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Dreaming Me
An American Buddhist scholar recalls her incredible journey from an impoverished, segregated, Alabama mining town to the mist-shrouded mystical mountains of Nepal and a career as a professor of religion at Weslyan University. Reprint.
336 pages, Paperback
First published April 2, 2001
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
August 7, 2016
Okay, how often has this happened to you? You're walking through the library stacks, or the bookstore, and suddenly a book catches your eye. You pick it up, say, "Hmmmm, this looks interesting." and you bring it home, and it's awesome! That's precisely what happened to me with "Dreaming Me: From Baptist to Buddhist, One Woman's Spiritual Journey".
Like many people, I have been intrigued by Buddhism and those who practice it. And, like many, I've dabbled into reading about it, watching videos about people who live as Buddhists, and attempting meditation and/or yoga practice, thinking of these as a means of dipping a toe into the Eastern spiritual waters.
But what would it be like to actually devote years of your life to the true study and practice of Buddhism, to be taught by Lamas and then in turn teach Westerners about the Buddhist religion? Now, imagine doing this after growing up in the Jim Crow south, experiencing racism and segregated schools, marching with King in Birmingham, having a cross burned on your front lawn because you've been accepted to Cornell, and taking over your college administration building with the Black Panthers. This is what Jan Willis has done. Her memoir is, of course, about much more than Buddhism. Her life story is unique and captivating.
Some of my favorite passages:
"Unrelenting questions pummeled my mind: Was I ready to be shot and killed by Alameida County Police? Was I ready to serve a prison term..... Would any of my activities really help to turn things around in this country? No matter, wasn't it time to stand up? Wasn't it time to stop pleading for justice and to take up a gun and demand it? A piece or peace? The questions literally shook my mind." p.128
"My choices could not have been farther apart, and no assurances of success were offered by either. I had always been a good girl, eager to please. I had always shunned the limelight, knowing since early childhood that conspicuousness brings with it danger. It was not in my nature to desire to fight back; the day the Klan showed up, I had wanted to talk. I sought the more peaceful path." p. 128
"Keeping silent has an uncanny way of sharpening one's other senses. During the early days of my meditations, especially during break times, I found my sense of vision in particular to be greatly enhanced. I began to take special note of the birds that came each day......I noticed that each bird, though the same species, had its own distinctive face, body, and idiosyncracies. I noticed. I took notice. I was astounded: each one was different...... Lama Yeshe had continually reminded me to relax. I found that relaxing with the birds was a joy beyond measure. Wasn't this the same bliss the Christian mystics had spoken of? For the first time, I felt I had some understanding of the great joy and peace that St. Francis enjoyed with God's creatures. This kind of peacefulness was not limited to Buddhism." p. 220,221
"Tantric Buddhism offers methods for transformation, but change doesn't happen overnight. It is a gradual process. When I look back at myself, at the timid and insecure self that first arrived before Lama Yeshe, I can clearly see how I have changed, how I have become less fearful and more competent and capable. These changes occurred in small increments and over some time. The point is to allow them to happen, without grasping and attachement; to have faith that positive change will come and, in the meantime, to try to be gentle with yourself. It was like this for all the Buddhas throughout the ages. They were each, at the beginning of their journeys, beings just like us: tossed and pummeled by ordinary fears, worries, and insecurities. And yet, with steady and patient practice, they each became Awakened Ones. They have given us a model of moderation to follow. If we practice as they did, who knows? We might just become the next Buddhas." p. 226
Like many people, I have been intrigued by Buddhism and those who practice it. And, like many, I've dabbled into reading about it, watching videos about people who live as Buddhists, and attempting meditation and/or yoga practice, thinking of these as a means of dipping a toe into the Eastern spiritual waters.
But what would it be like to actually devote years of your life to the true study and practice of Buddhism, to be taught by Lamas and then in turn teach Westerners about the Buddhist religion? Now, imagine doing this after growing up in the Jim Crow south, experiencing racism and segregated schools, marching with King in Birmingham, having a cross burned on your front lawn because you've been accepted to Cornell, and taking over your college administration building with the Black Panthers. This is what Jan Willis has done. Her memoir is, of course, about much more than Buddhism. Her life story is unique and captivating.
Some of my favorite passages:
"Unrelenting questions pummeled my mind: Was I ready to be shot and killed by Alameida County Police? Was I ready to serve a prison term..... Would any of my activities really help to turn things around in this country? No matter, wasn't it time to stand up? Wasn't it time to stop pleading for justice and to take up a gun and demand it? A piece or peace? The questions literally shook my mind." p.128
"My choices could not have been farther apart, and no assurances of success were offered by either. I had always been a good girl, eager to please. I had always shunned the limelight, knowing since early childhood that conspicuousness brings with it danger. It was not in my nature to desire to fight back; the day the Klan showed up, I had wanted to talk. I sought the more peaceful path." p. 128
"Keeping silent has an uncanny way of sharpening one's other senses. During the early days of my meditations, especially during break times, I found my sense of vision in particular to be greatly enhanced. I began to take special note of the birds that came each day......I noticed that each bird, though the same species, had its own distinctive face, body, and idiosyncracies. I noticed. I took notice. I was astounded: each one was different...... Lama Yeshe had continually reminded me to relax. I found that relaxing with the birds was a joy beyond measure. Wasn't this the same bliss the Christian mystics had spoken of? For the first time, I felt I had some understanding of the great joy and peace that St. Francis enjoyed with God's creatures. This kind of peacefulness was not limited to Buddhism." p. 220,221
"Tantric Buddhism offers methods for transformation, but change doesn't happen overnight. It is a gradual process. When I look back at myself, at the timid and insecure self that first arrived before Lama Yeshe, I can clearly see how I have changed, how I have become less fearful and more competent and capable. These changes occurred in small increments and over some time. The point is to allow them to happen, without grasping and attachement; to have faith that positive change will come and, in the meantime, to try to be gentle with yourself. It was like this for all the Buddhas throughout the ages. They were each, at the beginning of their journeys, beings just like us: tossed and pummeled by ordinary fears, worries, and insecurities. And yet, with steady and patient practice, they each became Awakened Ones. They have given us a model of moderation to follow. If we practice as they did, who knows? We might just become the next Buddhas." p. 226
January 28, 2018
What an amazing life and so inspiring. I've seen her speak a couple of times and she's quite the presence. It is hard to put this down.
March 16, 2015
The subtitle is deceptively linear.
Black Panthers. Tibetan Buddhists. The (ongoing) fight for racial equality for Black Americans.
I don't always find "spiritual autobiographies" inspiring, but this one was.
"What does one do when the oppressor's blood courses in one's own veins? How could I run away from myself? How to make peace with such horrific origins?....Given such history, the questioning of origins, though painful, was unavoidable" (p. 13).
"'Again,' [the Dalai Lama] said, 'Patience is most important. But if you are certain there is no other alternative [to violent action], if you are clear and certain about this, then what you must do is this: First, you must think lovingly and with compassion about the policeman. If you think or call him a pig, then you must let him shoot you! But if you can wish him well, and pray for his future happy rebirth, then of course, you can stop him from harming the others. You can stop him by any means necessary.' We were relieved and amazed" (p. 182).
"Though we all possess innate purity, clarity, strength, and potential to be infinitely wise and compassionate beings, still we need someone to encourage us and show us how to manifest those qualities" (p. 305).
"I call myself a Baptist-Buddhist not to be cute or witty....[but] because it is an honest description of who I feel I am. When I was on that plane...I felt sheer and utter terror, and I called on both traditions for help. Long ago, Kierkegaard had argued that one doesn't know what one really believes until one is forced to act....Most times, actually, I think of myself as being more an African American Buddhist...but...I call on both traditions. It is a deep response" (p. 311).
Black Panthers. Tibetan Buddhists. The (ongoing) fight for racial equality for Black Americans.
I don't always find "spiritual autobiographies" inspiring, but this one was.
"What does one do when the oppressor's blood courses in one's own veins? How could I run away from myself? How to make peace with such horrific origins?....Given such history, the questioning of origins, though painful, was unavoidable" (p. 13).
"'Again,' [the Dalai Lama] said, 'Patience is most important. But if you are certain there is no other alternative [to violent action], if you are clear and certain about this, then what you must do is this: First, you must think lovingly and with compassion about the policeman. If you think or call him a pig, then you must let him shoot you! But if you can wish him well, and pray for his future happy rebirth, then of course, you can stop him from harming the others. You can stop him by any means necessary.' We were relieved and amazed" (p. 182).
"Though we all possess innate purity, clarity, strength, and potential to be infinitely wise and compassionate beings, still we need someone to encourage us and show us how to manifest those qualities" (p. 305).
"I call myself a Baptist-Buddhist not to be cute or witty....[but] because it is an honest description of who I feel I am. When I was on that plane...I felt sheer and utter terror, and I called on both traditions for help. Long ago, Kierkegaard had argued that one doesn't know what one really believes until one is forced to act....Most times, actually, I think of myself as being more an African American Buddhist...but...I call on both traditions. It is a deep response" (p. 311).
June 18, 2018
Remarkable, honest, at times heart-wrenching to see the extent of impact racism has had on her life, her race. Purchased at used book store, due to my official affiliation with Baptist, through which I am an ordained clergyperson, but no longer associate with, and unofficial identification with Buddhism, where my heart has been many years. I found much more here than I anticipated, and appreciate how both her Baptist roots and Buddhist affiliation found a home within the author's heart and life. Few persons can move on from their faith roots and retain connection with it, and the spirit of Buddhism and love of family were instrumental in that wide embrace. Again, however, much more here. This is the kind of book I read and would delight to meet the author, simply to be in his or presence up close and receive wisdom from.
January 16, 2019
Jan Willis has had a remarkable life journey. Her voice in this account is modest and calm. The reader has to pay attention to what she doesn't say to grasp her academic achievements. Her early learning of Hindi, Sanskrit, and Tibetan languages, her successful academic career. Her story is personal, but deeply rooted in a particular history. She writes of growing up outside of Birmingham, Alabama in a time when the KKK were unrestricted and when the appearance of black performers on television would be blocked out by the stations intervening in the broadcast by putting out a a sign that said "trouble along the cable" rather than put a black face out on the airwaves. She also documents the healing of the hurt caused by racist experiences through the practice of Tibetan Buddhism. She describes her relationships with her Tibetan teachers with a loving care. This healing is a life long process, one which doesn't exclude activism. She writes about a choice after college between going to study in Tibet versus joining the Black Panthers. Although she chose Tibet, she maintains a loyalty to the work of the Panthers, and close ties to the Civil rights movement, especially through her role as a teacher. She does this without repudiating her ambivalent childhood experiences in her parents' Black Baptist church. Through her example, she provides a model of how to combine activism and self care. Although understated, this is a powerful and moving book. The short afterward by Bettina Aptheker is also worth reading: she offers perspective on the deep meaning of Jan Willis's narrative of healing.
February 24, 2018
This title was South Austin Spiritual Book Group's selection for February, 2018, Black History Month.
The author even offered to fly in to lead our discussion if I had contacted her earlier.
One of the most compelling segments of Jan's whole-life memoir was a decision she made when she was 21. After Jan was invited to be a Black Panther, she had to make the choice to either join the Panthers or return to Nepal. As it turned out, the most important thing was to wait to make that decision. After a short while, Cornell offered her a Traveling Fellowship to Nepal, which she took.
The way she waited and allowed the dean and her advisors to bring her an offer was illustrative of an older soul to me, someone who would really do some good in a profound way. Not with guns, but with spirit. That one decision she made changed the trajectory of Jan's life forever and for better. If she had not taken her time and allowed the winds of heaven to dance between she and her decision, she may have ended up dead.
The author even offered to fly in to lead our discussion if I had contacted her earlier.
One of the most compelling segments of Jan's whole-life memoir was a decision she made when she was 21. After Jan was invited to be a Black Panther, she had to make the choice to either join the Panthers or return to Nepal. As it turned out, the most important thing was to wait to make that decision. After a short while, Cornell offered her a Traveling Fellowship to Nepal, which she took.
The way she waited and allowed the dean and her advisors to bring her an offer was illustrative of an older soul to me, someone who would really do some good in a profound way. Not with guns, but with spirit. That one decision she made changed the trajectory of Jan's life forever and for better. If she had not taken her time and allowed the winds of heaven to dance between she and her decision, she may have ended up dead.
May 21, 2012
Up front: I am not a fan, nor inspired by Wallis' religiosity. Her take on tantra and christianity are not my cup of tea!
That said, I think this is a valuable work and inspiring memoir of an amazingly intelligent, gifted, strong and determined woman; one that I can imagine being quite inspiring to other women in general, and african-american women in particular, so I heartily recommend it. Even if you are not "religious," I think her story is an important one, written in such a way that keeps one's interest throughout. I especially respect her forthrightness in discussing color and her lived life or racism in these (so-called) 'united' states. Recently, she wrote an article for Buddhadharma about the whiteness of the north american sangha. Her's is a voice more buddhists must hear -- and further -- listen to!
That said, I think this is a valuable work and inspiring memoir of an amazingly intelligent, gifted, strong and determined woman; one that I can imagine being quite inspiring to other women in general, and african-american women in particular, so I heartily recommend it. Even if you are not "religious," I think her story is an important one, written in such a way that keeps one's interest throughout. I especially respect her forthrightness in discussing color and her lived life or racism in these (so-called) 'united' states. Recently, she wrote an article for Buddhadharma about the whiteness of the north american sangha. Her's is a voice more buddhists must hear -- and further -- listen to!
June 4, 2018
A very interesting memoir of a Black woman who grew up in the South and ended up as a professor of Buddhist studies up North. I personally was a bit disappointed because I expected Willis' story to be a bit more about Buddhism and a bit less about her own academic trajectory. I also have less of a grasp of the Tibetan tradition, which is the tradition that Willis is most engaged with.
Also, I'd be remiss to not mention that some of Willis' descriptions of India did not sit well with me. For instance, at one point she gets to a poorer region of the country and writes something like, "Finally! I was seeing the real India." I'm sure Willis might phrase some things differently were she to write the same book today, and it still kind of detracted from her discussion of her spiritual journey.
Also, I'd be remiss to not mention that some of Willis' descriptions of India did not sit well with me. For instance, at one point she gets to a poorer region of the country and writes something like, "Finally! I was seeing the real India." I'm sure Willis might phrase some things differently were she to write the same book today, and it still kind of detracted from her discussion of her spiritual journey.
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April 21, 2009Dreaming Me by Jan Willis.
A brilliant child growing up in the Jim Crow South, Jan Willis escaped the Ku Klux Klan only to face racism of another kind in an Ivy League university. Recruited by the Black Panther Party, she chose instead to travel to India and Nepal, where she encountered Lama Yeshe, a Tibetan monk who would become her mentor and later one of the most influential Buddhist teachers in the West. Through his guidance, Jan Willis learned to face down the demons of her past and embrace her whole identity-Black, Baptist, and Buddhist. Dreaming Me is her story, one that "will move anyone who is compelled by the examined life" (Publishers Weekly, Starred Review).
A brilliant child growing up in the Jim Crow South, Jan Willis escaped the Ku Klux Klan only to face racism of another kind in an Ivy League university. Recruited by the Black Panther Party, she chose instead to travel to India and Nepal, where she encountered Lama Yeshe, a Tibetan monk who would become her mentor and later one of the most influential Buddhist teachers in the West. Through his guidance, Jan Willis learned to face down the demons of her past and embrace her whole identity-Black, Baptist, and Buddhist. Dreaming Me is her story, one that "will move anyone who is compelled by the examined life" (Publishers Weekly, Starred Review).
April 2, 2008
Pretty good read. Willis does a phenomenal job merging the psychological and spiritual effects of race upon the "tender hearted intellectual." I enjoyed her perspective and the way she put into words what is probably very difficult to describe - a transition from the faith of her people to finding a faith that worked for her.
November 29, 2010
Well written autobiography, chronicling the journey from 1950s Alabama to Cornell, to Nepal, and the Tibean Buddhist path. Chilling descriptions of racism, coupled with her own racist generalizations, paints a pretty accurate portrait of the confusing state of race relations amongst her peer group. But that aside, it is a good read.
March 6, 2019
Very nice memoir, and it was cool to read about Kopan before it was what it is now. I was there in 2007 and am going back this year.
February 7, 2020
What a dream of a Book! Inspiring, shattering then uplifting. I would love too hear her speak.
August 12, 2023
Thoughtful, insightful, and most definitely relatable! I loved it!
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February 21, 2009Great book! It's the story of an African-American woman's spiritual journey, away from her Baptist roots, through Buddhism, and into a new space of hospitality for both. I really felt connected to her story of feeling isolated from her identity, even repelled by it; only to learn how to embrace it. GREAT.
July 20, 2009
Interesting that she was a militant Black activist in the late 60s and then became a Buddhist. The writing is not the best ever, but a really worthwhile read and I appreciate the Wesleyan nods :)
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March 5, 2008Jan Willis has an interesting life story, and this tells it well.
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September 5, 2008Very enjoyable and inspiring autobiography.
September 7, 2016
Excellent book, worth five stars on the chapter "Church With Daddy" alone.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews