The Self Delusion: The Surprising Science of How We Are Connected and Why That Matters

by Tom Oliver

The Self Delusion makes the bold claim that our faith in the primacy and indivisibility of the individual is in fact false. On a physical, psychological and cultural level, we are all much more intertwined than we know:

- We cannot use our bodies to define our independent existence, because most of our 37.2 trillion cells have such a short lifespan that we are essentially made anew every few weeks
- The molecules that make up our bodies have already been component parts of countless other organisms, from ancient plants to dinosaurs
- We are more than half non-human, in the form of bacteria and protozoa cells and genes, some of which can influence our moods and even manipulate our behaviour
- And we cannot define ourselves by our minds, thoughts and actions, because these mainly originate from other people - the result of memes passing between us, existing before, after and beyond our own lifespans

But that doesn't mean we should all simply reject the evolutionary illusion of individualism that has allowed us to succeed as a species. Instead, Tom Oliver makes the compelling argument that we have a better chance of facing some of the big global challenges ahead, such as loneliness, social inequality and environmental damage, if we can start to understand and accept the complex connections between us and see beyond our individualistic mindsets to view our place in the world as it really is.

Genres: Science, Nonfiction, Psychology, Philosophy, Nature, Ecology, Sociology

304 pages, Hardcover

Published January 23, 2020

About the author

Tom Oliver is a businessman, global social entrepreneur, artist, philanthropist, and visionary who has worked with some of the world’s leading figures, such as Desmond Tutu, the Dalai Lama, and the CEOs of several Fortune 500 companies.

Tom Oliver is the Founder and Chair of the global Leadership Circle at the Manchester Business School in the United Kingdom, where he teaches and mentors MBA students from dozens of countries. Oliver grew up in Germany and the USA; he attended the Wharton School of Finance and Commerce at the University of Pennsylvania and completed a master’s degree in economics at the University of Cologne in Germany.

Oliver is the founder and CEO of the World Peace Foundation and the founder of the World Peace Festival, which Nobel Peace Prize laureate Desmond Tutu called “the most influential peace gathering in history.” The World Peace Foundation has been supported by many dignitaries and Nobel Prize laureates and by an impressive list of international partners, including the United Nations, Virgin, and Google, philanthropists such as Peter Buffett, and business leaders such as Richard Branson.

His expertise is sought after by corporations including Google, financial institutions such as the World Bank, and business schools such as Kellogg School of Management. The European Parliament, the UN, and several governments including those of Austria and China have invited Tom to address the world’s leaders.

Tom Oliver is dedicated to the concept of business as a catalyst for social change. He has been a member of the Global Philanthropists Circle, which includes 70 of the leading philanthropic families in the world. Oliver´s work has received numerous awards and recognitions, among them the title of “Best practices and innovations in individual philanthropy and social investment around the world” by the Synergos Institute. Oliver has been awarded a lifelong seat as a creative member in the think tank the Club of Budapest and a lifelong seat as a distinguished member in the Committee of the 100 for Tibet.

Tom Oliver is also a renowned singer and songwriter, artist, pianist and music producer. As a live performer, he has headlined festivals around the world.

Oliver is also a passionate surfer, kitesurfer and kung fu black belt.
He speaks five languages fluently (German, English, French, Italian, and Portuguese) and divides his time between the South of France, Germany, and New York.

For more information, see www.tom-oliver.com

Reviews

[Andrew · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to Tom Oliver for writing surely the first of many books that synthesise themes running through many other authors’ minds in recent years. He is surely right that our misguided individualist perspective, utterly discordant with empirical fact, is a root cause of personal, societal, and planetary ails. He makes this case carefully and systematically, and is wisely cautious not to alienate readers who may not yet be familiar with the idea of the illusory self. The arbitrary dividing lines we draw between this self and other beings and systems is clearly refuted on both biological and psychological grounds, also making visible the linguistic and cultural camouflage that veils our ignorance.

I didn’t agree with all he said, and found the book in places to be a little utopian. One chapter jarred early on by citing dire evidence for a medical therapy for the affliction of chronic fatigue syndrome, supposedly in support of the idea of the influence of our microbiome on immune function. This was out of keeping with the generally robust scientific approach taken elsewhere. He also didn’t fully explore the parallels between genes and memes and despite coining the term ‘selfish meme’ seemed to think that an idea need only to be true or useful to take hold. Elsewhere in the book he clearly describes how this is not the case but appears to hope that the ideas of ‘connectedness’ will defy this history and be a benign pandemic that will divert our path toward global dysharmony and self-destruction.

Nevertheless, in the hope that Tom is right, I would throughly recommend this book.

[John Pollard · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yes I liked it and could have had 4 stars on another day. Some of the reasoning about how there is no such thing as "me" wasn't entirely convincing to my small egocentric mind. I do however agree with most of what he says, that problems in the world are an extrapolation of our liberal materialistic reductionist individualistic selves. Our behaviour as a now super-interconnected species destroying our own planet and other species on it with behaviours that don't make sense when viewed with a wide angle lens is undoubtedly a problem humanity needs to solve. Not too many answers in this book; not sure meditation is going to cut it.

[Jeni Miles · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am fully sold on the basic premise of this book, 1) that ultimately individual behaviour change is needed to solve the issues our global food system (as one example) is bringing to the fore 2) a key teaching of meditation is that there is no stable self and that instead 'we' are made up of interconnected micro/macro systems. For more on this I would recommend Sam Harris's Waking Up app and the Headless Way course by Richard Lang.

The book concept deserves 5*, but unfortunately it barely touched on possible solutions that would bring about the societal behaviour change the author compellingly argues we need.

[Robert · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, more than I thought I would. It's not perfectly written or put together but the author is clearly knowledgeable and share some enthralling insights to the biological, and cultural systems which we humans share wittingly and unwittingly with other lifeforms and other humans on this earth.
I found the opening chapters in this book quite intriguing with the symbiosis with which we partake with other life (such as bacteria) in our bodies and the surrounding environment.
The clear message in the book is the interconnectedness that exists in the world, of which we are just one part. We're all in this together and are not above or apart from nature. It is a clear cause for working for the betterment of each other and the other species that inhabit this earth.
One chapter describes how, especially in western culture we have become more narcissistic and individualistic to our detriment in recent decades, which is worrying, as a little more empathy towards others would go a long way towards better societies and the health of ourselves as a species and other life on this earth.
However the author does have hope for the future with good reason as he see future generations having the knowledge of hindsight to adjust their cultural norms to be more empathetic with nature and each other. I would think of this book having a positive outlook overall and uplifting.
Overall this was a captivating book, an enjoyable read.

[Katy Owen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was quite disappointed with this book. The central premise (that there is no self) is a strong one and worthy of much thought.

But neither the content nor the tone of this book hit the mark for me.

Content wise there is very little about neuroscience, brain science or psychology. There are also only very fleeting and superficial references to Buddhism despite no-self being one of its central tenets.

Then there is the tone which was often condescending and simplistic rather than relatable and understandable

[Alla · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting title, that promises fresh perspective on relationship between the individual, society, nature and the world at large. There are a few interesting ideas and links to research and facts but overall it feels like a long essay which reiterates that has been talked about in the last few years.

[Miles Isham · Rating 3 out of 5]

This had much less neuroscience than I was expecting, taking a more biological, holistic viewpoint. It was interesting and had enough facts involving enormous numbers to keep me happy. Can't say it left me feeling optimistic about the future!

[엠마 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall a really interesting book. Only cementing further my belief that interconnectedness is a fact of life and that we need to realise that if we want to preserve the environment we are a part of. (Go vegan).

A few meh comments on the sexes, autism and 'mature' democracies' though.

[Daria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Se anche decideste di leggere un solo libro nel 2023, o per tutti gli anni venti, io spero che comunque leggiate questo.

[Tatty Kee · Rating 3 out of 5]

An in-the-box take on an out-the-box topic. Grew on me as I got to the final third.

[Janessa · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorite reads ever. Science and philosophy combine to show how we are all connected to each other.

[Josie · Rating 5 out of 5]

In an age of individualism, I’d recommend this to everyone.

[Penni · Rating 3 out of 5]

Like other reviewers, I thought there would be a lot more neuroscience here.

[Kyle Behrend · Rating 5 out of 5]

A brilliant book bringing together so many fascinating scientific discoveries into a wonderful read that inspires us to be better versions of ourselves. Five stars not because it is perfect but because it raises such important issues in a well thought out and structured read. A must read for 2020