne du Maurier's daughters, Flavia Leng, I feel that this is an important read for any scholar or person interested in du Maurier's life; having a first-hand account of events by someone who was actually there is priceless. The perspective (Flavia Leng's) makes a striking contrast to the other two existing biographies of Daphne du Maurier, as they are very adult. However, that is in no way a bad thing, simply different.
At the same time, as a book, it lacks substance in many ways and jumps between a great many episodes in the Browning/du Maurier household in a way that was sometimes very hard to follow. The book also only vaguely addresses the later years of their lives, mostly focusing on an idyllic childhood. I am very glad overall that I read this book, however, as I now have a more rounded view of the different ways Daphne du Maurier interacted with those around her and am more certain than ever that the spaces (houses, boats, and most of all, Cornwall) that inspired her are central to her literary works.
At the same time, as a book, it lacks substance in many ways and jumps between a great many episodes in the Browning/du Maurier household in a way that was sometimes very hard to follow. The book also only vaguely addresses the later years of their lives, mostly focusing on an idyllic childhood. I am very glad overall that I read this book, however, as I now have a more rounded view of the different ways Daphne du Maurier interacted with those around her and am more certain than ever that the spaces (houses, boats, and most of all, Cornwall) that inspired her are central to her literary works.
April 19, 2012
I think the author is still hurting, and so unable to see her mother as an individual. Imho, Daphne Du Maurier was what would today be described as HSP, i.e. a highly sensitive person. I did not feel much emotion pouring from the book, whereas I did when I read DDM's memoir of her younger years.
July 7, 2012
A sad ending. And very abrupt.
April 30, 2013
I hope writing this memoir gave the author the closure she so obviously needed.
Not what I was expecting but still an enjoyable read.
Not what I was expecting but still an enjoyable read.
July 14, 2019
It was nice to see the home side of living with the author.
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May 10, 2012Great book about one of my favourite authors.
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews