I've Been Wrong Before: Essays

by Evan James

From the award-winning essayist and author of the “shrewd as hell and hysterically funny” (Carmen Maria Machado, author of Her Body and Other Parties) novel Cheer Up, Mr. Widdicombe comes a moving and unforgettable essay collection about his travels around the globe as he reflects on the power and complexity of human relationships.

From the award-winning essay “Lover’s Theme,” in which Evan James explores the life of a drag queen in San Francisco, to his poignant story of coming out in “One Hell of a Homie,” set against the backdrop of the 1992 film Class Act, this essay collection brilliantly captures both the beauty and pain of relationships—friendly, familiar, and romantic. I’ve Been Wrong Before is an eye-opening and heartfelt illustration of how our differences are often the things that bring us closer together. Masterfully balancing tremendous insight with startling humor, this absorbing collection features Evan James’s “wry intelligence and sense of the absurd” (R.O. Kwon, author of The Incendiaries) and is perfect for fans of Alexander Chee and Maggie Nelson.

Genres: Essays, Memoir, Nonfiction, LGBT

256 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 3, 2020

Reviews

[Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been wrong before, but why is no one talking about this book? It deserves to be recognized in the queer canon for its vulnerability, breadth and depth of the queer experience, and its insight into life. My personal favorite was “One Hell Of A Homie.” It touched on aspects I think many other queer people can relate—media and parents lashing out as though coming out is the worst thing they could do to them. It was hard to read, but with humor and wisdom he told a tale about self-acceptance instead indulging in the heteronormative.

Evan James is someone I feel like I became friends with over this journey. I imaged we shared a bottle of wine together, laughing and philosophizing over the gay experience. He’s a shrewd storyteller and I can’t wait for more. Our experiences are very different, but I think at our core we’re very similar. Two people looking to find meaning amongst all the wreckage.

[Bandit · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’ve recently read a terrific book of essays by Jordan Kisner. The sort of thing that makes you reconsider your preprogrammed menu of reading likes and dislikes. One of those things where you go…ok, maybe essays can be of interest. Ok, let’s try another. So I did. This one showed up on Netgalley promising to be funny, smart and something to do with travel, so sure…I checked it out. And all I can say is…essays still might be a good addition to my reading, but this book wasn’t, really. The thing with essays…it’s essentially people telling you stories from their lives. It is such a personal genre, if you don’t like/relate to/ enjoy the author, their stories aren’t going to do much for you. And this was definitely the case here. Now, I am well aware that in the modern rabidly politically correct day and age saying something is too gay is an abominable faux pas. And yet…this book was just too gay for me. Male gay, for clarification purposes. And no, I’m not homophobic, I just don’t especially enjoy certain aspects of the culture…the commitmentphobic promiscuity, the vapidness and so on. Stereotypes, you’ll say. Well, maybe, but this book and its author check every single one of those boxes and then some. I’m not saying it isn’t a valid lifestyle, it is and at any rate it doesn’t need my validation, I’m just saying it isn’t that interesting to me. I didn’t care about the author’s bathhouse adventures or his flirtations with drag queening or his short lived affairs. The traveling aspects of it very somewhat interesting, but again not in ways I normally appreciate in travelogues, more like…went there, partied there, hooked up there, wanderlust heavy on lust. Actually, his tales of retail vagaries ended up being the more engaging ones. But in general, though mildly amusing at times and occasionally very nicely written with some genuinely clever observations along the way, this collection didn’t really work for me. I know I don’t have a lot to compare it with, being new to the world of essays, but seems to me they just have to really match the readers’ interests to work optimally. Especially since this book was such a personal one. It isn’t just random things of interest, these essays are profoundly autobiographical so you really need that author/reader connection that just wasn’t there. And again, because of the personal nature of essays, I’m sure these will just sing for the right audience. So to each their own. Peace, love and polyester and all that. Thanks Netgalley.

[Erik · Rating 5 out of 5]

A witty, thoughtful reflection on being gay in your 20s, Evan James "I've Been Wrong Before" is a collection of essays that you absolutely must add to your "to read" stack today.

Each essay in this collection serves as a point of departure for James as he thinks back to his at-times-chaotic life figuring out who he was and what he wanted (and wanted to be in his 20s). With an adept cynicism that makes you feel grounded in reality while also forcing constant, out-loud laughter, his essays on being a drag queen in San Francisco, exploring a bath house in Barcelona, and falling in love but not knowing how to say it in Cambodia, will resonate deeply with so many parts of your being.

"I've Been Wrong Before" is THE underrated book of 2020. Never before have I encountered a book that so precisely understands and communicates, with humor and criticality, the journey of self-grounding that we all hope for in adulthood.

[Nick DeFiesta · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed hard, I (almost) cried, I wondered whether my new thing is reading essays from queer alumni of the Iowa Writer's Workshop. I like this one most of all, though (Sorry Alex Chee!), maybe because he's from the Pacific Northwest and we share some sort of innate sensibility in that regard. Each of his essays starts in one place, has some fun, and then you reach the end and realize, to your surprise, that somewhere along the way it punched you in the gut. Really great stuff.

[Laura Sackton · Rating 2 out of 5]

This felt very performative and self-indulgent to me. None of the essays seemed to go anywhere, or really delve into anything meaningful. There was no movement to it, and no openness or vulnerability. If I'd found the essays amusing or funny or satirical or just oddly fascinating, that would have been fine, but instead, they just felt flat and surface level.

[Renata · Rating 3 out of 5]

Back when the library was open, sometimes I'd read a review of an upcoming book and put a hold on it and then forget about it until like 2-3 months later when it would show up on my holds shelf and I'd be like, "Oh yeah, I think I remember reading about this..."

Anyway this was one of those books, it made it just under the wire of library closure. I get why I'd request it--funny-sad essays, most of which are about travel, some of which are about drag queens...any of those things in a review would have triggered a hold for me. It was nice to read so much about travel right now, when I'm obviously not going anywhere. This is his debut essay collection and I feel like later in his career he could probably write some sharper, stronger essays? Like these were all interesting reads but they didn't necessarily all make points? Sometimes they kind of just sputter out.

Still, if you're called to by any of the basic points that called to me about this, you'll probably enjoy this.

[Gochrisgo · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a fresh and challenging set of essays recording a gay mans life and travels from Washington State to NYC and beyond. I was especially interested in his feeling about growing up in the shadow of AIDS.

Evan James writes: “ All our bathhouses, back rooms, dungeons, etc. inherit part of their atmosphere of Gothic decay by operating in the long shadow of AIDS. They are, in their way, ruins.”

He writes about fear, working at bookstores (include my favorite Three Lives), and his intense relationship with his mother, an occasional telephone fortune teller and house sitter. I appreciate the long asides and occasional meandering sentences and loose associations.

I admire how he uses light comedy without making himself into a gay clown like Sedaris sometimes does. I wish he would have written deeper on his search for a father figure.

He has an extraordinary ear for dialogue. I’d like to read a how-to on his process for capturing all that time and word choice.

[Kade Gulluscio · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. Thank you NetGalley.

I've been wrong before is a collection of essays by Evan James.
I think "Lover's Theme - a story about a drag queen - was my favorite.
"One Hell Of A Homie" came in at a close second.
Most of the essays were well-written and interesting in some way or another. Some not-so-much. But that's fairly common with any collection of essays / stories.
I think more people should be talking about this book!
I'm hoping to read others by this author!

[Ives Phillips · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a wonderful collection of essays! I've found a kindred spirit in James, and his wit and restlessness feeds my own wanderlust and curiosities of self.

I thank Atria Books and Simon & Schuster for the opportunity to read this fabulous book!

[Corey]

I don't know why I torture my fantasy-filled mind by reading about young gay men having fun adventures, but I do. And James sounds like perfect boyfriend material. Sigh.

[Alastair Woods · Rating 4 out of 5]

I happened to hear about this one through the Twitter account of a writer I really love and admire. Overall, I would say I really enjoyed James's writing: it was approachable and funny, with a some moments of tenderness and clarity that really creep up on you. There is one essay in particular, "On The Loss of Being Here" that was particularly solemn in a way that seemed out of character with some of the other pieces in this book - but in an achingly beautiful sort of way. I appreciate people who are able to balance a sense of humour with a propensity toward feeling deeply. Evan James really achieved that in this collection - I'm really looking forward to seeing what he has to offer next.

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

not for me. sporadically funny travel-centric recap of his escapades in his 20's as an aspiring writer and (mostly) person who either does or doesn't, depending on the essay, hook up with a guy to whom he's attracted. one of the blurbs says the book "gets our messy human lives so very, very right". not confident we read the same book.

[Cheryl Gatling]

This was a book I knew nothing about, but something about the cover photo caught my eye, a young man sitting awkwardly on a bench with a lake in the background. It speaks of travel, and perhaps of loneliness, and both those things are in this book.

Evan James is gay, and a writer. This book is called a book of essays, but I thought it more of a memoir. I think of essays as pieces of writing that are about a topic, and while James may write about various things: movies he has seen, street life in Spain, eating a duck embryo in the Philippines, working the phone lines for the San Francisco Ballet, living in Carson McCuller’s house, and to start the book off with a bang, performing in the drag scene, while he may include lots of interesting details about interesting things, his writer’s eye is turned inward as often as outward. The real topic of his essays is the experience of being Evan James.

The drag scene is fascinating in itself, with its larger than life names and personas, but what James wants most to tell us about is his own tendency for obsession. He begins with the intention of writing an article for the local newspaper about San Francisco’s drag district, but he can’t stop his research, and it ends with immersion, with himself on stage, dressed as a pink cell phone. When he works for the San Francisco Ballet, he tells how he has to tell people that the Nutcracker is sold out, and they can’t get tickets. He writes sympathetically about his co-workers, and about the callers, but the real subject is his own desire to improve himself, to move up to a job more substantial than answering phones.

James travels: Seattle, San Francisco, Provincetown, New York City, and then Spain, New Zealand, Australia, Bali. He remains mostly restless and rootless, to the point that I wasn’t always sure that I liked Evan James, but perhaps I was not supposed to, as I don’t think he always liked himself. He writes about a time in New York, when he felt compelled to ditch his boyfriend, and explore the city on his own. He writes, “I was a bad boyfriend.” But there is gradual growth toward maturity.

He writes about the desire for intimacy, and the difficulty not just of knowing if another person is into you, but if they are gay, which leads to some dancing around the subject, and missed opportunities. One of the most touching essays was his description of discovering himself to be gay, and how he came out to his mother, who promptly threw herself on her bed, weeping. This was also a little bit funny, because his mother worked as a psychic who helped people discover their past lives, but she wasn’t very perceptive, obviously, about the present lives of people around her.

In the end, Evan James is thoughtful, and honest, and a little self deprecating, and a little funny.

[Ken Heard · Rating 2 out of 5]

I hate giving low ratings for books. I mean, people spend time and energy writing them and I admire their skill, determination and stamina.

However, there are times when things may go awry. This was one, I felt. I checked Evan James' book out from the library to read essays and perhaps learn how to write them. I freelance articles for magazines as a side gig and found that that article-writing pond is somewhat drying up. I thought it may be more lucrative to write essays for magazines or newspapers or websites and, hence, I got James' book as a primer.

I felt these essays, while well-written at times, seemed to ramble on without a clear focus. He watched the old Vincent Price movie "The Tingler" and his mother commented on it, for example. I was looking for some hook, some payoff as to why we were reading it. Not there.

There are also several stories about failed relationships he's had. Again, the only point I saw was that he shunned real commitment, a fact he admitted. Still, it was as if he wrote this and then ran out of steam or an idea to wrap it up. He also wrote of a summer job he had that he quit on the spot, and he told tales of his wanderlust of other countries, again in a seeming failure to commit to one location.

Many of the essays were about his reckless ways with gay relationships. I have nothing against being gay; my stepson is gay and he's one of the best people I know. However, James' book was, to copy a phrase from another reviewer here, "too gay." It was like every point he made had to include meeting up with some "bear" and having spontaneous sex immediately after. He almost made cliche of that sort of thing.

By the time his essay about admitting he was gay showed up in the book, the "headliner" if you will and the one that drew the most raves, the reader was bombarded already and the impact was less than it could have been.

[Catherine Masterson · Rating 4 out of 5]

A collection of pithy essays relating individual scenes from the author's life, mostly relating to his "sheer idiotic need" to pursue love around the globe, all the while shunning work and other such boring, restrictive life matters. The reader benefits from Evan's education and experiences as he turns a simple phrase into art, and (unusual for me) I was compelled to take a few personal notes on the side. His droll sense of humor results in revelations that are both simplistic and startling. For instance, he baldly states that traveling with others brings out his meanest independent streak. (That's my secret shame!) Also, he expresses the feeling that the perfect moment only remains perfect by never arriving. (That notion has always enabled me to stall the inevitable, although I've never articulated it.) All in all, I finished the book and was left with the charmed feeling one has after receiving a bouquet of slightly mangled flowers.

[Lewis Elliott · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book of essays. It is collection of stories told from a perpective that is personal, but also a bit removed? Which is lovely. Somewhat likes personal stories that have been written well with an eye for detail and clarity. Every word and sentence is certain and concise, but not rigid either. I quite enjoyed this book.

[Jennifer]

This is a lovely collection of essays about Evan's early years in journalism.

[Patrick Marshall · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not one to read books of essays but I enjoyed many of the ones the author has in this book, often finding myself chuckling at what was written.

[sophie marie · Rating 1 out of 5]

not for me

[Brad · Rating 3 out of 5]

Had higher hopes for this collection of essays, especially given the blurbs. Many seemed underwritten and unfinished.

[William · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was delightful! Fun and tender, but so much more than a mere comfort read.

[Bimal Patel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I got a copy of this book from the publisher in return for my unbiased opinion.

This book is a collection of short essays about the author's reflection of his time travelling to places. It's like David Sedaris's essays. Each essay however has something deep and philosophical about it. The inner thought process and emotional state is put on the paper in a very tactful manner. There is an undertone of looking for true love only to be sabotaged by the author himself as in when his wanderlust takes priority. Overall, I found this book entertaining and if you like short essays you may like this book too. The chapters are not that long and you can go through them in 30 mins maybe less than that each.

[Steven Ridgely · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great stories.

[Carolyn Rummel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received an advance copy of this book in a Goodreads Giveaway. I had not heard of the author before this but I really like the Evan James I discovered in these essays. Now I definitely want to read Cheer Up, Mr. Widdicombe.

[Gary Lee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Did not finish -- quickly tired of reading about the problems of a Young White Gay™ who's so unfocused and noncommittal and poor that he summers in New York City or Barcelona or New Zealand...