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Fear Gone Wild: A Story of Mental Illness, Suicide, and Hope Through Loss
A pastor's wife's shattering yet ultimately hopeful story of her husband's death by suicide, her journey to understand mental illness, and the light she found in the darkness.
On August 25, 2018, Kayla Stoecklein lost her husband, Andrew--megachurch pastor of Inland Hills Church in Chino, California--to suicide. In the wake of the tragedy, she embarked on a brave journey to better understand his harrowing battle with mental illness and, ultimately, to overcome the stigma of suicide.
Fear Gone Wild is her intimate account of all that led to that tragic day, including her husband's panic attacks and debilitating bouts of anxiety and depression. Despite their deep faith in God and the countless prayers of many believers, Andrew was never healed of his illness. Turning to Scripture for answers, she discovered that God uses wilderness experiences to prepare His children--including Jesus--for his greater purpose and to work miracles inside our souls.
With a clear-eyed acknowledgment of how misguided and misinformed she was about mental illness, Kayla Stoecklein shares her story in hopes that anyone walking through the wilderness of mental illness will be better equipped for the journey and will learn to put their hope in Jesus through it all.
On August 25, 2018, Kayla Stoecklein lost her husband, Andrew--megachurch pastor of Inland Hills Church in Chino, California--to suicide. In the wake of the tragedy, she embarked on a brave journey to better understand his harrowing battle with mental illness and, ultimately, to overcome the stigma of suicide.
Fear Gone Wild is her intimate account of all that led to that tragic day, including her husband's panic attacks and debilitating bouts of anxiety and depression. Despite their deep faith in God and the countless prayers of many believers, Andrew was never healed of his illness. Turning to Scripture for answers, she discovered that God uses wilderness experiences to prepare His children--including Jesus--for his greater purpose and to work miracles inside our souls.
With a clear-eyed acknowledgment of how misguided and misinformed she was about mental illness, Kayla Stoecklein shares her story in hopes that anyone walking through the wilderness of mental illness will be better equipped for the journey and will learn to put their hope in Jesus through it all.
216 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 8, 2020
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1042 people want to read
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July 12, 2020
I've struggled for three days with how to write a review for Kayla Stoecklein's upcoming release "Fear Gone Wild: A Story of Mental Illness, Suicide, and Hope Through Loss."
As a survivor of suicide myself, someone who's worked in the field of crisis intervention, and even as someone who was once kicked out of a church in my early 20's following a suicide attempt, I found myself eagerly anticipating the arrival of "Fear Gone Wild," Stoecklein's deeply personal account of her husband's journey with depression and anxiety that ended with his death by suicide on August 25th, 2018 and her own subsequent realization that she hadn't understood the depths of his struggles nor the stigma often attached to mental illness by many churches.
Stoecklein's late husband, Andrew Stoecklein, was lead pastor for Inland Hills Church, a mega-church in Chino, California founded by Andrew's father and the church where Stoecklein would be found on August 24th by church members following his suicide attempt.
At the time of Stoecklein's death by suicide, it seemingly sent shock waves through the Christian community. While it was modestly known that Stoecklein had dealt with depression and anxiety, what had seemed like an idyllic life ended tragically.
Kayla Stoecklein takes us through the weeks, months, and years that led up to Andrew's death including their college courtship, their post-graduation marriage, Andrew's brief flirtation with life outside ministry followed by his inevitable call back into it, and the pastoral journey that led Andrew to first serve alongside his father as the Inland Hills Creative Arts Pastor before being called as lead pastor following his father's death.
At less than 30-years-old, it would seem that the Stoeckleins were living the perfect life as parents of three young children and leaders of a vibrant faith community.
Of course, one can tell from the title of "Fear Gone Wild" alone that all was not idyllic. Andrew began exhibiting signs of depression and anxiety early in his marriage, incidents captured vividly throughout "Fear Gone Wild."
"Fear Gone Wild" is most effective as an exploration of Stoecklein's complicated grief following Andrew's death. She acknowledges that she failed to understand the seriousness of Andrew's depression and anxiety and it's a failure she seems determined to not continue as she and her sons live their lives forward faithfully and with a determination to remove the stigma around mental illness and suicide. To her credit, she's not afraid to show the ugly and difficult parts of dealing with a partner's mental health struggles. There are times in "Fear Gone Wild" when you begin to wonder how their marriage even survived as her impatience is obvious and her frustration grows with having a husband who was increasingly unavailable and impaired by his depression and anxiety. These are difficult parts of "Fear Gone Wild" to read as they had to have been difficult parts to write.
While "Fear Gone Wild" occasionally works as an exploration of Stoecklein's own grief, it's considerably less successful as a story of mental illness, suicide, or the stigma that often surrounds mental illness among Christians.
Stoecklein often, and I mean very often, uses stigmatizing language throughout "Fear Gone Wild," a tendency that begins early in the book when she describes Andrew's father as becoming "bound" to a wheelchair.
In case you're unaware, that's just about one of the most derogatory statements you can make about a wheelchair user. "Wheelchair bound" or "bound to a wheelchair" is a tremendous insult and considered derogatory ableist language.
It certainly doesn't end there.
Stoecklein struggles to utilize language that is de-stigmatizing, though certainly her efforts to view the experience through a spiritual lens by using "wilderness" are understandable and give perspective on her own experience of having gone through this journey and experienced this devastating loss. While Stoecklein occasionally comes right out and says "mental illness" or "depression" or "anxiety," more often than not she defers to "darkness" or "wilderness" and more often than not she turns the story's viewpoint not on her husband but on herself.
It is practically an undeniable truth that the Church, not just Inland Hills but many Christian churches, have long been woefully inadequate in addressing mental health issues and in removing the stigma of mental health amongst congregants and pastors alike. Faith is supposed to be "enough" to help us transcend life's woes, an unrealistic pressure magnified for those in pastoral leadership roles tasked with providing spiritual direction while too often being expected to deny their humanity. It's an unrealistic expectation, of course, but it's one that continues to challenge churches as we tend to want our pastors to be strong, wise, pure, personable, and without any obvious failings.
The pressure to perform is real and it's obvious in the pages of "Fear Gone Wild" that Andrew struggled with that pressure up to the day he died. As is nearly always true when someone dies by suicide, we seldom know the exact reasons or causes or thoughts unless they choose to find a way to share them. Much of "Fear Gone Wild" seems to be written from that lack of knowing, but also from a place of faith.
"Fear Gone Wild," while ultimately too unsure and too disjointed to effectively explore mental illness, suicide, or stigma, will likely be a more meaningful read for those who can appreciate Stoecklein's vulnerable exploration of her grief and her pointed theological exploration of those times when God's followers have gone through wilderness. Additionally, Stoecklein explores the issue of whether suicide is an unforgivable sin (HINT: It's not) and does offer some valuable resources at the end of her book for those who might be in need of support.
I've struggled for three days with how to review "Fear Gone Wild," a book I ultimately found disappointing yet a book that tells a story needing to be told and that deals with a stigma around mental illness that the church has long needed to deal with. While I found much of Stoecklein's language troubling, too much of the focus on her own experiences, and the book itself tonally uneven, there's still a place for "Fear Gone Wild" in the discussion around mental health and faith and it's hard, actually impossible, to not respect Stoecklein's willingness to share her experiences and her healing journey through all its joys and sorrows.
"Fear Gone Wild" will be released on September 1st by Nelson Books.
As a survivor of suicide myself, someone who's worked in the field of crisis intervention, and even as someone who was once kicked out of a church in my early 20's following a suicide attempt, I found myself eagerly anticipating the arrival of "Fear Gone Wild," Stoecklein's deeply personal account of her husband's journey with depression and anxiety that ended with his death by suicide on August 25th, 2018 and her own subsequent realization that she hadn't understood the depths of his struggles nor the stigma often attached to mental illness by many churches.
Stoecklein's late husband, Andrew Stoecklein, was lead pastor for Inland Hills Church, a mega-church in Chino, California founded by Andrew's father and the church where Stoecklein would be found on August 24th by church members following his suicide attempt.
At the time of Stoecklein's death by suicide, it seemingly sent shock waves through the Christian community. While it was modestly known that Stoecklein had dealt with depression and anxiety, what had seemed like an idyllic life ended tragically.
Kayla Stoecklein takes us through the weeks, months, and years that led up to Andrew's death including their college courtship, their post-graduation marriage, Andrew's brief flirtation with life outside ministry followed by his inevitable call back into it, and the pastoral journey that led Andrew to first serve alongside his father as the Inland Hills Creative Arts Pastor before being called as lead pastor following his father's death.
At less than 30-years-old, it would seem that the Stoeckleins were living the perfect life as parents of three young children and leaders of a vibrant faith community.
Of course, one can tell from the title of "Fear Gone Wild" alone that all was not idyllic. Andrew began exhibiting signs of depression and anxiety early in his marriage, incidents captured vividly throughout "Fear Gone Wild."
"Fear Gone Wild" is most effective as an exploration of Stoecklein's complicated grief following Andrew's death. She acknowledges that she failed to understand the seriousness of Andrew's depression and anxiety and it's a failure she seems determined to not continue as she and her sons live their lives forward faithfully and with a determination to remove the stigma around mental illness and suicide. To her credit, she's not afraid to show the ugly and difficult parts of dealing with a partner's mental health struggles. There are times in "Fear Gone Wild" when you begin to wonder how their marriage even survived as her impatience is obvious and her frustration grows with having a husband who was increasingly unavailable and impaired by his depression and anxiety. These are difficult parts of "Fear Gone Wild" to read as they had to have been difficult parts to write.
While "Fear Gone Wild" occasionally works as an exploration of Stoecklein's own grief, it's considerably less successful as a story of mental illness, suicide, or the stigma that often surrounds mental illness among Christians.
Stoecklein often, and I mean very often, uses stigmatizing language throughout "Fear Gone Wild," a tendency that begins early in the book when she describes Andrew's father as becoming "bound" to a wheelchair.
In case you're unaware, that's just about one of the most derogatory statements you can make about a wheelchair user. "Wheelchair bound" or "bound to a wheelchair" is a tremendous insult and considered derogatory ableist language.
It certainly doesn't end there.
Stoecklein struggles to utilize language that is de-stigmatizing, though certainly her efforts to view the experience through a spiritual lens by using "wilderness" are understandable and give perspective on her own experience of having gone through this journey and experienced this devastating loss. While Stoecklein occasionally comes right out and says "mental illness" or "depression" or "anxiety," more often than not she defers to "darkness" or "wilderness" and more often than not she turns the story's viewpoint not on her husband but on herself.
It is practically an undeniable truth that the Church, not just Inland Hills but many Christian churches, have long been woefully inadequate in addressing mental health issues and in removing the stigma of mental health amongst congregants and pastors alike. Faith is supposed to be "enough" to help us transcend life's woes, an unrealistic pressure magnified for those in pastoral leadership roles tasked with providing spiritual direction while too often being expected to deny their humanity. It's an unrealistic expectation, of course, but it's one that continues to challenge churches as we tend to want our pastors to be strong, wise, pure, personable, and without any obvious failings.
The pressure to perform is real and it's obvious in the pages of "Fear Gone Wild" that Andrew struggled with that pressure up to the day he died. As is nearly always true when someone dies by suicide, we seldom know the exact reasons or causes or thoughts unless they choose to find a way to share them. Much of "Fear Gone Wild" seems to be written from that lack of knowing, but also from a place of faith.
"Fear Gone Wild," while ultimately too unsure and too disjointed to effectively explore mental illness, suicide, or stigma, will likely be a more meaningful read for those who can appreciate Stoecklein's vulnerable exploration of her grief and her pointed theological exploration of those times when God's followers have gone through wilderness. Additionally, Stoecklein explores the issue of whether suicide is an unforgivable sin (HINT: It's not) and does offer some valuable resources at the end of her book for those who might be in need of support.
I've struggled for three days with how to review "Fear Gone Wild," a book I ultimately found disappointing yet a book that tells a story needing to be told and that deals with a stigma around mental illness that the church has long needed to deal with. While I found much of Stoecklein's language troubling, too much of the focus on her own experiences, and the book itself tonally uneven, there's still a place for "Fear Gone Wild" in the discussion around mental health and faith and it's hard, actually impossible, to not respect Stoecklein's willingness to share her experiences and her healing journey through all its joys and sorrows.
"Fear Gone Wild" will be released on September 1st by Nelson Books.
January 10, 2021
I've never said this in a review before, but I truly think this book has potential to harm more than it helps. I had to put it down several times and wait a few days before picking it up again, as the way Kayla talks about mental illness is hurtful. When I tried to put myself in the shoes of someone who is currently struggling, her words often felt shaming, insulting, and unkind.
This is Kayla's story disguised as Andrew's (her husband) story, centering around her own self, instead of on "Mental Illness, Suicide, and Hope Through Loss." While we certainly need more books on those very things, this was written much too soon after her husband's death. I believe in time she will wish she would have waited more than a few months before penning and publishing this manuscript.
This is Kayla's story disguised as Andrew's (her husband) story, centering around her own self, instead of on "Mental Illness, Suicide, and Hope Through Loss." While we certainly need more books on those very things, this was written much too soon after her husband's death. I believe in time she will wish she would have waited more than a few months before penning and publishing this manuscript.
October 20, 2020
This was a hard one. The subject is difficult and the author addresses that. It is by no means a feel-good story. It is also not a full biography. It is a gut-wrenching story of a young man dealing with anxiety and depression as experienced through the eyes and heart of his widow. I can't say I "liked" this or that I "enjoyed" it. Kayla and her husband Andrew are Christians and Andrew pastored a church in Southern California before Andrew succumbed to the depression. This is the hard part. Aren't pastors supposed to have the answers? Doesn't their superior faith make them immune to things like anxiety and depression? Well I encourage you to read Kayla's story and get her/their perspective on what happened and how she is going forward.
September 12, 2020
I’ve been following along Kayla’s journey for quite some time and finished this book in less than two days. Her beautiful words on how to navigate through unimaginable pain touched my heart in so many ways. There is always hope, even through the deepest grief and loss, because of the God we serve. She does such an incredible job making that known to all who read these pages.
December 27, 2024
This book was recommended to me after walking through a difficult season with a lifelong friend. This book is hard to get through. Not because of the writing but because of the subject. The book was raw...very raw. Reading the words of what it looked like for Kayla to walk through this with her husband. Finishing this book has me taking some time to pause and reflect on what I read. Hopefully helping me be more compassionate with anyone I encounter that may be walking through this season.
October 12, 2020
With all my admiration and empathy for Kayla, there are a couple things that bothered me about her book that could potentially be damaging to a vulnerable reader. First is her reaction to the depression diagnosis (extreme overreaction), and second is her reaction to the issue of suicide (extremely underplayed).
After hearing that her husband has depression, she takes it in the worst way, as an absolute tragedy and a death sentence. She makes depression diagnosis sound like the worst thing in the world and it’s like in that moment her life has already ended. Her hysterical reaction actually puts a stigma on depression, which may prevent people from sharing such information with loved ones, fearing this extreme and unjustified reaction.
In contrast, after her husband’s tragic passing, she compares suicide to a heart attack, saying that one does not “commit” a heart attack, and so in the same way, a suicide is not a decision. That is false and although I firmly support taking the stigma away (I agree that it is not an unforgivable sin), we cannot preach an illusion that suicide just happens to a person like a heart attack.
It’s a little mind boggling why she chose to present these two things in such extreme ways, completely opposite of what they are. After that it was difficult to continue reading the book.
After hearing that her husband has depression, she takes it in the worst way, as an absolute tragedy and a death sentence. She makes depression diagnosis sound like the worst thing in the world and it’s like in that moment her life has already ended. Her hysterical reaction actually puts a stigma on depression, which may prevent people from sharing such information with loved ones, fearing this extreme and unjustified reaction.
In contrast, after her husband’s tragic passing, she compares suicide to a heart attack, saying that one does not “commit” a heart attack, and so in the same way, a suicide is not a decision. That is false and although I firmly support taking the stigma away (I agree that it is not an unforgivable sin), we cannot preach an illusion that suicide just happens to a person like a heart attack.
It’s a little mind boggling why she chose to present these two things in such extreme ways, completely opposite of what they are. After that it was difficult to continue reading the book.
January 13, 2021
What a heart-breaking story. I felt like Kayla wasn't able for some reason to tell the whole story of Andrew's tragic last years, much of it felt somewhat vague, making it hard to figure out what was going on.
September 5, 2020
On August 25, 2018, Kayla Stoecklein lost her husband, Andrew--megachurch pastor of Inland Hills Church in Chino, California--to suicide. Fear Gone Wild: A Story of Mental Illness, Suicide, and Hope Through Loss is her intimate account of all that led to that tragic day, including her husband's panic attacks and debilitating bouts of anxiety and depression. Despite their deep faith in God, Andrew was never healed of his illness.
To cope with her husband’s suicde, Kayla turned to Scripture for answers. Here, she discovered that God uses wilderness experiences to prepare His children--including Jesus--for His greater purpose and to work miracles inside our souls. With a clear-eyed acknowledgment of how misguided and misinformed she was about mental illness, Kayla Stoecklein shares her story in hopes that anyone walking through the wilderness of mental illness will be better equipped for the journey and will learn to put their hope in Jesus through it all.
I definitely agree that Kayla was misguided and misinformed about depression, anxiety and suicide, and I’m thankful that she acknowledges these facts. Yet, as I read, I still found areas where she’s naive. For instance, she offers advice to a person with depression to “have faith in God.” This simple sentence will not work for someone who feels helpless and hopeless or who is in “psychache” and truly unable to think clearly. She also suggests that readers who want to help a loved one with depression can sit with their loved one and make a list of self-care activities like cooking a yummy meal or taking a walk. These suggestions sound good, but they are impossible for someone suffering from depression and unable to even get out of bed.
Despite the naive suggestions, there is plenty of helpful material in the book that’s geared more to readers who care for someone with anxiety or depression (me!). Kayla mentions ways we can manage fear, pursue solitude rather than isolation and navigate grief.
The Reflect and Remember sections for each chapter are listed in the Appendix. With this placement, the book reads more like a memoir rather than a Bible study, but including the Reflect and Remember sections after each chapter increases their effectiveness at prompting readers to integrate the truths in the chapters.
I don’t think this book will help people with suicidal ideations. I personally know some people with these challenges, and based on extensive conversations with them, this book would not be helpful. However, it is beautifully written and remains a powerful testimony that acknowledges and reduces the stigma of mental health issues and offers hope.
Note: this book does include numerous triggers surrounding suicide, mental illness and well-meaning but ignorant loved ones.
To cope with her husband’s suicde, Kayla turned to Scripture for answers. Here, she discovered that God uses wilderness experiences to prepare His children--including Jesus--for His greater purpose and to work miracles inside our souls. With a clear-eyed acknowledgment of how misguided and misinformed she was about mental illness, Kayla Stoecklein shares her story in hopes that anyone walking through the wilderness of mental illness will be better equipped for the journey and will learn to put their hope in Jesus through it all.
I definitely agree that Kayla was misguided and misinformed about depression, anxiety and suicide, and I’m thankful that she acknowledges these facts. Yet, as I read, I still found areas where she’s naive. For instance, she offers advice to a person with depression to “have faith in God.” This simple sentence will not work for someone who feels helpless and hopeless or who is in “psychache” and truly unable to think clearly. She also suggests that readers who want to help a loved one with depression can sit with their loved one and make a list of self-care activities like cooking a yummy meal or taking a walk. These suggestions sound good, but they are impossible for someone suffering from depression and unable to even get out of bed.
Despite the naive suggestions, there is plenty of helpful material in the book that’s geared more to readers who care for someone with anxiety or depression (me!). Kayla mentions ways we can manage fear, pursue solitude rather than isolation and navigate grief.
The Reflect and Remember sections for each chapter are listed in the Appendix. With this placement, the book reads more like a memoir rather than a Bible study, but including the Reflect and Remember sections after each chapter increases their effectiveness at prompting readers to integrate the truths in the chapters.
I don’t think this book will help people with suicidal ideations. I personally know some people with these challenges, and based on extensive conversations with them, this book would not be helpful. However, it is beautifully written and remains a powerful testimony that acknowledges and reduces the stigma of mental health issues and offers hope.
Note: this book does include numerous triggers surrounding suicide, mental illness and well-meaning but ignorant loved ones.
August 31, 2025
page 38-39 // a common misconception in Christian culture is that depression is somehow linked to sin and spirituality, but I came to realize that it doesn’t happen because of a lack of prayer, time spent in the Bible or faith. I now know that depression is a real physical illness that needs to be treated with professional help, tender care, empathy and compassion. One of the most painful things a follower of Jesus can do is openly criticize the faith of a person who is in the darkness of depression. Even with the best intentions, if we aren’t careful with our words, we could heap more shame and sorrow upon our friends who are mentally ill.
page 39 // “I have no idea”
page 40 // the best thing we can do for our loved ones struggling with depression is to keep engaging them. They may not answer our phone calls, respond to our text messages or open the door when we stop by, but we can’t give up. If we give up, it may lead them to give up too. Instead we can keep showing up; we can keep showing them that there is nothing they can do to push away..... we can continue to show up because their lives are worth fighting for
page 51 // in other words I let fear be my friend instead of my actual friends. I chose fear over freedom and isolation over community, and I began to slowly unravel.
page 56 // am I sitting in solitude or isolation? If the answer is isolation, it may help to gently acknowledge this so we can work toward healing and building healthy connections again
page 57 // one truth Jesus was well aware of, as we are today, is that the wilderness is temporary
page 84 // when we shut down someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts, the chances of the conversation surfacing again are slim to none
DONT REACT, RESPOND
page 91 // I am confident now: our acceptance into eternity doesn’t hinge on how we die; instead it hinges on our salvation, our personal relationship with Jesus
page 100 // beeping machines and cries of broken shattered hearts
page 104 // died by suicide is the best phrase to use. It clearly sends the message that the death was caused by a mental condition, not a decision
page 123 // we cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust our sails
page 128 // as it was for Jesus, our time here is limited, but we serve a god who isn’t limited by time
page 129 // although we would like to live without it, we actually need fear. Fear protects us and stops us from making bad decisions. Fear tells us when something isn’t right.... fear is part of being human. We need fear to survive, but we also need hope - just enough fear to keep us grounded and just enough hope to keep us looking up
coloring book when someone I love dies
page 140 // if I have learned anything from the trenches of loss, it’s that nothing makes sense. Everything is upside down and backward, and emotions are scattered all over the place.
page 177 // wonder reminds us how small we are and how big god is. Wonder keeps us curious, it keeps us engaged, and it keeps us searching for him and his glory everywhere
page 39 // “I have no idea”
page 40 // the best thing we can do for our loved ones struggling with depression is to keep engaging them. They may not answer our phone calls, respond to our text messages or open the door when we stop by, but we can’t give up. If we give up, it may lead them to give up too. Instead we can keep showing up; we can keep showing them that there is nothing they can do to push away..... we can continue to show up because their lives are worth fighting for
page 51 // in other words I let fear be my friend instead of my actual friends. I chose fear over freedom and isolation over community, and I began to slowly unravel.
page 56 // am I sitting in solitude or isolation? If the answer is isolation, it may help to gently acknowledge this so we can work toward healing and building healthy connections again
page 57 // one truth Jesus was well aware of, as we are today, is that the wilderness is temporary
page 84 // when we shut down someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts, the chances of the conversation surfacing again are slim to none
DONT REACT, RESPOND
page 91 // I am confident now: our acceptance into eternity doesn’t hinge on how we die; instead it hinges on our salvation, our personal relationship with Jesus
page 100 // beeping machines and cries of broken shattered hearts
page 104 // died by suicide is the best phrase to use. It clearly sends the message that the death was caused by a mental condition, not a decision
page 123 // we cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust our sails
page 128 // as it was for Jesus, our time here is limited, but we serve a god who isn’t limited by time
page 129 // although we would like to live without it, we actually need fear. Fear protects us and stops us from making bad decisions. Fear tells us when something isn’t right.... fear is part of being human. We need fear to survive, but we also need hope - just enough fear to keep us grounded and just enough hope to keep us looking up
coloring book when someone I love dies
page 140 // if I have learned anything from the trenches of loss, it’s that nothing makes sense. Everything is upside down and backward, and emotions are scattered all over the place.
page 177 // wonder reminds us how small we are and how big god is. Wonder keeps us curious, it keeps us engaged, and it keeps us searching for him and his glory everywhere
August 24, 2024
This book barely touches the depths of darkness and despair. Mental illness is a whole different kind of spiritual battle. It’s cancer and frustration and constant prayers for redemption. Having lived with a husband who struggled with anxiety and depression for over 20 years before he took his own life, the author hadn’t even begun to explore the depths of commitment to a marriage and family.
I do believe our hope is in heaven, but I’m still trudging through the ugly mire of daily existence here on earth. Our holidays and one year anniversary looked a lot different than what she describes. Not to say that we haven’t been blessed and felt loved, but hope is not our prevailing attitude and emotion. We sometimes have glimmers of hope through the raging grief, but the light is faint and fades quickly. Most days I resent being grateful for the blessings that I would rather not receive.
I do believe our hope is in heaven, but I’m still trudging through the ugly mire of daily existence here on earth. Our holidays and one year anniversary looked a lot different than what she describes. Not to say that we haven’t been blessed and felt loved, but hope is not our prevailing attitude and emotion. We sometimes have glimmers of hope through the raging grief, but the light is faint and fades quickly. Most days I resent being grateful for the blessings that I would rather not receive.
February 16, 2023
I’m thankful that Kayla vulnerably shared her story. I, like many others, was moved by it.
She admits where she went wrong and how she could have addressed things better and I love that honesty, as many people who are Christians sometimes feel they have to be perfect: the right answers, the right reactions, the perfect attitude. I think Christians often put this pressure on themselves, but I also think people forget that all people, including Christians, are fallen people. All people make mistakes. All people do things incorrectly. And I appreciate her willingness to show that, because aren’t we all broken and in need of a savior? I love the transparency.
I also thank her for staying true to her subtitle: a story of mental illness, suicide, and hope through loss. I think her book accurately tells this story. She shares her own challenging season, talks about the suicide of her husband and moments leading up to it, and largely speaks about the hope in Jesus through grief. Other reviews may have put too much harsh criticism as this book being THE story for addressing mental illness and suicide. I don’t believe it is; I think it has broken a barrier to further allow more space to talk about this, because it is so important! THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION that has not been talked about enough! Just recently (past decade) have I heard churches preach on this.
This is an important conversation we need more of. But, while I don’t know if the author’s purpose in writing was to focus solely suicide and mental illness and how the church should “approach” these topics, it doesn’t seem that way. I mostly see Kayla wanting to show “God’s got this” and share Andrew’s story. And as I said earlier about brokenness of all humans, there will be times her writing will not be correct or exactly how someone should approach the novel. And I think that will open up MORE necessary conversations. We are all people who don’t know—and we need to all have these conversations to learn.
So, overall, I thought it was an important piece on her experiences of mental illness and suicide. And I will be seeking more material to help me further dive into these conversations that are too far and few between.
She admits where she went wrong and how she could have addressed things better and I love that honesty, as many people who are Christians sometimes feel they have to be perfect: the right answers, the right reactions, the perfect attitude. I think Christians often put this pressure on themselves, but I also think people forget that all people, including Christians, are fallen people. All people make mistakes. All people do things incorrectly. And I appreciate her willingness to show that, because aren’t we all broken and in need of a savior? I love the transparency.
I also thank her for staying true to her subtitle: a story of mental illness, suicide, and hope through loss. I think her book accurately tells this story. She shares her own challenging season, talks about the suicide of her husband and moments leading up to it, and largely speaks about the hope in Jesus through grief. Other reviews may have put too much harsh criticism as this book being THE story for addressing mental illness and suicide. I don’t believe it is; I think it has broken a barrier to further allow more space to talk about this, because it is so important! THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION that has not been talked about enough! Just recently (past decade) have I heard churches preach on this.
This is an important conversation we need more of. But, while I don’t know if the author’s purpose in writing was to focus solely suicide and mental illness and how the church should “approach” these topics, it doesn’t seem that way. I mostly see Kayla wanting to show “God’s got this” and share Andrew’s story. And as I said earlier about brokenness of all humans, there will be times her writing will not be correct or exactly how someone should approach the novel. And I think that will open up MORE necessary conversations. We are all people who don’t know—and we need to all have these conversations to learn.
So, overall, I thought it was an important piece on her experiences of mental illness and suicide. And I will be seeking more material to help me further dive into these conversations that are too far and few between.
April 12, 2021
Kayla Stoecklein seemed to have it all - a loving husband who was the head pastor of their church, three boys, and a lovely home. But, when her husband started suffering from debilitating depression and anxiety her whole world changed. She tried everything she could to help her husband, but she was also trying to parent their children and run their household as well. After taking a leave of absence from their church, her husband tried to rest and reset. But, shortly after starting the process of coming back into his role at their church he died by suicide. Kayla was shocked and destroyed. She was a widow at age 29 with three children. But, with her family and her faith Kayla survived her husband's death and worked to create a new path for herself and her children.
Mental health and suicide are seldom discussed in the Church. That is one of the main reasons Kayla wanted to tell her story. Christians aren't immune from these issues, but often Christians don't know what to do when someone is really struggling in these areas. Some Christians think suicide means a person can't go to heaven so that makes it an even more taboo topic - especially for someone who is struggling in that area to talk about. While, I think these are important issues for the Church to address, I didn't think this book did a great job of it. Kayla didn't really talk about HOW churches can help address these topics/areas better. I also felt like her husband's issues didn't suddenly pop up, it seemed like it had been going on for probably their whole relationship, but got to the point where he couldn't hide it anymore. She did talk about the things she realized in hind sight she could have done better. And I liked that she included a chapter at the end called "Find Hope" with resources for people struggling with mental illness or suicidal thoughts. Overall, I don't want to be critical of her story but I didn't find this book to be very helpful. Maybe it's more helpful for someone who lost a family member to suicide or to someone who is currently struggling.
Mental health and suicide are seldom discussed in the Church. That is one of the main reasons Kayla wanted to tell her story. Christians aren't immune from these issues, but often Christians don't know what to do when someone is really struggling in these areas. Some Christians think suicide means a person can't go to heaven so that makes it an even more taboo topic - especially for someone who is struggling in that area to talk about. While, I think these are important issues for the Church to address, I didn't think this book did a great job of it. Kayla didn't really talk about HOW churches can help address these topics/areas better. I also felt like her husband's issues didn't suddenly pop up, it seemed like it had been going on for probably their whole relationship, but got to the point where he couldn't hide it anymore. She did talk about the things she realized in hind sight she could have done better. And I liked that she included a chapter at the end called "Find Hope" with resources for people struggling with mental illness or suicidal thoughts. Overall, I don't want to be critical of her story but I didn't find this book to be very helpful. Maybe it's more helpful for someone who lost a family member to suicide or to someone who is currently struggling.
June 5, 2021
3.25 Kayla has endured the unthinkable...the loss of her husband, Andrew to suicide. Her story is gripping and heartbreaking and her strength and faith are amazing. The book fell short for me because It began as her story and then would frequently diverge into a “How to recognize depression and suicidal tendencies” book. I think 2 books; one of her story and another on mental health would have been preferable to me.
April 22, 2021
This is a struggle to read. To be honest - I couldn’t finish it. Having grown up in the church, reading this was every reason why we feel as though we can’t discuss situations. Fear of how we will be perceived. Depression is a chronic illness. Kayla is very brave to tell her story. I will leave my review at that.
September 23, 2020
This is a must read!
Both my wife and I just finished this book. As pastors we deal constantly with people battling with everything from anxiety, fear, depression and the list goes on. For too many years subjects such as mental illness and suicide were not spoke about. In short, many wonderful folks struggling felt they couldn’t share what they were experiencing due to the response they may or may not get from other followers of Jesus. The fear...they might be labeled.
The struggle is real and there are people we do life with every day that need someone to listen, someone to pray with them and someone who will love them right where they are.
Kayla’s book and story is a great tool for all. Even if you aren’t experiencing the things she shared in this book, there are folks who are. So, I encourage you to read it and if you know someone who can benefit from this book...purchase a copy and put it in their hands.
Both my wife and I just finished this book. As pastors we deal constantly with people battling with everything from anxiety, fear, depression and the list goes on. For too many years subjects such as mental illness and suicide were not spoke about. In short, many wonderful folks struggling felt they couldn’t share what they were experiencing due to the response they may or may not get from other followers of Jesus. The fear...they might be labeled.
The struggle is real and there are people we do life with every day that need someone to listen, someone to pray with them and someone who will love them right where they are.
Kayla’s book and story is a great tool for all. Even if you aren’t experiencing the things she shared in this book, there are folks who are. So, I encourage you to read it and if you know someone who can benefit from this book...purchase a copy and put it in their hands.
October 3, 2020
Very real, made me cry a lot, helped me see metal illness in a different light.
January 9, 2022
An incredibly hard subject but grateful for Kayla’s honesty and vulnerability about her story. She lets us in to see the raw, hard, and most painful parts of her life and at the same time points to the hope we all have in Jesus even in the midst of fear.
November 3, 2021
A hard read but topics we need to talk about more. Grateful to the author for starting the conversation.
September 5, 2020
How do I start this review? This might be the hardest review I've left, but the most heartfelt too.
Fear Gone Wild has touched me to the core. As I read Andrew and Kayla's story, I felt like I have relived a lot of things I've walked through as a wife to a husband who has depression, panic attacks and even been diagnosed with panic disorder and severe depression. The idea of hope being out there has touched my heart, but fear has ruled a lot of my life, watching my husband suffer from everything Kayla's sweet Andrew suffered from.
Just earlier this year, a mere 2 months ago, my husband attempted suicide. He ended up in the hospital, and somehow we got a miracle and he's alive today. But my story could've been the same as Kayla's.
This book is written for anyone who has walked through this, might be going through it someday, and everyone who needs to understand suicide, depression, panic attacks and every other mental illness isn't something chosen. It' chooses its victim.
This book is for anyone who wants to understand more about suicide, depression, panic attacks, anxiety attacks and other mental health issues. It's for those who want to understand how isolating it is...how one feels so alone, and like they can't talk to anyone about what is going on in the privacy of their own home. It gives guidance to the church on how to step up and be better when it comes to meeting the needs of a family who is walking through this very dark valley.
I highly suggest this book for any person who wants to understand all this, or to feel a little less alone about walking through this horrible, traumatic issue surrounding suicide, depression, panic and anxiety.
Fear Gone Wild has touched me to the core. As I read Andrew and Kayla's story, I felt like I have relived a lot of things I've walked through as a wife to a husband who has depression, panic attacks and even been diagnosed with panic disorder and severe depression. The idea of hope being out there has touched my heart, but fear has ruled a lot of my life, watching my husband suffer from everything Kayla's sweet Andrew suffered from.
Just earlier this year, a mere 2 months ago, my husband attempted suicide. He ended up in the hospital, and somehow we got a miracle and he's alive today. But my story could've been the same as Kayla's.
This book is written for anyone who has walked through this, might be going through it someday, and everyone who needs to understand suicide, depression, panic attacks and every other mental illness isn't something chosen. It' chooses its victim.
This book is for anyone who wants to understand more about suicide, depression, panic attacks, anxiety attacks and other mental health issues. It's for those who want to understand how isolating it is...how one feels so alone, and like they can't talk to anyone about what is going on in the privacy of their own home. It gives guidance to the church on how to step up and be better when it comes to meeting the needs of a family who is walking through this very dark valley.
I highly suggest this book for any person who wants to understand all this, or to feel a little less alone about walking through this horrible, traumatic issue surrounding suicide, depression, panic and anxiety.
July 8, 2023
What an amazing read! Highly recommend for those who have had mental health issues, know someone with mental health issues or lost someone due to mental health issues! Such a well written book!
June 8, 2024
Raw and real. Kayla’s story is a precious gift to not only the church, but the world. Highly recommended if mental health, suicide prevention, or moving forward after tragedy are themes of interest to you.
Read
November 13, 2020An uplifting, short read on the presence of God through life-altering pain. Through the story of her husband's suicide, Kayla underlines important truths about relating to mental health in the church and preserving the mental health of pastors.
January 5, 2021
This is a difficult book to review.
Fear Gone Wild reads like part self-help, part memoir of a tragic story about mental illness, struggle, suicide, and hope. I appreciate Kayla sharing her story with the world as I believe it will give hope to others. As someone who is currently in ministry, I found myself relating to many of the struggles that her former husband faced. Kayla starts from the beginning of their relationship to the day of Andrew's suicide and I couldn't help but feel the sadness growing as Andrew's mental health spiraled downward. Kayla does not shy away from her initial reactions to Andrew's situation but offers reflection showcasing how she has grown, learned, and shares some helpful tips for those who love those wrestling with mental illness.
Which, I must say, made the book a bit confusing to read. The first few chapters appeared to flow in a style that was retelling of their past followed up with tips to help people understand mental illness. As the pages turned, the book became more of a memoir detailing the moments of the Stoecklein's life. As the book neared the end, it became reflections of how Kayla learned to lean on God. None of it is inherently bad or jarring; it just left me confused as to what the book necessarily aimed to accomplish.
The book sparked some valuable conversations between my wife and I. For that, I'm grateful as I think that it will do the same for others in ministry. Especially for those who are new to mental health and are trying to come to grips with their own battles.
Keep this in mind: Fear Gone Wild is not an easy read. There are times where the book is tragic. Just be forewarned before diving in.
It feels weird to say that I enjoyed a book like this. However, I think there's some valuable insight to be gleaned from a book like this. Most important of all, I appreciate Kayla's consistent directing to God and the hope and love found there.
Fear Gone Wild reads like part self-help, part memoir of a tragic story about mental illness, struggle, suicide, and hope. I appreciate Kayla sharing her story with the world as I believe it will give hope to others. As someone who is currently in ministry, I found myself relating to many of the struggles that her former husband faced. Kayla starts from the beginning of their relationship to the day of Andrew's suicide and I couldn't help but feel the sadness growing as Andrew's mental health spiraled downward. Kayla does not shy away from her initial reactions to Andrew's situation but offers reflection showcasing how she has grown, learned, and shares some helpful tips for those who love those wrestling with mental illness.
Which, I must say, made the book a bit confusing to read. The first few chapters appeared to flow in a style that was retelling of their past followed up with tips to help people understand mental illness. As the pages turned, the book became more of a memoir detailing the moments of the Stoecklein's life. As the book neared the end, it became reflections of how Kayla learned to lean on God. None of it is inherently bad or jarring; it just left me confused as to what the book necessarily aimed to accomplish.
The book sparked some valuable conversations between my wife and I. For that, I'm grateful as I think that it will do the same for others in ministry. Especially for those who are new to mental health and are trying to come to grips with their own battles.
Keep this in mind: Fear Gone Wild is not an easy read. There are times where the book is tragic. Just be forewarned before diving in.
It feels weird to say that I enjoyed a book like this. However, I think there's some valuable insight to be gleaned from a book like this. Most important of all, I appreciate Kayla's consistent directing to God and the hope and love found there.
July 2, 2022
Highlighted Quotes:
“The mind is complex, which makes treating mental illness complicated.”
“A panic attack isn’t just a moment of stress or confusion; it’s a disorder that can strike suddenly, out of the blue. Panic is fear, a fear so intense it triggers severe physical reactions even though there is no real danger or apparent cause. It’s fear gone wild and can only be tamed with treatment, tender care, and time.”
“What’s beautiful about the wilderness, though, is that God would never allow us to navigate such a wild and unruly place alone. He gave us a friend, a trusted companion, the ultimate survival guide, someone who has gone before and knows the way: the Holy Spirit. Even when the wilderness feels painful, foreign, confusing, vast, and empty, it can also be the place where God does some of his best work.”
“Our most hated circumstances do not define us. We are not what has happened to us or within us. Our worth is found in him who sees past all the mess, the chaos, the exterior façade and looks straight at the heart. Even on our worst day he calls us precious, honored, and loved.”
“It doesn’t happen because of a lack of prayer, time spent in the Bible, or faith. …Depression is a real physical illness that needs to be treated with professional help, tender care, empathy, and compassion.”
“Prayer may not always lead to miraculous healing; the healing isn’t up to us. Sometimes God sends supernatural miracles, and sometimes he simply says no or wait. Maybe in the wilderness of waiting for prayers to be answered we’ll be reminded that true faith isn’t about being dazzled by miracles. True faith is about being faithful - no matter the outcome.”
“Self-discovery happens by spending time reflecting on our lives: our ambitions, our goals, our core motivations, our true feelings, our big dreams, without judgment or criticism from others.”
“A higher level of social isolation typically leads to higher levels of loneliness; it’s a slippery slope down a dangerous path. We need each other; we need real authentic relationships with others where we truly feel known.”
“…Having faith is supernatural in itself. To never see God yet believe he’s real. To never experience heaven yet believe it’s waiting for us when we die. To never have witnessed the resurrection of Jesus yet believe it really happened. Faith is trusting the promises of God and believing what he says in his Word is true. If we can acknowledge these supernatural beliefs in the light, then why do we sometimes shy away from believing the darkness?”
“How we respond to temptation determines our destination.”
“Our acceptance into eternity doesn’t hinge on how we die; instead it hinges on our salvation…”
“Even our darkest thoughts will never separate us from the love of God. He is with us in the wilderness, and he is with us as we wrestle with our brokenness.”
“We are all a mess, none of us have it figured out, all of us are broken, and all of us fall short. It’s the mess that brings us together and draws God near. If we weren’t all a mess, we wouldn’t need God.”
“When we realize control is just an illusion, we can let go, sit back, and let the master artist do his best work. We can allow him to write the script of becoming. We don’t become who we want to become on our own. We only become someone when we realize it was never about us in the first place.”
“I didn’t choose loss, but I did have the opportunity to choose how I would respond. The harsh reality, I learned early on, is loss requires adjusting.”
“Things happen all the time that are beyond the realm of our understanding. As hard as we try to control our lives, the truth is only God has the ultimate power over life and death. I have discovered through my grief and pain that the only way to live is in surrender. To live us Christ, my life fully in his hands.”
“Fear protects us and stops us from making bad decisions. Fear tells us when something isn’t right. Without fear, our lives would be filled with even more problems and pain. From the moment we are born we learn to fear certain things in this world in order to survive. Fear is part of being human. We need fear to survive, but we also need hope—just enough fear to keep us grounded and just enough hope to keep us looking up.”
“To live as Christ, we will share in his suffering, but we will also share in his victory.”
“To be human is to experience it all: the ups and downs, the ebbs and flows, the highs and lows, the scattered in-between. It’s all part of life—wild, broken, beautiful life—and it’s all okay. To feel is to be alive, and to be alive is a gift.”
Overall: 4.2/5
“The mind is complex, which makes treating mental illness complicated.”
“A panic attack isn’t just a moment of stress or confusion; it’s a disorder that can strike suddenly, out of the blue. Panic is fear, a fear so intense it triggers severe physical reactions even though there is no real danger or apparent cause. It’s fear gone wild and can only be tamed with treatment, tender care, and time.”
“What’s beautiful about the wilderness, though, is that God would never allow us to navigate such a wild and unruly place alone. He gave us a friend, a trusted companion, the ultimate survival guide, someone who has gone before and knows the way: the Holy Spirit. Even when the wilderness feels painful, foreign, confusing, vast, and empty, it can also be the place where God does some of his best work.”
“Our most hated circumstances do not define us. We are not what has happened to us or within us. Our worth is found in him who sees past all the mess, the chaos, the exterior façade and looks straight at the heart. Even on our worst day he calls us precious, honored, and loved.”
“It doesn’t happen because of a lack of prayer, time spent in the Bible, or faith. …Depression is a real physical illness that needs to be treated with professional help, tender care, empathy, and compassion.”
“Prayer may not always lead to miraculous healing; the healing isn’t up to us. Sometimes God sends supernatural miracles, and sometimes he simply says no or wait. Maybe in the wilderness of waiting for prayers to be answered we’ll be reminded that true faith isn’t about being dazzled by miracles. True faith is about being faithful - no matter the outcome.”
“Self-discovery happens by spending time reflecting on our lives: our ambitions, our goals, our core motivations, our true feelings, our big dreams, without judgment or criticism from others.”
“A higher level of social isolation typically leads to higher levels of loneliness; it’s a slippery slope down a dangerous path. We need each other; we need real authentic relationships with others where we truly feel known.”
“…Having faith is supernatural in itself. To never see God yet believe he’s real. To never experience heaven yet believe it’s waiting for us when we die. To never have witnessed the resurrection of Jesus yet believe it really happened. Faith is trusting the promises of God and believing what he says in his Word is true. If we can acknowledge these supernatural beliefs in the light, then why do we sometimes shy away from believing the darkness?”
“How we respond to temptation determines our destination.”
“Our acceptance into eternity doesn’t hinge on how we die; instead it hinges on our salvation…”
“Even our darkest thoughts will never separate us from the love of God. He is with us in the wilderness, and he is with us as we wrestle with our brokenness.”
“We are all a mess, none of us have it figured out, all of us are broken, and all of us fall short. It’s the mess that brings us together and draws God near. If we weren’t all a mess, we wouldn’t need God.”
“When we realize control is just an illusion, we can let go, sit back, and let the master artist do his best work. We can allow him to write the script of becoming. We don’t become who we want to become on our own. We only become someone when we realize it was never about us in the first place.”
“I didn’t choose loss, but I did have the opportunity to choose how I would respond. The harsh reality, I learned early on, is loss requires adjusting.”
“Things happen all the time that are beyond the realm of our understanding. As hard as we try to control our lives, the truth is only God has the ultimate power over life and death. I have discovered through my grief and pain that the only way to live is in surrender. To live us Christ, my life fully in his hands.”
“Fear protects us and stops us from making bad decisions. Fear tells us when something isn’t right. Without fear, our lives would be filled with even more problems and pain. From the moment we are born we learn to fear certain things in this world in order to survive. Fear is part of being human. We need fear to survive, but we also need hope—just enough fear to keep us grounded and just enough hope to keep us looking up.”
“To live as Christ, we will share in his suffering, but we will also share in his victory.”
“To be human is to experience it all: the ups and downs, the ebbs and flows, the highs and lows, the scattered in-between. It’s all part of life—wild, broken, beautiful life—and it’s all okay. To feel is to be alive, and to be alive is a gift.”
Overall: 4.2/5
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 8, 2020
This was a fascinating read. A grieving wife who lost her pastor husband to suicide pens a powerful reflection of her short life with Andrew and especially the years he battled intensely with depression and panic attacks. Kayla writes vulnerably; she shares her own struggles with Andrew's illness, his passing and her picking up her new life with their 3 young sons. It's raw, confronting and also inspiring.
It's actually quite a page turner. For a new author, Kayla's writing flows easily and we get to see first hand Andrew's extreme panic attacks and their impact on her. Clearly, she is unable to share his mind with us, even though she shares what she can. We have to see it through her eyes which at times is truly heartbreaking.
But it's the second half of the book that perhaps grabbed me the most. This is the grieving widow trying to take one step at a time to both make sense of what's happened and her uncertain future. And she keeps coming back to Jesus. 'God's Got This' is the title of the last chapter and we see a woman unsure of what the future holds but whose relationship with God has grown deeper and stronger in this extreme wilderness season. She doesn't know what the future holds but God does and for now that is enough for this very brave woman.
Yes, this is a book about loss, grief and mental health but it's also about any wilderness season and learning to yield more of one's life to the God who loves us madly even though we don't always receive the answers we desire.
A very worthy read.
I received an early ebook version from Thomas Nelson via NetGalley with no expectations of a favourable review.
It's actually quite a page turner. For a new author, Kayla's writing flows easily and we get to see first hand Andrew's extreme panic attacks and their impact on her. Clearly, she is unable to share his mind with us, even though she shares what she can. We have to see it through her eyes which at times is truly heartbreaking.
But it's the second half of the book that perhaps grabbed me the most. This is the grieving widow trying to take one step at a time to both make sense of what's happened and her uncertain future. And she keeps coming back to Jesus. 'God's Got This' is the title of the last chapter and we see a woman unsure of what the future holds but whose relationship with God has grown deeper and stronger in this extreme wilderness season. She doesn't know what the future holds but God does and for now that is enough for this very brave woman.
Yes, this is a book about loss, grief and mental health but it's also about any wilderness season and learning to yield more of one's life to the God who loves us madly even though we don't always receive the answers we desire.
A very worthy read.
I received an early ebook version from Thomas Nelson via NetGalley with no expectations of a favourable review.
February 21, 2021
I came across Kayla’s instagram account after hearing her tell her story in a podcast. After reading her blog and seeing her posts, I grew in awe of her courage, strength and resilience.
This book came out early September and I remember as soon as I saw it I knew I needed to read it and I knew it would be life changing.
As soon as it hit the shelves I went out and bought my copy.
Well it has taken me 5 months to get around to reading it - not because I was too busy or not interested enough (i actually carried the book everywhere with me in anticipation of opening it up) but I just never felt ready. Until grief struck me. I think God prevented me from reading it until after I lost a loved one just so it would mean more.
This book is amazing. Not only does kayla share her story but she also encourages, teaches and corrects.
I recommend everyone who read this book as it gives an insight into leadership, grief and most of all mental health and the effects it has no only of the individual but everyone around them too.
This book came out early September and I remember as soon as I saw it I knew I needed to read it and I knew it would be life changing.
As soon as it hit the shelves I went out and bought my copy.
Well it has taken me 5 months to get around to reading it - not because I was too busy or not interested enough (i actually carried the book everywhere with me in anticipation of opening it up) but I just never felt ready. Until grief struck me. I think God prevented me from reading it until after I lost a loved one just so it would mean more.
This book is amazing. Not only does kayla share her story but she also encourages, teaches and corrects.
I recommend everyone who read this book as it gives an insight into leadership, grief and most of all mental health and the effects it has no only of the individual but everyone around them too.
July 17, 2021
I’m shocked by the number of low ratings there are for this book. ‘Fear Gone Wild’ was never meant to a clinical or even spiritual teaching on mental illness, but a compelling depiction of the raw and personal story of Kayla’s experience and her late husband, Andrew. I understand that some medical terms may not have been correctly used, but, as she acknowledges multiple times in the book, she was never really equipped to understand the nature of mental health and the extent of mental illnesses. Rather, Kayla stunningly describes her personal revelations and emotions as she underwent this extremely tragic and heartbreaking loss. I love how she doesn’t assume to have all the answers, nor does she try and justify the outcome of this unfortunate loss. Rather, she merely shares her story with such vulnerability in the hope of showing others that there is life after loss. It won’t by easy by any means, and every day may feel like a marathon. But we can rest in the hope that we are not alone.
October 26, 2023
This book is about a pastor who suffers with mental illness and dies by suicide. His wife tells the story of their life before, during and after. It's not so much his exact story but it's help, information, and what his wife Kayla learned from this experience and the fact many people struggle with mental illness and suicidal thoughts as well. Through Andrew's struggles and unfortunate death, he saved lives because many others came forward saying that depression and mental illness were in fact real, however they were too ashamed to admit it;especially being a pastor. Andrew's story helped them come forward and do what they needed to do to get help.
I also just love some of the comparisons and advice given in this book. An example is isolation VS solitude. One is lonely to get away from the world and the other is taking time to recharge and better yourself. It's important to know the difference for your mental health. This is just one of many examples.
I'd definitely recommend this book!
I also just love some of the comparisons and advice given in this book. An example is isolation VS solitude. One is lonely to get away from the world and the other is taking time to recharge and better yourself. It's important to know the difference for your mental health. This is just one of many examples.
I'd definitely recommend this book!
August 7, 2020
I would highly recommend “Fear Gone Wild”. I read this book in a day and I found myself needing to pause, sit and reflect on everything I was learning and processing. I cried and I smiled and I felt like I was sharing a cup of coffee with the author as I read her words.
A true and vulnerable and raw reality of what it looks like to walk alongside a partner diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression. I am new to understanding what Anxiety is and what Depression is (I have so much to learn) and I felt that Stoecklein did a beautiful, powerful and caring job when engaging in the educational aspect of these illnesses, all while sharing her personal experience of her partner dying by suicide.
This book is really for everyone. I would recommend this book to those who are religious and non-religious. I am so thankful for Stoecklein’s raw perspective and for inviting the rest of the world into she and her family’s reality.
A true and vulnerable and raw reality of what it looks like to walk alongside a partner diagnosed with Anxiety and Depression. I am new to understanding what Anxiety is and what Depression is (I have so much to learn) and I felt that Stoecklein did a beautiful, powerful and caring job when engaging in the educational aspect of these illnesses, all while sharing her personal experience of her partner dying by suicide.
This book is really for everyone. I would recommend this book to those who are religious and non-religious. I am so thankful for Stoecklein’s raw perspective and for inviting the rest of the world into she and her family’s reality.
Read
September 1, 2023As someone who has experienced traumatic grief and loss, I really struggled with this book. Having lost a family friend to suicide recently, I would also not recommend to any friends. I feel badly saying this, but I wish she had waited to mature in her grief and in age. It felt too soon. The evangelical Christian platitudes like “I still have pain but I am confident God is using my pain for his purpose, he is using my story for his glory…” just hit terribly wrong. I’ve been there and things change as you heal and process. Not a book for me, and various reasons for that. I guess I was looking for more meat, more about their story and Andrew’s anxiety and depression, but again, because it was written so early, I feel she needed to skip some things because she wasn’t ready to examine them and instead filled with basic scripture references and platitudes instead of questions. Who knows, not me, but these are the thoughts swirling around.
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