The Dysfunctional Dance Of The Empath And Narcissist: Create Healthy Relationships By Healing Childhood Trauma

by Rita Louise

When people enter into a new relationship, they do not go looking for the rotten apple at the bottom of the barrel. However, countless individuals repeatedly find themselves in these hurtful situations and do not understand why. A recent Facebook survey of people who self-identify as being empathic revealed a startling insight. Over 80% of the 1,300 respondents disclosed they had suffered from some form of abuse or neglect during their childhood. Organizations, such as the American Psychiatric Association, have also identified early childhood trauma as the cause for the development of severe narcissist tendencies. An interesting dynamic often develops between the loving, compassionate, and often selfless empaths and those willing to take from them, the self-serving narcissists. Both look to heal their inner wounds in the arms of the other. The Dysfunctional Dance Of The Empath And Narcissist takes an in-depth look at the unconscious patterns that keep individuals trapped in cycles of abusive relationships. It endeavors to raise people's awareness to the ingrained programming going on deep inside and help the reader understand how they keep getting into these situations in the first place. Regardless of what happened to a person when they were young, they have the power to redefine themselves and their life. It is possible to break free of these destructive, negative patterns and finally experience the loving, healthy relationship they have always desired. A survivor or childhood abuse, herself, Dr. Rita Louise has emerged as a gifted empath and talented clairvoyant medical intuitive. She is a Naturopathic physician and the founder of the Institute Of Applied Energetics that trains students in the art of medical intuition, intuitive counseling, and energy medicine. She has authored six books and produced several feature-length and short films. Dr. Louise has appeared on radio, television and in movies and has lectured on health and healing, ghosts, intuition, ancient mysteries and the paranormal. Her books and articles have worldwide circulation.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help

330 pages, Paperback

Published January 12, 2020

About the author

Bestselling author, Medical Intuitive, Dr. Rita Louise is the host of Just Energy Radio and the Founder of the Institute Of Applied Energetics. She is the author of three books as well as hundreds of articles that have been published worldwide. She has appeared on radio, television and has spoken at conferences covering topics such as health and healing, ghosts, intuition, ancient mysteries and the paranormal.

Reviews

[J. Schlenker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Recommending on Many Levels

At the very beginning I thought it was a memoir because the author began with relating her own background of abuse. I realized, however, this was merely an introduction regarding the motivation behind the writing of the book.

I wasn’t really sure if this was a book I wanted to read at this point in my life, feeling I didn’t want to revisit what was my past, or hopefully my past. But I gleaned new insights into the many intersections of personalities, archetypes, and varying degrees of abusive patterns I think most find themselves dealing with at some point in life. I found myself highlighting a lot of passages, the sign of a good book for me.

About two-thirds of the way in, as an author of fiction, I found a dual purpose in the book—the perfect source for identifying character flaws to incorporate into my fictional characters.

The author doesn’t just describe the many traits that help to determine a particular type, she also gives coping and healing mechanisms.

I think the underlying message is forgiveness and acceptance.

So, in conclusion, I would recommend this book on many levels.

[R. Walraven · Rating 5 out of 5]

We’ve all been victims of narcissists, whether we recognize them or not. Being an empath, I have been personally victimized by narcissists throughout my life. After reading several books on how to break free, I gave myself permission to be victim-free. I thought I had accomplished all I needed to. While reading Dr. Louise’s book, The Dysfunctional Dance of the Empath and Narcissist, I realize I still have much to learn from her. What I want is to be my authentic self, no matter what anyone else thinks. I also want only healthy relationships in love, family, and friends. Dr. Louise writes,
“In a healthy relationship, there should be a give and take of support, an ebb and flow, an equal exchange of energy. This dynamic is called interdependence, and it is a beautiful thing.” She explains the difference between co-dependence and interdependence. That is a wake-up call for me.
Dr. Louise writes in a straightforward manner, helping the reader recognize red flags. Further, she gives detailed information on how to cope and overcome those challenges. She defines the problem and helps us to understand the why’s of what, from birth on, that cause us to become victims, gives examples and situations for us to help recognize narcissists and ourselves, and goes even further in explaining how the emotion affects us physically as well as psychologically. We all hear about setting boundaries. She shows us how to do that effectively. I am especially grateful for that specific focus.
I journaled the book and will return often to my favorite quotations from her book.
“Fear forces us to tolerate life events that should cause us to walk away…. Addressing our fears is all about choices—you can choose to move forward or you can choose to stand still marking time.”
“Being authentic allows us to love and accept ourselves at our core, to do what makes us happy, and to follow our passions regardless of who we may disappoint.” That really hit home! Dr Louise has given me permission and shown me how to be my authentic self. I appreciate having read this book.

[_inbetween_]

I hadn't seen the cover, but the title promised a focus on the dynamic between empath and narcissist. The table of content looks promising, it was surprisingly clear, without the poetic titles one couldn't link to the subject, and the order made sense.

But the moment you try to look into a specific chapter, the hot air collapses. It is just surface level knowledge, and where it states less well known causes and effects, it only states them. There is nothing helpful here. This book is neither for an academic or medic, nor a self-help book, an fact in that respect it could be downright dangerous.
The only target audience it might work for are women who mistakenly take up the terminology, because men are traditionally less focussed on others than they are. The cover is terrible and if someone is justified in thinking they are in this situation, this book won't help them. But if they're not, and genuinely feel like a mouth sewn together with rough thread is theirs, well, everyone accusses everyone else of narcissism today.
And this trend endangers everyone who, knowingly or unknowingly, is in this situation.

Will be a quick read.


ETA: I'm not sure if I actually read it, most likely not all of it, but would like to ad some vital information about books on this specific subject: it is (allegedly) known at universities that the authors (and many authorities) tend to be narcissists themselves. That doesn't make them charlatans per se, as NPD makes them unable to acknowledge what they are. Perhaps this explains why the handful of books on this particular subject that I found all have heartbreaking descriptions and less convincing solutions, a tiny paragraph on how to "overcome" each of the harmful effects for example.

(not sure if DNF)

[Eneysah Davud · Rating 1 out of 5]

A Masterclass in Victim-Blaming, Sprinkled with Magic Purple Dust.


Dr. Rita Louise’s The Dysfunctional Dance Of The Empath And Narcissist is the exact kind of victim-blaming nonsense you hear in a drum circle at a wellness retreat.
Her grand thesis is that if you are trapped by a narcissist, it’s because your unhealed childhood trauma made you a magnet for them.


Thank you, Dr. Louise. Let me just check my notes. Nope, I wasn't abused as a child.
I was abused later in life when my protective parent died, leaving me vulnerable.
Apparently, I missed the memo that my trauma "attracted" my abuser.


She claims that empaths are drawn to narcissists because they sense a "wounded child" and want to fix them. Really?
How does that explain my toxic boss?
I wasn't drawn to him; I was repelled by him.
I didn't want to fix his inner child; I wanted to hit him with a stapler.
There was no "addiction" or "dysfunctional dance."
I was simply a subordinate being crushed by a predator.


Her advice for co-parenting is the famous "Gray Rock" method. Oh, brilliant! Just act boring! That will definitely stop a sociopath from weaponizing your children in family court.
You don’t need a ruthless lawyer; you just need to be uninteresting.


But the real fun starts in the healing section. Forget grieving, crying, or actual therapy.
Dr. Louise wants you to heal your trauma with "Aura Fluffing," smudging, and my personal favorite: using imaginary "Magic Purple Dust" to deprogram fear and resentment.
Wow.

In reality the reason abusers target vulnerable people isn't because the vulnerable have "unhealed trauma that impairs their recognition."
It's because abusers are predators who specifically seek out people who lack power, resources, and protection. The vulnerability is structural, not psychological.

Healing your trauma may stabilize your nervous system but it doesn't give you power you don't have.
It doesn't make the courts fair.
It doesn't make the abuser stop.
It doesn't put money in your account or a lock on your door.


If you are looking for actual healing material there are much much better books out there.
Save your money on this one, unless you need a coaster for your healing crystals.

[Pat Jennings · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had this book 35 years ago. The descriptions of both the empath and the narcissist were on point. The best information was how to treat oneself. The specific exercises to help identify the empath's weaknesses to recognize and overcome the causes of accepting unacceptable behavior were impressive.
This is a wonderful reference book for adults who have had childhood trauma.

[Randi-Lee Bowslaugh · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book may not be everyone's cup of tea but it does get to the point of dysfunctional relationships. Explaining techniques that abuser use and strategies to help overcome them. This is a heavy read but worth it.