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What You Become in Flight
A lyrical and meditative memoir on the damage we inflict in the pursuit of perfection, the pain of losing our dreams, and the power of letting go of both.
With a promising career in classical ballet ahead of her, Ellen O'Connell Whittet was devastated when a misstep in rehearsal caused a career-ending injury. Ballet was the love of her life. She lived for her moments under the glare of the stage-lights--gliding through the air, pretending however fleetingly to effortlessly defy gravity.
Yet with a debilitating injury forcing her to reconsider her future, she also began to reconsider what she had taken for granted in her past. Beneath every perfect arabesque was a foot, disfigured by pointe shoes, stuffed--taped and bleeding--into a pink, silk slipper. Behind her ballerina's body was a young girl starving herself into a fragile collection of limbs. Within her love of ballet was a hatred of herself for struggling to achieve the perfection it demanded of her.
In this raw and redemptive debut memoir, Ellen O'Connell Whittet explores the silent suffering of the ballerina--and finds it emblematic of the violence that women quietly shoulder every day. For O'Connell Whittet, letting go of one meant confronting the other--only then was it possible to truly take flight.
With a promising career in classical ballet ahead of her, Ellen O'Connell Whittet was devastated when a misstep in rehearsal caused a career-ending injury. Ballet was the love of her life. She lived for her moments under the glare of the stage-lights--gliding through the air, pretending however fleetingly to effortlessly defy gravity.
Yet with a debilitating injury forcing her to reconsider her future, she also began to reconsider what she had taken for granted in her past. Beneath every perfect arabesque was a foot, disfigured by pointe shoes, stuffed--taped and bleeding--into a pink, silk slipper. Behind her ballerina's body was a young girl starving herself into a fragile collection of limbs. Within her love of ballet was a hatred of herself for struggling to achieve the perfection it demanded of her.
In this raw and redemptive debut memoir, Ellen O'Connell Whittet explores the silent suffering of the ballerina--and finds it emblematic of the violence that women quietly shoulder every day. For O'Connell Whittet, letting go of one meant confronting the other--only then was it possible to truly take flight.
240 pages, Paperback
First published April 14, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 65 reviews
March 15, 2020
This book is absolutely gorgeous—a dance in itself. It’s fierce, poetic, self-reflective and a story not just for dancers, but for anyone who has a body, and a complex relationship with it. I love this book, and highly recommend it.
February 12, 2020
Women are often identified by their bodies - but it's when our bodies betray us that we find out we are so much more. Who we are is a dimension somewhere between our body and our expectation; our body and our desire; our body and what we know we are capable of despite its failings. Ellen O'Connell Whitett manages to share a universal story of how young women transform from solely identifying with the corporeal to women who understand that our bodies are taken from us, time and again, and yet we find the strength to hold onto ourselves. We find a way through grief and defeat, and more grief and more defeat - and when we thought our body could not possibly, ever again bring us joy - it does.
I am not a dancer, but I do understand what it's like to push myself too hard and tie my body's ability with my worth. O'Connell Whittet provides a roadmap for women who are in rediscovery. Her poetic prose and her storytelling is so relatable. Her story's unfolding felt like a warm embrace. I felt seen by her and I know others will too.
I am not a dancer, but I do understand what it's like to push myself too hard and tie my body's ability with my worth. O'Connell Whittet provides a roadmap for women who are in rediscovery. Her poetic prose and her storytelling is so relatable. Her story's unfolding felt like a warm embrace. I felt seen by her and I know others will too.
April 18, 2020
Beginning with a girls' ballet class, the author shares her vulnerability by discussing dance injuries, anorexia, snake phobia, and deaths by terminal illness and violence. It is a story of how she made her way through her own mental traps and learned to support her own physical health.
Early on, “I learned through my injury," the author tells us, "that making art requires more of me than I was prepared to consent to." She gradually left ballet and became a writer. Writing, she learned, is a way “to inscribe my life with permanence when I know my body is as fleeting as dancing.” She also found a way to eat, after which "the mental space" she had once "devote[d] to counting calories" could be redirected into writing this book.
The ballet beginning shapes an uncommon frame to some thought processes that are more universal experiences. The memoir bears lessons for us about how we can all learn to accept ourselves more graciously.
Early on, “I learned through my injury," the author tells us, "that making art requires more of me than I was prepared to consent to." She gradually left ballet and became a writer. Writing, she learned, is a way “to inscribe my life with permanence when I know my body is as fleeting as dancing.” She also found a way to eat, after which "the mental space" she had once "devote[d] to counting calories" could be redirected into writing this book.
The ballet beginning shapes an uncommon frame to some thought processes that are more universal experiences. The memoir bears lessons for us about how we can all learn to accept ourselves more graciously.
January 22, 2023
This started out as a 5 star read. Ballet, the body in pain, social images of the body, and literature? Perfect book for me. But then in the middle, writing about the idea of pain became, well, painfully repetitive, forgetting the idea that less is more. And then we get to New Hampshire where things get muddled in her vulnerability, as if using it to (again) drive home the point of standing up again (but wait, didn't we resolve that earlier, how strong and resilient you are, because that's what ballet taught you?). I know it's not completely linear, just as healing is not. I loved this point but I got annoyed at the circuitous way it was presented, and how instead of being inspirational, became tiring instead. This needed a stronger and better editor. It also rubbed me the wrong way when she kept referring to herself as a writer (to counterbalance her being a dancer and to tell the world she's more than that when she stopped dancing), as well as the strangeness of stressing that they weren't rich enough but she was able to attend the best ballet schools, go to France, graduate school, (I only read about her career in the end), etc. Even Sylvia Plath was obsessed about getting published for the money, and finding teaching positions and scholarships. I'm sure there's a story behind all that but it wasn't mentioned so that was a huge gap and contradiction for me. All in all, this felt like a creative writing exercise, producing patches of work that were all forced into a publishable novel. It should have ended in ballet. The whole snake phobia, the PTSD felt forced and completely out of place.
April 11, 2020
Gorgeous. A memoir about ballet, writing, and most of all how we can only fly once we’ve faced our fears wholeheartedly, bodily.
April 10, 2020
A beautiful memoir.
April 19, 2020
OK, so here is another book that I thought would be one thing and it turned out to be another. I loved this book and the author so much I've started following her on Instagram (best wedding dress ever). Yes, a lot of the book revolved around her life in the world of dance, specifically ballet, but the family backstory and her journey to where she is today made for fascinating reading.
As someone who took up ballet at age 20, like Zelda Fitzgerald and Lucia Joyce who she mentions, I could relate to a lot of the issues that occur in the ballet world. I don't want to write any spoilers but I was happy as to the path she ended up taking and is on in her life.
Maybe it was the Portsmouth, NH and Boston Ballet connection that resonated with me, but in any case I couldn't put the book down.
As someone who took up ballet at age 20, like Zelda Fitzgerald and Lucia Joyce who she mentions, I could relate to a lot of the issues that occur in the ballet world. I don't want to write any spoilers but I was happy as to the path she ended up taking and is on in her life.
Maybe it was the Portsmouth, NH and Boston Ballet connection that resonated with me, but in any case I couldn't put the book down.
April 22, 2020
If you like ballet you will love this book. If you don’t like ballet you will love this book. In What You Become In Flight, author Ellen O’Connell Whittet frames her early and formative experiences of love and becoming within the rigid structure provided by classical ballet. She literally breaks out of these bonds with a life-altering injury. This memoir is full of brave beauty and raw truths. Most striking is O’Connell Whittet’s ability to write about her most personal intimate moments in a way that envelopes the reader so that you feel as if these are your moments too and are moved by them the way only a classical ballet dancer knows how to move. It is a gift that O’Connell Whittet has translated the movement of ballet into the written word and shared it with us. I could not put this book down and am eagerly awaiting the next brilliant thing to come from this author.
April 29, 2020
I got this from my local bookstore, and I had really high hopes about it because of the description. But, I didn't think it delivered. There's something about the prose that takes itself WAY too seriously... like, the writer spent too long in writing school. So many of the sentences are labored and the writing tries to hard to sound "like a writer." I appreciated the parts about dance, at times, but once we got into her relationship with her husband I wanted to DNF this, but I also don't think it's fair to review something you haven't finished plus I kept hoping for a strong ending. The snake thing wasn't written in a way that made sense to me. Anyway, I don't really recommend this one because it's just trying too hard to be deep. I prefer other memoirs with honest voices.
April 30, 2020
Admittedly, this book did not quite meet my expectations -- the structure was slightly confusing and hard to follow at times. However, I do admire the author's voice and bravery for telling her story. She made many profound statements; it completely altered my perception of ballet.
March 24, 2024
flowing between 3.5 and 4 stars
I really liked most of What You Become in Flight, which a pen friend recommended to me because 1) she knows that I had professional ballet dreams and 2) her daughter and the author were friends.
Having loved ballet and never having fully recovered from not being able to pursue a dance career, her ballet stories hit me hard.
The stories about her aunt and mother were beautiful, but I was emotionally overwhelmed -- too close to a recent family death, I suspect.
The last section, related to a local mass shooting and he own run-in with a disturbed student, was difficult. For me, it felt a bit out of place, but I understand why those stories are included.
My one complaint is the non-linear flow. While I prefer more linear memoirs, I cannot deny the beauty and the power of the writing. Hilary Huber's narration is wonderful as well.
I really liked most of What You Become in Flight, which a pen friend recommended to me because 1) she knows that I had professional ballet dreams and 2) her daughter and the author were friends.
Having loved ballet and never having fully recovered from not being able to pursue a dance career, her ballet stories hit me hard.
The stories about her aunt and mother were beautiful, but I was emotionally overwhelmed -- too close to a recent family death, I suspect.
The last section, related to a local mass shooting and he own run-in with a disturbed student, was difficult. For me, it felt a bit out of place, but I understand why those stories are included.
My one complaint is the non-linear flow. While I prefer more linear memoirs, I cannot deny the beauty and the power of the writing. Hilary Huber's narration is wonderful as well.
July 3, 2020
When I picked up What You Become in Flight, Ellen O’Connell Whittet’s gorgeous memoir of her previous life as a ballet dancer, I expected a story rooted in traditional, delicate femininity. Instead, I found a thoughtful, poetic reflection on feminism.
As I delved into Whittet’s story, the theme that emerged made perfect sense to both ballet and feminism: women do not control their own bodies.
Read my full review on Brevity's Nonfiction Blog: https://brevity.wordpress.com/2020/07...
As I delved into Whittet’s story, the theme that emerged made perfect sense to both ballet and feminism: women do not control their own bodies.
Read my full review on Brevity's Nonfiction Blog: https://brevity.wordpress.com/2020/07...
May 28, 2020
Wow. Wow, wow, wow.
May 22, 2020
A stunning memoir about a life that began in ballet. Even when you stop dancing, ballet never leaves you.
April 21, 2021
A beautiful memoir that is on the surface about ballet and what it means to grow up in a culture that reveres dance, but is so much more than that. It is a story about the violence that is inflicted on girls’ and women’s bodies in the name of dance, about trauma and rape and identity.
May 2, 2020
As it happens, this memoirist and I have a lot in common--at the top of the list is the fact that we both studied ballet seriously and were injured at 19 and stopped. We both have since become writers, if in different genres. I adored the parts of this book dealing with dance and its effects on the body, as well as the parts dealing with the dance world and its effects on body image, etc. I would have loved more insights into the history of dance and choreographers and their place at the top of the heap in the dance world: Balanchine, Martins--men we know know as having had an enormous impact on the lives (and bodies) of female ballet dancers who barely got out alive (Gelsey Kirkland on the top of that list). I loved the section on Martha Graham, queen of modern dance, and her dancers, like Merce Cunningham, and would have liked to know more about Whittet's study of modern dance, which she's kept up. I felt like the sections on Whittet's personal life and relationships, along with violence enacted on women (from an assault on the author to a shooting at the campus where the other teaches) were less successful. I have read off-the-book essays by the author I think would have tied more materially to the ballet/body subject of the book--including one piece on Whittet's Catholic upbringing (something else we share). I will be sharing this mostly very successful memoir with my ballet and dance fan friends.
May 8, 2020
This memoir was so beautifully written I couldn’t read more than a paragraph before running for a pen to underline and bracket and write about in the margins. It was so poignant and deeply moving that I had to take little breaks from reading it, to regain my balance, to think about the important truths it brings to life. But even the painful parts move along with a buoyancy that you don’t expect. Beautiful, beautiful book.
April 23, 2020
Tore through this book in two days.
As a former dancer myself, I can say the author beautifully articulates the precise alchemy of ballet. WYBIF carefully teases out the standards and contradictions that inhabit a dancers life, while leaving room for the reader to reflect on these realities in her own—dancer or not.
What You Become In Flight is a compelling read and not to be missed.
As a former dancer myself, I can say the author beautifully articulates the precise alchemy of ballet. WYBIF carefully teases out the standards and contradictions that inhabit a dancers life, while leaving room for the reader to reflect on these realities in her own—dancer or not.
What You Become In Flight is a compelling read and not to be missed.
June 24, 2020
This is Ellen's memoir of growing up as a ballerina and that being her life until it breaks her and she has to become something else while overcoming some fears and pain.
This book was recommended by Chanel Miller and so I put a hold on it and immediately forgot about it until it became available through the library. I forgot what the book was about and just started reading the novel. For about half of the book I didn't realize it was a memoir. I even commented to my husband that the book I'm reading is written like a memoir, but it's not. I eventually looked to see if it was non-fiction and it was and then it made more sense to me and it was a little bit more enjoyable. What she details about being a ballerina is horrifying, but it is stuff that I've heard before (some from friends that were ballerinas). The things that they put their bodies through is intense. She also discusses sexual assault and eating disorders in here. The description of the book in Goodreads states, "A lyrical and meditative memoir..." which I found to be a very accurate description of how the novel was written. At times this style of writing was a slog for me and just didn't flow like other memoirs do. I told my husband that this book felt more literary to me and those don't always flow as well or get me as invested. I thought that it was beautiful writing.
I would give it 3.5 stars
This book was recommended by Chanel Miller and so I put a hold on it and immediately forgot about it until it became available through the library. I forgot what the book was about and just started reading the novel. For about half of the book I didn't realize it was a memoir. I even commented to my husband that the book I'm reading is written like a memoir, but it's not. I eventually looked to see if it was non-fiction and it was and then it made more sense to me and it was a little bit more enjoyable. What she details about being a ballerina is horrifying, but it is stuff that I've heard before (some from friends that were ballerinas). The things that they put their bodies through is intense. She also discusses sexual assault and eating disorders in here. The description of the book in Goodreads states, "A lyrical and meditative memoir..." which I found to be a very accurate description of how the novel was written. At times this style of writing was a slog for me and just didn't flow like other memoirs do. I told my husband that this book felt more literary to me and those don't always flow as well or get me as invested. I thought that it was beautiful writing.
I would give it 3.5 stars
November 20, 2023
I like to read biographies of dancers. I realize that ballet in this book is just a small part. What I most enjoyed was the writing. Ellen is an amazing writer! Her choice of words was more like poetry than a story, invoking deep forgotten thoughts and feelings. When a writer can do this with words I am transported and blown away by this skill. Ballet is not something most women share but living with the fear of being attacked by a man is ever-present and mutually defining. So sad we must live with the thought constantly in the back of our minds. I know I have stories of violence from men and I know this is common for all women.
I cheered when Ellen overcame her extreme fear of snakes. What a huge accomplishment! I hope she learns to not fear the genetic potential of her body. Genetics is a suggestion, it is what you choose, and a day-to-day basis as far as food goes, household products, and avoiding all unnecessary potential toxins that makes your destiny. Eat organic, mostly meat. Nurture your health, enjoy love and warm sunshine, get good rest, and take care of yourself. Your body is not a ticking time bomb. Avoid shots and medications. Live in health and gratitude, not fear.
I cheered when Ellen overcame her extreme fear of snakes. What a huge accomplishment! I hope she learns to not fear the genetic potential of her body. Genetics is a suggestion, it is what you choose, and a day-to-day basis as far as food goes, household products, and avoiding all unnecessary potential toxins that makes your destiny. Eat organic, mostly meat. Nurture your health, enjoy love and warm sunshine, get good rest, and take care of yourself. Your body is not a ticking time bomb. Avoid shots and medications. Live in health and gratitude, not fear.
May 2, 2020
This was a very enjoyable, relatively quick memoir. I learned about ballet, but more importantly ballet is the lens through which O'Connell Whittet comes to grip with her life. She learns to subject her body to extreme pain, hunger, and to relinquish control to her choreographers or male dance partners. Women are expected to submit to their audience, both on stage and life beyond. Drawing from her ballet upbringing, the author struggles how to reclaim her vitality after she is severely injured during rehearsal, and soon after, sexually assaulted.
Writing is the outlet throughout the author comes to realize she can reclaim herself and her body. Certainly, this power of writing shines throughout. Her prose is almost poetic, a pleasure to read, and subtly insightful. I constantly found myself wanting to share excerpts.
Overall, this is one I'd recommend, especially if you're looking for off-the-beaten path kind of memoir. Probably my favorite I've read in the genre since Trick Mirror.
Writing is the outlet throughout the author comes to realize she can reclaim herself and her body. Certainly, this power of writing shines throughout. Her prose is almost poetic, a pleasure to read, and subtly insightful. I constantly found myself wanting to share excerpts.
Overall, this is one I'd recommend, especially if you're looking for off-the-beaten path kind of memoir. Probably my favorite I've read in the genre since Trick Mirror.
July 7, 2022
What You Become in Flight, written by Ellen O'Connell Whittet is an inspiring tale of Ellen's life. It describes the ups and downs that she has gone through throughout her life, including a tragic injury that took away her ability to do what she loves most. In the story, she describes in detail the situations in her life that took place to make her into the person that she is today.
As a former dancer myself, I was able to relate to many of the things that she talked about. She was able to touch my heart through this book in a way that many books simply do not have the power to do. There was not anything that I disliked about this book. I will mention that this book may not be suitable for all readers, especially those triggered by eating disorders, sexual assault, and phobias. Otherwise, I would highly recommend this book especially to those who have a love for dance, those who have gone through an injury, and those who enjoy a touching story. I know this book touched my heart, and I'm sure if you read it, it will touch yours, too.
April 14, 2020
I must say that writing a memoir at the age of 33 is definitely presumptuous especially when you haven't had anything that interesting happen to you. I was shocked by how self absorbed the writer is. They truly act like they are some kind of hero and should be really admired for all they have "overcome." Gimme a damn break. There are people with real problems out there. This book is gross honestly. It is the perfect description of what is wrong with Millennials. They think EVERYTHING they do and EVERYTHING they have gone through is important and means something. Get a grip author. Go overcome some actual adversity in life and get back to us. I am tired of privileged white people writing these types of books. OVER IT and over this book.
April 18, 2020
While I loved the two opening quotes for this book and felt excited by the premise (I used to dance), it was a disappointment for me. There was something slightly off for me... slightly... not as honest as I hope for in a memoir?
Beyond the fact that the author comes from so much privilege (something she can't help), there was something that struck me as a little gross in terms of the way she describes other people... especially the character who has extreme anorexia. A lot of this book was about other people rather than the author herself, and the element of dance wasn't present as much as I wanted it to be. There's also an air of "I'M A WRITER" to the prose... like, it takes itself too seriously? I think some light humor at times would have helped me get through this one better. I prefer memoirs where the narrator really feels honest and lets the reader in. This wasn't that.
Sadly, I can't recommend this one.
Beyond the fact that the author comes from so much privilege (something she can't help), there was something that struck me as a little gross in terms of the way she describes other people... especially the character who has extreme anorexia. A lot of this book was about other people rather than the author herself, and the element of dance wasn't present as much as I wanted it to be. There's also an air of "I'M A WRITER" to the prose... like, it takes itself too seriously? I think some light humor at times would have helped me get through this one better. I prefer memoirs where the narrator really feels honest and lets the reader in. This wasn't that.
Sadly, I can't recommend this one.
January 1, 2021
I read this book as being primarily the author's attempt to define her relationship with her own body. Everything relates back to her body, to the point that at the end of each section I found myself wondering "how is she going to find a way to mention her body this time?" Somehow, she always does. I felt like I was reading her diary, full of overwritten thoughts trying to connect to one another but never quite making it. Unfortunately, being a ballerina, studying abroad, and being afraid of snakes isn't really enough to warrant an entire memoir, and in trying to be about everything this book ended up feeling like it was about nothing. Overall, this was an exhausting read that I suspect was cathartic for the author, but that I wouldn't recommend.
February 16, 2021
Somehow both hit and miss for me. Whittet's story is of an almost ballet career: she trained her body to do near-impossible feats and ignore pain and ignore hunger, and her professional dreams seemed a possibility—and then her body said enough, and old injuries plus a new injury put paid to that dream.
In many ways Whittet's story is the norm for dancers: most ballet students, even really good dancers, do not make careers out of dance. And yet it's the story that doesn't get told, because when do you read a dance memoir of somebody who didn't 'make it'? I guess that's now, and I'm glad of the different take.
The book continues through other body-focussed material, some of which relates to dance in some way or another and some of which really doesn't: cancer and sexual assault and a debilitating fear of snakes. That latter material ended up feeling more scattered to me—making points connected to the ballet material, but much farther-ranging than I would have preferred. Still, I like this sense of a book built on the premise of an almost.
In many ways Whittet's story is the norm for dancers: most ballet students, even really good dancers, do not make careers out of dance. And yet it's the story that doesn't get told, because when do you read a dance memoir of somebody who didn't 'make it'? I guess that's now, and I'm glad of the different take.
The book continues through other body-focussed material, some of which relates to dance in some way or another and some of which really doesn't: cancer and sexual assault and a debilitating fear of snakes. That latter material ended up feeling more scattered to me—making points connected to the ballet material, but much farther-ranging than I would have preferred. Still, I like this sense of a book built on the premise of an almost.
January 16, 2023
Yeah, this isn't a ballet memoir, contrary to what the cover and blurb say. This is more of a coming-of-age memoir and unfortunately, the author has not had enough life experience to make this an interesting read. She covers her years of ballet training, studying abroad in France, her snake-phobia and her relationship with her family. There is some interesting material in pieces she presents - it just feels incredibly repedative because the material so so scarse.
Additionally, Ellen O'Connell Whittet does the incredibly annoying thing of pulling quotes directly from far more interesting people and memoirs. Considering how short this book is, it felt like she was padding, using the words of other people to supplement her book.
Additionally, Ellen O'Connell Whittet does the incredibly annoying thing of pulling quotes directly from far more interesting people and memoirs. Considering how short this book is, it felt like she was padding, using the words of other people to supplement her book.
October 24, 2022
This is such a beautiful memoir. I read it in one day and really enjoyed the smart writing and lovely prose. It's about ballet, but it's really about autonomy and the body and the way society understands women's pain. The author weaves research and history into her personal narrative in a way that is both compelling and smooth, so I felt I had enough context and facts to appreciate the larger discourse while staying focused on her life. Recommending this book to former athletes is a given but I'd recommend it to anyone. It does have a CW for eating disorders, sexual violence, and gun violence.
April 24, 2020
As a retired dancer I was drawn to this book. I really enjoyed the discussions about getting started in ballet, and the love and traumas of ballet for a pre-professional and collegiate dancer. There are many passages I highlighted that I thought were lovely to remember both about life, and about ballet. I did think it went on a bit longer than necessary, and there were multiple locations I thought where it could have ended. Overall, I enjoyed as I felt a kinship to my start and end within ballet similarly to the author.
July 27, 2020
A wonderful complex trip through women's bodies, ballet, arachnophobia, creativity, and more. Whittet probes beyond "the pain of ballet" to a rich tapestry of feminist insight and human emotion. When so contemporary memoirs are predictable coming-of-age, surviving victimhood, etc., Whittet is fearless about diving deep, exposing her complexity. The writing rings true as well, often poetic yet never unclear. Her students are fortunate to have her as a mentor, for she both knows her craft and and appreciation for life's challenges.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 65 reviews