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Rules for Visiting
A beautifully observed and deeply funny novel of May Attaway, a university gardener who sets out on an odyssey to reconnect with four old friends over the course of a year.
At forty, May Attaway is more at home with plants than people. Over the years, she's turned inward, finding pleasure in language, her work as a gardener, and keeping her neighbors at arm's length while keenly observing them. But when she is unexpectedly granted some leave from her job, May is inspired to reconnect with four once close friends. She knows they will never have a proper reunion, so she goes, one-by-one, to each of them. A student of the classics, May considers her journey a female Odyssey. What might the world have had if, instead of waiting, Penelope had set out on an adventure of her own?
RULES FOR VISITING is a woman's exploration of friendship in the digital age. Deeply alert to the nobility and the ridiculousness of ordinary people, May savors the pleasures along the way--afternoon ice cream with a long-lost friend, surprise postcards from an unexpected crush, and a moving encounter with ancient beauty. Though she gets a taste of viral online fame, May chooses to bypass her friends' perfectly cultivated online lives to instead meet them in their messy analog ones.
Ultimately, May learns that a best friend is someone who knows your story--and she inspires us all to master the art of visiting.
At forty, May Attaway is more at home with plants than people. Over the years, she's turned inward, finding pleasure in language, her work as a gardener, and keeping her neighbors at arm's length while keenly observing them. But when she is unexpectedly granted some leave from her job, May is inspired to reconnect with four once close friends. She knows they will never have a proper reunion, so she goes, one-by-one, to each of them. A student of the classics, May considers her journey a female Odyssey. What might the world have had if, instead of waiting, Penelope had set out on an adventure of her own?
RULES FOR VISITING is a woman's exploration of friendship in the digital age. Deeply alert to the nobility and the ridiculousness of ordinary people, May savors the pleasures along the way--afternoon ice cream with a long-lost friend, surprise postcards from an unexpected crush, and a moving encounter with ancient beauty. Though she gets a taste of viral online fame, May chooses to bypass her friends' perfectly cultivated online lives to instead meet them in their messy analog ones.
Ultimately, May learns that a best friend is someone who knows your story--and she inspires us all to master the art of visiting.
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First published May 14, 2019
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About the author
Jessica Francis Kane
16 books392 followersJessica Francis Kane’s new novel, FONSECA, will be published by Penguin Press on August 12, 2025. It is based on the mysterious trip to northern Mexico made by English writer Penelope Fitzgerald in 1952 and took Kane eight years to write. It has been named a most-anticipated book of 2025 by the Los Angeles Times, LitHub, Publisher's Weekly and others.
Her previous novel, RULES FOR VISITING, was a 2019 Indie Next Pick and became a national bestseller. It was named one of the best books of the year by Oprah Magazine, Good Housekeeping, Vulture, The Chicago Tribune, San Francisco Chronicle, Wall Street Journal, Southern Living, Real Simple, The Today Show, and Good Morning America. In the UK it was published by Granta Books and was a finalist for the Bollinger Everyman Wodehouse Prize.
Her first novel, THE REPORT, was published by Graywolf Press in the US (2010) and Granta Books in the UK (2011). It was a finalist for the First Novel Prize from the Center for Fiction and a Barnes & Noble Discover pick. In 2015 it was adapted and staged as a play in New York City.
Her story collection, THIS CLOSE, was published by Graywolf Press in 2013. It was long-listed for The Story Prize, the Frank O’Connor International Short Story Prize, and named a best book of the year by NPR.
Jessica’s stories and essays have appeared many places including, the New York Times, Slate, Virginia Quarterly Review, Zyzzyva, The Yale Review, A Public Space, and Granta. She is the recipient of fellowships from The MacDowell Colony and the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts.
She lives in New York City and Connecticut.
Her previous novel, RULES FOR VISITING, was a 2019 Indie Next Pick and became a national bestseller. It was named one of the best books of the year by Oprah Magazine, Good Housekeeping, Vulture, The Chicago Tribune, San Francisco Chronicle, Wall Street Journal, Southern Living, Real Simple, The Today Show, and Good Morning America. In the UK it was published by Granta Books and was a finalist for the Bollinger Everyman Wodehouse Prize.
Her first novel, THE REPORT, was published by Graywolf Press in the US (2010) and Granta Books in the UK (2011). It was a finalist for the First Novel Prize from the Center for Fiction and a Barnes & Noble Discover pick. In 2015 it was adapted and staged as a play in New York City.
Her story collection, THIS CLOSE, was published by Graywolf Press in 2013. It was long-listed for The Story Prize, the Frank O’Connor International Short Story Prize, and named a best book of the year by NPR.
Jessica’s stories and essays have appeared many places including, the New York Times, Slate, Virginia Quarterly Review, Zyzzyva, The Yale Review, A Public Space, and Granta. She is the recipient of fellowships from The MacDowell Colony and the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts.
She lives in New York City and Connecticut.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 2,297 reviews
January 11, 2019
What are the Rules for rating your own book???
October 16, 2019
4.5
I love books that I connect with emotionally. This charming and poignant book did just that. May is a botanist who works at the local university, when she is awarded a month long sabbatical. She has lived a rather solitary existence with her elderly father and decides to use this unexpected gift of time to go on a personal odyssey to visit 4 old friends she hasn’t kept up with. As May muses,
“It seems to me that your oldest friends can offer a glimpse of who you were from a time before you had a sense of yourself and that’s what I’m after.”
Even though I’m neither a gardener or a student of classic literature I loved the references and quotes to both, and how they related to May’s musings. The insights into friendship in the digital age really resonated with me. It made me want to go on a road trip to visit old friends. I loved May, in all her humanness and sharp wit. I highlighted so many passages I was in danger of highlighting the entire book.
Never cloyingly precious, I turned the last page with a warm heart and a tear in my eye. It’s a lighter read with wit, humor and substance, but is never predictable. This is a lovely story about healing from tragedy and the human need for face-to-face connections, messy as they are. Highly recommended!
This book led to a terrific discussion between Marialyce, Victoria, and myself. Many thanks to Victoria who suggested this book!
“Perhaps a best friend is someone who.... holds the story of your life in mind. Sometimes in music a melodic line is so beautiful the notes feel inevitable; you can anticipate the next note through a long rest. Maybe that is friendship. A best friend holds the story of your life in mind so notes don’t have to be repeated.”
* for our duo review of this book and others please visit: https://yayareadslotsofbooks.wordpres...
I love books that I connect with emotionally. This charming and poignant book did just that. May is a botanist who works at the local university, when she is awarded a month long sabbatical. She has lived a rather solitary existence with her elderly father and decides to use this unexpected gift of time to go on a personal odyssey to visit 4 old friends she hasn’t kept up with. As May muses,
“It seems to me that your oldest friends can offer a glimpse of who you were from a time before you had a sense of yourself and that’s what I’m after.”
Even though I’m neither a gardener or a student of classic literature I loved the references and quotes to both, and how they related to May’s musings. The insights into friendship in the digital age really resonated with me. It made me want to go on a road trip to visit old friends. I loved May, in all her humanness and sharp wit. I highlighted so many passages I was in danger of highlighting the entire book.
Never cloyingly precious, I turned the last page with a warm heart and a tear in my eye. It’s a lighter read with wit, humor and substance, but is never predictable. This is a lovely story about healing from tragedy and the human need for face-to-face connections, messy as they are. Highly recommended!
This book led to a terrific discussion between Marialyce, Victoria, and myself. Many thanks to Victoria who suggested this book!
“Perhaps a best friend is someone who.... holds the story of your life in mind. Sometimes in music a melodic line is so beautiful the notes feel inevitable; you can anticipate the next note through a long rest. Maybe that is friendship. A best friend holds the story of your life in mind so notes don’t have to be repeated.”
* for our duo review of this book and others please visit: https://yayareadslotsofbooks.wordpres...
May 20, 2019
Thank you to the publisher Penguin Press for providing an advance reader copy via Edelweiss.
May Attaway is forty, single, childless, and still living at home with her widowed father. She's a graduate of the Landscape Architecture program at her local university. Landscape architects design harmonious natural plantings to augment a campus, parking lot, playground,or other public terrain. Once she graduated from the program she took a job at the university with the grounds crew.
If you are a gardening enthusiast (I'm not) you will probably love this book. Talk of numerous trees, flowers, bushes and gardening tips pollinate each chapter liberally- like overgrown vines on a building. There are also lovely drawings of various trees throughout the book. May plants a yew tree on university grounds taken from a cutting she procured from a legendary 3,000 old tree in a Scottish churchyard. A poet in the English Department was inspired to write a poem about it and won a $50,000 prize. In turn, the university recognized May for instigating and executing the planting of this tree which resulted in publicity for the school. Her "prize" was a generous amount of paid time off which she used to visit four longtime friends.
May really isn't the visiting type. She also never has people over to her own house. Her mother died years ago under mysterious circumstances that are not revealed until the very end of the book. Mom kind of checked out of life at a certain point and took refuge in her bedroom. May's brother went to college out in California and decided to stay there. He hasn't been home in years. She's aware of her neighbors but for the most part keeps them at arm's length. Her father is much more neighborly, often gifting neighbors with flowers and plants. May is invited to a going away party on her block for a couple looking to downsize after their kids moved out of the nest. She notices that her name is included on an engraved silver platter that was gifted to this couple from their "friends". She also notices that there are many references and sayings about friends on various decorations in the kitchen. It's as if this idea of friends is suddenly swarming around her and she's inspired to use that gift of time off from work to visit each of her four friends.
May is just a tad socially awkward and thinks of cliches to respond to conversations she's lured into. All her friends moved away, and most were married with children. It sort of feels like she's the outlier, the square peg, still living at home, unmarried, no children. Her travels take her to locales such as New York, London and Scotland. Never having a guest over herself, May learns the social graces of visiting when presented with her guest rooms, dealing with children and gift giving. It's interesting watching how other people live their lives who have taken a different path. I think the most enlightening takeaway from this book is how May wished her friends would just let her be part of a normal day in their lives rather than their taking special pains to visit a flower show or special restaurant.
I actually identified with this character a bit, except for the gardening passion, of course. I also enjoyed the quiet and simple nature of the writing and story. There is an unexplained detachment I felt while reading this book, almost like I was looking through a cloudy window. As I peruse other reviews for this book, they seem to be in the 4-5 star range. I was really surprised by this, so I must be an outlier. For me it was a good book, but not great. As May says in the beginning of the book, "I read books, but not always the best ones."
May Attaway is forty, single, childless, and still living at home with her widowed father. She's a graduate of the Landscape Architecture program at her local university. Landscape architects design harmonious natural plantings to augment a campus, parking lot, playground,or other public terrain. Once she graduated from the program she took a job at the university with the grounds crew.
If you are a gardening enthusiast (I'm not) you will probably love this book. Talk of numerous trees, flowers, bushes and gardening tips pollinate each chapter liberally- like overgrown vines on a building. There are also lovely drawings of various trees throughout the book. May plants a yew tree on university grounds taken from a cutting she procured from a legendary 3,000 old tree in a Scottish churchyard. A poet in the English Department was inspired to write a poem about it and won a $50,000 prize. In turn, the university recognized May for instigating and executing the planting of this tree which resulted in publicity for the school. Her "prize" was a generous amount of paid time off which she used to visit four longtime friends.
May really isn't the visiting type. She also never has people over to her own house. Her mother died years ago under mysterious circumstances that are not revealed until the very end of the book. Mom kind of checked out of life at a certain point and took refuge in her bedroom. May's brother went to college out in California and decided to stay there. He hasn't been home in years. She's aware of her neighbors but for the most part keeps them at arm's length. Her father is much more neighborly, often gifting neighbors with flowers and plants. May is invited to a going away party on her block for a couple looking to downsize after their kids moved out of the nest. She notices that her name is included on an engraved silver platter that was gifted to this couple from their "friends". She also notices that there are many references and sayings about friends on various decorations in the kitchen. It's as if this idea of friends is suddenly swarming around her and she's inspired to use that gift of time off from work to visit each of her four friends.
May is just a tad socially awkward and thinks of cliches to respond to conversations she's lured into. All her friends moved away, and most were married with children. It sort of feels like she's the outlier, the square peg, still living at home, unmarried, no children. Her travels take her to locales such as New York, London and Scotland. Never having a guest over herself, May learns the social graces of visiting when presented with her guest rooms, dealing with children and gift giving. It's interesting watching how other people live their lives who have taken a different path. I think the most enlightening takeaway from this book is how May wished her friends would just let her be part of a normal day in their lives rather than their taking special pains to visit a flower show or special restaurant.
I actually identified with this character a bit, except for the gardening passion, of course. I also enjoyed the quiet and simple nature of the writing and story. There is an unexplained detachment I felt while reading this book, almost like I was looking through a cloudy window. As I peruse other reviews for this book, they seem to be in the 4-5 star range. I was really surprised by this, so I must be an outlier. For me it was a good book, but not great. As May says in the beginning of the book, "I read books, but not always the best ones."
March 6, 2020
“It seems to me that your oldest friends can offer a glimpse of who you were from a time before you had a sense of yourself.”
“Rules for Visiting” is a lovely meditation on friendship, the importance of a community (in whatever form that takes) and on being open to life. The text moves along smoothly. It is an observational novel, with a tinge of melancholy hanging about it. And really isn’t that a bit like everyday life? Taking in the things around us, and living in that area between joy and sorrow.
The protagonist is a 40-year-old botanist named May Attaway. She was an English major in undergrad, as was I, and I loved the references this aspect of her character allows the author to use. Some were insanely specific, and every time I caught one it made me smile in recognition.
At one point the protagonist says, “I suppose what you are reading is my attempt to settle. There’s a story I’ve been trying to tell, one about friendship and friends and what place they have in a life, and one I’ve been trying not to tell about my family. Does that make me an unreliable narrator? To a certain extent, aren’t we all?” And folks that is the novel in a nutshell. The author, Jessica Francis Kane, wonderfully fulfills the execution of this task.
I had a library copy of the text, and had to fight the urge to annotate all over the place. Here are some moments in the book that I thought were worth remembering.
“Midway through my fortieth year, I reached a point where the balance of the past and all it contained seemed to outweigh the future, my mind so full of things said and not said, done and undone, I no longer understood how to move forward.”
“I have always assumed others have more and better friends.”
“I registered these events the way one would a cold snap; strange but refreshing.”
“Halfway through life, I was not sure what I’d made.”
“The solitude has a way of loosening memories, and when they start to unfurl I’m at risk of being blown off course.”
“People rarely like to be reminded of what they once thought.”
“…maybe I don’t understand the pleasure of compromise when you’re in love.”
“Because certain things only come into focus when a person is gone. It’s sad, but true. You need memory and loss to polish your thoughts.”
“I do believe in the power of words and stories to make sense of things.”
“If nostalgia is the recovery of something lost, but with a difference, I’m likely to be swamped by it.”
“Rules for Visiting” was a novel that captured me, and made me think on the mundane that makes life lovely. I appreciate it for that. Its conclusions could just as well be my own… “I have very few friends and not one of them is replaceable. May you settle and find good friends.”
“Rules for Visiting” is a lovely meditation on friendship, the importance of a community (in whatever form that takes) and on being open to life. The text moves along smoothly. It is an observational novel, with a tinge of melancholy hanging about it. And really isn’t that a bit like everyday life? Taking in the things around us, and living in that area between joy and sorrow.
The protagonist is a 40-year-old botanist named May Attaway. She was an English major in undergrad, as was I, and I loved the references this aspect of her character allows the author to use. Some were insanely specific, and every time I caught one it made me smile in recognition.
At one point the protagonist says, “I suppose what you are reading is my attempt to settle. There’s a story I’ve been trying to tell, one about friendship and friends and what place they have in a life, and one I’ve been trying not to tell about my family. Does that make me an unreliable narrator? To a certain extent, aren’t we all?” And folks that is the novel in a nutshell. The author, Jessica Francis Kane, wonderfully fulfills the execution of this task.
I had a library copy of the text, and had to fight the urge to annotate all over the place. Here are some moments in the book that I thought were worth remembering.
“Midway through my fortieth year, I reached a point where the balance of the past and all it contained seemed to outweigh the future, my mind so full of things said and not said, done and undone, I no longer understood how to move forward.”
“I have always assumed others have more and better friends.”
“I registered these events the way one would a cold snap; strange but refreshing.”
“Halfway through life, I was not sure what I’d made.”
“The solitude has a way of loosening memories, and when they start to unfurl I’m at risk of being blown off course.”
“People rarely like to be reminded of what they once thought.”
“…maybe I don’t understand the pleasure of compromise when you’re in love.”
“Because certain things only come into focus when a person is gone. It’s sad, but true. You need memory and loss to polish your thoughts.”
“I do believe in the power of words and stories to make sense of things.”
“If nostalgia is the recovery of something lost, but with a difference, I’m likely to be swamped by it.”
“Rules for Visiting” was a novel that captured me, and made me think on the mundane that makes life lovely. I appreciate it for that. Its conclusions could just as well be my own… “I have very few friends and not one of them is replaceable. May you settle and find good friends.”
October 1, 2019
May Attaway isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. She’s sad and a little grumpy, but funnier and kinder than she appears on the outside. One character describes her as ‘prickly, but in a soft, long-needled way.’ She’s a gardener at a university, lives with her father in the home she grew up in and lives a rather bland and ordinary existence, yet I enjoyed spending time with her and her journey into rediscovering the life she buried in grief.
Midway through my fortieth year, I reached a point where the balance of the past and all it contained seemed to outweigh the future, my mind so full of things said and not said, done and undone, I no longer understood how to move forward…A life seemed so long, I couldn’t see how anyone proceeded under the accumulated weight of it.
May suddenly finds herself with paid leave and inspired by the tributes to an author on the anniversary of her death and wishing for more connection, she embarks on a year of visiting four friends with whom she hasn’t kept in touch. This, in May’s literary point of view, is her Odyssey, not the friends getting together for a beach weekend kind of journey.
Perhaps a best friend is someone who…holds the story of your life in mind. Sometimes in music a melodic line is so beautiful the notes feel inevitable; you can anticipate the next note through a long rest. Maybe that is friendship. A best friend holds your story in mind so notes don’t have to be repeated.
This is a quiet, rather introspective book, but it also had moments of humor from May’s eccentricities, internal dialogue and sly observations; to her father’s memorial tree research, to even naming her newly-acquired suitcase, Grendel of Beowulf fame. Adding to this layered narrative are beautifully rendered sketches of trees with just enough information to make even the most jaded a certifiable tree hugger.
When I’m doing well like this, when things are running smoothly and in balance, I wish my mother could see me…I don’t want her to be impressed; I just want her to see how it’s possible ‘to gather all accidents into our purpose.’
Moving, endearing and ultimately joyful, I found this novel to be deeply affecting and I only wish I had read it along with a few friends because it would make for a great discussion. Highly recommended and hope this book finds a larger audience.
Midway through my fortieth year, I reached a point where the balance of the past and all it contained seemed to outweigh the future, my mind so full of things said and not said, done and undone, I no longer understood how to move forward…A life seemed so long, I couldn’t see how anyone proceeded under the accumulated weight of it.
May suddenly finds herself with paid leave and inspired by the tributes to an author on the anniversary of her death and wishing for more connection, she embarks on a year of visiting four friends with whom she hasn’t kept in touch. This, in May’s literary point of view, is her Odyssey, not the friends getting together for a beach weekend kind of journey.
Perhaps a best friend is someone who…holds the story of your life in mind. Sometimes in music a melodic line is so beautiful the notes feel inevitable; you can anticipate the next note through a long rest. Maybe that is friendship. A best friend holds your story in mind so notes don’t have to be repeated.
This is a quiet, rather introspective book, but it also had moments of humor from May’s eccentricities, internal dialogue and sly observations; to her father’s memorial tree research, to even naming her newly-acquired suitcase, Grendel of Beowulf fame. Adding to this layered narrative are beautifully rendered sketches of trees with just enough information to make even the most jaded a certifiable tree hugger.
When I’m doing well like this, when things are running smoothly and in balance, I wish my mother could see me…I don’t want her to be impressed; I just want her to see how it’s possible ‘to gather all accidents into our purpose.’
Moving, endearing and ultimately joyful, I found this novel to be deeply affecting and I only wish I had read it along with a few friends because it would make for a great discussion. Highly recommended and hope this book finds a larger audience.
October 16, 2019
4.5 wonderful stars
It's never too late to learn about yourself. It's never to late to reconnect to the people, the things, and the family that you love. It's just never too late to live life joyfully yet quietly, finding its fulfillment in the grace of friends and the power of nature.
The power of friendship is a strong one. There are friends who are like the trunks of trees ever steadfast and ready to be your strength. There are friends who are like flowers bringing their bits of sunshine into a life that may be solitary and lonely. There are friends who know you so well that they can pick up a conversation with you from years ago as if time has not escaped at all.
In this most amazing book we meet May Attaway, a quiet semi reclusive forty year old who connects better with the plant kingdom than she does with humans. However, May self imposed isolation is about to end as she is given time off from work. It's time May realizes, for a re connection to four of her friends so she sets off to visit each and every one of them.
This is not the stuff of an email, a facebook look see, or an instant message. This is different and in the digital age we now live in, May 's connections are personal, face to face and a look at what makes friendship a wonderful link to what makes us human. It's the simplicity of friendship, the binding that is understanding, the love that is there but never stated.
I saw in my reading such a powerful link between the living world of trees and plants to the links and lines of friendship. There is much beauty in the world and certainly ranked among that beauty is the glory of friendship, flowers, and trees. They link us to the earth and as we are linked to our friends, we find that in every relationship there is moments to savor, to remember and to cherish. Just as trees and plants grow and often flourish with care, so does the blossoming and blooming of friendship.
This wonderful story makes one look inside and see that even in the digital age we can decide to isolate oneself and honestly, isn't that sometimes the easiest way to go? However, in this story we readily see how wonderful the power is of having someone know you, share your life and thoughts, and to always be there to affirm that yes, you are important, you are valuable, you are loved.
I can't recommend this book more highly. It will be one of my favorites of 2019 and what a joy it was to share with two of my dear friends, Jan and Victoria. Read it, share it, and be grateful for all the world has given you.
Every so often , without any fanfare, a book comes along silent as the night and literally explodes into a story that blossoms with love and the need for it to go on. For in this kind of book, it is sad to see an ending for it has invoked in you all kinds of wonderful feelings, love, and desire to be better.
To see our duo reviews: http://yayareadslotsofbooks.wordpress...
It's never too late to learn about yourself. It's never to late to reconnect to the people, the things, and the family that you love. It's just never too late to live life joyfully yet quietly, finding its fulfillment in the grace of friends and the power of nature.
The power of friendship is a strong one. There are friends who are like the trunks of trees ever steadfast and ready to be your strength. There are friends who are like flowers bringing their bits of sunshine into a life that may be solitary and lonely. There are friends who know you so well that they can pick up a conversation with you from years ago as if time has not escaped at all.
In this most amazing book we meet May Attaway, a quiet semi reclusive forty year old who connects better with the plant kingdom than she does with humans. However, May self imposed isolation is about to end as she is given time off from work. It's time May realizes, for a re connection to four of her friends so she sets off to visit each and every one of them.
This is not the stuff of an email, a facebook look see, or an instant message. This is different and in the digital age we now live in, May 's connections are personal, face to face and a look at what makes friendship a wonderful link to what makes us human. It's the simplicity of friendship, the binding that is understanding, the love that is there but never stated.
I saw in my reading such a powerful link between the living world of trees and plants to the links and lines of friendship. There is much beauty in the world and certainly ranked among that beauty is the glory of friendship, flowers, and trees. They link us to the earth and as we are linked to our friends, we find that in every relationship there is moments to savor, to remember and to cherish. Just as trees and plants grow and often flourish with care, so does the blossoming and blooming of friendship.
This wonderful story makes one look inside and see that even in the digital age we can decide to isolate oneself and honestly, isn't that sometimes the easiest way to go? However, in this story we readily see how wonderful the power is of having someone know you, share your life and thoughts, and to always be there to affirm that yes, you are important, you are valuable, you are loved.
I can't recommend this book more highly. It will be one of my favorites of 2019 and what a joy it was to share with two of my dear friends, Jan and Victoria. Read it, share it, and be grateful for all the world has given you.
Every so often , without any fanfare, a book comes along silent as the night and literally explodes into a story that blossoms with love and the need for it to go on. For in this kind of book, it is sad to see an ending for it has invoked in you all kinds of wonderful feelings, love, and desire to be better.
To see our duo reviews: http://yayareadslotsofbooks.wordpress...
October 18, 2019
Reading this book is like sitting in a quiet room, observing and contemplating a one-of-a-kind exotically elegant plant as it slowly buds and flowers. I loved every minute of it.
December 30, 2022
“Perhaps a best friend is someone who… holds the story of your life in mind. Sometimes in music a melodic line is so beautiful the notes feel inevitable; you can anticipate the next note through a long rest. Maybe that is friendship. A best friend holds your story in mind so notes don’t have to be repeated.”
Quiet, melancholic, yet hopeful, Rules for Visiting follows our protagonist, May, a botanist who receives time off from work and decides to use it to reconnect with friends from her past. Throughout these visits, she learns a new side to each person she knows and begins to understand the importance of the human connection.
This novel isn’t particularly groundbreaking or action-packed. Some may find it too slow moving, but I greatly enjoyed it. It’s a simple story about grief, friendship, and the love for nature that is woven into the narrative. It’s a cozy read that makes me appreciate those in my life and the beauty of friendship.
While the protagonist’s initial negative thoughts about social media and judgmental thoughts about others brushed me the wrong way, I appreciated her growth and how she let go of those preconceived notions throughout the story.
This is perfect for fans of Writers and Lovers if you are looking for a read that is just as quiet but focuses around nature and friendship.
This is exactly what I needed to read.
Quiet, melancholic, yet hopeful, Rules for Visiting follows our protagonist, May, a botanist who receives time off from work and decides to use it to reconnect with friends from her past. Throughout these visits, she learns a new side to each person she knows and begins to understand the importance of the human connection.
This novel isn’t particularly groundbreaking or action-packed. Some may find it too slow moving, but I greatly enjoyed it. It’s a simple story about grief, friendship, and the love for nature that is woven into the narrative. It’s a cozy read that makes me appreciate those in my life and the beauty of friendship.
While the protagonist’s initial negative thoughts about social media and judgmental thoughts about others brushed me the wrong way, I appreciated her growth and how she let go of those preconceived notions throughout the story.
This is perfect for fans of Writers and Lovers if you are looking for a read that is just as quiet but focuses around nature and friendship.
This is exactly what I needed to read.
October 21, 2022
May is a horticulturist who becomes concerned about her seeming lack of need for friendships. To understand this better she visits friends she hasn't connected with in years. Unanticipated observations follow. We also spend time with May at work. I love the parts in which she shares her love for trees and gardening and reveals her secrets about plants she dislikes. ( She's my gardening soul mate.)
In another part of the book May subtly alludes to fascinating recent research which shows that trees communicate with each other and survive best within interdependent communities. spoiler>In the end May discovers the same thing for herself.
A perfect book to start the New Year and new decade.
In another part of the book May subtly alludes to fascinating recent research which shows that trees communicate with each other and survive best within interdependent communities. spoiler>In the end May discovers the same thing for herself.
A perfect book to start the New Year and new decade.
December 19, 2018
Isn't every reading experience a visit to a character and the world they live in? I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with May Attaway as she visits four of her friends. Part of her journey is a scholarly and earnest pursuit to discover what it means to have and be a friend. As May finds her answers, we are treated to a character and a story that are beautiful and quietly profound. Consider this my thank-you note.
August 16, 2019
Find all of my reviews: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
Find all of my reviews: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
Per usual, I didn’t know much about this one before beginning other than it was about a woman who decides to visit four of her long-time friends individually over the course of the book and that my own real life friend Regina recommended it to me. I assumed the main character was most likely dying of some terminal disease since I’m nothing if not consistently bleak in my outlook on things. Turns out this was another selection that teaches the importance of living to a socially awkward semi-recluse and that our leading lay May was not going to succumb to some sort of horrific cancer at the end, but find a new lease on life instead.
For some reason all of my notes and quotes and highlights have gone poof in the night for this one so I don’t have much to offer as far as persuading y’all to add it to your TBR . . . .
As the synopsis says, this is what May believes to be her own personal Odyssey. A flipping of the script, if you will, should Penelope have ventured out rather than waiting at home for Odysseus. May is a lover of words and a lover of plants. She lives in the moment and appreciates the realness/messiness of life rather than that which is presented via social media. She’s not for everyone and neither is this story. It is very much an observational novel, for lack of a better term. If you want action and plot twists, this most likely isn’t going to wind up a favorite. But if you just like to be in someone else’s headspace for a little bit – maybe someone you discover you can relate to far more than you ever imagined when starting the story – May might be a character you won’t soon forget and hopefully you’ll be inspired to reconnect with your own “fortnight friends” . . . .
Not to be confused with Fortnite Friends . . . .
Find all of my reviews: http://52bookminimum.blogspot.com/
Per usual, I didn’t know much about this one before beginning other than it was about a woman who decides to visit four of her long-time friends individually over the course of the book and that my own real life friend Regina recommended it to me. I assumed the main character was most likely dying of some terminal disease since I’m nothing if not consistently bleak in my outlook on things. Turns out this was another selection that teaches the importance of living to a socially awkward semi-recluse and that our leading lay May was not going to succumb to some sort of horrific cancer at the end, but find a new lease on life instead.
For some reason all of my notes and quotes and highlights have gone poof in the night for this one so I don’t have much to offer as far as persuading y’all to add it to your TBR . . . .
As the synopsis says, this is what May believes to be her own personal Odyssey. A flipping of the script, if you will, should Penelope have ventured out rather than waiting at home for Odysseus. May is a lover of words and a lover of plants. She lives in the moment and appreciates the realness/messiness of life rather than that which is presented via social media. She’s not for everyone and neither is this story. It is very much an observational novel, for lack of a better term. If you want action and plot twists, this most likely isn’t going to wind up a favorite. But if you just like to be in someone else’s headspace for a little bit – maybe someone you discover you can relate to far more than you ever imagined when starting the story – May might be a character you won’t soon forget and hopefully you’ll be inspired to reconnect with your own “fortnight friends” . . . .
Not to be confused with Fortnite Friends . . . .
Read
August 2, 2019Someone recommended this novel to me, so I picked it up and am glad I did—all about a woman who realizes she's lonely and decides to reconnect with old friends. Plus trees. (Trees really seem to be having a moment, don't they?)
October 20, 2022
I'm not sure why my review of this disappeared, but as it did, I'll just say that I loved it so much that after returning it to the library, I went out and bought a copy for my shelves. Definitely will be a book that I re-read more than once.
October 26, 2019
Read as a buddy read with Lisa Vegan. We read sections at the the same time each day in our different time zones and discussed each part afterwards.
3.5 stars. I debated between 3 and 4 stars. I really enjoyed this character, her thoughts, her philosophical observations, her love of trees and the way that although she was naturally reserved and didn't find reaching out to friends easy she made a huge effort to do things out of her comfort zone to make the change she felt she needed to get her life out of a rut that she had settled into after losing her mother.
One thing I didn't like was that although the author seems to have researched the subject of trees well in general I was surprised to read that the author describes yew berries as sweet and the only part of the yew that is not poisonous. I have never heard this and believed yew to be highly toxic and deadly poisonous. I googled this to check and all sources confirmed what I thought apart from wikipedia which said in very similar words what the author said so I suspect the author got her tree facts from wikipedia which is a pity because as well as the fact wikipedia is known for it's dubious facts I would hate to think someone might eat one having read in this book that not only are they perfectly edible but they are sweet.
Apart from that mistake I enjoyed the way the trees were used in significant ways in the story, I enjoyed the visits and the way May mentioned facts about word meanings and origins, famous trees, tree mythology and facts about friendship and the benefits of being with friends.
I did find the book wasn't quite what I was expecting and the description inside the cover wasn't very accurate. The story felt lacking slightly, there wasn't as much of a conclusion or resolution in terms of May's feelings about her mother's death. Looking back I enjoyed the chapters individually more than I enjoyed the book as a whole.
I would recommend this to people looking for family stories and books about friendship.
3.5 stars. I debated between 3 and 4 stars. I really enjoyed this character, her thoughts, her philosophical observations, her love of trees and the way that although she was naturally reserved and didn't find reaching out to friends easy she made a huge effort to do things out of her comfort zone to make the change she felt she needed to get her life out of a rut that she had settled into after losing her mother.
One thing I didn't like was that although the author seems to have researched the subject of trees well in general I was surprised to read that the author describes yew berries as sweet and the only part of the yew that is not poisonous. I have never heard this and believed yew to be highly toxic and deadly poisonous. I googled this to check and all sources confirmed what I thought apart from wikipedia which said in very similar words what the author said so I suspect the author got her tree facts from wikipedia which is a pity because as well as the fact wikipedia is known for it's dubious facts I would hate to think someone might eat one having read in this book that not only are they perfectly edible but they are sweet.
Apart from that mistake I enjoyed the way the trees were used in significant ways in the story, I enjoyed the visits and the way May mentioned facts about word meanings and origins, famous trees, tree mythology and facts about friendship and the benefits of being with friends.
I did find the book wasn't quite what I was expecting and the description inside the cover wasn't very accurate. The story felt lacking slightly, there wasn't as much of a conclusion or resolution in terms of May's feelings about her mother's death. Looking back I enjoyed the chapters individually more than I enjoyed the book as a whole.
I would recommend this to people looking for family stories and books about friendship.
March 10, 2019
I received a copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway.
Although I really liked the main character, I struggled to figure out what the point was. I'm not sure I ever did. To me, it just felt like a string of one event leading to another without any real purpose or meaning. By about halfway through, I was struggling to continue. I forced myself to finish, but I don't see myself ever being in a rush to pick it up again.
Although I really liked the main character, I struggled to figure out what the point was. I'm not sure I ever did. To me, it just felt like a string of one event leading to another without any real purpose or meaning. By about halfway through, I was struggling to continue. I forced myself to finish, but I don't see myself ever being in a rush to pick it up again.
August 25, 2022
Not really my taste and honestly just kinda boring. Meh
CW: death of a loved one, depression, grief
CW: death of a loved one, depression, grief
April 16, 2019
I've been thinking a lot about the role of friendship in my life lately in large part thanks to this book. Jessica Francis Kane has crafted a beautifully subtle and surprisingly funny exploration of how we cope with grief over the long haul. Friendship, it turns out, is the key, but so too is a powerful connection to the natural world.
The premise here is pretty clever. May Attaway is a gardener at a local university. A yew tree she planted years back has inspired an award-winning poem by one of the university's professors. To reward her for her part in creating the atmosphere that allowed the university to secure this prestigious honor, her superiors grant her a month of vacation. May choses to use the time to visit old friends she's lost touch with. What follows is a story of picking up where one left off, reckoning with the past, and embracing the new possibilities life presents us with all the time if we're willing to see them.
I think my favorite part had to be the quiet, wry voice at the center of this book. May is a self-acknowledged unreliable narrator, but she's neither evasive nor abusive. You get the sense that she's doing the best she can and being as open and honest as she can muster. Her love for plant and tree life fills these pages like a spring bloom. Delightful sketches of trees introduce each section and plant and tree names are always followed by their Latin names in parentheses — May even speaks them aloud in dialogue. Braided throughout is the story of the once well-tended but now neglected Attaway clan. It's not hard to see that May's love for the natural world and the care with which she tends it is an extended metaphor for the way she has withdrawn from family and friends.
Unlike anything I've read before, Kane's restrained, evocative prose draws the reader into the private world of her protagonist, allowing the characters and the plot to unfold on the page with the natural pace and beauty of a rare bloom. Highly recommended.
If you liked this, make sure to follow me on Goodreads for more reviews!
The premise here is pretty clever. May Attaway is a gardener at a local university. A yew tree she planted years back has inspired an award-winning poem by one of the university's professors. To reward her for her part in creating the atmosphere that allowed the university to secure this prestigious honor, her superiors grant her a month of vacation. May choses to use the time to visit old friends she's lost touch with. What follows is a story of picking up where one left off, reckoning with the past, and embracing the new possibilities life presents us with all the time if we're willing to see them.
I think my favorite part had to be the quiet, wry voice at the center of this book. May is a self-acknowledged unreliable narrator, but she's neither evasive nor abusive. You get the sense that she's doing the best she can and being as open and honest as she can muster. Her love for plant and tree life fills these pages like a spring bloom. Delightful sketches of trees introduce each section and plant and tree names are always followed by their Latin names in parentheses — May even speaks them aloud in dialogue. Braided throughout is the story of the once well-tended but now neglected Attaway clan. It's not hard to see that May's love for the natural world and the care with which she tends it is an extended metaphor for the way she has withdrawn from family and friends.
Unlike anything I've read before, Kane's restrained, evocative prose draws the reader into the private world of her protagonist, allowing the characters and the plot to unfold on the page with the natural pace and beauty of a rare bloom. Highly recommended.
If you liked this, make sure to follow me on Goodreads for more reviews!
December 22, 2019
May is a botanist - a true lover of trees and plants. After reading an obituary of a stranger, she is inspired to go visit 4 old friends for a fortnight, thereby avoiding cultivating “friendships” via social media.
The book follows May’s trips with her suitcase, Grendl, it compares her visits with Penelope and Ulysses from the Odyssey and the story is sprinkled with flower and tree facts that reflect May’s friendships and her love of family. It is a quiet and thoughtful book, a bit like Olive Kitteredge, but kinder and gentler. I actually liked this book better, never mind Olive’s Pulitzer.
Highly recommended for those seeking peaceful reading.
The book follows May’s trips with her suitcase, Grendl, it compares her visits with Penelope and Ulysses from the Odyssey and the story is sprinkled with flower and tree facts that reflect May’s friendships and her love of family. It is a quiet and thoughtful book, a bit like Olive Kitteredge, but kinder and gentler. I actually liked this book better, never mind Olive’s Pulitzer.
Highly recommended for those seeking peaceful reading.
October 26, 2019
I read this book as a buddy read with Goodreads friend Hilary. We were able to do each of our reading sessions at the same time and stayed in sync, and then we discussed each section right after we read it, despite our 8 hour time difference. I really enjoy doing that. Hilary and I have also done this with previous books.
I really liked this book but it was different from what I’d expected. It surprised me all the way through. The friend visits weren’t what I expected, the reveal wasn’t what I’d expected, nor was the ending.
I loved May, the main character narrator. I love her sense of humor and her way of looking at the world, her thoughtfulness, her philosophizing, and her stretching herself and getting out of her comfort zone. I thought that most of the characters were interesting, and there were many, though it was easy to keep track of who was who.
I thoroughly enjoyed all the quotes and meditations about friends & friendship, and of life and living, and the literary references, and the contemplation on what makes a home, and all the facts about plant life, especially all the facts about trees. May is a gardener and I enjoyed all the facts she mentions about plant life.
This is a highly quotable book and I should have written down some and maybe some of the factual information too. I haven’t even “liked” any quotes yet, though I liked many. I know I also liked some that others haven’t “liked” yet, but so far here are the quotes listed on this book’s page:
https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes...
I loved the included illustrations of trees, I guess done by the author. They are spaced throughout the book and they depict: the yew, crack willow, weeping birch, American elm, and white oak.
I have always wanted to see a banyan tree, especially one in Hawaii mentioned in this book.
Some things that might be considered mild (to moderate?) spoilers:
This is a great story for people who appreciate nature, gardening, and botany, especially trees, and for readers who enjoy reading about relationships, especially about friendships, but also about acquaintances, workmates, parent-child and sibling relationships.
I really liked this book but it was different from what I’d expected. It surprised me all the way through. The friend visits weren’t what I expected, the reveal wasn’t what I’d expected, nor was the ending.
I loved May, the main character narrator. I love her sense of humor and her way of looking at the world, her thoughtfulness, her philosophizing, and her stretching herself and getting out of her comfort zone. I thought that most of the characters were interesting, and there were many, though it was easy to keep track of who was who.
I thoroughly enjoyed all the quotes and meditations about friends & friendship, and of life and living, and the literary references, and the contemplation on what makes a home, and all the facts about plant life, especially all the facts about trees. May is a gardener and I enjoyed all the facts she mentions about plant life.
This is a highly quotable book and I should have written down some and maybe some of the factual information too. I haven’t even “liked” any quotes yet, though I liked many. I know I also liked some that others haven’t “liked” yet, but so far here are the quotes listed on this book’s page:
https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes...
I loved the included illustrations of trees, I guess done by the author. They are spaced throughout the book and they depict: the yew, crack willow, weeping birch, American elm, and white oak.
I have always wanted to see a banyan tree, especially one in Hawaii mentioned in this book.
Some things that might be considered mild (to moderate?) spoilers:
This is a great story for people who appreciate nature, gardening, and botany, especially trees, and for readers who enjoy reading about relationships, especially about friendships, but also about acquaintances, workmates, parent-child and sibling relationships.
October 7, 2019
this book started slow and continued having a meditative tone. as i grew used to it, i started to enjoy and appreciate this story of trees and friendship. a lonely single botanist/landscape architect gets time off as a reward and decides to use it to visit four old friends. interesting thoughts on what friendship still is in the age of text messages and facebook, on the healing power of trees and human relationships, in all their imperfection.
December 2, 2019
A sweet book with gentle wisdom about friendships and solitude. The protagonist is a shy, introverted botanist, so this will be especially enjoyable if you’re attuned to plants and gardens. I’m not, but I still was happy to spend time with this character and follow her trajectory.
January 13, 2022
I am incredibly fortunate to have wonderful friends, and even more fortunate to have had the same best friend for over 30 years with whom I talk or text or visit most every day. I am also lucky to have friends I love whom I do not see or talk with every day. I grew up in Michigan, and have lived in Taiwan, China, New York, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Atlanta and Fargo North Dakota, so many people I care about are far away, and have lives that don't intersect with mine in that everyday way of people who live in your neighborhood. But I do talk to those people, sometimes only once or twice a year, and it is always like we talked yesterday. I recently talked to my college friend, Jai, after years of no more than facebook messages, and we were on the phone for 4 hours talking about the most intimate things. It was wonderful, Friendship is incredibly important to me, more important than romantic love or career advancement or really anything other than family. Of course I had to unfriend my very best friend from high school and the guy who was my first crush because it turned out they had both become white supremacists, but mostly real friendships hold up, and we need to morph and change to live with those changes in ourselves and the relationships and the world at large.
My love for my friends, near and far, made me think I was going to love this book. The idea of sustained mundane time (not running around seeing the sights of new cities) with friends I haven't seen in years sounded extraordinary. Sadly, I didn't love this book. It felt stale and polite and relentlessly pleasant. This despite the fact that May, the protagonist, is actually not very polite, is in fact wildly judgmental, and is certainly not very pleasant. It is that brand of hyper-politeness you get when you are talking to that person you only see at at occasional social gatherings and whom you don't like. For me it was like attending a Dean's tea or a Junior League luncheon (many of you might like those things, and I am sure many of the things l like would feel boring and oppressive to you. No insult intended!) Certainly there were events where "things got real" and environments became anything but polite, but even then there was an icy remove that took hold that meant there were no revelations, nothing really intimate.
I liked the underlying discussion of May feeling like without friends she was becoming a monster. (She compares herself to Grendel, but I have not read Beowulf since college, and I don't remember enough to judge if that is accurate.) In my opinion the label of "monster" was not all that far from the truth. Clearly she was not actually a monster, but she was a person who did not care about connecting to or bringing pleasure to others. Even with her gardening, she only used color combinations she liked, even if others would be made happy by other pairings. Not a monster, but certainly someone who seemed like after her father died she might have been perfectly happy living in a cottage made of candy in the middle of a forest and snacking on the occasional errant child that passed by.
I think it is our friendships that keep us empathic, open, connected to a changing world. and I liked that the book made me think about the place of friends in my life, so I will give it credit for that.
One addendum; I was bothered by the character's ages here. My impression was that all the women were of the same age, but May seemed like she was in her 50's or 60s, and based on the ages of others' children I would guess them to be 20 years younger than that. It was a problem for me.
ETA: I was cleaning up some old reviews and when I looked at this I decided to click and see what otehr reviews looked like. I read the publisher's blurb, and it said this book was funny. I was gobsmacked. I don't remember anything funny -- not just that I did not appreciate the humor, I don't recall any attempt at humor. I guess my sense of humor varies from that of some others. I was just talking with some people in the comments of another review and said I often found Bukowski hilarious and another commenter saw no humor. So I guess maybe if you feel like you might find this amusing its worth a try.
My love for my friends, near and far, made me think I was going to love this book. The idea of sustained mundane time (not running around seeing the sights of new cities) with friends I haven't seen in years sounded extraordinary. Sadly, I didn't love this book. It felt stale and polite and relentlessly pleasant. This despite the fact that May, the protagonist, is actually not very polite, is in fact wildly judgmental, and is certainly not very pleasant. It is that brand of hyper-politeness you get when you are talking to that person you only see at at occasional social gatherings and whom you don't like. For me it was like attending a Dean's tea or a Junior League luncheon (many of you might like those things, and I am sure many of the things l like would feel boring and oppressive to you. No insult intended!) Certainly there were events where "things got real" and environments became anything but polite, but even then there was an icy remove that took hold that meant there were no revelations, nothing really intimate.
I liked the underlying discussion of May feeling like without friends she was becoming a monster. (She compares herself to Grendel, but I have not read Beowulf since college, and I don't remember enough to judge if that is accurate.) In my opinion the label of "monster" was not all that far from the truth. Clearly she was not actually a monster, but she was a person who did not care about connecting to or bringing pleasure to others. Even with her gardening, she only used color combinations she liked, even if others would be made happy by other pairings. Not a monster, but certainly someone who seemed like after her father died she might have been perfectly happy living in a cottage made of candy in the middle of a forest and snacking on the occasional errant child that passed by.
I think it is our friendships that keep us empathic, open, connected to a changing world. and I liked that the book made me think about the place of friends in my life, so I will give it credit for that.
One addendum; I was bothered by the character's ages here. My impression was that all the women were of the same age, but May seemed like she was in her 50's or 60s, and based on the ages of others' children I would guess them to be 20 years younger than that. It was a problem for me.
ETA: I was cleaning up some old reviews and when I looked at this I decided to click and see what otehr reviews looked like. I read the publisher's blurb, and it said this book was funny. I was gobsmacked. I don't remember anything funny -- not just that I did not appreciate the humor, I don't recall any attempt at humor. I guess my sense of humor varies from that of some others. I was just talking with some people in the comments of another review and said I often found Bukowski hilarious and another commenter saw no humor. So I guess maybe if you feel like you might find this amusing its worth a try.
May 22, 2019
This was very unsatisfying. I wanted there to be more depth, it was on the cusp so many times but just didn’t get there.
October 21, 2025
This is a book about friends; how they develop, how they are maintained, and what importance they play in our lives as our culture morphs into a more impersonal technology driven mosaic.
"...if lovers are two people facing each other enraptured by the other's gaze, then friends are two people standing side by side, looking ahead in the same direction. I suppose today both figures might be looking down at their phones."
And the difficulty of "friending" when one is an introvert with a history, and more comfortable with plants than people.
"We didn't open our home easily to others. Being a good host is all about anticipating need and we didn't have the energy for that. And we didn't visit much because being a good guest requires knowing how to let yourself be welcomed. We weren't good at that either."
"Why do I like gardening? Because I worry I've inherited a certain hopelessness, a potentially fatal lack of interest, that I'm diseased with reserve. Making a garden runs counter to all that. You can't garden without thinking about the future."
Thinking about the past, and the future, May decides to use unexpected time off to reconnect in person with four important friends from her early life. As with most of us, those lives can be starkly different from the brief texts or online portrayals that have become common in our current world. Relating for more than brief snippets while physically present is much more challenging (and revealing) than the sanitized versions we often see through technology. As she travels with her rolling suitcase, Grendel (named after a friendless monster), May muses on what she sees, what she's lived, and the natural world that has fed her interests and comfort; musings infused with doubts, dreams, loneliness, hopes, and wry observations. A meditation on how to connect genuinely with others and why that might be the best food for sustaining us, because life is uncertain, and important people can disappear in an instant.
"Because certain things only come into focus when a person in gone. It's sad but true. You need memory and loss to polish your thoughts. Otherwise you're just writing a speech or an introduction or something."
"There was no funeral or memorial service and each of us healed around the tragedy the way a tree grows around a rock."
A quiet, lovely read that resonated in multiple ways.
"...if lovers are two people facing each other enraptured by the other's gaze, then friends are two people standing side by side, looking ahead in the same direction. I suppose today both figures might be looking down at their phones."
And the difficulty of "friending" when one is an introvert with a history, and more comfortable with plants than people.
"We didn't open our home easily to others. Being a good host is all about anticipating need and we didn't have the energy for that. And we didn't visit much because being a good guest requires knowing how to let yourself be welcomed. We weren't good at that either."
"Why do I like gardening? Because I worry I've inherited a certain hopelessness, a potentially fatal lack of interest, that I'm diseased with reserve. Making a garden runs counter to all that. You can't garden without thinking about the future."
Thinking about the past, and the future, May decides to use unexpected time off to reconnect in person with four important friends from her early life. As with most of us, those lives can be starkly different from the brief texts or online portrayals that have become common in our current world. Relating for more than brief snippets while physically present is much more challenging (and revealing) than the sanitized versions we often see through technology. As she travels with her rolling suitcase, Grendel (named after a friendless monster), May muses on what she sees, what she's lived, and the natural world that has fed her interests and comfort; musings infused with doubts, dreams, loneliness, hopes, and wry observations. A meditation on how to connect genuinely with others and why that might be the best food for sustaining us, because life is uncertain, and important people can disappear in an instant.
"Because certain things only come into focus when a person in gone. It's sad but true. You need memory and loss to polish your thoughts. Otherwise you're just writing a speech or an introduction or something."
"There was no funeral or memorial service and each of us healed around the tragedy the way a tree grows around a rock."
A quiet, lovely read that resonated in multiple ways.
June 9, 2019
a contemplative, internal story about a woman who is most at home in her work, as a gardener on a university campus. her world is small, and revolves around regularly scheduled activities: work, home, a local restaurant. may lives in her childhood home with her widowed father - a professor at the same university where may works. theirs is a quiet existence, yet there is the hint of tension just below the surface. realizing how small she's been living, may reconnects with four friends she has not seen in years, and makes plans to visit each in-person. her visits are a studied exercise on the notion of friendship, and may is particularly interested in how her friends think of her, and remember her from past years. may is trying to grow, i think, and (perhaps) overcome some of her awkwardness or quirks.
as Moby-Dick; or, the Whale has the whale parts, and Les Misérables has the sewer parts, rules for visiting has tree parts. i found these interludes interesting (generally, anything nature/natural world will grab my attention), but did recognize some readers may tune out at these parts.the only criticism i have - and it's pretty small - is that i would have welcomed a bit more of may's internal dialogue and thoughts, as well as seeing more glimpses of changes in may.
in a world that is now so dependent on technology, this story about human connection is touching.
as Moby-Dick; or, the Whale has the whale parts, and Les Misérables has the sewer parts, rules for visiting has tree parts. i found these interludes interesting (generally, anything nature/natural world will grab my attention), but did recognize some readers may tune out at these parts.the only criticism i have - and it's pretty small - is that i would have welcomed a bit more of may's internal dialogue and thoughts, as well as seeing more glimpses of changes in may.
in a world that is now so dependent on technology, this story about human connection is touching.
July 2, 2019
Read-ish. Could not finish. It’s not that I can’t handle a slower moving plot or a novel that focuses mostly on one person for many pages, but this just didn’t seem to be going anywhere useful in my mind. The character initially reminded me of Ove in “A Man Called Ove”, except I’m pretty sure I remember that book as having more pizazz. I started out by tiring of all of the botanical talk and the specifics of certain species. Thought it would get better when the friends started to come into play, but it stayed weird. Many musings seemed to come out of nowhere, left me with an ‘eh?’ feeling, and then would disappear abruptly which made writing feel choppy to me. I stopped reading after she finished visiting her first friend because I didn’t get much from that interaction either. Their conversations seemed pretty off too, and you would think they would have at least mentioned the part where May says her farewell to her first friend but no. That was left out...leaving me to question what both thought of the visit. And if the ‘romance’ was Leo, did May even realize it when they were eating out? If so her emotions were so repressed about it that I felt things weren’t going to move forward. So in the end this book was just not for me.
May 14, 2019
What a beautiful book. I did not know how Jessica Francis Kane could write a whole novel about visiting friends and trees but she did and I loved it. I felt understood.
September 19, 2019
3 Stars
September 3, 2021
Oh, this was truly wonderful! I must admit I began the book with apprehension, as the friendship theme hinted at sappy chick lit. Thanks to the many glowing reviews on goodreads I pressed on and was quickly enthralled! The author’s note at the end says she found the inspiration from the life of the writer Amanda Davis. I tracked down the tributes to her on McSweeney’s (the site mentioned by the author) and immediately understood her appeal. Jessica Kane has skillfully woven many of Amanda’s endearing traits into the persona of the protagonist.
The plot is centered around a woman who decides, upon finding herself with some unexpected free time, to visit several special friends acquired over a lifetime. Her wise observations are poignant, and often humorous. I couldn’t resist flagging numerous passages as they are rich indeed and demand to be reread.
‘When a friend is suffering, it seems you have three options: You can sit silently with her, you can make suggestions, or you can share heartache from your own life. None of the three is as simple as it sounds. I know someone in college who was so full of advice it was exhausting to share problems with her. You left with a small treatise of self-improvement ideas and the urge to lie down. Share too many of your own stories and tragedy starts to feel competitive.’
How true is that! With each visit, different quirks and challenges emerge. The visitor manages to navigate them delicately, and because the story unfolds in the first person, one is privy to the resultant musings. Very satisfying, while also being quite an unusual and effective presentation. The author’s vast botanical knowledge comes into play, as references to various trees and their characteristics are scattered throughout, providing a unique recurring theme.
Regarding thank you notes, a rapidly vanishing entity, the protagonist offers an unusual perspective! I always feel quite virtuous when I manage to get one off and have surely been guilty of using the dreadful word!
‘I don’t know why people start thank you notes with the word just. Just a quick note to thank you for a wonderful time. Just wanted to say thank you for everything. It reduces expectations right from the start. It says: I understand the importance of saying thank you, but I won’t be writing a real letter. It says: I’d like to follow the best social conventions, but I won’t be spending much time on it.’
This novel resonated on so many levels! To usurp a sentiment expressed in one of the ringing endorsements on the cover, I want to buy this for everyone I know! 5 stars. 7-21-2021
The plot is centered around a woman who decides, upon finding herself with some unexpected free time, to visit several special friends acquired over a lifetime. Her wise observations are poignant, and often humorous. I couldn’t resist flagging numerous passages as they are rich indeed and demand to be reread.
‘When a friend is suffering, it seems you have three options: You can sit silently with her, you can make suggestions, or you can share heartache from your own life. None of the three is as simple as it sounds. I know someone in college who was so full of advice it was exhausting to share problems with her. You left with a small treatise of self-improvement ideas and the urge to lie down. Share too many of your own stories and tragedy starts to feel competitive.’
How true is that! With each visit, different quirks and challenges emerge. The visitor manages to navigate them delicately, and because the story unfolds in the first person, one is privy to the resultant musings. Very satisfying, while also being quite an unusual and effective presentation. The author’s vast botanical knowledge comes into play, as references to various trees and their characteristics are scattered throughout, providing a unique recurring theme.
Regarding thank you notes, a rapidly vanishing entity, the protagonist offers an unusual perspective! I always feel quite virtuous when I manage to get one off and have surely been guilty of using the dreadful word!
‘I don’t know why people start thank you notes with the word just. Just a quick note to thank you for a wonderful time. Just wanted to say thank you for everything. It reduces expectations right from the start. It says: I understand the importance of saying thank you, but I won’t be writing a real letter. It says: I’d like to follow the best social conventions, but I won’t be spending much time on it.’
This novel resonated on so many levels! To usurp a sentiment expressed in one of the ringing endorsements on the cover, I want to buy this for everyone I know! 5 stars. 7-21-2021
April 18, 2019
Part one of this book was hard for me. It felt jumpy, yet slow and discombobulated. But the honor of reading an advance copy forced me onward - I wanted to give this book my undivided attention and a thorough review. Boy am I glad that I did!
I truly love May Attaway. At first I equated her to “the next Eleanor Oliphant,” but she is so much more.
No, I am not obsessed with plants. Nor am I a 40-year-old, single woman living with my father and my cat... I am a 30-year-old engaged woman living with my fiancé and our cat, but I FELT myself in May. I rooted for her as she stepped out of her comfort zone to rekindle friendships. I related to her as she attempted to relate to friends who had changed by getting married, separating, having children and becoming craftoholics. I ached for May and the loss of her mother... the depth of their relationship beautiful and painful. And she urged me to dig into details about Emily Post, Emily Dickinson, etc - May is a fountain of knowledge (and an excellent houseguest).
I cried with May and giggled with May and seriously felt like I GREW with May. This book is THE book. Everyone should give it a shot.
I truly love May Attaway. At first I equated her to “the next Eleanor Oliphant,” but she is so much more.
No, I am not obsessed with plants. Nor am I a 40-year-old, single woman living with my father and my cat... I am a 30-year-old engaged woman living with my fiancé and our cat, but I FELT myself in May. I rooted for her as she stepped out of her comfort zone to rekindle friendships. I related to her as she attempted to relate to friends who had changed by getting married, separating, having children and becoming craftoholics. I ached for May and the loss of her mother... the depth of their relationship beautiful and painful. And she urged me to dig into details about Emily Post, Emily Dickinson, etc - May is a fountain of knowledge (and an excellent houseguest).
I cried with May and giggled with May and seriously felt like I GREW with May. This book is THE book. Everyone should give it a shot.
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