The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober

by Catherine Gray

Ever sworn off alcohol for a month and found yourself drinking by the 7th? Think there's 'no point' in just one drink? Welcome! There are millions of us. 64% of Brits want to drink less.

Catherine Gray was stuck in a hellish whirligig of Drink, Make horrible decisions, Hangover, Repeat. She had her fair share of 'drunk tank' jail cells and topless-in-a-hot-tub misadventures. But this book goes beyond the binges and blackouts to deep-dive into uncharted territory: What happens after you quit drinking? This gripping, heart-breaking and witty book takes us down the rabbit-hole of an alternative reality. A life with zero hangovers, through sober weddings, sex, Christmases and breakups.

In The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, Catherine Gray shines a light on society's drink-pushing and talks to top neuroscientists and psychologists about why we drink, delving into the science behind what it does to our brains and bodies. Much more than a tale from the netherworld of addicted drinking, this book is about the escape, and why a sober life can be more intoxicating than you ever imagined. Whether you're a hopelessly devoted drinker, merely sober-curious, or you've already ditched the drink, you will love this book.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Memoir, Health, Addiction, Psychology, Audiobook

10 pages, Audible Audio

First published December 28, 2017

Reviews

[Alice Caryer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such a weird read for me because even though I agreed with everything the author was saying about how fucked up our alcohol obsessed society is, I STILL find myself thinking, "God I'd be a boring loser if I didn't drink." It's something I struggle with every day and I guess all I can say is this book made me realise I'm not alone. I can't say I'm going to definitely choose to be sober any time soon, but this book made me feel like I *could*.

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

It never ceases to amaze me that although I choose not to drink, I spend a lot of time reading about how and why people don’t and their journeys of recovery. This book is a great read about Catherine’s life before and after getting sober, but it’s also an incredibly practical book with many suggestions for you if you do wish to either cut down or stop drinking. It’s written in a witty and wry way and never judgemental. Interesting and very relevant.

[Magda w RPA · Rating 2 out of 5]

First of all, well done to the author for her sobriety and courage to pen and publish this memoir. Its popularity will hopefully make people notice that as a society we have a problem with alcohol. I don’t think any drugs require encouragement or advertising and it’s sad that people don’t realize that alcohol can be addictive.
The author has a few good points: that it can be a nightmare to have to explain to people why you don’t drink as if you told them you replaced food with the energy of the Sun or something, that alcohol is overrated and that you really can live without it and also that once you have a problem it’s really worth it to quit.
Why two stars then, you wonder? As a person who hasn’t drunk in a year and a half because her drinking was out of control I found the memoir (?) boring, chaotic and slightly fanatic. Quitting is good if you have a problem but if you don’t have a problem it’s okay to have a drink or two or even three from time to time - everything in moderation. Also, life without alcohol is okay and you’re definitely more productive sober (but then again it’s only true if you drank too much often...) but a) neither me nor anyone sober I know is sh*tting rainbows all the time as the author suggests is normal in sobriety, b) avoiding alcohol won’t solve all your problems, as yet again the author seems to suggest and c) this unrealistic view is actually harmful for people who are aspiring to quitting as their high expectations set by such a vision may lead them to a relapse when they’re not met.

[Babs · Rating 4 out of 5]

I saw the author on breakfast TV over the festive period and decided to buy the book after seeing how engaging and down-to-earth she seemed. The book is very much in a similar vein. It’s not at all “preachy” or “annoying” - just sets out Catherine’s story in a way that is easy to relate to. Part autobiography, part health book, there are stories and anecdotes in the book to which we can all relate. While Catherine is now teetotal - and makes no bones about it - this book is useful for anyone who wants to examine their relationship with alcohol a bit further, cut down on drinking and/or give up completely. There’s no set script with the book.

I have to also say I admire Catherine for being so open and honest about her relationship with alcohol and the challenges she’s faced. Laying yourself so bare for the whole world to see takes a lot of guts.

[Grace · Rating 4 out of 5]

My first book of 2020. What a good start. I wasn’t sure about this book, but I wanted to read about sobriety from someone else’s perspective. I turn 23 in a few months, and realized, after an unfortunate series of events, I’m not sure if I’ll be drinking much, if at all. This book is down to earth, and heart-warmingly honest. If you’re considering sobriety, or just want to know more for someone else’s sober journey, I would definitely recommend this one.

[clara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nunca he bebido demasiado pero año estoy bebiendo menos para tener más energía! Me ha gustado mucho reflexionar sobre el tema y aprender sobre la adicción al alcohol. También apoyo mucho la idea de que nos encontramos en un estado más real cuando estamos sobrios, está genial aprender a disfrutar y sentirnos bien sin necesidad de beber! 🥰

[Kerry · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this. It could’ve been a really good long article. There just wasn’t enough there to fill a whole book though so it became repetitive & cliche ridden & a bit cringey.

[Sharon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Catherine Gray became a regular drinker at a relatively young age (her first taste of booze was aged 12), after realising it gave her more self confidence. As an adult, she continued to drink while managing to hold down a series of successful jobs, writing for magazines like Cosmopolitan. Unfortunately, with that kind of job, comes more booze and more access to it - and Catherine realised after a few rock bottom moments that she was an alcoholic.

This is her story to sobriety - it's not remotely preachy, it's an honest account of what she went through and how she maintains her sobriety. Her writing is open, frank, and unapologetic.

Alcohol is something I've always been extra wary of (growing up with an alcoholic parent will do that) but even I found myself nodding along at parts. I reduced my own intake only when I began to have my children - I dread to think about how my life could have gone had I continued to drink the way I did when I was 18/19. This definitely made me examine my own relationship with alcohol and how/why/when I use it.

Catherine discusses some of the tools she used, while stressing that everyone has their own way of recovering. She has words of wisdom for everyone:

" 'Don't burn bridges' is a popular phrase. However, sod that. Some bridges should absolutely be burned. They should be torched until all that remains of them is charred embers whirling around on the wind."

I took a lot from this book, it's one I'll remember.

[Shawna Peryea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Normally towards the end of the year, all goals go out the window. This is the type of book one would read at the start of the year. I never thought about being sober. It didn't cross my mind because I didn't think I had a problem. Until one evening not too long ago left me wanting to stop. It was a scary time, but I knew this was time. I actually had Catherine's book in my queue for a long time and didn't feel the urge to pick it up. Then within the first few minutes of listening to it on Audible, I knew it was a great book to start a new journey with.
Catherine's mix of humor, real-life stories, and the tons of pros and cons all mixed with science was a great read. Thank you so much Ms. Gray for helping so many that are sober curious!

[Terry Pearce · Rating 4 out of 5]

Catherine Gray uses honesty to arresting effect in this really engaging book. She tells her story with no holds barred, and I can't think of a better book to inspire anyone who thinks that their drinking might be a problem. But she goes beyond just horror stories to look at alcohol's role in our society and make you sit up and take notice even if you don't think you're a problem drinker. She also spends a lot of time on the positives and alternatives, making a strong case for the idea that we've all forgotten a little (or never learned) some of the sober social skills that we would've learned in a society with a healthier attitude to drink, and some ideas on how to develop them as things stand. Because of all this, I think this book is for everyone, not just people who worry about their drinking.

A really honest, real read, narrated excellently on the audiobook by the author for an added touch of genuineness, that I'd recommend to anyone, not just people who think they may have a problem.

[Katerina Reem · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a highly vulnerable and insightful memoir into the author's arduous journey from alcohol abuse/addiction to sobriety. She shares her personal experiences and common misconceptions in heavy drinking, the path to recovery, and the benefits of living sober. A great read for those considering dry jan next month!

As someone who isn't crazy about alcohol anyway (despite living in the UK's heavy drinking culture where being bullied is a common reaction from others when turning down a pint lol), this was a surprisingly read when I found out the author was someone who once couldn't bear the thought of living a life without drinking, rather than someone, like me, who could take or leave a pint. She pretty much tackles every issue that comes with alcohol dependency, along with addressing every seed of worry that people confront when deciding to quit. Also kudos to her for writing such a book - this obviously took guts!

Knocking 1 star off from giving this 5 stars as I'm a personal believer of everything in moderation. I understand the author had hard substance addiction issues so had to go stone-cold sober, but I think the majority of people should learn to cut back, as opposed to cutting it out completely, which I felt this book endorsed the latter.

[Tracy S · Rating 3 out of 5]

I couldn’t relate to this book, but I am happy for the author that she is sober and happy. I am reading a lot of “quit lit” lately because I have been thinking a lot about whether I want to spend time—ANY of my precious time—hungover anymore. Alcohol affects my sleep and it makes me worse at parenting. I don’t drink much, so it’s not about needing to cut back or quit due to a dependence or use disorder. But I struggle in social situations—people always seem SO disappointed when I decline a glass of wine! What’s that about? I swear I am fun without it! ;) So, I just find it all so fascinating and want to learn more.

[Di · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. I did enjoy reading this book overall and some of the scientific facts were quite enlightening I have to say. I am not sure what was missing though to give it a full 4 or 5 star review. I did not agree with the author on a couple of points so that might be one reason. I will probably still pick up the other book I had on my tbr forever which is The Unexpected Joy of Being Single, as it was the one I wanted to read from this author in the first place. Overall I had a good time reading this book and I do also recommend it as a gift for any friend/family member who is struggling with alcohol addiction. Even if you're not, still worth it! Alcohol is a socially acceptable drug and that is something we all tend to forget. I am definitely considering more becoming sober for good.

[Dan Sumption · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was sent this book for review, and put off reading it for quite a while because I really hadn't expected to enjoy it. I was wrong. It's wonderfully light-hearted, and not at all preachy (well, maybe a tiny bit, towards the end).

The first part of the book tells Catherine Gray's own story - of her gradual slip into alcoholism, from teenage drinking through parties at the various women's magazines she worked on to habituating night-clubs (solely because that's where you can drink late) to hiding at home with cans of cider. And then of her various attempts at quitting (ending, finally, in success).

The remainder of the book contains tips, lists, and analysis. With the help of three scientists, Gray dips into the psychology and neuroscience of addiction, as well as talking about strategies which worked for her in various situations, such as socializing sober to dating without drink. She is clear at all times that this is just what worked for her, and that other people may need to find different strategies.

A couple of things surprised me about reading this book. Firstly, although I had no intention of giving up booze, I find that I've not felt the urge to drink while reading it or since finishing. Secondly, I have found the advice useful for modifying my behaviour in other ways, in setting goals for myself and sticking to them.

I occasionally found the language of the book a little twee, a little Bridget Jones, but that wasn't enough to diminish the unexpected joy I felt reading it.

[Alyson Edenborough · Rating 4 out of 5]

Let me start by saying I love this book. However I did struggle with some of the writing style and sentence structure, having to reread several passages only to still not get it, which was probably just me. I gave up alcohol, with the aid of another book on the subject 7 weeks ago, and have decided to regularly read other people’s journeys as encouragement. After reading Catherine Gray’s experience, and the first book I read, I’ve come to realise that maybe my relationship with alcohol wasn’t as bad as I thought it was, but I identify so much with some of Catherine’s thought processes during her time of addiction. Her experience emphasised for me that alcohol addiction/dependence is a spectrum, which I was clearly on, and I would probably have got a lot worse had I not stopped drinking when I did.
Catherine and I are vastly different characters, and I don’t know whether this book would have had the same effect on me, I.e quitting alcohol, as the other book I have read on the subject. That book was an autobiographical account of a woman with whom I could more closely identify, and spoke to me more powerfully. But there will be someone who picks this book whose life is more like Catherine Gray’s, and her voice will resonate with them, all books on recovery and addiction have a place. I want to thank Catherine Gray for writing this book, for all the extra reading I’ve picked up from it, and for just encouraging me along the way.

[Laura Jayne Tricker · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the first book on my sober journey and I really needed it. It opened my eyes to the real world of drinking that was causing me to struggle and helped me find solace that I’m not the only one going through this. The casual tone and tips and links are really helpful. My only issues are her obvious privilege, it sometimes felt very out of reach and a little out of touch? and the fact that she’s a white woman continually using the word tribe was frustrating. But all in all a really good start and intro to other books.

[Lucy Moon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the book and found it helpful, and I’m glad there’s now a book from a young, British, female author about sobriety. Many chapters were really interesting and useful, especially towards the end of the book. However - there were chapters that I wish had been approached a bit differently. In particular, the section on the way her wardrobe changed- although she was speaking on her own perceptions of the clothes she used to wear, it comes across quite judgemental. Not everyone who wears short skirts and heels wears them for the approval of men, and they aren’t inherently bad, uncomfortable or promiscuous! The book felt alienating at times, but I understand that it is ultimately a drinking memoir and that my experiences won’t always be reflected.

[Kmack · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed the authors insights about how society dictates the importance and emphasis on alcohol at events, celebrations, fun activities and travel all the while these things are the actual fun! Lots of take away knowledge, facts and also leaves the reader with many questions, in a good way.

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book during my dry January spell and I found it gave me serious food for thought. Catherine's experiences through her drinking were very open and honest. There were some funny stories however some very serious ones which was very brave of her to put in to a book for all to read.
It changed my views on alcohol and my own drinking habits. I do not class myself as a heavy drinker but could definitely see how easy it is to slip in to bad habits and rely on drink to help ease the stresses of a busy life.
I liked how we see Catherine's transformation and the advise she offers in changing your own mind set and using other tools as a coping mechanism for dealing with life.
Shout out to her mum and step dad as it showed having the family support is a huge factor in recovery.
I particularly liked all the famous quotes at the end and the links to further support.
As described by a lot of people in their reviews, this is good book for anyone who is considering cutting down or who want cut out booze altogether.

[Cynthia · Rating 4 out of 5]

No matter where you (or the people you care about) land on the alcohol use disorder spectrum, from zero to ten, Catherine Gray's, the unexpected joy of being sober, is a good read. There's plenty potential applicable benefit in her memoir. You don't have to want or need to quit alcohol to profit from Gray's story, insight, and suggestions. 

The balance of the book is tilted toward how to override an ingrained habit. In response to repetitive acts, our brain does what it is supposed to do, it carves out a familiar route to action, but it's not necessarily helpful. The brain can be retrained, a new path cleared, science at its best.

The book's organization and Gray's writing pattern threw me off in the beginning. A fresh start, post-western U.S. road trip, set me up for a more satisfying experience. I appreciate British humor and colloquialisms. Sometimes, I just need a second chance to settle in. I'm thinking this might be a book for my personal shelf. 

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was the first bit of sober lit I ever read, and it was a choice inspired by Sober October. I liked how the book framed sobriety as “liberation, not deprivation.”

It definitely made me reevaluate some of my attitudes towards alcohol. The way she spoke about “a spectrum of dependency” rather than healthy/unhealthy drinkers made the book very accessible.

If you do a fair bit of self-help and spirituality stuff anyway (as I do, to be honest) then some of the suggestions — like gratitude journaling — will be very familiar, but she also offers really practical advice for specific situations, such as attending a wedding sober.

Lastly, the grimly rendered hangover anecdotes in this book took me back to some of the worst times in my life — I really felt the soul-sucking nausea, dread, and panic all over again! So those descriptions were very effective if they were designed to act as deterrents.

[Lisa Evans · Rating 5 out of 5]

I made a recent decision to cut alcohol completely out of my life. This book has helped beyond words. It has been cathartic yet mortifying to relate to most of what Catherine says about her addiction. It’s made me realise that addiction is not choice, and is something that one should feel ashamed about. Her hints, tips and advice are invaluable and I really feel that without this book, I wouldn’t see this is as such a positive change.
I bought this book because I heard about Catherine from the Happy Place podcast, and boy am I glad I did.
Thank you for making me see the light and for making me feel understood and supported and for all the great advice which I will carry with me through this journey.

[Sharla · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've struggled with how to review this book. It's an important, honest account of getting sober and has a lot of great resources, tips, and insights for anyone who is trying to quit drinking.

What let me down about this book is that there were so many of Ms. Gray's life experiences that I could not relate with. Her drinking was truly ruining her life and she no longer knew who she was (her need for a whole new wardrobe boggled my mind) - that is simply not an experience I can relate to. On the flip side, her "everything is coming up roses" way of life after she stopped drinking seemed too perfect. Maybe if my drinking ever got to the level of hers, it would make more sense, but from where I sit now it didn't seem realistic.

[Max · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really loved this book about sobriety. The author experienced alcoholism herself and writes about her experiences with drinking and becoming sober. It's a great, honest book that gives a realistic perspective on drinking problems. There's many tips and helpful references for when you're trying to be sober yourself!

[Antônio Xerxenesky · Rating 3 out of 5]

Se alguém dissesse ao jovem Antônio que eu estaria lendo autoajuda de sobriedade aos 35 anos, eu ia cair na risada. Mas, cá estou eu, 37 dias sem beber. O livro tem uma parte muito irritante sobre gratidão e pensamento positivo, mas outras dicas úteis e provocou um sentimento de identificação forte.

[Geordie Peacock · Rating 4 out of 5]

My Kindle mysteriously recommended this book to me, and it seemed an appropriate way to kick of January, after another booze-sodden Christmas.
Its an interesting read, that confirms some of my feelings about the UK's deeply unhealthy relationship with alcohol - and perhaps mine, too.

[Erin White · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall a great book for anyone in their sobriety or if you’re sober curious. Similar to her Unexpected Joy Of Being Single she shares her own experiences, good and bad and helpful tips.

She raises a lot of good points around the stigma of not drinking and why there even is one, for example she writes that when she says she doesn’t drink she gets flooded with questions regarding why but if she were a recovering drug addict or had quit smoking she wouldn’t, even though alcohol is an addictive substance.

She explores the relationship we have with sex and dating while drinking vs being sober and how drastically her love life and sexual experiences are now she’s stopped drinking. Which is a topic I’d never considered.

She also questions why alcohol is the only drug in TV and Film that comes really without consequence and how a woman drinking is seductive and sensual when the reality is very different.

She raises a lot of points that push me to stay sober and be proud of it.

My critiques are,

You can tell that she does come from a place of privilege which arguably makes her recovery ‘easier’. She writes frequently about various tropical holidays she’s been on in her early sobriety and how she moved to Bruges just because she wanted to. Recovering from an addiction when you’re working for a high end magazine in London, single and travel frequently is a completely different experience than the ‘average’ person with a minimum wage 9-5 job with two kids.

I know the conversation about not drinking has changed since the book was published but she mentions things such as waiters looking at her in horror when she says she doesn’t want a glass of wine at a wedding, or saying that potential dates will ‘leg it’ once she tells them she doesn’t drink when in reality I don’t think anyone, especially strangers would give it a second thought.

She also mentions that not drinking has changed the way she dresses which I understand but she writes that she’s stopped wearing certain types of underwear or bras etc now which I didn’t think was particularly relevant in a conversation about sobriety.

She says that she absolutely needs to tell people that she doesn’t drink in the way that people carry emergency medication etc when in reality sobriety is a choice.

I will be reading her Joys Of The Ordinary next :)

[Madisen Rauch · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was hesitant to read this book, as the author is a former alcoholic and I didn’t think I’d be able to relate to that extreme. I was so wrong. I would recommend this book to anyone who has asked themselves, “Why do I drink?” or “Would my life be better, sober?”

The deeper I read, the deeper I fell into introspect of my relationship with drinking.

While Catherine does describe the trenches of full-blown alcoholism in the beginning/middle, I felt like it was a necessary predicate to the joys she encounters in her sobriety. Once she quits drinking, she realizes she was never really a party girl in the first place— that initially she drank as a way to seem fun, a way to feel falsely accepted, funny, confident, and sexy - when in reality, alcohol was creating a fabricated sense of these things, turning down the crispness of real life, real emotions, real her. Drinking didn’t make her into the qualities she wanted, it only made her feel like it did, temporarily.

I love the Catherine who “appreciates the world with childlike wonder and a wiser perspective,” who leaves situations she doesn’t want to be a part of, who dances in public when she wants to, and who trusts herself wholeheartedly. All of which she owes to her sobriety.

The biggest theoretical fist pump moment for me was when she said something (and I can’t find the exact quote) along the lines of:
“Drinking blurs the edges, dulls the senses, and makes you feel like your experiencing in black-and-white. Sober feels like you’re living every moment in high-definition.” FUCK.

Another one I love is:
“We're not meant to drink, despite what the world tries to tell us. We're meant to eat, exercise, shag, sleep, love people, stroke animals and drink things that hydrate us rather than dehydrate us.”

So many good quotes in this book, I could go on and ON.

This is one of the most provoking (in the best way) books I’ve read in a really long time and without a doubt, one I’ll come back to.

[Alice Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ll be honest I bought this on my kindle after a few too many g and ts on my birthday because I felt ropey and wanted to cut down on my drinking! However, I found this book surprisingly fascinating and thought provoking. It was really interesting hearing first hand what an alcohol addiction is like. Whilst going through the peak of her addiction, the author had an enviable career writing for one of the UK’s best selling women’s magazines and a supportive network of friends and family. Far from the stereotype of an ‘alcoholic’. This book really made me think about the way that society treats those with an alcohol addiction (and those that choose not to drink!) and it also made me think about my own drinking. The authors tone was completely non judgemental. The book was well researched and I found the chapters on the neuroscience behind drinking (with contributions from a lot of experts) and the statistics really interesting. I would recommend this to anybody, even those that drink a lot and simply want to cut down a bit.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was recommended this book by a sober friend because I’ve been ‘sober curious’ for a while and thinking about either reducing my alcohol intake or giving it up altogether. I found this book really interesting, particularly with regard to how the drinking population views and sometimes treats the sober population, and the far flung implications of our drinking culture from the perpetuation of myths and outright lies about the ‘benefits’ of drinking, to the stranglehold it has on governments. A few of the key takeaways for me: 1) alcohol is a causal factor in more than 60 medical conditions, including 8 types of cancers, 2) it is a highly addictive substance but we seem to think people should be able to drink without forming a dependency and when they don’t, we think these people are boring, weak, and not able to hold their liquor, 3) alcohol dependence is a spectrum, there aren’t just alcoholics and people who can moderate their drinking, 4) Alcohol is the most harmful drug in the world and a class 1 carcinogen, which means it’s as cancer-causing as asbestos and cigarettes, even in moderation, and 5) Gen Y and Gen Z are drinking less than their parents and the expectation is that this will continue so that over the next few decades we might start to think the concept of drinking for fun as weird as we find the concept of smoking in restaurants.