How to Listen and How to Be Heard: Inclusive Conversations at Work

by Alissa Carpenter

For anyone who has ever felt their voice isn't heard at work. This is a guide on how to empower yourself and others to communicate with people who think, act, and experience things differently than you do, and do so with more confidence, candor, and authenticity.

Too often, people avoid difficult conversations; but these discussions often need to happen to bring people together so we can all succeed.

There’s no denying that our workplaces are more diverse than ever. Age, race, gender—there are so many different perspectives and experiences being brought to the table. And the best employees and leaders know that harnessing the power of these differences will build stronger teams, ideas, and organizations. But how do we do this? If we all think, feel, and act so differently, how do we get anything done?

The first step is recognizing that these differences exist. And that they’re here to stay. We need to respect and embrace our varied viewpoints, and then we can start to communicate across (not against) them.

How to Listen and How to be Heard shows you how to bridge the conversation gap and use your unique voice to start powerful conversations. This book is about learning how to communicate with, through, and alongside what makes us different. It’s about open dialogue and practical tools that get everyone on the same page—or at least in the same room. It’s not about quick fixes or the absence of conflict; it’s about working toward authentic communication in the workplace—for managers, employees, and colleagues from all fields. It’s about remembering that we’re all here to work together.

Genres: Nonfiction

256 pages, Paperback

Published May 1, 2020

About the author

Alissa Carpenter is a multigenerational workplace expert, owner of Everything’s Not Ok and That’s OK, and host of Humanize Your Workplace podcast. She provides training, consulting, and speaking services to organizations all over the world. She has an MEd in Social and Comparative Analysis in Education from the University of Pittsburgh and is a Gallup-Certified Strengths Coach. Her work helps to bridge communication gaps across generations, job functions, and geographies, and she has worked with organizations ranging from non-profits to multi-billion-dollar enterprises. She has delivered a TEDx talk on authentic workplace communication, and has been featured in media outlets including Forbes, NPR, ABC, FOX, and CBS. Her book, How to Listen and How to Be Heard: Inclusive Conversations at Work (Career Press), is set to release in May.

Reviews

[John Lim · Rating 5 out of 5]

“How to Listen and How to Be Heard” is an excellent book and aptly titled. The central thesis is that improving communications, vertically and horizontally, within the workplace is the key to happier employees, happier bosses, happier executives, greater productivity, increased profitability, and better overall health for a company or organization.

Carpenter supports this thesis with compelling stories, statistics, and anecdotes from individuals (nicely labeled and boxed as “Human Connections”) representing people across different sectors and positions. She synthesizes complex and nuanced concepts and conveys them in a clear, concise, and digestible manner. Her writing is personable and never dry or detached. Carpenter also provides a helpful glossary and many examples of poor and excellent communication that highlight the principles contained in each chapter.

This is a wonderful book and an important read for any business or organization, big or small.

[Stephanie · Rating 1 out of 5]

Too basic to be of much use.

[James · Rating 1 out of 5]

Basic book about office communication etiquette and how to work for a large, bureaucratic corporation. Not really about listening or being heard. Limited applicability, at best.

This might be useful for people new to the workforce, but even then, the ideas are...dated, overly basic, and sometimes a little cringy. No one is going to tout open office plans for a long time to come. No one. That idea is done.

All the examples felt forced, irrelevant, or...well, frankly, they felt made up. The anecdotes were often boring and not from familiar names in the business (or any other) world. They had no weight behind them.

I wanted to give the author credit for trying to do diversity and inclusion, but it was just done so badly. The intent was good; the impact sucked.

Her source for definitions of LGBTQ terminology should have been GLAAD or PFLAG. The source she used was not good. This is the definition she chose for transgender: "Appearing as, wishing to be considered as,or having undergone surgery to become a member of the opposite sex."

WOW!!! That is hella offensive to people who are transgender. WTF?

Contrast with GLAAD: "Transgender (adj.) An umbrella term for people whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from what is typically associated with the sex they were assigned at birth."

Or with PFLAG: "Transgender: Often shortened to trans. A term describing a person’s gender identity that does not necessarily match their assigned sex at birth."

See how those definitions aren't catty or passive-aggressive? Good. Literally, there is no such thing as the "opposite sex". It's not a binary.

If you can't do diversity and inclusion RIGHT, at least don't teach others to do it WRONG. Go get an education. It's not hard. Really!

I honestly don't know what's wrong with people. Jesus.

Overall, no, I don't recommend this. Not just because of the badly done EDI component, but also because it is too surface level, too much fluff, too old-fashioned, and too boring to read when better books exist. Not applicable to small business, non-profit, or public sector work.

Also, ties in with StrengthsFinder, which is very commercial, and people often have mixed feelings about that.

I hate that books like this keep getting published, that there's no one at the publisher, going, "Yikes! No!" when they see this shit.

[Will Bentley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. Read this book because it came back highly rated on a top ten book list. It was a decent read. This book would be perfect for the person who has never worked in an office setting and has zero social prowess. Carpenter provided a lot of basic info or "norm" practices. "Only use email to get a a quick message or quick reminder out vs using email for lengthy conversations". "Use text messages with millennials and Gen Z-ers". Just a lot of basic info. There were some good topics, like the toxic co-worker section. Otherwise, pretty dull read. If you've had any job where you've worked with several people, then this book is probably not for you.

[Amanda · Rating 2 out of 5]

While there wasn't anything inherently wrong with this book, it was basically a rehash of everything I've heard before about inclusivity in the workplace, and it's only as good as each individual company's management. This was a fair enough way to kill some quiet time, but I won't remember a single thing that stands out about it a week from now.

[Barbara Romo · Rating 2 out of 5]

Management 101, sorry, I don ‘t think I can get past the first chapter.

[Ruth Gilbert · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful and clearly written.

[Devyani Agarwal · Rating 2 out of 5]

1.5 actually
Too basic, not really helpful

[James Marotta · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book presented different scenarios and possibilities for solutions and ideas for implementation.

[Silver Flair · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good starter book for those unused to office settings, states a lot of what other books do as well. Generally good, more about "What not to do" and how to listen, rather than what to say.