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Mixed Feelings
The internet has changed us all, creating a new layer of perfectionist pressure in every aspect of our lives, but equally enabling us to share resources, opinions, help and information more quickly than ever before. Are we supposed to love it, or leave it? Is it ever possible to do both? Like all of their generation, Naomi Shimada and Sarah Raphael have grown up on the internet, and now work closely with it every day. Sarah's work as a journalist brings her into contact with the outer reaches of the internet as well as its inner workings; graph upon graph revealing to her what people most want to read today (hint: its usually a story about a relationship car crash). In her work as a model and positivity advocate, Naomi talks to people all over the world through her sunny, colourful Instagram account; people who rely on her cheerfulness to help them. In Mixed Feelings, they explore what the internet might be doing to our minds, bodies and hearts, through wide-ranging essays and discussions featuring a range of perspectives and voices. A bible for those who refuse to fit into any box, this is a celebration of difference and a challenge to the status quo – a bulwark against the onslaught of images of perfectionism and aspiration we are bombarded with on a daily basis.
256 pages, Kindle Edition
Published September 19, 2019
21 people are currently reading
847 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
July 4, 2022
I picked up Mixed Feelings after it caught my eye in the library, as I wanted some non-fiction. It’s a collection of interview and first person material on various sub-topics (bodies, work, leisure, etc) of how young women feel about social media. I found it surprisingly disconcerting, as it isn’t about social media really – it’s about Instagram. The authors and interviewees all appear to treat Instagram as their main social media platform. I’ve never used it, so found this insight into its culture anthropologically interesting and alarming. The structure, format, and algorithms of different social media platforms fundamentally shape the norms and culture that they develop. I am accustomed to twitter, which is more about short-form shrieking, than the polished visuals that apparently predominate on Instagram.
Despite this unfamiliarity, the book makes some thoughtful points that apply more widely to social media. On the downside, it is structured more like a pile of qualitative evidence than as a qualitative analysis, so can be a bit repetitive. Surveillance capitalism is only touched upon. Obviously, all this data we are putting into social media is owned by three vast companies who use it to monopolise our attention and sell us shit, but the book is most interested in the personal emotional impacts of this. That’s also a valid research area, of course, and there are some insightful comments. Yumina Al-Arashi on selfies:
I found the chapter covering social media mental health ‘awareness’ especially interesting. The authors examine the ambivalence and risks of openness about mental illness on social media well. There is a particularly thoughtful examination of who sees such posts: friends, relatives, acquaintances, co-workers, and complete strangers.
Everything about this is wild to me – posting a selfie of yourself crying in the name of mental health awareness, having a bikini waxer (or indeed getting a bikini wax), random acquaintances following you on social media, etc. It is nonetheless fascinating to read the introspection of a digital media professional for whom it is all normal everyday stuff, because writing essays about incredibly personal topics is a big part of their job:
My answer to that first question would be: as little as possible. In the professional world, I prefer to be an enigma and thankfully my job allows for this. And I wonder, how do people assess the potential helpfulness of their experiences to others? On what basis could you determine that?
The leisure chapter goes into detail about influencers, who I don't find particularly interesting. The most notable angle comes from an advertising executive:
This seems wilfully naïve or just misleading. First of all, influencers deliberately elide the transactional nature of their work via parasocial relationships. Secondly, that theoretical ‘somewhere else’ doesn’t currently have a business model. How could you remove the commerce from social media platforms that are built on data-harvesting and targeted advertising? Alternatives are undoubtedly possible, indeed they existed twenty years ago, but I doubt the big five tech companies would let them grow much before buying them for their data. What the current combination of purposes and uses for social media amounts to is a commodification of friendship and social interaction. Influencers are a specific manifestation of this.
Some of the material in Mixed Feelings is interesting for being introspective and ambivalent. Some of it is terrifying for a seeming lack of awareness that social media is not a neutral space. Social media platforms are vast businesses, run to maximise shareholder returns and stock prices. My jaw dropped at this from Naomi Melati Bishop:
Social media is a multi-billion dollar business that has deepened political divisions across the world. It enables the spread of divisive lies that poison political debate and undermine democracy. How this can be reconciled with ‘promoting a global culture of peace’ is beyond my understanding. This writer could consider more deeply the sources of her uneasiness, as spirituality is not immune to politics and economics.
Perhaps this also speaks to the specificity of the book: focused on Instagram, which gives the impression of being particularly narcissistic, and on the personal feelings of a group of young women who are so online that their career is dependent upon social media. Where these feelings are discussed in a self-aware manner that acknowledges wider issues with social media, there are valuable insights. Where that is not the case, I found the book depressing. The final chapter, on the future of social media, is undoubtedly the weakest as it consists only of snippets. While these contain a few practical ideas for improving social media (e.g. removing visible likes), most are vague aspirations of individual behavioural change. Overall, Mixed Feelings contains some thought-provoking writing on the emotional impact of (some) social media on specific people, however it does not really do what is claimed on the back cover: challenge the status quo. For that, I'd suggest Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World, The People Vs Tech: How the Internet Is Killing Democracy, and The Age of Surveillance Capitalism: The Fight for a Human Future at the New Frontier of Power.
Despite this unfamiliarity, the book makes some thoughtful points that apply more widely to social media. On the downside, it is structured more like a pile of qualitative evidence than as a qualitative analysis, so can be a bit repetitive. Surveillance capitalism is only touched upon. Obviously, all this data we are putting into social media is owned by three vast companies who use it to monopolise our attention and sell us shit, but the book is most interested in the personal emotional impacts of this. That’s also a valid research area, of course, and there are some insightful comments. Yumina Al-Arashi on selfies:
Something deep inside of me screams that the image of the woman is still not our own. I fear that our false sense of empowerment is a temporary high from an ego-rewarding consumerist society. I fear that the benefactors from the image of the woman still lie in a heavily patriarchal system where our bodies are owned in order to be exploited. I can’t confidently say that creating gender balance in the corporate world makes things better if the original framework for capitalism remains the same.
On the surface, our empowerment in the types of bodies we can showcase and honour feels like a beautiful step towards women feeling confident in the skin they are in. Women can find role models and communities where they feel truly represented. This is something to stand up for – a truly remarkable feat – but for who? The underbelly of this accomplishment is a true reflection of the consumerist society we live in. We feel the need for all media and advertising to represent us because we want to participate as consumers, and thus we’ve allowed a world to exist where corporations rule the images we see before us every day. Is this empowerment?
I found the chapter covering social media mental health ‘awareness’ especially interesting. The authors examine the ambivalence and risks of openness about mental illness on social media well. There is a particularly thoughtful examination of who sees such posts: friends, relatives, acquaintances, co-workers, and complete strangers.
The reason I posted the photo [of myself crying] was because I was trying to be honest in a dishonest digital world, and yet there was an element of phoniness to it that I later regretted. I very much want to destigmatise mental health and to encourage people to share difficult feelings, because if you keep those feelings inside they can harm you and those you love. But was feeding Instagram my own personal sadness the right way to do it?
Among the 66 comments was one from my bikini waxer, a woman I trust implicitly, who wrote, ‘Every single person experiences mental health, babe. Some like to express their feelings, some don’t.’ I felt embarrassed, like I’d been melodramatic.
Everything about this is wild to me – posting a selfie of yourself crying in the name of mental health awareness, having a bikini waxer (or indeed getting a bikini wax), random acquaintances following you on social media, etc. It is nonetheless fascinating to read the introspection of a digital media professional for whom it is all normal everyday stuff, because writing essays about incredibly personal topics is a big part of their job:
How much do you really want your colleagues and bosses, or future colleagues or bosses, to know about you? In this digital age, this question has evolved to become: how much do you want any stranger on the internet to know about you? I think it comes down to how helpful your experiences can be to others. And to how you’d feel if your personal essay went viral – or if the only three people who read it were your mum, your future boss, and a stranger with whom it resonated deeply.
My answer to that first question would be: as little as possible. In the professional world, I prefer to be an enigma and thankfully my job allows for this. And I wonder, how do people assess the potential helpfulness of their experiences to others? On what basis could you determine that?
The leisure chapter goes into detail about influencers, who I don't find particularly interesting. The most notable angle comes from an advertising executive:
The model in which [influencers] work will evolve. It’s a new form of media: a new way we’re being sold things; and a new way we engage with things. I think it will become much more transactional. I think somewhere down the line, we’ll have two forms of social media – ‘I want to go on holiday, so I’ll go on social media and research it there and book it within the app’. And then friends, memes, and lols will be somewhere else. Right now it’s masquerading as one thing, but I think it will split.
This seems wilfully naïve or just misleading. First of all, influencers deliberately elide the transactional nature of their work via parasocial relationships. Secondly, that theoretical ‘somewhere else’ doesn’t currently have a business model. How could you remove the commerce from social media platforms that are built on data-harvesting and targeted advertising? Alternatives are undoubtedly possible, indeed they existed twenty years ago, but I doubt the big five tech companies would let them grow much before buying them for their data. What the current combination of purposes and uses for social media amounts to is a commodification of friendship and social interaction. Influencers are a specific manifestation of this.
Some of the material in Mixed Feelings is interesting for being introspective and ambivalent. Some of it is terrifying for a seeming lack of awareness that social media is not a neutral space. Social media platforms are vast businesses, run to maximise shareholder returns and stock prices. My jaw dropped at this from Naomi Melati Bishop:
The idea of social being an unstoppable force, a valuable tool for expanding our worldview, resonates with me. After seeking insight from various shamans, gurus, and muses, I turned to myself to ask why social media’s role in spiritual growth makes me so uneasy. I suppose it’s unsettling to think that the soul-enriching and life-saving activities I’ve long valued could be a fleeting trend.
But by posting spiritual experiences – regardless of our underlying intentions – we are ultimately promoting a global culture of peace, not violence. We are celebrating self-evolution, not stagnancy. We are advocating healing, not inflicting pain. The willingness to be an open book and expose fragility takes depth, strength, and courage – and also encourages others to be more open. How we decide to use social media is in our hands.
Social media is a multi-billion dollar business that has deepened political divisions across the world. It enables the spread of divisive lies that poison political debate and undermine democracy. How this can be reconciled with ‘promoting a global culture of peace’ is beyond my understanding. This writer could consider more deeply the sources of her uneasiness, as spirituality is not immune to politics and economics.
Perhaps this also speaks to the specificity of the book: focused on Instagram, which gives the impression of being particularly narcissistic, and on the personal feelings of a group of young women who are so online that their career is dependent upon social media. Where these feelings are discussed in a self-aware manner that acknowledges wider issues with social media, there are valuable insights. Where that is not the case, I found the book depressing. The final chapter, on the future of social media, is undoubtedly the weakest as it consists only of snippets. While these contain a few practical ideas for improving social media (e.g. removing visible likes), most are vague aspirations of individual behavioural change. Overall, Mixed Feelings contains some thought-provoking writing on the emotional impact of (some) social media on specific people, however it does not really do what is claimed on the back cover: challenge the status quo. For that, I'd suggest Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World, The People Vs Tech: How the Internet Is Killing Democracy, and The Age of Surveillance Capitalism: The Fight for a Human Future at the New Frontier of Power.
May 24, 2022
3.75*
Fave chapters were those on Community and Leisure! and also the essay by Ruby Tandoh! Some insightful ideas but mostly I already knew and agreed or had thought about everything in this book. Which at 21, over a decade younger than the authors and most of the contributors, felt a lil weird. I guess I've just been exposed to enough diverse, intellectual thinkers already. I'd def recommend this to anyone who's just starting to think critically about social media though!
Fave chapters were those on Community and Leisure! and also the essay by Ruby Tandoh! Some insightful ideas but mostly I already knew and agreed or had thought about everything in this book. Which at 21, over a decade younger than the authors and most of the contributors, felt a lil weird. I guess I've just been exposed to enough diverse, intellectual thinkers already. I'd def recommend this to anyone who's just starting to think critically about social media though!
July 25, 2020
Really interesting dissection of how social media influences us; the book is divided into six sections: bodies, work, leisure, relationships, communities, and the future. This book should be read by everyone, especially those who are active on different social media platform as this provides a place to reflect on how we interact online and how it makes us feel. It touches a range of subjects including body positivity, online activism, digital paranoia, mental health, among many more — but I like most the communities portion of it. The discussion of how online communities can be a wonderful and horrible place to express yourself, and can it can create positive connections for marginalized groups, such as black individuals, the LGTBQ+ community, transgender people. It dives into questions of whether and how online platform can and should be inclusive, and the realities that even though it has given a place to connect, it can still be a place full of hate. Lots of thoughts and compelling arguments in this series of essays, and if you’re interested in exploring your relationship with social media, this is highly recommended.
April 1, 2020
I haven't been able to put this book down!
Growing up with technology I have always accepted social media as a sort-of extension of myself without taking the time to think about the mechanics behind the platform. This book unpicks every element of our lives which is impacted by Instagram: relationships, body image, culture, communities, travelling and religion as some examples.
The book perfectly combines personal stories, alongside facts, more academic style writing and scattered through the book are quotes from all interviewees which provide a diverse perspective of voice.
I think the reason I enjoyed this book so much is because I have never read anything quite like it. Everyone who uses social media regularly should read this book!
Growing up with technology I have always accepted social media as a sort-of extension of myself without taking the time to think about the mechanics behind the platform. This book unpicks every element of our lives which is impacted by Instagram: relationships, body image, culture, communities, travelling and religion as some examples.
The book perfectly combines personal stories, alongside facts, more academic style writing and scattered through the book are quotes from all interviewees which provide a diverse perspective of voice.
I think the reason I enjoyed this book so much is because I have never read anything quite like it. Everyone who uses social media regularly should read this book!
November 14, 2021
2.5 stars // Extremely relevant topic. And while I enjoyed the overall message, there were quite some bits which felt too superficial; specifically the short Q&As with some random women you wouldn't get much background information on. That being said, I do love the Leisure and Relationships chapters, and just some random social media facts (like the festival where influencers paid way too much only to be stranded on an island with McDonald's food lol). Would recommend to someone interested in thinking about social media, art, and expressing themselves.
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June 3, 2021really interesting take on social media, nothing that was a massive surprise. Has made me consider my usage of it and I really enjoyed the sometimes very personal accounts of how it had affected people.
February 12, 2020
Nice, but a bit to long for me. I really liked the chapter on Relations + Social Media!
January 9, 2020
Witty, honest and full of insights as to what makes Instagram (and social media at large) so addictive and woven into our lives for better or worse. A heartfelt testimonial of two early adopters with a sharp eye for analysis.
July 24, 2021
Leaning more towards 3.5... I really loved some essays and others felt shallow. Wish it could’ve challenged me a bit more, provide newer and unique perspectives. But I gained a lot from the essays that I did like
September 1, 2020
Great discussion piece. Doesn't explore all nooks and crannies, but it presents personal stories, anecdotes, and professional research in an easy to read way.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews