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The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People
A modern roadmap to true connection—first by showing up for yourself and then for others
If you’re having trouble connecting with those around you, know that you’re not the only one. Adult friendships are tricky!!! Part manifesto, part guide, The Art of Showing Up is soul medicine for our modern, tech-mediated age. Rachel Wilkerson Miller charts a course to kinder, more thoughtful, and more fulfilling relationships—and, crucially, she reminds us that “you can’t show up for others if you aren’t showing up for yourself first.” Learn to fearlessly . . .
define your needs, reclaim your time, and commit to self-care
ask for backup when times are tough—and take action when others are in crisis
meet and care for new friends, and gently end toxic friendships
help your people feel more seen (and more OK) overall!
If you’re having trouble connecting with those around you, know that you’re not the only one. Adult friendships are tricky!!! Part manifesto, part guide, The Art of Showing Up is soul medicine for our modern, tech-mediated age. Rachel Wilkerson Miller charts a course to kinder, more thoughtful, and more fulfilling relationships—and, crucially, she reminds us that “you can’t show up for others if you aren’t showing up for yourself first.” Learn to fearlessly . . .
define your needs, reclaim your time, and commit to self-care
ask for backup when times are tough—and take action when others are in crisis
meet and care for new friends, and gently end toxic friendships
help your people feel more seen (and more OK) overall!
355 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 26, 2020
847 people are currently reading
12483 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 365 reviews
January 14, 2020
This book hits a lot of things that are at the core of healthy relationships. It spends the first portion delving into what your own needs/boundaries/likes/dislikes are, and the next portion getting into the dynamics of friendship. I thought it had a number of good suggestions, although the tone was a bit more casual than I was expecting, and there was quite a bit of language, which will be a turn-off for some readers (me included).
Not all parts of the book will be relatable for everyone, but every reader will probably find some points that resonate. I thought one of the most practical sections was on what to say and what not to say when a friend is going through a rough time or a big life change. It also makes good use of other source material, such as when it explains "ring theory," the idea that if you're not the central character in a trauma, then yes, you can still complain about how it makes you feel, but only to people less affected by said event. Or the shift vs. support responses. For instance, when a friend says they're exhausted, you could shift the conversation by saying, "Oh, I haven't been sleeping well either," or you can support by asking something like, "Why do you think that is?" The encouragement is to notice things. Notice yourself, notice your friend, and notice what subtle effect your words and actions are having within a situation. It's a point well made.
It also hit on some other behaviors that often feel natural but that actually need to be toned down, such as a barrage of fact-finding questions when you're at a loss for what else to say or do during a rough time, or the temptation to gloss over something when you are, in fact, rather insulted or hurt and need to say something.
Thanks to NetGalley and The Experiment for this digital review copy.
Not all parts of the book will be relatable for everyone, but every reader will probably find some points that resonate. I thought one of the most practical sections was on what to say and what not to say when a friend is going through a rough time or a big life change. It also makes good use of other source material, such as when it explains "ring theory," the idea that if you're not the central character in a trauma, then yes, you can still complain about how it makes you feel, but only to people less affected by said event. Or the shift vs. support responses. For instance, when a friend says they're exhausted, you could shift the conversation by saying, "Oh, I haven't been sleeping well either," or you can support by asking something like, "Why do you think that is?" The encouragement is to notice things. Notice yourself, notice your friend, and notice what subtle effect your words and actions are having within a situation. It's a point well made.
It also hit on some other behaviors that often feel natural but that actually need to be toned down, such as a barrage of fact-finding questions when you're at a loss for what else to say or do during a rough time, or the temptation to gloss over something when you are, in fact, rather insulted or hurt and need to say something.
Thanks to NetGalley and The Experiment for this digital review copy.
January 8, 2020
This is an excellent book for young adults. I am going to have my son read it when he reaches his teen years. The book is divided into two sections. The first section is about showing up for yourself (an often neglected line of thought). The second is about showing up for other people (an increasingly neglected line of thought).
The author’s approach is simple and straight-forward, yet illuminating. I’ve covered much of the material in the book with clients and I appreciate the author’s simple, scaffolded approach. Four stars.
The author’s approach is simple and straight-forward, yet illuminating. I’ve covered much of the material in the book with clients and I appreciate the author’s simple, scaffolded approach. Four stars.
May 29, 2020
I really loved this book. The vast majority of the time I pick up a self-help book, it's a form of continuing education for my psych degree, but this one really did it for me. There's research (yay continuing ed!!), other books to check out, practical advice, and laying out those soft skills that they never explicitly teach you. It's so Millennial I loved it (especially the references to AIM), but that might also make it not-for-you if the casual language of the book isn't your style (I will take the straight talking, jokes, and swearing ANYDAY though). I also really appreciated the secular nature of it too - so many of the books I've picked up have a Christian subtext which is fine, but also not what I came to the party for. I will definitely be checking out any future books she puts out.
I also really appreciated the reminders about showing up for yourself (I made a whole GoogleDoc of SEL ideas for my students), and will also 100% use the sympathy Venmo idea in the future. She has some good ideas and suggestions that were new to me, and does a solid job of explaining why things might happen and how you can respond, but she's not preachy, definitely recognizes everyone is in different shoes/places, and is trying to help people make healthy, affirming decisions/choices.
So, essentially, if you are a Millennial who is here to keep learning and is down with the swearing, pick this up.
Thanks to NetGalley/the publisher for an ARC!
I also really appreciated the reminders about showing up for yourself (I made a whole GoogleDoc of SEL ideas for my students), and will also 100% use the sympathy Venmo idea in the future. She has some good ideas and suggestions that were new to me, and does a solid job of explaining why things might happen and how you can respond, but she's not preachy, definitely recognizes everyone is in different shoes/places, and is trying to help people make healthy, affirming decisions/choices.
So, essentially, if you are a Millennial who is here to keep learning and is down with the swearing, pick this up.
Thanks to NetGalley/the publisher for an ARC!
December 3, 2021
I can't quite put my finger on why I disliked this book as much as I did (a lot). But I think it comes down to judgment. There was a such a lot of it in this book. Judgment about what constitutes a good relationship with yourself, and judgment about what constitutes a good relationship with others. It felt very censoriously-progressive-college-student to me, and I had enough of that when I was, well, a censoriously progressive college student. For a book ostensibly about kindness, this was surprisingly unkind.
August 22, 2020
I was absolutely not expecting to give this book 5 stars, nor was I expecting to put this on my "thought-provoking" shelf, but this is a book I feel everyone needs.
The book /feels/ very written for women even though not once does this book say it's for women, or not for men, or its target audience has a specific gender. I challenge that and it just feels that way because in society we only expect women to have emotional depth, we don't give men nearly as many opportunities to express emotions and invest in their relationships in meaningful, intentional, and vulnerable ways. Honestly I want more men to read this book too. I want my kids to read this book whatever gender them come out to read this book because everyone deserves to get to know themselves better. Everyone should know how to show up for themselves and for their people. Why don't we have more books or magazines or articles about how to be a better friend?
Another concept I took away from the book and really liked is the difference between hobbies and activities. There are hobbies people, and there are activities people. Hobbies are specifically things you do over time to improve and get better at (though being good at a hobby is not a requirement to have a hobby). Where as activities you go out and do it as many times as you want but there's no overarching goal to get better at it. Going to the park to picnic with your friends--Activity! Going to the park to picnic with friends equipped with the tea sandwiches you've been learning to make and improving on--Hobby! And I love this clear differentiation. As a young adult, since graduating college and having more free time on my hands, one of the questions that STILL I feel I can never answer comfortably is "what do you like to do in your free time?" I have hobbies, but also in fact I DO spend a lot of time just doing different and random activities with my friends. And I feel this definition has helped clear up this question for me a lot in regards to how I answer. Do I answer with hobbies or do I answer with activities? Honestly, probably depends on how I'm feeling that day and the person that's asking! But this clear distinction is helpful in knowing myself better.
A friend asked me to summarize the book and honestly I gave the crappiest answer. I still struggle with how to really encapsulate it. It's about confidence, but not really? It's about knowing yourself and how to take care of yourself and your people. It about being honest with yourself about what you want and need so you can be the best version of yourself.
I was also very delighted to realize that I had bought and read the other book she's written (so far she's published 2 books). So I feel like I'm on a similar wave length as her and attracted to her approach to life (which is what both her books are about).
The book /feels/ very written for women even though not once does this book say it's for women, or not for men, or its target audience has a specific gender. I challenge that and it just feels that way because in society we only expect women to have emotional depth, we don't give men nearly as many opportunities to express emotions and invest in their relationships in meaningful, intentional, and vulnerable ways. Honestly I want more men to read this book too. I want my kids to read this book whatever gender them come out to read this book because everyone deserves to get to know themselves better. Everyone should know how to show up for themselves and for their people. Why don't we have more books or magazines or articles about how to be a better friend?
Another concept I took away from the book and really liked is the difference between hobbies and activities. There are hobbies people, and there are activities people. Hobbies are specifically things you do over time to improve and get better at (though being good at a hobby is not a requirement to have a hobby). Where as activities you go out and do it as many times as you want but there's no overarching goal to get better at it. Going to the park to picnic with your friends--Activity! Going to the park to picnic with friends equipped with the tea sandwiches you've been learning to make and improving on--Hobby! And I love this clear differentiation. As a young adult, since graduating college and having more free time on my hands, one of the questions that STILL I feel I can never answer comfortably is "what do you like to do in your free time?" I have hobbies, but also in fact I DO spend a lot of time just doing different and random activities with my friends. And I feel this definition has helped clear up this question for me a lot in regards to how I answer. Do I answer with hobbies or do I answer with activities? Honestly, probably depends on how I'm feeling that day and the person that's asking! But this clear distinction is helpful in knowing myself better.
A friend asked me to summarize the book and honestly I gave the crappiest answer. I still struggle with how to really encapsulate it. It's about confidence, but not really? It's about knowing yourself and how to take care of yourself and your people. It about being honest with yourself about what you want and need so you can be the best version of yourself.
I was also very delighted to realize that I had bought and read the other book she's written (so far she's published 2 books). So I feel like I'm on a similar wave length as her and attracted to her approach to life (which is what both her books are about).
May 12, 2020
The Art of Showing Up is one of those books that I didn't realize how much I needed until I read it. (In fact, I've already referred to it twice for advice since getting my copy a couple of weeks ago.) This book includes the usual friendship advice—on making friends, on breaking up with friends, on dealing with conflict—but it also touches on situations I've never seen written about so practically: how to ask someone which pronouns they use, how to talk to a friend through infertility or miscarriage, how to comfort a friend who's loved one is incarcerated. Where so many books drop the ball, Rachel truly writes with every person and situation in mind. This is such a valuable resource and I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't benefit from reading this book.
January 28, 2021
Ok I really enjoyed this!! Especially part one because I feel like a majority of us “show up” for others, but not for ourselves. ESPECIALLY during this traumatic time! I loved the tips, affirmations, journal entries, and self reflection questions.
I think this is a great read for anyone who wants to truly practice more self care so that they can be the best version of themselves, for THEM. And it pairs perfectly with Digital Minimalism!
I think this is a great read for anyone who wants to truly practice more self care so that they can be the best version of themselves, for THEM. And it pairs perfectly with Digital Minimalism!
June 4, 2022
Lots of practical advice for healthy communication of your feelings and boundaries in friendships, tips on how to show up for yourself and in your relationships with other people. This book prompted a lot of self reflection on scenarios where the author’s advice would have been VERY helpful - but glad to have read it now!
May 25, 2023
3.5 stars, rounded up.
This book wasn’t what I was expecting (a book on making and maintaining friendships), but it was fascinating in an odd way.
The first half of the book is sort of a self-care manual. It contains a great deal of advice on getting to know yourself and your needs. The second half focuses on friendships. It details how to interact with others in a myriad of situations.
Sometimes the book got wordy or too list-like. However, just as my mind began to wander, the author would offer another valuable nugget, and I was interested again. I did feel like there was so much focus on negative situations that people needing advice would simply learn how to drive others away. On the other hand, the specific examples of words and sentences to use in a variety of common situations may be invaluable to those who often feel tongue-tied. Definitely an interesting read.
This book wasn’t what I was expecting (a book on making and maintaining friendships), but it was fascinating in an odd way.
The first half of the book is sort of a self-care manual. It contains a great deal of advice on getting to know yourself and your needs. The second half focuses on friendships. It details how to interact with others in a myriad of situations.
Sometimes the book got wordy or too list-like. However, just as my mind began to wander, the author would offer another valuable nugget, and I was interested again. I did feel like there was so much focus on negative situations that people needing advice would simply learn how to drive others away. On the other hand, the specific examples of words and sentences to use in a variety of common situations may be invaluable to those who often feel tongue-tied. Definitely an interesting read.
November 13, 2025
I think everyone should read this book and I'm about to get it for at least one person as a Christmas present. I think it's important to show up for your "village" and for yourself and it's hard to know how to do that all by yourself, especially if you don't see it in action.
April 22, 2021
Somewhere between the description of the book and the writing of it, something must have changed, because even though the description talks about how to show up in relationships as an adult, reading this made me understand why so many other reviewers mentioned that it would be good for a 12-16 year old. It is definitely written mostly for that level, especially if you imagine the worst of high school (read: toxic, fake friendships, backstabbing, etc.).
So overall just completely not what I expected, but I did finish it and there were a few things mentioned that felt relevant for all ages.
They were:
Showing up for yourself (that is, feeding yourself, getting enough sleep, being kind to yourself, showering) is a prerequisite of being able to show up well for others. It is just hard to be kind and compassionate and generous if we are falling apart.
Ring Theory. When something bad happens, imagine the person (say, the person who just was diagnosed with something) in the center ring. Then the next most impacted person in the next ring. And so on. The rule: comfort in, vent out. You can only vent to people in a less impacted circle than you are. Everyone in your circle and closer you can only comfort.
So overall just completely not what I expected, but I did finish it and there were a few things mentioned that felt relevant for all ages.
They were:
Showing up for yourself (that is, feeding yourself, getting enough sleep, being kind to yourself, showering) is a prerequisite of being able to show up well for others. It is just hard to be kind and compassionate and generous if we are falling apart.
Ring Theory. When something bad happens, imagine the person (say, the person who just was diagnosed with something) in the center ring. Then the next most impacted person in the next ring. And so on. The rule: comfort in, vent out. You can only vent to people in a less impacted circle than you are. Everyone in your circle and closer you can only comfort.
July 29, 2020
My first self-helpy book and while I was apprehensive at first, I was pleasantly surprised (it was still cheesy at points for sure but still useful). The book is direct and demands a lot of self-reflection about things that I typically take for granted or don't feel are worth reflecting on (ex: what kind of small shit do I do every day that I actually hate doing and why am I still doing it and if I have to do it how can I make it better?) I feel like this kind of intentionality can only contribute to greater joy and contentment in everyday life.
The book really shines when talking about relationships with friends - I feel like this is particularly timely advice as I soon move to a new city and attempt to make new friends and try to maintain strong relationships with my friends from afar. What I appreciate most about the book is that the author is always identifying things that we all feel or subconsciously know are true in our friendships but no one actually talks about or tells you how to deal with. It's refreshing
The book really shines when talking about relationships with friends - I feel like this is particularly timely advice as I soon move to a new city and attempt to make new friends and try to maintain strong relationships with my friends from afar. What I appreciate most about the book is that the author is always identifying things that we all feel or subconsciously know are true in our friendships but no one actually talks about or tells you how to deal with. It's refreshing
February 28, 2021
This book is practical, well-written, well-researched, and so important. I hadn’t expected, but really appreciated, the section on taking care of oneself, as the author points out that that’s a critical component in being able to show up for others. I’m glad I purchased a copy of this book because I highlighted the heck out of it. Highly recommend!
September 5, 2020
Brimming with helpful guidance, reminders, and scripts to help learn how to be a better you and a better friend. I want all my friends to read this.
January 3, 2021
A good read to start the new year
I'm trying to keep the stakes low for 2021, but even so this book offers some great reminders and advice about how to care for myself and others. It also makes me excited about being able to actually spend time with friends in real life again.
I'm trying to keep the stakes low for 2021, but even so this book offers some great reminders and advice about how to care for myself and others. It also makes me excited about being able to actually spend time with friends in real life again.
June 20, 2020
A self-help book for modern times (yes, even in the pandemic -- which happened after RWM wrote this!), The Art of Showing Up is about cultivating and nurturing your relationships, starting with the relationship you have with yourself. Normally, self-help books can grind my gears, especially when they err on the side of preachy. This book strikes a nice balance between being overly prescriptive and vaguebooking; one thing that's noticeably refreshing about this book is its emphasis on friendships in the age of adulthood, and how it's so important to nurture and grow your friendships (as well as evaluating and not being afraid to cast a critical eye on your more toxic friendships), as these are relationships that we voluntarily enter and grow as adults. The learnings from The Art of Showing Up aren't tips and tricks I can immediately apply (though the book does leave ample room to talk about effective allyship!), but I do look forward to applying those tweaks and changes into my life to be that much more present.
May 15, 2020
I don't usually read self-help/personal improvement books, but I love Rachel's writing that I've seen across the internet and on her blog so I knew I had to give this a go.
I love the practicality and specificity of this book. You can ask, "what do I do in a situation like *this*?" and Rachel has an answer. It truly is a guidebook to being a good friend and taking care of yourself.
Speaking of taking care of yourself, I so appreciate the way Rachel's approach to this subject. She acknowledges that everyone's different, with different abilities and expectations, but still offers a baseline that makes sense for everyone (really, everyone).
I think anyone would be wise to have a copy of this handy for all of life's tricky circumstances!
I love the practicality and specificity of this book. You can ask, "what do I do in a situation like *this*?" and Rachel has an answer. It truly is a guidebook to being a good friend and taking care of yourself.
Speaking of taking care of yourself, I so appreciate the way Rachel's approach to this subject. She acknowledges that everyone's different, with different abilities and expectations, but still offers a baseline that makes sense for everyone (really, everyone).
I think anyone would be wise to have a copy of this handy for all of life's tricky circumstances!
June 24, 2020
It's a book about friendships. And self-care. And getting to know oneself better. And there are some interesting things here, but mostly in the "be a friend to yourself" section. But YMMV. For me, the part about behaving in friendships was a) obvious and b) too millenial to be universal, but you might feel otherwise.
(Miller, unfortunately, overuses exclamation marks. It took me out of the reading every! single! time!!!)
(Miller, unfortunately, overuses exclamation marks. It took me out of the reading every! single! time!!!)
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March 14, 20244.25 STARS
How this book ended up on my TBR: Anne Helen Petersen referenced this book recently in her newsletter, and my friend Deanna and I briefly discussed it. I was between audiobooks from the library, and I thought I'd pick this up!
Confession: Sometimes, if I'm not entirely digging a book (especially an audiobook), I start to think about what rating I would give it and why, all whilst still listening to the audiobook. That's not a great sign, and yet, I rated this book rather highly.
The idea behind the book is relatively simple. Rachel Wilkerson Miller is a journalist, and her argument is that a person cannot show up properly for their friends (and community) without showing up for themself. The first half of the book is essentially self-care, recognizing your boundaries, finding out what you care about. The second half is how to cultivate your community. Some reviews have called Miller's advice sort of simplistic (appropriate for young adults), but that doesn't make her work any less valid. Miller herself mentions a process that she had to go through when her marriage ended; she had to go through some self-discovery to see what really mattered to her.
I think the self-discovery portion of the book is for anyone who goes through a life change. I found this section personally relevant because I've 1.) recently made a really big move, and 2.) I am forever trying to downgrade the time- and energy-suck that is my work. I've gone through at least two breakdowns, in part because I know I always default to doing more work, and also because I just don't know what to do with myself when not working. (Well, it was more that I don't have a local community I can visit separate from my partner.) I'm in a position now where it's useful for me to really think: how do I want to spend my time? What's important to me? What will help me feel fulfilled?
The second part of this book is useful for anyone who has had any sort of difficulty with past/current relationships, especially friendships. For me, this connects with the first part because I want to prioritize my friendships. But what does that look like? Some of Miller's suggestions feel a little odd to me, but personally, it helped me to remind myself that I value my friendships and that I want the best for my friends. I will complain left and right about this wedding I agreed to be in. But then I felt bad about it, because I did agree to be in the wedding and could have said no, so I really need to just suck it up and accept my decision and be there for my friend. Another time, I was talking with a friend about some difficulties she's been experiencing, and it was on the tip of my tongue to say "you know I'm here for you, right?" But 1.) she was literally talking to me about it, and 2.) her comment wasn't about me. It was about her seeking services to provide her with what she needed. So instead of just thoughtlessly making a comment, I tried to listen and told her how proud I was that she was advocating for herself.
So yes, I found this book helpful. I didn't always love Miller's tone (some of the language just kind of rubbed me the wrong way). And the audiobook narrator was Robin Eller. She was okay, if a bit high pitched, which did not increase my liking for the book. I feel mean for saying that.
--
PS. If you all ever go to The StoryGraph, let's be friends there! Here's my profile.
How this book ended up on my TBR: Anne Helen Petersen referenced this book recently in her newsletter, and my friend Deanna and I briefly discussed it. I was between audiobooks from the library, and I thought I'd pick this up!
Confession: Sometimes, if I'm not entirely digging a book (especially an audiobook), I start to think about what rating I would give it and why, all whilst still listening to the audiobook. That's not a great sign, and yet, I rated this book rather highly.
The idea behind the book is relatively simple. Rachel Wilkerson Miller is a journalist, and her argument is that a person cannot show up properly for their friends (and community) without showing up for themself. The first half of the book is essentially self-care, recognizing your boundaries, finding out what you care about. The second half is how to cultivate your community. Some reviews have called Miller's advice sort of simplistic (appropriate for young adults), but that doesn't make her work any less valid. Miller herself mentions a process that she had to go through when her marriage ended; she had to go through some self-discovery to see what really mattered to her.
I think the self-discovery portion of the book is for anyone who goes through a life change. I found this section personally relevant because I've 1.) recently made a really big move, and 2.) I am forever trying to downgrade the time- and energy-suck that is my work. I've gone through at least two breakdowns, in part because I know I always default to doing more work, and also because I just don't know what to do with myself when not working. (Well, it was more that I don't have a local community I can visit separate from my partner.) I'm in a position now where it's useful for me to really think: how do I want to spend my time? What's important to me? What will help me feel fulfilled?
The second part of this book is useful for anyone who has had any sort of difficulty with past/current relationships, especially friendships. For me, this connects with the first part because I want to prioritize my friendships. But what does that look like? Some of Miller's suggestions feel a little odd to me, but personally, it helped me to remind myself that I value my friendships and that I want the best for my friends. I will complain left and right about this wedding I agreed to be in. But then I felt bad about it, because I did agree to be in the wedding and could have said no, so I really need to just suck it up and accept my decision and be there for my friend. Another time, I was talking with a friend about some difficulties she's been experiencing, and it was on the tip of my tongue to say "you know I'm here for you, right?" But 1.) she was literally talking to me about it, and 2.) her comment wasn't about me. It was about her seeking services to provide her with what she needed. So instead of just thoughtlessly making a comment, I tried to listen and told her how proud I was that she was advocating for herself.
So yes, I found this book helpful. I didn't always love Miller's tone (some of the language just kind of rubbed me the wrong way). And the audiobook narrator was Robin Eller. She was okay, if a bit high pitched, which did not increase my liking for the book. I feel mean for saying that.
--
PS. If you all ever go to The StoryGraph, let's be friends there! Here's my profile.
October 23, 2020
I knew I wanted to read this book when I saw the title. This book is great for those who enjoy self help books and don't mind profanity, as the author uses it frequently. I think the target audience for this book is a female Millennial.
Things that are good:
-Miller gives great examples of how to establish boundaries and express yourself. This is great for those of us who feel uncomfortable about burdening others with our problems and concerns.
-Miller normalizes being alone and doing things by yourself. This is very important because a lot of people are codependent and afraid to do things by themselves.
-This book encourages you to be yourself.
- Miller gives a lot of great recommendations for other self help books.
- Miller is really funny. I enjoyed the stories that accompanied the tips- especially the one about peeing.
- I really enjoyed her advice about spending more time interacting with nature and drinking more water.
- There is some really helpful information in this book, such as warning signs for medical emergencies.
If you are in the market for an Adulting guidebook, this is a great choice. Miller provides a lot of helpful advice and information that you can refer back to whenever you need help. "The Art of Showing Up" is essentially your older sister here to give you advice on various life problems and situations.
Things that are good:
-Miller gives great examples of how to establish boundaries and express yourself. This is great for those of us who feel uncomfortable about burdening others with our problems and concerns.
-Miller normalizes being alone and doing things by yourself. This is very important because a lot of people are codependent and afraid to do things by themselves.
-This book encourages you to be yourself.
- Miller gives a lot of great recommendations for other self help books.
- Miller is really funny. I enjoyed the stories that accompanied the tips- especially the one about peeing.
- I really enjoyed her advice about spending more time interacting with nature and drinking more water.
- There is some really helpful information in this book, such as warning signs for medical emergencies.
If you are in the market for an Adulting guidebook, this is a great choice. Miller provides a lot of helpful advice and information that you can refer back to whenever you need help. "The Art of Showing Up" is essentially your older sister here to give you advice on various life problems and situations.
April 15, 2021
Such an important and vital book.
As I was reading I kept wishing I had read this book before covid. Then I wished I had read it in early covid - it would have help guide and instill confidence in those conversations with friends about forming or not forming a pod with them. But I’m so glad to have gotten to read it now as the world slowly and tentatively begins to re-open and our friendships will migrate from zoom and FaceTime and other apps back to in person. I am so glad to have this guide to help navigate those journeys not back, but forward into a new world of friendship. Those that endured. Those that strengthened. And even those that began during this time of incredible isolation.
I found myself wanting to send a copy of this book to all my closest friends and ask them to read it so we could process and debrief and discuss how we already show up for each other and how we could be even better in doing so. I definitely snapped some photos and sent them to my Deep Shallow Companion™️
Even more valuable was the first section of this book that focuses on showing up for oneself. As a femme and a woman this is often something difficult to do - the standards and expectations seem impossible and I often give up and don’t try rather than face imperfection. Miller’s gentle but firm (compassionate in the truest sense of the word a la Neff and Germer) approach truly moved me and sent me to my journal for some introspection (shout out to Miller’s other book Dot Journaling!).
Finally, as a therapist, there are very few clients I serve that I don’t think would benefit immensely from this book. It is always wonderful to add to my self of recommendations especially for books that don’t feel like a self-help book but rather a wise friend sitting you down and saying some really smart stuff that has you nodding and mmmhmming.
Highly recommend.
As I was reading I kept wishing I had read this book before covid. Then I wished I had read it in early covid - it would have help guide and instill confidence in those conversations with friends about forming or not forming a pod with them. But I’m so glad to have gotten to read it now as the world slowly and tentatively begins to re-open and our friendships will migrate from zoom and FaceTime and other apps back to in person. I am so glad to have this guide to help navigate those journeys not back, but forward into a new world of friendship. Those that endured. Those that strengthened. And even those that began during this time of incredible isolation.
I found myself wanting to send a copy of this book to all my closest friends and ask them to read it so we could process and debrief and discuss how we already show up for each other and how we could be even better in doing so. I definitely snapped some photos and sent them to my Deep Shallow Companion™️
Even more valuable was the first section of this book that focuses on showing up for oneself. As a femme and a woman this is often something difficult to do - the standards and expectations seem impossible and I often give up and don’t try rather than face imperfection. Miller’s gentle but firm (compassionate in the truest sense of the word a la Neff and Germer) approach truly moved me and sent me to my journal for some introspection (shout out to Miller’s other book Dot Journaling!).
Finally, as a therapist, there are very few clients I serve that I don’t think would benefit immensely from this book. It is always wonderful to add to my self of recommendations especially for books that don’t feel like a self-help book but rather a wise friend sitting you down and saying some really smart stuff that has you nodding and mmmhmming.
Highly recommend.
November 12, 2021
A very affirming guide on how to both be there for yourself and your friends. It's very low-fluff and is packed with solid advice on how to nurture both friendships and the relationship one has with themself. This is definitely one of my favorite books of this type that I've read.
While it wasn't earth-shattering, it's still a concise and practical guide for approaching all sorts of situations within different platonic relationships. I learned quite a few things and it's a fairly thought-provoking text in general, providing ample inspiration for further musing. There was also a substantial part of the book that was dedicated to the topic of self-care and the necessity of having a good relationship with yourself, which I found quite valuable, as it really does lay the foundation for all of one's other relationships.
I do wish there had been more time and space devoted to online friendships, since they come with their own unique challenges and rewards, but, overall, I think this book is an excellent resource as it is.
4.25 stars
While it wasn't earth-shattering, it's still a concise and practical guide for approaching all sorts of situations within different platonic relationships. I learned quite a few things and it's a fairly thought-provoking text in general, providing ample inspiration for further musing. There was also a substantial part of the book that was dedicated to the topic of self-care and the necessity of having a good relationship with yourself, which I found quite valuable, as it really does lay the foundation for all of one's other relationships.
I do wish there had been more time and space devoted to online friendships, since they come with their own unique challenges and rewards, but, overall, I think this book is an excellent resource as it is.
4.25 stars
April 26, 2022
Maybe not as revolutionary as the blurb says but a solid and thoughtful book. I always appreciate these types of books as an opportunity to intentionally reflect on own practices. I liked the frame of "showing up" for self and others. I found myself being more mindful in conversations with friends to listen and show up and not reflect back to myself by relating with a similar experience. I really would like to continue to follow some of the advice given. Some was a bit over the top but perhaps I'm just lucky to not experience those over the top situations in my life.
March 2, 2023
Not quite what I was looking for but glad to have discovered it regardless. This is a great reference book filled with social scripts for all occasions, and the first half is an excellent self-care manual to boot. Thoughtfully constructed and full of references to other works for more in depth reading. Miller clearly put a lot of work into this.
I would not recommend the audio version in most cases as not only is the content not suitable to the format but I found the reader's voice and delivery to be a mismatch with the tone of the book. It's jarring to hear somebody who sounds like a cartoon kindergarten teacher deliver the f-bomb repeatedly.
I would not recommend the audio version in most cases as not only is the content not suitable to the format but I found the reader's voice and delivery to be a mismatch with the tone of the book. It's jarring to hear somebody who sounds like a cartoon kindergarten teacher deliver the f-bomb repeatedly.
July 1, 2020
This was a great read, especially contextualizing it now with social distancing and coronavirus making friendships even harder to maintain. This is a great book for brainstorming ways to really show up for your friends, and makes it much easier to tell your friends what you need from them. Easy to read, funny and insightful.
March 24, 2021
I love everything RWM writes and this book was no exception! The Art of Showing Up is packed with practical advice and thoughtful essays on self care and friendship. The section on Dos and Don’ts of showing up for friends’ big life events (e.g., serious illness, job loss, adopting a child) is a particularly good road map, and the whole book is wonderful at providing the words to communicate what you need. Will definitely be a library-to-buy!
May 16, 2023
I started listening to this book back at the beginning of May.it was truly a delightful listen.i enjoyed the examples.i feel like I would have given this book a 4 had I read the physical book. Regardless,a great read
January 6, 2024
Highly recommend this book! There are a lot of really good takeaways from this book in regard to showing up for yourself and others. This is definitely a book that I plan to look back on or even reread in the future
March 24, 2024
this was such a good book on healthy friendships and having a healthy relationship with yourself. I absolutely loved it. I will definitely reread this one day.
February 13, 2024
Highly recommend this book to all!
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