Handle with Care: How Jesus Redeems the Power of Touch in Life and Ministry

by Lore Ferguson Wilbert

Whether it’s fearful side hugs on one side or sexual abuse on the other, both the culture and the church aren’t doing very well with touch. Singles are staying single longer, dating is wrought with angst over purity, and marriages struggle to not interpret all forms of touch as sexual. Even the Bible seems to have endless rules about not touching things. There is simply no place where touch doesn’t seem threatened or threatening. 

But a curious thing happens when Jesus comes into His He touches. Jesus touches the sick and the outcast, the bleeding and the unclean. 

What could it mean for families, singles, marriages, churches, communities, and the world to have healthy, pure, faithful, ministering touch? Somewhere in the mess of our assumptions and fears about touch, there is something beautiful and good and God-given. As Jesus can show us, there is ministry in touching.

Genres: Christian, Christian Living, Nonfiction, Theology, Faith, Christianity, Christian Non Fiction

206 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 1, 2020

Reviews

[Rachel Welcher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lore writes with a full voice of conviction. She is brave like a teacher, and humble like a friend - the kind who will tell you the truth while hugging you tight.

[Allyson Howell (Todd) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lore's book tackles a subject most Christians don't know what to do about. We're either scared of touch, think its evil, idolize it, or have a myriad of other opinions about touch. Lore Wilbert doesn't provide a "how to touch" guide, but rather a "how to think about touch" guide. I was convicted, helped, stirred, and overall thankful for this much-needed work. The best writing takes either takes something familiar to us and helps us see how unfamiliar it really is, or takes something unfamiliar and makes it feel familiar to us. This book does both. Something as familiar to us as touch is illumined so that we see how much we really don't know about what Jesus says about it. And something as unfamiliar as an others-minded theology of touch is fleshed out in a way that makes it accessible to us. Much more can be and will be said, but all Christians should read this book, and I truly believe that.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

“...I was silent, and she said, “Remember you’re only human and, at the very least, that means you’re a body. Don’t forget you have a body.””

The incarnation of Christ and our own embodied-ness has come to the forefront in conversations in the Church within the past few years. What do we do with these bodies of ours?

In Lore’s book, she focuses on touch. Touch has become scandalized in Western culture in many ways—and especially in the Christian church. Touch has become sexualized, narrowing and limiting the contexts where we can express and receive healthy touch. We are afraid to touch the opposite sex, afraid to touch children, afraid of touching many different kinds of people lest our touch be misinterpreted. But we are also sometimes afraid to touch and of being touched because of our families, personal histories, and/or health conditions. Although touch was created to be a way for us to show care and affection to others, it has in many cases become perverted and clouded by fear and and/or pain (for many complex reasons).

How do we respond to this gap between the touch we were intended to give and receive and the touch we struggle to give and receive? Lore Wilbert delves into these questions with compassion and examples from the life of Christ. She is one of those rare female writers in the Christian writing sphere who speaks with humility, conviction, and beauty within a theologically faithful framework. I finished the book feeling encouraged and challenged.

If you have struggled through the meaning and/or application of healthy touch, read this book. If you haven’t struggled through it, but know others who have, read this book. If you are dating and wondering what purity really looks like, read this book. If you are married and wrestling through how to show your spouse affection that isn’t always sexual, read this book. If you are not a “touchy” person, read this book. If you long for the touch of others, read this book. If none of these categories fit you, look up the #HWCbook hashtag on social media and read more about the book. But even if you feel like none of these circumstances fit yours, you probably know someone whose life does. If that’s the case, then perhaps you will learn some ways for how to love that person better by reading this book.

(I received an Advanced Reader's Copy of the book from the publisher. Wilbert’s book comes out on February 4, 2020.)

[Ruth · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a gift of a book. Personally, I love how well Wilbert articulates the oft-times touch-deficient experience of long-term singleness. There's a lot more here than simply that, of course, but given my situation, that's the section that resonated most strongly.

Since she has written more from the perspective of philosophy and theology of touch rather than settled rules to regulate application, we shouldn't read this book alone. We need to share each other's wisdom and experience to navigate how we can minister well in our own communities. Read this with a few friends and discuss the points together.

[Jeanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

As it turns out, "the purity movement had a good intention, a good motivation (chastity), but its sales pitch, of using sex as the most important thing to sell abstinence, actually led people to value and to focus on the wrong thing. Sex is merely a crumb of the appetizer to the feast of God has prepared for us. Even after the best sex, we will always be wanting more. We must touch with eternity in mind.

The above statement resonated with me because I think it represents the book as a whole that we have a misunderstanding of touch. In our over sexual culture, we look at touch as sexual and not as a ministry. I have followed Lore Ferguson Wilbert's blog for some time. I have enjoyed her writing and how she articulates the gospel that it goes deep into my heart. I have included a link to her blog.
http://www.sayable.net/blog/2019/11/2...

I was thrilled to see that she had written a book as she takes experience and applies the gospel. She gives you a background of how her family life, her single life and now her married life. Our lives like hers involve touch. Some of us back away from touch while others gravitate towards touch. Touch can be a their love language. How they express love and give love.

Why is touch a ministry? It is a way for us to connect in a deeper level. To feel and to give love. In the church because of the sexual culture we are in, touch is limited and half hugs or more telling that touch is bad when it may be the very thing a soul needs. The book is a conversation about how Jesus used touch for ministry. And it is great start for us as well. Highly recommend.

A Special Thank You to B & H Publishing Group and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.

[Rachel Hafler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, this is such an important book.

Touch is such a sticky topic in our culture and many people avoid touch altogether out of fear. Lore writes beautifully about the importance of touch and points us back to Jesus and His ministry. Jesus used touch as a means of healing and a way to acknowledge a person's humanity. He didn't just speak healing, but many times chose to touch the leper or place his hands over the blind man's eyes. We have the chance to offer others a similar ministering and healing touch.

Lore does not give guidelines or how-to's for touch, but rather invites us to transform our mindset around physical touch and consider its proper place in our lives. I've read Lore's words for years and this book is a faithful outpouring of her wisdom. Her words are full of truth and love and healing.

I LOVE this book and would highly recommend it to anyone with a body. ;)

*I received an Advanced Reader's Copy of the book from the publisher. All opinions are my own.*

[Annette Wagoner · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t touch people. That has been my default response after 14 years of teaching public high school students. It just wasn’t at school where I refrained from touching people, but in all areas of my life since as long as I can remember. There are those few moments and those few people who have broken through that tough outer shell that I have built for decades, but those are few and far between.

Then when I stared reading Lore Ferguson Wilbert’s new book Handle With Care, I became more aware of how much physical, non-sexual, touch is needed by people today. My eyes became opened to those around me who are aching for any kind of physical interaction, but because of too many societal fears haven’t been able to ask for the touch that they need.

Handle With Care isn’t just a book about touching. It is also a book about becoming more Christ like and Christ centered in our relationships with others. Jesus came into this world in flesh and physically interacted with us. He touched the unclean when words would have been enough to do the job. He let himself be touched by the outcasts of society. He touched his disciples’ feet; even the one who would betray him. If we are to be more like Christ, we have to humbly be like Christ and be willing to use appropriate touch when others are in need.

Mrs. Wilbert challenges me to think about my physical interaction with others, but not in a condemning way. The challenge is to be more like Christ in the way I touch my husband, my children, my friends (single and married), and strangers that I meet. This book will keep you thinking about it for days to come.

[Tabitha McDuffee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Handle With Care is a special book.

Yes, it’s a much-needed and sorely overdue treatment of the issue of touch written from a robustly biblical perspective. But what is even more special than the subject is Lore herself. She approaches authorship, theology, and her own influence in Christian circles with an attitude of humility and authenticity from which I believe we all can learn.

Lore has been doing slow and faithful work for decades. She didn’t write Handle With Care with the intention of “making it big” or becoming a best-selling Christian author, but because publishing it was the way she could best be obedient to God in this season of her life. And that is exactly what makes its message as rich, potent, and sincere as it is.

If you’re interested to know how God desires Christians to think about the role of healthy, ministering touch in our lives, this book will not disappoint.

[Kristen Neely · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Your story is infinitely complex and different than mine, and this one book can’t give answers to the complicated stories, narratives, and journeys we’re all on with touch... My aim again and again will be to show you to the grandness of God, His love for you, His love for others, and how that should inform how you think about and practice touch. My goal is to broaden the pastures of touch in which you run.”

I love that Lore didn’t seek to give us a “one size fits all” prescription for how we should handle touch in our lives. She acknowledges, again and again, that it *is* a hard topic, and that we are all on our own journey with touch. Every single person we encounter is also on their own journey with how they want and receive touch. But the challenges of the topic don’t mean it is one we should just avoid.

Each chapter she thoughtfully asks us to examine how we interact with or touch those around us. She addresses hot-topic movements in our culture such as self-care, purity culture, and the “me too movement”, and asks us to consider where we may have gone astray in legalism and even in putting our own comforts over the needs of our friends and neighbors. She works through touch of self, touch with our unmarried friends, in dating relationships, marriage, and in parenting.

I think we all have something we can learn from this book. It may not be a comfortable or easy read, but I think it can make each of us a better friend and neighbor. It is a special thing to be able to challenge someone with grace, but I think that Lore does it so well.

(I received an Advanced Reader's Copy of this book from the publisher.)

[Sommer Wilkerson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw and vulnerable, while being thoughtfully restrained. In a culture rampant with a abuse and that has sexualized every touch, each one of us needs to take a look at our own thoughts and patterns in regards to physical touch. Can the power of touch between humans be redeemed by Christ? Examining the ministry of Christ is a wise place to start. Lore shares some of her own story to lend insight into her perspective, many quotes from respected thinkers/authors, and most importantly relies heavily on Scripture content to guide the thoughts and questions she raises about how we view and use touch as believers and followers of Christ. If you are looking for concrete answers and rules to instate this is not the book you are looking for. You will be lead in these chapters to thoughtfully consider how we as humans were created to interact with each other in various relationships, how our Creator God had lead the way in the way He created us, how God the Son-Jesus went against the teaching of His day to touch/be touched by the sick, the outcasts, and the women, and the children, his friends, and the crowds, and how the Holy Spirit indwelling believers should be an active guide in how we touch and are touched by others.

[Brianna Smith Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have followed Lore’s blog for many years and her words have always struck a chord in my heart that not many others do. In a world of quick fixes, Lore offers gospel truth that seeps in to truly transform. Will this book offer you a checklist of dos and don’ts when it comes to healthy and holy touch? No. But what it will do is offer a beautiful picture of Christ’s healing and holy touch and how that provides a hope and pattern for our own. This is a book I know I will turn to again and again as I navigate my own narrative and practice of touch.

I received an Advanced Reader’s Copy from the publisher.

[Kinsey Owen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was so glad to read this book and thought it was very well done. I love the way that Lore uses personal experience and story, robust research and quotations, and many, many Bible passages (in context!) to flesh out each chapter of this book. Touch isn't something I have spent a lot of time thinking about, but now I will, and many things in this book resonated with me. I think many people will read this book and feel seen and known and loved and hopefully experience healing through Lore's words.

I received an Advanced Reader's Copy of the book from the publisher.

[Jennie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have you ever thought about the word “touch” and what does the Bible say about it? In all honesty, I have not, and if you were to ask me about it ~ I am one of those people who like space, someone who puts up imaginary boundary lines, not really a hugging type of person. I am sure this is a weakness of mine and I really don’t have much of an answer as to why I am this way until I read this book. I know there are others out there similar to me, but we can’t begin to understand why someone else is the way they are, unless you have lived their life, understood their circumstances, know about their past, feelings, etc… Which is so important to remember and something she shares about. She tackles this tough topic in a very Biblical way, while also sharing her personal experience and research of the subject. Lore provided me with a lot to think about and learn. She makes a point to share in the beginning her purpose of this book:
“The grandness of God, His love for you, His love for others, and how that should inform how you think about and practice touch…to make you think about how you touch, who you touch, why you touch, where you touch, when you touch, and what you touch – but never to tell you…but point you to Christ and implore you to think about how He was touched and touched others, and to allow His actions and His love for you to bear weight on how you give and receive touch.”
In this book, she talks about many of the root problems we have about touch and some of the confusion out there. Where society sometimes gets it wrong, how our history affects us. Of course, this topic can be difficult for some, especially if you have dealt with abuse or been assaults. Lore addresses these areas in a compassionate and healthy way.
Couple of my favorite quotes I took from the book:
To be like Jesus, we must submit to the reality that we have physical limitations and requirements for our bodies to function and carry out the vocation and purpose God has intended.
Ministering touch done in the light is a good and glorious thing.
If we are children of God and we know we are loved, then we ought at first to love God. But part of loving God much means generously loving others – particularly those who are marginalized.
I can see this book being really great and helpful for church leaders, counselors, and missionaries especially. However, I also found much to learn from and gain from her experience and the wisdom she brings to it.

[Elena Forsythe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book so much. Lore covers so many critical topics for believers who want to imitate Jesus’ care for people. I think what hit me most deeply is that Jesus was not limited by what people think, he did whatever was necessary to show the love of God to the people in front of him. I pray I will learn to do the same.

Read this book.

[Miranda Kuykendall · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've followed Lore's writing for the last five years or so and have learned so much from her perspective. In Handle with Care, Lore has thoughtfully laid out so many things for the reader to consider about touch and its impact. She is careful to consider those who have endured trauma, while also encouraging all readers to think more deeply and often about touch. The book shares a number of Scriptural examples of healing touch, discusses touch for both single and married people, and points out how we can move away from the false ideas about touch that sprung from "purity culture". I had a hard time putting it down because so much of what she wrote made me feel seen, had me saying, "Me, too". I think most readers will find something of their own experiences therein, too.

Lore's book encouraged me to think more about touch in daily life as a single person living in a community of predominantly single people. It caused me to pay more attention to how I approach embracing people I love, talking about how they feel most comfortable receiving love, and encouraging people to connect more deeply in meaningful ways. Highly recommend this book.

(I received an Advanced Reader's Copy of the book from the publisher.)

[Aylin Merck · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Lore writes, I pay attention. She is a thoughtful and thought provoking writer. This book made me think about how I use touch to love & serve others intentionally. She challenges the reader to consider their own stories and how those stories influence how they feel about touch and why (either being touched or touching others). This whole book is timely and relevant to where the church is today. The chapters on singleness and marriage are especially helpful. This book will be serve anyone who is intent on loving others well. It would a tremendous help in counseling and discipleship.
An important note: Lore is very tenderhearted towards the reader who has experienced abuse and is very careful and nuanced in the way she handles this topic.

[Paola Barrera · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you're not familiar with Lore's writing this book will be a wonderful introduction to it. She writes about hard things in a beautiful way. This is how I usually describe it to friends. A topic as mundane and yet uneasy as phisical touch, written from a Christian perspective isn't something a lot of people can pull off with both grace and clarity. She can. It will grab you by the heart after a few pages and make you think about phisical touch, how you do it, receive it, and view it, in a way that confronts you and invites you. It's beautiful and hard, and so worthwhile. It meets a need for thoughtful and honest discussion about the skin we wear and what it means to carry it.

[Cheyenne Boluyt]

I was blown away by this book. I think it’s a helpful read for anyone, but especially those in ministry in any capacity. Lore takes a subject, touch, that much of modern evangelicalism has deconstructed, but very little, if any, time reconstructing. This is not a “do’s and don’ts” book, but a thoughtful, theological analysis with Lore’s own story interwoven.

[Melissa Cran · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lore writes excellently about the subject of touch in a society that seemingly only knows the avoidance of touch or touch that harms. Using the interactions Jesus had with people, Lore shows how touch ministers deeply to people when we change how we view people not as objects of our affections but as the subjects of God's love.

[Candice Kraus · Rating 5 out of 5]

I may rewrite this once I've had more time to contemplate, but this is absolutely a must-read for Christians. I've never read or even heard of a theology of touch before, and with the state of our churches today, it's obvious that there is a gaping hole in the way we think of this. This book provides a way forward for healthy touch in a culture with so much fear of their touch being misconstrued or with purity culture ringing in their ears. Profound, beautifully worded, a must read for sure.

[MK Wildeman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lore's book isn't a how-to on touch, but instead she opens up an unheard conversation about ministering touch. Using biblical and thoughtful sources, it is clear Lore is in good company by addressing the confusing topic of touch. This is a must read as culture and the church navigate touch.

Disclaimer: I received an Advanced Reader's Copy of the book from the publisher

[Brooke Ledbetter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received an Advanced Reader’s Copy of the book from the publisher. I cannot recommend it enough. I’ve been talking about it non-stop with friends and family as I’ve read it. You won’t find step by step instructions on how and when to touch, but what you will find is a redeemed view of what healthy touch is in the midst of a current culture that is utterly confused about it and thoughtful rhetoric to help you reconsider how you handle touch in your own life.

This book caused me to think about how I can use touch to care for the people in my life - friends, family, and even strangers. Often with books of this nature I read them and then quickly forget them, but this topic and Lore’s helpful words and unique voice stuck with me and had me constantly considering what I had read as I went about my day. This book has deeply affected me and others in my life as we discuss how to reclaim healthy touch in our lives. If I could make every person I know read her chapter on singleness and how lack of touch is affecting the singles in the church, I would. It was truly insightful, heartbreaking, and needed, as were the rest of the chapters. Even if you don’t think you need this book, I promise you, you do. The church has largely lost the art of caring touch, its time we start working to learn it again.

[Breanna Schmidt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about the ministry and theology of touch. It made me squeamish at first because I long ago relegated physical contact to only what was absolutely necessary. In this book Lore makes a compelling argument to why I need (and probably you) to rethink that. Lore chose a really important time to write this book. I love her writing because it isn't indulgent catharsis which stands in contrast to many other Christian writers right now. This book challenged me and made me uncomfortable in really needed ways. She weaves her story through the book which carries it along well. If you want a book that may make you a bit uncomfortable for the sake of growth and expansion I highly reccomend Handle With Care!

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a theology book unlike any I’ve read before, addressing important issues of physical care toward each other through touch. It’s not a prescriptive guide, and some will certainly want that, but it should prove to be an important conversation starter on the subject of affectionate, non-sexual touch and its use in the body of Christ. (I received an advanced reader's copy of this book from the publisher.)

[Tresta Payne · Rating 5 out of 5]

In calling us to Christ-likeness, Lore reminds us of the part of ministry we so often avoid in our culture—appropriate touch—without offering prescriptions or lists. The book makes you think, prompts great discussions with your dating-age kids, and may challenge your notions about who is untouchable.
Lore has written a book that I didn't know I needed, and now I'm more aware of people who may need a hug. That's reason enough to recommend this book.

[Kait · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't recall when I first started following Lore on social media but I do know that I have been deeply impressed and inspired by her ability to write so beautifully on a variety of topics (see her blog sayable.net). So when I heard she was going to write a book on touch, I was immediately excited. We so often associate touch with sexuality and eroticism; and this is true within secular culture ("When Harry Met Sally") as well as the church ("I Kissed Dating Goodbye")! But as Lore writes so graciously and truthfully, that is a misunderstanding of what it means to touch and to be touched. Within the pages of her book, Lore unfolds from Scripture how the life of Christ is our example in not only giving loving touch but also receiving it. Tackling topics like childhood wounds, abuse, same-sex and opposite sex friendships, touch within ministry, and intimacy in marriage, Lore leaves nothing, dare I say, untouched as she explores this fraught topic, showing us there is nothing to be afraid of when Jesus and His Word–not rules!–are our guide.

*I received an Advanced Reader's Copy of the book from the publisher.

[Liz Lockwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

Handle With Care beautifully highlights every person's experience of living within a physical body - with all the physical desires and ailments that are present within - while also giving a sound, theological perspective that finds hope in our Creator God, who made these very bodies. This book is an excellent example of theology in practice.

The subject of physical touch in the year 2020 is not an easy one. For most, it brings certain confusion and positive and negative memories alike. For some, the topic of touch brings mostly reminders of pain or trauma. Lore Ferguson Wilbert has approached a subject that brings an undoubtedly wide array of experiences with grace, care and guidance, rooted in the very example of Jesus himself - who touched with care and was Himself, touched in both tender and harmful ways.

It has been quite some time since I read a resource that resonated so firmly within me. The myriad of underlines and arrows and exclamation points in the pages of my copy are truths that I will return to in the months and years ahead. The affirmation that physical touch can be a restorative and dignifying act is wildly important. Within a topic rife with confusion, this book provides helpful instruction on physical touch that is transparent, affirming and wholesome.

Whether physical touch is a subject that brings fear or comfort to you, I believe that Handle With Care will meet you where you are. Grounded in a strong theology and written from a gentle perspective, Handle With Care is the book on physical touch that has been needed for quite some time.

I received an Advanced Reader's Copy of the book from the publisher.

[Sherise · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been a faithful reader of Lore’s blog for a couple years now and have come to deeply appreciate her poetic yet down-to-earth voice. Her touch on difficult topics is gentle yet unafraid of firm Truth.

Knowing that, I expected to love Handle With Care, and I wasn’t disappointed. Lore handles the topic of touch beautifully. She covers many the kinds of touch we give and receive in our various relationships (marriage, children, family, the church, professionally, socially, etc.) and the ways our experiences shape the way we give and receive. She does this by exploring the ways her experiences have shaped her relationship with touch and by exploring what God teaches us about touch.

I found the book well researched, artfully written, and a true delight. I believe we all need some level of healing in our relationship with touch and I recommend Handle With Care as an excellent tool to take along on that journey.


I received an advance copy of Handle With Care from the publisher. All opinions are my own.

[Sara Fukuda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is really thought provoking.

A gentle but challenging book on a terribly important subject. How do we think about touch, and our bodies? Touching others? Touching ourselves?
How did Jesus minister to people?

How important is touch? (Spoiler: extremely!)

I read this book after a string of trauma-related books and books about the sexual abuse crisis. It was a breath of fresh air to remember God created us in bodies intending for us to use our bodies to love and minister to others. Definitely made me linger a bit longer over the 100s of hugs my toddlers give me every day.

(I received this book early from the publisher, but am being in no way compensated or influenced in my review)

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Handle With Care is a book that is timely and needed. As I read, I was convicted, encouraged, and made to think deeply about the way I both give and receive touch.

Lore has a way of presenting her thoughts in a way that is biblical, honest, and gentle. I appreciate her thoughts so much and am going forward with an entirely renewed view of my own body and the bodies of everyone around me. I am so thankful for Lore and her work on this book. I can already feel a shift in the way I'm considering and discerning my thoughts and views surrounding touch-for the better.

I HIGHLY recommend this book.

(I received an Advanced Reader's Copy of the book from the publisher.)