Happiness Is Wasted on Me

by Kirkland Ciccone

Cumbernauld was built to be the town of the future...that is, if the future looked like a really rubbish episode of Doctor Who. It's also home to Walter Wedgeworth, a child stuck in a uniquely dysfunctional family controlled by the tyrannical Fishtank, whose CB Radio aerial is a metal middle finger to all the neighbours on Craigieburn Road. When 11-year-old Walter discovers the corpse of a baby inside a cardboard box, he resolves to ignore it, pretend it didn't happen. But the child's fate haunts Walter, bringing him into conflict with the world around him. Walter's journey will lead him from childhood to adulthood; school, college, bereavement, Britpop, his first job, Blackpool, the Spice Girls, feuds with his neighbour, and finally...face-to-face with a child killer. Taking place in the 90s, Happiness Is Wasted On Me is a genre-blending tale that spans a decade in the life of Walter. It's a coming of age tale, a family drama, a mystery, and a biting dark comedy. Ultimately, it's the story of how even the strangest people can find their way in the world.

This is Kirkland Ciccone's first novel for adults.

Genres: Fiction, Contemporary, Book Club, Mental Health, Historical, Literary Fiction, Scotland

288 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2020

About the author

Kirkland always had an affinity for weirdos and strange things. His favourite movie as a child was Halloween and his favourite TV shows were Doctor Who, Twin Peaks, and The Ricki Lake Show. Books, however, were his obsession and main mode of escape. He had a bumpy upbringing. Noisy, busy, stressful – but never boring. His brother was an armed robber who wasn’t very good at his job. His sisters were cool and encouraging, often having parties while their mum was out. If Kirkland needed to be alone, he headed up to the library. The library was always his calm place and it was there he realised how much he wanted to have a book on a shelf.

His first novel for adults is Happiness Is Wasted On Me. It takes place in Scotland’s infamous ‘ugly’ town Cumbernauld. Set in the ’90s, it spans a decade in the life of asexual Walter Wedgeworth (hence the title being a pun on 'A Penis Is Wasted On Me'), who is trying to find his place in the world. But a dark discovery and his uniquely dysfunctional family don’t make things easy. With a backdrop of grunge, Britpop, New Labour, and The Spice Girls, this is a book very much of a time that no longer exists. His new novel is Sadie, Call The Polis about a girl living her worst life as she staggers from one bad choice to another until she finds the right direction.

Reviews

[Romie · Rating 4 out of 5]

this is such a weird little book. I went into it expecting a sort of slice of life but ended up getting so much more. the story doesn't stick to one genre and it makes for an emotional rollercoaster. I really like the writing style: the way of writing dialogues is extremely close to the one used in French literature, and I think it really suited the story and narrative. Walter is an interesting character to follow, he doesn't care what people think of him and he has such a different way of seeing/experiencing life. I very much appreciated the small moments on Walter's asexuality and how it was not challenged by the people in his life. the last 50 pages got me gasping and *screams into the void* such a weird little book, but one I highly recommend! (4.04)

[Eve · Rating 5 out of 5]

Never thought I’d give anything that came from Cumbernauld five stars!

[Jennifer Mcarthur · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5⭐️ Absolutely addictive and nostalgic in all senses.

Who would’ve thought a book based in Cumbernauld would make me laugh and smile so much. Very well thought through although silly at points and near the end I thought the writing and story was a little all over making me drop it down from a 5 star. Despite this it is definitely up there with my favourite Scottish books knew it would be the minute Malcolm Allan’s was mentioned.

“Your burning the toast, I said”
“I’ll just scrape it off, said mum glumly”
Honestly, I could have wept.

[Pauline Insch · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m sad I finished this. I joined a book club to help me get back into reading. Im easily distracted and find it hard to sit still for long but I found myself making time to read this and looking forward to finding out more about Walter. I absolutely loved Kirkland’s writing style and curious how much of it is him talking through Walter. I felt Walter was so real, I loved his personality and how he grew into his own skin despite some pretty grim experiences. Although some bits of the book were poignant there were many laugh out loud bits. Walters observations and reflections were fabulous. I can’t wait for Kirkland’s next book, I’ll definitely be preordering that!

[Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic and unique depiction of a young lad growing up in Cumbernauld. Ciccone's writing is sharp, fast-paced and poignant at all the right moments.

[Kelly (kellyinbookland) · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars.

This was the latest book for the #scottishbookclub and I found it highly entertaining and funny although had its dark aspects.

My favourite thing about this book was that the main character was asexual. This is not a common thing in books and especially not in Scottish literature and as an asexual person this was a breath of fresh air to see in a Scottish book. I would have liked to have seen a bit more on it but just have it in there at all was seriously big points from me.

For me the ending was a bit of a “weird one” to put it. I’m not sure it’s what I was expecting or if I felt it fitted with the book as such but what I loved about the ending is it makes a great conversation within the book club and can’t wait to hear what everyone has to say about it and Kirkland Ciccoon’s thoughts himself.

I also loved how Walter as a character was unapologetically himself. We need more role models like him. Not completely - I mean he had his issues like us all but the fact he is happy to walk about Cumbernauld in his gran auld fur coat, I mean - legend or what?

[Georgia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dark and heartwarming with a neurodivergent main what’s not to love.

[Alex Nye · Rating 5 out of 5]

Meet Walter Wedgeworth. Growing up in Nineties Cumbernauld, he is like a rare tropical bird in a forest populated by grey sparrows. Walter is the narrator of this novel, looking back over a childhood of shocks and horrors and riebald humour. The story opens with the words "Life would have been better if I hadn't looked inside that box, but not much better." It is April 1992, and Walter, after being chased by bullies, takes refuge in nearby woods and makes a startling discovery - a baby in a cardboard box, now sodden and crumbled by rain. What follows is Walter's journey to eventual self-realisation, as he goes through life showing kindness, caution, sanity, in a world full of insanity. I loved this book, and whenever I put it down, I itched to pick it up again and make sure Walter got safely to the next stage of his journey instead of leaving him in the lurch. It is written in crystal-clear prose, very accurate and real. Although the author is writing about Cumbernauld (instead of the more fashionable Glasgow) he makes the town a major character in itself, so that this is very much a story about place and setting. It is also an extremely moving book, which can make you both laugh and cry. It deals with grief, unexpected loss, the harsh reality of life and death. It also ends on a supremely optimistic note, despite the darkness of Walter's journey. This, surely, is an award-winner, and deserves to be. We frequently read about the need for more working-class narratives within the world of books and publishing, so to overlook this title, would be nothing short of hypocrisy. It is also extremely moving at times, taking you by the throat with a raw intensity and freshness which is credit to the skills of the author. And all of this is delivered in sparkling prose which is a joy and a pleasure to read. I hope we might read more about Walter one day...

[Hannah Ward · Rating 4 out of 5]

Do you ever read a book with a protagonist you relate to so strongly you think “ah, shit”?

Great asexual representation as well as showing the dark side of OCD people never talk about. It also explores what growing up depressed and anxious is like and the way it can make you float through life through retreating to escapism in books and how you can feel so disconnected from yourself that you feel like someone on the outside looking in. It was also unflinching in shining a light on some of the struggles the working class Scottish folk encounter such as abuse, the effect schools and school teachers can have on a kid as well as a sprinkle of how bad sectarianism is. I just wish he’d written a bit of a redemption for Cumbernauld in there somewhere.


My something of a gripe is the end. In the taxi. It felt a bit cheesy and absolutely lets down the rest of the world building. “Your tips are legendary!” Was physically embarrassing to read as it felt like a self insert fantasy I can’t lie.

Poor Donnie. You couldn’t escape the bury your gays trope. I cried for her.

“Her smile, a big goofy grin, lit up her face and my life”

[ciara · Rating 4 out of 5]

it was Very Cool reading about cumbernauld ngl. i liked this a lot and couldn’t put it down! i think i would have liked it even if it wasn’t about the town i live in/grew up in but that was obviously a bonus :^) it was weird and all over the place in the best way!

[kt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Took me a while to finish but an excellent ending. A very very unique and fun read!

[McKenzie Kellem · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved the main character's voice throughout the novel, it kept me interested in his life as the story progressed! It made me laugh out loud at several moments and kept me rooting for him.

[Rachael · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an absolutely wonderful book this was. For someone who lives not far from Cumbernauld I felt such a sense of nostalgia. The writing is fantastic and the storyline has you hooked from the very first page. I got lost in this book and read it all in two days, and now I’m jealous of everyone who gets to read it for the first time!

[Laura (Reading is a Doing Word) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another Scottish Book Club read and a quick and entertaining one at that.
Set in Cumbernauld in the 90s, "Happiness is Wasted on Me" follows the story of Walter Wedgeworth - his family trials, his sibling relationships, his friendships, his music tastes, his fashion style and his coping mechanisms for previous traumatic events.
This was a "fun" quick read. I say "fun" because there is a lot to relate to if you grew in up the 90s, pop culture references abound and catalyse a fond nostalgia and empathy for Walter's teenage years, however there are a lot of dark themes touched upon also. Walter is bullied at school, his father is abusive, his brother is a criminal, he loses a sibling, he experiences a traumatic incident which triggers OCD behaviour - there's a lot going on!
This book has been described as multi-genre or genre defying and that's a fair assessment. The opening sentence is gory and dramatic but doesn't necessarily reflect the bulk of the content in the book. It's a coming of age story, family drama with a macabre mystery underlying it all.
The sense of place is strong - set in Cumbernauld, I know other readers in the book club, who were from there felt a real connection to the descriptions of the town.
However there were a few things that meant I only liked this rather than loved it.
The underlying mystery comes to a dramatic and somewhat unbelievable resolution. There are a few far-fetched plot points that didn't seem to fit into the overall "bildungsroman" feel of the book.
That being said I did really enjoy this, difficult subjects are raised and addressed in a "light touch" manner, it advocates for embracing the weird and being happy in your own personal uniqeness.
Lots to enjoy even if it sometimes felt a bit of a hotch potch.

[Aiden · Rating 5 out of 5]

For fans of Shuggie Bain, Happiness is Wasted on Me follows Walter and his dysfunctional family, set in Cumbernauld in the 90's the author sets the dreary scene with references to pop culture throughout (particularly Doctor Who). Walters life is defined by one moment, this moment haunts him and shapes him into the man he is. This coming of age story follows Walter as he faces bullys, breavement, family issues, questioning his sexuality and mental health issues. Ciccone is a very talented and unique writer with an aptitude of opening and closing chapters. Through Walters unique and distinctive narrative we are drawn into the mind of a complex and engaging character as we share his joys and pain with sattire commentary.

[mia · Rating 4 out of 5]

4/5 ⭐️

“But me? I wanted to do everything. I wanted to touch the moon, tell stories for everyone to hear and find a cure for people with bad taste in music. I wanted to run away and keep running until I found somewhere better than Cumbernauld. Where that was, I didn’t know. But I needed out of this town.”

an unexpectedly insightful and relatable story from a situation that isn’t actually relatable to me at all. tbh, this could sum up everything i’ve been reading recently, but i didn’t really expect it with this one. interesting format - short chapters and a sort of slice-of-life style which did seem a bit out of place at first but ultimately felt like a really good decision and made for a really easy and captivating read. also a really interesting blend/break from normal genre norms that i haven’t seen before and definitely enjoyed !!

in terms of character, (always very very important to me) i LOVED walter wedgeworth. so vibrant, unique, iconic, and insanely relatable. from his (admittedly short lived but let me have this) pursuit of journalism to his ability to be instantly bribed with a pair of doc martens, there were all these little details that made him just ME. even his cynical view of the world and slightly judgemental internal monologue - me. ME. i was rooting for him so much the whole time because nearly everything about him resonated with me in some way. and he was such a refreshing character in his confidence and humour, his personality really set him apart from other protagonists - and i think that really developed the tone of the book as well. also a lot of types of casual representation within the character - notably ocd rep which ive read from other reviews was very good - that i’m sure would be very important to a lot of people in different ways (although i feel like the blurb over-advertises some of it, it’s VERY casual but ive always liked that tbh). not to mention the most legendary fashion sense of all time. i aspire to be him honestly.

tl;dr - weird in the best way possible, so darkly hilarious, quite concerningly relatable

[Annemarie Allan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kirkland Ciccione already has several young adult novels under his belt and with his latest book, ‘Happiness is Wasted on Me’, the author steps seamlessly into adult fiction. Walter Wedgeworth, growing up in a severely dysfunctional family in the blighted urban landscape of Cumbernauld, dreams of a brighter future. He is a misfit, unable to connect with others, traumatised by events from his childhood and desperate to break free. When chance sends an opportunity in his direction, Walter seizes it eagerly, determined to save himself and leave the past behind. Despite his best efforts, he learns a bitter truth: ‘all roads lead to Cumbernauld’. Walter cannot move on until he has dealt with the legacy of his troubled childhood. Despite the title, this is a novel of redemption - and thanks to the author’s skill in drawing us into the mind of this complex, engaging character, we share the pain, the dark humour and the determination that carries Walter through to the final moment when he finds the courage to confront his past and move into the future.
Warm, witty and engaging, ‘Happiness is Wasted on Me’ is a hugely rewarding read.

[David Johnston · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really witty story set in Cumbernauld which is part slice of life, part teen drama, part comedy, and part thriller and probably another few additional genres. Walter is a really unique character and a very strong one as he unashamedly grows up as an outsider in working class Scotland in the 90s. There’s a lot of 90s nostalgia content in this which made it a bit like reading about the life of some of the teenagers I grew up admiring from my area, so I would say this would be quite a fun throwback for older millennials and Gen X readers. Most of the “big action” occurs in the last quarter of the book but it’s still an interesting read until this moment as the characters and their relationships are fleshed out.

[Daisy Hollands · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will echo what others have said, that the cover somewhat belies the contents but on the basis that this is a story set somewhere thought of ugly and grey then perhaps the cover is fitting.
A coming of age take in essence as we follow the narrator growing up on a Scottish council estate in the 1990s. It’s real and relatable and darkly humorous. I loved Happiness is Wasted on Me and would love to read more from Kirkland Ciccone. Highly recommended. If you’re looking for a fantastic read to get you through lockdown (English people) - look no further. This is it.

[Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading Walter’s experience of living in a new town (I’m from East Kilbride) and many of his observations felt all too relatable. Thankfully, I didn’t have the same other life experiences as this character. The book does at times feel like a morbid endurance test and even the brief lighter moments are tailed usually by a bitter aftershock. The characterisation of the supporting cast is vivid and Walter’s interactions with them, particularly Fishtank and Becca will have you gasping out loud. The book’s themes of latent trauma, being an outsider in a family and individuality are all bluntly dealt with using dark humour as an effective delivery device.

[Victoria Gemmell · Rating 5 out of 5]

You know you’re reading a good book when you feel pulled between that place of not wanting to put it down, but rationing yourself to a couple of chapters a day so you don’t have to say goodbye too soon. This is exactly how I felt when reading Happiness Is Wasted on Me. Having read Kirkland’s YA books I was curious to dive into his first book for adults and I was not disappointed. Reading this, I feel Kirkland has really developed and matured as a writer – the characters were so well drawn and believable.
I loved Walter (and his dysfunctional family). I was rooting for him every step of the way as he navigated his troubled life on a council estate in Cumbernauld, dreaming of escape to more glamorous quarters (such as Blackpool, ahem), whilst drinking copious amounts of tea and reading Nancy Drew novels. There was a perfect balance between humour and depth - I was often chuckling on one page, then feeling like I’d been kicked in the gut with emotion on the next. This style of writing made it feel like a ‘real’ story – never sentimental or apologetic. Having grown up in the 90s I also loved the pop culture references peppered throughout.
Buy this book! It will be the most original and refreshing story you will read this year.

[Moira McPartlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I almost read this book in one sitting. The tale of Walter Wedgeworth and his dysfunctional family is Comic, dark and very compelling, yet still hard to categorise. One thing is for sure, this coming of age novel will put Cumbernauld firmly on Scotland's book map.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I simply adored this book!

It’s hard to put this book into a specific category as the story simply follows Walter Wedgeworth as he navigates his way through life encountering some tough situations along the way, from domestic abuse, bereavement, sexuality and a close call with a murderer. To go on this journey with Walter was at times absolutely heartbreaking but equally wonderful to see how he grows as a person.

I loved all the references to the 90s and there was even a chapter on my hometown of Blackpool which was pretty cool to read.

I was completely absorbed in Walter’s life and I shared his emotions along the way from despising ‘Fishtank’ to shedding tears for Donnie. His love for books and Nancy Drew was brilliant and I loved how he used reading as a way to escape his reality for a while. He found comfort in those books which I can totally relate too.

Honestly this book was just fantastic and I don’t want to say too much about the plot as I really think you should just pick this up without knowing anything as you will enjoy the journey so much more then.

Overall this is a beautiful coming of age tale filled with heartache and laugh out loud moments, all with a sprinkling of 90s nostalgia. Please go read this you won’t be disappointed!

[K · Rating 4 out of 5]

No one does this weirdly surreal fiction as half as well as Kirkland ciccone who’s books are always like a rollercoaster of nice level insanity

[Ali Hill · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very enjoyable.

[Ali Kennedy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic. Full review to follow.

[zofia · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Ruairi Daly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny, weird and slightly depressing. A book after my own heart.

[Matt Graham · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent edition to the coming of age genre. Funny, sad, moving everything that this type of novel should be. Really can’t recommend it enough.

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quirky wee novel that feels very autobiographical. Walter is a self proclaimed weirdo with OCD and an obsession with books, books which help him escape from his chaotic family life of domestic violence (parents), drug abuse & crime (older brother) and a pivotal incident from his childhood that continues to haunt him throughout the decade that this story covers. I enjoyed it very much.