The Mating Game: How Gender Still Shapes How We Date

by Ellen Lamont

Despite enormous changes in patterns of dating and courtship in twenty-first-century America, contemporary understandings of romance and intimacy remain firmly rooted in age-old assumptions of gender difference. These tenacious beliefs now vie with cultural messages of gender equality that stress independence, self-development, and egalitarian practices in public and private life.

Through interviews with heterosexual and LGBTQ individuals, Ellen Lamont’s The Mating Game explores how people with diverse sexualities and gender identities date, form romantic relationships, and make decisions about future commitments as they negotiate uncertain terrain fraught with competing messages about gender, sexuality, and intimacy.

Genres: Sociology, Psychology, Nonfiction, Relationships

248 pages, Hardcover

Published February 18, 2020

About the author

Ellen Lamont is Assistant Professor of Sociology at Appalachian State University.

Reviews

[Jessica Orrell · Rating 3 out of 5]

*Read for SOCY1024*
This book was alright. Basically just demonstrates that people who say they are egalitarian and value egalitarian relationships still conform to gendered roles and argues that we should attempt to further break out of gendered scripts about what is “normative” for men and women. Also suggests that heterosexual couples should learn from queer couples that are more creative, flexible, and willing to adapt with their relationship preferences.

All the interviews in the book are hilarious, so I commend it for that. I will say, this book was written about couples in the Bay Area, so I’m not entirely sure how generalizable it is.

[Susan Lamont · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cultural messages get in the way of our ability to solve many problems we face. This is particularly true of the messages about our "romantic" relationships. Heterosexual couples are limiting themselves through norms designed to keep men and women in assigned roles which do not serve them nor the more egalitarian society many of us desire. Through interviews with both heterosexual and LGBTQ couples, "The Mating Game" explores the ways in which we can break free.

This book is already available through the publisher and it is also available in paperback.

[Shelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

The contrast between heterosexual and queer couples was fascinating.