Flesh tearing from flesh.The pain like liquid in my lungs.I drop to my knees and vomit on the carpet. The me in the bed is dead.
My cheek is on his bare chest and I can hear his heart beat. It’s steady and strong and I’m so thankful. He’s here and he’s safe and we’re together. His arm is around and over me, pulling me close. I close my eyes and listen. Babump. Babump. My breathing matches the rhythm. We breathe in sync and I’m happy in that moment.
I don’t know the nightmare’s coming.
His heart beats faster and his breathing’s not right. It’s like he’s sucking air between his teeth, but I look up at him and his mouth is closed. He looks back at me, but not really. It’s more like he looks right through me. His eyes are as cold as our bedroom and the thin nightgown I wear is suddenly not enough.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
He jerks to a sitting position and I do my best to follow suit.
“No,” he says, “I need to go. I’ll be right back.”
He climbs out of bed, throws on the jeans he’d left on the floor, and walks out the door. I call to him to wait, to please stay, to tell me what’s wrong and how I can help. He turns back for a moment and looks at me, actually looks at me, his eyes filled with pain. “I’ll be right back,” he says. “I promise.”
He doesn’t come back.
I pace back and forth, back and forth, stopping at the window to pray. It’s one of those deep winter nights when the moon’s gone missing and the sky is black as death.
“Blind in the shadows, searching for me,” I sing quietly, not wanting to wake the children but needing to do something, anything, to distract me from the fear sitting heavy in my stomach. “Alone in the dark, give me eyes to see.”
He’ll be right back. He promised.
“Beyond the midnight, beyond the fear.” My voice cracks when the tears come. “There’s only silence, give me ears to hear.”
That’s when the screaming starts.
LISTEN is a horror story for those torn apart by betrayal and those who’d try to understand the brutality. It is also a spiritual story of hope and freedom found.
For all who’ve experienced this nightmare-You are seen. You are heard.You are beautiful. You are free.