Fall Out

by C.G. Moore

I am Cal Adams – what does that mean?

Sixteen years old.
Black hair.
Blue eyes.
Short.
Gay.

For Cal, coming out is explosive, but that is nothing compared to the fallout from his family, friends and foes. When events in Cal's life reach critical, he is shaken to his core. Can he rely on his loved ones to help avoid meltdown?

Genres: Young Adult, LGBT

336 pages, Paperback

First published June 18, 2020

Reviews

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

A dark and intense rollercoaster of a read that gripped me by the throat and refused to let go!

Review Taken from The Pewter Wolf

***Book given by UK publisher in exchange for an honest review/reaction***

When Cal comes out to his family, he doesn’t expect it to be so explosive. He doesn’t expect his mum to be rushed to hospital or his dad to attack him in the hospital. But the fall out is nothing from the spiral his life takes when it comes to his friends, family and his bullies at school.

But when events in Cal’s life pushes him to his limit, can he rely on his love ones to help me avoid a meltdown or has he cut himself too far for them to save him?

Now, this type of book isn’t my normal jam. I’m not the biggest lover of contemporary that are darker in tone or quite as triggers but this book… well… this is a dark and intense rollercoaster of a read that gripped me by the throat and refused to let me go.

… I’m actually finding writing this hard to write. I devoured this book and enjoyed myself hugely with this, so it’s a little hard to be impartially. Plus, need to keep this short as I'm frightened this will turn into a gush-fest!

I do want to point out that this book has a lot of triggers in here - homophobic bullying, underage drinking, underage sex, self-harm, death, mental health - so be safe if/when you are going to read this. I feel like this is the book equivalent of the UK TV show, Skins, as that show was trigger warnings on every episode so imagine that in book form as you have Fall Out.

But I really liked this book. I liked the characters, the situations, how events spiral and fall apart and how, slowly, they pulled themselves together. Everything about this book worked for me in a way that other books that have tried to do that same thing haven’t. I can’t put my finger on why this book worked but it did.

Can't wait to see what C.G. writes next…

[Katharine Corr · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to be given a proof of Fall Out by the publisher, and I loved it. The book deals with some dark themes - please be aware if you're likely to be triggered by descriptions of hate crimes and self-harm - but it was wonderful to follow Cal's journey towards self-acceptance. The scene where he comes out at school (and the follow up where his mum gives the headteacher what for) is priceless. The pacing is good and there are some great characters. I really rooted for Cal, but I also completely fell for Em, his best friend. And Em's nana is a QUEEN. The exploration of messy family life was nicely nuanced (though I'm dying to know if Matt's evil queen mother is based on someone real!) and reminded me of Countless by Karen Gregory. Highly recommend.

[Amy]

Review to Come but I really liked it...

I was really excited when I was asked to review Fall Out as I was really interested in the plot to see where it was going to go. I was therefore surprised when I saw how dark that it got but I think that it was made so important.

I was surprised at how dark the book was which I don't think that I was expecting. This was because Fall Out was not afraid to go there and tackles so much that LGBTQIA+ story doesn't often tell (that I have read). In the first couple of chapters, we are literally put into Cal's world and I think that the readers are allowed to go to that place. Even though it is dark. The opening chapter was also just so shocking to me and I think that the whole book was quite well-written and I was there for the ride.

By mentioning these difficult topics, there are trigger warnings for self-harm, homophobia and grief or loss of a loved one in this book. I think that especially homophobia is often overlooked in YA because readers may want an escape from the real world but this is something that still happens and that needs to be addressed. I think that this was addressed and the book still offers hope in the latter stages in a really emotional scene towards the end of the book.

I did really connect to the characters in the book. Cal had such a strong voice and I think that we feel empathy for him from the get-go and I wanted him to succeed throughout the book. He is complicated and he gets put through a lot but again the book offers hope at the end which I did like.

I also connected to the friendship in the book, especially Em. I think sometimes the side-characters are often not there to have their own stories but this was not the case and the writing allowed us to see who she was as a character and allowed her to grow as well. I also liked the friendship in the book and how they both managed to get through the book tohgether, even though there were some tough situations.

This may be quite weird but I have read a few books later, where the main character seems to have a relationship with an older person and this book kind of kicked it off. Nevertheless, I did really like the relationship with Peggy and she really did not have a care in the world due to the condition that she is in. Her relationship with Cal was complicated and even though not wholly good, I think that it allowed him to learn about himself. This leads to some elements which I have mentioned in the trigger warnings above.

I have been one of those people who always mention that class is often an issue especially in UKYA and this was not evident in this book as Cal is working-class. It was interesting to see this play out in the book and even though it made his overall situation worse, working-class representation in books is important as many readers will be in the same situation.

Basically, I did enjoy this book and I can't wait to see what C. G. Moore writes next.

The Verdict:

Fall Out is an honest and brutal portrayal of sexuality and homophobia that is a must for all YA readers who read LGBTQIA+ book.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to the author, C.G. Moore, for sending me a copy!

I really liked this book, though it was different to the LGBT+ stories I usually read. It's a coming out story that deals with homophobia and bullying as well as the adverse affects these have on someone's mental health. It is incredibly driven by the characters and their journeys, taking you through both the dark times and the good, and I really liked the character development throughout. 

When Cal comes out, he faces backlash and homophobia in all directions to the point he feels like he has no one to turn to and confide in. He tries to seek connections and validations that continue to fail and fall apart to the point that he completely gives up and refuses to let anyone in. He always has his best friend by his side, Em, but he even feels drifts with their relationship at points.

It portrays depression and anxiety really well, especially the way it handles the feeling of loneliness. It shows how depression and anxiety can make you feel as though no one is there for you, how you can feel alone even with people by your side, and how easy it is to not see people reaching out. I think it's important to write about self-harm, though it was hard to read about and if you're triggered by that then it's definitely something to be aware of.

Homophobia is still very active today and coming out is still really difficult. I think it's a mistake to think that it is all in the past because it can make people complacent and look over what is happening around them. This book shows the dangers of homophobia and what affect that can have on a person. Cal experiences a lot of bullying at school that his teachers and parents are totally oblivious too, even when their actions form part of the bullying without them considering the repercussions. 

Overall, it deals with a lot of heavy topics, but at it's heart it is a really hopeful book that shows the benefits of letting people in and getting help when you need to. I also really loved the ending and would definitely be interested in reading a sequel!

[Tony Brown · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fantastic acceptance and coming-of-age story.

For Cal, coming out is explosive, but that is nothing to the fallout from his family, friends and foes. When events in Cal's life reach critical, he is shaken to his core. Can he rely on his loved ones to help him avoid a meltdown?

I really really enjoyed this, and want to rate it higher than I am. It was brilliant, but it was so hard-hitting that some parts of it were very difficult to read. The book deals with homophobia, depression, self-harm, bullying and hate crime. I do love a book that is thought-provoking and challenges my thoughts, but I really struggled with this one - not because it was bad, because it wasn't - but I think that this just hit a bit too close to home for me. I could feel Cal's pain, and related to him a lot - and I just wanted him to get his happy ending. We see him struggling with his mental health, the breakdown of his family, and his abuse of prescription drugs.

Like I said, this wasn't a bad book, but I think I prefer to read books that I can escape into a lot more. This was a great story, with great characters, and was written very well, but it just reminded how shitty the world can be at times.

If this sounds interesting to you, I would definitely pick it up! Its themes may make it difficult to read, but it will definitely challenge your thoughts and make you think about the world. I will be thinking about this book and its characters for a long time.

3.5/5 stars.

[Ollie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have to say I absolutely adored his book, even though I found it extremely difficult to read at times. Brutal even. It felt too close to home at times. It physically hurt me to read sections and I had to go away and have a good cry on more than a few occasions. This was partly because I could totally relate deeply to nearly everything Cal experienced because I’ve also experienced these things myself. I know how it feels to be bullied, told you are a nobody, driven to the blink time and time again. Rejected by those you love and left with the feeling of nowhere to go and no one to turn too. Does this in any way affect my overall feelings towards this book?

Not at all. We sometimes need difficult books and we need to be tested. Sure, I wouldn’t want to read books like this on a daily basis or I’d never want to get up on a morning but it’s a timely reminder that coming out as gay is not a walk in the park for everybody and that issues such as self harm, mis-use of prescription drugs, underage drinking and very low self-esteem are sadly quite common place in a lot of young gay people.

The book centres around 16-year-old Cal and begins as he comes out to his mom (she is cutting vegetables while he tells her, severs her finger ends up in A&E). Meanwhile, Cal’s fiery dad finds out what has happened, storms the A&E department and physically assaults Cal, which leads to a dramatic chain of events (an injunction followed by a stressful, forthcoming criminal court case).

Cal is then sexually assaulted in some toilets by an older man after replying to a creepy note left in Cal’s rucksack while visiting a local market. He then has a one night stand with a guy he meets at a local club and is chased out of his apartment the next morning with a golf club by the guy’s jealous partner. So things are going badly and Cal’s life descends into complete chaos.

Struggling for acceptance and with bullying at school intensifying by the day, Cal feels increasingly unable to cope.

One constant in his life is the wonderful Em, Cal’s feisty best friend, who has his best interests at heart.

I must admit I really loved her - flaws an all - for the way she takes no shit although she’s not a one-dimensional character. We also see a much softer, vulnerable side to her later in the book.

The main romantic interest in the story centres around Cal and the initially kind, thoughtful Matt. However, I’m never really confident from the start that this relationship has legs. Firstly, Cal lies to Matt from their opening dates (saying things that he thinks Matt wants to hear, rather than being true to himself). You sense that Cal can’t quite believe that someone as ‘perfect’ as Matt would fall for him and so he starts to question and doubt his motives. Furthermore, Cal’s growing insecurity is tested further when Matt’s spiteful mother turns up at a theatre date with Matt’s ex partner.

The following dialogue occurs when Matt is ordering drinks at the bar, leaving Cal and Matt’s mother alone. This passage really highlights the class divide between the two boys and the uphill battle Cal faces to gain the acceptance of this vile woman.

‘I find it interesting,’ Matt’s mother began, twisting in her seat to get a proper view, ‘that a peasant like you thinks he has a shot with someone like my son; a boy who writes songs and plays four instruments; a boy who paints and plans to become a lawyer when he’s older. You are completely out of his league and I’m here to show you how wrong you are to think that someone like Matt could ever fall for someone like you.’

So at every turn, Cal faces this wall of negativity with people telling him he is wrong, dirty, gross, not good enough and it begins to eat away at his (already low) self-esteem.

There’s always Em until there isn’t. Over time, Cal becomes frustrated with Em’s unwillingness to open up to him about her emotions and feels that the friendship is one-sided. Em’s passive aggressive responses don’t help matters and when em finds a new boyfriend in Duncan, suddenly Cal feels a little out of the loop. One of my favourite parts of the book is Cal’s unexpected but beautiful friendship with Ems Nan Peggy, who is terminally ill.

It’s really nice to see such an explosive, life living, charismatic older character in a YA book. You can certainly see where Em gets her grit and fight from ,that’s for sure!. Peggy likes a scotch or two or six and takes no shit from anyone and gives Cal an open invitation to tell her anything he wants. And he certainly does. She becomes a valuable sounding board and offers Cal plenty of advice and words of wisdom..even if her some of her methods are a bit questionable (pulling a shotgun on some intruders and giving Cal a taser to attack his bullies perhaps wasn’t the wisest..but at least she meant well!).

When Peggy passes away, it just feels inevitable that Cal will completely break..and he does. I’ve probably given away too many spoilers as it is so I’ll stop at this stage. Let’s just say things spiral out of control and he ends up in a life and death situation.

Eventually, Cal discovers that the most important things in life include owning who you are, finding your true identity and trying to find peace with those who matter the most to you. So he sets about making very difficult - but much needed - changes to his life, which require amazing bravery and lots of support (including professional help).

This isn’t a sugar coated ending but it does offer comfort and the possibility of a new beginning. We see chinks of hope and we hope and pray that Cal will be ok. I’m sure he will be with some rocky roads at times.

I like the raw honesty and the growing maturity of Cal. The author could have played it safe and given him a glorious reunion with Matt, the two sailing into the sunset together and living happily ever after..but we all know, real life doesn’t work like that. Romance doesn’t cure all and by the final pages of this novel, we are well aware that it’s a very long way down the priorities of a slowly recovering Cal.

A beautiful book that gives us all hope and the courage to truly find - and embrace with everything we have - who we really are.

[Tony DeHaan · Rating 3 out of 5]

It starts as a standard novel: teenage boy is gay, his mother hates it, his father detests him, he is bullied at school, but he has (of course...) a female friend whom he can tell everything. So far nothing new. But somewhere in this novel there is a turning point, somehow the story gets better, more interesting, more engrossing, for at one point Cal (the main character) is spiraling into a depression and with a razor starts to cut himself. And the book has an open ending: will Cal survive or not?

[Katina Wright · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sixteen-year-old Cal’s attempt at coming-out to his mum does not go to plan. In fact, it is a disaster he could not have foreseen. Add to this a couple of cringeworthy distressing dates and constant abuse from bullies at school, and soon Cal begins to feel overwhelmed. In ‘Fall Out’ C.G. Moore explores emotive themes but, through Cal’s compelling narrative voice he handles them with honesty and humour. I quickly cared about Cal and became fully invested in his journey. The mix of conflict and fun in his relationships with family, friends and boyfriends is entertaining, sometimes sad, and often revealing. The secondary characters are vibrant and captivating, providing a loveable cast for Cal’s story. There is page-turning tension but equally hope, strength and value are found in Cal’s journey to self-acceptance.

‘Fall Out’ is passionate, fast paced, raw and honest. Encouraging tears and laughter it is both heart-breaking and heart-warming. Cal was loveable and his story relatable. This important and gripping book captured my heart. A must-read recommendation.

[Alan Gorman · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun read that shows the up's and downs throughout Cal's life as he learns to accept himself. It's an easy to pick up and read book, perfect for lunchtime readings or bus journey's as chapters tend to be quite short making it easy to keep track of where you are but by no means is it a short book!

Plenty of world building and with the expectation of the love interest story line a very real and true to life experience about coming out to family and how it isn't always a smooth ride. Enjoyable book and definitely one I'd recommend to friends if they wanted a light read for over the summer!

[Jade Doodes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book based around self acceptance and over-coming adversity. As somebody whose had to come out myself I really connected with the story, although thankfully I never had to deal with what the character in the book did, it is a sad reality that many face though. Whilst there’s a lot of triggers in this book, I definitely recommend it.

[Charlotte · Rating 5 out of 5]

A hard hitting, brutally honest look into the darker side of coming to terms with your sexuality. An absolute rollercoaster of emotions, my heart went out to Cal the entire time!

Was gripped from start to finish and helped to get me out of a reading slump I was in!

[Mimi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book! TW: it includes severe bullying, selfharm and homophobia. Definitely a tough story to read.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly, the fallout in this novel felt so overdone I thought it was dark comedy.