Elsewhere

by Lee Ann Bledsoe, Beulah

ELSEWHERE Monsters are born at night in the minds of children. They play with echoes of harsh words and memories of hurtful hands. They feed on secrets, lies and broken promises. They breed powerlessness and rage. She is only six-years-old the first time she feeds the monster growing inside her. She sits on the ground, behind an abandoned house, and stares at the Guinea pig trapped between her legs. She doesn’t see a small animal; she sees her newborn baby sister. She grabs a foot and pinches until it cries. The animal’s pain makes her giggle and she pinches harder. She slaps it, over and over, delighted every time it tries to get away and can’t. “Hold still, you little bitch,” she whispers. “You like it—you know you like it.” The child hopes the Sunday School God is watching. She hates Him more than anything. He could fix things if He wanted but He never does, no matter how hard she prays. She hits the Guinea pig again, and keeps hitting it until it dies. Torturing the small animal feeds her monster, but the feeding only makes it hungrier. And with every subsequent feeding, the monster grows bigger and stronger. ELSEWHERE provides a glimpse into the transformation from young victim to young victimizer. But only a glimpse. For that, I am so, so grateful. It could have been so much worse. I could have been so much worse. It has been 65 years and yet my memory of killing the Guinea pig is more vivid today than any other memory I have. My recollections of being raped and beaten, and of surviving extreme neglect have merged into a single story I call ELSEWHERE. But the memory of murdering the Guinea pig stands alone. The pleasure too intense to ever forget. The evil tasted delicious. The cruelness was intoxicating. The sense of power addictive. Electricity surged through my body, kissing and caressing all my nerve-endings, sending shivers across my shoulders, up and down my spine and through to my very center. I tasted evil and I loved it. On that day, so very long ago, I discovered what I was capable of and began doing things I regret to this day. I knew a monster lived inside me but didn’t know the Sunday School God was still inside me, too. I didn’t truly understand that until I was 15 and my “friend” forced me to stop babysitting. Can an imaginary friend be an angel? Could Beulah be an angel? I met her in ELSEWHERE, shortly before I murdered the Guinea pig. ELSEWHERE was my very own, special place and nobody ever went there unless I took them. Except Beulah. She simply showed up one day, acting like she had every right to be there, just like me. Looking back, I don’t think I would have survived my childhood without her. I fear other children might not have survived it, either. ELSEWHERE is a Testimony to Sunday school teachers, everywhere. Though frankly, I’m not sure if it’s my testimony or Beulah’s. She is still Here, helping me navigate the life I’ve been a life I am in love with today. I don’t understand Beulah any better now than I did on the day we met, but I stopped believing she was imaginary years and years ago. Today, I believe Beulah is an angel and every night I thank the Sunday School God for sending her to me.

258 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 13, 2020

Reviews

[Corina · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the Author jumps around to different periods in her life, she makes it work. It was a bit confusing the first couple of times but by then the Reader is already hooked and keeps reading. In fact, this Reader was hooked from the first couple of pages.

The story is one of a dysfunctional family and the scars left on an innocent child caught up in the ugliness. It's a story of survival and of pulling oneself out of the past and building a better future.

Well with the investment of time!