I swear! I try to be brief in my reviews, I try to be less critical, but some authors have made it practically impossible. And this story? It's just another one with pathetic, weak, selfish and despicable characters. See for yourself: (Natalie is the OW)
"I’m pregnant.”
The emotion in their faces, the depths of their gazes unsettles me. It pulls back the curtain on a past I know little about and reveals inklings of a future that punches me forcefully in the stomach.
I was going to tell Eli I loved him. Am in love with him.
And now…now it looks like Natalie’s going to say the words residing in my soul before I have a chance to
......................
“Natalie’s baby isn’t mine. I’m not the father.”
“Why was she in your room?”
“She sent me a message when she landed. It was only a few hours ago. I told her we’d talk tomorrow but then she called when she got here.”
“And you jumped to her rescue.” I can’t keep the derision from my tone.
“Things with Natalie…they’ve always been complicated.
.....................
“Yeah. Why the hell was Natalie here, Holt?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Everything with Natalie is complicated.”
“What do you want me to say, Harlow? There’s a history there. I can’t just turn my back on her.”
“She needs me,” I offer by way of explanation, the constant guilt I feel about Natalie ballooning in my chest.
Harlow plants a hand on her hip, her eyes fierce. “Did you ever consider that maybe Zoe needs you too?”
.........
“What are you doing here, Natalie?” I repeat, my voice hard.
“I need to talk to you, Eli. I need…I need you.” She glances up, naked innocence in her expression. A long time ago, I fell head over heels in love with Natalie Beck.
Staring into her open face and cornflower blue eyes, I sigh, my anger whooshing out of me as quickly as it escalated. “I’m right here,” I say the words without considering them.
“Seriously?” Harlow mutters, stalking off.
“Natalie, are you okay?”
She shakes her head. I hate the red that rims her eyes. She’s been crying. Her skin is blotchy, the tip of her nose red. She doesn’t look anything like the Natalie I remember…and still I want to protect her.
She’s not yours anymore.
But do you ever completely give up on the first person who made you feel everything at once? Do you ever walk away from your past entirely?
“Find me after shooting today. We’ll talk.” I gently squeeze her shoulder.
“I will.” Her voice is small, timid. So different than I remember.
An irrational surge of anger sweeps through me as my gaze collides with Gray’s. Did he make her worse? Did their divorce shred her the way she once shredded me?
Why do I even care? Why do I still want to wrap my arms around her and shield her from herself?
......
“It’s lobular carcinoma in situ.”Dr. Salinas explains as I grip the phone against my ear.
“Cancer,” I murmur, my heart falling to my feet.
However, given your BRCA results and your family history, your results are more alarming than someone without increased odds.”
Given your situation, you may wish to consider a prophylactic mastectomy.”
“I’m already considering a prophylactic oophorectomy. What the hell kind of a woman will I be? No boobs, no ovaries, no family.”
Unable to commit to the man I love. Unable to give him the one thing he wants more than anything in the world. Unable to live up to my own biological purpose.
......
Why did I think I could do this? Work with him and not be with him? Be near him but not the way I desire?
(...)
He’s not looking at me. For the first time since we’ve met, his gaze is taken with something else. His expression transforms from surly to almost beaming as he looks over my shoulder.
“Hey babe.” He lifts a hand in greeting.
Dread drops into the pit of my stomach and my shoulders tense. Without even turning around, I know who it is.
It has to be her. Natalie Beck.
Eli moves to stand beside her, his palm skimming the small of her back. “I’m done now. Hungry?”
She nods, offering him a quick grin before turning back to me. “Are you going to introduce us, Eli?” I can tell she doesn’t recognize me. Why would she? I was sopping wet in a stolen robe the last time she saw me, and the time before that, I was thirteen.
He falters, and for the briefest of moments I see hesitation sweep over his features. He knows that I know her. He knows she was the person my mom liked in her final days.
“Babe, this is my trainer, Zoe. Zoe, this is Natalie.” He stares at me, his eyes hard and daring. A challenge.
.......
“Who’s the baby’s father?”
“Gray.”
“You guys are divorced.”
“We’d been trying for two years,” Natalie continues, her voice wavering. “Fertility specialists, hormone treatments, two miscarriages. I thought God was punishing me, you know?” She dips her head before her gaze returns to me. The hurt that swirls there cuts at me and I swear, reaching out a hand to cover hers.
Natalie wants to be taken care of. She wants to be shielded and protected. Zoe wants to prove herself. To be taken seriously. They’re so different and yet, they both spit lies that make my heart turn to a lump of shaved ice in my chest.
........
“I thought God was punishing me for having an abortion. I was young, Eli. And scared.”
“I could have been there for you,”
“No. You would have convinced me to keep the baby.”
“Would that have been so terrible?” I ask the question that has kept me up at night for years. Why didn’t she want our baby? How could she terminate our pregnancy?
“I was planning to break up with you,” she whispers, her body tight.
“What?”
“I wanted to end it. Then I found out I was pregnant.” Her eyes fill with tears, one slipping over to glide down her cheek. “I felt like I was suffocating. I know you, Eli. You would have talked me into keeping the baby, into being a family. I didn’t want that, so I didn’t tell you.”
.......
“That’s why you’re here? For Gray?”
“I’m here for my family.”
Hurt scrapes against my heart at that. She’s here for the family she wants, not the one she callously discarded.
Seeing the love flash across her face for the tiny miracle inside of her, they die on my lips.
I know what it’s like to yearn for a child. I know what it feels like to want the expression she’s wearing right now.
I know, and I won’t take that away from her.
“I need to tell Gray the truth. About the abortion.” “I want you to tell him with me. I need your help.”
“Jesus, Natalie.” I hang my head, confusion rocking through me. Is she really asking me to help her convince her ex-husband to give her a chance at raising their child together? I glance back up, meet her glistening blue eyes.
I blow out a breath. Leaning back, I cross my arms over my chest and stare at the woman I once thought made up my whole world.
The word is on the tip of my tongue. I should tell her no, push back my chair, and slip from the restaurant. I don’t owe Natalie anything, especially after all the years of her lies and all the times I’ve cleaned up her messes. But staring at her, all the selfish things she’s done to hurt me fade away, and I still see the woman I once gave my heart to. That woman is the one I want to help. The sober, trying, mother-to-be. “Fine.”
.....
Keep your thoughts of professionalism and friendship to yourself, Zoe. I could still have you naked and writhing beneath me in three seconds if I wanted to. I just don’t want you anymore.” He turns, chuckling as he leaves the beach.
.....
I glance between Natalie and Gray again. It stings like a bitch. Their love for each other is so damn obvious, and watching their interactions is a painful reminder that, even divorced, they have what Natalie and I never had, even when I thought we did.
......
My heart sinks to my toes and I fist the hem of my shirt. The indifference in his tone skates over my skin in flurries, not cold enough to sting but present enough to warn of impending winter.
“Hey.” His face brightens, his eyes losing that faraway distance he holds onto when speaking to me.
She’s here. Again.
How can Eli forgive her for not telling him she was aborting his child but he can’t forgive me for not wanting to be his girlfriend?
..........................
But Zoe knows we share a history. If I were to draw upon that knowledge, her jealousy, in this moment to produce a kick-ass scene, well, that’s all part of my job, isn’t it?
Brooke’s hand reaches for me, cupping my cheek as I gaze longingly into her eyes. Her lips part, the smallest breath escaping as her eyes cloud with a lust so deep, it’s almost believable.
I lose myself in the moment.
Seeing amber irises instead of midnight, violet streaks instead of black, my mouth arcs over hers, her lips soft and warm. Her hands trail down the sides of my body until her nails pierce my ribs, and she arches into me. I slant my mouth, taking from her greedily, hungrily. My hands, shadowing her hips moments ago, now grip her tightly, erasing the space between us until air ceases to exist.
Her breasts press into my chest as a sweet moan drops from her lips. She’s nearly breathless, and I’m losing my limp grasp on reality. Brooke disappears, the periphery of her frame blurring, as my Violet blossoms in front of me.I inhale her coconut scent. My fingers weave through her hair and anchor her head so I can deepen our kiss. The sounds she makes when I’m working her over ring in my mind like a symphony.
My skin burns under her touch. My mouth clashes with hers, taking, taking, taking. My heart gallops in my chest as I move over her, our bodies acting out the natural rhythm that’s prevailed for centuries.
The breeze rustles over my back, the sea whispers around us. The entire set falls away. Everything stops except for this moment.
.....
“Because I love you, Violet. And I know you love me.” (...) "And I’m going to prove it."
.....
“It’s like an early marker for breast cancer,”
“Is that what happened? What changed between us?”
I nod, forcing a swallow as his eyes swell with hurt.
“And you didn’t…you never thought to confide in me?” His voice strengthens now, his hand slapping against his chest hard enough to leave a red streak. “I could have…Jesus Christ, I would have been here for you.”
......
“I couldn’t risk it.”
“Risk what?”
“Your future. Your film.”
“Fuck that, Zoe. Fuck the movie. And what the hell kind of logic is that?"
......
“Where they remove your breasts?”
“Yes. And possibly an oophorectomy to also remove my ovaries.”
......
“I’ll make some calls this morning. I think it may be best for you to go home.”
“You should be with family right now. Your dad, Charlie…” He trails off, moving to the door and sliding into his sneakers.
“Eli.” My tone is begging.
Please don’t leave like this.
“I don’t want to talk right now, Zoe. I can’t.”
.......
“I don’t deserve her. I never have. All this time, I’ve been making her jealous, blowing her off, messing with her head. And why? Because I felt like she scorned me? She’s…Jesus, she’s trying to manage a diagnosis like…” I trail off, my voice breaking. Turning away from Harlow, I hang my head. “I don’t fucking deserve her.”
........
“I can’t focus with you here. It’s too much. You, the worrying, the drama on set. I look at you and I want to protect you and fix everything, and I can’t. I need you to go.”
“I need you to go home, Zoe. It’s what’s best for you, for the movie, for everyone.”
“So you were saying goodbye? You made me believe in a future for us…for what? Just so you could take away my hope?”
Her words slaughter my heart, making me hate myself with an intensity that scorches me from the inside out. “I’m a selfish man, Zoe. I always have been. And I don’t fucking deserve you. Please, baby, just take care of yourself.”
.........
“And Zoe? Have you heard from her?”
“No.” I clear my throat. It shouldn’t bother me that Zoe hasn’t messaged me or reached out at all. I made her leave. I essentially let her go.
.......
“Have you talked to Zoe at all?”
“No,” I rasp out.
“It’s her dad,” Harlow rushes to explain, her hand outstretched. “I spoke to Zoe last night. She’s worried about her dad. The doctors have given him six months or so before he loses the rest of his vision.”
......
Eli: Hey. I heard about your dad and just wanted to see how you’re doing? I’m really sorry the news blows so hard. Thinking of you. If you want to talk, hit me up.
(...)
I’ve called Zoe three times and she hasn’t answered.
Shit. Did I already blow it because it took me so long to respond to her text?
After shooting for hours, I came back to my room and passed out. I forgot all about my phone, which I’d left on the couch. In fact, I forgot where I left it at all.
“I forgot to message her last night.” I admit.
"Jesus, what if I pushed her into the arms of another man because I didn’t answer her goddamn message?"
WAIT! WAIT! I REALLY READ THIS??HE THINKS HE MAY HAVE PUSHED HER TO ANOTHER BECAUSE HE DIDN'T ANSWER THE MESSAGE ?? WHAT ABOUT YOU ARE YOU AN IDIOT, EGOIST WITHOUT CONSIDERATION ??😤🤬
......
“Tell me what you need.”
“A miracle,” she whispers.
“How about a friend?”
“Friends would be nice.”
Just because wesaid we’d be friends doesn’t mean a friendship effortlessly blossoms between us.
No, that’d be too damn easy. And ridiculous. Instead, a hesitant and tentative testing of the waters occurs.
She doctors up photos of me printed in Gossip or some other magazine, adding Devil’s horns and a crazy moustache and forwards it to me. Or, whenever I’m pictured with a new love interest, she decorates it in wild hearts. She laughs at my jokes, asks questions about my workouts, inquiries about the film, and wishes me luck on my scenes.🤦♀️🤦♀️
.......
AAAAND I'M DONE WITH THIS SHIT! So this asshole has an ex who purposely aborted their son and for years he was unable to turn his back for her but when HE DISCOVERS THAT THE WOMAN HE "SUPPOSEDLY" LOVES HAS CANCER HE TURNS HIS BACK FOR HER AND THIS IS FOR HER OWNS GOOD?? WHAT KIND OF PATHETIC EXCUSE IS THAT?? OH NOOOO THIS IS BECAUSE BOOOHOOO "I DON'T DESERVE HER"😭!And when he finds out that her father is going to go blind what does he do ?? Yep, he sends her a message! Wow! How much consideration! Of course, the DOORMAT soon responds to him, but do you think he was worried about returning it?? NOOOOP, he was more concerned with interviews, drinks and parties 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️And her own friend saying that he turned his back on her because he cared so much about her and was terrified ?? Is that what you should expect from a man who says he loves you ?? No, this you expect from an excuse for a cowardly and selfish human being who was clearly much more concerned with solving his ex's problems than being with the woman he says he loves in the moment of life that she most needed. He only decided to look for her after he heard that she had fainted, and only decided to stay by her side after he found out she was pregnant with the son he so wanted to have with OW.🤢🤮I'm sorry, but if the author intended to show that h was more valuable to H than a receptacle for the son he always wanted, then she failed miserably.😒