Getting Relationships Right: How to Build Resilience and Thrive in Life, Love, and Work

by Melanie Joy

The award-winning author helps you build relational literacy by giving you the principles and tools to understand and practice healthy ways of relating.

Relationships are complicated. Yet it's an unfortunate reality that while most of us have to learn complex geometry that we'll probably never use, we don't get a single formal lesson in how to relate to others. In this comprehensive guidebook, Joy reveals the common psychological dynamics that underlie all kinds of with a romantic partner, friends, family members, colleagues--in short, with anyone in any situation. Understanding these dynamics can enable you to make all your relationships healthier and more resilient, and help you contribute to creating a better world.

Drawing on the most relevant research as well as on her own extensive experience as a psychologist, Joy explains how to strengthen your "relational immune system" to resist not only interpersonal stressors but also largely invisible yet potentially devastating societal stressors like racism and sexism. With this understanding, you can cultivate relationships that consistently reflect core moral values and honor the dignity of everyone involved. Resilient relationships are a source of joy and fulfillment for those who are in them--and they also support the thriving of the organizations and communities of which we all are a part.

"A wise, practical, and well-researched template for creating healthy relationships of any kind . . . I recommend this book to anyone wishing to expand their social-emotional intelligence!" --Susan Campbell, PhD, author of Five-Minute Relationship Repair

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Relationships, Self Help

380 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 11, 2020

About the author

Melanie Joy is an award-winning psychologist, bestselling author, and internationally recognized voice on the psychology of social transformation, relationships, and emotional resilience. She’s written seven nonfiction books, which have been published or contracted in 23 languages, and she’s the eighth recipient of the Ahimsa Award—previously given to the Dalai Lama and Nelson Mandela—for her work on global nonviolence.

With her trademark blend of intellect, heart, and humor, she brings a fresh perspective to fiction in her new book, "A Half-Hearted Death Wish"—a bighearted, quirky, and thought-provoking debut novel.

You can learn more about her at melaniejoy.org.

Reviews

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unfortunately, most of us don't learn how to lead healthy relationships. Although it is such an important part of our lives.
There have been many good books written about this topic, but Melanie Joy's Getting Relationships Right really drives the point home and is a comprehensive guide to relationships in every aspect of life.
I will definitely read this book more than once and can only recommend it to everyone.
Relationships are what makes our lives great. So it is really worth it to try and get better at them.

[Milena Esherick · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a couples therapist, I’ve read A LOT of relationship books. This is my new favorite! A beautiful integration, and practical application, of the best research, written for the general public (and therapists too!) with examples from friendships, work relationships, family, and romantic relationships we can all relate to. I will be sharing with everyone!

[Jeanie Prince · Rating 4 out of 5]

A practical book with both theories and tools on building resilience and creating changes in interpersonal relationships. While it's not any ground-breaking discovery, this book is worth of greater recognition of its value for general audience to have a solid framework to understand how interpersonal relationship works, and how myths (e.g. Love me or Leave Me; Don't try to change me) create unhealthy patterns. Worth your money than the regular best-selling self-help book.

If you come to this page looking for more insights on why the same old pattern of conflicts happen in interpersonal relationship, I will recommend Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson.

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had read this book when I was 13, not 33! It could've saved me a lot of agonizing over relationships and interactions with partners, family, friends and even colleagues. Even though I had some underlying understanding of the need for both connection and security in all kinds of relationships, being able to put a name to what I'm feeling and needing and having the vocabulary and knowledge to communicate that to others has been game-changing. If everyone practiced the fundamental principles shared in this book, the world would be a much kinder, more stable, and more harmonious place.

[Mariazinha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great book by Dr. Melanie Joy. As always the content is very well structured and clearly explained. Effective communication, managing emotions and healthy relational patterns should be taught in schools, unfortunately they're not. This book will help you up-level your relational literacy.

[Travelling Turtle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such an important book! It made me realize why my relationships (of all kinds) have often been suboptimal or have even fallen apart. I am so grateful to Melanie Joy for this book and I am sure that by implementing the practices I can improve my relationships in the future.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just love Melanie Joy's work. So practical, sensible, compassionate. If only I could remember it all! Definitely a re-read potential. This book covers a multitude of explanations, suggestions, strategies for creating, understanding and building good relationships.

[Daniel AV · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone should read Melanie Joy!

[Pria Acharya · Rating 5 out of 5]

Melanie Joy is insightful and perceptive. She provides clear guidance that resonates for different relationships. She understands what she writes about and is easy to follow.

[Cine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Insights and perspectives - nicely & to the point

[Nirusiya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book. I really enjoyed how the author pointed out dysfunctional relationships. Particularly 'power-over' relationships and how she explained the trauma cycle.

I like how she doesn't blame the one who is repeated victimized - trapped in a trauma cycle. She never victim-shames or confers that someone has a victim mentality (choosing to be in a victim state - it's not that simple). She is clear is acknowledging - yes- one person in the relationship can be at fault, that one person can in fact be the only abuser. The 'it-takes-two to tango' mentality is criticized and in fact harmful. Some people are just that - abusive- destructive - and holding people in the grip of a trauma cycle.

The 'victim' often goes back into the relationship - trying to understand 'why' or rationalize things....or be manipulated (gaslighted) to believe their understanding of reality is wrong. Sometimes they go back to in hope for justice, which likely will never come, or if it does at the wrong time.

The end reflection is, some people are just not worth your time. Narcissists - who seek power/ control - who lack empathy....do exist (albeit, hurt people hurt). The author's advice is priceless. Just disconnect from them and walk away, don't look for justice, don't look for closure. Move on - find someone better. Remind yourself- you deserve to be loved, you deserve peace, remember to respect yourself.

I didn't read the entire book in order, but read through chapters that intrigued me. There were some good reflections I had, even if I didn't find the entire book useful.