Holding on to Love After You've Lost a Baby: The 5 Love Languages for Grieving Parents

by Gary Chapman, Candy McVicar

A Powerful Resource for Grieving Couples


Almost everyone will agree, the loss of a child is the worst grief that humans can experience. And that crushing grief puts immense strain on the marriage, family relationships, and friendships that few can understand. That’s why this book was written. In it Candy McVicar, a grieving mom who leads a ministry for grieving parents, and Dr. Gary Chapman, relationship expert and author of The 5 Love Languages®, team up to help couples who are facing the unimaginable.


They’ll teach you how to:


cope with the complex feelings that come with the grief process
understand your spouse’s unique grieving needs and support him/her
use the five love languages in grief-appropriate ways
There is nothing that can make the pain of losing a child go away, but you can get help coping with it. This is a perfect resource for grieving parents or friends who’d like to help.

Genres: Parenting, Grief, Nonfiction, Self Help

208 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2020

About the author

Gary Chapman, Ph.D.—author, speaker, and counselor—has a passion for people, and for helping them form lasting relationships.

Chapman is a well-known marriage counselor and director of marriage seminars. The 5 Love Languages® is one of Chapman’s most popular titles, topping various bestseller charts for years, selling over twenty million copies and has been on the New York Times bestsellers list since 2007. Chapman has been directly involved in real-life family counseling since the beginning of his ministry years, and his nationally syndicated radio programs air on Moody Radio Network and over 400 affiliate stations.

Reviews

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

A friend gifted this book to me after the stillbirth of our daughter. I found some chapters to be very helpful in navigating through the grief that comes with the loss of a child (especially in those initial months). This book touches on more then just the love between spouses after the loss of a baby - it includes relationships with grandparents, aunt's/uncle's and friends as well. Worth the read for bereaved parents as well as members of their support systems.

[Aubrey]

I lost my baby I was carrying at 19 weeks and 2 days on April 5th 2026. I delivered her, named her, held her and am now grieving her. My husband and I read this together. There are some good things in here for those in the thick of it. There are many sentiments and stories that hit close to home, I feel like a lot of the feelings they talk about with losing a child are what I have felt. There was a chapter for friends of those who are grieving which was actually really good information. This book also gave me ways to support my children, and my baby’s grandparents as they mourn the loss of her as well. I think the best thing I got out of this book was the grief meter that comes about during processing the death of a loved one. We are often comparing one another’s grief and what would be worse etc. but a loss is a loss and it is all hard.

[Quinn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was decent. Not my favorite, because it was way more religious than I would like, but if you are Christian and that brings you comfort, you’d like this book. Some great tips about how to help out people in your life who have experienced pregnancy/child loss. The biggest detractor for me was the judgment about people who get abortions. I don’t think I could personally get one, but I won’t ever judge someone for getting one, because you just don’t know why they had to make that difficult choice.

[Savannah Cummins · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was gifted this book recently after losing my daughter. Parts of this book seemed very helpful and others seemed useless. This could be because it was so recent of a loss for me. Would still recommend to anyone who has lost a child but don’t expect to be able to apply every chapter to your situation

[Hannah Nowak · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish there was a little more of applying the love languages post-loss with your spouse. Touched on relationships with everyone, which was useful too and could be useful for friends/family looking to support a loved one who has lost a baby.

[Panda Incognito · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this gentle, life-affirming book, Gary Chapman and Candy McVicar provide guidance for parents who are grieving the loss of a baby. The authors primarily focus on miscarriage, stillbirth, and early infant death, but they also briefly address grief from abortion, and much of their advice holds true for parents who have lost an older child. The authors are sensitive and comforting, and this book is full of personal testimonies, well-researched psychological advice, and self-reflection exercises. This is a great resource for Christian parents who have lost a baby, and readers who do not share the authors’ faith can also find this helpful and encouraging.

Candy McVicar has lost babies to both stillbirth and miscarriage, and now runs a grief care organization for people who have lost children under a variety of circumstances. She shares her testimony with raw, personal details, and also shares stories from other parents who have lost children. Gary Chapman’s sections of the book support hers, providing additional guidance and sharing about how parents can draw on The Five Love Languages to keep their relationship strong. This element of the book is not gimmicky at all, and is based in McVicar’s personal experience. When she and her husband lost their first child to stillbirth, they found Chapman’s resources transformative as they went through this loss together.

This book is also not just for parents. The authors address some chapters to family and friends, helping people understand how to support their grieving loved ones and avoid saying and doing hurtful things. The authors also acknowledge the grief and complex emotions that family and friends experience when a baby dies. This book is very gentle, thorough, practical, and life-affirming, and I highly recommend it.

I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Kayleigh · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was not at all what I expected it to be, which I suppose is my own fault for assuming it would primarily discuss the love between the parents of the child who has died. There was really only one chapter that talked about spousal love in particular, and it basically told you to read Gary Chapman’s book, “The 5 Love Languages,” which I’ve already read. I was hoping this book would’ve gone more into connecting with your partner and how to maintain a marriage after losing a baby. I think it takes more than just knowing your partner’s love language to keep a marriage together after a devastating loss, but perhaps I was expecting too much from this book. Additionally, there were a few times in the book when the authors tried to convert the reader into a “believer,” if you aren’t already one, which was unwelcome and felt out of place. All in all, not what I was looking for in this book, but I do think it could be beneficial for anyone in the early stages of grief.

[Books Bliss and Biscuits Karolina & Natasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well written and comforting. The authors write about the 5 love languages and how those play into holding on to love to your partner during the traumatic period after loss.
One of the authors (Candy McVicar) is a minister so there is quite a few mentions of religion and God. It didn’t feel overwhelming to me but may be for someone else.
I liked reading about McVicar’s personal story - that section was my favorite. So touching and beautifully written.
The hook also has many testimonials from other parents, grandparents, etc. which allows you to relate to others.

[Libby Stevenson · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author (Candy) writes vivid details about miscarriage that are VERY graphic and disturbing. I was so excited about this book, but the descriptions she uses and callous remarks about “flushing your baby down the toilet” are completely inexcusable.

[Ally · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorites on stillbirth. What a legacy for sweet baby Grace 🤍

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book covers the many topics surrounding grief after a child dies (at any age or gestation), and lots about grief’s impact on us as we go through life. Although I’m 13 yrs into my grief journey, the authors wrote about topics that I had never thought of or considered. Often we think of grief as an abstract term without a lot of understanding about what’s really involved. This book delves deep into how we grieve and what impact that has on us for the future. It gives tools for grieving losses of loved ones that we never grieved well over. There is a wealth of information here for those grieving the death of a child AND those wishing to help a friend or a loved one who is grieving the death of a child. I especially appreciated the lists of: Helpful Words and Actions and Hurtful Words and Actions. The “homework” questions and lists at the end of each chapter are very helpful to apply what you’ve learned as well as dig deeper into why you and your spouse grieve the way you grieve. Knowing love languages and knowing how to apply our loved ones’ love languages can help so much in this journey of grief. Excellent read!