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Uważne współczucie
Czy jesteś gotowy zmienić swój umysł, swoje emocje i relacje z samym sobą oraz z innymi ludźmi? Stać się bardziej troskliwy i wspierający? Odzyskać życiową równowagę, pewność siebie i dobre samopoczucie? Jeśli tak, to przygotuj się na zmianę sposobu, w jaki doświadczasz swojego życia, dzięki uważności i współczuciu. Paul Gilbert, twórca terapii skoncentrowanej na współczuciu, i Choden, opierając się na swoim długoletnim doświadczeniu, a także na wynikach badań między innymi z dziedziny psychologii ewolucyjnej i neuronauki, wyjaśniają, w jaki sposób praktykowanie uważnego współczucia sprzyja regulacji emocji, dobrostanowi i pogłębianiu relacji społecznych. Uważność to mająca ogromną moc umiejętność, która może pomóc nam żyć bardziej świadomie, ale sama nie wystarczy, by całkowicie zmienić sposób działania naszego umysłu. Aby w pełni się rozwijać, potrzebujemy współczucia, rozumianego jako wrażliwość na własne i cudze cierpienie powiązana z zaangażowanym działaniem na rzecz zapobiegania mu i jego łagodzenia. Współczucie nie jest więc słabością, pobłażaniem sobie, litością czy poddańczą życzliwością – ono wymaga odwagi, mądrości, życzliwości i zaangażowania.
Z tej książki dowiesz się, jak uważność i współczucie mogą harmonijnie współdziałać, zapewniając skuteczne i praktyczne sposoby radzenia sobie z lękiem, niepokojem, złością czy depresją. Dzięki zamieszczonym w niej ćwiczeniom wykształcisz pełną troski, współczującą postawę wobec siebie i innych, a także otworzysz się na współczucie płynące z rożnych kierunków.
Jeśli chcesz skończyć z toksyczną samokrytyką, uleczyć traumę, pokonać wstyd, czuć się osobą godną szacunku, a także bardziej życzliwie traktować siebie i innych ludzi, to ta książka wskaże ci drogę do tego.
Z tej książki dowiesz się, jak uważność i współczucie mogą harmonijnie współdziałać, zapewniając skuteczne i praktyczne sposoby radzenia sobie z lękiem, niepokojem, złością czy depresją. Dzięki zamieszczonym w niej ćwiczeniom wykształcisz pełną troski, współczującą postawę wobec siebie i innych, a także otworzysz się na współczucie płynące z rożnych kierunków.
Jeśli chcesz skończyć z toksyczną samokrytyką, uleczyć traumę, pokonać wstyd, czuć się osobą godną szacunku, a także bardziej życzliwie traktować siebie i innych ludzi, to ta książka wskaże ci drogę do tego.
376 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2013
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1533 people want to read
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November 26, 2019This is a nice book, I had heard of Paul Gilbert's The Compassionate Mind and was minded to read it, since however this was the one that I myself boldly found cruelly abandoned on the library shelves, this was the one that I read.
Facing the contents pages I saw: "Important Note This book is not intended as a substitute for medical advice or treatment. Any person with a condition requiring medical attention should consult a qualified medical practitioner or suitable therapist" (pvi), in a way I feel similar important notes could be printed in many books - cookbooks for instance on the other hand this strikes me as cakeism, why else does a person read a book like this? Either one wants to cure oneself or others ,it is not the kind of book you grab because you fancy a Thriller to read on the beach. But any way we have been official warned - don't try to cure yourself without qualified or suitable assistance.
The book is divided into two parts. The second part describes meditation practises aimed at developing compassion. I didn't see any appreciable difference between what was described here and Metta meditation (or loving-kindness), but perhaps I was missing something.
The first part sets out to explain to the reader, gentle or otherwise, why such practises are beneficial for the human person. The explanation was partly from a Buddhist perspective - that compassion is a necessary partner for Mindfulness, each on their own is insufficient, indeed the authors warn that either on their own may be harmful. The other element to their explanation was scientific (or quasi-scientific) arguing that if we understand the mind as a product of evolution, then we can appreciate that it consists of extensions and add-ons, adaptations from more basic forms and operations, a cluster of lean-tos whose functionality is plainly good enough to get us through our lives, but which leaves us vulnerable to various problems with our mental health. The combination, the authors suggest of mindfulness and compassion exercises, can help cope with the weird consequences of living inside a human mind, non-human minds, I imagine are also weird, but possibly in their own ways.
For the authors the desire to alleviate suffering in all conscious creatures -which is the consequence of Mindfulness and Compassion, leads naturally to social activism, the aim of the practice is not to be become passive but to become active and courageous in the world - but without burning out or becoming overwhelmed by the scale and scope of suffering to be found in this world of ours. They look towards organisations like compassion in world farming, or the restorative justice movement, and to governments that offer universal healthcare and education. They also stress the capacity of all of us through the exercises they suggest to recreate ourselves as compassionate (or more compassionate) beings, a useful point since I guess unconsciously we are continuously recreating ourselves anyway and those unconsciousness influence that form us from our day to day lives might not be leading us to becoming kindlier persons.
I appreciated that the font was a larger size and the text clearly spaced, I have been practising mindfulness and compassion meditations now for, ooohh - I don't know how many years (maths, I suspect, is not my strong point) and I like to read books on and around the topic now and again, to refresh or inspire myself. I didn't feel that I got much out of this one, but it is certainly nice and clearly laid out, I even read some of the endnotes, the bibliography includes some websites - and on some of those there are spoken mediations that you can download and use on your chosen electronic audio playing device (I don't know if there are any such resources for aficionados of wax cylinders).
What touched me and engaged me most was the biographical information that the authors shared about themselves - as two white boys with African childhoods, Gilbert in Nigeria and Choden in South Africa- the sense of how that had shaped them - how they experienced it as alienation from the people and environment around them, and their adult lives lived out in reaction to that, but then I am biased to believe that we can find meaning, if not always truth, in biographies.
Despite the bibliography, the websites, and the important note, I think this might be a self-sufficient book if you were looking for a sympathetic introduction to the subjects of Mindfulness and compassion, and given the mindful and compassionate font size and layout the book is less long than it appears.
Facing the contents pages I saw: "Important Note This book is not intended as a substitute for medical advice or treatment. Any person with a condition requiring medical attention should consult a qualified medical practitioner or suitable therapist" (pvi), in a way I feel similar important notes could be printed in many books - cookbooks for instance on the other hand this strikes me as cakeism, why else does a person read a book like this? Either one wants to cure oneself or others ,it is not the kind of book you grab because you fancy a Thriller to read on the beach. But any way we have been official warned - don't try to cure yourself without qualified or suitable assistance.
The book is divided into two parts. The second part describes meditation practises aimed at developing compassion. I didn't see any appreciable difference between what was described here and Metta meditation (or loving-kindness), but perhaps I was missing something.
The first part sets out to explain to the reader, gentle or otherwise, why such practises are beneficial for the human person. The explanation was partly from a Buddhist perspective - that compassion is a necessary partner for Mindfulness, each on their own is insufficient, indeed the authors warn that either on their own may be harmful. The other element to their explanation was scientific (or quasi-scientific) arguing that if we understand the mind as a product of evolution, then we can appreciate that it consists of extensions and add-ons, adaptations from more basic forms and operations, a cluster of lean-tos whose functionality is plainly good enough to get us through our lives, but which leaves us vulnerable to various problems with our mental health. The combination, the authors suggest of mindfulness and compassion exercises, can help cope with the weird consequences of living inside a human mind, non-human minds, I imagine are also weird, but possibly in their own ways.
For the authors the desire to alleviate suffering in all conscious creatures -which is the consequence of Mindfulness and Compassion, leads naturally to social activism, the aim of the practice is not to be become passive but to become active and courageous in the world - but without burning out or becoming overwhelmed by the scale and scope of suffering to be found in this world of ours. They look towards organisations like compassion in world farming, or the restorative justice movement, and to governments that offer universal healthcare and education. They also stress the capacity of all of us through the exercises they suggest to recreate ourselves as compassionate (or more compassionate) beings, a useful point since I guess unconsciously we are continuously recreating ourselves anyway and those unconsciousness influence that form us from our day to day lives might not be leading us to becoming kindlier persons.
I appreciated that the font was a larger size and the text clearly spaced, I have been practising mindfulness and compassion meditations now for, ooohh - I don't know how many years (maths, I suspect, is not my strong point) and I like to read books on and around the topic now and again, to refresh or inspire myself. I didn't feel that I got much out of this one, but it is certainly nice and clearly laid out, I even read some of the endnotes, the bibliography includes some websites - and on some of those there are spoken mediations that you can download and use on your chosen electronic audio playing device (I don't know if there are any such resources for aficionados of wax cylinders).
What touched me and engaged me most was the biographical information that the authors shared about themselves - as two white boys with African childhoods, Gilbert in Nigeria and Choden in South Africa- the sense of how that had shaped them - how they experienced it as alienation from the people and environment around them, and their adult lives lived out in reaction to that, but then I am biased to believe that we can find meaning, if not always truth, in biographies.
Despite the bibliography, the websites, and the important note, I think this might be a self-sufficient book if you were looking for a sympathetic introduction to the subjects of Mindfulness and compassion, and given the mindful and compassionate font size and layout the book is less long than it appears.
February 5, 2017
The mindful practice of compassion is life-altering. This is one of the best books to learn about it. Half the book is crucial philosophy and thought while the second half is practical application. Excellent. I will be rereading this for a long time
November 4, 2018
As we draw closer to the end of the year, it’s perhaps fitting that my first book of this month is the wonderful ‘Mindful Compassion’ by Paul Gilbert and Choden. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting when I picked up this book, but it surprised me! Why? Almost the entire first half of the book takes you on a scientific journey into the evolution of the brain. It took me a while to figure out why this was necessary, but Gilbert uses this material to help us understand the evolutionary process that the brain has had to undergo to come up with its ‘fight or flee’ response. That’s pretty much what we try to do in life, don’t we?
We want more of what we like and when something comes along that we don’t like, our immediate wish is to be rid of it. Boyfriend dumped you? Best to forget it and move on. Block that guy and remove all traces of him from your life, and grit your teeth and feign a great recovery. Or alternatively, crumble at that boyfriend’s feet and beg him to take you back. Of course, I am oversimplifying life by giving that rather cliched example. Yet, these are precisely the sort of responses that our brain takes in stressful situations. I have spent a large part of this year trying to understand how best to mould compassion into our own states of being. It does not mean that I am walking around with a halo. Far be it. But as the book states, we come closer to recognizing the fallibilities in us all, and to apply that kind eye first to ourselves, to life, to our overarching minds, to others who hurt us, and to the process of being itself. To be kind is to be happy. Of that, I am convinced. Gilbert provides some great practical examples throughout the book. You don’t have to be a master meditation to apply those examples as they are fairly simple visualization exercises. And that’s where the book succeeds - its ability to reach out to even those who shun meditation.
We want more of what we like and when something comes along that we don’t like, our immediate wish is to be rid of it. Boyfriend dumped you? Best to forget it and move on. Block that guy and remove all traces of him from your life, and grit your teeth and feign a great recovery. Or alternatively, crumble at that boyfriend’s feet and beg him to take you back. Of course, I am oversimplifying life by giving that rather cliched example. Yet, these are precisely the sort of responses that our brain takes in stressful situations. I have spent a large part of this year trying to understand how best to mould compassion into our own states of being. It does not mean that I am walking around with a halo. Far be it. But as the book states, we come closer to recognizing the fallibilities in us all, and to apply that kind eye first to ourselves, to life, to our overarching minds, to others who hurt us, and to the process of being itself. To be kind is to be happy. Of that, I am convinced. Gilbert provides some great practical examples throughout the book. You don’t have to be a master meditation to apply those examples as they are fairly simple visualization exercises. And that’s where the book succeeds - its ability to reach out to even those who shun meditation.
August 12, 2020
My first dive into the depths of mahayana Buddhism. Hence my awe. The book is masterfully narrated by Rupert Farley and posesses a very good balance between the theory of our different mental systems as well as practical advise. It does provide a brilliant framework to build upon, and be able to deal with one self's suffering as well as others around: "May you be free from suffering" repeated out loud many times throughout the book is not in vain if one understands the guiding motivations compassion and self criticism. Calibrate perception into a level where you're able to define the kind of self you wish to cultivate. Today, here. Rushing between books that bring you joy, emotion or knowledge? Why not pause and look inside you using a compassionate mindset with the tools this book provides? I know I will be back to its pages.
January 17, 2014
This book had some meditation instruction which has been very helpful. It was really simple things like sending loving kindness to a difficult person is not endorsing their behavior. I loved the writing style. It felt very clear throughout.
October 20, 2020
I revisited the subject of Compassion and Paul Gilbert. This does for Buddhism what Jordan Peterson does for Christianity and shows the psychological basis that underlies Buddhism. It shamelessly draws on evolutionary psychology to explain why we are the way we are. In the past I have liked the pragmatism of Gilbert’s work and this is no different.
I have always been troubled by the concept of being ‘non-judgemental’ in the therapeutic setting. People make judgements all the time, especially about themselves. When you challenge the judgements of self-loathing when they have done something awful or lacking it sets up an interesting juxtaposition. Carl Rogers is the progenerator of the ‘no judgement – unconditional positive regard ethos. I am not sure he meant it as understood having read his work.
The parody for being non-judgemental would be as follows:
Person - “I have just been cheating on my partner whilst mainlining heroin whilst my infant child is watching strapped in the baby carrier...”
Non-Judgemental Therapist – “You are alright just the way you are”.
Such a person is seeking judgement (unless they are a psychopath), they are seeking change towards something better than their current situation. They may not know where to start with the required change. When someone is seeking change and improvement it is pessimistic to tell them they are OK as they are.
Gilbert and Choden reframe the concept of being ‘non-judgemental’ into ‘non-condemnation’. This was worth reading the book, just for this. It is a better way of thinking of working with this premise. ‘I am not going to condemn you, you do not need to suffer anymore. How can we relieve your suffering’. That is compassion in action that allows judgement and sorting ones behaviours and actions into a hierarchy unhelpful, good and better.
Gilbert and Choden describe working with not extinguishing the three emotions that are most often unhelpful: Sadness; Anxiety; Anger. He acknowledged that these emotions have a good evolutionary basis behind them and can be helpful and healthy. As with any emotion when one is experiencing them in a pervasive manner, they become unhelpful. The goal of any mindfulness is to allow these emotions to occur and observe them with curiosity. They suggest that the Guru’s who suggest that mindfulness can be used to extinguish such emotions are Charlatans. I have known several Mindfulness proponents who promise extinguishing these emotions with calm serene mindfulness practice. I know now to politely thank them and walk away.
“Consequently without “care” mindfulness meditation can lead us headlong into a brick wall of our deeply held resistances or expectations of how things should be. And, furthermore, because we are frightened of some of the things that go on in our minds, we can stay hiding. As we have seen, this may be because of shame and fear of what might happen if the disowned parts of ourselves emerge in conscious awareness”(p 161). It is not well known that mindfulness can and has lead to psychotic breaks in previously healthy people. This most often happens in retreats where stimulation is removed.
“If we focus on being competitive, this organises our thinking and behaviour around gain and success, whereas if we are motivated by compassion this organizes our thinking and behaviour around caring and responsiveness” (p 170). Gilbert and Choden are incorrect here. I am a great believer in Aristotle’s golden mean and compassion can become pathological if taken to extremes. Competitive is synonymous to me with giving my best effort. I am most competitive with myself. A loss of this aspect would be to abandon quality. A competitive person tries to get the best quality from themselves. It can become pathological. Compassion can become pathological when it prevents an individual suffering. We need an amount of stress (and suffering) to grow. Balance is all things.
“A compassionate act might be spending time preparing a healthy meal for yourself rather than a quick microwave one” (p 238). This denotes hierarchy, that a ‘healthy meal’ is better than a microwave one. The book was spent avoiding such judgements and accepting what is in the moment. A clear, but small judgement was made. They do not believe their own bullshit.
I still love Paul Gilbert. I think he goes overboard at times. Compassion and mindfulness are part of a well-integrated soul. They can both be taken too far. I will read more of his work. I like it.
I have always been troubled by the concept of being ‘non-judgemental’ in the therapeutic setting. People make judgements all the time, especially about themselves. When you challenge the judgements of self-loathing when they have done something awful or lacking it sets up an interesting juxtaposition. Carl Rogers is the progenerator of the ‘no judgement – unconditional positive regard ethos. I am not sure he meant it as understood having read his work.
The parody for being non-judgemental would be as follows:
Person - “I have just been cheating on my partner whilst mainlining heroin whilst my infant child is watching strapped in the baby carrier...”
Non-Judgemental Therapist – “You are alright just the way you are”.
Such a person is seeking judgement (unless they are a psychopath), they are seeking change towards something better than their current situation. They may not know where to start with the required change. When someone is seeking change and improvement it is pessimistic to tell them they are OK as they are.
Gilbert and Choden reframe the concept of being ‘non-judgemental’ into ‘non-condemnation’. This was worth reading the book, just for this. It is a better way of thinking of working with this premise. ‘I am not going to condemn you, you do not need to suffer anymore. How can we relieve your suffering’. That is compassion in action that allows judgement and sorting ones behaviours and actions into a hierarchy unhelpful, good and better.
Gilbert and Choden describe working with not extinguishing the three emotions that are most often unhelpful: Sadness; Anxiety; Anger. He acknowledged that these emotions have a good evolutionary basis behind them and can be helpful and healthy. As with any emotion when one is experiencing them in a pervasive manner, they become unhelpful. The goal of any mindfulness is to allow these emotions to occur and observe them with curiosity. They suggest that the Guru’s who suggest that mindfulness can be used to extinguish such emotions are Charlatans. I have known several Mindfulness proponents who promise extinguishing these emotions with calm serene mindfulness practice. I know now to politely thank them and walk away.
“Consequently without “care” mindfulness meditation can lead us headlong into a brick wall of our deeply held resistances or expectations of how things should be. And, furthermore, because we are frightened of some of the things that go on in our minds, we can stay hiding. As we have seen, this may be because of shame and fear of what might happen if the disowned parts of ourselves emerge in conscious awareness”(p 161). It is not well known that mindfulness can and has lead to psychotic breaks in previously healthy people. This most often happens in retreats where stimulation is removed.
“If we focus on being competitive, this organises our thinking and behaviour around gain and success, whereas if we are motivated by compassion this organizes our thinking and behaviour around caring and responsiveness” (p 170). Gilbert and Choden are incorrect here. I am a great believer in Aristotle’s golden mean and compassion can become pathological if taken to extremes. Competitive is synonymous to me with giving my best effort. I am most competitive with myself. A loss of this aspect would be to abandon quality. A competitive person tries to get the best quality from themselves. It can become pathological. Compassion can become pathological when it prevents an individual suffering. We need an amount of stress (and suffering) to grow. Balance is all things.
“A compassionate act might be spending time preparing a healthy meal for yourself rather than a quick microwave one” (p 238). This denotes hierarchy, that a ‘healthy meal’ is better than a microwave one. The book was spent avoiding such judgements and accepting what is in the moment. A clear, but small judgement was made. They do not believe their own bullshit.
I still love Paul Gilbert. I think he goes overboard at times. Compassion and mindfulness are part of a well-integrated soul. They can both be taken too far. I will read more of his work. I like it.
August 17, 2016
A great book about cultivating the compassionate part of yourself.
Do you believe that compassion is for the weak, and excuse for sentimental idiots? Or do you simply think of it as an ideal, something that cannot be attained, or is merely 'nice' to strive for, but not something you can do?
So did I. I lacked reasons for this ideal, clear descriptions of the feeling, the benefits. This book provided me with what I needed.
May you be happy, and may you be free from the causes of suffering.
Do you believe that compassion is for the weak, and excuse for sentimental idiots? Or do you simply think of it as an ideal, something that cannot be attained, or is merely 'nice' to strive for, but not something you can do?
So did I. I lacked reasons for this ideal, clear descriptions of the feeling, the benefits. This book provided me with what I needed.
May you be happy, and may you be free from the causes of suffering.
January 20, 2018
The exercises were quite motivational. I expected more examples but in the end I got the whole point and decided to apply this method in my daily life.
April 3, 2020
2019.10.12–2019.10.20
Contents
Gilbert P & Choden K (2014) (15:25) Mindful Compassion - How the Science of Compassion Can Help You Understand Your Emotions, Live in the Present, and Connect Deeply with Others
Preface
• Paul
• Choden
Acknowledgments
• Paul
• Choden
Introduction
• Training the Mind
• Our Multiple Selves
• Understanding the Mind
• The Self We Might Choose
• The Importance of Wisdom
• The Lotus in the Mud
• Key Points
Part I: The Issues
01. Waking Up
• The Four Noble Truths and Modern Psychology
• • The First Noble Truth
• • The Second Noble Truth
• • The Third Noble Truth
• • The Fourth Noble Truth
• Emergence and Interconnectedness
• The Buddha’s Story and Us
• • Reflection One
• • Reflection Two
• • Reflection Three
• Key Points
02. Evolved Mind and Motivations
• Understanding Our Origins—The Flow of Life
• The Evolutionary Journey
• The Consequences of Evolution for Mindful Compassion
• Old and New Brains
• The Problems with Humans Getting Smart
• How the Brain Coordinates Itself
• Motives Coordinate the Mind
• Minds Full of Conflicts
• The Affliction of Self-Identity
• The Shamed Self
• The Compassionate Self and Its Benefits
• • Reflection One
• • Reflection Two
• Bringing Our Story Together
• Key Points
03. Emotional Systems
• Problems with Emotions
• Emotional Regulation Systems
• Threat and Self-Protection System
• Why the Threat System Gives Us a Hard Time
• Drive and Resource-Seeking System
• • Drive Emotions and Our Social Relationships
• The Soothing/Affiliation System
• • Soothing and Relationships
• • Early Life, Attachment, and Soothing
• • Distinguishing Safeness and Safety Seeking
• • The Importance of Affiliation
• All Want Love and to Be Loving
• Key Points
04. Emergence of Compassion
• What Is Compassion?
• Healing: Definition of Compassion
• • Compassion, Kindness, and Love
• • Compassion and the Importance of Nurturance
• • Compassion as a Social Mentality: Its Multidimensional Nature
• • The Two Psychologies of Compassion
• The Attributes of Compassion: Engagement
• • Motivation
• • Sensitivity
• • Sympathy
• • • Blocks to Sympathy
• • • Sympathy and Guilt
• • Distress Tolerance
• • Empathy
• • • Empathy and Emotional Containment
• • • Empathy vs. Projection
• • • Unhelpful Empathy
• • • Blocking Our Empathy
• • Nonjudgment
• Bringing the Attributes Together and the Emergence of Compassion
• Skills of Compassion: Alleviation and Prevention
• • Compassionate Attention
• • Compassionate Imagery
• • Compassionate Feelings
• • Compassionate Thinking
• • Compassionate Sensory Focusing
• • Compassionate Behavior
• • Compassionate Courage
• • Compassionate Kindness
• The Two Psychologies of Compassion: Bringing Them Together
• Key Points
05. The Challenge of Mindfulness Practice
• The Role of Mindfulness
• • Definitions
• • Present-Moment Awareness
• • Not Our Fault
• • Default-Mode Network
• • Origins of Mindfulness
• • Secular Mindfulness
• Problems That Can Arise with Mindfulness
• Mindfulness and Motives
• • Mindfulness and Compassion
• • Mindfulness and the Threat System
• • Mindfulness and Shame
• • Mindfulness and Acceptance
• • Mindfulness and Aloneness
• • Mindfulness as a Way of Controlling the Mind
• • Mindfulness and Avoidance
• • Mindfulness of the Chaotic Mind, Not Just the Still Mind
• • Mindfulness and Relationships
• Key Points
06. The Lotus in the Mud
• Understanding How Compassion Can Be Undermined
• Compromised Soothing/Affiliation System
• Misunderstandings About the Nature of Compassion
• Fears of and Resistances to Compassion
• Fear of Happiness
• Emotional Memory
• Affiliation and Emotional Memory
• Affiliation and Emotional Fusion
• Affiliation and Anger
• Affiliation and Slowing Down—In the Culture of Speeding Up
• Psychology of Avoidance
• The Story of Chenrezig
• Compassion as Ascent to the Angelic?
• Compassion as “Cleansing and Purifying” Inner Poisons
• The Real Story of Compassion—Descent
• Descent: Choden’s Personal Journey
• Descent and the Emergence of Compassion: The Beginning of New Life
• Compassion and the Flow of Life
• Key Points
Part II: The Practices
Introduction: Compassionate Motivation
• Outline of Practice Chapters
07. Mindfulness Practice
• Recognizing the Unsettled Mind
• • Reflection After the Exercise
• Beginning to Work with Attention
• Slowing Down and Settling
• Opening Up to Our Senses
• • Reflection Afterward
• Single-Focus Attention and Open-Field Awareness
• Grounding in the Body
• Body Scan
• Body Awareness and Compassion
• Sitting Practice
• • Posture
• • Key Elements of Sitting Practice
• • Start When Things Are Easy
• • No Time to Practice
• • Practice Takes Patience
• • Soothing Breathing Rhythm
• • Grounding
• • Resting
• • Breath Support
• Little and Often
• Conclusion
• Key Stages
08. Working with Acceptance
• Habitual Reactions
• Familiarization and Cultivation
• Intention, Attention, and Acceptance
• Experiential Acceptance
• Two Psychologies of Compassion
• How Do We Practice Acceptance?
• • Motivation
• • Sensitivity
• • Sympathy
• • Tolerance
• • Empathy
• • Nonjudgment
• • Step One: Turning Toward (Motive)
• • Step Two: Recognizing and Labeling (Sensitivity)
• • Step Three: Allowing (Tolerance and Sympathy)
• • Step Four: Paying Close Attention (Empathy)
• • Step Five: Making Space (Nonjudgment)
• Cultivating the Observer
• Key Points
09. Building Compassionate Capacity
• Compassion as Flow
• Working with Imagery
• No Clear Pictures
• Safe Place
• • Safeness vs. Safety
• • Intrusions
• Compassionate Color
• Compassionate Image
• • Qualities of the Compassionate Image
• • • Wisdom
• • • Strength and Benevolent Authority
• • • Motivation and Commitment
• Recognizing Our Wish for Happiness
• Key Points
10. The Compassionate Self
• Cultivating Helpful Patterns
• Imagining Our Compassionate Self
• Method-Acting Techniques
• The Qualities of Our Compassionate Self
• • Wisdom
• • Authority and Strength
• • Compassionate Motive and Commitment
• • Warmth and Kindness
• Remembering Our Compassionate Self
• Doing the Work of Compassion
• Focusing Our Compassionate Self: Compassion for a Loved One
• Focusing Our Compassionate Self: Compassion for Oneself
• Self-Compassion Break
• Working with the Anxious Self
• Working with the Angry Self
• Working with the Critical Self
• Compassionate Behavior
• Key Points
11. Widening Our Circle of Compassion
• Four Limitless Contemplations
• Practicing Compassion for Others
• • Aspiring
• • Dissolving
• • Equalizing
• • Someone Who Is Close
• • Someone Who Is Neutral
• • Someone Who Is Difficult
• • Opening Out to All Others
• Dissolving and Equalizing “On the Spot”
• Self-Preoccupation
• Tonglen: Taking and Sending
• Practicing Tonglen
• Tonglen on the Spot
• Conclusion
• Key Points
Conclusion: The Compassionate Journey
Find Out More
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Contents
Gilbert P & Choden K (2014) (15:25) Mindful Compassion - How the Science of Compassion Can Help You Understand Your Emotions, Live in the Present, and Connect Deeply with Others
Preface
• Paul
• Choden
Acknowledgments
• Paul
• Choden
Introduction
• Training the Mind
• Our Multiple Selves
• Understanding the Mind
• The Self We Might Choose
• The Importance of Wisdom
• The Lotus in the Mud
• Key Points
Part I: The Issues
01. Waking Up
• The Four Noble Truths and Modern Psychology
• • The First Noble Truth
• • The Second Noble Truth
• • The Third Noble Truth
• • The Fourth Noble Truth
• Emergence and Interconnectedness
• The Buddha’s Story and Us
• • Reflection One
• • Reflection Two
• • Reflection Three
• Key Points
02. Evolved Mind and Motivations
• Understanding Our Origins—The Flow of Life
• The Evolutionary Journey
• The Consequences of Evolution for Mindful Compassion
• Old and New Brains
• The Problems with Humans Getting Smart
• How the Brain Coordinates Itself
• Motives Coordinate the Mind
• Minds Full of Conflicts
• The Affliction of Self-Identity
• The Shamed Self
• The Compassionate Self and Its Benefits
• • Reflection One
• • Reflection Two
• Bringing Our Story Together
• Key Points
03. Emotional Systems
• Problems with Emotions
• Emotional Regulation Systems
• Threat and Self-Protection System
• Why the Threat System Gives Us a Hard Time
• Drive and Resource-Seeking System
• • Drive Emotions and Our Social Relationships
• The Soothing/Affiliation System
• • Soothing and Relationships
• • Early Life, Attachment, and Soothing
• • Distinguishing Safeness and Safety Seeking
• • The Importance of Affiliation
• All Want Love and to Be Loving
• Key Points
04. Emergence of Compassion
• What Is Compassion?
• Healing: Definition of Compassion
• • Compassion, Kindness, and Love
• • Compassion and the Importance of Nurturance
• • Compassion as a Social Mentality: Its Multidimensional Nature
• • The Two Psychologies of Compassion
• The Attributes of Compassion: Engagement
• • Motivation
• • Sensitivity
• • Sympathy
• • • Blocks to Sympathy
• • • Sympathy and Guilt
• • Distress Tolerance
• • Empathy
• • • Empathy and Emotional Containment
• • • Empathy vs. Projection
• • • Unhelpful Empathy
• • • Blocking Our Empathy
• • Nonjudgment
• Bringing the Attributes Together and the Emergence of Compassion
• Skills of Compassion: Alleviation and Prevention
• • Compassionate Attention
• • Compassionate Imagery
• • Compassionate Feelings
• • Compassionate Thinking
• • Compassionate Sensory Focusing
• • Compassionate Behavior
• • Compassionate Courage
• • Compassionate Kindness
• The Two Psychologies of Compassion: Bringing Them Together
• Key Points
05. The Challenge of Mindfulness Practice
• The Role of Mindfulness
• • Definitions
• • Present-Moment Awareness
• • Not Our Fault
• • Default-Mode Network
• • Origins of Mindfulness
• • Secular Mindfulness
• Problems That Can Arise with Mindfulness
• Mindfulness and Motives
• • Mindfulness and Compassion
• • Mindfulness and the Threat System
• • Mindfulness and Shame
• • Mindfulness and Acceptance
• • Mindfulness and Aloneness
• • Mindfulness as a Way of Controlling the Mind
• • Mindfulness and Avoidance
• • Mindfulness of the Chaotic Mind, Not Just the Still Mind
• • Mindfulness and Relationships
• Key Points
06. The Lotus in the Mud
• Understanding How Compassion Can Be Undermined
• Compromised Soothing/Affiliation System
• Misunderstandings About the Nature of Compassion
• Fears of and Resistances to Compassion
• Fear of Happiness
• Emotional Memory
• Affiliation and Emotional Memory
• Affiliation and Emotional Fusion
• Affiliation and Anger
• Affiliation and Slowing Down—In the Culture of Speeding Up
• Psychology of Avoidance
• The Story of Chenrezig
• Compassion as Ascent to the Angelic?
• Compassion as “Cleansing and Purifying” Inner Poisons
• The Real Story of Compassion—Descent
• Descent: Choden’s Personal Journey
• Descent and the Emergence of Compassion: The Beginning of New Life
• Compassion and the Flow of Life
• Key Points
Part II: The Practices
Introduction: Compassionate Motivation
• Outline of Practice Chapters
07. Mindfulness Practice
• Recognizing the Unsettled Mind
• • Reflection After the Exercise
• Beginning to Work with Attention
• Slowing Down and Settling
• Opening Up to Our Senses
• • Reflection Afterward
• Single-Focus Attention and Open-Field Awareness
• Grounding in the Body
• Body Scan
• Body Awareness and Compassion
• Sitting Practice
• • Posture
• • Key Elements of Sitting Practice
• • Start When Things Are Easy
• • No Time to Practice
• • Practice Takes Patience
• • Soothing Breathing Rhythm
• • Grounding
• • Resting
• • Breath Support
• Little and Often
• Conclusion
• Key Stages
08. Working with Acceptance
• Habitual Reactions
• Familiarization and Cultivation
• Intention, Attention, and Acceptance
• Experiential Acceptance
• Two Psychologies of Compassion
• How Do We Practice Acceptance?
• • Motivation
• • Sensitivity
• • Sympathy
• • Tolerance
• • Empathy
• • Nonjudgment
• • Step One: Turning Toward (Motive)
• • Step Two: Recognizing and Labeling (Sensitivity)
• • Step Three: Allowing (Tolerance and Sympathy)
• • Step Four: Paying Close Attention (Empathy)
• • Step Five: Making Space (Nonjudgment)
• Cultivating the Observer
• Key Points
09. Building Compassionate Capacity
• Compassion as Flow
• Working with Imagery
• No Clear Pictures
• Safe Place
• • Safeness vs. Safety
• • Intrusions
• Compassionate Color
• Compassionate Image
• • Qualities of the Compassionate Image
• • • Wisdom
• • • Strength and Benevolent Authority
• • • Motivation and Commitment
• Recognizing Our Wish for Happiness
• Key Points
10. The Compassionate Self
• Cultivating Helpful Patterns
• Imagining Our Compassionate Self
• Method-Acting Techniques
• The Qualities of Our Compassionate Self
• • Wisdom
• • Authority and Strength
• • Compassionate Motive and Commitment
• • Warmth and Kindness
• Remembering Our Compassionate Self
• Doing the Work of Compassion
• Focusing Our Compassionate Self: Compassion for a Loved One
• Focusing Our Compassionate Self: Compassion for Oneself
• Self-Compassion Break
• Working with the Anxious Self
• Working with the Angry Self
• Working with the Critical Self
• Compassionate Behavior
• Key Points
11. Widening Our Circle of Compassion
• Four Limitless Contemplations
• Practicing Compassion for Others
• • Aspiring
• • Dissolving
• • Equalizing
• • Someone Who Is Close
• • Someone Who Is Neutral
• • Someone Who Is Difficult
• • Opening Out to All Others
• Dissolving and Equalizing “On the Spot”
• Self-Preoccupation
• Tonglen: Taking and Sending
• Practicing Tonglen
• Tonglen on the Spot
• Conclusion
• Key Points
Conclusion: The Compassionate Journey
Find Out More
• Books
• CDs
• Websites
February 4, 2020
I stumbled across the area of psychology known as self-compassion by happenstance in a book which stated that when Jesus taught the Second Great Commandment: “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” (Matt. 22:39) He implied that we must love ourselves. The book argued further that many times we do not do this very well. I agreed and decided to look deeper.
My journey has taken me through the works of Kristin Neff, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Matteiu Ricard, and a number of others till I came to Paul Gilbert and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT). (I even got the chance to attend a 2-day seminar led by Gilbert at BYU) It got me so interested and excited that I decided to write my master’s thesis project about it.
In an effort to help people with their compassion (which can influence individuals, communities, and eventually the world), I decided I wanted to create a way for members of the Armed Services have a slice of the understanding given in Mindful Compassion and other works on Compassion. There is truly an epidemic surrounding suicide and suicidality. My intent is to help chaplains in the military give their service men and women a line of defense against such suffering. So, as part of my thesis required before I graduate and become a chaplain myself, I’m using principles of CFT (as found in Mindful Compassion) to create a 3-lesson course on compassion; what it is, compassion for yourself and compassion for other. These lessons will hopefully be given by chaplains to large groups of service members who want to improve their ideas of themselves.
I truly believe that if more people were to follow the precepts of Mindful Compassion and inhabiting the Compassionate Self, the world would be a much better place.
My journey has taken me through the works of Kristin Neff, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Matteiu Ricard, and a number of others till I came to Paul Gilbert and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT). (I even got the chance to attend a 2-day seminar led by Gilbert at BYU) It got me so interested and excited that I decided to write my master’s thesis project about it.
In an effort to help people with their compassion (which can influence individuals, communities, and eventually the world), I decided I wanted to create a way for members of the Armed Services have a slice of the understanding given in Mindful Compassion and other works on Compassion. There is truly an epidemic surrounding suicide and suicidality. My intent is to help chaplains in the military give their service men and women a line of defense against such suffering. So, as part of my thesis required before I graduate and become a chaplain myself, I’m using principles of CFT (as found in Mindful Compassion) to create a 3-lesson course on compassion; what it is, compassion for yourself and compassion for other. These lessons will hopefully be given by chaplains to large groups of service members who want to improve their ideas of themselves.
I truly believe that if more people were to follow the precepts of Mindful Compassion and inhabiting the Compassionate Self, the world would be a much better place.
March 16, 2025
This book was received from a Goodreads Giveaway.
Mindful Compassion by Paul Gilbert and Choden is a thoughtful and enriching exploration of how mindfulness and compassion can work together to promote emotional healing and well-being. Drawing on Gilbert’s extensive background in psychology and Choden’s experience as a Buddhist teacher, this book offers a unique and practical approach to cultivating these essential qualities.
The authors blend psychological research with Buddhist teachings, making the content both accessible and transformative. They provide readers with a clear understanding of the science behind mindfulness and compassion, while also offering practical exercises and meditations to integrate into daily life. The exercises are simple yet profound, allowing readers to gradually build self-compassion and empathy toward others, which can significantly reduce anxiety, depression, and self-criticism.
The combination of psychological insight and spiritual wisdom makes Mindful Compassion a resource for anyone seeking emotional balance, personal growth, or a deeper connection to their own humanity.
Mindful Compassion by Paul Gilbert and Choden is a thoughtful and enriching exploration of how mindfulness and compassion can work together to promote emotional healing and well-being. Drawing on Gilbert’s extensive background in psychology and Choden’s experience as a Buddhist teacher, this book offers a unique and practical approach to cultivating these essential qualities.
The authors blend psychological research with Buddhist teachings, making the content both accessible and transformative. They provide readers with a clear understanding of the science behind mindfulness and compassion, while also offering practical exercises and meditations to integrate into daily life. The exercises are simple yet profound, allowing readers to gradually build self-compassion and empathy toward others, which can significantly reduce anxiety, depression, and self-criticism.
The combination of psychological insight and spiritual wisdom makes Mindful Compassion a resource for anyone seeking emotional balance, personal growth, or a deeper connection to their own humanity.
September 18, 2023
Sean McGovern is a South African man who wears Tibetan Buddhist ropes. It's a case of a wolf in sheep's skin. He is not a kind or compassionate person. He doesn't always treat women well.
He is known for his many relationships and not being celibate as a monk. Volunteers have warned each other about him for years.
Choden follows the Karmapa who abused a nun in retreat and has a child as a result. Look at Samye Ling/ Rokpa Trust Website to see this Holy Guru known as Karmapa. Choden is the manager of the organisation and a devoted follower. How can someone who follows a corrupted sexual offender teach young people compassion and mindfulness? I guess Russell Brand also writes about wellness. Perhaps we should seperate the author from the book, but compassion is not just a theoretical concept.
He is known for his many relationships and not being celibate as a monk. Volunteers have warned each other about him for years.
Choden follows the Karmapa who abused a nun in retreat and has a child as a result. Look at Samye Ling/ Rokpa Trust Website to see this Holy Guru known as Karmapa. Choden is the manager of the organisation and a devoted follower. How can someone who follows a corrupted sexual offender teach young people compassion and mindfulness? I guess Russell Brand also writes about wellness. Perhaps we should seperate the author from the book, but compassion is not just a theoretical concept.
November 2, 2023
I was mainly interested in the neurophysiology ("the science" portion of the subtitle) of mindful compassion practices, and this book did not disappoint. There are plenty of self-help books on compassion and mindfulness practices out there, but I am most excited about the resources that go deeper into the why and how of it all, breaking down some of the cutting edge brain science behind our animal natures. This book additionally delved into related Buddhist philosophies, not in a dogmatic way, but from more of an anthropological, philosophical approach that added additional depth and breadth to the subject.
February 27, 2021
I mean... I don’t disagree with anything said in the book. I really like the compassionate mindfulness philosophy... but it’s just quite basic. Perhaps it’s just that I’ve read / heard very similar things before. This book felt like it hadn’t really cracked an ‘angle’ that made it stand out.
I did like the practical medications sections that laid out how one can approach the philosophy in practice. But yeah... overall just nothing special as a read.
I did like the practical medications sections that laid out how one can approach the philosophy in practice. But yeah... overall just nothing special as a read.
September 21, 2021
Rating: 5/5 as introductory book, 3.5/5 for advanced practitioners.
Very thorough dissection of mindfulness and compassion as practices of healing and transcendence. Good theoretical background and scientific sources.
Basic exercises in mindfulness to open the being to further practice and exploration.
Very thorough dissection of mindfulness and compassion as practices of healing and transcendence. Good theoretical background and scientific sources.
Basic exercises in mindfulness to open the being to further practice and exploration.
Read
November 22, 2019I was not mindful enough to listen to this book mindfully.
Ps. Considering how a significant part of the book at the end is exercises - its probably better to have the physical book or a digital version, rather than the audio.
Ps. Considering how a significant part of the book at the end is exercises - its probably better to have the physical book or a digital version, rather than the audio.
August 7, 2020
An excellent marriage of science and Buddhism, providing a useful starting point for meditation and guidance for moving towards a more compassionate mindset.
Makes you wonder why no attention is given to the understanding of our own minds and emotions in the educational system..
Makes you wonder why no attention is given to the understanding of our own minds and emotions in the educational system..
December 5, 2020
This was a great book that talks about Compassion Focused Therapy in a very easy, simple way to understand. Gilbert is a psychologist and Choden knows lots about Buddhism. They come together and really explain how to have more compassion for yourself, and others.
November 29, 2022
This book and accompanying direct teaching has changed my life. This book is a lifestyle. Any time I find myself stressed or in need of answers, I turn to this book and more so it’s teachings. An absolute must read & more importantly an absolute guide to life.
April 28, 2023
Very insightful
A book full of wisdom, and practical advice. The combination of science and ancient wisdom has provided a wonderful balance much needed for our day and age. Thank you!
A book full of wisdom, and practical advice. The combination of science and ancient wisdom has provided a wonderful balance much needed for our day and age. Thank you!
July 5, 2019
I got about 4/5th through the book in audio but a lot of it felt quite repetitive. It's not a terrible book, but I think the same ideas have been explained much quicker and better.
March 15, 2020
Brilliant. Helpful in my professional and personal life. Simple, practical advice for finding the way, or a way, toward a life worth living.
April 22, 2020
Lot's to think about, the buddhist approach to psychology not least!!
September 2, 2020
The book weaves together evolutionary psychology, Buddhist philosophy, as well as neuroscience. Tooooo much repetition though. Could be written with half of the words.
March 2, 2021
An inspiring calming read, though not as science-focused as the subtitle suggests.
January 12, 2022
Great book!
August 21, 2023
I mostly ended up using this book to nap to so to be fair, I’m not the best person to ask but the voices are pretty relaxing if you want something to wind down to 10/10 would recommend.
October 17, 2023
Good content doesn't work as an audio book
December 11, 2025
“Life flows in and life flows out. And we have the choice whether to be in accord with it or to resist. But if we resist, it comes with a price, we suffer.”
December 17, 2025
Very helpful book with some lovely exercises in it
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