The First Move: Breaking the Rules in Modern Romance

by Emily Brooks

Young successful women want the Prince Harry and Meghan Markle kind of love. Not the Prince William and Kate kind. But these women are stuck between a rock and a hard place. They are told they must push harder than men to achieve what they want in their careers, but when it comes to dating, they are told to take the back seat. They must be chased. They can't chase. Chasing turns men off. And when educated, ambitious young women struggle to date, this outdated notion is the only answer they have to lean on. They are confused and frustrated, and now they are looking to make the first move because nothing else is working.

The First Move is an insightful critique of our culture of dating in a fourth-wave feminist era, by a young journalist who's lived it. Emily Brooks offers advice for young women seeking truly equal relationships and ignites a conversation long overdue: when will it be OK for a women to make the first move?

Genres: Nonfiction, Feminism

280 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2020

Reviews

[Mae Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the most empowering book I've ever read! Haha.
Picked up in the library after flicking open to the section about having a "F*ck Off Fund"- both financial and emotional resources (3-6 months savings and an average of 5 close friends) to allow women to thrive in relationships (with men) knowing that they will never be unable to escape a terrible situation unsupported.
I knew this would be my kind of book!
Brooks gives advice on relationships for hetrosexual women in the 21st century (to make the first move, if you want, but only the first move, why you should aim to split the bill on dates, and how to set boundaries and maintain your independence for a healthy relationship), but more than that, advice on friendships and careers and how to have "self worth". She also discusses the historical and social factors which influence the way the world is or has been for women, and some general history of feminism which I appreciated as it showed how much progress has been made (also, I like the acknowledgement that the world was the way it was for such a long time for biological, economic and social reasons which meant women relied on men for survival, and not just because Men Suck)
This is a quick read and written in a straight forward manner I really enjoyed. I'm no dating expert by any means, but I thought the advice seemed sensible and I liked reading a vastly different perspective on dating and fulfillment as a woman to what I grew up with.

"The greatest gift we can give ourselves, though, is our choices in this life. We decide what we invest in. We chose how we spend our time and navigate our lives"

[Brooke · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the author says herself: ‘This book is structured around finding self-worth and emotional independence as much as it is a book about finding love. It is about rising above the patriarchal socialisation that encourages women to view ourselves in relation to man and prevents us, instead, from finding fulfilment in ourselves; and respecting ourselves enough to find and build and demand a love that allows us to reach our full potential’ (pp. 229-230).

There is not much more I can say other than READ IT. It is the only book related to lovelife self-help that I think could be beneficial to society, rather than other books that just encourage women to have sex with whoever they want how much they want in order to ‘empower’ themselves.

I really loved Brooks’ balance of official studies coupled with real or fictional stories to illustrate her points and found so much wisdom in her words (which translated into a whole bunch of notes on my phone). Her writing was so easy and entertaining to read and I would happily read her work again.

[Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every woman should read this book! Although some reviews mention that it may include information you’ve already heard, which is true, it definitely included information that was new to me, and that I wish I’d been exposed to earlier. Emily Brooks is a likeable writer, and I’d say this book is easy to read and digestible due to points being repeated so they sink in (as they should be in a book of this context).

[Emma Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m giving this to all of my friends. It sounds like a book on dating or for single girls, but actually is more a lesson in feminism and living your best life; whether in a relationship or not. I shouted ‘hell yeah’ at least 50 times and photographed half of the pages. Bravo 👏🏻

[Kree Reynolds · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really puts dating and love in perspective for strong independent women

[Jacinta Stokes]

Amazing!!!

[Tamzen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am definitely not the target market for this book. I read it because it is a bookclub read. I acknowledge that once I read the blurb, I started reading with a bad attitude. It didn't get better. It seems ironic that young women are wasting their time reading books like this. There are so many better things they could be reading, or doing. I am sure no late twenties guy is reading things like this to help him find the right girl for teammate love. Why two stars? It is a very quick read.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a good reminder of where to place your priorities as a young woman. Helped me reset my perspective and remember my ambitions I had when I was a teenager. Here's to letting go of the guilt and shame we feel when we don't meet the expectations of society. I will be recommending this book to all my friends.

[Alison Passat · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this as a friend’s friend wrote it. It doesn’t reveal anything groundbreaking but it’s well written, has clever examples and stories, and is really positive, cheerful and empowering. Yay!

[Karisma · Rating 5 out of 5]

An empowering book about self love and self worth! A highly recommended read for all women 🙌

[Mikaela Silberbach · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVED. Every women should read - highly highly recommend

[Amie · Rating 2 out of 5]

No tell us Emily, what IS big dick energy?

I jest. This book has messages which are worth reading if you haven't absorbed them elsewhere already: Seeking out love yourself will filter out the kind of partner who insists you be a passive object, which is a good thing, and if you haven't found someone, being single is actually kind of good.

Otherwise, it's ok but it's filtered through a prism of 'find someone to build your empire with', that is, love and companionship as an accessory to what life is really about: the acquisition of money and status. It's supposed to be uplifting but it hits a bit of a false note I guess.