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The Secret of Half-Arsed Parenting: Raising kids with half the guilt and twice the joy
Half-Arsed Parenting is all about doing half as much but making everyone twice as happy. It offers a way to raise kids with less pressure, less guilt, less stress and fewer cupcakes baked at midnight.
It's not about doing a bad job. it's about recognising that parents don't have to be perfect. Near enough is good enough. It's okay that your child's first word was Shrek rather than Mumma. No one cares as much as you about the way you're bringing up your kids, which means it's okay to fake it till you make it. If you don't make it, no one will notice, I promise.
It's also about ignoring all the social media fakers who make us feel bad. These include celebrities who spend their days posting inspirational phrases like, "Be the best you (#glow, #bless)", but they've only managed to get out of bed due to a generous slug of vodka in their kale green goddess breakfast smoothie. I am not green nor a goddess. I once tried to drink water with hot lemon and it looked like a giant cup of wee.
It's not about doing a bad job. it's about recognising that parents don't have to be perfect. Near enough is good enough. It's okay that your child's first word was Shrek rather than Mumma. No one cares as much as you about the way you're bringing up your kids, which means it's okay to fake it till you make it. If you don't make it, no one will notice, I promise.
It's also about ignoring all the social media fakers who make us feel bad. These include celebrities who spend their days posting inspirational phrases like, "Be the best you (#glow, #bless)", but they've only managed to get out of bed due to a generous slug of vodka in their kale green goddess breakfast smoothie. I am not green nor a goddess. I once tried to drink water with hot lemon and it looked like a giant cup of wee.
- GenresNonfictionParenting
280 pages, Paperback
Published September 1, 2020
12 people are currently reading
111 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
February 9, 2021
An eye catching cover but don’t be fooled as full of generalisations and sometimes silly ones, but particularly annoying are false claims on what schools do today...”minefields of political correctness” says the author. I’ve spent decades teaching (now retired still volunteering) & have a good understanding of what happens in many schools...and families (I’m a parent of 2 sons; plus an engaged grandmother to 3). Some of Susie O’Brien’s claims could also be very divisive & cause misunderstandings between teachers and parents. The author sounded like someone a shock jock would interview on the radio...on checking her bio, surprise surprise - she appears on 7’s Sunrise program. She was even critical of children “acting out emotions”...to help them recognise their emotions - I remember my students loving role-play and drama activities & also learning so much from it. The goal of the book could have been a good one if based less on misunderstandings & ridicule, and more on evidence based research with some engaging interviews with parents (or something similar) eg funny stories where trying to be the perfect parent backfired. Most parents have a few of those.
May 7, 2021
A little disappointed in this book. I thought it would be more about validating the decisions that 'half-arsed' parents make but I felt it was more about putting down other parents who choose to do things differently.
May 28, 2021
"An older lady I work with told me about her eight-year-old grandson who didn’t want her to buy him any clothes anymore because they weren’t ‘cool enough’. Buying Spiderman and other superhero T-shirts gave her a lot of pleasure, but her grandson cried all the way home when he was forced to wear one in public."
I had to stop reading when I reached this part. This is supposed to be an example of an entitled brat but to me it sounds like a lack of empathy. Perhaps none of his peers wear superhero shirts and he doesn't want to be teased for being childish? Why not go shopping for clothes together? If Grandma gets her rocks off on superhero shirts, why doesn't she buy them for herself?
To top it off, the writing is so repetitive, it feels like the phrase "half-arsed" appears at least once per minute. I really wanted to like this book but couldn't get through it.
I had to stop reading when I reached this part. This is supposed to be an example of an entitled brat but to me it sounds like a lack of empathy. Perhaps none of his peers wear superhero shirts and he doesn't want to be teased for being childish? Why not go shopping for clothes together? If Grandma gets her rocks off on superhero shirts, why doesn't she buy them for herself?
To top it off, the writing is so repetitive, it feels like the phrase "half-arsed" appears at least once per minute. I really wanted to like this book but couldn't get through it.
February 24, 2021
DNF. I read the introduction and my face was scrunched up in a confused look. I then scanned a couple of chapters and started laughing at the absurd generalisations.
"It wasn't like that when I was young" is basically the tone of this book. It's very outdated 'validating' advice of how modern day parents are expected to do too much.
Granted, parenting IS a lot different today than it was 30 years ago, but not every thing is bad - apparently being more environmentally conscious by not using clingwrap for school lunches, and avoiding peanut butter at school is too much of an inconvenience.
Really, that's just a "half-arsed" way of saying you don't care about your children's future, or the world we live in.
If that's the introduction, my time is wasted reading the rest.
1 star, purely for the delicious looking toastie on the front cover.
"It wasn't like that when I was young" is basically the tone of this book. It's very outdated 'validating' advice of how modern day parents are expected to do too much.
Granted, parenting IS a lot different today than it was 30 years ago, but not every thing is bad - apparently being more environmentally conscious by not using clingwrap for school lunches, and avoiding peanut butter at school is too much of an inconvenience.
Really, that's just a "half-arsed" way of saying you don't care about your children's future, or the world we live in.
If that's the introduction, my time is wasted reading the rest.
1 star, purely for the delicious looking toastie on the front cover.
August 2, 2021
It’s shocking to me that this book was actually published… it’s just full of anecdotes about parenting (some second hand from B-movies and Facebook 😳and personal stories from the authors viewpoint) with very little of value to parents who want to make positive changes. It was like one opening chapter that never ended with no substance. It actually was sort of entertaining in a train wreck way, but in no way was it a parenting book. I am giving it 2 stars for entertainment and 1 for parenting.
December 9, 2021
The continual reference to "half arsed parenting" became grating. For the second half of the book, it didn't even seem like it was about parenting but more about comparing yourself to others on social media / influencers. So I guess the secret is to not to aspire to be perfect and live your life the way you want to live it (which honestly is apt advice outside of parenting)
Did not enjoy the snarkiness.
Did not enjoy the snarkiness.
Want to read
February 16, 2022Ffs gotta be an Aussie joker
March 18, 2024
I listen to the audio book of this, and while some bits really resonated and other bits were comical, there was also some stereotyping and judgments on other parents, which didn’t sit right in a book preaching being judgment free of yourself and other parents.
March 12, 2021
I’m Susie O'Brien's mother, so this review won’t be impartial, but I don’t think that matters. I loved Susie's book and I’d like to explain why.
I’m clearly not the intended audience, but I found a detailed, thoughtful and often hilarious picture of how a parent a generation on from me approaches the difficulties and challenges as well as the joys of modern parenting.
Susie's views are informed by her upbringing; her deep involvement in the school, sporting and social lives of her three children; her work as a journalist who has researched and reported on many aspects of current child-rearing practices, drawing on both academic research and social media; and, not least, by her wide circle of friends who share their lives as modern parents. Above all, she brings to her subject a mix of humour, practicality and compassion that I find particularly appealing.
Susie draws on very funny recollections of her own childhood, lived in the 70s and 80s, as she explains, in small outback mining towns, and then in suburban Adelaide. She's not the only commentator to draw attention to the comparative freedom of children in earlier decades. It wasn’t perfect of course, and Susie doesn’t pretend it was. She points out for example that many modern restrictions from seat belts to concerns about bodily integrity have improved safety and happiness for everyone.
Susie's main concern with life today is the intensification of child-rearing: the division of children's lives into an increasing number of segments, each of which needs to be overseen by parents (mothers, mostly, society being the way it is). Her argument, drawing on her observations of everyday life, academic research and her acquaintance with parenting blogs, is that many parents today feel guilty that they are failing to maintain the required control over their children's lives. Her counter to this is that parents should let go of the guilt, reject impossibly high standards and instead focus on the enjoyment to be had from bringing up children.
It’s her humour, her refusal to take herself or anyone else too seriously, her requirement that child rearing be as satisfying as possible for parents and children, that I find so enjoyable. She might seem flippant and overly critical of current preoccupations but there is always a serious purpose. For example, you don’t have to agree with all her criticisms of current schooling to find plenty to ponder.
The second half goes beyond fault-finding to suggesting “How-tos” and “Half-arsed solutions”. For example, Susie ruthlessly exposes the pretensions of social media performers and suggests that half-arsed mothers get on with life, pleasing themselves, enjoying their children, doing their best and being realistic about what is possible. There are lots of anecdotes from parents who have done their best to avoid impossible expectations, and advice from researchers who emphasise the value of talking with children, of spending relaxed time with them, rather than over-scheduling their lives.
These paragraph headings give an idea of Susie's approach: Embrace the mess ... Vegemite pasta and other half-arsed dinners .... Let them play .... Let them get bored. Sooooo bored.
This is a very funny book about a serious topic. There are hilarious anecdotes, witty take-downs of social media personalities, reminders about movies and social media sites where mothers and fathers fail to take themselves seriously, reassurances that to be less than perfect is unlikely to be fatal. There could be a lot that some readers won’t agree with, but I found it a warm, loving, clear-eyed view of the world parents inhabit; as Susie says, ...”have a laugh, keep it real and don't judge others too harshly.”
I’m clearly not the intended audience, but I found a detailed, thoughtful and often hilarious picture of how a parent a generation on from me approaches the difficulties and challenges as well as the joys of modern parenting.
Susie's views are informed by her upbringing; her deep involvement in the school, sporting and social lives of her three children; her work as a journalist who has researched and reported on many aspects of current child-rearing practices, drawing on both academic research and social media; and, not least, by her wide circle of friends who share their lives as modern parents. Above all, she brings to her subject a mix of humour, practicality and compassion that I find particularly appealing.
Susie draws on very funny recollections of her own childhood, lived in the 70s and 80s, as she explains, in small outback mining towns, and then in suburban Adelaide. She's not the only commentator to draw attention to the comparative freedom of children in earlier decades. It wasn’t perfect of course, and Susie doesn’t pretend it was. She points out for example that many modern restrictions from seat belts to concerns about bodily integrity have improved safety and happiness for everyone.
Susie's main concern with life today is the intensification of child-rearing: the division of children's lives into an increasing number of segments, each of which needs to be overseen by parents (mothers, mostly, society being the way it is). Her argument, drawing on her observations of everyday life, academic research and her acquaintance with parenting blogs, is that many parents today feel guilty that they are failing to maintain the required control over their children's lives. Her counter to this is that parents should let go of the guilt, reject impossibly high standards and instead focus on the enjoyment to be had from bringing up children.
It’s her humour, her refusal to take herself or anyone else too seriously, her requirement that child rearing be as satisfying as possible for parents and children, that I find so enjoyable. She might seem flippant and overly critical of current preoccupations but there is always a serious purpose. For example, you don’t have to agree with all her criticisms of current schooling to find plenty to ponder.
The second half goes beyond fault-finding to suggesting “How-tos” and “Half-arsed solutions”. For example, Susie ruthlessly exposes the pretensions of social media performers and suggests that half-arsed mothers get on with life, pleasing themselves, enjoying their children, doing their best and being realistic about what is possible. There are lots of anecdotes from parents who have done their best to avoid impossible expectations, and advice from researchers who emphasise the value of talking with children, of spending relaxed time with them, rather than over-scheduling their lives.
These paragraph headings give an idea of Susie's approach: Embrace the mess ... Vegemite pasta and other half-arsed dinners .... Let them play .... Let them get bored. Sooooo bored.
This is a very funny book about a serious topic. There are hilarious anecdotes, witty take-downs of social media personalities, reminders about movies and social media sites where mothers and fathers fail to take themselves seriously, reassurances that to be less than perfect is unlikely to be fatal. There could be a lot that some readers won’t agree with, but I found it a warm, loving, clear-eyed view of the world parents inhabit; as Susie says, ...”have a laugh, keep it real and don't judge others too harshly.”
May 20, 2022
This book lost me at the rant regarding a family who interrupted the author and her friends day drinking on holiday. In her opinion it was unreasonable that a family play noisily in a pool together. For someone who is all about no judgement, this was really hypocritical.
Key Takeaway seems to be don't let your good intentions lead to raising your kids incompetent and entitled, and driving yourself crazy with unrealistic expectations.
Key Takeaway seems to be don't let your good intentions lead to raising your kids incompetent and entitled, and driving yourself crazy with unrealistic expectations.
February 22, 2021
I LOVED this book. It made me feel like I am actually an ok parent ! I found it quiet nostalgic and reminded my of my childhood Clear memories surfaced - ones that I never thought we even there !
I have bought a few more books for my friends. I think our parents got some things right - as we all do.
I have bought a few more books for my friends. I think our parents got some things right - as we all do.
April 5, 2021
Omg to any mother, father or parent out there this book is a must its funny and so relatable. I couldn't put this down. I wish I had a half-arsed mummy friend I could relate to. This book is definitely on my reread once a year list.
February 2, 2022
Haven't read it, never will. Do you really want to take parenting advice from someone who advocates for keeping parents from their hospitalised sick kids? This lady is an absolute disgrace to parents.
February 20, 2023
So refreshing to read a book denouncing the rise of the helicopter parent, where parents micromanaging the smallest details of their children's lives are called out for doing this. We are not doing our children any favours when we let our lives revolve around them. Perhaps not so much a parenting book as a tongue-in-cheek wake-up call.
November 25, 2021
It was like the author climbed into my life as a parent.
February 20, 2023
I don't think this is the parental style I'll be going with but I like the attitude of letting children learn things for themselves, raising independent thinkers and not overdoing it on helicopter parenting.
Part of the book felt like it was belittling parents who meet their children's emotional needs and actively participate in their children's lives. Some of it even seemed to go past "half-arsed" parenting to full-arsed parenting.
Part of the book felt like it was belittling parents who meet their children's emotional needs and actively participate in their children's lives. Some of it even seemed to go past "half-arsed" parenting to full-arsed parenting.
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews