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Premka: White Bird in a Golden Cage: My Life with Yogi Bhajan
Premka: White Bird in a Golden Cage is a compelling and beautifully unfolding tale, offering a haunting look into a teacher/student relationship. This intimate memoir, written by one of Yogi Bhajan’s prized teachers and exalted students, is full of devotion, love, dedication, betrayal, loss and the healing unification of the self. It also reads as a love letter to a unique time in history—the ‘60s in Los Angeles and New Mexico, where love, music, art, spiritual exploration, often led to self-transformation. As a historical treatise and a spiritual mystery, this book offers unique insight into the origins of the Western Sikh movement and the proliferation of Yogi Bhajan’s kundalini yoga.
206 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2020
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February 5, 2023
A very brave, unflinching memoir about the birth of Kundalini Yoga in the West under Yogi Bhajan in the late-1960s. While Premka covers Pamela Dyson’s repeated sexual abuse and emotional manipulation under Yogi Bhajan and the cult she helped form around him over 16 years as his Secretary General, personal attendant, and head administrator (“We are creating a history, and the world will just marvel at this history one day,” he is recorded by Dyson as having said), it also is a highly personal document about being caught in a web of power and hierarchy, as well as Dyson finally coming to terms with needing to leave her Guru and her community in order to find herself.
I have practiced Kundalini Yoga for over half my life; the teachings have changed me, and the practice has saved me. But for the last five or so years, as my training has advanced, I have seen a great deal of corruption in the upper ranks of 3HO, KRI, IKYTA, and Sikh Dharma that have opened my eyes—and a great many friends of mine in the community—to the abuses of power, the un-yogic way that people are treated by Legacy Teachers in authoritative positions (or even forced to “modify” their behavior in order to remain in the community), and, personally, I have been victim of emotional and psychological abuse by one of my teachers: a Legacy Teacher, who studied under and worked for Yogi Bhajan (and, after reading Dyson’s memoir, perhaps learning from his actions how to intimidate and manipulate in covert ways).
Yogi Bhajan’s empire was all about money and power, with New Age spirituality its backbone. His teachings continue to speak to millions of people around the world, and the allegations that Dyson—whom he named Premka—and many others have made have begun to shake the 3HO community to its core. There will be three camps, as one can easily see from reviews on Amazon for Dyson’s memoir: (1) those who believe her, for what does she have to gain now, at the age of 75 or so, bringing this story public?; (2) those who condemn her as a liar and pariah, which only follows the story that Yogi Bhajan himself made up when he—to employ a term Dyson’s uses for Siri Brahma, who would later become her husband—“excommunicated” a member from the community or else they just chose to leave; and (3) those who are torn, because the teachings have helped them, have been a part of their daily lives for such a long time, that the allegations in Premka (which have caused other allegations to be brought forward) are causing them to question their allegiance to a spiritual teacher who did not follow his own teachings: “an all-powerful spiritual teacher,” in Dyson’s words, “who didn’t follow any of his own rules.” Yogi Bhajan’s falling out with his own Guru, Virsa Singh, in India, the underhanded way he got 84 of his early followers to convert—without their knowledge—to Sikhism through a secretive Amrit ceremony in India while his life was threatened, and his growing need for security guards during his time in America are all in the background here, too, and what need has a spiritual teacher for constant security (even urging his staff to be escorted, too) if corruption is not present?
Yogi Bhajan is dead, and the internet is filled with information on the 3HO cult, Premka’s own case against him (the trial transcripts are online: here is but one resource), and various factions that feel she extorted money from the community rather than sued as was her right: for emotional and sexual abuse; for being forced to abort Yogi Bhajan’s child in a backstreet abortion in India in 1971, a procedure from which she nearly died; and to land herself back on her feet after making zero money in her 16 years of service in 3HO. She returned to the ashram in the mid-90s, and many view that visit as evidence that the allegations here are unfounded: why return to a community or cult from which you’d fled if there was bad blood? She herself has said that she returned to ask for Yogi Bhajan’s forgiveness (this is not in the book; my one qualm with Premka is that she doesn’t delve into the period post-1985 at all); one can only guess at what happened at such a meeting. To me, though, it speaks more to the power of a cult in general: you leave, but your whole life has become that cult, its teachings, the community. And so it makes sense from this perspective that someone so immersed, so brainwashed, would return: it was the only home she had known as an adult, the only people with whom she was allowed to socialize—if that can even be used for a 3HO community, centered solely on pleasing and doting on Yogi Bhajan. This is PTSD, pure and simple.
You also leave and the people who have been your friends and community for years are given an alternate version of the “you” that they knew, a version twisted by its spiritual leader and therefore one that is taken as truth, without question:
If the definition of a cult is a group of people who believe something not considered mainstream, those who group together around these beliefs, and those whose lives take each of these beliefs into account (for cults aren’t always suicide cults, of course), then Kundalini Yoga as it’s become is indeed a cult, with 3HO as its mouthpiece, governing board, and monolithic power structure. This is despite Yogi Bhajan’s oft-quoted remark to the contrary: “Kundalini Yoga is not a religion. Religions come out of it. Kundalini Yoga is not a fad and it’s not a cult.” What those who use this quote to defend Kundalini Yoga and claim it isn’t a cult fail to realize is that Kundalini Yoga is the practice; the organization 3HO is the cult that formed around it—the “religion” that Yogi Bhajan himself states can come out of such a practice. If nothing else, it is a cult of personality which takes Yogi Bhajan as an idol-like Guru to be worshipped, an issue that outsiders took of 3HO from the beginning: “His break with Maharaj Virsa Singh back in 1971 had also generated ill will in some politically powerful circles. Probably most controversial of all, many Indians believed the Yogi was building a personality cult—a huge contradiction to the Sikh religious tenets.”
The NPO status protects all of the Legacy organizations from harm or legal accusations; it’s a good thing that, in the wake of Dyson’s memoir and the continuing allegations against Yogi Bhajan, 3HO, KRI, and Sikh Dharma have hired an external mediator to look into these matters. In this era of #MeToo, Dyson’s memoir taps into a phenomenon, and we need to listen to and learn from such stories, whether we believe them or not.
In my own dealings with the higher-ups at these Legacy organizations, I am not hopeful that change will occur, despite the language and rhetoric they’ve been using in emails to the global 3HO community. I’ve met with many who were harassed when they left the community, or harassed enough to leave the community; I’ve met with many over the years who were abused and violated by teachers who are deemed to be “untouchable” and no complaint or ethics investigation was ever launched. My situation was one of these. However, it is my firm hope that Dyson’s memoir will bring to light that spiritual teachers are human, and are therefore flawed; and I hope that it will begin to dismantle the no-longer-functional 3HO family, its various people in powerful positions that abuse such power (I know a lot of anger was felt when Yogi Bhajan died, as many thought he would name them as a successor: he named none), and that people can begin to treat each other with respect and dignity as a yoga community should be doing. As Dyson states of the 3HO community in its early days, but a statement that is true even now: “One thing you could say about our family, about our community, we were very adept at denial and repression.”
Let us not throw out those who disagree with a spiritual teacher who is now dead; if the teachings work for you, then continue to practice. If those in Level 1 teacher training feel uncomfortable in the requirement to do White Tantric with Yogi Bhajan leading via video, then I think in the light of these allegations and the current investigation, this requirement should be waived. While I have had my own grievances and issues with the powers-that-be in 3HO, KRI, and Sikh Dharma for several years now, as I’ve said, I have continued to practice and, for me, the practice works. Yogi Bhajan opened up these teachings for us: they’re still there for us to use, and I think we should stop worshipping the man who claimed only to be the “mouthpiece” of the Guru, not a Guru himself. His time at the top of the pedestal is over, and I hope this will lead to a reconsideration of one’s relation to community, one’s teachers, the teachings that one follows, and also a reclamation of one’s own spiritual identity as not tethered to any one school of thought of cult-like “spirituality.”
You are your own Guru in the Age of Aquarius. I urge everyone to read Dyson’s memoir, since, as stuck as she was right in the center of all of it, she managed to break free, to find her path, and to speak her truth. We can all only hope to be as brave as she has proven to be here.
Sat Naam
I have practiced Kundalini Yoga for over half my life; the teachings have changed me, and the practice has saved me. But for the last five or so years, as my training has advanced, I have seen a great deal of corruption in the upper ranks of 3HO, KRI, IKYTA, and Sikh Dharma that have opened my eyes—and a great many friends of mine in the community—to the abuses of power, the un-yogic way that people are treated by Legacy Teachers in authoritative positions (or even forced to “modify” their behavior in order to remain in the community), and, personally, I have been victim of emotional and psychological abuse by one of my teachers: a Legacy Teacher, who studied under and worked for Yogi Bhajan (and, after reading Dyson’s memoir, perhaps learning from his actions how to intimidate and manipulate in covert ways).
Yogi Bhajan’s empire was all about money and power, with New Age spirituality its backbone. His teachings continue to speak to millions of people around the world, and the allegations that Dyson—whom he named Premka—and many others have made have begun to shake the 3HO community to its core. There will be three camps, as one can easily see from reviews on Amazon for Dyson’s memoir: (1) those who believe her, for what does she have to gain now, at the age of 75 or so, bringing this story public?; (2) those who condemn her as a liar and pariah, which only follows the story that Yogi Bhajan himself made up when he—to employ a term Dyson’s uses for Siri Brahma, who would later become her husband—“excommunicated” a member from the community or else they just chose to leave; and (3) those who are torn, because the teachings have helped them, have been a part of their daily lives for such a long time, that the allegations in Premka (which have caused other allegations to be brought forward) are causing them to question their allegiance to a spiritual teacher who did not follow his own teachings: “an all-powerful spiritual teacher,” in Dyson’s words, “who didn’t follow any of his own rules.” Yogi Bhajan’s falling out with his own Guru, Virsa Singh, in India, the underhanded way he got 84 of his early followers to convert—without their knowledge—to Sikhism through a secretive Amrit ceremony in India while his life was threatened, and his growing need for security guards during his time in America are all in the background here, too, and what need has a spiritual teacher for constant security (even urging his staff to be escorted, too) if corruption is not present?
Yogi Bhajan is dead, and the internet is filled with information on the 3HO cult, Premka’s own case against him (the trial transcripts are online: here is but one resource), and various factions that feel she extorted money from the community rather than sued as was her right: for emotional and sexual abuse; for being forced to abort Yogi Bhajan’s child in a backstreet abortion in India in 1971, a procedure from which she nearly died; and to land herself back on her feet after making zero money in her 16 years of service in 3HO. She returned to the ashram in the mid-90s, and many view that visit as evidence that the allegations here are unfounded: why return to a community or cult from which you’d fled if there was bad blood? She herself has said that she returned to ask for Yogi Bhajan’s forgiveness (this is not in the book; my one qualm with Premka is that she doesn’t delve into the period post-1985 at all); one can only guess at what happened at such a meeting. To me, though, it speaks more to the power of a cult in general: you leave, but your whole life has become that cult, its teachings, the community. And so it makes sense from this perspective that someone so immersed, so brainwashed, would return: it was the only home she had known as an adult, the only people with whom she was allowed to socialize—if that can even be used for a 3HO community, centered solely on pleasing and doting on Yogi Bhajan. This is PTSD, pure and simple.
You also leave and the people who have been your friends and community for years are given an alternate version of the “you” that they knew, a version twisted by its spiritual leader and therefore one that is taken as truth, without question:
Each departure was quickly condemned by the yogi. He would explain it away by describing a side of them we hadn’t noticed before, a whole new, fatally flawed image of them. Through the power of his words, one of our previously exalted peers would be transformed into a pariah, and effectively cut off from the whole community.And so it’s amazingly generous to those of us still in, or half-in, the 3HO community that Dyson has chosen to wait until now to tell her story; as she’s spoken in a lengthy video interview, she said she needed to make sure that her story wasn’t coming from a place of hurt or anger, and that she had healed sufficiently from the experience before writing and ultimately publishing it. Her story rings true: one can feel the devotion to Yogi Bhajan, her love for a man who was married with three children and who kept a circle of women around him at all times to gratify his ego as well as his sexual needs, and one can also feel the immense alienation and isolation she felt as she began to realize how well-protected he’d made himself with his various organizations and nonprofits, and how isolated the community was with regard to the rest of the world. As Dyson writes in Premka: “After 14 years as his devotee and a Sikh, I no longer had any active friendships outside of this community.”
If the definition of a cult is a group of people who believe something not considered mainstream, those who group together around these beliefs, and those whose lives take each of these beliefs into account (for cults aren’t always suicide cults, of course), then Kundalini Yoga as it’s become is indeed a cult, with 3HO as its mouthpiece, governing board, and monolithic power structure. This is despite Yogi Bhajan’s oft-quoted remark to the contrary: “Kundalini Yoga is not a religion. Religions come out of it. Kundalini Yoga is not a fad and it’s not a cult.” What those who use this quote to defend Kundalini Yoga and claim it isn’t a cult fail to realize is that Kundalini Yoga is the practice; the organization 3HO is the cult that formed around it—the “religion” that Yogi Bhajan himself states can come out of such a practice. If nothing else, it is a cult of personality which takes Yogi Bhajan as an idol-like Guru to be worshipped, an issue that outsiders took of 3HO from the beginning: “His break with Maharaj Virsa Singh back in 1971 had also generated ill will in some politically powerful circles. Probably most controversial of all, many Indians believed the Yogi was building a personality cult—a huge contradiction to the Sikh religious tenets.”
The NPO status protects all of the Legacy organizations from harm or legal accusations; it’s a good thing that, in the wake of Dyson’s memoir and the continuing allegations against Yogi Bhajan, 3HO, KRI, and Sikh Dharma have hired an external mediator to look into these matters. In this era of #MeToo, Dyson’s memoir taps into a phenomenon, and we need to listen to and learn from such stories, whether we believe them or not.
In my own dealings with the higher-ups at these Legacy organizations, I am not hopeful that change will occur, despite the language and rhetoric they’ve been using in emails to the global 3HO community. I’ve met with many who were harassed when they left the community, or harassed enough to leave the community; I’ve met with many over the years who were abused and violated by teachers who are deemed to be “untouchable” and no complaint or ethics investigation was ever launched. My situation was one of these. However, it is my firm hope that Dyson’s memoir will bring to light that spiritual teachers are human, and are therefore flawed; and I hope that it will begin to dismantle the no-longer-functional 3HO family, its various people in powerful positions that abuse such power (I know a lot of anger was felt when Yogi Bhajan died, as many thought he would name them as a successor: he named none), and that people can begin to treat each other with respect and dignity as a yoga community should be doing. As Dyson states of the 3HO community in its early days, but a statement that is true even now: “One thing you could say about our family, about our community, we were very adept at denial and repression.”
Let us not throw out those who disagree with a spiritual teacher who is now dead; if the teachings work for you, then continue to practice. If those in Level 1 teacher training feel uncomfortable in the requirement to do White Tantric with Yogi Bhajan leading via video, then I think in the light of these allegations and the current investigation, this requirement should be waived. While I have had my own grievances and issues with the powers-that-be in 3HO, KRI, and Sikh Dharma for several years now, as I’ve said, I have continued to practice and, for me, the practice works. Yogi Bhajan opened up these teachings for us: they’re still there for us to use, and I think we should stop worshipping the man who claimed only to be the “mouthpiece” of the Guru, not a Guru himself. His time at the top of the pedestal is over, and I hope this will lead to a reconsideration of one’s relation to community, one’s teachers, the teachings that one follows, and also a reclamation of one’s own spiritual identity as not tethered to any one school of thought of cult-like “spirituality.”
You are your own Guru in the Age of Aquarius. I urge everyone to read Dyson’s memoir, since, as stuck as she was right in the center of all of it, she managed to break free, to find her path, and to speak her truth. We can all only hope to be as brave as she has proven to be here.
Sat Naam
March 11, 2020
This book has been said to be about sexual misconduct of Yogi Bhajan, the leader of kundalini yoga in the western world. However, the sexual misconduct is the least of the abuses he committed toward the author and other followers.
It is a beautifully and respectfully told story of Premka’s relationship with a narcissist guru, drunk on his own power. Yogi Bhajan has become a kind of god or saint in the kundalini community, but this seems to be an honest portrayal of a flawed man who has learned to use his spirituality and charisma to control his believers without question.
Kundalini teaches that god is within and “sat nam,” the most known mantra and greeting in the practice, means “truth is my identity.” This book moves toward truth and and teaches that listening to our gut is more important than listening to another’s interpretation of our life’s journey. My hope is that as these stories come out, people will view power with skepticism, keep an open mind and have the strength and courage to maintain independence and trust instincts, making us less susceptible to this kind of psychological control.
It is a beautifully and respectfully told story of Premka’s relationship with a narcissist guru, drunk on his own power. Yogi Bhajan has become a kind of god or saint in the kundalini community, but this seems to be an honest portrayal of a flawed man who has learned to use his spirituality and charisma to control his believers without question.
Kundalini teaches that god is within and “sat nam,” the most known mantra and greeting in the practice, means “truth is my identity.” This book moves toward truth and and teaches that listening to our gut is more important than listening to another’s interpretation of our life’s journey. My hope is that as these stories come out, people will view power with skepticism, keep an open mind and have the strength and courage to maintain independence and trust instincts, making us less susceptible to this kind of psychological control.
February 14, 2020
What a good job she does of writing about a deeply fraught relationship. I think she is impeccable in containing the story to her own experience, not hearsay and not really passing much judgement on the much more powerful man who looms so large in her life. One of the most powerful actions in the world is to hold others to account without indulging in blame, and I believe Pamela Dyson does this. In the end it makes the story much more telling about the costs of powerful people not being so impeccable in how they wield that power.
I am deeply grateful for Kundalini yoga and respect Yogi Bhajan's role in bringing it to the west and in many ways creating it out of whatever amalgam of precedents and inspiration that took. And I do believe that such creative genius is fundamentally attractive. I would have been surprised if he wasn't sexually involved with people in the movement he created. Yet that doesn't make it OK.
And this book shows just how hurtful the outcomes are. It also celebrates the author's resilience, her good sense in stepping away from a relationship that was doing more harm than good, and her amazing healing to be able to write such a clear, even-handed and concise book about such intimate and painful experiences.
I am deeply grateful for Kundalini yoga and respect Yogi Bhajan's role in bringing it to the west and in many ways creating it out of whatever amalgam of precedents and inspiration that took. And I do believe that such creative genius is fundamentally attractive. I would have been surprised if he wasn't sexually involved with people in the movement he created. Yet that doesn't make it OK.
And this book shows just how hurtful the outcomes are. It also celebrates the author's resilience, her good sense in stepping away from a relationship that was doing more harm than good, and her amazing healing to be able to write such a clear, even-handed and concise book about such intimate and painful experiences.
March 20, 2020
I read this in two sittings; it's exceptionally well-written, and an extremely provocative story that is told with grace. If you're familiar with Kundalini yoga, you know Yogi Bhajan is the progenitor of the discipline (at least in America), and treated by many followers as a near-deity. Dyson knew him almost from the moment he arrived in the US, leaving behind a wife and family, but furtively taking her into his bed. Dyson -- renamed Premka by the Yogi -- didn't mind at first; in fact, she was madly in love with him. So was everyone else, and Bhajan's dharma grew a following of millions. But while developing a practice combining breathwork, meditation, and yoga poses that has helped countless people, Bhajan used his power to manipulate, and Dyson alleges sexual misconduct. In particular, he insisted on maintaining a sexual relationship with her even after she asked it to end, for her "own benefit." Her account is extremely convincing. This book has roiled the Kundalini community, but Dyson does not seem to see herself as a #metoo whistleblower. She's simply telling her story, with very little judgment passed on anyone. It's essential reading, especially for the Kundalini community.
April 15, 2020
Kundalini yoga, as taught by Guru Singh at Yoga West in Los Angeles, was absolutely transformational for me. There is undoubtedly tremendous benefit in its practice.
According to Pamela Dyson, the author of this memoir, there was also a damaging cult of personality surrounding the individual who was largely instrumental in bringing kundalini yoga to the United States, Yogi Bhajan. Once again, a man with a devoted following seems to have let the power get the best of him, and he abused that power again and again, as she recounts in these pages.
What is most troubling to read is how long it takes her to fully see what is going on and break free from the unhealthy dynamics that Yogi Bhajan created and perpetuated. Her story provides insight into how people get drawn into cults and convince themselves to stay, even while their logical minds are yelling at them to do something else.
A compelling and disturbing read.
According to Pamela Dyson, the author of this memoir, there was also a damaging cult of personality surrounding the individual who was largely instrumental in bringing kundalini yoga to the United States, Yogi Bhajan. Once again, a man with a devoted following seems to have let the power get the best of him, and he abused that power again and again, as she recounts in these pages.
What is most troubling to read is how long it takes her to fully see what is going on and break free from the unhealthy dynamics that Yogi Bhajan created and perpetuated. Her story provides insight into how people get drawn into cults and convince themselves to stay, even while their logical minds are yelling at them to do something else.
A compelling and disturbing read.
December 18, 2020
This book brought out many emotions, and I had to process a lot of it before writing down my thoughts, though I doubt I’m done processing.
Lessons: any spiritual teacher who attempts to separate you from your inner knowing should be questioned.
Also, as a yoga teacher, I would rather be an ethical failure than have my humanity stripped away by success. I think this is why happens to men like Yogi Bhajan- influence and prestige can be poisonous.
I think this is an important part of the Yogi Bhajan story, and was an important catalyst, but the work of dismantling systematic spiritual abuse is only beginning.
Lessons: any spiritual teacher who attempts to separate you from your inner knowing should be questioned.
Also, as a yoga teacher, I would rather be an ethical failure than have my humanity stripped away by success. I think this is why happens to men like Yogi Bhajan- influence and prestige can be poisonous.
I think this is an important part of the Yogi Bhajan story, and was an important catalyst, but the work of dismantling systematic spiritual abuse is only beginning.
February 13, 2020
Great read
This is a great account of our personal attempt to search our life’s for expanded consciousness. And the pitfalls along the way.
Although they are always just insights into our own psyche
This is a great account of our personal attempt to search our life’s for expanded consciousness. And the pitfalls along the way.
Although they are always just insights into our own psyche
April 9, 2020
A devastating insight into how living in a destructive relationship and environment wears you down to the point where you lose yourself.
This will be a very personal review...
As a Kundaliniyoga practitioner and teacher, I am all the more grateful for having met teachers who have encouraged a healthy dose of scepticism and to never just accept, who have tried hard to focus on the good, never to force a habit or a strict dress code or way of living/think/be. I only wish it had always been like this, everywhere and for everyone.
Again, this book is an important reminder that lies and abuse can be found everywhere and that we must always recognise what is the truth, even when it turns out to be ugly or not at all what we had hoped to see, but that we don't have to be defined by it. We can do what humans have always done: pick up the best bits and nurture these into something truly beautiful and good. But we must also deal with the ugly by recognising and admitting its existence. There must be a chance to listen, to heal and to choose a different path. A better path.
I hope that the Kundaliniyoga community will do all of this.
But most importantly, as this story reminds us: we must as individuals never lose sight of who and what we are, we must not give anyone else the power to do so. The consequences might be devastating.
This will be a very personal review...
As a Kundaliniyoga practitioner and teacher, I am all the more grateful for having met teachers who have encouraged a healthy dose of scepticism and to never just accept, who have tried hard to focus on the good, never to force a habit or a strict dress code or way of living/think/be. I only wish it had always been like this, everywhere and for everyone.
Again, this book is an important reminder that lies and abuse can be found everywhere and that we must always recognise what is the truth, even when it turns out to be ugly or not at all what we had hoped to see, but that we don't have to be defined by it. We can do what humans have always done: pick up the best bits and nurture these into something truly beautiful and good. But we must also deal with the ugly by recognising and admitting its existence. There must be a chance to listen, to heal and to choose a different path. A better path.
I hope that the Kundaliniyoga community will do all of this.
But most importantly, as this story reminds us: we must as individuals never lose sight of who and what we are, we must not give anyone else the power to do so. The consequences might be devastating.
February 22, 2020
I am about in the middle and it is disturbing. I am a practicioner and teacher of Kundalini Yoga. I have studied with many teachers including Yogi Bhajan - although things were whispeed and suspected apparently it was more than rumors. It is a good cautionary tale about giving up all for the guru - which by the wqy, simply means teacher - not some exalted mystical being. We all need to remember that and that teachers are human just like the rest of us.
March 6, 2020
This is a heartfelt and beautiful account of one woman's spiritual journey. This book has the power to reveal the shortcomings of spiritual teachings that try to discredit a woman's voice and a woman's humble experience. Any man that tries to force anyone to be like him has got serious issues, as this memoir reveals the issues of Yogi Bhajan's mental disorders. I am grateful that the world received this book, and we are able to embrace this side of the story. Thank you!
March 2, 2020
Couldn't put it down
I read this so fast because it was fascinating... not necessarily in a good way. What a life to live with this Guru, caught up in so much drama. I could not imagine living and feeling so trapped in a lifestyle that was supposed to be so positive
I read this so fast because it was fascinating... not necessarily in a good way. What a life to live with this Guru, caught up in so much drama. I could not imagine living and feeling so trapped in a lifestyle that was supposed to be so positive
March 6, 2020
As a Kundalini Yoga teacher who discovered the teachings after Yogi Bhajan died, this gives an interesting & disturbing picture of the early days of this man's hegemony in the Western yoga world. Really well-written, & definitely food for thought! I'll be a while digesting this...
March 11, 2025
Ninth-century Chinese Buddhist monk Linji Yixuan famously told his disciples, “If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.”
Killing the Buddha means killing our conceptualizations, killing the belief that we understand it all.
There are often points in time where we need to seek advice and experience from those further along the path. But within the teacher/student relationship can arise a point at which the student is susceptible to idolizing their teacher and thus forgoes their own growth. This book is a classic example of this.
Idolizing a teacher is one side of the dilemma. The other lies in the teachings themself. If we begin to conceptualize the non-conceptual…. this is not the path. If we begin to “know” rather than “remain open to”…. This is a problem.
When we cling strongly to what we have learned, it becomes easy for us to be convinced that we get it, and in fear of losing it, we begin to hold tightly to it. This fixation ends up becoming a crutch towards our growth. The teacher and teachings are both useful; and at times, necessary. But, ultimately, both must be allowed to drop away. For one to truly grow in spiritual practice we must let go.
N’est pas?
Good story. Clear writing. Relatively well paced.
Killing the Buddha means killing our conceptualizations, killing the belief that we understand it all.
There are often points in time where we need to seek advice and experience from those further along the path. But within the teacher/student relationship can arise a point at which the student is susceptible to idolizing their teacher and thus forgoes their own growth. This book is a classic example of this.
Idolizing a teacher is one side of the dilemma. The other lies in the teachings themself. If we begin to conceptualize the non-conceptual…. this is not the path. If we begin to “know” rather than “remain open to”…. This is a problem.
When we cling strongly to what we have learned, it becomes easy for us to be convinced that we get it, and in fear of losing it, we begin to hold tightly to it. This fixation ends up becoming a crutch towards our growth. The teacher and teachings are both useful; and at times, necessary. But, ultimately, both must be allowed to drop away. For one to truly grow in spiritual practice we must let go.
N’est pas?
Good story. Clear writing. Relatively well paced.
November 1, 2024
A sweet and heartfelt story
March 25, 2020
Very subjective
It was a good story, however I don't find it to be the tell all book against Kundalini Yoga that it's been hyped up to be
It was a good story, however I don't find it to be the tell all book against Kundalini Yoga that it's been hyped up to be
April 5, 2020
A fascinating and heart breaking biography of a women who spent 40 years of her life 'trapped' under the dominating power of Yogi Bajan. This book outlines her experience of losing her own identity within a strict and structured image that had been created for her, in favour of Yogi Bajan and at the sacrifice of her being able to fall in love, have children, or have any sense of personal freedom. This book made me feel uneasy, as it unveils the darkness and power structures that underlie a seemingly 'spiritual' and 'enlightened' community. I definitely saw a cult-like nature in the Kundalini community and how YB used power to curate his own 'brand'.
November 15, 2022
This is a beautiful and brave cult memoir. The author describes with a combination of emotion and restraint how she met and became involved with one of the major Indian gurus who came to the US in the sixties and went on to establish spiritual empires. She gives voice to her personal story, dissects the mechanism of cult indoctrination, and exposes previously hidden abuse. Her book also gives a feeling for a particular era. We experience, alongside her, how a generation of seekers was sold a pure spiritual lifestyle, bound by moral rules and hygienic practices, and bought it without question.
December 4, 2020
The book started out interesting but got pretty tedious. The author spent too much time giving details on irrelevant things and not giving details on the actual workings of the cult she joined. She glossed over a lot of the cult stuff only to focus too much on boring details like how she got from one place to another. She also glossed over a lot of what Yogi Bhajan did which was the point of the book. I was still able to finish it but skipped a lot of the boring details of her life that had nothing to do with the cult and was just her trying to be poetic and failing.
August 31, 2020
Being a student of kundalini yoga for 20 years when I heard of this book I immediately downloaded and read in a days time. Could see Premka's story unfolding the way she says... Indeed a sad story. I'll reframe Yogi B "keep up and you shall be kept up" type lessons as good lessons regardless. Unfortunately we're all human and while do as i say not as I do (infidelity) lessons ARE SOLID it IS a part of human nature.
January 20, 2021
As a yogi, I was expecting this story to be compelling, but instead it was repetitive and poorly written. I wanted to feel bad for Pamela, as Yogi Bhajan was a selfish and deeply flawed human, but some of her choices were borderline laughable. Disliking the main character does not detract from my rating, but the writing style certainly does. The book had so much potential, I'm disappointed.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 26, 2024
This book offers insight into the insular western Sikh community, and Yogi Bhajan, the creator of Kundalini yoga. Both heart breaking and eye opening, the book delivers an honest story of one of the key members of a cult that still thrives today.
Second read: I’m impressed how Pamela kept this book a true account of her experiences.
Second read: I’m impressed how Pamela kept this book a true account of her experiences.
April 21, 2020
Loved it
As a student of Kundalini many years ago and receiving a spiritual name by Yogi Bhajan I found this book fascinating and returned me to a happy time in my life. I’m sure this must have been a difficult story to write but one that must be told.
As a student of Kundalini many years ago and receiving a spiritual name by Yogi Bhajan I found this book fascinating and returned me to a happy time in my life. I’m sure this must have been a difficult story to write but one that must be told.
February 16, 2020
Not truthful, one can tell she is not telling the truth
March 31, 2020
Inspiring
Encouraging people to tell their truth, be their truth, live their truth !! I recommend this to anyone who feels lost and looking for themselves, their true SELF.
Encouraging people to tell their truth, be their truth, live their truth !! I recommend this to anyone who feels lost and looking for themselves, their true SELF.
June 25, 2020
Enough to get me off of Kundalini....
November 16, 2021
Wow...... incredibly powerful
This book was written from the heart. At times I felt my heart break for her and other times I was cheering her on.
This book was written from the heart. At times I felt my heart break for her and other times I was cheering her on.
November 6, 2023
Such an important read, especially for yogis.
January 28, 2024
Believable Truth
I was very touched and intrigued by Premka’s story and I thank her for speaking her truth of her experience.
I was very touched and intrigued by Premka’s story and I thank her for speaking her truth of her experience.
May 5, 2025
Beautifully written. Rest in hell yogi bhajan
May 6, 2024
White Bird In A Golden Cage: My Life With Yogi Bhajan takes you inside the compound to the inner circle of a popular faith. It is the author's spiritual journey into the Sikh tradition as taught by her guru, but it also describes her bittersweet sexual and emotionally fraught relationship with him. She became a respected, indispensable leader in the organization, but even so, she felt that she was imprisoned in a gilded cage, and denied the emotional satisfaction she craved. eventually, she revolted, stood up to him, and demanded her independence. With this, she found happiness with a husband and the birth of a child.
This was personal to me too. My long interest in yogic spiritual paths led me to a casual study of the mantra practices of the 3HO organization, founded by Yogi Bhajan, and several of my friends became more deeply involved with the community. A former lover was also married into the group, but as with so many spiritual leaders of every faith, I heard rumors that the strict veneer of monogamy hid a more sexually promiscuous behavior. Much later, after meeting a married American devotee of the group. I even had the opportunity to participate in an orgy with her, sanctioned by her Indian husband. While I don’t presume such practices were commonplace within the group it helped open my eyes to the counterproductive futility of trying to impose such restrictive rules on human beings.
This was personal to me too. My long interest in yogic spiritual paths led me to a casual study of the mantra practices of the 3HO organization, founded by Yogi Bhajan, and several of my friends became more deeply involved with the community. A former lover was also married into the group, but as with so many spiritual leaders of every faith, I heard rumors that the strict veneer of monogamy hid a more sexually promiscuous behavior. Much later, after meeting a married American devotee of the group. I even had the opportunity to participate in an orgy with her, sanctioned by her Indian husband. While I don’t presume such practices were commonplace within the group it helped open my eyes to the counterproductive futility of trying to impose such restrictive rules on human beings.
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