Why Is My Teenager Feeling Like This?: A Guide for Helping Teens through Anxiety and Depression

by David P. Murray

Many parents of teenagers know the feeling: instead of the confident, happy, hopeful young adult they hoped to raise, they see an anxious, depressed, scared teen. What can they do to help? Adults play a vital role in guiding teenagers through anxiety and depression, and this book by pastor and counselor David Murray gives spiritual encouragement and practical direction for parents and other adults who want to help but don't know what to do. A companion volume to Murray's Why Am I Feeling Like This?, written for teenagers.

Genres: Parenting, Counselling, Family, Christian Living, Mental Health, Christian

160 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2020

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.

David P. Murray is Professor of Old Testament and Practical Theology at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary. He was born in Glasgow, Scotland, and worked for five years in financial services before being converted to Christ. He studied for the ministry at Glasgow University and the Free Church of Scotland College (Edinburgh). He was a pastor for 12 years, first at Lochcarron Free Church of Scotland and then at Stornoway Free Church of Scotland (Continuing). From 2002 to 2007, he was Lecturer in Hebrew and Old Testament at the Free Church Seminary in Inverness. He has a Doctor of Ministry degree from Reformation International Theological Seminary for his work relating Old Testament Introduction studies to the pastoral ministry. He and his wife, Shona, have four children: Allan, Angus, Joni, and Amy. He also blogs at Head Heart Hand.

Reviews

[Dr. David Steele · Rating 4 out of 5]

David Murray’s newest book, Why is My Teenager Feeling Like This? A Guide for Helping Teens Through Anxiety & Depression could not have come at a better time. The COVID-19 pandemic has unleashed a corresponding mental health crisis, especially among young people. Many of the struggles existed prior to the pandemic but simply lay dormant. COVID-19 merely surfaced the mental and spiritual battles that exist in teenagers.

Anyone familiar with David Murray knows that he is a thoughtful and caring writer. What is more, his books are always saturated with biblical wisdom and encouragement. This book is no exception.

The introduction of Murray’s work helps readers understand the root causes of anxiety and depression. He provides an assurance upfront that there is help for anyone who struggles with a wide range of ailments.

The book addresses a myriad of mental health issues that utilize a case study approach. After describing an example of a person who is struggling with anxiety, depression, loneliness, workaholism, negativity, rebellion, etc. the author provides a brief prescription for offering help. Each chapter concludes with a section that offers real-life application. Generally, there is a verse to memorize, some practical questions, and a prayer.

In addition, David Murray has written a second book specifically designed for teens. I recommend these fantastic resources for both parents and teens and trust that God will use them to encourage young people during these troubling times.

[Michael Brooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredibly practical tool that is rich in theology and yet incredibly holistic in solutions. The author calls for the avoidance of oversimplification on issues of anxiety and depression which only harms those struggling. He offers numerous holistic solutions. The author does a great job of wisely offering different solutions for students' challenges and encouraging a multipronged strategy. One helpful piece of advice was that he encouraged parents to enlist other "team members" to help teens struggling with this including counselors or therapists.

I was really encouraged by the balance that someone with such strong and rich theology, rooted in a conservative tradition, used on issues like medications and the causes of anxiety/depression. Usually, this topic is handled with extremes by all sides and this author was faithful to call us back to God and His good gifts, again and again, to help our teens (and anyone struggling with anxiety/depression) to pursue peace in Christ.

HIGHLY RECCOMMEND this and the companion one for teens!!

[Jeanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A biblical resource to help your teenager thru anxiety and depression. Each chapter gives a teen battling with some type of depression and what has brought that depression to be. It not only gives theory to depression but practice to learn new habits and problem solving skills. How does your teen think about their problems and how do they take steps to overcome them.

There is a second book that the teen works thru and this book is for the parent to help guide and understand depression on how it affects our soul, body, and relationships. There is a science to depression as well that is not denied but embraced along with the spiritual. A root that needs to be carefully weeded to avoid any damage to the fruit. Depression gives us a false identity as we battle guilt, shame, that leads to destruction. The value of overcoming depression is a fight for your true identity in Christ.

A special thank you to Crossway Publishing and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review

[Alistair Chalmers · Rating 5 out of 5]

An estimated six million American teens presently have some kind of anxiety disorder. In 2011, 11 percent of teen girls had a major depressive episode int he past year. Let that sink in. But do not think that this problem is confined to the USA. Anxiety and depression amongst teens is on the rise. Parents and pastors need to be equipped to walk with teenagers and help them in any and every way we can. To that end, I’d like to tell you about a super helpful book that can help!

‘Why Is My Teenager Feeling Like This?‘ is a really helpful book written for parents and pastors. You can read the book by yourself, but the recommended way is to read the book together with a teenager as they read ‘Why Am I Feeling Like This?: A Teen’s Guide to Freedom from Anxiety and Depression‘

This book has helpful information about teenage depression and anxiety, practical tips on things you can do to help and helpful questions you can ask to start a conversation about it with your teenager.

Every parent who sees their teenager go through anxiety and depression must be hurting. Unsure how to help. Unsure what to say. Unsure where to turn. Here’s what this book is designed to be…

“This book gives spiritual encouragement and practical direction for parents and other adults who want to help but don’t know what to do. It will show how much you can contribute, and how many resources for healing God has placed in the hands of his people. Yes, there is hope in the midst of despair”

The book takes you through 18 people, or types, each with their own story and help you identify their situation and helps you think about creative ways to care for them well. A few of the people are; circular Sarah, tense Tom, doomed Dave, faithless Flavia, bullied Benton and perfect Peyton.

This book does not offer quick fixes, or formulas to help teenagers leave their anxiety and depression. But it gives hope. Murray acts like a loving friend who puts his arms around you as you weep at the sight of your hurting child and he listens. Murray uses his experience as a counselor to help you care for your teenager well. Sometimes that help takes the form of getting them outside for exercise, other times it means memorising Scripture together and pointing them to Jesus in their pain.

If you’re a parent of a teenager who is depressed or is anxious I would highly recommend this book. Each chapter is full if great wisdom and some cracking one-liners. This is a great place to start as you think about opening up an honest and constructive conversation with your teenager.

[Kevin Halloran]

Teen anxiety and depression is on the rise. Pew Research reported that in 2017, 13% of teens have experienced at least one major depressive episode in the previous year. These concerns don’t even factor in the challenges of living in a COVID-19 world with lockdowns and distance learning wreaking havoc among young people. (The CDC reported that during June 2020, 25% of young adults (18-24) contemplated suicide.) We have another pandemic on our hands.

That’s why I’m glad Dr. David Murray has written two companion books to address this, one for teens, Why Am I Feeling Like This? A Teen’s Guide to Freedom from Anxiety and Depression, and one for parents, Why is My Teenager Feeling Like This? A Guide for Helping Teens through Anxiety & Depression. Murray serves as pastor at First Byron CRC in Byron Center, MI, and formerly served as Professor at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary. He is a counselor and has written several excellent—and practical—books for Christians. These are the latest.

Murray describes anxiety and depression as “two sides of the same coin” (15) and also “one of the most treatable mental or emotional disorders” (18-19). That last fact should encourage parents: your child can see much growth and improvement with proper diagnoses and treatment. Murray understands the spiritual, physical, relational, and mental/cognitive causes of anxiety and depression and understands teens.

The eighteen chapters each tackle a root cause of anxiety/depression and share a biblical and practical way to grow. For “Doomed Dave” who lives under weight of guilt, his solution is believing and applying the gospel. For “Negative Nicole”, the solution is diagnosing the false views of reality that paint everything negatively and replacing it with truth and gratitude. “Friendly Fiona” needs to understand how healthy relationships with God and others will satisfy her longing for acceptance that so often drives her to make bad decisions. At the end of each short chapter in a section called “Turning the Key”, Murray shares exercises for teens and practical advice for parents to coach their children through the exercises.

Full disclosure: I’m not the parent of a teen or an expert on anxiety or depression. (In fact, my wife and I picked up these books as a tool for the ministry my wife started, Maker Girls By Design.) My wife read the book for teens and plans to launch a support group for teens struggling with anxiety in our community with the ministry she started. She noted how the fictional scenarios Murray includes are relatable for teens and makes them want to continue reading to see the solution. An especially helpful feature of the books is the “Turning the Key” portion on the last page of each chapter: an activity, often focused on a passage of Scripture, that helps apply the truth of the passage. My wife plans to use those for her support groups. My wife and I are grateful for these two books that are filled with Scriptural wisdom and practical tools shared in such an accessible manner. As I read through the book for parents, I thought through anxious episodes in my teen years and thought of how much a book like this would have helped me!

I expect parents to find these books a godsend for coaching their kids through anxiety. And it might just help them think through their own anxiety and faith as well.

[Jimmy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was looking for a book on dealing with parenting challenges with teenagers; this book while focused on dealing with teenage anxiety and teenage depression turned out to be a great resource on parenting teens in general as well with other issues! I got this book because I have read other books by the author and heard some of his lectures for Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary; he was practical and insightful and he does his research; so I went into reading this book with high expectation and I wasn’t disappointed! This book is meant for parents and it actually accompanies his earlier books written for teens titled Why Am I Feeling Like This? I think this book was well written and helpful for many Christian parents.
There’s a very good introduction for the book on anxiety, depression and teens. I appreciate the author being wholistic. Then there’s eighteen chapters that tgives stories of various teenagers and types of causes for their depression. For example there’s “Bullied Benton” who is depressed since he’s being bullied and “Beautiful Brianna” who is caught up with appearances and approval. In addition there’s the “Negative Nicole” who is a constant pessimist. I think the author does a good job of giving a picture of different types of depressed teens without caricauture of the teens; well done in my book, and was done well since the author’s pastoral concerns comes through clearly in the way he writes.
I took some good notes as a result of reading this book. I was really blessed with the author’s discussion about social media and the one about friends; there were some really wise insights. These insights aren’t just for the issue of depression and anxiety but actually for parenting in general in our modern twenty first century. The discussion about negative imaginations was also very very good. I think even if you are not a parent but minister to teens you can also benefit from this work; I am thinking about youth pastors, youth workers, Sunday school teachers, disciplers, small group leaders and other aides. I got this book because I am preparing to teach overseas a series on difficulties in parenting and secondly while I don’t have teenagers yet I thought it is best to be prepared rather than unprepared for the teenage years with my kids.
I give this book a five out of five and highly recommend it. If you don’t have kids yourself I would recommend it as a gift to a loved one who has teens.
NOTE: This book was provided to me free by Crossway without any obligation for a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

[Julia Hayward · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is aimed specifically at parents, but a fantastic guide for anyone who works with teens. As someone who has at times struggled with both depression and anxiety, I found myself cheering “yes!!” to a lot of these practical strategies for recovery. When I was deeply struggling, all I wanted was a long list of things to try to offer hope. I didn’t want to just hear that “it’ll get better!” Going to use this as my baseline for developing a middle school girls depression & anxiety group curriculum. We’ll see how I do with trying to take the explicit Jesus out of it. (Ugh.)

[Joshua Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Phenomenal resource for parents who are trying to navigate their teen and mental health from a Christian perspective. This book is practical and theological. I would recommend pairing this with the teen book. Parents should read this one and have their child read the other!

[Crystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very helpful guide for understanding teen anxiety and depression. Although it was geared towards teens, there were helpful things for anyone facing anxiety. I appreciated his holistic approach.

[Brian · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is filled to the brim with practical wisdom. So helpful!

[Becky · Rating 3 out of 5]

First sentence: Why is my teenager feeling like this? Have you ever looked at your adolescent son or daughter and asked this question? You poured your life into your children. You provided for them in every way. You set them up for success. But now they are sinking. They can’t get out of bed. They don’t want to go to school. They can’t function. They spend hours locked in their bedroom. They are nervous wrecks. This was not what you dreamed of. Instead of a confident, independent, happy, hopeful young man or woman, you now see a depressed, anxious, and empty soul.

Why Is My Teenager Feeling Like This? is a companion book to Why Am I Feeling Like This? It is for adults--parents, grandparents, pastors, teachers, etc. Why Am I Feeling Like This? is the book for teens.

I have not read Why Am I Feeling Like This?--at least not yet. I am curious if I'll identify more with that book or the book for parents?! (I am not a parent.)

The topic is anxiety and depression. The book opens with a longer section about anxiety and depression. It asks and answers these three questions: Who Gets Anxiety and Depression? What Causes Anxiety and Depression? What Can We Do about Anxiety and Depression? It encourages parents to read this book while their teens read Why Am I Feeling Like This? The books are designed to be read together and discussed together.

The book features eighteen examples or types. Circular Sarah. Tense Tom. Doomed Dave. Imaginative Imogen. Panicky Paul, etc. You get the idea. Each chapter focuses on a "key" to working through anxiety. One chapter, for example, might encourage kids to exercise and be less sedentary. Another chapter might focus on praying or memorizing Scripture. There is a chapter on seeking medical treatment and taking pills. There are additional activities and tools at the end of every chapter.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Parents desiring to understand and communicate with their teen in healthy ways with their teen about anxiety and depression will find a helpful resource in Crossway's Why Is My Teenager Feeling Like This? by David Murray. There's an accompanying teen version so parents and teens can read at the same time and then come together for some honest, transparent discussions. In Why Is My Teenager Feeling Like This? parents of teens will find encouragement and practical direction so they can form a plan to help their teen.

Murray begins with explanations about the causes of anxiety and depression in teens, saying that finding the cause is a key part of healing. Then he focuses several chapters on people like Tense Tom, Panicky Paul, Faithless Flavia, Bullied Luke, and others, showing parents what the various types of depression and anxiety might look like in teens, offering the key to understanding each type, and how to "turn the key" to unlock the door to healing.

While Murray doesn't give any easy answers, he shares much wisdom and practical advice. When taken seriously and prayerfully, parents are sure to find hope for the journey with their anxious and/or depressed teen. The book provides a starting place for open communication and practical steps to healing.

Note: I received a copy of the book in exchange for this honest review. The opinions expressed are my own.

[Clayton Norman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Covid-19 has created an unusual confluence of circumstances that easily lead to anxiety and from there to depression, particularly for teens. Zoom, Facetime, Twitter, Facebook, and other social media sites, as the only touchpoint for young adults who crave friendship, is not satisfying and even harmful if used as the only means to association.

David Murray tackles the issues facing teens and provides helps for a parent (or relative) who care for the mental health of their children. Murray also writes a companion book directed specifically at teens.

Just prior to seeing the book on Crossway’s list of books for review, I learned that a close relation, who is a teen, was suffering from depression. I felt helpless. Reading Murry’s recommendations made sense, gave perspective, and provided a way forward. I was impressed enough to go buy a copy of both the parent’s and teen’s books and will give them to the teen’s parents.

Murray’s style is easy to read, non-technical, yet detailed enough to give the ins and outs of depression from a medical and psychological perspective.

Crossway was kind enough to provide me a copy without expectation of a favorable review.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book covers a large range of reasons that teenagers may struggle emotionally and provides action steps for parents to take in response.

Two caveats: 1) This is a companion book to one for the teens in question, Why Am I Feeling Like This?: A Teen's Guide to Freedom from Anxiety and Depression, and refers to information in that text that is not repeated in the parent book. This is not a stand-alone; you will almost certainly want the other book as a supplement.

2) This is a very Christian book. If you're not comfortable with churchy answers, you probably won't find this at all helpful.

[Reyna]

When I saw this title I thought: no one deserves to feel like that, let alone a teenager, let alone the teens you love. But it happens, more than we can imagine. Do you remember your own struggles during those years? I have seen more resources about these 2 topics because they seem like the newest cultural pandemic. This resource you can pair with the one for the teen (if you are the leader or parent). This guide has the goal of you to understand how depression affects your soul, body, and relationships, I think it is useful for the parent to get it too. I wish as a mom and counselor this problem to diminish, not to rise. I hope all of us could cooperate for that to happen. If our teen is healthy we need to think about his friends.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

Having a teenager struggling with anxiety and depression, I picked up this book. I’m glad I did. Reading the various scenarios and associated applications, I saw many similarities. The chapters are super short (4-5 pages), making this a quick read. Murray cuts to the chase, keeping things simple and straightforward.

I highly recommend reading this in parallel with his book for teenagers. The chapters align and complement each other. I intend to work through these books with my teen.

**I may return to update my rating, depending on how things work out.**

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this while my daughter read the version for her. I skipped some chapters once she identified the stuff that most resonated with her. We both found it helpful for identifying her anxiety issues and my own and how we are similar and different. And it's opened up communication about it so that she isn't hiding and I'm not misunderstanding. Still some work to do with each other, but this has helped a ton.

[Jeffrey · Rating 4 out of 5]

A helpful book. Touches on lots of things teens might deal with and offers biblical advice. Murray also talks to parents about how to carefully help their teens, how to be respectful and sensitive while still being the parent.

[Kaylee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book and the teenager's companion book were both so helpful and made a difference in the life of my teenager. All of the chapters, all of the issues, may not apply, but if there is just one tidbit that helps then it is worth the five stars.

[Danette · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book will be helpful for parents or youth ministry leaders. With teen anxiety and depression on the rise, it's important for us to have Biblical resources to help us navigate those difficulties.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

The “Turning the Key” sections are useful.

[Lexi Zuo · Rating 3 out of 5]

The tone and writing are great! I loved the emphasis considering depression and anxiety from MANY different aspects. But I did find the format/layout of chapters boring after a while.

[Abbie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved that this book was the parent edition to go alongside the book for teens- that’s a very cool model. Parents and other adults are vital in helping teens through anxiety and depression!

[Alastair Gooderham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical companion book for parents with teens struggling with anxiety and depression to the one for teens. Some helpful insights and practical pointers.

[Helen Waring · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel I should caviat this review by saying that I am British and this is a book that has deeply entrenched cultural dynamics at play that I found jarring as I will explain.

At its broadest, this is a book about mental health difficulties in teens and as such it is full of useful and practical information (the importance of exercise and being outside, well evidenced techniques for dealing with axiety such as visualisation, Next Five and breathing techniques). Much of this is backed up with the science and research background although this is necessarily brief due to David Murray's choice of punchy and easy to read format. It is grounded in his Christian faith and includes lots of habits and family practices that are useful for Christian parenting more generally - not just in points of crisis.

It is written to be read alongside the companion book for teens 'Why am I Feeling Like This?' and as such doesn't always stand alone which I found a little frustrating. Although David Murray has added more detail to the parent book, there are things referenced that are only in the teen book. If you don't feel your teen would engage in this format then it leaves a gap or you as a parent or youth leader needing to read two books to access all the information.

Whilst I understand the format - each chapter focusing on a specific mental health difficulty - which makes it accessible and easy to read for a struggling teen, I found it felt a little trite and simplistic 'Lonely Luke, Paralyzed Pam, Beautiful Brianna) and I could not think of a single teen in the UK who would find this helpful or believable. This is a shame because the underlying issues and their support structures are universal (the need for sleep hygiene, healthy rest, managing expectations and anxious thoughts).

Some references were too American in culture for me to engage with - the elephant training imagery I found deeply troubling.

Sweeping statements such as ‘the fact is that 90 percent of high school romances do not last beyond three months’ and ‘all the research on the epidemic of teen anxiety and depression lays the greatest blame upon the overuse and misuse of digital technology’ are not referenced which I find frustrating. Is this opinion dressed up as fact? If it is based on credible research then this should be referenced so readers can fact check and be reassured that what David Murray is saying is not simply an opinion.

David Murray is a well respected Amercian paster and counsellor although I am not entirely sure of the professional acreditation for this in the US. I was therefore somewhat surprised that there was absolutely no reference to Austism or other neurodiversity which are extremely prevelant in those with mental health disorders. I also found the lack of signposting to professional counselling services (it is mentioned but almost as an aside) strange.

David Murray writes with a distinctive Christian voice and there is a fundamental faith aspect in each chapter. This is not a book to be read if you don't share his faith - whilst much would be helpful, the Christian viewpoint is strong and would overshadow the other material.

Overall, this book has a host of excellent strategies for promoting positive mental health and overcoming poor mental health but for me they were masked by the mentality that it could largely be fixed by a right relationship with God. As a Christian, I believe this to be true in the big picture but I have also walked with a number of teens through mental illness and I know the importance of professional engagement. Faith is often one of the first things to disappear when mental illness strikes so engaging with many of the strategies outlined in this book would just not work, especially not if being pushed by a parent or youth leader, however well meaning.

I came to this book wanting ideas of what to do walking alongside my teen, seeking professional help from experts whilst maintaining my role as parent. This book felt like it was trying to make me the professional which would not work in my lived experience.