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Acting with Power: How to Use Power with Confidence, Even When You Feel Powerless
There is so much we get wrong about power. This eye-opening look at the true nature of power explores who has it, what it looks like, and the role it plays in our lives."A refreshing and enlightening new perspective on what it means to be powerful."--Susan Cain, bestselling author of QuietGrounded in over two decades' worth of scientific research and inspired by the popular class of the same name at Stanford's Graduate School of Business, Acting with Power offers a new and eye-opening paradigm that overturns everything we thought we knew about the nature of power.Although we all feel powerless sometimes, we have more power than we tend to believe. That's because power exists in every relationship, by virtue of the roles we play in others' lives. But it isn't a function of status or hierarchy. Rather, it's about how much we are needed, and the degree to which we fulfill our responsibilities. Power isn't a tool for self-enhancement or a resource for personal consumption. It's a part you play in someone else's story.We often assume that power flows to those with the loudest voice or the most commanding presence in the room. But, in fact, true power is often much quieter and more deferential than we realize. Moreover, it's not just how much power we have but how we use it that determines how powerful we actually are.Actors aren't the only ones who play roles for a living. We all make choices about how to use the power that comes with our given circumstances. We aren't always cast in the roles we desire or the ones we feel prepared to play. Some of us struggle to step up and be taken more seriously, while others have trouble standing back and ceding the spotlight. Some of us are used to hearing we are too aggressive, while others are constantly being told we are too nice. Gruenfeld shows how we can all get more comfortable with power by adopting an actor's mindset.We all know what it looks like to use power badly. This book is about how to use power well.
272 pages, Paperback
Published April 7, 2020
About the author
Deborah Gruenfeld
3 books22 followersDeborah Gruenfeld is a leading social psychologist and the Joseph McDonald Professor at the Stanford Graduate School of Business. Gruenfeld’s research has been featured in many scholarly journals as well as in The Wall Street Journal, The New Yorker, O: The Oprah Magazine, The Washington Post, and the Chicago Tribune. Gruenfeld co-directs the Executive Program for Women Leaders at Stanford and teaches courses on power and leadership for a wide variety of audiences around the world, including young company founders and senior executives in large, multinational companies. She sits on the boards of the LeanIn Foundation and Stanford’s Center for the Advancement of Women’s Leadership. She has a PhD in psychology from the University of Illinois.
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October 11, 2020
In general, I found it pretty disappointing.
I was expecting some really unique observations and theories about the nature of power, but instead everything seemed very obvious trite.
An example of the kind of observations in this book: You might want to behave differently towards your boss than you do towards your subordinates, taking into account the power dynamics.
And I say: Thanks, Captain Obvious!
The one concept that did stick with me was
(1) Playing up power
(2) Playing down power
In other words, in some cases it might be a good idea to deliberately downplay yourself in order to be more approachable to people who might be intimidated by you if you have a higher position or status. Of course people already do this naturally anyway, but I guess it's good to keep in mind.
But overall, don't expect too much from this.
I was expecting some really unique observations and theories about the nature of power, but instead everything seemed very obvious trite.
An example of the kind of observations in this book: You might want to behave differently towards your boss than you do towards your subordinates, taking into account the power dynamics.
And I say: Thanks, Captain Obvious!
The one concept that did stick with me was
(1) Playing up power
(2) Playing down power
In other words, in some cases it might be a good idea to deliberately downplay yourself in order to be more approachable to people who might be intimidated by you if you have a higher position or status. Of course people already do this naturally anyway, but I guess it's good to keep in mind.
But overall, don't expect too much from this.
December 24, 2024
"تحدد القوة من يعيش، ومن يموت، ومن يروي قصتك!"
♡ لعب الأدوار
الكتاب يعتمد على فكرة أن الناس يلعبون أدواراً متعددة في حياتهم اليومية، سواء في العمل، أو في حياتهم الشخصية.
تشير المؤلفة إلى "لعب الأدوار" باستخدام تشبيه مُلهِم: حيث شبهت الشخص بالممثل على المسرح.
وهذا التشبيه يعكس فكرة أن الإنسان في حياته اليومية، سواء في العمل أو في العلاقات الاجتماعية، يلعب أدواراً متنوعة، مثلما يفعل الممثل على خشبة المسرح.
فعندما يقف الممثل على خشبة المسرح، فإنه يتبنَّى دوراً معيناً في سياق المسرحية. ويتطلب هذا الدور منه أن يؤدي سلوكيات، يعبر عن مشاعر، ويتفاعل مع الشخصيات الأخرى بطريقة معينة. كذلك كل فرد في الحياة اليومية يلعب أدواراً متعددة بناءً على السياق الذي يتواجد فيه في العمل، العائلة، والعلاقات الاجتماعية.
إتقان لعب الأدوار هو عملية تفاعلية ومرنة تتطلب:
▪︎ الوعي الكامل بالأدوار التي نلعبها
▪︎القدرة على التكيف مع المواقف المختلفة
▪︎التفاعل الفعّال مع الآخرين
▪︎التوازن بين الأدوار المختلفة التي نؤديها
▪︎التحسين المستمر في كيفية أدائنا لهذه الأدوار.
♡ مفهوم جديد للقوة
المؤلفة استخدمت كلمة "القوة" لتشير إلى:
▪︎"القدرة الداخلية" التي يمكن أن يكتسبها الفرد من خلال فهمه للأدوار التي يؤديها في الحياة، وكيفية استخدام هذه الأدوار بشكل واعٍ ومرن لتحقيق النجاح الشخصي والمهني.
▪︎"التأثير الإيجابي" الذي يمكن أن يُحدثه الفرد في بيئته من خلال الأدوار التي يتبناها، سواء كان ذلك في العمل أو في العلاقات الشخصية.
وفي كتابها تقدم مفهوماً مختلفاً تماماً للقوة، يختلف عن النظرة التقليدية.
▪︎في النظرة التقليدية: القوة تُعتبر شيء ثابت يمتلكه الشخص بناءً على سلطته أو مكانته.
النظرة كما قدمتها الكاتبة: القوة هي قوة مرنة يمكن رفعها أو خفضها بناءً على السياق.
▪︎في النظرة التقليدية: القوة تُفهم على أنها القدرة على الهيمنة على الآخرين أو التحكم فيهم.
النظرة كما قدمتها الكاتبة: القوة هي القدرة على التأثير بشكل إيجابي على الآخرين، فالقوة يمكن أن تُستخدم لإلهام الآخرين، توجيههم، ومساعدتهم على النمو، بدلاً من فرض السيطرة عليهم.
الكاتبة تشير إلى أن:
(دورنا في حياة الآخرين هو الذي يمنحنا القوة. سواء كنت قائداً، مستشاراً، أباً، زوجاً، أو حتى صديقاً، فإن القوة تأتي من مدى اعتماد الآخرين عليك واحتياجهم لك في تلك الأدوار. وكيفية تأثيرك في حياتهم من خلال تفاعلاتك اليومية معهم)
♡ مستوى القوة ..
تناولت الكاتبة مفهوم "مستوى القوة" معتبرة القوة أداة يمكن التحكم فيها، وذلك برفع أو خفض مستوى القوة بناءً على السياق والظروف المحيطة بكل دور نلعبه في حياتنا.
"رفع مستوى القوة" يُستخدم عندما يتطلب الموقف:
▪︎اتخاذ قرارات حاسمة. ▪︎قيادة الآخرين.
▪︎التأثير في الآخرين.
أما "خفض مستوى القوة" فيكون مناسباً عندما نحتاج إلى:
▪︎التعاون ▪︎الاستماع
▪︎التفاعل بمرونة مع الآخرين.
"الوعي بمتى وأين يجب رفع أو خفض مستوى القوة هو جزء أساسي من إتقان لعب الأدوار وتحقيق النجاح في مختلف جوانب الحياة"
♡ إساءة استخدام القوة ..
التنمر والتحرش مرتبطان ارتباطاً وثيقاً بمفهوم القوة، لكن القوة في هاتين الحالتين تُستخدم بشكل سلبي لإلحاق الأذى بالآخرين.
ولمكافحة التنمر والتحرش، يجب تعزيز القوة الإيجابية من خلال:
- التوعية حول حقوق الأفراد وحدودهم.
- تمكين الضحايا من التحدث عن تجاربهم ومساعدتهم على مقاومة هذه السلوكيات.
- تعليم الأفراد كيفية استخدام قوتهم في مواجهة الإساءة من خلال الحديث والتضامن مع الآخرين.
♡ لعب الأدوار
الكتاب يعتمد على فكرة أن الناس يلعبون أدواراً متعددة في حياتهم اليومية، سواء في العمل، أو في حياتهم الشخصية.
تشير المؤلفة إلى "لعب الأدوار" باستخدام تشبيه مُلهِم: حيث شبهت الشخص بالممثل على المسرح.
وهذا التشبيه يعكس فكرة أن الإنسان في حياته اليومية، سواء في العمل أو في العلاقات الاجتماعية، يلعب أدواراً متنوعة، مثلما يفعل الممثل على خشبة المسرح.
فعندما يقف الممثل على خشبة المسرح، فإنه يتبنَّى دوراً معيناً في سياق المسرحية. ويتطلب هذا الدور منه أن يؤدي سلوكيات، يعبر عن مشاعر، ويتفاعل مع الشخصيات الأخرى بطريقة معينة. كذلك كل فرد في الحياة اليومية يلعب أدواراً متعددة بناءً على السياق الذي يتواجد فيه في العمل، العائلة، والعلاقات الاجتماعية.
إتقان لعب الأدوار هو عملية تفاعلية ومرنة تتطلب:
▪︎ الوعي الكامل بالأدوار التي نلعبها
▪︎القدرة على التكيف مع المواقف المختلفة
▪︎التفاعل الفعّال مع الآخرين
▪︎التوازن بين الأدوار المختلفة التي نؤديها
▪︎التحسين المستمر في كيفية أدائنا لهذه الأدوار.
♡ مفهوم جديد للقوة
المؤلفة استخدمت كلمة "القوة" لتشير إلى:
▪︎"القدرة الداخلية" التي يمكن أن يكتسبها الفرد من خلال فهمه للأدوار التي يؤديها في الحياة، وكيفية استخدام هذه الأدوار بشكل واعٍ ومرن لتحقيق النجاح الشخصي والمهني.
▪︎"التأثير الإيجابي" الذي يمكن أن يُحدثه الفرد في بيئته من خلال الأدوار التي يتبناها، سواء كان ذلك في العمل أو في العلاقات الشخصية.
وفي كتابها تقدم مفهوماً مختلفاً تماماً للقوة، يختلف عن النظرة التقليدية.
▪︎في النظرة التقليدية: القوة تُعتبر شيء ثابت يمتلكه الشخص بناءً على سلطته أو مكانته.
النظرة كما قدمتها الكاتبة: القوة هي قوة مرنة يمكن رفعها أو خفضها بناءً على السياق.
▪︎في النظرة التقليدية: القوة تُفهم على أنها القدرة على الهيمنة على الآخرين أو التحكم فيهم.
النظرة كما قدمتها الكاتبة: القوة هي القدرة على التأثير بشكل إيجابي على الآخرين، فالقوة يمكن أن تُستخدم لإلهام الآخرين، توجيههم، ومساعدتهم على النمو، بدلاً من فرض السيطرة عليهم.
الكاتبة تشير إلى أن:
(دورنا في حياة الآخرين هو الذي يمنحنا القوة. سواء كنت قائداً، مستشاراً، أباً، زوجاً، أو حتى صديقاً، فإن القوة تأتي من مدى اعتماد الآخرين عليك واحتياجهم لك في تلك الأدوار. وكيفية تأثيرك في حياتهم من خلال تفاعلاتك اليومية معهم)
♡ مستوى القوة ..
تناولت الكاتبة مفهوم "مستوى القوة" معتبرة القوة أداة يمكن التحكم فيها، وذلك برفع أو خفض مستوى القوة بناءً على السياق والظروف المحيطة بكل دور نلعبه في حياتنا.
"رفع مستوى القوة" يُستخدم عندما يتطلب الموقف:
▪︎اتخاذ قرارات حاسمة. ▪︎قيادة الآخرين.
▪︎التأثير في الآخرين.
أما "خفض مستوى القوة" فيكون مناسباً عندما نحتاج إلى:
▪︎التعاون ▪︎الاستماع
▪︎التفاعل بمرونة مع الآخرين.
"الوعي بمتى وأين يجب رفع أو خفض مستوى القوة هو جزء أساسي من إتقان لعب الأدوار وتحقيق النجاح في مختلف جوانب الحياة"
♡ إساءة استخدام القوة ..
التنمر والتحرش مرتبطان ارتباطاً وثيقاً بمفهوم القوة، لكن القوة في هاتين الحالتين تُستخدم بشكل سلبي لإلحاق الأذى بالآخرين.
ولمكافحة التنمر والتحرش، يجب تعزيز القوة الإيجابية من خلال:
- التوعية حول حقوق الأفراد وحدودهم.
- تمكين الضحايا من التحدث عن تجاربهم ومساعدتهم على مقاومة هذه السلوكيات.
- تعليم الأفراد كيفية استخدام قوتهم في مواجهة الإساءة من خلال الحديث والتضامن مع الآخرين.
May 19, 2020
"In the theater, what it means to give a powerful performance is to accept and own the truth of what it means to be a human being: to be strong and weak, accomplished and fallible, powerful and powerless, all at once. This, actually, is the challenge that professional actors face every time they get in character. To play any part authentically, an actor must accept the character without judgment. And this is true for the rest of us as well. By accepting that each of us is all of these things, by learning to value all of these truths and show all of these sides of ourselves when appropriate, and by handling our mistakes with grace and equanimity, we become more resilient, less ruled by shame and self-loathing, and, ultimately, more powerful. Ironically, this is where authenticity comes from: not trying to be more yourself, but learning to accept more of yourself."
May 5, 2023
Your story belongs to you and although it doesn’t always feel that way, we all have the power to claim authorship of our own storylines, to trust or own instincts and to choose how we use the power we have to respond to the bad actors who enter our room. 💫
February 12, 2021
I came across this book because I was listening to a podcast which featured an interview with its author. Gruenfeld was talking a little about the idea of power as a service done to others rather than as being wielded for its own sake.
As this seemed interesting, I reached for her book.
The first thing to note is that “Acting with power” is not necessarily meant as “behaving with power”. Gruenfeld does genuinely mean “acting” in the same way as Judi Dench would do. In fact, it seems she teaches a class on “acting” with power – working on her students’ portrayal of various dramatic roles in order to raise their confidence.
This is aligned to the main thesis of her book. “Power” is an artificial and relative construct – dependent entirely on the situation one is placed in. One might be a powerful businessman in the office and be reduced to complete helplessness by one’s disobedient teenager at home.Gruenfeld welcomes this flexibility of power and encourages her readers to think about playing power up and playing power down depending on a situation. You might assess that someone else has taken a lead role in a meeting and therefore you let them lead. Or to the contrary, you might see that a group of people needs someone to direct the discussion. Either way, you should be able to adapt to situation. Gruenfeld recalls going to a courtroom and imagining herself to be Daenerys Targaryen to be able to answer an interrogator’s questions (perhaps a comparison to reconsider after the last season of Game of Thrones... Or are we just pretending that the last season of Game of Thrones never happened?).
Power, as Gruenfeld understands it, does not involve raising one’s voice or speaking over others. These are in fact behaviours that belie a lack of confidence in one’s power. Power is… knowing that you have a huge dragon behind you which is able to blow everyone into smithereens?
No? Okay. Fine.
“Power comes from the extent to which others need you in particular, for access to valued rewards and to avoid punishments (…) when others need you, they need you, they are motivated to please you, and this gives you control (..). Power it is the capacity of social control.”
To continue with the Dany example, Gruenfeld also devotes a section to the idea that power can act as a corrupting influence, by disinhibiting some of our lowest instincts. She also spends a little time discussing on how you can become an upstander rather than a bystander in situations where power is being abused.
If you want to learn more about acting with power, then this book is a reasonable place to start.
As this seemed interesting, I reached for her book.
The first thing to note is that “Acting with power” is not necessarily meant as “behaving with power”. Gruenfeld does genuinely mean “acting” in the same way as Judi Dench would do. In fact, it seems she teaches a class on “acting” with power – working on her students’ portrayal of various dramatic roles in order to raise their confidence.
This is aligned to the main thesis of her book. “Power” is an artificial and relative construct – dependent entirely on the situation one is placed in. One might be a powerful businessman in the office and be reduced to complete helplessness by one’s disobedient teenager at home.Gruenfeld welcomes this flexibility of power and encourages her readers to think about playing power up and playing power down depending on a situation. You might assess that someone else has taken a lead role in a meeting and therefore you let them lead. Or to the contrary, you might see that a group of people needs someone to direct the discussion. Either way, you should be able to adapt to situation. Gruenfeld recalls going to a courtroom and imagining herself to be Daenerys Targaryen to be able to answer an interrogator’s questions (perhaps a comparison to reconsider after the last season of Game of Thrones... Or are we just pretending that the last season of Game of Thrones never happened?).
Power, as Gruenfeld understands it, does not involve raising one’s voice or speaking over others. These are in fact behaviours that belie a lack of confidence in one’s power. Power is… knowing that you have a huge dragon behind you which is able to blow everyone into smithereens?
No? Okay. Fine.
“Power comes from the extent to which others need you in particular, for access to valued rewards and to avoid punishments (…) when others need you, they need you, they are motivated to please you, and this gives you control (..). Power it is the capacity of social control.”
To continue with the Dany example, Gruenfeld also devotes a section to the idea that power can act as a corrupting influence, by disinhibiting some of our lowest instincts. She also spends a little time discussing on how you can become an upstander rather than a bystander in situations where power is being abused.
If you want to learn more about acting with power, then this book is a reasonable place to start.
July 23, 2021
I've read this book as part of a research on the topic of power. Deborah Gruenfeld has been a major academic voice on the matter as a professor at Stanford. Compared to less academic and more popular books about power, for example 48 Laws of Power, this one applies a much more serious and convincing approach and makes the book by R. Greene look like a book for teenagers. It presents power in all its major nuances, the risks of abusing of power and other contemporary relevant points on the matter. The text is sometimes a bit verbose and not exactly precise. However, it's the better primer on the subject that I have found so far.
May 9, 2020
I found this book very insightful. From it I took that using power to help and build your team is something that will always prove true leadership.
May 4, 2020
Valuable Insights on Every Page--I'll Be Reaching for This Book Again and Again!
I took away so many insights from this book, both professionally and personally.
I loved the idea that we're all playing a range of roles, and can be more effective if we acknowledge whether we're in the role of "boss" or "underling" or "mom" or friend". Gruenfeld explains the concept of playing high and playing low, and when to use each. Another concept I found really powerful was the idea of the purpose of power. Gruenfeld doesn't just see power as something to go out and get more of, but rather, as a valuable asset that should be used to serve.
Gruenfeld has been teaching these concepts at the Stanford GSB for many years, and her expertise is evident. But her tone is still approachable and conversational. It was a pleasure to read.
Too many business books are not worth the money. They either contain one idea, repeated, or they are a rambling collections of observations, or worst of all, advice from someone who's not actually an expert.
This book is worth every penny (and more!).
I took away so many insights from this book, both professionally and personally.
I loved the idea that we're all playing a range of roles, and can be more effective if we acknowledge whether we're in the role of "boss" or "underling" or "mom" or friend". Gruenfeld explains the concept of playing high and playing low, and when to use each. Another concept I found really powerful was the idea of the purpose of power. Gruenfeld doesn't just see power as something to go out and get more of, but rather, as a valuable asset that should be used to serve.
Gruenfeld has been teaching these concepts at the Stanford GSB for many years, and her expertise is evident. But her tone is still approachable and conversational. It was a pleasure to read.
Too many business books are not worth the money. They either contain one idea, repeated, or they are a rambling collections of observations, or worst of all, advice from someone who's not actually an expert.
This book is worth every penny (and more!).
September 15, 2020
Having power isn’t enough. You have to know how and when to play it up or down depending on your goals and responsibilities. Sometimes, you’ll need to assert your power to protect others. This might mean taking charge in difficult situations, calling out abuses of power, or elevating those who’ll also use power to contribute to a shared mission. At other times, establishing trust and building relationships will take priority. This is when you’ll have to play power down by deferring to others or not taking yourself too seriously. While you won’t always feel capable of exerting power, by imagining different realities, rehearsing your part, and focusing on others or the bigger picture, you can find the confidence to own any role.
September 14, 2020
Understand the power and use it confidently in any role.
Power is often viewed as mysterious and reserved for people who are either specially gifted or ruthlessly determined. But power exists in all relationships.
Because we depend on each other in different ways, we all have some degree of control over other people’s circumstances. And while we can be self-serving in how we use our power, everyone is better off when our aim is to help others or to achieve a common goal.
With this book you will learn:
why it can be valuable to downplay your power;
how to secure a seat on a rocket ship; and
what power means when you’re at the very top.
Power is often viewed as mysterious and reserved for people who are either specially gifted or ruthlessly determined. But power exists in all relationships.
Because we depend on each other in different ways, we all have some degree of control over other people’s circumstances. And while we can be self-serving in how we use our power, everyone is better off when our aim is to help others or to achieve a common goal.
With this book you will learn:
why it can be valuable to downplay your power;
how to secure a seat on a rocket ship; and
what power means when you’re at the very top.
May 13, 2022
I don’t think the author really understand what’s power. I strongly recommend another older book ‘’Power：Why Some People Have It and Others Don’t‘’.
December 18, 2020
Political centrists will love this.
The first two-thirds are pretty much about human pecking order. I found myself cringing at what felt trauma-ignorant and otherwise surprisingly insensitive. Not until I got to chapter 9 did Dr. Gruenfeld start addressing the unhealthiness, to put it mildly, of what she's describing. I imagine I'm not the only one whose life this reflects: work your way through the power-centric BS first, and if you can tolerate it you'll find something to hold.
Students: if you find yourself hearing, "It's not my emergency" from anyone in authority, there *is* someone who *can* help you. They just may be harder to find than you thought. Please keep looking. In my experience, psych profs are the last place to expect anything but the brittlest head games (which may or may not be real boundaries). Please don't take that anecdote for anything more than it is (and hopefully you can see why this review looks like it does).
I'm very glad to see this articulated in a less-academic format for those who don't read studies (yet). There are edges that are bold, but I found myself wanting something more than even more Second Wave literature. I did send mine to my brother, who thinks First Wave Feminism happened entirely in 1917. There was so much potential to discuss racism (roles? scripts?), but of course, all we get there is white noise.
It's a useful tool, but more of a Dremel than a wrecking ball. It's not my Patriarchy, so maybe that's what's required? I'm personally beyond impatient with tiptoeing around egos and mismanaged wealth, and it won't do diddly to put a dent in the US trend toward populism. It's a safe read. Speaking of power, I wish I hadn't bought it so much as waited until it was available at the library.
The first two-thirds are pretty much about human pecking order. I found myself cringing at what felt trauma-ignorant and otherwise surprisingly insensitive. Not until I got to chapter 9 did Dr. Gruenfeld start addressing the unhealthiness, to put it mildly, of what she's describing. I imagine I'm not the only one whose life this reflects: work your way through the power-centric BS first, and if you can tolerate it you'll find something to hold.
Students: if you find yourself hearing, "It's not my emergency" from anyone in authority, there *is* someone who *can* help you. They just may be harder to find than you thought. Please keep looking. In my experience, psych profs are the last place to expect anything but the brittlest head games (which may or may not be real boundaries). Please don't take that anecdote for anything more than it is (and hopefully you can see why this review looks like it does).
I'm very glad to see this articulated in a less-academic format for those who don't read studies (yet). There are edges that are bold, but I found myself wanting something more than even more Second Wave literature. I did send mine to my brother, who thinks First Wave Feminism happened entirely in 1917. There was so much potential to discuss racism (roles? scripts?), but of course, all we get there is white noise.
It's a useful tool, but more of a Dremel than a wrecking ball. It's not my Patriarchy, so maybe that's what's required? I'm personally beyond impatient with tiptoeing around egos and mismanaged wealth, and it won't do diddly to put a dent in the US trend toward populism. It's a safe read. Speaking of power, I wish I hadn't bought it so much as waited until it was available at the library.
November 13, 2024
Read half for work book club — if you want to read about how respecting boundaries and complimenting your boss is a power play go for it
March 8, 2021
Excellent primer. Personable, accessible and informative.
February 21, 2020
Must read.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 25, 2026
Read this book for work to help leaders step into their power ethically and responsibility- loved the research and examples!
March 22, 2021
Power Handbook
Initially, when I saw that this book was available for purchase, I didn’t not think I would learn too many new things from it, especially after reading Robert Caro’s books on the subject of power which resulted in my expectations being set to an impossibly high standard.
I’m actually really impressed with this book. Social Psychologist Deborah Gruenfeld describes what good power is and how it is used to interact not just in the workplace but when interacting with others socially. When it is necessary to, what the author calls, “play power up” or “play power down” by adjusting your mannerisms appropriately in accordance to social interactions as necessary. Playing power up—by being in charge, or by playing it down—showing deference and being modest.
I appreciated the discussion on not attaining power for selfish gains but by helping others achieve their outcomes which, according to the author, actually makes you a stronger leader in the end. The author discusses when it is necessary for those who have power to show deference to others and why. Why those who have less power should play power down in the workplace to remind themselves and others of what their position is and how that reflects on others. I liked how the author touched on the abstract forms of power such as giving others the space they are entitled to and why.
I see myself referring to this book on a not so infrequent basis to help make sure my mannerisms are calibrated appropriately within the workplace and in social interactions.
I recommend this book to those who want to or feel that they will aspire to great heights and those who feel like they need to make to acquire more knowledge about how to behave socially.
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Book Recommendation Count: 1
Dictionary/Reference Word Count: 20
Grammatical Error Count: 0
Initially, when I saw that this book was available for purchase, I didn’t not think I would learn too many new things from it, especially after reading Robert Caro’s books on the subject of power which resulted in my expectations being set to an impossibly high standard.
I’m actually really impressed with this book. Social Psychologist Deborah Gruenfeld describes what good power is and how it is used to interact not just in the workplace but when interacting with others socially. When it is necessary to, what the author calls, “play power up” or “play power down” by adjusting your mannerisms appropriately in accordance to social interactions as necessary. Playing power up—by being in charge, or by playing it down—showing deference and being modest.
I appreciated the discussion on not attaining power for selfish gains but by helping others achieve their outcomes which, according to the author, actually makes you a stronger leader in the end. The author discusses when it is necessary for those who have power to show deference to others and why. Why those who have less power should play power down in the workplace to remind themselves and others of what their position is and how that reflects on others. I liked how the author touched on the abstract forms of power such as giving others the space they are entitled to and why.
I see myself referring to this book on a not so infrequent basis to help make sure my mannerisms are calibrated appropriately within the workplace and in social interactions.
I recommend this book to those who want to or feel that they will aspire to great heights and those who feel like they need to make to acquire more knowledge about how to behave socially.
------------------------------------------
Book Recommendation Count: 1
Dictionary/Reference Word Count: 20
Grammatical Error Count: 0
March 9, 2020
I won this as a Goodreads giveaway.
In Acting with Power, Deborah Gruenfeld takes a different approach in looking at power. Explaining the flow and dynamism of power, she advocates viewing leadership and other power roles as exactly that: roles to be played by you and others. Drawing comparison and inspiration from the world of acting and theater, she discusses several aspects of power and how one can use power in various roles. She also discusses how abuses of power can occur, knocking down some of the myths and stereotypes of these incidents.
Overall, a quick and interesting read. I recommend it for anyone looking to better understand power dynamics in any facet of life.
In Acting with Power, Deborah Gruenfeld takes a different approach in looking at power. Explaining the flow and dynamism of power, she advocates viewing leadership and other power roles as exactly that: roles to be played by you and others. Drawing comparison and inspiration from the world of acting and theater, she discusses several aspects of power and how one can use power in various roles. She also discusses how abuses of power can occur, knocking down some of the myths and stereotypes of these incidents.
Overall, a quick and interesting read. I recommend it for anyone looking to better understand power dynamics in any facet of life.
May 9, 2020
Power and its application permeate every aspect of our lives. Understanding how it works and how to use it is one of the most important things we can do to drive positive change in the world around us. This book does a great job in exploring these topics in a way that not only helps you better understand power but also how to use it. Just as importantly, she explores the feelings of inauthenticity that can creep into these moments and how to better think about this aspect of wielding power.
July 10, 2020
Most insightful book on the topic of power I’ve encountered yet. It’s a little narrow, in that it doesn’t talk about all the things it could or should (power in sex, power in politics, in money, in racist systems, in crime, in dictatorships, etc., etc.). It doesn’t relate to the teachings of nonviolence, or the value of consciousness in developing grounded power, etc. Such a big topic, and the book’s conciseness is a major part of what makes it so good.
August 10, 2020
An insightful view of power built upon "the standard of beneficence." Can't help but compare it to the current state of leadership in the world and wonder why and how the use of power has become so toxic.
Want to Read
September 21, 2026As heard on Fixable (Unlocking Your Power at Work: Why you underestimate your own power with Deborah Gruenfeld)
https://audiocollective.ted.com/
In the modern workplace, hierarchy and power differences are often viewed as problems to solve. But Deborah Gruenfeld has a different perspective: hierarchy is not only essential to organizations, but we actually crave it in our relationships and communities. Deborah is a professor at Stanford University and a social and organizational psychologist who studies power and powerlessness. In this episode, she joins Anne and Frances to demystify how power actually works at work, why people underestimate their own power, and how to use the power you already have more skillfully. She also offers practical tips for playing your own power up or down, and shares what she has learned studying power dynamics in marriages and long-term relationships. Anne and Frances put their own marriage to the test, exploring whether their partnership truly is—or even should be—equal.
Featured guest
Follow Deborah Gruenfeld on LinkedIn Buy Deborah's book, Acting with Power
Connect with the team
Follow Anne on Instagram and LinkedIn Follow Frances on Instagram and LinkedIn Watch Fixable videos on youtube.com/@TEDPods Visit Anne and Frances’ website Have a question you want Anne and Frances to solve? Email the team at fixable@ted.com or leave a voicemail at 234-349-2253 Follow TED on X, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and TikTokFor the full text transcript, visit ted.com/podcasts/fixable-transcripts
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
https://audiocollective.ted.com/
June 3, 2023
An awesome book by Deborah Gruenfeld that provides a new perspective on what it means to be powerful.
The book makes brilliant use of the dramaturgical perspective. Power comes with the roles we play. We aren’t always cast in the roles we desire, or in roles we feel prepared to play. To play any part authentically, an actor must accept the character without judgment. Acting is not trying to be someone else. “Being oneself” is an act. It requires bringing out the best parts of ourselves at the right moments.
The book nicely instructs us how to play an active part in the drama that unfolds around us. To be the person we aspire to be, we have to step away from our own drama and learn how to play our part in someone else’s story.
The book argues convincingly that we have more power than we think we do. Power exists in every role, and in every relationship; it’s a resource that flows between people who need one another. This means that all of us have power by virtue of the roles we play in others’ lives. Success, impact, and life satisfaction are the result of what we are able to do for others with the power we already have.
The book is very encouraging and positive about using power. Individuals are rewarded with more power for making themselves useful and for solving group problems rather than just putting themselves first.
Anyone interested in using power as a tool to take care of the people he or she cares about, should certainly study this interesting book.
The book makes brilliant use of the dramaturgical perspective. Power comes with the roles we play. We aren’t always cast in the roles we desire, or in roles we feel prepared to play. To play any part authentically, an actor must accept the character without judgment. Acting is not trying to be someone else. “Being oneself” is an act. It requires bringing out the best parts of ourselves at the right moments.
The book nicely instructs us how to play an active part in the drama that unfolds around us. To be the person we aspire to be, we have to step away from our own drama and learn how to play our part in someone else’s story.
The book argues convincingly that we have more power than we think we do. Power exists in every role, and in every relationship; it’s a resource that flows between people who need one another. This means that all of us have power by virtue of the roles we play in others’ lives. Success, impact, and life satisfaction are the result of what we are able to do for others with the power we already have.
The book is very encouraging and positive about using power. Individuals are rewarded with more power for making themselves useful and for solving group problems rather than just putting themselves first.
Anyone interested in using power as a tool to take care of the people he or she cares about, should certainly study this interesting book.
January 18, 2021
I picked up this book after listening to the interview with the author at the podcast "Think Fast Talk Smart", which was very insightful. I ended up listening the audiobook at 1.25X. I think the content is interesting (gist: being like an actor; why/when/how to act power up or power down), but I would have got more out of it from classroom immersive experience, rather than just reading or listening to the book.
Comparing this book to Power: Why Some People Have it and Others Don't by Jeffrey Pfeffer (btw. another GSB professor), I would recommend Power if you're looking for mind-blowing career insights and actionable advice. This book, on the other hand, would be more appreciated as a reflection or philosophical thinking. Just from listening, often times I feel it is so obvious and there's nothing new. Maybe I would have had a deeper thought if I were in her class and then use this book as reflection.
btw. There were a couple of interesting anecdotes I recall, though, e.g. the witty power-play by ZHU Rongji. Also the final chapter about how to collectively fight against power abuse is very relevant to current times.
Comparing this book to Power: Why Some People Have it and Others Don't by Jeffrey Pfeffer (btw. another GSB professor), I would recommend Power if you're looking for mind-blowing career insights and actionable advice. This book, on the other hand, would be more appreciated as a reflection or philosophical thinking. Just from listening, often times I feel it is so obvious and there's nothing new. Maybe I would have had a deeper thought if I were in her class and then use this book as reflection.
btw. There were a couple of interesting anecdotes I recall, though, e.g. the witty power-play by ZHU Rongji. Also the final chapter about how to collectively fight against power abuse is very relevant to current times.
January 8, 2021
4/5 Favorite concept from book: Losing the Plot
"Whenever we lose track of our roles and responsibilities because we are too focused on ourselves, our fears and insecurities, we risk doing lasting damage to our reputations and relationships. To play our current roles well-and, more important, to step confidently into new ones- we need to let go of old habits. We need to put our inner children to bed. We need to stretch beyond outdated ways of seeing ourselves and ways of relating to other people. The ways we all act out our fears may feel authentic, but they are not always helpful. Everyone has a history with power that gets carried into adult roles in one form or another. When stepping into new roles that don't fit with the old way of doing things, we have to make adjustments. To use power well, it's not enough to be able to do the things that have worked elsewhere, or to play our parts in ways that feel natural and safe. We have to get comfortable doing the new things that feel unnatural but make sense on the stages where we are standing. It is not a question of being yourself or trying to be someone else. It is a challenge of aligning your thoughts, feelings, and actions with your responsibilities to other people.
"Whenever we lose track of our roles and responsibilities because we are too focused on ourselves, our fears and insecurities, we risk doing lasting damage to our reputations and relationships. To play our current roles well-and, more important, to step confidently into new ones- we need to let go of old habits. We need to put our inner children to bed. We need to stretch beyond outdated ways of seeing ourselves and ways of relating to other people. The ways we all act out our fears may feel authentic, but they are not always helpful. Everyone has a history with power that gets carried into adult roles in one form or another. When stepping into new roles that don't fit with the old way of doing things, we have to make adjustments. To use power well, it's not enough to be able to do the things that have worked elsewhere, or to play our parts in ways that feel natural and safe. We have to get comfortable doing the new things that feel unnatural but make sense on the stages where we are standing. It is not a question of being yourself or trying to be someone else. It is a challenge of aligning your thoughts, feelings, and actions with your responsibilities to other people.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 16, 2022
We are all actors in our own scripted movie(s). Sometimes we act our powers up and in others we play it down, just to suit the specific role (situation).
The book draws from a lot of experiences from the authors' world (Academia). I believe this to be largely the reason why I enjoyed the book. Otherwise would have rated it lower than the 3stars, to maybe 2.5 or even 2stars.
A considerable number of these experiences have other lessons to draw from asides that of power, the central theme of the text.
The chapter on bullying was quite interesting too. Especially that we believe it's something that happens only amongst little children. Many practical solutions have been proposed on how to handle despots when personally abused or when a colleague is being bullied in your presence.
Will surely recommend it to every new employee or even the old ones, especially those facing difficulties at the hands of their co-workers or their boss. The 'Oga at the top' as we fondly say in Nigeria whenever referring to the most senior person in control of the work environment.
Overall, it is a good read. Good ROI 📚😁
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
The book draws from a lot of experiences from the authors' world (Academia). I believe this to be largely the reason why I enjoyed the book. Otherwise would have rated it lower than the 3stars, to maybe 2.5 or even 2stars.
A considerable number of these experiences have other lessons to draw from asides that of power, the central theme of the text.
The chapter on bullying was quite interesting too. Especially that we believe it's something that happens only amongst little children. Many practical solutions have been proposed on how to handle despots when personally abused or when a colleague is being bullied in your presence.
Will surely recommend it to every new employee or even the old ones, especially those facing difficulties at the hands of their co-workers or their boss. The 'Oga at the top' as we fondly say in Nigeria whenever referring to the most senior person in control of the work environment.
Overall, it is a good read. Good ROI 📚😁
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
November 10, 2023
This book gives a comprehensive study on power, when to power up and when to power down and all other dimensions associated with it. You need to power up to take a lead and show the right direction to your team and your organisation, even if you feel not prepared to take on that role. Every organisation needs such leaders for its survival. You need to power down too at occasions where you want to power up your subordinates to empower them. Powering up and down is an act, we need to enact to survive, flourish as an individual and also as a responsible member of the society. Powering up is not flaunting nor powering down is derogatory. It is an act we must perform diligently, for organisations we work to thrive. It also helps in maintaining a good relationship even within a family. This book also tells about the power abuses and how to deal with them in detail. This is the best book I have read so far on power. Hope to read more such books. Great work.
May 4, 2021
Chapter 1 – Power is the position we portray in the lives of other individuals, and all of us have it in some way or the other.
Chapter 2 – Performing power-up is better used to defend others’ rights.
Chapter 3 – Playing power down is a tool to communicate with individuals and win their trust.
Chapter 4 – A productive means of embodying a new task is to use creativity, accessories, and costumes.
Chapter 5 – Prioritize the job and the purpose of the group to play a supportive role properly.
Chapter 6 – Cure anxiety by practicing, getting warmed up, and not relying on yourself while taking on a huge, more effective task.
Chapter 7 – When bullies get to us, we have the strength to stop being the targets of bullies and to recover our stories.
Chapter 8 – Using authority as a leader involves leading and watching out for people and raising individuals who are doing the same.
Chapter 2 – Performing power-up is better used to defend others’ rights.
Chapter 3 – Playing power down is a tool to communicate with individuals and win their trust.
Chapter 4 – A productive means of embodying a new task is to use creativity, accessories, and costumes.
Chapter 5 – Prioritize the job and the purpose of the group to play a supportive role properly.
Chapter 6 – Cure anxiety by practicing, getting warmed up, and not relying on yourself while taking on a huge, more effective task.
Chapter 7 – When bullies get to us, we have the strength to stop being the targets of bullies and to recover our stories.
Chapter 8 – Using authority as a leader involves leading and watching out for people and raising individuals who are doing the same.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 17, 2023
- power is not about what you have; it is the role we play in other people’s lives
- e.g. a parent has all the wealth power vs his child, but the child still influences majority of the decisions. In other words, the child has a strong impact on parent
- plying power down, is a good way to interact with people and gain their trust
- when you are not confident in a role, imagine someone who would be really good doing it, and act like them
- concentrate on people around you and who’s they might be feeling
- with great power comes great responsibility, especially a crucial role in other people’s lives
- e.g. a parent has all the wealth power vs his child, but the child still influences majority of the decisions. In other words, the child has a strong impact on parent
- plying power down, is a good way to interact with people and gain their trust
- when you are not confident in a role, imagine someone who would be really good doing it, and act like them
- concentrate on people around you and who’s they might be feeling
- with great power comes great responsibility, especially a crucial role in other people’s lives
April 17, 2024
This book is amazing. I have been reading a ton in this area (leadership, communication) and this masterpiece takes the cake. It answers so many questions that I had been wondering about, regarding the harmonious functioning of groups and how to contribute effectively. Deborah uses techniques from acting to show us how to be present in the role that we have, and stay agile, learning to play power up or down depending on what the moment requires. As with any skill set, we can make the most of it by assessing how we tend to act when we are uncentered, and consciously working to develop the opposite skill set. It's about paying attention and doing the next right thing.
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