A Midlife Cyclist: My two-wheel journey to heal a broken mind and find joy

by Matt Oldfield

Rachel is a cyclist. But she was never meant to be.

After gaining mental strength and healing through running, she thought she was free. Her depression alleviated, she came off antidepressants, winning races and collecting medals at marathons.

But when an injury stopped the only thing helping to quiet the voices in her brain, Rachel found out what she is truly made of. As body dysmorphia began to grip her in earnest, she knew she had to find a different way to kick her mental health demons for the sake of her sanity.

So, she went down to her cellar, heaved out her old bike, and started pedalling.

Like her life depended on it.

A Midlife Cyclist is a tale of two wheels, across the Yorkshire Dales, Vietnam,­ Costa Rica and beyond, and a rider in search of peace.

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Cycling, Memoir

336 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 1, 2020

Reviews

[KJ · Rating 2 out of 5]

Tried hard but couldn’t finish. Sympathy evoking but so self indulgent it became unbearable.

[Kirsty Darbyshire · Rating 3 out of 5]

I came for a story about cycling, and this was mostly a story about fighting body dysmorphia. Which was all good and interesting but I found it all a bit disjointed.

Perhaps my sense of disjointness is because I hadn't realised the author had written a previous book about running, and this is a follow up about what happened when she found herself injured and couldn't run. I'm not sure how much I missed out on by jumping into her tale here, or whether there was a lot of repeated content from the first book. There is quite a lot that's more about running than cycling.

Or perhaps my sense of disjointness is because there are some pretty wild leaps here. I didn't find it surprising when she struggled with a night mountain bike ride, the pedestrians on a canal towpath, or main road lorries. But then it leapt to cycling up volcanoes in Costa Rica, and even though she was pointing out how she'd underestimated the challenge, I rather struggled to believe that anyone could really underestimate by that much.

I'm glad she enjoyed the cycling in the end. Cycling's my happy place, I want more people to find that happy place too. There's a section at the beginning about enjoying a ride through Vietnam which sounded glorious, but the book doesn't get back to that ride as it stops after the Costa Rica trip, which seemed odd. I was reading on waiting to find out more about that. Her family and friends get short shrift too. Her partner remains a shadowy figure, I'm guessing by choice, but sometimes details are introduced and not followed up, and things just felt unfinished.

All in all this felt more like binging on someone's blogposts than reading a book. And it's more about mental health than cycling. And both of those are absolutely fine, I guess I think the book could have used better editing if anything. And I should probably read some more books about travels by bike.

[Gwen Gillham · Rating 1 out of 5]

Thought I’d find some solace in this book as a runner who can no longer run, though that’s probably the thing that made it hit such a nerve. Couldn’t get on board with the absolutes eg the WORST thing to ever happen, I’ll NEVER run again. Made it feel simplistic. Not for me.

[Nel · Rating 4 out of 5]

(to all my irl friends who follow me: sorry, I only read running/sports books. No political essays, no "literature". The hyperfixation is strong 👀)

(Und freue mich aber auch über Empfehlungen, gerne Sachen die nicht so "heavy" sind, also die einen packen und irgendwie locker flockig zu lesen sind 🙂‍↕️)

[Rita Egan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has inspired me to dig my bike out from the back of the shed and plot a few loops around my locality after the development of heel spurs has brought my walking days to a screeching halt. I wasn't expecting the deep dive into the thoughts and feelings of the author as she battled her way through trying to overcome her crippling body dysphoria to be the major theme in the book as I had been drawn to it by the title and expected more midlife crisis angst, and if I'd had to rate it at the 30% in stage, I might not have been kind. However I'm really glad I kept reading because it was worth the pain of living through the every day agonies the author experiences in order to fully appreciate the joy of each mini victory over her Bastard Chimp. I have such admiration for her.

[Amy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not for me this one… I think I’ll be repeating bastard chimp monkey in my sleep for months to come.

As a runner turned cyclist myself and as someone who got excited to read this journey by someone else, but felt it was too drawn out and self indulging, but overall quite depressing.

[Tanya · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not what I expected from the title or synopsis.
I thought this would be more about exploring cycling as a new sport and recreational activity. Rather this was more about being depressed that she couldn’t run because of injury and the need to confront body dysmorphia.
While the book is valid it did not come across as the premise of the book.
Also she seemed to learn basic lessons by doing things that were intuitively stupid like riding between two people and being knocked off her bike. Of course she ended up with gravel rash she hit someone trying to squeeze through a small space and floored herself.

It was nice reading about the ride through Costa Rica but it clearly wasn’t the right ride for her as it was not a beginner ride.

[Cheryl · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was looking forward to reading this, as a retired trail runner turned to trail cycling, but I didn't enjoy it. i did finish it because i wanted to see if it became more uplifting, or empowering.

I understand the barriers that mental health present to some, & the unhealthy notion that running is a mental health saviour (it isn't always) but at times, I felt Rachel to be very selfish & and almost needy, and she came across as unreasonably envious to other women's achievements.

Imo, it was more about Rachels' MH problems & self esteem than it was cycling.

[Jon S · Rating 1 out of 5]

Got about halfway through this audiobook and jeez was it heavy going. Only at the midpoint did the writer even start getting back into biking!

The first half of the book was very heavy going with the writer diving into her mental health and body dysmorphophobia diagnosis, which is great and encouraged to freely speak about, but as I was anticipating a more travel-based piece of writing (and having ongoing MH issues myself), it really was a down-trodden and heavy first half to get through.

I guess the travel writing may pick up in the second half as the writer gets properly back into cycling, but I was checked out and haven't completed it (also going by other reviews it seems to not be the case that much travel is written about).

The writing style irked me a bit too, feeling almost like various posts from a blog thrown-together, and (mentioned in other reviews), very self-indulgent. Going alongside the self-indulgence some of the decisions in her journey are incredibly dumb and almost highlighted to try and grab readers sympathy; ignoring doctors advice (from whom someone she says she greatly respects, but then in the next sentence tries to pre-empt what the Dr will say in reply), diving moronically into the deep end without slow meaningful progression (her first ride in years was at night, up a small "mountain" over off-road terrain, oh and she didn't own he own bike..)

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have not been able to run again after completing my first marathon at 50. At the time I thought that this was a disasaster, but I fell back on my lifetime passion of cycling. And I love adventure stories involving physical effort - the more pain and suffering the better:) So I thought this book should be a great read. Unfortunately, the first 2/3 of the story were overly detailed and, frankly, page flippingly boring. It may have been cathartic for the author to write, but not enthralling to read. However, the last 1/3 where she rides a bike across Costa Rica is adventure writing at its best - hence the 4 stars.

[Tuesday · Rating 3 out of 5]

On a personal level, this book really hit home for me. From having a bit of a rollercoaster myself when it came to mental health and exercise helping me throughout, it was great to read someone else’s story too.
Mid-life Cyclist is Rach’s story. It’s Rach’s battle with her crippling body dysphoria (which I didn’t know much about prior to reading this book, so I found it very informative) and her battle everyday with her ‘Bastard Chimp’. Rachel’s honesty and openness about how she gets by and how she slowly but surely starts to overcome her mental hurdles makes this a great read.

[Essie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was hoping for an account of Rachel's travels on a bike but got something so much more. Having said that, I don't think it was good to listen to during lockdown #6! The blurb mentions Vietnam where I have been and loved- even did some cycling there. Sadly Rachel DIDN'T go there..... I found her to be a little naive when she finally gets round to telling us about Costa Rica, a trip booked on a whim! The 'other half' doesn't get a name or does she lean on him for support in her most darkest hours. A somewhat sad tale really.

[Adam Quek · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love how Rachel described her journey for cycling. It makes me regret not journaling down my experiences as a beginner cyclist in 2018 and my own doom and gloom in my overseas cycling adventure. Her adventure also makes me reflect and feel more about my connection with my cycling friends. Definitely a great read for anyone who is in it for a cycling adventure.

The book of course is on mental health challenges. I can only empathise with the challenges she was facing, as I'm sure my worst mental health struggle is child play to her own daily battles.

[M P Foster · Rating 5 out of 5]

A “lucky dip” type of choice. Brilliant in hindsight!

I needed cycling books to read while on holiday. I came upon this totally by chance and was immediately immersed in Rachel’s story and her conquering of several things:- saying goodbye to her running curve, taking on cycling from zero to total success, seeking remedy for BDD… the list of things she achieves is limitless AND she recounts it convincingly. Yup, I can see it being bought for others as birthday or Christmas presents.

[Paula Madigan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved Rachel’s first book but I found this one difficult to gel with.
It felt like she held a lot back, what was going on in her relationship and it also didn’t really feel like she had conquered all of her issues. Pushing through the pain and actively seeking suffering to be able to feel anything seems like there is still more going on. I say this with love as I really liked the transparency and relatability of the first book. I just hope you are okay rachel

[Eileen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was hoping for a book that would keep me interested and where I would both learn something and maybe find something personally encouraging. Unfortunately I could not find any inspiration in this book. I couldn’t empathise with Rachel at all and found the writing dull and repetitive. While her condition perhaps played a part in her self absorption I found her account of the impact tedious and her frequent use of unnecessary expletives annoying.

[Andy · Rating 4 out of 5]

personal account of athlete, dealing with body dismorphia and her mental health through exercise, and the impact having to stop running through injury had, regressing her.
Eventual realisation that she was disguising rather than dealing with the problems, her inner "bastard monkey" alway insisting she's not enough, and then helping address this by embarking on CBT and picking up cycling along the way

[Lorraine Tracey]

An odd choice for me, but I want to learn more about Mental Health and personal journey's on how
different people cope with their own situations.

This story blew me away.
Courage, determination, sadness, joy, laughter

WOuld love to meet Rachel and shake her hand.

Great work and I am sure is a beautiful person, inside and out :)

[Gráinne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyed this book right up until the end when I just got irritated. Interesting up to then, and quite the insight to a horrible mental hamster wheel we can get ourselves into. Glad the author made such huge strides and was able to share the story.

[Victoria Gibbs · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you want to read about someone completing a therapy journal for body dysmorphic disorder, long detailed accounts of how to change gear on a bike, then a cyling holiday blog... then this is for you. Meh, it was OK.

[mr m i wakefield · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny, compelling and enjoyable read.

[Cheryl Kaye · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't love it as much as the first book but it was still a fascinating look at overcoming BDD.

[Shubheksha · Rating 2 out of 5]

Actual: 2.5
Some good parts, but overall the book is very slow and scattered.

[Emina · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this, and kept pushing myself to read on in hope that it would get better. Sadly, it didn‘t quite work for me, but the rambly chatter might work for others...

[Becca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Shows the importance of exercise, challenging yourself and how both can help with mental health struggles

[Lindy wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this....moving, inspiring and hilarious.

[Robyn Brown · Rating 1 out of 5]

All power to the author for working hard to reestablish her mental health. I struggled with the repetitiveness of the self focus. Enjoyed the bike ride description more.

[T Cothey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Surprisingly thought provoking. Not enough cycling though!

[Carlene Alexander · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like that this book had so many elements: taking up cycling, mental illnessBDD and therapy and travel. I liked it enough to want to read her other book

[Laura Flint · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook version of this and it was really great! So much valuable insight into living with body dismorphia and addiction to exercise. Learnt some great things from this!