I Understand: Pain, Love, and Healing after Suicide

by Vonnie Woodrick, Mariel Hemingway (Foreword)

Time doesn’t heal—love heals
 
When Vonnie Woodrick lost her husband Rob to suicide in 2003, she was faced with a series of decisions. How would she move on? How would she support and raise her three children as a young widow? How would she talk about Rob and honor his memory? These questions had no easy answers, but Vonnie found herself longing for one thing in understanding. The stigma of mental illness loomed large over Rob’s death and made healing difficult. But Vonnie found the common assumptions surrounding suicide to be false. Rob was not “crazy.” He did not choose to take his own life. He was in agony and only wanted the pain to end. His death was a direct result of his mental illness. Why didn’t more people understand this?
 
Over a decade later, Vonnie and her children created the nonprofit organization i understand to help others enduring this same grief and loneliness. Since its founding in 2014, i understand has become a haven of compassionate comfort and a powerful voice in the movement to change the way we talk about suicide so that it can be seen for what it truly a terminal effect of mental illness, rather than a deliberate choice.
 
This is the story of how love transformed Vonnie’s brokenness into hope—not only for herself and her family, but for anyone struggling to emerge from the darkness of suicide.

Genres: Nonfiction, Grief

128 pages, Paperback

Published September 1, 2020

Reviews

[Douglas Meijer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I believe Vonnie's book is a must read for anyone who has suffered from depression or any brain health issues. Or anyone who may have friends or loved ones who are suffering.
I believe this book will save lives. As well as providing help in breaking the stigma surrounding brain health and suicide. And encourage conversations. Thank you Vonnie ❣️

[Donna Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vonnie and I have known each other for years. We went to school together. As always school friends and classmates move on. Vonnie came back into my life about 5yrs ago, at that time I was in a deep deep depression. I think we connected again through Facebook and along with her help and others I'm not in that ugly place. So this booked touched me in a different way because my girls have always been what stopped me from suicide. And now because of her book I see it through the ones you leave behind. I received this book on the anniversary of my nephew's overdose. I'm not a reader. But I couldn't put it down. Sometimes my heart ached for Vonnie and her children. But they have taken a negative and turned it into a learning tool. If you or someone you know suffers don't ignore it get help its there. I'm proof of that. My life is not perfect by know means but I am in a better place than I was 5yrs ago and Vonnie & I understand had part in that.💓💓

[Erisa Kik · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has heart, it is raw and real. It is a true story of a family who takes a life shattering event and turns into a story of hope love and understanding.

i recommend this book to anyone who has lost a loved one to suicide it gives a understanding to why.

my favorite quote and i have many but my top one that sums it up for me for my own journey

""the shattered pieces of lives start to come back together. help. healing. wholeness" - vonnie woodrick.

She has shared her story of a shattered life and how to heal and how to come back. how to help and hiw to heal and be okay with being whole again. our loved ones are gone forever but our love never dies 

thank you vonnie for showing me the way.

"

[Danielle Josephine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unfortunately, mental illness and suicide are not uncommon. However, it is uncommon for people to feel comfortable talking about either of these topics. Ever since she told me she was writing it, I have been anxiously awaiting the opportunity to read Vonnie’s book. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know Vonnie over the past few years, and am grateful that she has shared her story in this way. This book is for those who have lost someone to depression or other mental illness. This book is for those who may be struggling with their own mental illness. This book is for all of us who want to know how to support others in these situations. Read it and let’s put Vonnie’s message of understanding and healing into action.

[Sherry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every so often a book comes along that addresses a subject that in past years has been considered 'taboo' or off limits--SUICIDE. We all know someone who has died by suicide. This book delves deeply into real depression, anxiety, life-struggles, treatments and ultimately death. My stomach was on edge as I became immersed in the Woodricks lives and subsequently the life changing events that transpired to all those who loved Rob. Even though parts of this book are so heart-breaking the love never stopped, life never stopped moving on for this young family. This book shows that a healthy, joy filled life is attainable after the suicide of a loved one because "time doesn't heal--love heals". This book has the ability to bring hope, understanding and comfort to anyone who is currently struggling in the pit of depression or for those who have had a loss to depression.

[Molly Barto · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vonnie’s book was by far one of the most helpful books I’ve read since my sons death. It was very relatable and I truly feel it would help with a loss of any kind. It let me know that my feelings I was dealing with were not abnormal and others felt the same way. Her book is so well written and deals with the emotions and the pain one goes through. I will definitely pass this book along to others who struggle with a loss of a loved one.

Molly Barto

[Ryan Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a person who struggles with brain health, who has also suffered several losses due to suicide, including two extremely close family members, it was very critical for me to read this book. So many suicides can be prevented if there was more discussion to end the stigma. That is what author Vonnie Woodrick sets out to do with this emotional, relatable, poignant, educational and believe it or not, optimistic book about her and family's journey since Rob's untimely passing by suicide.

It was wonderful to see that there was not chapter upon chapter focused on "HOW" he passed, which I think is so key. So many ask the appalling, yet understandable question of "how" he or she passed (the actual method of suicide) and they don't ask the "why". The why is so imperative because often mental and brain health of our friends and family are not discussed.

Each chapter began with a quote that typically applied to the subject matter discussed in that chapter. I enjoyed all of those and some I've even shared with loved ones who have aI Understand: Pain, Love, and Healing after Suicidelso lost someone to suicide. The author like quotations and I believe that they offer assistance to better understand. It was also interesting to hear from each of Vonnie's three children. For this reason, I am purchasing the book on Audible as well. I would like to hear their story, in their voices.

Vonnie, her children, and many warriors who are part of their organization i Understand are working to change the definition of suicide and ending the stigma related to suicide and mental illness. All information is included in the book, so that you too can say "i Understand".

Please purchase this book, read it, and encourage anyone who has lost, suffers, or knows someone that has or is suffering. This book is even for those who maybe haven't been affected by mental illness or suicide because everyone needs to have a better understanding in order to end the stigma associated with these sensitive subjects. A huge thanks to the author for using her pain and suffering as a catalyst to invoke change throughout the entire world. I look forward to any future publications from Vonnie in the future.

[Ginger Connelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read for everyone. I couldn't put it down! At some point we've all been affected by mental illness, depression, anxiety, suicide. You might not realize it and you definitely will learn something from this book. I don't think I've ever read a book and felt so much love. I understand is an amazing organization and something very special to be a part of. I will be sharing my book with a friend who I know needs to read it. Thank you Vonnie for sharing your personal story with us. Love heals 💗

[Patty · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I started to listen to this book, I was a little hesitant, ready for the stereotypical self help of dealing with loss and grief. What I found is so much more. Vonnie Woodrick takes us through the life of her husband, his death and how she began her healing. She takes the stigma out of suicide and gives us insight to finding a way to come back to the living. Her message is clear, concise and matter of fact. It makes you stop, think and recognize that life is not always as it appears, people deal with things differently and it takes time. This is a book that will stick with me, and I will be recommending it. . Narrated by Woodrick and her three children, you can feel their grief and how they each dealt with it differently. With a foreward by Mariel Hemingway, it's touching and informative. It's a book that is a must listen.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vonnie Woodrick opens the door and allows readers into a brutally heart wrenching time in her life following the suicide of her husband. Her raw honesty and pain can resonate with anyone that has experienced mental health issues or the loss of a loved one to suicide. As Vonnie’s grief unfolds, we are taken on her journey of pain and loss, eventually seeing it develop into hope, understanding, and the desire to help others dealing with the effects of mental illness.

[Pattie Barrett Thayer]

I have been a Victim Advocate with my local Sheriff's Office for almost 20 years. I’ve responded to more suicide calls than I care to count; by far, they are the toughest call to go on. It gave me a completely different perspective to look at - the family's perspective after the loss of a loved one. I wish I‘d read Vonnie’s book 20 years ago. It made me a better Advocate.

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing in so many ways, it helps us to better understand mental illness and suicide through personal stories and experiences. It opens our eyes to the struggles people with mental illness face and encourages us to eradicate the stigma behind mental illness. Thank you Vonnie for sharing your story with us and helping us to understand.

[Melanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This brought me to tears! The story of a family who goes through extreme loss after an unexpected suicide death. The grief, the sadness and raw truth. It gives hope and courage to those who may also be suffering the same pain. This book will not disappoint! Highly recommend!

[Mary Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written story of courage and deep understanding. The Woodrick family sharing their story and a Foundation established to reach out to all of us on this journey is moving.

God Bless you for writing this story and sharing your familys struggles so that others can heal.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was a witness to the love, pain and healing- this may bring hope to others. It’s another tool you’ve given everyone in need, helping them realize it’s ok to talk about it. Great job again Vonnie!

[Lisa Bunnell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This isn't a book full of statistics and facts on suicide. It's a family's story through loss .You feel the love for Rob .It is filled with emotion and heartbreak. It definitely is a tear jerker.It is a very impactful story .I believe this book will help a lot of people on their journey through loss.

[Bree · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Grief flows like a stream in the core of our being.” This book is very heartbreaking and was difficult to read sometimes because of how raw the author’s emotions were. I have experienced a lot of grief in my life and I felt connected to the concept of her and her kids grief. It doesn’t go away, you just keep on living. This book also talked a lot about the stigma surrounding suicide and how different people react to something so tragic. I think the constant talk about Rob’s depression and anxiety, as well as her own was something we don’t hear about so realistically in memoirs. I will be buying this book. Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for this arc copy for an honest review.

[Dora Okeyo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vonnie and her family share their healing journey in this book and I was moved by how in sharing her story, she never takes away from Rob for taking his own life. And for someone who has had a family member take their own life, this was a comforting read.
Thanks Netgalley for the eARC.
I hope anyone who reads this finds some healing or comfort as well.

[Ada's · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a tear jerker, some sad, happy,relief, but most of all understanding. This book very much hit horror me on a personal level for anyone struggling.with or if you know someone who is suffering a lot of the time in silence,reach out,, because you will never know until you ask the question of that's what someone wants to be asked would highly recommend

[Georgia Gietzen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is deeply personal to me as Rob was my brother. I witnessed first hand through the years the devastating toll depression took on our extended family which included my family of 4 and our parents. I can say that now in hindsight. Like many who suffer from mental illness, my brother was able to put on a brave face. That’s what we saw. His humor, his fun loving self, the passionate extreme skier, the naturalist who loved the outdoor, the mountain biker, the entrepreneur. When I looked at my brother he made me believe he was invincible. Yet there were glimpses through the years of a darkness and extreme behavior that crossed into dangerous many times. This behavior by many of us was called “passionate”, but at times looking back, could also be viewed as reckless. Our Woodrick Family does suffer from generational depression hitting various generations, the first I was aware of was our great grandfather and following the next generation, skipping our dads generation. We didn’t hide it, we just didn’t talk about it because we didn’t “understand” it.

I have followed Vonnie’s work with I Understand through the years. At arms length. Not out of a lack of love and support but out of respect for her to be able to share her journey to healing, her experience through the judgement and stigma of loosing such a close loved one to suicide. This is her story. She had to live it to realize the number one barrier to those seeking help from a mental illness (stigma), to why it’s so difficult and painful for the surviving family members to be able to share anything about their loved ones passing (judgement).

Vonnie’s book is written beautifully in her words. She pulls no punches - speaking her truth in an incredibly brave voice. She has opened the door of dialogue. A dialogue that could have helped our family so many years ago had their been an I Understand. Her book, her organization and the brave voices of my nieces and nephew will help other families dealing with depression, or those left trying to pick up the pieces of their lives after a family member dies by suicide. I have deep respect for those who walk through extremely difficult life situations and find a way through their journey, to find some good. Who move through darkness into light. By doing so, others are helped. It takes courage. I am grateful for their voice of advocacy through their organization and now this book, to help all of us reach a greater understanding of the stigma and judgement around suicide and how we can all become more compassionate towards those who lost their life to suicide, and those of us left picking up the shattered pieces of our lives. Love and understanding heal.

[Rebekah · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an important book!  i understand is written almost like a journal, and it gives us a look beyond the "final" day following suicide.  Woodrick starts at the beginning for both her and her husband, Rob, and shares with the reader truths and stories about how they were formed, individually and as a couple.  And then, she lets her reader in on how she and their children were rebuilt into a family that advocates for themselves and for other survivors of suicide.  Perhaps the most moving and important part of this book is the understanding and redefining of suicide as a side effect of pain, stemming from mental illness, chronic physical pain, or mood disorders.  This reframing allows us as a society to normalize discussions of mental health and move away from the stigma left behind by attempted or completed suicide--for both the victim and those who love the victim.

Woodrick's writing style feels intimate.  I'm left feeling I knew the family and that their loss is my loss, which is true of all death.  It's corporate.  And with this corporate understanding and the specific action steps Woodrick lays out, perhaps we can all become a society that understands and collectively supports.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Suicide is an important topic to talk about, but one that continues to have a lot of taboo around it. Vonnie's telling of her, and her families, experience surrounding her husband's mental health struggles and ultimate death by suicide is raw, honest, and heartfelt. Vonnie, and Rob, were well known in the community. Vonnie shares about grieving, and her families struggles while being in the public eye. Their children also share about their experience "growing up in the shadow of suicided". This book is about one families struggles as they are left to try to figure out what they could have done different and how they move on. The book also shares about why Vonnie started the organization "i understand".

Warning: This book could be triggering for some people who are freshly walking the path of grieving a death by suicide.

I was provided a copy of this book for an honest review. I was not paid for my review.

[Maddie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is so important. Vonnie's ability to be brave and honest in sharing her story is truly commendable and inspiring. She created an awesome depiction of how anyone's live can change in a blink of an eye and how we have two choices: to give in and dwell on the past, or persevere and work to overcome our struggles. Vonnie choose to persevere. By doing so she has fostered an incredible community that work to overcome the stigma of mental health and suicide by providing support and educational events and services. Vonnie doesn't just share her story, she talks about the way in which i understand actively works to create a difference in their community and how the reader can do so as well. That's what's important. Let's talk, but let's also go beyond that and work to make a difference within ourselves and ultimately, the people around you and within your community will follow. Very inspiring and educational read. I will be referring it to people who I know may need to hear some of the things Vonnie has to say.

[Bill Russell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Now, imagine the first visitors to the hospital during the final days of your spouse’s life are the police wanting to know where you were when “it” happened. Imagine friends and neighbors wanting to know how he did “it”. Imagine you and your children will have relative strangers tell them he is going to hell because of what he did. Imagine while suffering the tremendous grief and heartache of losing him, you also suffer shame and the scorn of others for somehow not preventing the death of your husband and father of your young children. i understand is not a story to just imagine. It is a narrative of one family’s journey through the horrendous disease and final result of depression.

If you’ve arrived at the front page of this book expecting a sort of after-school special about a guy who “committed suicide”, you’ve picked the wrong book. If you’re ready to learn that suicide is not a crime and what can be done concerning death by depression, you’ve just found a tremendous place to get started.

After reading this work by Vonnie Woodrick, you’ll experience a desire to help those suffering from depression and its aftermath. I know I did.

Bill Russell, RN

[Lisa Keller · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book sends messages of hope, empathy, and courage, even if you have not experienced suicide personally. Vonnie’s story teaches us that, while not always easy and no quick fixes, something positive can prevail through darkness. And we cannot find the positive alone, we need connections with others on the journey. Vonnie's story helps us to have a deeper understanding of what people endure around suicide, what we can say to them and how we can provide support.

Vonnie 'put herself out there' and told her story for a purely altruistic purpose, while at the same time finding healing for herself and her children. The excerpts from Chase, Whitney and Maddie are beautiful and heartfelt. I have known Vonnie and her children for a long time, and I thank them for their courage and sharing their stories. Every person would benefit from reading this. Truly a beautiful inspiration for all!
Lisa Keller

[Christian Raguse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Vonnie's book was extremely well crafted. Mental health and the effects it has on others often remains in the back of our minds and conversations; however, the author vulnerably paints a detailed picture as to how it has affected both her and her family's lives throughout the years. With tears in my eyes, I have begun to further understand that we are not alone in our journies. In the end, I have learned how to better approach conversations regarding mental health and suicide, and I now stand as eager as ever to support those who face challenges in their mental health. An open and honest dialog with our family and friends might be all it takes. i Understand <3

[Diane Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m a part of this group. A group of people who has had their life impacted by suicide. This book is a God send for anyone who is in this boat or knows someone who has had suicide impact their lives. I congratulate Vonnie for being brave enough to share her story with the world to help others who are struggling. My favorite quote from the book is, “But I found the silver lining of hope in the smallest of things - everyday occurrences that took on new and unexpected meaning in the wake of Rob’s death.”

[Christine Bardelli · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author writes a compelling book about the loss of her husband, Rob,to depression. I appreciated the honesty and genuine nature of the book. I also could feel that words did not accurately convey the pain that she has endured through the years of widowhood. The best part of the book is the instruction to others around talking and thinking of suicide differently, and the many ways that her organization is attempting to change the narrative around the stigma of suicide and mental illness. This is a good quick read of value to all, but particularly to those whose family members or friends have struggled or are struggling.

[cherie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have never read a book to do a review. I couldn’t ask for a better opportunity than to read this one. Transparency, vulnerability, honesty, genuinely raw! Vonnie Woodrick enduring tremendous heartache herself, puts into beautiful words something that as a society we do not like to talk about. But IT. IS. REAL.

Mental illness.

She takes you to a better way of understanding. And leaves you with a better ability to having compassion. A better ability to be The One.

I live with sadness every day. I have since I lost my own husband. My faith is my rock. But this book gave me the power to speak up for myself. To be honest. To not be ashamed.

Will YOU be the one?

#iunderstand
#betheone
#Loveheals

[Kourtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an important book on an important topic. I understand: pain, love, and healing after suicide, is a must-read book for all! This book helped me understand, on a personal level, what families go through after having a loved one pass from suicide. This book is real, and it does not sugarcoat around the topic, we all must come together and talk about suicide. Fantastic work Vonnie!