Second Person Queer: Who You Are

by Richard Labonté (Editor), Lawrence Schimel (Editor)

First Person Queer, an anthology of nonfiction essays written in the first person by a variety of gay and lesbian authors, was a snapshot of GLBT life and experience in the modern age. Published in 2007, it received wide acclaim and won the Lambda Literary Award for Anthologies and the Independent Publisher Award (Gold) for gay/lesbian books.

Second Person Queer is an unusual companion book: it is an anthology of essays on GLBT life written in the second person. The essays take the form of letters to family and friends, missives to homophobes, confessions to lovers, and words of advice for the next generation; they deal with subjects as large and looming as violence, coming out, gay marriage, and raising children. They are as intimate and engaging as How to Become a Visible Femme, How Not to Be Offended by Everything, and How to Become a Country Leather Bear. Powerful, funny, poignant: these are the stories of who you are as a GLBT person, or the person you would most like to be.

Contributors include S. Bear Bergman, Sky Gilbert, Matt Bernstein Sycamore (a.k.a. Mattilda), Achy Obejas, Andy Quan, Michael Rowe, Stacey May Fowles, and Amber Dawn. 

Co-editors Richard Labonté and Lawrence Schimel have written or edited over one hundred books between them; Labonté edits the annual Best Gay Erotica anthologies from Cleis Press, and Schimel’s books include PoMoSexuals and The Mammoth Book of Gay Erotica.

Genres: Queer, LGBT, Nonfiction

224 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 2009

About the author

i read a lot of books. i review many of them. i edit many anthologies. i edit technical writing so it reads more like real english. i live on a small island with a man and a dog (tiger-lily, r.i.p). once upon a time, i was a bookseller.

Reviews

[Elliott · Rating 2 out of 5]

Second Person Queer: Who You Are (So Far) seemed promising at first, but it left me feeling starkly disappointed and unimpressed. The premise of this nonfiction anthology is writing in the second person: the writers are speaking to you, the reader, directly. In some cases, the second person style resulted in letters written to specific figures from the author's life, which were the better contributions in this work. Overall, the second person format was stifling and offered lifeless prose that felt like the authors were offering unsolicited advice that didn't apply to me, at all. This isn't to mention the rather damning transphobia (?!?!? in a queer anthology???) in two chapters, which I'm going to quote in full:

You will say that I am angry because I can't play the game, and you're half right. I can't. I won't even try anymore. I have worn the plaid sleeveless shirts and the camouflage cargo shorts, the big black cowboy belts and the regulation army boots ... and I looked like a half-formed F-to-M tranny, minus the sexual mystery or adventure, the glamor of difference (R.M. Vaughan, 24, bold added for emphasis).

The only true stars in any gay community are: a) local drag queens; b) hot guys who pose shirtless for ads; c) trannies, whose combination of brave struggle and fierce style automatically pushes them to the top of the class (Paul Bellini, 131, bold added for emphasis).

The quote by R.M. Vaughan was from his chapter "You Bear, Me Jane" that called out problematic attitudes in the bear community. The intracommunal criticisms were certainly valid, but the dehumanizing comment of "half-formed F-to-M tranny" immediately soured my impression of the rest of this book. As for the quote by Paul Bellini, it was in his chapter "How to Survive Gay Celebrity: A Pocket Guide." I don't think I have to explain why it's horrifically out-of-touch and disingenuous to suggest that transitioning is a pathway to fame, especially given that trans people are one of the most vulnerable groups within the queer community. Not to mention that both of the aforementioned writers are cis and are using a slur in a derogatory context. Honestly, without these two offences, Second Person Queer could have been a 3-star read for me, but the fact that casual transphobia was given a space in a queer anthology is horrific. Not to mention the stark absence of trans writers in the whole work: 40 writers, 3 of which were openly trans in their writing. None of which were trans women. Most of the writers are cis gay men, and their writing is directed at cis gay men. This book is just very cis (and Eurocentric, and binarist, etc).

Despite the downfalls and persistent mediocrity of Second Person Queer, I gave it 2 stars for the stand-out chapters. "To My Sisters and Brothers in Hiding" by Roz Kaveney urges trans folks who are stealth to consider why they're stealth, and how they engage with non-stealth trans comrades. "An Apology to My Mother" by S. Bear Bergman is, as evidenced by the title, an apology letter to his mother for his failure to connect with her in his youth. "How to Archive Our History" by Jane Van Ingen offers practical advice about preserving collections and documents for future generations of queer archives. "Family Family (This One's for the Kids)" by Arden Eli Hill is a heartfelt and vulnerable piece about adoption, transmasculine fatherhood, and found family for ostracized queer youth. And finally, my personal favourite that struck a chord with me, "How to Bury Our Dead" by Amber Dawn, which reflects on queer funerary traditions (or, really, the lack thereof) and the politicization of queer death at memorial services (e.g. talking politics in a space intended for shared grieving).

I probably wouldn't recommend anyone read this book unless you're a young gay man seeking advice about being young and gay, but even then, the advice is fairly narrow. There are some valuable chapters in this book, there are some that are well-written, there are some that are appealing, but as a whole, it's redundant and weak.

[audge :-) · Rating 3 out of 5]

happy pride month!! this book was a bit disappointing overall but some essays were pockets of goodness. i may be interested to read the first book in this series to see if it's more focused and relatable.

[ezra · Rating 2 out of 5]

First book was lovely; this one was straight-up painful to read. It’s just a collection of advice I didn’t ask for from primarily gay men. Most of the pieces are written to “you” but I don’t know who the hell “you” is and it makes for boring writing anyway. The occasional discussion of BDSM is what got me through to the end.

[Susan Armstrong · Rating 2 out of 5]

Truly disappointed in this collection. Most entries failed to be witty although they tried. I enjoyed the tips about archiving our items to ensure queer history is recorded, the bathhouse sex scene and the reflection on the lack of queer grieving rituals. Otherwise, I would give a pass to all the other short writings.

[Zachariah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found it a bit boring but I think that's entirely due to not finding much within the entries to relate to, but it is interesting and fun! Just not for me this time 💔💔

[Carlos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Much like its predecessor, First Person Queer, this book was incredibly inspiring. There is something almost solemn about hearing the stories of those activists who lived through the liberating 60’s and 70’s as well as through the crippling 80’s and 90’s. Although the life experiences would seem so strikingly different from those to which my generation has been exposed, there is more than one gem in this beautiful anthology. The range of this collection is quite broad, going from advice to become a happy slut to advice on people who are awaiting their prince(ss) charming, and I can guarantee that at least one story will touch your heart. I cannot recommend this book highly enough, especially to LGBT teens who feel exposed after coming out.

[butterbook · Rating 1 out of 5]

Collected stories by queers written in the second person. I will partially pardon the editors by pointing out that writing in the second person lends itself to producing crap, but the rest is on them. There was perhaps a story or two that captivated me long enough to get past the first page (but still not to the end), the rest was boring and caddy.ummer.

[Natty Soltesz]

"How to Hate Yourself Completely"

[NLA-I Awards · Rating 4 out of 5]

Contains Jeff Mann's "How to be a Country Leather Bear," which received the honorable mention in the National Leather Association's Cynthia Slater Award for articles published in 2009.

[6655321 · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of this book i seriously legitimately and passionately loved but much of it was... we'll just say not my cup of tea?