To Me, He Was Just Dad

by Joshua David Stein

Men like John Wayne and John Lennon, Nolan Ryan and Bruce Lee, Cesar Chavez, Christopher Reeve, and Miles Davis have touched the lives of millions. But at home, to their children, they were not their public personas. They were Dad. Maybe Davis didn’t leave the office at five o’clock to come home and play catch with his son Erin, but the man we see through Erin’s eyes is so alive, so real, so not the “king of cool” (he taught his son to box, made a killer pot of chili, watched MTV alongside him) that it brings us to a whole new appreciation for the artist.


Each of these forty first-person narratives—intimate, heartfelt, unvarnished, surprising, and profoundly universal—shows us not only a very different view of a figure we thought we knew but also a wholly fresh and moving idea of what it means to be a father.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Short Stories, Biography, Essays, History, Cultural

192 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 31, 2020

About the author

Joshua David Stein writes children's books and cookbooks, sings songs, draws, and sometimes dances. He lives in Brooklyn, New York, with his two sons, Achilles and Auggie; a rescue pup named Hermione; and a rusty old car named Kimberly.

Reviews

[Heidi Wiechert · Rating 5 out of 5]

To Me, He Was Just Dad is a collection of essays written by the grown children of famous or otherwise notable men. From scientists to musicians, actors to drug lords, the vocations of the featured fathers runs the gamut. There's even one Catholic priest.

"How wide, we wondered, is the gap between what the public thinks of notable men and what the sons or daughters of those men experience? Do great men make for great fathers?" pg 6

The essays themselves are intimate portraits into the private lives of all of these people who, because of their success at whatever they chose to do, the world acts like we already "know." The fascinating part of this book is how little we know them at all.

It's almost like we venerate famous people. This book is a great reminder that, at the end of the day, they're just people and put their pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us.

Though, admittedly, some are much more talented at cooking eggs, like Claudine Pepin's dad, the famed chef, Jacques Pepin: "I feel like Papa taught half of America how to make an omelet. He taught me how to make an omelet, too, and also how to walk, ski, and drive (that one was a touch stressful). But one of the most important things he taught me was how to be part of a deep and enduring friendship." pg 35

Fame is such a strange lens. Through it, some qualities are magnified while others are lost in the glare.

The same is true for infamy. The two who stuck out to me in that particular category were "My Father the Cult Leader, Saul B. Newton" and "My Father the Drug Lord, Pablo Escobar".

Here's Newton's daughter, Esther: "My dad was an amazing, complicated, brilliant individual. It was important to me that he wasn't remembered only as a nutjob with a cult." pg 52

Escobar's son remembers how his father, the drug lord, implored him not to do drugs. He also recalled living much of his early life on the run.

I think the small details add such dimension to these famous lives.

Take, for example, the fact that Evel Knievel, of daredevil fame, didn't want any of his children to follow in his footsteps because he thought it was going to get them killed. It was fine for him to risk his life, but not ok for his beloved children.

Makes you view him just a little bit differently, doesn't it? He seems like a multi-dimensional individual to me now and not just a fearless dude on a motorcycle.

Highly recommended for non-fiction readers. This book is a treat.

[Sharon Orlopp · Rating 4 out of 5]

Joshua David Stein is the editor at large at Fatherly, the leading digital media brand for dads. Fatherly's mission is to empower men to raise great kids.

This book is a compilation of stories from children of famous and infamous fathers. Some of the fathers were scientists, athletes, musicians, innovators, actors, and criminals. The stories range the gamut from loving, involved fathers to absentee fathers due to their career demands and/or marital dynamics. Quite a few stories involve estrangement and arguments with their fathers that are then resolved later in life.

Some of the poignant, memorable passages include:

1. Cesar Chavez' message to his son, Paul, after they lost a statewide campaign in California by one vote to confirm a nominee to the farm labor board. Paul was devasted. During the five hour drive home, his father reminded him that fighting for justice was not the same as a baseball game or a political race. When you fight for justice, you only lose when you stop fighting.

2. Nolan Ryan's baseball advice to his son, Reid: "Don't let the failure of your last pitch ruin the success of your next one."

3. A therapist's advice to a very challenging father and son relationship: "You can be right or you can be happy." Take the time to make amends and don't worry about who is right.

My all-time favorite story from this book is what Christopher Reeve said to his son, Matthew, at the end of the documentary film Matthew made about his dad: "Everyone always tells me I'm such an inspiration. I don't know about that. I try to emphasize that the ability to endure, the ability to love, is something we all have inside us, and you don't have to be Superman to do it."

[Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

"The writers of the these essays remember their fathers [having] patience, kindness, and humor - and also the longing they felt when those qualities were absent." -- from the introduction, on page 7

Likely one of the strengths of To Me, He Was Just Dad is the breadth of choices for the famous (or infamous, in some situations) fathers profiled by their now-adult offspring on this 40-man roster. Sure, the editors could've gone the easy route and loaded the book with strictly heartwarming or positive pieces, and indeed there are several segments - actor Christopher Reeve, labor organizer Cesar Chavez, hockey coach Herb Brooks, astronomer Carl Sagan - which are loving tributes, as well as being just enjoyable to read for their own sake. However, the book also takes the (I think) highly unusual step including some writings that are acrimonious (basketball legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar being cold and aloof to everyone in life; actor Leonard Nimoy being jealous of his college-educated son; architect Eero Saarinen drop-kicking his ailing first wife and young kids out of the house for a new fling), which help the proceedings from going into saccharine overdrive. This may not be a 'must read' tome, but said diversity keeps things a bit interesting, or at least from becoming boring.

[Valerity (Val) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is filled with incredibly moving essays written by the offspring of famous fathers and put together in this book. Some of the fathers I knew and others I hadn’t heard of but I found the whole concept to be an interesting one, and the essays were so good for the most part that it didn’t matter when it was a stranger. It’s getting a peek at what these men were like as a dad, and that makes it charming, especially in tandem with the inclusion of a picture of the dad and child that really makes it glow.

This was better than I had expected and I’m glad I picked it up as it was a fun read that would really be great for Father’s Day. I liked the mix of fathers chosen also. Advance electronic review copy was provided by NetGalley, author Joshua David Stein, and Artisan.

First published on my WordPress blog, as seen here:
https://wordpress.com/post/bookblog20...

[Dawn Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

4 years ago this month, the man I called "Dad" passed away. He was a huge part of my life and while he didn't have to be a Dad to me, he chose to and chose to love me as his own and I am grateful every day for that and I miss him so very much. He was the best of the best and he left a huge hole, not only for me and my Mom, but to everyone who knew and loved him.
That said, I thought I, after four years, would be ready for a book like this. I was wrong. I don't think that I will ever be ready for a book like this - grief is not linear. That also said, there were stories within this that were just amazing and I reveled with these children who write stories of the men they call [and called] Dad. There were some heartbreaking ones [William Reeves was one that I pretty much cried all the way through, as well as Leonard Nimoy's sons story], some that were shocking and some that were just fantastic [Carl Sagan's sons story was almost perfect]. But I really was not ready. I have a biological father who is not, by his choice, in my life. After years of chasing after him and practically begging him to love me, I finally got brave and walked away. And he let me go with no reservations. I do not even exist to him anymore. And I was reminded of that over and over in this book as children with distant fathers wrote their stories. Their stories have hope as there is always a little bit of reconciliation or forgiveness or whatever they need to move forward there. But not all of us have that and so reading stories like these can be tough. But they did remind me that I am luckier than some - I got to have a Dad who loved me unconditionally. Who adored me and listened to me and counseled me and encouraged me to go live my life as large as I could make it. So even though this book made me sad [and a bit angry in parts] and cry a little, it also made me happy and grateful.

I miss and love you Dad.

Thank you to NetGalley and Artisan Books/Artisan for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a collection of short essays written by the children of "famous" men. Some of them are men you've probably heard of (Samuel L. Jackson, John Wayne, Miles Davis, etc.,) there are also several who don't have the same name recognition (Herb Brooks, Michio Kaku, Donald Cabana, etc.) Some children write about how amazing their fathers were, how normal, what great memories they have, while other children lament about how absent their fathers were, how demanding, how unloving. There was even one child who had never met his father, and he wrote about that impact on him.

While an interesting premise, I just wanted more. While short essays are perfect for a blog or a magazine, a book gives you so much more room to create something bigger, and that's what was ultimately lacking here. I wanted more details about their lives as father and child, more stories, more information.

Honestly, I found information about the writer -- found at the end of each essay -- to be the most telling... Which children used their famous fathers' connections to make it in the same industry, who is living an every day kind of life, who has kids of their own. Because ultimately, sometimes the measure of how successful a father really was can be seen in the legacy he left behind.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with the ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review. It has not influenced my opinion.

[Peacegal · Rating 4 out of 5]

This enlightening book collects essays from the adult children of men who achieved fame in the arts, science, sports, etc. Not every dad was famous for a good reason--there are murderers and gangsters profiled within these pages--and not every dad was a good father, either.

But these messy relationships make the experiences all the more real. Many writers express mixed emotions about their parents, just as many non-famous people do.

[Kristin Aiello · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️ a great book that looks at 40 famous men as regular men and fathers through the eyes of their children. Some happy stories, some a side of the famous man you might not have known about, but overall a moving tribute to fatherhood.

[Clint · Rating 4 out of 5]

These stories of Famous Fathers are a mix of heartbreaking, humorous, shocking, insightful, and inspiring.

[Keith Chawgo · Rating 5 out of 5]

The novel is full of great stories of men who are known to be great in their field but beyond close doors they were even something greater – a father. Taken on board that the stories mentioned by the children of these professional people, it is interesting how father’s who have a very busy and successful career had the time and patience to ensure that fatherhood was juggled into their daily lives.

This is a testament that gives focus on what can be accomplished with just love and devotion to your family and how this makes a difference now that these people are now adults. It was wonderful to hear how their father’s have touched their lives and how their childhoods become something to cherish because of this bond.

This is an excellent book that shows contrary what the media tells us, that fatherhood is alive and well and the importance on what being a good father can do with the relationship with their children and their future. Thoroughly enjoyed.

[Isabelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

To Me, He Was Just Dad - Stories of Growing Up With Famous Fathers // by Joshua David Stein

"Those searching for a moving Father's Day gift need look no further." -- Publishers Weekly

To Me, He Was Just Dad by Joshua David Stein is a book of short stories like none other. The children of famous, and infamous, men tell us in a couple of pages each how they feel about their fathers. Sometimes we hear exactly what we expect based on their public appearance but many of them seem to be an entirely different person at home with their families. Each chapter has a picture of the narrator and their father accompanying the story.

This book made me pause many times. Not only was I fascinated to learn about these men from an entirely new perspective but I also started contemplating my own relationships with different members of my family, especially my father. I like how these are not highly detailed essays reminiscent of biographies, but up close and personal in a way that is relatable and easy to understand by anybody that opens this book.

[Pam · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received an electronic ARC from Artisan Books through NetGalley.
A charming series of short essays about well known men as told through the lens of one of their children. Men from all areas of fame are included. Some heroes were certainly not parenting role models and some infamous men were brilliant fathers as seen through their children's eyes.
Stein has compiled a broad ranging set of writings that will allow dads everywhere to see themselves - how they are; how they could be, and how they want to change.
Terrific Father's Day gift.

[RL Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazingly touching. All of the authors give honest essays here, even when their fathers have faults, they look at them through the eyes of a child and as grown adults. What the fathers in this book did doesn't really matter; meaning even when I didn't know the subject being covered I still enjoyed the essays.

[Silvia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received an ARC from Artisan Books through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

People I had never met before offered to help, too. That warmed my heart so much. It felt like all these people were putting their hands on my shoulder, comforting me.

This is really a heartwarming book. Some of the interviews left me a bit indifferent, some of them barely scratched the surface of what could've been the portrait of a great father figure, but there were some instead that took my heart completely (Cummings, Kaku, Lee). Hence, the 3-star rating. It's almost inevitable for a collection of stories/interviews/whatever to have some ups and downs. No big deal.
I still think it would have been interesting to dig more into that Caitlin Jenner chapter, though.

Aside from these very few criticisms, I loved some passages and, if you pay enough attention to this little collection of memories, you can take some teachings to heart.
This is a hymn to all the dads - may they become immortal through the lives they touched, for better of for worse.

He encouraged me and pushed me at each turn. And I came to realize that he had more faith in me than I had in myself.

(The quotes above were taken from an ARC and may change upon publication.)

[Stacey Adams · Rating 3 out of 5]

This collection of short stories about famous men by one of their children was an unique look into fame from a different angle. Not an in depth book but filled with memories of fathers who we know only because of their notoriety. Many of the children have similar stories of abandonment, their fathers being too busy or away from home often. But memories from time spent together held a special place in their hearts. The time they did get to spend one on one with their fathers was extremely special.
John Lennon's son was also called John, Julian was a name to distinguish him from his father. Evel Knievel's son followed in his footprints becoming a stunt rider too. Offspring write an inside look at Christopher Reed, Samuel Jackson, John Wayne, Eero Saarinen and Leonard Nimoy to name a few in this book. It's interesting and makes you think how life would be different with a famous father. The good and the bad....just like anyone, even non famous fathers.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a Advance Reader Copy of this book from the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review. All opinions are my own.

"To Me, He Was Just Dad" is a beautiful book. Here is a collection for stories that only the songs and daughters can tell. The fathers in question come from all sorts.of professions and notoriety. Acting, sports, science, law, These men have a place in history but to the writers of these essays, they are more than a noted personality or a trivia answer. They are "Dad". You get the chance to read about their personal side. Seeing them through the words of their adult children is amazingly touching and beautiful.

Look for this book when it is released March 31, 2020.

[James Kennedy Public Library · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed these short essays. Each one is only 2-3 pages long. It is an interesting mix of fathers who are household names (think actors or athletes) but also fathers that were famous in their respective fields (science, gaming, clergy, etc.). I was surprised at first that many of the children writing these essays didn't have glowing things to say about their father. I guess I assumed all of the essays would be happy ones. But I ultimately liked the reality that these kids had relationships with their fathers that ran from bad to the best ever with everything in between. Their relationships were products of fame, fortune, personality, and how the parents handled break-ups. Overall, easy to read and an interesting glimpse into other people's relationships.

[Karie Rice · Rating 4 out of 5]

A powerful read about what it was like to be the child of a famous father. The child of a drug Lord, who murdered hundreds of people, that still insists he was a good father. Father's that were jealous of their children's accomplishments, father's that put their career or their new families (or both) ahead of their children, even a serial killer father. Yet all these children (now adults) insist that they love their fathers and often that they understand why they were the way they were. One's relationship with ones parents is often complicated, and the stories in this book definitely reflect that.

[Kendra Gaines · Rating 3 out of 5]

Also finished this up today! I’ve been reading on this book of short essays written about famous fathers. Some I had previously heard of: Samuel L. Jackson, Evel Knievel, Bruce Lee, Nolan Ryan, and Christopher Reece (to name a few) but others I had never heard of before. Before each essay a short paragraph is written about the topic (father) of each essay. Many children shared heartwarming tales but others showed just how absent and selfish their fathers could be. Either way it was eye opening and a great reminder of the present father I’ve always had. I’m thankful for my dad and overall enjoyed reading these stories.

[Lee Ann · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was looking for Julian Lennon's latest book in the library catalog and came across this book of 40 short (two to three- page essays) by adult children of famous actors, musicians, athletes, scientists, preachers, and military heroes, and even a few infamous dads. It's interesting to read how, in the celebrity chaos, demanding jobs, absence or divorce, and sometimes outright criminality, the children are able to highlight times of normalcy and humanity. Even Pablo Escobar's son, who rightly abhors his father's life, had moments when he knew his dad loved his family.

[Angie Simmons · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a great account of fatherhood and shares unique glimpses into the celebrities we know and love. Spoiler alert- they’re just regular dads! I think this will make a great Father’s Day gift, and it won’t just be loved by men- I think women will love these stories, too.

This earns five stars from me!

**Many thanks to NetGalley and Workman Publishing for the ARC in exchange for my honest review. My opinions are my own.**

[Denice Langley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone has two personas, the public and personal that we blend to keep ourselves sane. These stories are all centered on men who had outsize public personas but were very private about their family life. It is entertaining and satisfying to know that they had some of the same parenting goals and problems we all do. The stories are short and sweet, a gift to us from the children to show us the other side of their Dads.

[Rowland Hill · Rating 3 out of 5]

Disappointing

While there are some truly engaging tidbits here, the overall feeling I had was of having an appetizer for a dinner that never arrives. There is no depth here, simply some brief recollections of fathers who were often distant or utterly absent. Fewer reminisces with more substance would have been much more satisfying. Instead we’re left chewing the carcass of an already eaten turkey.

[Julie Trapp · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting. Interviewed 40 children of famous and infamous adults. Some thoughts on a few:

Lou Alcinder/Kareem - Wow! Not a great or even good dad. Very self-cemtered
John Lennon - I wasn't a Beetles fan (they came to US after I was married), but interesting
Bruce Jenner - Didn't bother with this one
Pablo Escobar - Why would the author care about the dregs of society?
Uri Geller - NOT!!!
Christopher Reeve - always inspirational; great kids

[Jenny Claiborne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given an ARC from the Publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Truly interesting compilation about some incredible men. I loved hearing their stories from the perspective of their children. The honesty within these pages makes some of the stories hard to read, but adds to the humanity of the men many of us feel like we know.

[Mandy Hazen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book surprised me and I was not sure what to expect. There were so many famous and amazing people in this book - and to see their lives through their children’s eyes and how they truly were just dad, and in turn had impactful lives of their own due to the life of their dad was girly astounding. Highly recommend. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Nelda Brangwin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short chapter on 40 stories told by children of famous men. Christopher Reeve, Evil Knievel, Jacque Pepin and John Wayne are included. It’s a great idea for a book and fun to read about how their own children perceived them as fathers. The short essays left me wanting more, though. The family photos were a nice addition to the stories.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was recommended and given to me by a friend. At first I was a little thrown off by the title because I don't think we really heal from grief. I had trouble with some of it because Mr. Van Praagh and I don't have the same belief system. However, there is some really good information in it and some useful tools. It deals with all kinds of loss.

[Mary T · Rating 4 out of 5]

This popped up on my library's website, and I gave it a go. I like these types of books with short essays that are connected but not dependent on one another. I don't know a bunch of people from pop culture but recognized several names. I enjoyed these behind-the-scenes glimpses into what it was like to have a famous father. It made me grateful for my own.

[Sandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick read with some interesting anecdotes. Like most anthologies, the essays in this book are inconsistent. Some are fascinating, some are funny, and others are just dull. Still, if you are a fan of any of these "famous fathers" it is worth the read.