The Girl She Was

by Rebecca Freeborn

‘She’d long ago stopped wondering whether anyone would find out what she’d done. It was in the past, and Layla didn’t dwell on the past.’

Layla was just like any other teenager in the small town of Glasswater Bay: she studied hard, went out with her friends and worked at the local cafe after school. But when her attractive, married boss turned his attention on her, everything changed.

Twenty years later, Layla's living a quiet life in the suburbs with a loving husband and two children. She's finally left the truth of what happened behind. Until she receives a text message: I know what you did.

For years, she’s outrun her past, turning away from her friends and her home town. Now her past is about to catch up.

Genres: Audiobook, Fiction, Drama, Thriller

386 pages, Paperback

First published March 31, 2020

About the author

Rebecca Freeborn lives in the Adelaide Hills with three kids, a horse, more books than she can fit in her bookcase and an ever-diminishing wine collection.

She works as a communications and content editor for the South Australian Government where she screams into the void against passive voice and unnecessary capitalisation.

She writes before the sun comes up and thrives on unrealistic deadlines.

Reviews

[Gloria (Ms. G's Bookshelf) · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Girl She Was is a disturbing story told in two timelines the first being that of seventeen year old teenager Layla, a high school student that works part time at the local café in Glasswater Bay.

Layla falls into a relationship with her handsome yet married boss, things don't exactly work out well and it sends her life spiralling off course.

We fast-forward twenty years later, Layla is happily married with children. Whilst she is breaking up a fight her two children are having with each other she receives a notification from facebook messenger. The message is from someone in her past who she never expected to hear from again and read ‘I know what you did’. The message was a shock, it was the past and Layla had long ago stopped worrying whether anyone would find out what she’d done.

The story is set in South Australia, I found it to be an absolute page-turner with believable and interesting characters. It was just wonderful to revisit some well known Adelaide landmarks in the story. This book is an intriguing read about female friendships, bad relationships and stuffing up as a teenager.



I wish to thank Better Reading & Pantera Press, for generously providing me with a copy of the book to read in return for an honest review.

[Brooke - Brooke's Reading Life · Rating 4 out of 5]

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The Girl She Was by Rebecca Freeborn. (2020).

Layla was just like any other teenager in her small town: she studied hard, went out with her friends and worked at the local cafe after school. But when her attractive and married boss turned his attention on her, everything changed. 20 years later she is living a quiet life in the suburbs with her loving husband and children. She's left the truth of what happened behind. Until she receives a message: "I know what you did". For years Layla has outrun her past, turning away from her friends and her home town. Now her past is about to catch up...

I found this a disturbing and very well-written read. The relationship between Layla and her boss Scott is toxic and concerning. Scott grooms and manipulates Layla into a sexual relationship quickly despite her very clear wishes to 'go slow'. Some readers will find scenes of this book confronting and/or triggering. What I found frightening was just how damn believable this story was; you can easily imagine how a young and emotionally vulnerable teenage girl would be attracted to her older, handsome boss who is paying her attention. Frankly, as a parent, the thought is terrifying. But in terms of reviewing, I think the author has done an excellent job in painting this scenario; it felt very realistic. It's a tough and confronting subject and the author has done really well in showing the long term psychological effects the relationship had on Layla.
I would recommend this one for those readers that appreciate a darker storyline.

[Veronica ⭐️ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Layla is a 17 year old student. Shy  and awkward, she doesn't have a boyfriend, has never been kissed. Her closest friends, Shona and Renee are growing up much too fast. leaving her behind. When her boss starts to give her extra attention she is flattered and finds it hard to say no.

Layla at 37 lives in the suburbs, has a wonderful husband and two children. On the surface her life looks perfect but a  secret lies hidden deep within her and threatens to destroy the life she has.
The Girl She Was is a story of manipulation and suppression. Layla is seduced by her married boss and begins a life of deep shame, secret meetings and lies. A life that she can't get out of without losing everything.

The Girl She Was is a timely read in the current #MeToo era. Perfect for readers who found My Dark Vanessa a little too disturbing. It's still as equally relevant. However we know that Layla has moved-on on the surface if not deep down emotionally.

"Sometimes he was a little rough, but it was only because I turned him on so much."
"It wasn't his fault we were in this position."
"You're no good, Layla. You're depraved, like me. That's why we are so good together."

Scott's manipulation and gas-lighting is rife throughout the book and I read this with a rising anger and a heavy heart.
There is an underlying mystery throughout of how the relationship ended and how Layla lost her friends.
With themes of facing your past, manipulation, consent, power abuse, gas-lighting and self hate. There are also uplifting themes of forgiveness, hope, moving forward and female friendships making The Girl She Was a compelling read.

[Brenda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Seventeen-year-old Layla was a naïve teenager who lived in the small town of Glasswater Bay in South Australia, worked in the local café after school and enjoyed her friendships with her school friends, Renee and Shona. She hadn’t even been kissed before the social when Renee brought one of the shy, nerdy boys over to Layla – the kiss was gross in Layla’s mind, and the following teasing at school was mortifying. But when her boss at the café, Scott, began paying her attention, gently touching her arm, the electricity that shivered up her spine confused her…

At thirty-seven, Layla was living happily with her husband Cam and two young children. The past was in the past and she didn’t think about it – until she received a text via messenger saying, “I know what you did”. Layla felt herself unravelling all over again. Her self confidence had never been high, especially since the events twenty years prior, but now her confidence took a major dive. What would Layla do? How would she confront the past and all that happened – a past that Cam had no idea about?

The Girl She Was by Aussie author Rebecca Freeborn is a horrific look at domestic violence and the effects it has on someone, especially a young, naïve teenager as Layla was. Told by Layla in both timeframes, the now Layla showing her as a woman haunted by her past, a past that has caused her present day to show no confidence, to look at herself in the mirror and see “ugly”, to cover her “horrible” body when her husband was around. The author has handled a hard topic well, and in places it was difficult to read. Recommended.

With thanks to Pantera Press for my ARC to read in exchange for an honest review.

[Theresa Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Girl She Was is a blisteringly good read, but I’ll be honest with you from the get-go: it’s also achingly sad and even a little bit horrifying. Domestic violence is never easy to read about but when it involves a seventeen-year-old girl and an older man it takes on a particular shade of nasty.

‘I sat down on the lid of the toilet, my head in my hands. Was I bad because I let him do those things to me? Was there a part of me that liked being treated like that? Why hadn’t I ever asked him to stop?’

The story is narrated by Layla as both a seventeen-year-old (the girl she was) and as a thirty-seven-year-old (the woman she is now). Layla is a woman haunted by her past, filled with self-loathing, not only for her younger self, but also for the woman she sees in the mirror each day. Her relationship history is filled with countless degrading sexual encounters and violent boyfriends, all stemming back to her very first relationship: the one she had at seventeen with her married boss.

‘I couldn’t understand why I found it so impossible to say no to him, why he was always able to convince me that I needed him.’

Rebecca Freeborn skilfully steers us through this relationship and allows us to comprehend exactly how a woman might find herself caught in such a violent and inescapable situation. The age difference – in this case eleven years, but to her seventeen, this was significant for Layla. The flattery and devotion in the initial stages. The false promises and excuses. The sexual control and dominance. The gas-lighting. The physical violence. The threats and stalking. All of it creeping in and destroying Layla, bit by bit until she could barely even recognise herself. Yes, this was a tough read, but it’s an utterly important one. Note though, this novel does contain many scenes of sexual violence which may be distressing for some.

‘And finally, I realised the truth. How had I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt when he’d given me so many demonstrations of the violence inside him? That look in his eyes … a man like that wasn’t capable of love. And there was nothing I’d ever be able to do to change that. It wasn’t my fault.’

There are many issues hung out to dry within this novel, too many for me to pick apart and examine here, plus, I don’t want to pre-empt your thoughts if you go ahead and read it (which I hope you do). But one thing I want to focus on is the shame cast onto women who are abused. When Layla’s relationship with Scott became known publicly, she was shamed as a slut, a home wrecker – even by her friends; and thanks to his relentless gas-lighting, Layla believed this. And she went on believing this, on and on through successive abusive relationships. Even in her marriage, which was not abusive, all was not well. She still believed this about herself, loathed herself, her body, her face. It was heartbreaking. One other thing I want to particularly mention was how the author introduced the damage that certain expectations about and attitudes towards women can do. Layla’s husband Cam was a decent man, but he had his own attitudes about women that were not exactly healthy and this ridiculous idea that Layla needed to be a clean slate for him; like a child crossed with an ostrich, not wanting to hear a thing about her past. To someone as damaged as Layla was, this was even more damaging. I’m glad the author introduced this into the story and made addressing it an integral part of the plot.

‘Everything within Layla resisted the term. She wasn’t mentally ill; she was just inadequate. But maybe she didn’t deserve to feel like this. Maybe it wasn’t normal. Maybe she could be free of this constant, dragging burden.’

The strong themes of female friendship were a lovely bonus within this novel and I particularly enjoyed Layla’s 20-year high school reunion. This is very much a novel for our times and while it deals with extremely heavy and distressing themes, I believe it does so with a meticulous attention to raising awareness and a high degree of affectability. Compelling and highly recommended, add this one to your reading list today.

Thanks is extended to Pantera Press for providing me with a review copy via NetGalley of The Girl She Was.

[Sue Gerhardt Griffiths · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, how well done is this book! Just awesome!

A madly entertaining and interesting plot, that had me listening to this tale for hours, went for a drive just to get even more listening hours in, haha.

It starts off slow but in no time at all it moves along at a decent pace, and kept me riveted until the very last page.

I do love books where the storyline jumps back and forth between past and present. Makes for thought-provoking reading.

This book also highlights a few important topics - domestic violence, strong-arm tactics, mental health and body image.

My first by this author and I can’t wait to dive into the next one which will be landing on my BorrowBox app soon.

[marlin1 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Layla is a typical teenager in a coastal country town, still at high school with a job at the local cafe. Her best friends have boyfriends but she’s the odd one out, so she’s very flattered when her good looking boss starts paying her attention. But things start to spiral out of control which have ramifications for years to come.
Told in now and then chapters it was very easy to follow but I personally found the subject matter in the ‘then’ chapters a confronting read. (Me too movement). I have never encountered anything like that myself but looking at it as an older woman and mother.
I found the second half of the novel much more engaging and really wanted to know the outcome.
I do think it was very well told and I could imagine how a susceptible young woman would feel flattered with the attention. Well worth the read.
Thank you for Netgalley and the publisher for a copy to read.

[Bernadette · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF - OMG so long and drawn out I couldn't be bothered finding out what she did apart from the obvious affair and cover up. Let me know if I actually missed out

[Bec Bailey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book honestly took me 200 pages to make up my mind. I thought it was juvenile and the story superficial at first. BUT..I was wrong. As the story progresses we can understand why the first half of the book is written in the way it is. (Trying not to give away spoilers) and by the end of the book you realise you've been slapped in the face with something totally unexpected. A really good Aussie read and great for this time of year, as it is summer in the book :)

[Kylie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty good read. Difficult content but it was handled well.

[Kym Jackson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m not sure if I enjoyed this book or not... mainly as it’s so far outside what I would normally read or have any knowledge of. It’s also perhaps aimed at (older) young adults? I mainly read it because it was recommended as something the parents of daughter(s) should read and I certainly learnt some things...The characters were well written and engaging and the story draws you in. It’s also good to read a book with South Australian landmarks in it! On the negative side the story was a bit didactic and some of the dialogue didn’t really ring true. Also (spoiler alert) the central conceit of the story (the messages from Jodie and Jodie’s motivation really didn’t ring true—at the end I felt Jodie had no real reason at all to have pursued Layla). Overall though: recommended.

[Lisa]

Read up to page 50 and as predicted given the hints on the back cover blurb, learned that her *yawn* terrible secret was an affair with a married man.
Came here to mark it abandoned and saw a friend's review here that tells me that this affair is the start of a string of abusive relationships. I don't want to read about that for the remaining 330 pages.

I don't rate books I don't finish.

[Jan · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was an audio book, I managed to get half way through it but could'nt finish it... Not for me this one

[Joelzie · Rating 4 out of 5]

“What she did changed everything”

I have mixed opinions about the tag line for this story. You go into this book thinking Layla has done something really horrible in her past and 20 years later someone wants to make her pay. At its core this is true, but also not true at all because the reality is you have to decide as the reader if you believe Layla is to blame, if she contributed to this at all or is simply the victim of grooming as a 17 year old by a predator.
Like “my dark Vanessa” I spent the majority of this book angry, I can give you a lot of very inappropriate words to describe Scott as a character. In some ways my hatred and hope that whatever it was that Layla does, has something to do with hurting Scott, is what kept me captivated by this. I’m not a violent person but I wanted to reach into the pages of this book and literally strangle him with a piece of barbed wire. I really enjoyed how this author writes and although I found some parts of this problematic in generally I thought it was a solid portrayal of these types of situations.

[Nikki · Rating 3 out of 5]

Confronting and emotive, “The Girl She Was” proved to be a real page-turner. The main character Layla’s story spanned themes such as relationship dynamics, self-esteem, power, blame and forgiveness in a topical way, which would make this quick-to-read novel a good conversation starter for book club groups. I really liked that the story was told using alternating chapters comprising “Then”, set during Layla’s final year of high school, and “Now”, twenty years later. This was a great way to get an insight into her tumultuous teenage experience, why she made the decisions she did (although I found myself frequently hoping she would do the opposite!) and how these choices – despite her best efforts to forget them – had consequences that bled not only into her adult life but the lives of those around her. Although I felt that some of the long-standing conflicts were resolved very quickly, I still enjoyed the read.

Thanks to #BRPreview for the opportunity to preview this book

[Janette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not only was 'The Girl She Was' a compelling page-turner, Freeborn has touched on social issues that are often ignored or at the very least swept under the carpet.
Freeborn's skill with seamlessly moving from the present to the past provides a compelling insight into how 'normal' teenage behaviours or events can have a long-lasting impact on a person’s life. I'm sure many readers will recognise ‘Layla’ and ‘Scott’ either in themselves or in their friends or acquaintances, and that in itself is thought provoking and perhaps worthy of discussion.
Additionally, the reader cannot predict the final outcome in the novel, as it has more twists and turns than a mountain highway, resulting in a completely unprepared-for ending.
‘The Girl She Was’ is an absolute must-read by a talented Australian author.

[Ayesha · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Girl She Was just proves that we all think everyone else cares more about our business than they actually do! Layla has a secret that she's never stopped (figuratively) running from, but is everything what it seems!? This is an interesting tale with plenty of suspense and twists along the way. Post #MeToo it's easier looking back to see who's in the wrong, but guilt (real or imagined) gets to people... The writing of this topical subject was well handled, and it's very relevant in these times to look back on the past with eyes open. I admired Layla and her ability to 'put on her face' to show the world while she was furiously keeping things afloat below the surface, which wasn't healthy. Some say "you can never go back", but sometimes you can... (Another amazing Uncorrected Proof Copy to read early thanks to Better Reading... 😀)

[Bree T · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book makes for incredibly uncomfortable reading.

I’m 38, about the age that Layla is in the “current” timeline. Like Layla, I’m married with two kids although my kids are older than hers and I’ve done the years of mindnumbing routine that is children under five. I’ve known what it’s like to be so grateful when your other half walks in the door and you can just….walk away for a few minutes. Take a breath and be alone and know that someone won’t die while you do it. A bit dramatic but that’s sometimes what parenting feels like!

Layla is supervising bath time when she receives a Facebook messenger message that states ‘I know what you did’. She knows who the person is who sent it and it takes her back twenty years to when she was just a teenager, studying for exams, working in a cafe and trying to decide what she wanted to do with her life. Part of a friendship group of three, Layla found herself slightly left out when her two friends got boyfriends and suddenly wanted to include them in everything, even stuff they were supposed to do together. Although they try to set her up with boys in her year, no one really interests her until her boss Scott – older, married, treats her like an adult – suddenly seems interested. Layla knows it’s wrong….but her inexperience and immaturity is no match for someone with light years more.

There were times when reading this book gave me anxiety. For lots of different reasons, but mostly because in different circumstances, I think I could’ve been Layla. The way in which her boss approaches her, when she’s kind of at her lowest, feeling unattractive and left out, is incredibly calculated. His attention at first is flattering, after all he’s a grown man (28 I think), he’s married, he’s considered hot. Layla is thrilled and excited that she might be the one who has interested him, despite the shortcomings she feels that she has but she’s also nervous and at first, doesn’t want to cross a line. But slowly, slowly, Scott manipulates and uses Layla, gaslighting her, threatening her, alternately begging her, professing love and devotion and pulling away from her until she’s desperate for any scrap of love or affection again. Then it escalates, slowly, firstly with threats of harm then actual physical violence. Layla is trapped in this cycle where she finally realises that this cannot go on and she screws up enough courage to leave only to be dragged back in by his games. She’s just seventeen, she’s never had a relationship, she really doesn’t have a lot of places to turn when things get dark: her friends tell her to end it because he’s married, because it can’t go anywhere but they don’t really see everything that’s happening and Layla is too gripped by shame to tell them.

This book is an examination of an abusive relationship with an imbalance of power that damages Layla in ways that no one can imagine. It has such far reaching affects into her future, it completely destroys any self worth she might’ve had, any belief that she had more to offer someone than just a body. It’s also a look at blame – who receives it and who gets away with minimal amounts. Layla is seventeen but not seen as a victim, more like an aggressor, a stereotypical home wrecker. What defense could she have legitimately had against someone like Scott, who had been so charming and friendly for a long time, before making his move? You get the feeling from the way Scott operates that Layla was not the first he’d probably singled out for his attention but he seems to face no public censure.

This book takes an even darker, more unexpected turn as the messages Layla receives escalate in seriousness until the person threatens to tell Layla’s husband about her past if she doesn’t agree to meet with them. Therefore Layla must return to the small town she grew up in, a place she hasn’t set foot in in over twenty years. There are a lot of demons that she must face in going home, not just that teenage affair but also the implosion of her high school friendships and the actions that led to the fallout. Her twenty year high school reunion seems like a good way to exercise a lot of demons and maybe even build a few bridges as well as relieve herself of the burden she’s carried for two decades. No matter the consequence.

This is a book that will resonate with a lot of people in many different ways. I think a lot of people have known a Scott – whether to the extent that Layla did, or even just someone they knew in passing. I know I have. And a lot of people will relate to the relationship that seems so perfect at first but then slowly disintegrates into a nightmare. And there are relationships that leave scars, deep scars, some that people never get over. And there are friendships as well, that can define you. This was a powerful read, one that affected me deeply in quite a lot of ways. The entire story was handled with skill, I really connected with Layla and I could actually put myself in her place and understand how she ended up where she did. Everything that had happened to her, her desperation to protect the life she had, her reluctance to confide her past sins in her husband and finally her desire to shed her burdens.

***A copy of this book was provided by the publisher for the purpose of an honest review***

[Kelly Rigby · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one that I feel like all women should read because it will help them understand themselves better and maybe other women who have led lives very different to theirs. The dual time lines, both from the main character's perspective, are equally strong and expertly interwoven to keep you turning the page because you have to find out what is going to happen next. Rebecca Freeborn puts you right in the shoes of the insecure teenage Layla and the tormented older version, and the way she writes about early sexual experiences, secrets in marriages, and the shifting power dynamic between Layla and Scott is brutally authentic. At times, I was uncomfortable but I could not stop reading. A truly great book.

[Sian Santiago · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book made me feel uneasy at the start but gripped me towards the middle in a way that stopped me from putting it down.

After finishing it, I feel incomplete. The complication of the “now” timeline is sparked by the protagonist’s ex-lover’s wife contacting her, accusing her of never having faced what she’d done by having an affair with her husband. Her contact sparks severe anxiety in the protagonist, fuelling her internal reflection throughout the book. But, when Layla goes to meet her, her attitude seems completely different, friendly even. They come to a relegation, everything changes and then it’s over and all of the emotional investment that I had as a reader feels wasted.

Maybe this is the whole point, but I felt a bit empty afterwards.

[Michelle Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy read, every page was interesting, made me think of my younger years and what I may have held on to all these years that to me seems huge but to others forgotten or barely a memory.

Also how one can be taken advantage of with the correct words to poke at our insecurities.

Highlighted the fear that can rip through you when your past comes back to haunt or threaten the status quo of your life now.

Great read, strong characters a story that made me reflect on my past. The flow from present to past was easy to navigate and did not confuse. I enjoyed the story, very engaging.

[Becca Fitzpatrick (bookscandlescats) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my first novel by Rebecca Freeborn and I have to say I was not disappointed!

It was a thought provoking page turner that I sped through in a few reading sessions. It was very well paced, and had some interesting twists.

Set in South Australia, the story is told at two points in time; when the protagonist is a teenager, and then when she is older with her own family.

It covers important topics from gaslighting to being taken advantage of. It was written well and very respectfully.

Thank you so much to Pantera Press for providing me with a copy of this book to review.

[Michelle Jessen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A strong 3.5 stars for this book.
The plot was good & it kept me guessing as to “what Layla actually did” until it was revealed towards the end. It was actually not a twist but more an explanation as to why she’d felt so guilty all those years.
I’m sure these sorts of relationships are quite common today which is quite sad. I almost imagine an insecure me at that age being sucked into the same sort of situation & not fully understanding the implications of the outcome.
Definitely give this book a read, I think you’ll enjoy it.

[Ashley Anderson]

The sole reason why I couldn’t continue with my read of The Girl She Was is because of an inappropriate relationship and power dynamic between the main character and her boss. It’s not something I felt comfortable reading about, however I have no negative thoughts about what I read in this novel, and I would read from Rebecca Freeborn in the future. This story simply wasn’t for me.

Thank you to Pantera Press for sending me a finished copy of The Girl She Was by Rebecca Freeborn to review.

[Lynette · Rating 3 out of 5]

I seemed to have picked a few books like this lately! I guess more and more people are coming forward with historical sexual allegations so author's have caught onto this as well. Anyway, though this was well written it did get a little tedious and seemed to go on and on in places. I did enjoy the start and the ending, I just felt like the middle was more and more of the same. Maybe my review is tainted as I have read others like this recently, as I feel like Rebecca is a good author.

[Katie Rowe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Trigger warnings ⚠️

Grooming
Sexual assault
Violence against women.

This book was quite difficult to read with the content. This book follows a girl named Layla in present day she has a husband Cam and 2 kids, it also follows her last year of high school where at 17 years old her boss preys on her and ends up having an affair with her. For Layla’s whole adulthood she’s held onto a secret until she receives a message from her ex bosses wife “I know what you did”.

[Jasmin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book really spoke to me in a way I’ve not experienced before. The music, the conversations, everything was familiar and engrossing. Great to read an SA book set in my teen years. I also really loved the description of hating the beach! I laughed. I also grew up in a sea side town and hate the beach.
The relationships between the women and the depictions of looking after small children really rang true!

[Karen Joc · Rating 4 out of 5]

All your life you thought you had done something so very terrible that you left the small town you were from. You tried to put it behind you for so many years .... then the messages started to come .... I know what you did ..... who knows, what was it that was so bad ... and how can you continue to live a lie when the truth is so very close ....

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A dual timeline which helps the story to unravel as the characters develop. A teenage crush impacts heavily on those directly involved and haunts the grown up Layla. Threatening messages consolidate the guilt until she finally faces her past. Well written and an easy read with a couple of surprises along the way.

[Vikki Petraitis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such an important book - it shows how easily it is for women - a teenager in this case - to fall into a relationship that deteriorates into abuse. The story of Layla in the present as a 37 year old and in the past as a 17 year old shows in great detail the lasting damage caused by abuse. Forced to confront her past, Layla looks back through the eyes of an adult and begins to better understand the nature of what happened. A gripping read.