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Born Again This Way: Coming out, coming to faith, and what comes next
As a Christian who experiences same-sex attraction, is it possible to live a life that's faithful and fulfiling? Rachel Gilson wants to show you that it is. Living as a Christian with same-sex attraction is not just a case of limping to the finish line—it's possible to run the race with joy.
In this powerful and personal book, she describes her own unexpected journey of coming out and coming to faith... and what came next. As she does so, she addresses many of the questions that Christians living with same-sex attraction are wrestling with: Am I consigned to a life of loneliness? How do I navigate my friendships? Will my desires ever change? Is there some greater purpose to all this? What comes next, and next, and next?
Drawing on insights from the Bible and the experiences of others, Born Again This Way provides assurance and encouragement for Christians with same-sex attraction, and paints a compelling picture of discipleship for every believer. Whatever your sexuality, this book is an inspiring testimony of how a life submitted to Jesus will be fulfilling and fruitful—but not always in the ways we might expect.
In this powerful and personal book, she describes her own unexpected journey of coming out and coming to faith... and what came next. As she does so, she addresses many of the questions that Christians living with same-sex attraction are wrestling with: Am I consigned to a life of loneliness? How do I navigate my friendships? Will my desires ever change? Is there some greater purpose to all this? What comes next, and next, and next?
Drawing on insights from the Bible and the experiences of others, Born Again This Way provides assurance and encouragement for Christians with same-sex attraction, and paints a compelling picture of discipleship for every believer. Whatever your sexuality, this book is an inspiring testimony of how a life submitted to Jesus will be fulfilling and fruitful—but not always in the ways we might expect.
163 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 1, 2020
153 people are currently reading
2249 people want to read
About the author
Rachel Gilson
6 books45 followersRachel serves on the leadership team of Theological Development and Culture with Cru. Her writing has appeared in Christianity Today and for Desiring God and The Gospel Coalition, and she regularly speaks at churches and on college campuses. Rachel holds a Master of Divinity from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary, and lives in the Boston area with her husband and daughter.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 263 reviews
February 3, 2020
A note before beginning:
Books focused around same-sex attraction and relationships are a favorite of mine to read. As someone who has been in same-sex relationships and has struggled with SSA (same-sex attraction), I've enjoyed reading the wealth of resources that have been coming out recently (no pun).
This also means that my degree of sensitivity, especially regarding a book's tone and nuance, is strong.
Which is why I want to champion this book.
SUMMARY
This book is part testimony, part encouragement to those who are same-sex attracted, and part instruction to the church as a whole regarding this issue.
Not to compare, but I found myself often thinking that it's a better-executed version of Jackie Hill Perry's book, Gay Girl, Good God: The Story of Who I Was and Who God Has Always Been. While Perry's book was good, I had some challenges with it. However, none of those challenges were present in Gilson's book.
I think it is also wise to quote Sam Allberry's foreword:
He's right. There is nothing gratuitous or voyeuristic about this book. However, Gilson talks very frankly and honestly about sex and sexual things. Just a note.
THE GOOD
Can I shout out how good this book is?! I have never highlighted and quoted a book as much as this one. (I had entire pages highlighted!) Let me share a couple of my favorite quotes:
Most impressive are the chapters that talk about a very-little-talked-about scenario: How do same-sex attracted people mesh into a local church in a growing way? Also, how can a opposite-sex attracted person marry a same-sex attracted person? These chapters were glorious.
I adored how deeply sensitive the author is about creating false hope through her stories and examples. It's such a gospel-centered book that the gospel isn't just explicitly or intentionally shown. It also works on you sub-consciously as you read.
But my favorite chapter of all was Chapter 2 where Gilson gives the best (!) summary of the creation account and how it applies to our sexuality. I've read a lot of these sections before, and Gilson's was far the best of them. Even for those who are opposite-sex attracted, this chapter will speak to you and is worth the cost of the book alone.
This book is so good that I will be giving my children as they become pre-teens. How deftly she handles sexuality, attraction, and gender with such honestly and realism make this a perfect book after the "birds and the bees" talk. Her work as a college minister shines through this book. I never felt like I was reading a young adult book, but it can definitely be one. And that's a huge compliment.
THE CHALLENGES
By the end of the book, I only had one (very) small issue. It is one that I don't think could've been fixed. While this book is not a "women's interest" book, due to her testimony and others, it focused a lot on lesbianism. While there are examples from SSA-men, the emotion and mental struggle from those stories don't hit as well as the female stories and experiences. Mind you, I struggle with male-SSA, so this might just be a small issue for me, only. Yet I was seriously encouraged and challenged reading this.
CONCLUSION
If I could have my way, I would bundle this book with Sam Allberry's 7 Myths about Singleness book and give them to every Christian I could. There is some deeply helpful material in this book that will encourage you for years.
That's due to Gilson's utter dependency on the gospel. This book drips it.
Five stars.
Books focused around same-sex attraction and relationships are a favorite of mine to read. As someone who has been in same-sex relationships and has struggled with SSA (same-sex attraction), I've enjoyed reading the wealth of resources that have been coming out recently (no pun).
This also means that my degree of sensitivity, especially regarding a book's tone and nuance, is strong.
Which is why I want to champion this book.
SUMMARY
This book is part testimony, part encouragement to those who are same-sex attracted, and part instruction to the church as a whole regarding this issue.
Not to compare, but I found myself often thinking that it's a better-executed version of Jackie Hill Perry's book, Gay Girl, Good God: The Story of Who I Was and Who God Has Always Been. While Perry's book was good, I had some challenges with it. However, none of those challenges were present in Gilson's book.
I think it is also wise to quote Sam Allberry's foreword:
"Rachel writes with honesty—at times searing, painful honesty—and yet there is nothing gratuitous or voyeuristic going on here. Rachel is simply helping us deal with real-life issues that too often go unaddressed.
He's right. There is nothing gratuitous or voyeuristic about this book. However, Gilson talks very frankly and honestly about sex and sexual things. Just a note.
THE GOOD
Can I shout out how good this book is?! I have never highlighted and quoted a book as much as this one. (I had entire pages highlighted!) Let me share a couple of my favorite quotes:
"Marriage is not promised or preferred. It can’t make you straight nor prove that you’re committed. It’s not the prize for faithfulness, nor the source. Jesus Christ is the prize. The Holy Spirit is the source. God is our Father, our husband, our friend."
"[Non-Christians] chase hook-ups and cohabitation, and we click our tongues. Yet we chase sex and romance too, but we just cover it with a Christian veneer. So we get the pleasure of feeling morally superior as we trot about looking for “the one”: that starry-eyed soul-mate spouse who will complete us."
"Femaleness and maleness are key components of being human, and therefore of bearing God’s image in the world; this is an extraordinary privilege. Thus the first blessing of sexuality comes through being sexed at all."
Most impressive are the chapters that talk about a very-little-talked-about scenario: How do same-sex attracted people mesh into a local church in a growing way? Also, how can a opposite-sex attracted person marry a same-sex attracted person? These chapters were glorious.
I adored how deeply sensitive the author is about creating false hope through her stories and examples. It's such a gospel-centered book that the gospel isn't just explicitly or intentionally shown. It also works on you sub-consciously as you read.
But my favorite chapter of all was Chapter 2 where Gilson gives the best (!) summary of the creation account and how it applies to our sexuality. I've read a lot of these sections before, and Gilson's was far the best of them. Even for those who are opposite-sex attracted, this chapter will speak to you and is worth the cost of the book alone.
This book is so good that I will be giving my children as they become pre-teens. How deftly she handles sexuality, attraction, and gender with such honestly and realism make this a perfect book after the "birds and the bees" talk. Her work as a college minister shines through this book. I never felt like I was reading a young adult book, but it can definitely be one. And that's a huge compliment.
THE CHALLENGES
By the end of the book, I only had one (very) small issue. It is one that I don't think could've been fixed. While this book is not a "women's interest" book, due to her testimony and others, it focused a lot on lesbianism. While there are examples from SSA-men, the emotion and mental struggle from those stories don't hit as well as the female stories and experiences. Mind you, I struggle with male-SSA, so this might just be a small issue for me, only. Yet I was seriously encouraged and challenged reading this.
CONCLUSION
If I could have my way, I would bundle this book with Sam Allberry's 7 Myths about Singleness book and give them to every Christian I could. There is some deeply helpful material in this book that will encourage you for years.
That's due to Gilson's utter dependency on the gospel. This book drips it.
Five stars.
May 14, 2020
I cried when I finished this book.
It's really difficult to find words for how good this book is. I wish I had this book when I first realized I wasn't "straight." I was 16. I was so afraid, both of myself and of what people would say if they knew. By people, I mean fellow Christians. I was so confused. I thought that since I was a Christian, I wouldn't deal with things like this. I knew it was wrong, and I was fighting against it. But I was fighting alone. Rachel helped me realize that I am not.
I loved how Rachel seeks to be somewhat comprehensive. This lady does her homework. I ADORED her digging into the Scriptures, both in English and in Greek. I always love it when the original languages can add context and a richer understanding to our interpretation of God's Word. She also reaches out to her friends to add a less niche perspective. Not all of us experience SSA the same way, and I appreciate that she covered that.
She also has an entire chapter dedicated to people who want to help people like me!! This opens up the conversation that Christians can have. It's not just us in our little world. We want to be integrated in with all of God's family, where there are no cliques to isolate ourselves in.
The most impactful part of this book for me is the reassurance found in Christ. I don't have to be ashamed of my sin. I am not a lesser Christian for struggling with these things. I don't have to hide in the dark, for there is light and freedom and hope in the Gospel. I am promised victory through Christ my Saviour, and there is no greater love than his.
I love Rachel's vulnerability, candor, and grace in speaking into this discussion that can be so easily mishandled. I will be rereading this soon.
It's really difficult to find words for how good this book is. I wish I had this book when I first realized I wasn't "straight." I was 16. I was so afraid, both of myself and of what people would say if they knew. By people, I mean fellow Christians. I was so confused. I thought that since I was a Christian, I wouldn't deal with things like this. I knew it was wrong, and I was fighting against it. But I was fighting alone. Rachel helped me realize that I am not.
I loved how Rachel seeks to be somewhat comprehensive. This lady does her homework. I ADORED her digging into the Scriptures, both in English and in Greek. I always love it when the original languages can add context and a richer understanding to our interpretation of God's Word. She also reaches out to her friends to add a less niche perspective. Not all of us experience SSA the same way, and I appreciate that she covered that.
She also has an entire chapter dedicated to people who want to help people like me!! This opens up the conversation that Christians can have. It's not just us in our little world. We want to be integrated in with all of God's family, where there are no cliques to isolate ourselves in.
The most impactful part of this book for me is the reassurance found in Christ. I don't have to be ashamed of my sin. I am not a lesser Christian for struggling with these things. I don't have to hide in the dark, for there is light and freedom and hope in the Gospel. I am promised victory through Christ my Saviour, and there is no greater love than his.
I love Rachel's vulnerability, candor, and grace in speaking into this discussion that can be so easily mishandled. I will be rereading this soon.
May 4, 2020
Well-written, courageous, and inspiring in all the right ways.
April 4, 2020
There is perhaps no bigger social and relational issue in the church right now than LGBTQ+ issues. It is imperative that our churches—pastors and laypeople—be able to define their theology of sexuality and gender identity, appropriately engage with people in the LGBTQ+ community, and lead them to begin or deepen their relationship with Christ.
To that end, I have taken a journey to educate myself. And the way in which I educate myself is by reading books. I’ve read scholarly studies and theological treatises, but I wanted to turn to the writings of those who have same-sex attraction but also believe acting on that to be sinful.
In this review, I don’t want to unpack my own theological position with all its nuances. Suffice it to say that I think if a person with same-sex attraction feels convicted in not acting on that attraction, I believe it is a conviction they should follow.
Born Again This Way is Rachel Gilson’s story of coming out, coming to faith, and figuring out those two things could come together in her life. While the book’s title and subtitle lends itself to memoir, the substance is more a didactic development of her beliefs regarding sexuality. Gilson’s focus in not really on coming out or coming to faith, but discovering how to reconcile her same-sex attraction with her conservative Christian belief that acting on that attraction would be sinful.
In her words: “I was mentally convinced of the what of my sexuality: to say no to same-gender lust and actions. I had no access, however, to the why.” (p. 22)
Born Again This Way is her answer to the “Why?”
The answer from chapter one is “Trust God’s ‘no’ even when you don’t understand why.” This is paired with “Seek to understand why” and I appreciate that. Too often the church’s teaching on sexuality has been “Do it this way. Don’t question it.” Being willing to question the why is a start.
The answer from chapter two comes in the form of God’s design for humanity and relationships, specifically the marriage relationship. Here’s where I don’t quite agree with Gilson. She seems to indicate that procreation should be a prominent part of a Christian marriage and that lacking such would be to lack the fruitfulness metaphor marriage has with the union of Christ and the church. Her theology of singleness is likewise contrived, saying that singleness has dignity because “a truer marriage is coming and they are willing to bet their life on it.”
Chapter three is probably the strongest chapter, in my opinion, because it recognizes that believing one should not act on same-sex attraction does not mean that same-sex attraction goes away. God does not call gay people to become straight, but to subordinate their sexual desires to his desire for holiness.
Chapter four follows this up to talk about how living this public life as a gay woman committed to same-sex celibacy can become a ministry of reminding others to place Christ supreme in their lives—and not their sexuality, their lusts, their desires, or any other thing.
Chapter five is a fairly non-controversial and non-remarkable chapter on same-sex friendships and the other kinds of relationships one can develop outside of a sexual relationship and those can be fulfilling. It sort of mitigates against the lessons of chapter two, which upholds the inviolability of the marriage metaphor, but is, I think, a more accurate assessment than chapter two presents.
Chapter six details her marriage: “In 2007, I married a man. But it wasn’t because I had fallen in love.” This sentence runs so counter to our Western minds (Christian and non-) that I really wish the entire book had been about this experience. Unfortunately, with only a chapter to devote to it, the reader is left with a lot of questions that never really get answered. The idea that marriage is about devotion and commitment—that it is “about love but not necessarily about romance” (p. 96)—is compelling and deserves a more robust discussion.
Chapter seven tells the opposite side of Gilson’s story, which is the story of those called to celibacy as a result of their exclusive same-sex attraction. The final chapters sort of tie all the threads together and end where the book started: human sexuality is to be placed under the authority of Christ.
Born Again This Way is very carefully written to be gentle and compassionate toward those with same-sex attraction. Gilson’s tone is caring and understanding. But at the same time, Gilson just sort of presents her position without much a discussion of the beliefs of those who believe otherwise. Her audience seems to be those who were like her: already convinced that acting on same-sex attraction was sinful, but not sure what that meant for them and their sexuality.
I wish that it would have leaned more toward memoir—life is story, after all—and I’m not necessarily in agreement with all of Gilson’s conclusions. But I do believe that she should live out her convictions all while showing love and grace to those who do not share those convictions. And she succeeds wonderfully here.
To that end, I have taken a journey to educate myself. And the way in which I educate myself is by reading books. I’ve read scholarly studies and theological treatises, but I wanted to turn to the writings of those who have same-sex attraction but also believe acting on that to be sinful.
In this review, I don’t want to unpack my own theological position with all its nuances. Suffice it to say that I think if a person with same-sex attraction feels convicted in not acting on that attraction, I believe it is a conviction they should follow.
Born Again This Way is Rachel Gilson’s story of coming out, coming to faith, and figuring out those two things could come together in her life. While the book’s title and subtitle lends itself to memoir, the substance is more a didactic development of her beliefs regarding sexuality. Gilson’s focus in not really on coming out or coming to faith, but discovering how to reconcile her same-sex attraction with her conservative Christian belief that acting on that attraction would be sinful.
In her words: “I was mentally convinced of the what of my sexuality: to say no to same-gender lust and actions. I had no access, however, to the why.” (p. 22)
Born Again This Way is her answer to the “Why?”
The answer from chapter one is “Trust God’s ‘no’ even when you don’t understand why.” This is paired with “Seek to understand why” and I appreciate that. Too often the church’s teaching on sexuality has been “Do it this way. Don’t question it.” Being willing to question the why is a start.
The answer from chapter two comes in the form of God’s design for humanity and relationships, specifically the marriage relationship. Here’s where I don’t quite agree with Gilson. She seems to indicate that procreation should be a prominent part of a Christian marriage and that lacking such would be to lack the fruitfulness metaphor marriage has with the union of Christ and the church. Her theology of singleness is likewise contrived, saying that singleness has dignity because “a truer marriage is coming and they are willing to bet their life on it.”
Chapter three is probably the strongest chapter, in my opinion, because it recognizes that believing one should not act on same-sex attraction does not mean that same-sex attraction goes away. God does not call gay people to become straight, but to subordinate their sexual desires to his desire for holiness.
Chapter four follows this up to talk about how living this public life as a gay woman committed to same-sex celibacy can become a ministry of reminding others to place Christ supreme in their lives—and not their sexuality, their lusts, their desires, or any other thing.
Chapter five is a fairly non-controversial and non-remarkable chapter on same-sex friendships and the other kinds of relationships one can develop outside of a sexual relationship and those can be fulfilling. It sort of mitigates against the lessons of chapter two, which upholds the inviolability of the marriage metaphor, but is, I think, a more accurate assessment than chapter two presents.
Chapter six details her marriage: “In 2007, I married a man. But it wasn’t because I had fallen in love.” This sentence runs so counter to our Western minds (Christian and non-) that I really wish the entire book had been about this experience. Unfortunately, with only a chapter to devote to it, the reader is left with a lot of questions that never really get answered. The idea that marriage is about devotion and commitment—that it is “about love but not necessarily about romance” (p. 96)—is compelling and deserves a more robust discussion.
Chapter seven tells the opposite side of Gilson’s story, which is the story of those called to celibacy as a result of their exclusive same-sex attraction. The final chapters sort of tie all the threads together and end where the book started: human sexuality is to be placed under the authority of Christ.
Born Again This Way is very carefully written to be gentle and compassionate toward those with same-sex attraction. Gilson’s tone is caring and understanding. But at the same time, Gilson just sort of presents her position without much a discussion of the beliefs of those who believe otherwise. Her audience seems to be those who were like her: already convinced that acting on same-sex attraction was sinful, but not sure what that meant for them and their sexuality.
I wish that it would have leaned more toward memoir—life is story, after all—and I’m not necessarily in agreement with all of Gilson’s conclusions. But I do believe that she should live out her convictions all while showing love and grace to those who do not share those convictions. And she succeeds wonderfully here.
August 21, 2023
The LGBT airwaves are filled with opinions and books are being written from every angle - both conservative and liberal. Rachel Gilson adds her voice in her most recent book, Born Again This Way: Coming Out, Coming to Faith, and What Comes Next. What makes Gilson’s book refreshing is that she approaches the subject with biblical faithfulness and sensitivity. As one who formerly identified in the LGBT community, the author has much to say by way of experience and offers counsel to anyone who needs help with this controversial subject.
The writing in Born Again This Way is conversational in tone, gracious in spirit, and filled with a wealth of counsel that is grounded in sacred Scripture and the Christian worldview. Gilson does not come across as preaching or dogmatic but she makes her points clear from start to finish. She is honest about her struggles and offers hope and grace to anyone who will listen. Her voice is much-needed in a climate that tends to generate more heat than light.
There is no compromise here. Gilson never “sells the ranch” to gain a hearing from the LGBT community. But her style is down to earth and winsome. Such an approach is bound to draw people from all persuasions to join in the conversation.
The writing in Born Again This Way is conversational in tone, gracious in spirit, and filled with a wealth of counsel that is grounded in sacred Scripture and the Christian worldview. Gilson does not come across as preaching or dogmatic but she makes her points clear from start to finish. She is honest about her struggles and offers hope and grace to anyone who will listen. Her voice is much-needed in a climate that tends to generate more heat than light.
There is no compromise here. Gilson never “sells the ranch” to gain a hearing from the LGBT community. But her style is down to earth and winsome. Such an approach is bound to draw people from all persuasions to join in the conversation.
March 7, 2020
Anytime you see a "niche" book...in this case same-sex attraction, it will usually not be widely read. This book deserves to be widely read. We now live in an age where everyone who lives will need to be able to address sexual identity questions. Rachel uses the combination of story (hers and others) with theological depth to provide a rich and compelling testimony for the goodness of God's ways and designs. There are no quick answers and cliched responses...just thoughtful, wise counsel born out of years of walking faithfully with God in community with believers. Well done, Rachel. You've written a book that is culturally relevant and timeless.
July 6, 2020
This was a fantastic read, I heard about Rachel Gilson, on the 'undeceptions' podcast with John Dickson. Needless to say her story sparked my interest. Rachel's gospel saturated and grace filled book was very refreshing. Though aimed at those who are same-sex attracted I think this should be read by everyone who wants to better understand how to engage with same-sex attracted people with true biblical grace. It is a horrific black mark on the church that it often isn't seen as a safe place for 'gay' people. Rachel's story is one of Christians loving a same-sex attracted person well, and a true testimony of the transforming power of the gospel.
January 1, 2022
This book is a true gift to the Church. Same sex attracted Christians like Rachel have so much to teach us about casting off old identities, pursuing obedience, and the sweetness of trusting in Jesus, the Way.
I completed this book as an audiobook. However, I loved it so much that I bought a hard copy to re-read and underline. I'm adding this to the collection of books that I want my children to read before graduating high school.
I completed this book as an audiobook. However, I loved it so much that I bought a hard copy to re-read and underline. I'm adding this to the collection of books that I want my children to read before graduating high school.
December 21, 2023
This was the first book I’d ever read on the topic of homosexuality from a Christian perspective. I felt so seen and known in a way no other book had made me feel. I cried the entire way through.
Gilson’s writing is incredible. She writes with both a great tenderness and a strong biblical foundation. There are some things she expresses things in a better way than I’ve heard before or since, both in terms of putting words to experiences and emotions and to explaining theological concepts and implications.
I’ve been incredibly grateful for this book’s existence, both for the impact it’s had on me personally and for the way it is a blessing for the church at large, no matter your attraction.
Gilson’s writing is incredible. She writes with both a great tenderness and a strong biblical foundation. There are some things she expresses things in a better way than I’ve heard before or since, both in terms of putting words to experiences and emotions and to explaining theological concepts and implications.
I’ve been incredibly grateful for this book’s existence, both for the impact it’s had on me personally and for the way it is a blessing for the church at large, no matter your attraction.
December 25, 2021
Biblical, honest, encouraging, confronting. Great book!
—
Las estrellas dejan mucho qué desear a la hora de evaluar un libro. La manera en que tú interpretas 1, 2, 3, 4 o 5 estrellas probablemente será muy distinta a la manera en que yo interpreto 1, 2, 3, 4 o 5 estrellas.
Aquí va la «traducción» del sistema de estrellas de Ana al español:
⭐️ - Malo
⭐️ ⭐️ - Me costó terminar
⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ - Bueno
⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ - Muy bueno
⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ - Me cambió la vida / No pude soltarlo
Para saber más sobre cómo doy estrellas, puedes escuchar este episodio de mi podcast.
—
Las estrellas dejan mucho qué desear a la hora de evaluar un libro. La manera en que tú interpretas 1, 2, 3, 4 o 5 estrellas probablemente será muy distinta a la manera en que yo interpreto 1, 2, 3, 4 o 5 estrellas.
Aquí va la «traducción» del sistema de estrellas de Ana al español:
⭐️ - Malo
⭐️ ⭐️ - Me costó terminar
⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ - Bueno
⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ - Muy bueno
⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ - Me cambió la vida / No pude soltarlo
Para saber más sobre cómo doy estrellas, puedes escuchar este episodio de mi podcast.
February 19, 2023
Before reading this book, my only exposure to Rachel Gilson was her back-and-forth blog series with Greg Coles on the terms "same-sex attraction" and "gay," which left me a little skeptical of her conclusion, but nonetheless impressed by her grace and theological wisdom. This book only grew my respect for her and her commitment to follow Christ and point others to Him in the midst of confusing and competing desires. While I didn't find it as personally touching as other, more narrative-based Christian sexuality books I've read (Washed and Waiting; Single, Gay, Christian), its level of Bible-saturation made it a refreshingly clear and Christ-centered read.
I thought her exposition of Genesis 2 and its relevance to human sexuality was the best I've read in terms of providing richness, depth, and faithfulness to the text with accessibility and clarity. She provided a spectacular discussion of the theology, faith, and experience of opposite-sex marriage in spite of same-sex attraction (sometimes called "mixed-orientation marriage" by others), which I believe might be the highlight of the book. Also, her elevation of the church family over friendship was an interesting concept I'll want to come back to and consider further.
Like others have said, I would have appreciated more attention/stories/discussion around male same-sex sexuality, but that obviously is not her personal experience. Also, given that many male voices seem to be more well-known in this (admittedly niche) area, hearing a faithful woman's testimony and her Biblical insights was a needed, though different, angle. All in all, I really enjoyed this book (demonstrated by reading it in a single sitting!), and I look forward to a second, deeper reading sometime soon.
I thought her exposition of Genesis 2 and its relevance to human sexuality was the best I've read in terms of providing richness, depth, and faithfulness to the text with accessibility and clarity. She provided a spectacular discussion of the theology, faith, and experience of opposite-sex marriage in spite of same-sex attraction (sometimes called "mixed-orientation marriage" by others), which I believe might be the highlight of the book. Also, her elevation of the church family over friendship was an interesting concept I'll want to come back to and consider further.
Like others have said, I would have appreciated more attention/stories/discussion around male same-sex sexuality, but that obviously is not her personal experience. Also, given that many male voices seem to be more well-known in this (admittedly niche) area, hearing a faithful woman's testimony and her Biblical insights was a needed, though different, angle. All in all, I really enjoyed this book (demonstrated by reading it in a single sitting!), and I look forward to a second, deeper reading sometime soon.
July 22, 2022
i…wow. this was such an incredible read. as someone who is sake sex attracted, i really related to this book. i honestly think everyone should read this, whether they’re same sex attracted or not.
February 18, 2024
First of all, Rachel Gilson’s passion for the Lord is beautiful, wonderful, inspiring, and encouraging. She’s a faithful witness for the God who’s worth more to her than her entire world, and I loved reading her story. It feels humble, too, because it’s not focused on her alone, but overwhelmingly centered on Jesus and on solid biblical theology.
Rachel’s words gleam with intelligence and love, and in that love and insightfulness, she refuses to dumb down anything, sometimes jabbing her finger onto possibly uncomfortable but always necessary topics with unrelenting straightforwardness.
A few highlights:
• We often try to cover our obsessions with sex and romance with a Christian veneer, though we may splutter at the icy realization that we’ve been doing just that. There isn’t “one” who will complete us, in the style of the Greek soulmate. No, the only one who can complete us is Jesus Christ. In this matter-of-fact discussion, Rachel thoroughly debunks the narrative of “salvation by romance” and points to the beauty of a life satisfied in Christ alone.
• I’ve yet to read many explorations of sibling language within the church, but Rachel folds it seamlessly into her book. The value of same-sex friendship, of community, of accountability for sin, of family in the church…how lovely the picture is that Rachel paints. It’s certainly rare, and the search for it can be discouraging. Rachel is honest about that. But she also exhorts us to never stop searching for it, for this community is what the church is called to cultivate, and when you find it, it’s not something to relinquish.
• Authenticity is found only in the flesh, says the culture. But this authenticity is a myth, and when Jesus tears the scales off your eyes, it’s plain that he’s worth more than whatever our tempted bodies drool over.
Towards the end of the book, I did encounter a few things I’m not totally sure about. Mainly, they're things that I felt could be taken the wrong way, and I’m not immediately on board with some of the thoughts on language choices.
As a whole, though, this is a very well-written book, with compelling and convicting phrasing throughout the whole thing. It's valuable for anyone who sins, anyone who wants to walk in holiness, who wants to stand firmly on the truth and gain empathy and wisdom. I loved so much of this book and gleaned so much encouragement and motivation in seeking sanctification. It’s a book about sex and homosexuality, yes, but the author takes it beyond those things to the bigger, broader heart of sin and focuses on holiness and truth. So, while there are a few things to make me sprinkle some grains of salt on it, in my reading and recommendation to others, it’s still a solid entry into this genre.
Rachel’s words gleam with intelligence and love, and in that love and insightfulness, she refuses to dumb down anything, sometimes jabbing her finger onto possibly uncomfortable but always necessary topics with unrelenting straightforwardness.
A few highlights:
• We often try to cover our obsessions with sex and romance with a Christian veneer, though we may splutter at the icy realization that we’ve been doing just that. There isn’t “one” who will complete us, in the style of the Greek soulmate. No, the only one who can complete us is Jesus Christ. In this matter-of-fact discussion, Rachel thoroughly debunks the narrative of “salvation by romance” and points to the beauty of a life satisfied in Christ alone.
• I’ve yet to read many explorations of sibling language within the church, but Rachel folds it seamlessly into her book. The value of same-sex friendship, of community, of accountability for sin, of family in the church…how lovely the picture is that Rachel paints. It’s certainly rare, and the search for it can be discouraging. Rachel is honest about that. But she also exhorts us to never stop searching for it, for this community is what the church is called to cultivate, and when you find it, it’s not something to relinquish.
• Authenticity is found only in the flesh, says the culture. But this authenticity is a myth, and when Jesus tears the scales off your eyes, it’s plain that he’s worth more than whatever our tempted bodies drool over.
Towards the end of the book, I did encounter a few things I’m not totally sure about. Mainly, they're things that I felt could be taken the wrong way, and I’m not immediately on board with some of the thoughts on language choices.
As a whole, though, this is a very well-written book, with compelling and convicting phrasing throughout the whole thing. It's valuable for anyone who sins, anyone who wants to walk in holiness, who wants to stand firmly on the truth and gain empathy and wisdom. I loved so much of this book and gleaned so much encouragement and motivation in seeking sanctification. It’s a book about sex and homosexuality, yes, but the author takes it beyond those things to the bigger, broader heart of sin and focuses on holiness and truth. So, while there are a few things to make me sprinkle some grains of salt on it, in my reading and recommendation to others, it’s still a solid entry into this genre.
April 15, 2020
Some books are important for most everyone to read--this is just such a book. Whether you are same-sex attracted or opposite-sex attracted, this book is for you. What I love about Rachel Gilson's presentation of the issue is that it isn't about what we can't have, but rather, it is all about what we can have with Jesus--where true treasure lies. And, as she points out, your true identity as a Christian is not wrapped up in your sexuality, but rather, it is the identity that comes with the clothing of Christ placed upon you.
Goodreads friends, bump this one up your TBR reading lists!
Goodreads friends, bump this one up your TBR reading lists!
January 18, 2021
Incredible. Rachel writes with such wisdom, grace, and truth. She is thoughtful, eloquent, and biblically centered. This book would be a great encouragement to any follower of Christ, especially those who experience same sex attraction or are looking for ways to understand and encourage brothers and sisters in Christ who experience SSA. I was brought to tears multiple times at the beautiful reminders of Gospel truth woven throughout this book. Highly recommend for any follower of Christ
October 26, 2020
I listened to this on a long drive. Great choice! I think this is the best book I have read on this topic. Chapter 2... rooting the Biblical sexual ethic in creation is clear and important. I appreciated her openness, her willingness to appropriately call out and exhort the church to a Biblical view of sexuality, singleness, and Body life.
Probably 4.5 stars
Probably 4.5 stars
June 24, 2021
Really enjoyed Rachel’s warm and candid storytelling and her solid Biblical exegesis woven throughout. Really helpful for thinking through the Bible’s sexual ethic as a whole, and sheds a lot of light on challenges/encouragements unique to those who identify with SSA. Very accessible and would def. recommend a read!
May 1, 2022
Read this book! Gilson does an amazing job of describing the unconventional conversation of same-sex attraction in Christians through her own testimony and testimony of others. Most importantly, Gilson continually makes the main point of this book Scripturally based. Born Again This Way is an easy read with eternal significance for everyone!
July 12, 2022
I sat under Rachel’s teaching for a Biblical Communication course within our ministry organization. Y’all, she’s hilarious! She loves Jesus and she tells it like it is. Her knowledge of the Word, quick-wit, compassionate heart, and authenticity I saw in her then was culminated beautifully in this book! She’s a great storyteller, and the Lord is using her story in big ways for His glory!
March 24, 2023
Don’t @ me, same-sex attracted Christians are writing some of the best books that the church has right now. Rachel Gilson, Jackie Hill Perry, Rosaria Butterfield, Sam Allberry, Ed Shaw. These men and women I think know in a unique way the cost of following Christ and what it means to pick up your cross and follow him, especially in this culture. This book was great. The culture simply cannot understand the lives of these men and women, and it’s such a testament to the gospel. I’m hopeful our churches can continue to benefit from these books and minister better to men and women who are same-sex attracted.
November 25, 2024
I loved reading this book. Aside from how well written it was the author expresses such a deep understanding for the gospel and for gods character. The first chapter I cried reading about gods intimate love for his people. This books is flooded with truth that isn’t watered down. It’s honest and raw and can give the reader a solid understanding of gods purpose for our lives.
March 9, 2020
I first heard Rachel speak at a women's conference outside Philadelphia in the fall of 2019. She was not one to shamelessly promote her own work, but when I found out that she was writing a book I kept tabs on it and pre-ordered it immediately when it became available. I knew from her engaging style and love for Jesus that it would be worth the time and cost, and I am so happy that I was correct.
There are so many things that could be written, but for the sake of brevity, I will just relate one point that really stuck with me. Rachel hits home the fact that our celibate and faithful SSA brothers and sisters are able to show all of us how beautiful Jesus is and how worthy. When our church culture makes an idol of marriage and the world makes an idol of sexual fulfillment, these brothers and sisters point to a better way, a better love, a better identity. Jesus is worth giving everything up. Eternity with Jesus outweighs any hardship. And these things are hard. Nothing about this book is quick fix or an easy cleaning away of the mess of life. It's hard. But Jesus is better.
This was so freeing to read. My husband and I are both opposite-sex attracted and we've been happily married for a decade. But even then, Rachel's words were profound and freeing to remind us of who we follow, of the marriage feast that awaits. That those parts of myself that I need to surrender are strong, but Jesus is stronger.
This book is for all Christians. It's topic is timely and desperately needed in the church today. It's truths are timeless and for all people in all places. Grateful for this gem.
There are so many things that could be written, but for the sake of brevity, I will just relate one point that really stuck with me. Rachel hits home the fact that our celibate and faithful SSA brothers and sisters are able to show all of us how beautiful Jesus is and how worthy. When our church culture makes an idol of marriage and the world makes an idol of sexual fulfillment, these brothers and sisters point to a better way, a better love, a better identity. Jesus is worth giving everything up. Eternity with Jesus outweighs any hardship. And these things are hard. Nothing about this book is quick fix or an easy cleaning away of the mess of life. It's hard. But Jesus is better.
This was so freeing to read. My husband and I are both opposite-sex attracted and we've been happily married for a decade. But even then, Rachel's words were profound and freeing to remind us of who we follow, of the marriage feast that awaits. That those parts of myself that I need to surrender are strong, but Jesus is stronger.
This book is for all Christians. It's topic is timely and desperately needed in the church today. It's truths are timeless and for all people in all places. Grateful for this gem.
June 16, 2022
Fantastic book. I heard the author interviewed a couple of days ago and she was incredibly helpful and also funny as all get up. Naturally, that made me want to get the book. It's the best Christian book I've read in a while. I feel similar to how I did when I read Ed Shaw's 'The Plausibility Problem' - I'm not quite the intended audience, but even still, it's profoundly encouraging. And helpful. And heart-warming. In a gospel way. Lots of application for my relationship with God, my marriage, and my ministry.
It's also both short and easy.
Highly recommended.
It's also both short and easy.
Highly recommended.
March 24, 2020
Gilson combines theological clarity and pastoral compassion in a book that is a magnanimous as she is in person. There is hard-won wisdom, exegetical argumentation, and nuance in how she approaches same-sex attraction that will prove valuable to those who share her experience or those who wish to understand it better. As one who has read many (too many) books on this subject, let me say that this is one is up there with Ed Shaw's and Wes Hill's in terms of books I'd recommend reading.
December 3, 2020
This is a great book. She writes/speaks (this is great as an audio book) with wisdom and humility. She shares her story but does not assume it is everyone’s story. She manages to be gracious, honest and challenging all at the same time. I highly recommend.
July 1, 2021
Caring and gracious, written tenderly, like it’s coming from a friend. Also, just full of practical wisdom.
February 17, 2023
4.5 stars
Gilson speaks straightforward, biblical truth with gentleness, yet without apology. I especially liked her discussion on the purpose of two sexes, and the value of both marriage and singleness.
While the chapter on singleness was biblically accurate, it failed to address the depth of pain, disappointment, etc. that results from lifelong singleness, celibacy, and childlessness. (I can only imagine this is because the author married at 22 and is a mother, so simply doesn't have the experience for that communication.)
Note: Gilson uses what she calls her own "translation" of the Bible, which seems to be an amalgamation of various translations and her own paraphrase. I prefer for authors to stay away from paraphrases when they write Scripture as a quote, and appreciate when they just stick to one simple translation or version.
Overall, though, an excellent book and worthwhile read for all Christians.
Gilson speaks straightforward, biblical truth with gentleness, yet without apology. I especially liked her discussion on the purpose of two sexes, and the value of both marriage and singleness.
While the chapter on singleness was biblically accurate, it failed to address the depth of pain, disappointment, etc. that results from lifelong singleness, celibacy, and childlessness. (I can only imagine this is because the author married at 22 and is a mother, so simply doesn't have the experience for that communication.)
Note: Gilson uses what she calls her own "translation" of the Bible, which seems to be an amalgamation of various translations and her own paraphrase. I prefer for authors to stay away from paraphrases when they write Scripture as a quote, and appreciate when they just stick to one simple translation or version.
Overall, though, an excellent book and worthwhile read for all Christians.
September 19, 2020
This book is filled with harsh realities and comforting truths about the inner workings of same sex attraction in the individual, in others, and in the church. Although it’s hard to speak for every individual who experiences same sex attraction Gilson really does point to Christ’s work and the Holy Spirits power in us. This book is great for anyone to read who wants to learn more about same sex attraction but even God more. However, the realities Gilson talks about are so real for people who experience same sex attraction. It truly makes me feel seen and known. Tears were shed but were shed in order to move me more towards Christ and less to me and the world. Thank you Rachel Gilson. For the truths you shared and God working through you to help give wisdom and hope to those who experience same sex attraction like me...
February 8, 2021
While I come to a different conclusion than the author, I was quite impressed with her sensitivity, honesty, and forthrightness. She grounds her narrative in experience and Scripture and asks important questions of the church and how it welcomes both single folks and those who have same sex attractions.
I think all church and youth leaders should read this and recommend those are grappling with their same-sex attraction and where it fits in the church.
I think all church and youth leaders should read this and recommend those are grappling with their same-sex attraction and where it fits in the church.
December 9, 2023
A firsthand account of someone who struggled/s with same sex attraction, but who believes the Bible's clear teaching and desires to follow Christ faithfully. This book gives a candid and honest look at a highly contentious topic today. Gilson maintains biblical orthodoxy, but also cautions the church to be careful how we talk about this subject and about those who struggle. The church ought to be a safe place for people to admit their struggles, confess their need for help, and lean on Christ together in genuinely caring community.
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