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The First Time: Finding Myself and Looking for Love on Reality TV
From former football player and star of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette comes a fascinating and eye-opening behind-the-scenes look at his drama-filled season on the hit reality show.
Before Colton Underwood captured the hearts of millions on The Bachelor, he was a goofy, socially awkward, overweight adolescent who succeeded on the football field while struggling with personal insecurities off it. An All American gridiron hero, he was also a complex, sometimes confused, soft-hearted romantic wondering how these contradictions fit together. Old-fashioned and out of step with the swipe right dating culture of today, he was saving the most intimate part of life for the love of his life. If only he could find her…
Now, in The First Time, Colton opens up about how he came to find himself and true love at the same time via the Bachelor franchise. Unencumbered by cameras and commercial breaks, he delivers a surprisingly raw, endearing, and seriously juicy account of his journey through The Bachelorette, Bachelor in Paradise, and The Bachelor, along with what has happened with him and Cassie Randolph since his season wrapped. He opens up about being dumped by Becca, his secret dalliance with Tia, what it was like to be the world’s most famous virgin, his behind-the-scenes conflicts with production, and how his on-camera responsibilities as the Bachelor nearly destroyed him after he knew he had already fallen in love with Cassie.
A memoir for Bachelor Nation and anyone who believes in the magic of love, The First Time carries a simple but powerful It’s okay to laugh and cry and occasionally jump over a fence, if it means coming one step closer to the right person.
Before Colton Underwood captured the hearts of millions on The Bachelor, he was a goofy, socially awkward, overweight adolescent who succeeded on the football field while struggling with personal insecurities off it. An All American gridiron hero, he was also a complex, sometimes confused, soft-hearted romantic wondering how these contradictions fit together. Old-fashioned and out of step with the swipe right dating culture of today, he was saving the most intimate part of life for the love of his life. If only he could find her…
Now, in The First Time, Colton opens up about how he came to find himself and true love at the same time via the Bachelor franchise. Unencumbered by cameras and commercial breaks, he delivers a surprisingly raw, endearing, and seriously juicy account of his journey through The Bachelorette, Bachelor in Paradise, and The Bachelor, along with what has happened with him and Cassie Randolph since his season wrapped. He opens up about being dumped by Becca, his secret dalliance with Tia, what it was like to be the world’s most famous virgin, his behind-the-scenes conflicts with production, and how his on-camera responsibilities as the Bachelor nearly destroyed him after he knew he had already fallen in love with Cassie.
A memoir for Bachelor Nation and anyone who believes in the magic of love, The First Time carries a simple but powerful It’s okay to laugh and cry and occasionally jump over a fence, if it means coming one step closer to the right person.
304 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 31, 2020
288 people are currently reading
847 people want to read
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April 15, 2020
This is an okay memoir that will probably please Bachelor fans who already liked Colton Underwood but is unlikely to interest anyone else. I found it fairly dull, especially the first half that is basically his whitewashed biography. We get no real sense of what his family was like, though I get a sense that he was parented pretty awfully -- not in an abusive way but in a really detached way. His father seems to have been the classic macho type to make him work and work and suffer through injuries, and he doesn't seem to have developed much of any relationship at all with his mother. He grew up fairly rich with no real guidance from anyone in terms of how to have emotions or relationships, and then he used his two skills (being very athletic and knowing how to charm people) to go pretty far despite serious insecurities, social awkwardness and the emotional intelligence of a small child.
Much of the book felt like it was a checklist of ways that he got to say his side of the story and excuse or explain his behavior. It honestly felt like a checklist at times -- here's what really happened with my shoulder injury and how the Raiders (or whoever) lied about it, here's what really happened with my relationship with Aly and why I talked about her sexual abuse, here's what really happened with this and this and this.... Most of his life seems left out unless it was on the list of ways he wanted to give his version of something.
The behind the scenes Bachelor information was a little bit interesting, but there was nothing juicy or scandalous. You get a sense of how manufactured and tedious it all is. They don't even actually eat their dinner when they go out on a date because it's talk for a few minutes, both get pulled aside for long interviews, then talk for another few minutes and so on.
Colton makes it clear that he was playing the game from his days on Bachelorette, and especially so on Bachelor in Paradise. He clearly never felt anything for Tia, and he also didn't feel anything for most of the women on his season. He casually shares information like the fact that he kept Tayshia (sp?) longer because he wanted to split up Cassie and her friend Caelynn, even though he liked Caelynn better than Tayshia. He thought their friendship might keep Cassie from furthering her feelings for him. He doesn't seem to have ANY remorse about hurting any of the women, but maybe that's because he thinks it's not real for them either??? He clearly wasn't really into Becca either when he was on Bachelorette and was trying to last in order to have a shot at being the Bachelor, so maybe that's the way most of them are even when they fake it for the camera. He does seem to feel bad for Hannah G., whom everyone thought he was going to choose (himself included, occasionally), but only mildly.
He also seems to have thrown in a couple of juicy tidbits just to sell the book. He randomly shares that he binge watched gay porn in high school to make sure he wasn't gay (and that he told his father... why????), and then he brings it up like 3 more times. I have no idea why, other than maybe wanting to create buzz.
In the end, he comes across as so emotionally stunted that it's hard to imagine that his relationship with Cassie stands a chance. I kind of want her to just run. He's a nice guy in that bland, not-a-rapist, privileged white guy way, but not in a way that actually seems to mean anything. Yes, he has a charity that helps kids with CF, but that seems to be a huge ego thing for him as much as a way to really help. He seems to love his identity as a philanthropist and the feelings he gets from giving medical equipment to the kids. He clearly likes the spotlight, he likes attention, he likes being liked. He mostly just comes across as a wounded child too broken to think much outside of himself, harmless and well meaning but also self absorbed and shallow.
Fans of the Bachelor franchise will probably get enough out of it, but I can't see anybody else caring about any of it. You won't really get any new information, but it is mildly interesting reading his personal recap of what you saw on TV.
I read a digital ARC of this book for the purpose of review.
Much of the book felt like it was a checklist of ways that he got to say his side of the story and excuse or explain his behavior. It honestly felt like a checklist at times -- here's what really happened with my shoulder injury and how the Raiders (or whoever) lied about it, here's what really happened with my relationship with Aly and why I talked about her sexual abuse, here's what really happened with this and this and this.... Most of his life seems left out unless it was on the list of ways he wanted to give his version of something.
The behind the scenes Bachelor information was a little bit interesting, but there was nothing juicy or scandalous. You get a sense of how manufactured and tedious it all is. They don't even actually eat their dinner when they go out on a date because it's talk for a few minutes, both get pulled aside for long interviews, then talk for another few minutes and so on.
Colton makes it clear that he was playing the game from his days on Bachelorette, and especially so on Bachelor in Paradise. He clearly never felt anything for Tia, and he also didn't feel anything for most of the women on his season. He casually shares information like the fact that he kept Tayshia (sp?) longer because he wanted to split up Cassie and her friend Caelynn, even though he liked Caelynn better than Tayshia. He thought their friendship might keep Cassie from furthering her feelings for him. He doesn't seem to have ANY remorse about hurting any of the women, but maybe that's because he thinks it's not real for them either??? He clearly wasn't really into Becca either when he was on Bachelorette and was trying to last in order to have a shot at being the Bachelor, so maybe that's the way most of them are even when they fake it for the camera. He does seem to feel bad for Hannah G., whom everyone thought he was going to choose (himself included, occasionally), but only mildly.
He also seems to have thrown in a couple of juicy tidbits just to sell the book. He randomly shares that he binge watched gay porn in high school to make sure he wasn't gay (and that he told his father... why????), and then he brings it up like 3 more times. I have no idea why, other than maybe wanting to create buzz.
In the end, he comes across as so emotionally stunted that it's hard to imagine that his relationship with Cassie stands a chance. I kind of want her to just run. He's a nice guy in that bland, not-a-rapist, privileged white guy way, but not in a way that actually seems to mean anything. Yes, he has a charity that helps kids with CF, but that seems to be a huge ego thing for him as much as a way to really help. He seems to love his identity as a philanthropist and the feelings he gets from giving medical equipment to the kids. He clearly likes the spotlight, he likes attention, he likes being liked. He mostly just comes across as a wounded child too broken to think much outside of himself, harmless and well meaning but also self absorbed and shallow.
Fans of the Bachelor franchise will probably get enough out of it, but I can't see anybody else caring about any of it. You won't really get any new information, but it is mildly interesting reading his personal recap of what you saw on TV.
I read a digital ARC of this book for the purpose of review.
April 3, 2020
Yeah I was just in it for the gossip
April 4, 2020
I didn't finish this book with the greatest impression of Colton. Admittedly I had watched all his seasons but never really thought about him as he was just another generic contestant. He came across as entitled and manipulative. It seemed he cared more about optics than feelings. It's one thing to complain about production after one season but he went back three times and even contributed to the manipulation. The writing style was simple enough and easy to follow but nothing new or insightful was really learned.
April 19, 2021
I am gay so I was intrigued to see how newly-out Colton would portray himself in a memoir about losing his straight virginity, written while he still identified as straight and in a hetero relationship with a girl he met on the bachelor. In that respect, The First Time is a kind of anthropology on straight dating as told by a gay guy who does not yet know that he is gay.
But isn't that kind of what those of us who have been out for a while went through in middle school? A repetitive process of questioning and reaffirming our "straightness" through the eyes of the other? That's what Colton does here and throughout the first half of his book.
To Colton's credit, he speaks openly about this confusing search for "the one" leading up to his time on the bachelor. He never cares about girls as much as his football teammates, he dodges locker room talk about hooking up. His conservative family (near, if not full-blown, trumpers) doesn't seem to grill him about gay or about straight, even after his father catches him watching gay porn ("all that research made me realize I was into girls"), possibly because of his unwaveringly masculine journey toward the NFL.
Hindsight is 20/20 but there are many signs in this book - as I'm sure Colton would today recognize - indicating gay. Gay porn being one. Love for women's gymnastics. A chapter called "a lot of good lookin dudes." Fixation on his own body. Maybe I'm stereotyping and my gaydar is not flawless. But I guess what I'm getting at is that the lengths that gays will go to to not come out, to reject gayness due to the pressures of heteronormativity, are intense and extreme! Becoming the Bachelor for chrissakes. The first half of Colton's book is a checklist on queer suppression.
Anywho, this concludes anything I found interesting in the text.
The second half of the book is simply a play by play of Colton's time on the bachelor, during which we learn almost nothing interesting about Colton or the girls, except that they exude the maturity of kids at a middle school dance. Colton's inability to question that the producers of the bachelor may actually not have his or the other contestants best interests in mind is baffling if not outright stupid. And his repeated declarations that what America truly wants to see is two people find their soul mates and be in love had me questioning if he really wrote this book at all. Ghost writer, where you at?!
Colton's out now. And his coming out may be helpful to some, and that's good, but it may also have served to build buzz for a Netflix show about gay with Gus Kenworthy, and that's wholly uninteresting to me. Gays can still be misogynists (as inferred through Colton's no-longer-active restraining orders from his ex girlfriend) and they can still instill the patriarchy, and as much as I believe it helpful to have high-profile men live comfortably out, I do not think we need Colton's words leading the cause. Gay capitalist pageantry is no better than the straight variety.
But isn't that kind of what those of us who have been out for a while went through in middle school? A repetitive process of questioning and reaffirming our "straightness" through the eyes of the other? That's what Colton does here and throughout the first half of his book.
To Colton's credit, he speaks openly about this confusing search for "the one" leading up to his time on the bachelor. He never cares about girls as much as his football teammates, he dodges locker room talk about hooking up. His conservative family (near, if not full-blown, trumpers) doesn't seem to grill him about gay or about straight, even after his father catches him watching gay porn ("all that research made me realize I was into girls"), possibly because of his unwaveringly masculine journey toward the NFL.
Hindsight is 20/20 but there are many signs in this book - as I'm sure Colton would today recognize - indicating gay. Gay porn being one. Love for women's gymnastics. A chapter called "a lot of good lookin dudes." Fixation on his own body. Maybe I'm stereotyping and my gaydar is not flawless. But I guess what I'm getting at is that the lengths that gays will go to to not come out, to reject gayness due to the pressures of heteronormativity, are intense and extreme! Becoming the Bachelor for chrissakes. The first half of Colton's book is a checklist on queer suppression.
Anywho, this concludes anything I found interesting in the text.
The second half of the book is simply a play by play of Colton's time on the bachelor, during which we learn almost nothing interesting about Colton or the girls, except that they exude the maturity of kids at a middle school dance. Colton's inability to question that the producers of the bachelor may actually not have his or the other contestants best interests in mind is baffling if not outright stupid. And his repeated declarations that what America truly wants to see is two people find their soul mates and be in love had me questioning if he really wrote this book at all. Ghost writer, where you at?!
Colton's out now. And his coming out may be helpful to some, and that's good, but it may also have served to build buzz for a Netflix show about gay with Gus Kenworthy, and that's wholly uninteresting to me. Gays can still be misogynists (as inferred through Colton's no-longer-active restraining orders from his ex girlfriend) and they can still instill the patriarchy, and as much as I believe it helpful to have high-profile men live comfortably out, I do not think we need Colton's words leading the cause. Gay capitalist pageantry is no better than the straight variety.
April 10, 2020
This was everything I expected it to be - a mostly surface level story of his life and experience with reality tv. But it was a great, mindless quarantine read. It didn’t make me like him more or less. Didn’t surprise me except for a few little tidbits he shared about the show (Demi scared him, he wanted to send Kirpa home earlier, etc). But good for Colton and Cassie. Hope they stay together, or else this whole book is just awkward.
April 10, 2020
I love the behind the scenes look into the Bachelor world but damn Colton is full of himself. I was annoyed throughout this entire book.
April 11, 2020
There was much to be appreciated about this book, but the more I read, the less it was Colton Underwood.
I was pleasantly surprised to read about Colton’s high school and college years and the Bachelor content I wanted was mostly there. I genuinely enjoyed reading about his football career, his discussions about his own sexuality, and learning more about his family. I thought the book was off to a good start.
The book got away from me rather quickly once Colton was discussing the Bachelorette, the writing fell flat for me and there were many times I questioned Colton's (shallow) character. I found his use of adjectives to be particularly off-putting. It read like the editor told him it needed more detail so he rushed to add adjectives to get it published. As far as Colton’s character is reflected in the book, I felt for a 27 year old he lacks emotional maturity.
**Spoilers**
I found Colton’s honesty to be contrived, convenient, and wish-washy, I closed the book liking Colton a whole lot less. When I watched his season, I could never decide if I liked him and this book solidified for me that I do not. He was preachy about being a virgin when comparing himself to the other men on the Bachelorette and in reference to potentially being named the Bachelor. He overemphasized that this trait somehow made him more interesting, after stating that he wasn’t really a virgin for any ethical reasons – it just hadn’t happened for him, he also made it his identity and ran with it. Don’t get me wrong, this is fine, but I felt it turned patronizing. On Becca’s season, he was so over confident he would make it to Fantasy Suites, not because of his perception of their relationship, but as he explained he thought a virgin at Fantasy Suites would be a good story line.
With regards to Tia, I actually went back and watched some old highlights from his time in Paradise because he came off so shady in the book. I felt he was too wishy-washy with her because of his constant need to please everyone. When it was pretty obvious he was in Paradise for the experience and not for Tia, he needed to deal with that first thing, conversation one. Though, I will say when he arrived in Paradise the expectations of him to be with Tia were unfair, I do give him the benefit of the doubt and agree that his relationship with Tia was played up a lot more than what it presumably actually was. I don’t think he was as shady as the impression I had initially got from the book after watching these old clips, but his inability to be honest and up front with her made him seem shady. He played along with her narrative to, "See her in Paradise" when he could have been more clear about his intentions to be friends. His lack of firm decision making on this backfired when it was obvious he was looking to keep his options open, I did feel for Tia in this regard.
It wasn’t all-bad though, he opened up about some heavy topics, such as sexual abuse, and showed he was someone deeply concerned and supportive of those he was in a relationship with. UNTIL…until, near the end of the book he went on a tangent of all the heavy topics he was seemingly forced to discuss during his time as the Bachelor. I won’t repeat it in my summary because I felt it was disrespectful and tactless in the book, but he goes on to actually list the personal issues that these women brought forward to share with him along with their names to emphasize how tired he was of these conversations. I believe the point of being emotionally exhausted could have been made without actually listing these individuals again. I don’t think when they shared this information with him they intended to see it in a book in a long list of others who confided in him to ultimately exhaust him.
Overall, I gave the book 2 stars, mostly for behind the scenes content and being as many others have posted, quick and fun.
I give Colton 1 star for owning his time on reality TV, but I walked away feeling that he was a lot more shallow than what I remembered of him from the seasons he was on. I found Colton to be overly emotional, explosive, and whiney when unwarranted, he used honesty like, “ I was so tired”, to justify his behaviour. This gave the fence jump a whole new meaning for me. I felt his use of honesty, like saying he knows he is a contradiction, became a cop out by the end of the book.
The best: the beginning of the book – his openness about football, his relationship with Aly, and some of the behind the scenes Bachelor moments.
The worst: Colton himself. Below, is a quote from the book that I feel sums up how tone-deaf Colton was throughout. In discussion of why he felt he might get picked for the Bachelor he wrote:
“Obsessed, I thought my lack of experience might prove to be an advantage over the other guys. Even if their background checks were spotless, which they were, I was still the safest bet among us in the era of the #MeToo sensitivities.”
Final thoughts: If you are looking for great Bachelor content, Amy Kaufman’s book, “Bachelor Nation” is fun, smart, and has a lot less Colton in it. Did anyone else think he was just writing this as a plea to Cassie?
I was pleasantly surprised to read about Colton’s high school and college years and the Bachelor content I wanted was mostly there. I genuinely enjoyed reading about his football career, his discussions about his own sexuality, and learning more about his family. I thought the book was off to a good start.
The book got away from me rather quickly once Colton was discussing the Bachelorette, the writing fell flat for me and there were many times I questioned Colton's (shallow) character. I found his use of adjectives to be particularly off-putting. It read like the editor told him it needed more detail so he rushed to add adjectives to get it published. As far as Colton’s character is reflected in the book, I felt for a 27 year old he lacks emotional maturity.
**Spoilers**
I found Colton’s honesty to be contrived, convenient, and wish-washy, I closed the book liking Colton a whole lot less. When I watched his season, I could never decide if I liked him and this book solidified for me that I do not. He was preachy about being a virgin when comparing himself to the other men on the Bachelorette and in reference to potentially being named the Bachelor. He overemphasized that this trait somehow made him more interesting, after stating that he wasn’t really a virgin for any ethical reasons – it just hadn’t happened for him, he also made it his identity and ran with it. Don’t get me wrong, this is fine, but I felt it turned patronizing. On Becca’s season, he was so over confident he would make it to Fantasy Suites, not because of his perception of their relationship, but as he explained he thought a virgin at Fantasy Suites would be a good story line.
With regards to Tia, I actually went back and watched some old highlights from his time in Paradise because he came off so shady in the book. I felt he was too wishy-washy with her because of his constant need to please everyone. When it was pretty obvious he was in Paradise for the experience and not for Tia, he needed to deal with that first thing, conversation one. Though, I will say when he arrived in Paradise the expectations of him to be with Tia were unfair, I do give him the benefit of the doubt and agree that his relationship with Tia was played up a lot more than what it presumably actually was. I don’t think he was as shady as the impression I had initially got from the book after watching these old clips, but his inability to be honest and up front with her made him seem shady. He played along with her narrative to, "See her in Paradise" when he could have been more clear about his intentions to be friends. His lack of firm decision making on this backfired when it was obvious he was looking to keep his options open, I did feel for Tia in this regard.
It wasn’t all-bad though, he opened up about some heavy topics, such as sexual abuse, and showed he was someone deeply concerned and supportive of those he was in a relationship with. UNTIL…until, near the end of the book he went on a tangent of all the heavy topics he was seemingly forced to discuss during his time as the Bachelor. I won’t repeat it in my summary because I felt it was disrespectful and tactless in the book, but he goes on to actually list the personal issues that these women brought forward to share with him along with their names to emphasize how tired he was of these conversations. I believe the point of being emotionally exhausted could have been made without actually listing these individuals again. I don’t think when they shared this information with him they intended to see it in a book in a long list of others who confided in him to ultimately exhaust him.
Overall, I gave the book 2 stars, mostly for behind the scenes content and being as many others have posted, quick and fun.
I give Colton 1 star for owning his time on reality TV, but I walked away feeling that he was a lot more shallow than what I remembered of him from the seasons he was on. I found Colton to be overly emotional, explosive, and whiney when unwarranted, he used honesty like, “ I was so tired”, to justify his behaviour. This gave the fence jump a whole new meaning for me. I felt his use of honesty, like saying he knows he is a contradiction, became a cop out by the end of the book.
The best: the beginning of the book – his openness about football, his relationship with Aly, and some of the behind the scenes Bachelor moments.
The worst: Colton himself. Below, is a quote from the book that I feel sums up how tone-deaf Colton was throughout. In discussion of why he felt he might get picked for the Bachelor he wrote:
“Obsessed, I thought my lack of experience might prove to be an advantage over the other guys. Even if their background checks were spotless, which they were, I was still the safest bet among us in the era of the #MeToo sensitivities.”
Final thoughts: If you are looking for great Bachelor content, Amy Kaufman’s book, “Bachelor Nation” is fun, smart, and has a lot less Colton in it. Did anyone else think he was just writing this as a plea to Cassie?
April 1, 2020
I’ve had a crush on Colton since I saw him on the pages of PEOPLE with Aly Raisman! I’ve followed him and loved him as the bachelor because he seemed real and open.
This book was a true look into his relationships and mind set. I liked learning more about him.
As a Philly girl I also like the Eagles were classy!
I hope that men who read this book become open to their mental health and challenges and women who read this book remember that they deserve a man who will give it all up and jump the fence for them!
Colton, thank you for being real. Thank you for being open. And good luck to you and Cassie as you continue to write your love story.
Like a good episode of the Bachelor In Paradise this was the PERFECT escape !
This book was a true look into his relationships and mind set. I liked learning more about him.
As a Philly girl I also like the Eagles were classy!
I hope that men who read this book become open to their mental health and challenges and women who read this book remember that they deserve a man who will give it all up and jump the fence for them!
Colton, thank you for being real. Thank you for being open. And good luck to you and Cassie as you continue to write your love story.
Like a good episode of the Bachelor In Paradise this was the PERFECT escape !
Read
May 1, 2020A little embarrassed that I listened to this terrible memoir.
April 19, 2020
Interesting behind the scenes look at Colton's season of The Bachelor and some parts of his life, but he doesn't share anything really earth-shattering about the franchise.
June 25, 2020
More inside information about The Bachelor. I am a fan of love... and enjoy this show so when someone on the inside writes a book I need to read it . Colton is to be remembered because he changed the rules and followed his heart.
April 7, 2020
The First Time by Colton Underwood is amazing! Colton tells a very real and honest story about his life. I was shocked at how much I enjoyed this book, I didn't realize how open Colton would be about what he has gone through. The short stories are good topics from his life they range from sad,funny,interesting.
If you are a fan of the Bachelor Franchise I would highly recommend this book it gives you details you might not know about the show as well as Colton's journey on both Becca's and his own Bachelor season.
If you are a fan of the Bachelor Franchise I would highly recommend this book it gives you details you might not know about the show as well as Colton's journey on both Becca's and his own Bachelor season.
March 28, 2020
After seeing Colton Underwood jump the fence on his season of The Bachelor, the world took notice and wanted someone who would “jump a fence for them!” I think we all wanted insight into his past, present, and more importantly, his FUTURE!
I really enjoyed reading about his childhood growing up in Washington, IL, a small community only 20 minutes from my hometown. He played for the Washington Panthers who played the Morton Potters and was featured in the Peoria newspaper. It was great reading about the area I was born and raised. He also signed to play at Illinois State University, my Alma Matter.
He spent his teenage years and 20’s focusing on football and being the best athlete he could be, leaving little room for dating and relationships. His virginity wasn’t something he set out to keep intact; it happened by accident. He admits that he was trying to figure himself out during this time period and spent most of his time at home watching Friends to avoid awkward dating and uncomfortable situations. Without distractions, he was able to perfect his skill and make it onto the practice team of 3 NFL teams.
He played for three years before a massive shoulder injury requiring surgery. This football ending injury would change his life forever. He was feeling lost in his life and wondering around Denver when he stumbled across a casting call for The Bachelorette. He ha never thought about it before and was about to walk away when a produce snagged him and took him upstairs cutting the line and encouraged him to apply. Colton admits, this was the kick in the pants he needed. Colton was at a point in his life where he was ready for a relationship and wasn’t having any luck on his own. He ex-girlfriend Ally had just ended things and he was open to the possibility of love and his competitive side took over and he really wanted it. He admits he did some “research” and reached out to Arie’s top 3 to try to get an edge on the situation. That’s how he connected with Tia and built a pseudo-relationship and hoped she’d become the Bachelorette, but was going to go no matter who ended up getting the role.
He was open about how he cared for Becca but also saw it as a competition and made some great friends along the way. He was worried about his secrets going in and could see the writing on the wall towards the end. He admits he wasn’t ready for BIP but saw it as a necessary means if he wanted to be the bachelor, and he DID want to be the next Bachelor.
Colton was really open about the choices he made on his season and which ones he wasn’t able to make. He confessed about the producers having a conversation with him and he ended up changing who he gave his “first impression rose” to. He had no control over when he got to on one-on-one dates and with whom. He also talked about the feud between Caelynn and Hannah B., and the rumors that Caelynn and Cassie were talking about one of them being the next Bachelorette. Colton shared secrets about times he wasn’t wearing a mic and times he asked to see Cass. He also shared more about what we didn’t see.
I loved how open he was. At times I felt he was came across as wanting to win “the competition” rather than being sincere, but that’s how he got to where he is now. The book is written in an easy conversational style. I left like I was a producer on the side witnessing these events as they happen.
I really enjoyed reading about his childhood growing up in Washington, IL, a small community only 20 minutes from my hometown. He played for the Washington Panthers who played the Morton Potters and was featured in the Peoria newspaper. It was great reading about the area I was born and raised. He also signed to play at Illinois State University, my Alma Matter.
He spent his teenage years and 20’s focusing on football and being the best athlete he could be, leaving little room for dating and relationships. His virginity wasn’t something he set out to keep intact; it happened by accident. He admits that he was trying to figure himself out during this time period and spent most of his time at home watching Friends to avoid awkward dating and uncomfortable situations. Without distractions, he was able to perfect his skill and make it onto the practice team of 3 NFL teams.
He played for three years before a massive shoulder injury requiring surgery. This football ending injury would change his life forever. He was feeling lost in his life and wondering around Denver when he stumbled across a casting call for The Bachelorette. He ha never thought about it before and was about to walk away when a produce snagged him and took him upstairs cutting the line and encouraged him to apply. Colton admits, this was the kick in the pants he needed. Colton was at a point in his life where he was ready for a relationship and wasn’t having any luck on his own. He ex-girlfriend Ally had just ended things and he was open to the possibility of love and his competitive side took over and he really wanted it. He admits he did some “research” and reached out to Arie’s top 3 to try to get an edge on the situation. That’s how he connected with Tia and built a pseudo-relationship and hoped she’d become the Bachelorette, but was going to go no matter who ended up getting the role.
He was open about how he cared for Becca but also saw it as a competition and made some great friends along the way. He was worried about his secrets going in and could see the writing on the wall towards the end. He admits he wasn’t ready for BIP but saw it as a necessary means if he wanted to be the bachelor, and he DID want to be the next Bachelor.
Colton was really open about the choices he made on his season and which ones he wasn’t able to make. He confessed about the producers having a conversation with him and he ended up changing who he gave his “first impression rose” to. He had no control over when he got to on one-on-one dates and with whom. He also talked about the feud between Caelynn and Hannah B., and the rumors that Caelynn and Cassie were talking about one of them being the next Bachelorette. Colton shared secrets about times he wasn’t wearing a mic and times he asked to see Cass. He also shared more about what we didn’t see.
I loved how open he was. At times I felt he was came across as wanting to win “the competition” rather than being sincere, but that’s how he got to where he is now. The book is written in an easy conversational style. I left like I was a producer on the side witnessing these events as they happen.
May 12, 2020
Came for the Bachelor gossip, left feeling pretty scummy about Colton.
I'm surprised that Colton comes off as arrogant as he does here, given that this is his own book. There are a lot of small moments I could point to that made me lose respect for him (the brush-off of the #MeToo movement is one that jumps to mind). But where I really lost him was in his discussions of Cassie during The Bachelor filming. It felt like he was blaming her for everything that went down in the season with their relationship, when it seemed like a lot of her insecurities etc came from her past relationships and the process of being on The Bachelor itself...
Anyway, it's a quick, light read if you're into The Bachelor and want to learn slightly more than we already know about Colton and the franchise. But it's by no means groundbreaking.
Thanks Gallery Books and Netgalley for the free review copy in exchange for an honest review.
I'm surprised that Colton comes off as arrogant as he does here, given that this is his own book. There are a lot of small moments I could point to that made me lose respect for him (the brush-off of the #MeToo movement is one that jumps to mind). But where I really lost him was in his discussions of Cassie during The Bachelor filming. It felt like he was blaming her for everything that went down in the season with their relationship, when it seemed like a lot of her insecurities etc came from her past relationships and the process of being on The Bachelor itself...
Anyway, it's a quick, light read if you're into The Bachelor and want to learn slightly more than we already know about Colton and the franchise. But it's by no means groundbreaking.
Thanks Gallery Books and Netgalley for the free review copy in exchange for an honest review.
May 3, 2020
Apparently this is a good book to read when you can’t sleep 🤷🏻♀️
August 9, 2020
Come for the Bachelor franchise tea, stay for the memoir. 🌹✨
•
Full disclosure, I work in entertainment, and I totally read this for the behind-the-scenes details on one of the most-watched reality tv shows in America.
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Colton’s book is part memoir, part series recap, and it’s all interesting stuff. I did read this after he and Cassie broke up, which made some of the more gushy parts a bit awkward. Outside of that, reading the BTS perspective on some memorable Bachelor moments definitely added a new context to what we saw on tv. Colton is very thorough in detailing his season, and does a great job of bringing the reader up to speed on how production works. His honesty throughout the book (both about the grueling production days and his life before the Bachelor) is refreshing. This is a great beach read for any Bachelor franchise fans who want to learn more about Colton and the filming process. 🌹✨
•
Follow me on Instagram & Twitter @whatalexreads for book reviews, recommendations, and more!
•
Full disclosure, I work in entertainment, and I totally read this for the behind-the-scenes details on one of the most-watched reality tv shows in America.
•
Colton’s book is part memoir, part series recap, and it’s all interesting stuff. I did read this after he and Cassie broke up, which made some of the more gushy parts a bit awkward. Outside of that, reading the BTS perspective on some memorable Bachelor moments definitely added a new context to what we saw on tv. Colton is very thorough in detailing his season, and does a great job of bringing the reader up to speed on how production works. His honesty throughout the book (both about the grueling production days and his life before the Bachelor) is refreshing. This is a great beach read for any Bachelor franchise fans who want to learn more about Colton and the filming process. 🌹✨
•
Follow me on Instagram & Twitter @whatalexreads for book reviews, recommendations, and more!
April 3, 2020
Where do I even begin? This is arguably one of the best books put out by someone in the Bachelor World. Colton Underwood owned his story, was brutally honest with his childhood moments of questioning, his parents divorce, football woes, being a homebody, and the entire Bachelor experience. I loved getting to read the love story of Colton and Cassie that I don’t feel like the shows fairly portrayed. Also, this book gets major bonus points for spilling the tea on some Bachelor secrets!
April 15, 2020
This book was an absolutely dumpster fire full of stereotypes, and yeah, I loved every minute.
May 14, 2020
I mean, yeah, I got what I came for. Behind-the-scenes Bachelor details :)
April 17, 2020
After reading so many fiction, non-fiction, self-help and even YA fiction books, I finally have to admit that autobiography is my guilty pleasure. I fly through books like this, and being a die-hard Bachelor/Bachelorette fan made Colton's book an A+. I didn't even mind when he talked about football.
June 26, 2020
Well, kind of weird reading this now after they broke up.. BUT still interesting, especially The Bachelor parts.
April 10, 2020
I think the book showed a side of Colton we didn’t see, but I didn’t think the writing was very good. Glad he ended up with someone he really loved from the show!
July 11, 2020
Audiobook.
This was like listening to a long boring recap of the seasons Colton was in after it was all said and done. There was really nothing new in this and Colton or whoever wrote this for him has a pretty flat writing talent. I was just annoyed most of the time listening to this. Barely worth my time at all.
If you watched the seasons, you don’t need to listen to this except maybe to learn a tad bit of his backstory and then turn it off. If you didn’t watch the seasons then don’t bother with this book because it’ll have absolutely no significance to it at all.
And honestly, like in other reviews I read, it doesn’t make you think all that great about Colton. It actually kind of made me feel disgusted by him. He comes off as obsessive, manipulative and selfish. Nothing seems genuine. It all just sounded very childish.
This was like listening to a long boring recap of the seasons Colton was in after it was all said and done. There was really nothing new in this and Colton or whoever wrote this for him has a pretty flat writing talent. I was just annoyed most of the time listening to this. Barely worth my time at all.
If you watched the seasons, you don’t need to listen to this except maybe to learn a tad bit of his backstory and then turn it off. If you didn’t watch the seasons then don’t bother with this book because it’ll have absolutely no significance to it at all.
And honestly, like in other reviews I read, it doesn’t make you think all that great about Colton. It actually kind of made me feel disgusted by him. He comes off as obsessive, manipulative and selfish. Nothing seems genuine. It all just sounded very childish.
April 12, 2020
I loved it! Make a big bunch of popcorn and read away. In all honesty the book would be a 4 star but I can’t in good conscience give a rom com 4 stars. I loved the behind the scenes look at bachelor nation and the juicy it it’s that are not shown in the show. It’s a good read for an super fan in quarantine.
May 9, 2020
Yes I read this (well, I listened to the audiobook version). And yes yes YES I enjoyed it.
September 23, 2020
I mean it’s Colton. It’s not some literary masterpiece. But an easy read.
April 4, 2020
Book 29 of 2020
I am a die-hard Bachelor fan. When I first found the show, I was instantly hooked and have been an avid watcher of ALL things Bachelor Nation -- Bachelor, Bachelorette, Bachelor Pad and Bachelor in Paradise. Of course I watched the Becca-Colton-Tia love triangle and then Colton's fence jump. I mean, hello, can you really be a part of Bachelor Nation if you haven't? So of course I was excited to pick up this book and see behind the curtain of his season, as I have with almost all the other Bachelor National contestant books that have been published.
BUT.... I am not sure how I feel about this. I feel torn.
When Colton's season was over, my thoughts were:
1. I have how him being a virgin is so overplayed
2. I hate that he gets embarrassed about being a virgin instead of being proud/owning his choices
3. At least he had the gumption to jump the fence, leave the show and go after what he wants
4. When are they going to get engaged already?
So when I got back into the book and read Colton's behind-the-scenes viewpoint, I feel as though I saw behind the curtain and was disappointing. His truth about some of the Bachelor production choices were saddening to hear about:
1. Apparently there is a lot of screen time that the lead can have with contestants that the audience doesn't get to see
2. Apparently contestants can ask for private off camera time with the lead, and it's granted
3. Apparently the lead doesn't REALLY get to choose who they want to go on their dates with
Then, I got more insight into Colton's decision making process, and that's dissapointing as well:
1. He made decisions like the first impression rose, hometowns, etc because of the options of a television show instead of how he actually felt
2. He knowingly led women on and lied to their families
3. He only loved Cassie and thought about her since Episode 5 when they non-mic time
4. He made the decision to spend an overnight with Tayshia even though HE KNEW that he wanted to leave the show with Cassie and it wouldn't work out with Tayshia
Should I have known all of these things before hand? Sure. It's a "reality show" that is producer driven. I am not totally naive. But listening to the audiobook, which Colton himself narrates, and having him talk about all of these decisions he made.... just makes it seem to much worse.
The theme of his book was about asking the question "how do you know." He says that he does know about how he feels with Cassie, but they continue to date without being engaged and he clearly says that he isn't sure what their future holds, which is surprising to me. When I found the one in my life, we both knew. Right away. Then we made the decision to take the leap. So I don't understand on a personal level how after all this time, it's still up in the air.
But, he was honest which is the point of a good memoir, and appreciate that candor. But the only reason to read this book is if you want the behind the scenes scoop on the Bachelor Nation shows he was on because he provides little to nothing else in the book.
Rating -- three stars
Format -- audiobook (he narrated a little flat, and maybe that lack of emotion made it even more difficult to read about some of the choices he made)
I am a die-hard Bachelor fan. When I first found the show, I was instantly hooked and have been an avid watcher of ALL things Bachelor Nation -- Bachelor, Bachelorette, Bachelor Pad and Bachelor in Paradise. Of course I watched the Becca-Colton-Tia love triangle and then Colton's fence jump. I mean, hello, can you really be a part of Bachelor Nation if you haven't? So of course I was excited to pick up this book and see behind the curtain of his season, as I have with almost all the other Bachelor National contestant books that have been published.
BUT.... I am not sure how I feel about this. I feel torn.
When Colton's season was over, my thoughts were:
1. I have how him being a virgin is so overplayed
2. I hate that he gets embarrassed about being a virgin instead of being proud/owning his choices
3. At least he had the gumption to jump the fence, leave the show and go after what he wants
4. When are they going to get engaged already?
So when I got back into the book and read Colton's behind-the-scenes viewpoint, I feel as though I saw behind the curtain and was disappointing. His truth about some of the Bachelor production choices were saddening to hear about:
1. Apparently there is a lot of screen time that the lead can have with contestants that the audience doesn't get to see
2. Apparently contestants can ask for private off camera time with the lead, and it's granted
3. Apparently the lead doesn't REALLY get to choose who they want to go on their dates with
Then, I got more insight into Colton's decision making process, and that's dissapointing as well:
1. He made decisions like the first impression rose, hometowns, etc because of the options of a television show instead of how he actually felt
2. He knowingly led women on and lied to their families
3. He only loved Cassie and thought about her since Episode 5 when they non-mic time
4. He made the decision to spend an overnight with Tayshia even though HE KNEW that he wanted to leave the show with Cassie and it wouldn't work out with Tayshia
Should I have known all of these things before hand? Sure. It's a "reality show" that is producer driven. I am not totally naive. But listening to the audiobook, which Colton himself narrates, and having him talk about all of these decisions he made.... just makes it seem to much worse.
The theme of his book was about asking the question "how do you know." He says that he does know about how he feels with Cassie, but they continue to date without being engaged and he clearly says that he isn't sure what their future holds, which is surprising to me. When I found the one in my life, we both knew. Right away. Then we made the decision to take the leap. So I don't understand on a personal level how after all this time, it's still up in the air.
But, he was honest which is the point of a good memoir, and appreciate that candor. But the only reason to read this book is if you want the behind the scenes scoop on the Bachelor Nation shows he was on because he provides little to nothing else in the book.
Rating -- three stars
Format -- audiobook (he narrated a little flat, and maybe that lack of emotion made it even more difficult to read about some of the choices he made)
August 6, 2020
Oh yeah. Of course I read this.
Yet another installment in the Bache-literate series of books produced by past Bachelor Nation members I've genuinely enjoyed. But opposed to Andi Dorfman's coy numbers system of referring to the contestants on her season, Colton Underwood is not afraid to lay it all on the line, naming and shaming with everyone's actual full name attached. Except, there's not really a lot of shaming being done: this All-American classic "good boy" speaks glowingly of not only his Bach Nation cast mates and past relationships, but also of the crew and production of the show itself (Which, in a crowd of past cast members who decry mistreatment, is absolutely a new take).
The story kicks off with an oversimplified look at his happy childhood, followed by a full and detailed perspective on his career on multiple practice teams for the NFL. I can understand the attention to detail: throughout his appearances on the various Bach programs, there were plenty of criticisms leveled his way about how the show sought to amplify the importance of his meager professional football experience, so why wouldn't he want to clear the air about what exactly that career entailed? (The impression was definitely felt by me: I came in not even really knowing about what a "practice team" was... now I am more horrified than ever about the violence of the NFL machine, and its tendency to chew up young, well-intentioned athletes and spit them out with impunity.)
But when it gets into the Bachelor, boy, does it get good.
In terms of detailing behind-the-scenes scheduling and producer influence, it doesn't feel like too much of a "gotcha," as it's still a lot of what we see in other Bachelor-written books. What is new, is Colton's willingness to discuss his own feelings in response to everything he encounters (like, in one of the more memorable moments of the book, an interview with Entertainment Weekly's Kristen Baldwin). Another major moment you wouldn't see on TV, was Colton contextualizing his relationship with Caelynn Miller-Keyes - and her story of sexual assault - in relation to his past with notable Olympian gymnast Aly Raisman, and what it meant for him to support both of them in those moments of vulnerable honesty.
While I wasn't as impressed by his relationships with Becca Kufrin and Tia Booth, it was Cassie Randolph who I began to look at in a new light. Not only did Colton explain the ways and means by which he fell in love on TV, but he did so in a way that felt generous to his castmates and love interests, and genuine to himself.
Yet another installment in the Bache-literate series of books produced by past Bachelor Nation members I've genuinely enjoyed. But opposed to Andi Dorfman's coy numbers system of referring to the contestants on her season, Colton Underwood is not afraid to lay it all on the line, naming and shaming with everyone's actual full name attached. Except, there's not really a lot of shaming being done: this All-American classic "good boy" speaks glowingly of not only his Bach Nation cast mates and past relationships, but also of the crew and production of the show itself (Which, in a crowd of past cast members who decry mistreatment, is absolutely a new take).
The story kicks off with an oversimplified look at his happy childhood, followed by a full and detailed perspective on his career on multiple practice teams for the NFL. I can understand the attention to detail: throughout his appearances on the various Bach programs, there were plenty of criticisms leveled his way about how the show sought to amplify the importance of his meager professional football experience, so why wouldn't he want to clear the air about what exactly that career entailed? (The impression was definitely felt by me: I came in not even really knowing about what a "practice team" was... now I am more horrified than ever about the violence of the NFL machine, and its tendency to chew up young, well-intentioned athletes and spit them out with impunity.)
But when it gets into the Bachelor, boy, does it get good.
In terms of detailing behind-the-scenes scheduling and producer influence, it doesn't feel like too much of a "gotcha," as it's still a lot of what we see in other Bachelor-written books. What is new, is Colton's willingness to discuss his own feelings in response to everything he encounters (like, in one of the more memorable moments of the book, an interview with Entertainment Weekly's Kristen Baldwin). Another major moment you wouldn't see on TV, was Colton contextualizing his relationship with Caelynn Miller-Keyes - and her story of sexual assault - in relation to his past with notable Olympian gymnast Aly Raisman, and what it meant for him to support both of them in those moments of vulnerable honesty.
While I wasn't as impressed by his relationships with Becca Kufrin and Tia Booth, it was Cassie Randolph who I began to look at in a new light. Not only did Colton explain the ways and means by which he fell in love on TV, but he did so in a way that felt generous to his castmates and love interests, and genuine to himself.
May 12, 2025
Reading this book in 2025 was weird. After his season of The Bachelor (and after this book was written), Colton's relationship ended with his girlfriend from the show, Cassie Randolph. After their breakup, it came to light that Colton had stalked Cassie and sent her threatening messages. Colton is now Bachelor Nation's #1 pariah, to the point that fans of the show often refer to his season as "Cassie's season" because they don't even want to type his name. Oh, and after THAT, he came out as gay.
I have a lot of complicated feelings about Colton as a person. Obviously his actions toward Cassie were abusive and terrifying. They were also obviously fueled by his terror at losing what he perceived to be his "last chance" to have a heterosexual marriage, forcing him to confront himself and come out. (He talked about this in a Netflix miniseries he was given for some reason.) This isn't justification in any way, but I can see the tragic logic. Many people want anyone who has ever been abusive to be permanently ousted by society, but of course that isn't realistic. Cassie has since seemingly forgiven Colton to some degree and both of them have been invited back to and attended Bachelor Nation events, though not at the same time as far as I know. Colton is now married to a man and they have a baby together, who he is a stay at home dad to. Ultimately, he seems happy with himself and like he is no longer, to anyone's knowledge, doing anything abusive and toxic to anyone. He seems happy and so does Cassie, and that's the best case scenario for everyone, in my opinion.
Reading this through the lens of someone who knows all of that current information was VERY odd. Colton brings up questioning his sexuality multiple times throughout and doesn't really shed any more light than he previously had about why he remained a virgin at the point he was on the show. (He does elaborate that his only serious girlfriend was an SA survivor, but they were together for six whole months and sex just didn't come up I guess?) He talks about his feelings toward the women he dated on The Bachelor and it's clear that things are just... off. The way his family was described throughout made it more obvious to me why he was afraid to come out to them. I've also always thought Colton had a bit of a bitchy streak, and this book certainly backed up that idea.
Overall it wasn't the most gripping read on its own, though reading it with hindsight did make it a bit more interesting.
I have a lot of complicated feelings about Colton as a person. Obviously his actions toward Cassie were abusive and terrifying. They were also obviously fueled by his terror at losing what he perceived to be his "last chance" to have a heterosexual marriage, forcing him to confront himself and come out. (He talked about this in a Netflix miniseries he was given for some reason.) This isn't justification in any way, but I can see the tragic logic. Many people want anyone who has ever been abusive to be permanently ousted by society, but of course that isn't realistic. Cassie has since seemingly forgiven Colton to some degree and both of them have been invited back to and attended Bachelor Nation events, though not at the same time as far as I know. Colton is now married to a man and they have a baby together, who he is a stay at home dad to. Ultimately, he seems happy with himself and like he is no longer, to anyone's knowledge, doing anything abusive and toxic to anyone. He seems happy and so does Cassie, and that's the best case scenario for everyone, in my opinion.
Reading this through the lens of someone who knows all of that current information was VERY odd. Colton brings up questioning his sexuality multiple times throughout and doesn't really shed any more light than he previously had about why he remained a virgin at the point he was on the show. (He does elaborate that his only serious girlfriend was an SA survivor, but they were together for six whole months and sex just didn't come up I guess?) He talks about his feelings toward the women he dated on The Bachelor and it's clear that things are just... off. The way his family was described throughout made it more obvious to me why he was afraid to come out to them. I've also always thought Colton had a bit of a bitchy streak, and this book certainly backed up that idea.
Overall it wasn't the most gripping read on its own, though reading it with hindsight did make it a bit more interesting.
September 30, 2020
The audiobook was an easy listen and entertaining enough, but I already knew most of the information. Colton didn't reveal anything scandalous or new about his season or The Bachelor franchise. I was kind of surprised how detached he was to almost everyone on his season, and his line about Kirpa just being lucky to still be there really turned me off towards him. He seemed to really be playing the game the whole time to make it an entertaining season.
Also, the title of the book is just a publicity grab as he doesn't share anything about his first time with Cassie. I wasn't looking for details, but after hearing about his virginity and sexual struggles for most of the book, I would have at least liked to know his emotional thought process after all that.
I also felt a bit weird reading this in a moment that they are truly broken up and are in the middle of a battle with a restraining order. But that outcome doesn't surprise me, especially hearing in his own words his ideas on love. It felt very possessive and raised some red flags, in my opinion.
Also, the title of the book is just a publicity grab as he doesn't share anything about his first time with Cassie. I wasn't looking for details, but after hearing about his virginity and sexual struggles for most of the book, I would have at least liked to know his emotional thought process after all that.
I also felt a bit weird reading this in a moment that they are truly broken up and are in the middle of a battle with a restraining order. But that outcome doesn't surprise me, especially hearing in his own words his ideas on love. It felt very possessive and raised some red flags, in my opinion.
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