Stray Dogs and Deuces Wild: Cautionary Tales

by Judge Santiago Burdon

Horror Sleaze Trash proudly presents, Judge Santiago Burdon.

130 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2020

About the author

Biography


Judge Santiago Burdon's stories and poems have appeared in over 350 Magazines, Literary Journals, Podcasts and Anthologies. He is considered to be one of the most influential writers of hard hitting, raw fiction of our time. This 21st Century “ Nelson Algren” has introduced an empirical genre to literature referred to as; 'Impulse Fiction'. Santiago was recognized as an International Poet and Author in Who's Who of Emerging Writers 2020 and again in 2021. He has authored nine books published by three different presses. Santiago turned 71 last July and lives in Tucson Arizona.

Reviews

[Melki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Then there's a knock at the door. Let me share a bit of wisdom: Opportunity doesn't knock. In most instances, it's Jehovah's Witnesses.*

Judge Santiago Burdon is a new author to me, and a bit of a mystery man. Is he this kind of Judge:



Or . . . this kind of Judge:



Well, if you visit his website - https://5d1dd405a81e9.site123.me/, you'll find he's this kind of Judge:



Which means his tales of drug running, sex, and shenanigans are taut, punchy, and funny as hell. Semi-autobiographical, I assume, Burdon's stories crackle and pop in all the right places. I can't wait to read his upcoming memoir!


*From Don't Call Me Thunder Slut

[Arthur Graham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Comprising twelve tales of dark humor, dirty deeds, and misadventure, Stray Dogs and Deuces Wild marks the first full-length collection from raconteur, former drug runner, and unrepentant rascal, Judge Santiago Burdon.

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Review copies available upon request.

[Janie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gritty, graphic and darkly humorous tales of a drug runner's escapades and relationships on the fly. Instead of running roughshod and exploiting those around him, the main character is actually likeable, and his bond with his closest friend displays his capacity for warmth. Altogether an enjoyable and down to earth collection.

[A. Blumer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Confession: I finished this book a couple weeks ago, but enjoyed the last few stories so much I went back to reread the ones I had forgotten (being a terribly ADD reader stubborn enough to keep up the practice *shrug*).

Anyway, this book was well worth rereading! This collection of tales from a renegade drug-runner with a mutt lineage and his bipolar sidekick has been a great little book for times when I needed something less dark and serious to read. On top of that, it's very well written! Burdon is concise but the atmosphere isn't lacking, and the many female accompaniments, even though the protagonist clearly has a specific type, still show their different personalities through their dialogue.

Highly recommend this collection for your coffee table if you don't give a shit what your company might think of you after thumbing through one of these tales.

Favorite shorts: The Twice-Killed Cat, Dark Cloud in a Silver Lining, Absinthe Oranges and Alligators, Luck of the I Wish, Father Guy, and Watermelon Round-up Run.

...so, like, half the book but that's why it's getting five stars.

[Jesse Kennedy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Solid, compelling debut by Burdon in this collection of gritty tales that explore life on the seedy fringes of society. Themes of drug addiction, drug running, third world prisons and gunfights are peppered with witty dialogue, strong prose and a bit of kink here and there. All the stories have an authentic feel to them and there’s plenty of quirky and occasionally psychotic characters such as sidekick Johnny Rico who, “always has to kill things twice.” Fingers crossed, Judge will follow up this entertaining debut with a novel which I will look forward to reading.

[Stephen McQuiggan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Torn scrotums and dead cats and a woman who gets off by being pelted with oranges - just some of the dark delights dished up by the Judge, gift wrapped in smart, snappy dialogue and midnight black humor. I ended up reading all twelve tales in one smirking sitting, testament to the fluidity of the prose and the engaging nature of the tales. If Raymond Chandler had developed a drug habit, and gave himself over to the devil may care joys of hedonism, he couldn't have produced better. More proof that HST is healthier than ever.

[Matt Nagin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Burdon presents a range of wild tales here that are both humorous and revealing. We meet a character, Johnny Rico, who kills the cat of his girlfriend and hangs it from her door as revenge for cheating on her; a woman who gets turned on by getting pelted with oranges; a guy on a drug run from Mexico with a newbie acquaintance in a truck packed with watermelons and much more.

Faulkner said every writer needs 'experience, observation and imagination,' and Burton certainly has plenty of experience on which to base these entertaining tales. You get these sense, too, that he is the type of author who would enjoy regaling patrons at a bar with his wild, macabre tales. Certainly, the author manages to keep your interest and present the subject matter in a candid, entertaining fashion.

In sum, then, this is a highly amusing collection of bohemian stories from the fringe. The writing can best be compares to the work of such luminaries as Charles Bukowski, William S. Burroughs and Denis Johnson. Buy this book today!

[Brian Rihlmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wasn't quite sure what to expect, with a title such as this....but Bigotes' tales of drug fueled debauchery are wild, crazy, alternately cringe-worthy and laugh out loud hilarious. Not to mention well-told. He is indeed a fine storyteller, a master of the "cautionary tale." I definitely recommend this book!

[Giovanni Mangiante · Rating 5 out of 5]

Santiago's prose reads as Bukowski would put it: BIM, BIM, BIM! These stories pack great imagery, great pace, humor, wisdom, and just about everything needed for a 5-star dirty realism collection. A must-read!

[John Smith]

I read Santis Book... cover to cover in one sit.... I liked it for numerous reasons... one was it unfolded in my head like a Movie.... I suppose one might say there was a lot of Dark Humor in it... but I don't like labels.... and terms much..... I guess one could say... it was a fun read... perhaps.... but then again others might not adhere to the murder of a Cat by mistaken identity.... but whatever..... If you need some gut wrenching humor... some belly laughs... read... it... I doubt anyone would be Sorry for doing so.

[James Yesley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the work of a seasoned writer. Incredible talent awaits you! These stories leap off of the page and place you into Santiago's poetic life. Tales that grip and excite the reader, placing you into a world that is rarely seen by the the general public. Buy this book! You wont be dissapointed. His work is destined to become an instant classic!

[Nicole Cruz-Santos · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. The characters are smart and visceral, gritty guys with a sensibility that is dirty and divine. I want to see this made into a screenplay the images are so crisp. DO yourself a favor, read this book as your guilty pleasure and keep those characters in your head for a few hours. You will not be disappointed. Very Satiating read.

[Steve Cawte · Rating 5 out of 5]

It really is excellent. Real characters, real stories and it sets an excellent tone throughout. I'd love to be able to pick a favourite but each story just has something great. A book that gives so much yet still leaves you wanting more. I look forward to reading more from Judge Santiago Burdon as soon as physically possible.

[David Maynard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an amazing collection of stories The author paints a masterpiece with words while leaving you wanting more .The dialog is witty ,edgy , and humorous.I can not wait to read more of his material.

[Tom Morgan]

Judge brings us along, he brings us places we were afraid to go ourselves. He's us, I know, he's us.

[Shenry · Rating 5 out of 5]

The stories in Stray Dogs and Deuces Wild are well developed and well written. They are also suspenseful with light and dark humor.

[Gentry McShane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Did you grow up with a dad who went out for cigarettes and never come back? Well lucky for me mine wrote a book about what he was up to all those years! Jokes aside, my real life fathers book is like the beat novels of the 1960s if you swap out the sidewalk cafes of San Francisco and New York with the 1990s strip malls and gritty border town culture in the southwestern United States. Other stories pay homage to a side of working class Americana that even the most canonized authors of the genre from Steinbeck to Bukowski failed to cover and travels in Mexico and Latin America that would leave Kerouac feeling like a poser. While there were some vocabulary choices I have expressed to my dad dont necessarily align with the underground culture of my generation I feel like this is a great read and I mean that from the most unbiased place possible as his child. Take it from someone who has heard these stories vocally my entire life, Judge's delivery and storytelling ability not only keep you continuously engaged but serve to inspire and relate to life's absurdities that many of us would never consider putting in to words, but should be.

[Dusty Pendleton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Living in a border state and having some idea about the crime and drug infested underworld, makes STRAY DOGS AND DEUCES WILD an absolutely believable collection of, as the title suggests, Cautionary Tales. The only way to get a more thorough understanding of that world would be to try and live it and neither you nor I would come back unscathed; if alive. Burdon writes in a way that I can't imagine anything but first hand bona fides could produce

[Robert McDermott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mr. Burdon's writing is sophisticated and transports you into a world of people living on the edge. One filled with debauchery, hedonism and desperation. His characters have shallow morals and ethics. He paints them so articulately and with vivid descriptions one feels compelled to follow their lives. His use of profanity is woven into the dialogue so deftly it is almost poetic. Robert McDermott

[Will Mayo · Rating 5 out of 5]

From the streets of Mexico to the bars and prisons of Costa Rico to a town called Weed, California here in the United States this is a book by a man who has lived the life. These are stories of sex, drugs, more sex, murder, of course, and with just a hint of transvestism and mutilation as Santiago thrills the reader with the tales of the narrator in these stories, one mysterious Johnny Rico, a nervous bystander named Andy, a few good whores and we should not forget that alligator just waiting for trouble in that bathtub. If you should happen to have a blue or boring evening then may I suggest this book? It's sure to liven things up.

[Linnet Phoenix · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this collection of short stories, Judge Santiago Burdon is author, narrator and the lead character, in a series of often unfortunate events that swing from daily grim to obscenely wild. I do not know where the storyteller ends and the memoir begins.

However, as a reader I was left in no doubt this man has seen more than his fair share of life. In fact, like 'The Twice-Killed Cat' of his second tale, I think he is on his ninth life by now. But I am getting ahead of myself...

The stories start with 'I Should of Known Better' he plunges his reader into the painful world of withdrawal and the lengths a drug addict will go to. In the end all involved should of know better. Including the reader, do not read further if this story offends your senses.

In the second story we meet Johnny Rico, a reoccurring character, who though totally flawed and possibly certifiably insane, seems to grow into your affection. In the same way 'Santi' seems unable to stop himself getting drawn into impossibly bad plans with him.

For the title alone Thunder Sl*t is fantastic. In that way only coincidences can make the world a better place. It has great humour too.

His stories take you on wild adventures. You will find yourself in the Emergency Room, cringing at the thought of man-scaping! Meeting women who find fruit a turn on. Holding tight to the pages as a small aircraft takes on more than it bargained for. Oh and watch out for alligators!

I thoroughly enjoying reading this book, if only from knowing, as I sit in the comfort of my own room, I am just the voyeur of these tales. But it is more, it shows an honour among rogues. An unwritten code of behaviour that shows as caring side, even if he maybe curses himself for it.

[Sally Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

it was one of those books that I couldn't put down !

These captivating tales are derived from the experiences of a life most of us wouldn't have survived ! They are written with a smooth style and with such a rich sense of humor that it's going to be one of those books that you keep close at hand to read again and again !!!

[Chris Butler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Judge Santiago Burdon has remained one of the top poets in the world in the last half decade...and his emergence to the top of the class is evident in this latest book. His diatribe traps the reader in a twister of emotions...humor, fear, anxiety, joy and devastation. As an editor (and your friendly neighborhood writer), I have had the benefit of being able to follow his recent career and the upward trajectory his words have taken like rocket ship attached with an 10 megaton a-bomb, and nowhere is it more evident than in this collection, and his collections to come. If you ever have an afternoon free and in need of inspiration of thoughtful enlightenment, one sitting will leave your brain's synapses striking bolts of lightning behind any readers' eyes.

[Ivor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this beautiful and brutal collection of razor sharp, short stories. These tales of lowlifes with high-hopes – or, more often, not a hope in hell - are reminiscent of Nelson Algren and David Goodis in that the characters are all vividly drawn and as addictive as they are addicted – especially the fantastically mental Johnny Rico. Despite the desperation and resignation in the tales, though, they are also as funny as hell. Judge Santiago Burdon really knows how to spin a bloody good yarn, that’s for sure! Stray Dogs and Deuces Wild: Cautionary Tales is certainly not for those of a sensitive disposition but for anyone with thick skin and a dark sense of humour it is very highly recommended.

[Ste Bam · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful trawl through the Underbelly of Central America.. A book full of triggers for everyone of my weaknesses.. Its a good job I'm not on the wagon as I'd of thrown myself from it. It reminds me of the raum diaries in places and has that Hunter. S. Thompson vibe mixed with a little Bukowski. The main protagonist seems to have a devil may care desire will always trump reason.. Unless he's working.. This mixes well in the stories with the psychotic loose cannon that is Jonny Rico.. Then throw into the mix girls that take a piece of your soul with every spent load it's a nice way to spend a few hours

[Paul Cordeiro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Santi's friend Rico is always getting them both into trouble. Stray dogs and Deuces Wild is a fun read about two buddies, the hijinx they get into from Rico's mad schemes.
There's a bunch of self-inflicted comic scenes where Santi, who is the narrator, gets caught up in ridiculous situations and usually drugs, alcohol and women are involved
in this breezy journey to Colombia, Mexico, and California. The author also has some post-modern fun commenting on literature luminaries with jaunty rhythms and punchy phrases to boot. Recommend it highly.

[Stephen North · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well-written tales from the edge! Santiago is a man who took a darker path in life, but still manages to find and value humor in his relationships with friends, lovers, and situations. He isn't just one thing, although many not so savory labels apply to him. He is human, and large swathes of his past are a mystery. Everyone has their own story of how they found their way through life. Here are some memorable stories of one man's life on an edge. I received a free copy of this book in exchange for a fair review.

[Denise · Rating 5 out of 5]

It must be terrifying to spill your guts on the table in a book, which makes his tales genuine. Judge takes a chance on the reader with " full frontal" conviction, that the reader will feel every emotion depicted without passing judgement on the characters. I appreciate the talent of this author and expect more to come...

[Jason Rogers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cut to the chase Burdon is simply fantastic!
His writing exists somewhere within the fiery smoke of the rubber where it meets the road. His descriptive style will take you along white knuckled, and riding shotgun, in one thrill laden adventure after another. Hang on tight " it's gonna be a bumpy ride !!" Enjoy!!

[Justin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Santiago's prose takes you into a world that few people know in their blood. He paints dichotomous
scenes of debauchery & passion with an heir of elegance. It's like hearing Mozart play in a biker bar.