All You Have to Do Is Ask: How to Master the Most Important Skill for Success

by Wayne E. Baker

A set of tools for mastering the one skill standing between us and success: the ability to ask for the things we need to succeed.

Imagine you’re on a deadline for a big project, and feeling overwhelmed. Or you're looking for a job, but can't seem to get your foot in the door. Or you're dying for tickets to a sold out concert, and all your leads have gone cold.

What do these problems have in common? They can all be solved simply by reaching out to a colleague, friend, or wider network and making an ask.

Studies show that asking for help makes us better and less frustrated at our jobs. It helps us find new opportunities and new talent. It unlocks new ideas and solutions, and enhances team performance. And it helps us get the things we need outside the workplace as well. And yet, we rarely give ourselves permission to ask. Luckily, the research shows that asking—and getting—what we need is much easier than we tend to think.

Here, Wayne Baker shares a set of strategies—used at companies like Google, GM, and IDEO—that individuals, teams, and leaders can use to make asking for help a personal and organizational habit, including:

• A quiz to identify your asking-giving style
• SMART criteria for who, when, and how to ask
• “Plug-and-play ” routines that make requests a standard component of meetings
• Mini-games that incentivize asking within teams
• The Reciprocity Ring, a guided activity that allows people to tap into the giving power of a network

Picking up where the bestselling book Give and Take left off, All You Have to Do Is Ask shows us how to ignite the cycle of giving and receiving by asking for the things we need.

Genres: Business, Nonfiction, Self Help, Leadership, Personal Development, Psychology, Communication

240 pages, Hardcover

Published January 14, 2020

About the author

Wayne Baker is Robert P. Thome Professor of Business Administration and Professor of Management and Organizations at the University of Michigan Ross School of Business and Professor of Sociology at the University of Michigan. He currently serves as Faculty Associate at the Institute for Social Research and Faculty Director of the Center for Positive Organizations. Baker is a frequent guest speaker, management consultant, and advisor and board member of Give and Take, Inc., developers of the Givitas collaborative technology platform. He has published numerous scholarly papers, four books, and articles appearing in Harvard Business Review, Chief Executive magazine, and MIT Sloan Management Review. He earned his Ph.D. from Northwestern University and was a post-doctoral research fellow at Harvard University. He resides with his wife, son, and Birman cat in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Reviews

[Tim Hughes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having read Deb Calvert’s book “DISCOVER Questions Get You Connected: for professional sellers” I thought that was all I needed to know about asking questions. Deb Calvert’s book is great for salespeople, where as, “All You Have to Do Is Ask” is about a strategy on asking questions.

When I was at University, I was given a piece of advice, which was to ask questions. I would have never got though the course if I hadn’t asked questions. There are so many things we don’t understand in this world, there is also help we can get from other people. So let’s not just sit there, let’s ask questions, let’s ask people for help. That’s want this book is all about.

How can you get things done in life? By asking questions. Regardless of your objectives and your goals, there are people out that that can and will help. Wayne Barker also takes you through group exercises that can be used to increase the efficiency and effectiveness of teams, through asking questions. There are also guidelines for new starters and why they need to ask questions.

[RMSOX · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wayne Baker’s book “All You Have To Do Is Ask” is a book focused around common sense. But not common sense of the generic kind, rather that which makes the reader recognize in plain black & white what tools you have at your disposal to succeed in both life and work.

Much to my surprise, through this book I realized that I was an overly generous giver, meaning I’m typically more willing to provide help than to ask for help. Baker’s common sense approach to addressing the four types of givers and requesters struck a nerve with me. And made me really think about why I have been so willing to give and yet hesitant to ask. I got my answer and a shot in the arm to address this. My guess is the majority of readers will find significant value in how they interact with their co-workers, family, and friends.

[Shellye Archambeau]

Wayne provides practical straight-forward advice on how to ask for what you want and need. His approaches help people overcome their fear, inertia and lack of understanding. Highly recommend.

[Srikantadatta Tagadur · Rating 3 out of 5]

I started reading this book as I wanted to know the nuances and intricacies involved in making a successful request. Generally there is a lot of stigma and judgement involved on people who tend to ask for help. This judging can be attributed to the conditioning that we grow up with, we are always told that giving is the greatest virtue and asking is something that one looks down upon. I personally had to overcome all these preconceived notions before becoming comfortable in asking. Though I won’t say I have reached my destination I can confidently say that the journey has begun and I can see my destination ahead. This book has definitely helped me shed light on so many areas which we fail to notice on a daily basis and has enlightened me on many simple techniques which can be easily practiced on a daily basis. The author has definitely conducted extensive research in this area and is very passionate about his cause of helping people become confident and comfortable in asking for help when required. The author makes his point with the help of numerous anecdotes from real life scenarios where people successfully solved their problems by reaching out to their network and asking for help. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who is finding it difficult to reach out for help when required. The only thing which I felt was overdone in the book is the repetition of similar scenarios. The author always resorted to real life examples and case studies to prove his point. I personally felt that the use of case studies was slightly overdone and they became a bit repetitive towards the end. Apart from this I totally learnt a lot and gained new insights into the art of asking.

[Howard · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a workbook as well as a presentation of the ideas. I feel this adds value that is lacking from many business books. However, it also lacks a bit of the narrative feel that allows a reader to get into most modern business books. I feel this trade off is worth it. I can see myself referring to this book many times. I already have many new ideas that will be trying in my personal and work life. A practical and useful read.

[Kathy Cowie · Rating 3 out of 5]

To be reviewed in the 2020 March-April issue of Global Business and Organizational Excellence.

[Bianca A. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found myself struggling with self-studying and decided to give a shot to various approaches when it came to achieving success. Although I'm reading this book at a stage in my life when I'm way past the fear of asking for help, it is still a useful reminder and a relevant lesson to propagate in the world through literature.
It was interesting to read about the example that involved the baby born in Romania since I am from Romania myself and learning about the Reciprocity Ring concept. The book contains many other examples that highlight in a cozy way the benefits of asking for help and never assuming or taking for granted opportunities. I enjoyed seeing statistics as a means to backup statements made in the book, together with discussing it from the perspective of a company and its culture instead of sticking exclusively to the personal aspects of the individual. I was a bit surprised to learn that lone wolves are the weakest in the giving-asking style, since I partially considered myself to be one, but was refreshed by the tools to create a psychologically safe workplace.
A well-rounded book, with vocabulary that reminds me of my college days, partially lacking novelty but still managing to be useful, I decided to rate it a 3/5 stars.

[Quinns Pheh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Expressing our needs has multiple benefits. One of them being in the workplace, we become more effective at our jobs. Secondly, it opens up fresh opportunities. Third, simply asking for help could assist us adapt better and quicker to new circumstances. On top of that, it boosts team performance and creativity. So next time you need help, don’t hesitate to reach out.

[Zhivko Kabaivanov · Rating 4 out of 5]

All You Have to Do Is Ask (2020) provides a set of tools that will help you improve your ability to ask for the things that contribute to success. It identifies eight main obstacles that stop us from making requests and examines how they can be overcome or circumvented.

[Celeste D · Rating 3 out of 5]

Many anecdotes. More than I needed.

The most useful point is that a request should be SMART:
Specific
Meaningful
Action-oriented
Realistic
Time-oriented

[Kerry Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won an Advanced Reader Copy of this book via a Goodreads Giveaway. Thank you!

This guide promotes the positive impact of balancing both giving and receiving assistance and the power of the ask - you never know until you do, and your network might have resources or connections you aren’t aware of that can help you get where you want to go.

It provides practical tips for how to implement the principals described both personally and professionally, which bumps this up to 4 stars from 3. I recommend reading it to get ideas to build stronger teams and create a better work culture. Can’t hurt, might help right? I’m looking forward to trying some of it myself.

[Zumrud Huseynova · Rating 2 out of 5]

May be it will be valuable for someone who is at the beginning of their journey of asking, but definitely not for the seasoned professionals.

[John Wimmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

We recieved the book, "All You Have to do is Ask", by author Wayne Baker in a Goodreads giveaway, and it was good. The book covers the business communication concept, advice. The author points out that keeping the boss satisfied is a key towards success. And the easiest way to keep the boss happy, is to ask for good advice. Communication in the office should flow freely, and add purpose to our goals. Well recommended for all ages

[S · Rating 2 out of 5]

Review for self:
Most of these books you can distill down to a chapter - this one, the author is forthright and there's not too much more gleaned from reading the book - Just Ask - seriously, just ask for help - and not just when you are desperate.

Hey, it takes a village.

[B]

oo i really want to read this book

[Roy Chua · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think as a whole the author's message is short and succinct, it is a short book and didn't take long to read. But, as with most self help books, I found the earlier chapters to be have been sufficient in bringing the message across.

All you have to do is ask. What I also liked about his approach is how he conveys his points with little experiments. For example, he asked people how many people it would take to ask before you could borrow a cellphone to make a call? The answer they gave and the actual result of asking people vastly differed.

I thought one particular chapter in the book really intrigued me, about the laws of giving and receiving. The society as a whole recognises giving as an important virtue, all the talk about giving back to society and underprivileged. But little has been said about the importance of receiving, if giving is a virtue, should there also be virtue in receiving? A point to remember is that "there is no giving without receiving and no receiving without giving". That said, I think most of us are givers by nature more than receivers, I myself included (he made a little questionnaire for you to find out), and so we can actually help ourselves by being on the receiving end a little more often.

The later part of the book was a bit more organisational and corporate, which is no surprise considering the author is a professor of a business school. Good points and initiatives, which I feel managers can consider implementing in their workplaces to make people feel a little better going to work. One interesting point I picked out was how important it is to not draw the line between personal life and work, people can build relationships better knowing personal aspects of the other party sometimes.

[Ashutosh Upadhyay · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book in brief-

Asking for help is as important as giving help. If we don’t ask, others will not understand our needs and may not be able to help us.1 may not the expert but he may know the expert who can help us. In research, it is found that a lot of people help the strangers in many ways. Google in his research found that if employees are free to ask for help and to admit mistakes, it provides psychological safety and promotes creativity and innovation in the organization. One way to promote this culture in an organization is 15 minutes stand-up where team members stand in a circle and everyone takes a turn to give a brief and to ask for help. Everyone answers the following questions- what did I work on yesterday? what am I doing today? what issues are blocking me? what help do i need? A better way to ask for help is to make our request using SMART criteria.SMART stands for specific, meaningful, action-oriented, realistic, and time-bound. We shouldn’t take rejection personally, because it is just personal opinion and opinion can be wrong.
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[Thomas Kelley · Rating 3 out of 5]

With these self-help or learn to do thing better books it is my belief there is always something to learn. With the first twenty percent of this book it felt like an infomercial or one of those buy buy buy commercials the way it kept saying that there would be things touted later in the book. I would have rated this book at 3.5 stars . The premise of the book is you have to get away from being afraid to ask for help, nobdy wants to look like they are incompetent but in the end it could be devastating to your group company or project if you or members of your group do not reach out. This book covers the benefits of asking for help and the main reasons we do not we are to self-reliant. It gives you examples that other groups and businesses use such as using Social capital, Reciprocity rings and Ask Circles. At the end of the chapters it will give you questions that will help you.

[Lorraine · Rating 2 out of 5]

A good example of a business book that "could have been an article." Most of the book's point is in the title. It's the encouragement to ask for what you need, because you're more likely to get what you need than you think, even if the request is big. Or so the author suggests, offering a few monumental examples as proof. True, but just because on a few occasions there are amazing examples didn't mean this is a law, though to be sure, you get even less if you don't ask at all.
The "tool" her provides for getting clear on your need is not much different than a typical goal sheet, and like with goals, it uses the SMART acronym. Nothing new there, either.
The program he developed works, and probably works really well, especially with people who have connections and time. Does it translate into a compelling book? No. But, all you have to do is ask.

[C.A. Gray]

For what this is I'm sure it's very good. It's well written. I wouldn't have picked it up except that it was recommended to me by someone who I guess thinks I need the message (heh), but I suppose I have a mental block. I don't like it when I feel like those with whom I have personal relationships presume upon them to get something they want out of me -- it makes me feel used. I therefore don't want to do that to other people. I don't doubt that people will do a lot of favors just because they are asked, but do they resent it, I wonder? Maybe it should be their problem if they do... I don't know. Maybe I have a mental block here. But I stopped reading.

[Cariadne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Blessedly, this is not an overly long book and an easy read. With the chapter formatting clearly labeled, I felt I could easily skip around and not feel out of place for not reading this chronologically (Read Chapters 1 & 2, then jumped to 7 because of a Recognition Program I was working on, then back to read 3-6) -- not an easy thing for some of the business-based research-like books out there.

No groundbreaking insights, however, or any real tools that help you "Master the Most Important Skill for Success." Just examples and info to back-up the age-old wisdom on the importance of asking.

[Jess Estrada · Rating 4 out of 5]

I approached reading this with a management lens and found it helpful in understanding how to coach others not just in asking, but in understanding the giving and receiving cycle, expressing gratitude, and how to think through articulating an ask. I also learned about myself along the way too! I can always learn how to be better.

There are plenty of self-promotional parts, but that’s par for the course for business development books.

[Scott Wozniak · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a big idea, but the book doesn't need to be this long. Slight variations on the same theme. I love the long form concept, but for this one, I recommend the executive summary: learning how to collaborate with others is one of the super-skills that helps every part of your life. Ask for people to speak into your projects, problems and possibilities--and offer your help to others as well. Not only will you get more done, but people will actually like you more and you'll even live longer.

[Katy Rodríguez Botello · Rating 4 out of 5]

Le doy 4 estrellas porque la primera mitad del libro realmente me hizo tener un momento de revelación sobre mi forma de pedir y dar ayuda en el trabajo. Pienso que practicando algunas de las herramientas descritas realmente puedo mejorar ese skill a nivel personal y también me llevo una o dos herramientas para utilizar con mi equipo. Pero la segunda mitad del libro honestamente me iba saltando partes y no la encontré tan interesante. Si pudiera le daba 3.5 estrellas en lugar de 4.

[Simon Hohenadl · Rating 3 out of 5]

A valid add-on to Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success. It also builds on the idea on psychological safety explained in other books.

[Joana Matos · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely an important book. The idea of asking for help seems daunting for most people and we end up missing out on an opportunity to allow others to do something for us. I personally love helping people out but resist asking for help. I see things differently now and will practice asking more often. :)

[Daniel Bastardo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Asking for help and being grateful are two essential skills for success. Baker writes about the importance of fostering a culture of asking for help in the work environment and how leaders can build such a culture. Although not particularly groundbreaking, this is an enjoyable book to read, and I recommend it to people’s managers.

[A Van · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ok ideas of you're part of a bigger organization, not for the small business person

A lot of the concepts work great if you have a large organization. Not that many ideas for the small business person.

[Craig Lemasters · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great resource for leaders who need guidance on how to ask for help at work. Baker provides plenty of evidence to reassure readers that asking for help is possible, will work, and is an overall positive thing to do!

[Allan Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book for team leaders to share with their teams. Written before Covid, and now more useful than ever...especially the tools section. If you don't read whole books, get this one and just read the tools.