Kiss Myself Goodbye: The Many Lives of Aunt Munca

by Ferdinand Mount

Aunt Munca never told the truth about anything. Calling herself after the mouse in a Beatrix Potter story, she was already a figure of mystery during the childhood of her nephew Ferdinand Mount. Half a century later, a series of startling revelations sets him off on a tortuous quest to find out who this extraordinary millionairess really was. What he discovers is shocking and irretrievably sad, involving multiple deceptions, false identities and abandonments. The story leads us from the back streets of Sheffield at the end of the Victorian age to the highest echelons of English society between the wars.

Kiss Myself Goodbye is both an enchanting personal memoir like the author's bestselling Cold Cream, and a voyage into a vanished moral world. An unconventional tale of British social history told backwards, its cryptic and unforgettable protagonist Munca joins the ranks of memorable aunts in literature, from Dickens' Betsy Trotwood to Graham Greene's Aunt Augusta.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Memoir, History, Book Club, Biography Memoir, British Literature

262 pages, Hardcover

First published October 29, 2020

About the author

Ferdinand Mount was born in 1939. For many years he was a columnist at the Spectator and then the Daily Telegraph and The Sunday Times. In between, he was head of the Downing Street Policy Unit and then editor of the Times Literary Supplement. He is now a prize-winning novelist and author of, most recently, the bestselling memoir Cold Cream. He lives in London.

Reviews

[Nicola Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

A few things drew me to this book. First of all it was the intrigue behind the author's Aunt Munca, not just the fact that she used the name of a Beatrix Potter mouse but also the fact she was quite a mysterious figure for him. He grew up spending quite a lot of time around her but never really felt that he knew her fully.

The second thing was the mention of Sheffield and there is a fabulous lengthy chapter in the book about my home city in the late 19th and early 20th century. I'm sure any reader would agree that there is something extra special about reading about a place you know well.

And then there's that gorgeous cover with the image of a glamorous looking man and woman lightly holding hands. I was desperate to know their story.

Kiss Myself Goodbye is Ferdinand Mount's account of his aunt's life. A shadowy character, edging around questions she doesn't want to provide true answers to, he manages to discover endless amazing things about her life both up until the point she is a part of his life and beyond. And it truly is fascinating. The whole thing had my jaw dropping on many occasions, and sometimes nodding along sagely as previously unknown or seemingly unconnected pieces of information all slotted into place.

I particularly enjoyed Mount's journey of discovery through genealogy research, the way he found out so much from birth, marriage and death certificates. He has a difficult job as Munca didn't seem to tell the truth about herself so every single detail is hard won.

Kiss Myself Goodbye is the name of a song the author remembers from a trip to a nightclub with his Aunt Munca but it's also remarkably fitting as Munca spent her lifetime kissing her real self goodbye and reinventing herself. They often say the truth is stranger than fiction and that's definitely true of Munca's life.

I found this to be an engrossing story of a woman with more layers than an onion and a social history read packed with informational gems. Whilst there was the odd section that didn't completely absorb me, the vast majority of it was utterly captivating. It's a fabulous book.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Truth is stranger than fiction."

"You just can't make this... stuff up!

Those sayings pretty much sum up what to expect from this book. Munca's convoluted story proves quite the wild ride, indeed. But, through the miracle of the internet her nephew manages to get at "inconvenient" truths - one after another, leading further than he'd ever imagined at the outset. Marriages (not necessarily Munca' s) pop up like a game of Whack-a-Mole! Why stop at one bigamy - go bold, or go home! "Name of father" on forms? Depends what day it is (again, not just Munca herself).

Each chapter is truly an adventure. While I truly admire the author's to nasty, I'm deducting a star for the fact that I did have to skim in a couple of places, as well as that she was familiar with the players as part of his family, whereas I had to just guess as best I could and go with the flow regarding who fit in where. It got that complicated at times. But, don't be put off as in the end it's a "ripping good yarn" for sure.

Best approached a chapter at a time with the approach "Into the vortex (down the rabbit hole) we go!"

[Andy Lopata · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very disappointing.

The critics raved about this book and it appeared in a list of the top ten books of the year. So, despite having been unsure when I first read about it, on rereading the review in the top ten list I thought that it sounded like a fun read.

I was wrong.

Sure, there are elements of the book that draw you in; it is, in parts, a good social history of England a century ago and eventually you get interested in the author’s quest but it all takes far too long to get remotely interesting.

I found my mind venturing elsewhere and having to reread entire sections because I had lost focus. Not a good sign.

It’s a shame as there is a good book hidden in here somewhere. But it’s very well disguised.

[Sarah Skerman · Rating 5 out of 5]

To quote Sir Walter Scott "Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive!" This book is a delicious account of how a family has risen in society, whilst all the time not ever being true to its roots due to the tangled web of lies and deceit.
I loved it, and (due to my own ignorance) had no idea of who the author was until after I had read it, and the book wasn't spoiled for the fact.
It's written beautifully and with feeling for those involved, where there could have been a well-deserved disgust at how people have acted, there's a presence of it all happening 'in its time' and that despising the behaviour wouldn't be healthy or fair, as many of the conclusions are based on very well-researched hunches, if not actual fact. The amount of research is staggering and adds hugely to the narrative, and the results show just what can be achieved in researching your heritage - at your peril!
There's a touch of Mapp (Mapp and Lucia) in Betty, and I loved her all the more for this. Yes, she must have been a force to be reckoned with, a snob - given her roots, but all the same such a character!
There's such a feeling of love from the author to his family - regardless if they are biological or otherwise, this marks the author out as someone who has taken a huge amount of thought as to how and why this book needs to be written.
I was lucky enough to have the chance to review this book, prior to publication, and it's one I would certainly add to my collection, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
It's thought-provoking, heart-wrenching and a real eye-opener. All is not always as it seems, let us not judge anyone based upon Title and material wealth.
One small addition I would like to add is that a Family Tree is added on the final publication, as I found myself having to keep rereading previous pages to remind myself who was who!

[Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kissing My Review Goodbye
Damn. I wrote a review for this about a week ago and it has disappeared. I was replying to a comment made on the review, and when I pressed "send," the review just vanished. So discouraging. I am getting really fed up with these GoodReads snafus!

I don't feel like redoing the review, but just let me say that this is a fascinating and very unusual book. I really enjoyed it and have been recommending it to friends. A five-star review is a rarity for me, but well deserved in this case.

[Jo Berry ☀️ · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is an interesting story here, but it’s let down by the writing. The tale of Aunt Munca is complicated enough without the author making it more confusing. The story goes off at lots of tangents and into unnecessary details, when what we really want is to build a picture of this woman who goes by many names in her lifetime. I felt like I was reading an early draft, before the book was properly streamlined and edited.

However, what is revealed is a toxic person. Far from fleeing poverty or trying to escape an abusive family, Aunt Munca (lets stick with that name), uses and abandons person after person - husbands and children alike - for no apparent reason. She is married at least eight times, illegally on many occasions. She abandons her own children and her adopted children, except for poor Georgie, who’s life she ruins. The trail of broken hearts, alcoholism and even suicide is tragic and all because of this one woman. And there’s no sign she regretted any of it. She seemed addicted to the thrill. A compulsive liar and a bigamist who played with people’s lives and got away with it.

[Jane Armour · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just don’t understand all the 5* ratings. I found it poorly written, bogged down in boring detail (never ending old marriage/birth certificates, house details, sport) which I know were essential to unraveling the story but it became too factual and you lost the soul and real feeling of Munca’s life that was filled with poverty, deception, glamour, wealth and excitement. I could not believe that it isn’t until almost the end that the author tells us Munca’s mother married a millionaire and hence all the money. Surely you would have started your investigation with the parents?! I did however shed a tear at the end when Celeste traces her half brother!

[Veronica · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a roller-coaster of a read! Mount's Aunt Munca is an extraordinary character, her life built on a tissue of outrageous lies that make Boris Johnson look like a rank amateur. The lies spread and engulf all around her, causing great damage to some and just inconvenience to others.

Mount's convoluted and thorough detective work over a period of a decade reminded me of A Life Discarded: 148 Diaries Found in a Skip, which I read recently. Details of Munca's complicated life are gradually revealed among many asides, for example about modernist architecture, cricket, racing cars, or the industrial revolution in Sheffield. No doubt these will annoy readers who just want the facts, but I found it fascinating. Mount uses his ready imagination to build theories, construct backstories, and jump to conclusions; I enjoyed that too because he writes with both humour and erudition. I would make a recommendation though: have a pen and paper ready and when he mentions someone, however remotely they appear to be connected to Munca, write down their name and the page number. There's no index and it's really confusing trying to keep track of who is who. Some characters have been married four times before they are 40. Interesting how easy it was to get divorced in the first half of the 20th century (if you didn't care about your reputation), and how when you got married there was no requirement to prove you were who you said you were.

Munca and her husband Greig/Unca treated their daughter Georgie appallingly, in their attempts to maintain the tissue of lies, and Munca's son Buster is an absolute bounder too. When I'd finished the book I did some googling and I was fascinated to find a review by Georgie's godson which gives a very different perspective on Georgie's later life. It's a bit spoilery, so don't read it till you've read the book. Which I heartily recommend; I galloped through it in a couple of days. Hilary Mantel:"Grimly funny and superbly written, with a twist on every page." Too true!

[Debby Binns · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a fabulous account of how a family has risen in society and it's a roller-coaster of a read! Aunt Munca is an extraordinary character, her whole life was built on outrageous lies.
I didn't know who the author was until after I had finished the book and googled him. There is a real feeling of love from the author towards his family -and this speaks to me as someone who has taken great care about how to write this book in loving memory of his Aunt.

[Ian Coutts · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t even. There’s almost no way to describe the story that Ferdinand Mount tells in Kiss Myself Goodbye. Even if I were to simply recap the entire book, spoilers and all, I’m pretty sure people would go “No, that’s simply not possible.” That aside, in brief, it’s the story of his aunt Munca, an odd but intriguing woman married to his father’s brother, and his decade-long search to find out who she really was. Without giving anything away let me just say: wealth, poverty, repeated bigamy, forged birth certificates, and vanishing adoptees. That’s just a taste. This is a tangled yarn, filled with tangents, but Mount, an elegant, witty writer, manages to make it make sense – inasmuch as anything so crazy could ever “make sense.” No one can ever write a family memoir again after this. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

[Evandruker · Rating 3 out of 5]

An entertaining and bizarre account of the author trying to patch together the mysterious life of his wealthy eccentric aunt. It captures very well between the wars Britain and is frequently very funny, though much of the detailed research described is, I think, more interesting to the author than to the reader.

[Hannah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Feels mean to say anything I'm truly feeling about this but to me this was massively disappointing. It should have been a 1-2 hour talk not a book.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating story! Historical bits somewhat dry but the story of Aunt Munca captivated me.

[Francis Pellow · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow! almost overwhelming the revelations revealed in the book.

[Bettie]

“Grimly funny and superbly written, with a twist on every page” – HILARY MANTEL

[Moore Flannery · Rating 2 out of 5]

A frothy distraction from all things Queenly. The story of a family who managed to leave and disguise industrial Sheffield roots to sort of gentrify themselves by marrying, hob bobbing with the wealthy, becoming wealthy and comprehensively lying about everything. Much bigamy and divorce, racing cars, cricket captains, lost children and lies - outshining anything Nancy Mitford wrote- and although true, sadly lacking in her biting humour.

Really needs a jolly good edit, and not funny enough, but a rattling good detective account of uncovering the colossal lies a family can be built on 1918 - 1950.

[Greville Waterman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ferdinand Mount is a British gem who writes like a dream. I would probably enjoy reading a shopping list written by him.

This is an amazing shaggy dog story in which he attempts to discover the truth about the life of his aunt who aunt who weaved a web of obfuscation and confusion.

What shines through is the author’s pride and love of family and he uncovers an incredible story beautifully told.

Sheer pleasure from start to finish.

[Debumere · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a bit mad, Munca lived a rather colourful existence, to say the least. Interesting read though.

[Michelle Hogmire · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to Bloomsbury for an advance copy of this book, which came out in the US on Jan 12, 2021--

I'm normally not drawn to these sorts of memoirs (i.e. personal recollections about the author's wealthy family members), but Ferdinand Mount's "Kiss Myself Goodbye" is so well-written and bizarre that I stayed up late to finish the book in one sitting. It's true: Mount's mysterious Aunt Munca was a millionaire, but she was born into poverty and obtained her money by being a talented liar. Grifting those who've benefited from inherited wealth is a much more interesting story than pure nepotism.

Mount spent a lot of time with his Aunt Betty (Munca) and Uncle Greig (Unca) in his younger years, despite the fact that his parents weren't close to them. Oddities pile up rapidly: Munca goes away at an older age and returns with a child she insists is biological, but is obviously adopted. Then, a second child is openly adopted, but eventually...given back? When an unknown family member reaches out with a story about Munca's supposed brother actually being her son, Mount decides to research and settle the secrets of his now deceased aunt's life once and for all.

The result is a wild story of multiple illegal bigamous marriages, completely fabricated and reinvented identities, family acquaintances who are in reality spurned blood relatives, generous sugar daddies, affairs with well-known cricket players, car races and car crashes (surprisingly unrelated), a potential gay scandal, and a shit ton of fancy interior decorating. I have no idea how Aunt Munca kept all these falsehoods straight (there are times when she definitely slips up, which provides Mount with essential clues), but all of this makes for incredibly entertaining reading. Not so entertaining are the lives she ruined--a subject that Mount treats with genuine sympathy and care. No matter how fun and outrageous the gossip is, it's important to keep the human cost in sight.

[Colin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ferdinand Mount’s account of the extraordinary life (or ‘lives’ as Kiss Myself Goodbye’s subtitle appositely puts it) of his Aunt Munca makes for compulsive and jaw dropping reading. The twists and turns of this family story are so outlandish that it’s almost impossible to believe that this is a true story - although one that is so obscured by multiple layers of lies and subterfuge that it takes many months to unravel. And even then there are multiple additional layers (revealed by Mount in a series of postscripts based on information sent to him after the book was first published in 2020). At the heart of the story is Aunt Munca (only one, as we discover, of many, many names by which she as known), a serial adulterer, divorcee, bigamist (at one point she is married to four husbands at the same time) and liar, who despite the poorest of beginnings in the back streets of Sheffield rises (along with her sister and her mother) to luxury and riches through marriages into the industrial plutocracy of the inter-war period. Ferdinand Mount tells this extraordinary story with its serial twists and surprises in polished, lucid prose with wit and sympathy. What a book to start 2022 with!

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a child, Ferdinand Mount accepted his Aunt Munca as children accept most things in the adult world--as just the way things are. But there's was always something odd and inconsistent with her--shifting relationships and names, dropped hints about the past, appearing and disappearing people. And just where did all that money come from? As an adult he becomes obsessed with finding out who exactly she was and how she became the rich extravagant aunt with the giant personality that he knew. Every thread he pulls opens up a new surprise, and he uncovers an unexpected history of disguised origins, changed names, altered identities, obscured parentage, multiple marriages, multiple divorces, multiple adulteries, multiple bigamies. Aunt Munca is an appalling person who did a lot of damage as she charged through her life, scattering husbands and lovers and relatives and children as she went, but she's also pretty compelling and weirdly admirable. This is a woman who refused the limits of the life she was born into and who never, never, never accepted a defeat.

What a great book to end 2022 with. It's so much more than a family memoir.

[Sarah England · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this, became very hard to put down by the end. Indeed, I was sat in the theatre the day before wishing I could carry on reading! Utterly fascinating story, often in the morbid/horrified sense and really well told. Despite all Aunt Munca's (manifold) flaws, Mount is able to also cite good points about her and how she was a product of her circumstances and time (to a certain extent). So - while she can come across as utterly ruthless and self-serving, he does acknowledge she was also capable of great love and generosity. However, it's one of those stories you just know will continue to unravel over time. I certainly resorted to Google a few times to look various people up, and have already seen stories and details not noted in the book as they've surfaced since publication.

[Joanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Totally bizarre story of a woman who has few resources but her ability to marry over and over again.

I don’t think I will be logging on to ancestry.com

[Deb Jacobs · Rating 2 out of 5]

I listened to this bookclub choice on Spotify and I’m glad I didn’t buy it. Oh, it was easy enough to get through, but I stopped trying to keep track of all the aliases and relationships very early on. That aside, the most outstanding feature of the story was the incessant name-dropping. I knew who the majority of those famous people were, but looking at it objectively, they’re just bit players who don’t really add to the story.

The story: hmm, what is it actually about? Essentially it is the story of a nephew trying to get to the bottom of who his aunt really is. A biography that is difficult to write, because the aunt was a liar, plain and simple. He knows her as a very wealthy woman, though she came from a poor background in Sheffield. I know I’m biased, because I come from Sheffield, but the way the author constantly refers to it as if it were hell on earth is immensely grating. It comes across as ‘it’s grim oop noorth’ which I’m sure all southerners will understand. That’s a lazy shortcut which the author uses throughout the book, addressing his readers in a chummy sort of way, so we can all tut disapprovingly at the aunt’s misadventures.

The narration was mainly ok: it always has a bearing on how I perceive the story. However, the narrator says ‘Little Meesters’ where every true Sheffielder will know it is pronounced ‘mester’ like ‘lest -er’

All in all, it was ok, but I wouldn’t recommend it - it doesn’t feel like it’s added anything to my life.

[Gail Darwent · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating story, expertly and humorously told

[Mandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Totally engrossing and fascinating – a family memoir like no other, that surprises and enchants, and with so many twists and turns that it’s quite dazzling. A family tree would have been useful, in fact. It’s well-written, meticulously researched, with a cast of wonderful and intriguing characters, funny and tragic and endlessly unpredictable. A great read.

[Terri ducay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book listed on The Economists' top ten books of 2020. And who would mistrust The Economist?

It is definitely a book for Anglophiles and ancestry bluffs. Although a bit tedious, the author, Ferdinand Mount, turns what otherwise would be a boring set of facts, into a bit of humor and wit.

I listened to the audio version of this book, which was 'jolly good' as the reader gives a very upper class, public schoolboy British touch giving it wonderful dramatics and dry humor to the words.

The story itself is bazaar and makes me think I went through life in a rather boring way, accepting my fate instead of reimagining it into a much more interesting and lucrative life.

It is a bit slow in parts, but don't give up. If you start to read or listen to this book, keep a notepad near as you will want to keep track of who's who.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Maybe I should read all of The Economist Best of 2020 books. (Full confession: I did check out another Economist Best of 2020 book from the library but it was too long so I brought it back without reading it.)

Ferdinand Mount used to spend summers and holidays with his aunt and uncle when he was a boy, because they lived near the seaside and he had asthma. They asked him to call them Hunca and Munca after the Two Bad Mice in Beatrix Potter. Unravelling the web of lies around Aunt Munca, he first reveals that there was one mouse in Beatrix Potter called Hunca Munca, and then he keeps this web unspooling. The biggest tragedy, among all the little tragedies and indiscrepancies, is Hunca and Munca's daughter. In 1941, Ferdinand's mother says, Aunt Munca went to Cornwall and came back with a baby. The way she was treated and made to be perfect and had her adult life ruined over and over again is unforgivable and casts a sad pall over what should be a madcap adventure of bigamy, fast cars, and cricket. Her godson wrote a response https://www.popmatters.com/ferdinand-... that lets Georgie live a little further and happier, after she distanced herself from her family, including Ferdinand. (Parts of this book will make more sense if you understand cricket.) Kiss Myself Goodbye is a gripping read that takes us from the grinding poverty of industrial Sheffield to a mysteriously funded suite at Claridge's. This is well worth reading. Thank you, The Economist.

[Janine · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is structured around his family history search for the truth about his Aunt Betty, whom he always found evasive and mysterious. It is a search driven by documents and he is a particularly inept family historian, naive about sources, and unusually reliant on other people finding things for him. He uses his search for a particular member of his family as the rationale for a new chapter, which means that there is a certain amount of back-tracking and foreshadowing, and he weakens his book considerably by including updates on his searches at the end which diffuses, rather than tightens, his ending.

The book is not just about his Aunt Betty/Munca, but he infuses it with a lot of his own memoir as well. He is an undisciplined narrator, launching off into long descriptions of tangential information, and drawing links with minor royalty and celebrity figures.

For my complete review, please visit:
https://residentjudge.com/2022/12/16/...

[Kirsten · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a terrific book! Mount's writing style is reportage turned up a notch - simple facts clothed in delightful and witty phrasing. The organizing narrative structure is perfect - the author's own story and research provides logical scaffolding for the the tremendously interesting revelations that slowly emerge about Aunt Munca. The way the revelations keep coming feels almost like a crescendo. Such fun! I enjoyed it for the writing and for the story equally. Overall a delight to read. One caveat - there are a lot of references to specific British-y things that were at times unfamiliar to me despite having enjoyed a fair amount of British biography reading. But nothing that a quick google couldn't resolve. Read this!