How to Lose Everything: A Memoir

by Christa Couture

Enduring a series of devastating losses, Christa Couture shares her experiences in navigating grief and ultimately finding a way forward. From the amputation of her leg as a cure for bone cancer at a young age to her first child’s single day of life, the heart transplant and subsequent death of her second child, the divorce born of mourning and then the thyroidectomy that threatened her career as a professional musician, Christa Couture's How to Lose Everything delves into the heart of loss. Couture has come to know every corner of grief―its shifting blurry edges, its traps, its pulse of love at the center and the bittersweet truth that sorrow is a powerful and wise emotion. Couture bears witness to the shift in perspective that comes with loss, and how it can deepen compassion for others, expand understanding, inspire a letting go of little things and plant a deeper feeling for what matters. At the same time, Couture's writing evokes the joy and lightness that both precede and eventually follow grief, as well as the hope and resilience that grow from connections with others. Evoking Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking and Rachel Cusk’s A Life’s Work , Couture explores the emotional and psychological experiences of motherhood, partnership and change. Deftly connecting the dots of sorrow, reprieve and hard-won hope, How to Lose Everything contains the advice Couture is often asked for, as well as the words she wishes she could have heard many years ago. It is also an offering of kinship and understanding for anyone experiencing a loss.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Canada, Disability, Grief, Biography, Indigenous

208 pages, Hardcover

First published September 19, 2020

Reviews

[Diwali L · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finished this beautiful book in one day. It allowed me space to cry and feel beauty. Expertly and soulfully written, this book does justice to living with immense loss, including revisiting past events with more experienced eyes and tending to those events with the tools that time allows. My goodness, you should all read this book.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Grief has slowly become integrated into my body and my art. Sometimes it still hurts enough that I gasp for air. Less often, grief curls me into a ball and renders me blind to anything outside of my shape. Other times, it moves into my chest as a wave, and with my hand to my heart and a deep breath, I sway until the intensity passes"
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Thoughts~
A beautiful, profound, and moving memoir about grief, heartache and hope.

Couture's writes beautifully and from the heart about the unimaginable losses and layers of her grief. Its hard to envision that one person could be dealt so much loss. She traces her childhood and adolescence with bone cancer that resulted in the amputation of her leg, through the heartbreaking losses of both her infant son's, at separate times, to divorce, and a thyroidectomy that threatened her musical career to becoming pregnant again with a daughter.

This memoir hits so hard. My emotions were a rollercoaster throughtout reading this. Couture does a wonderful job painting a vivid portrait of her life, coming to terms with losing her leg, motherhood, her grief and her hope. How she continues to walk through life with her head up and a smile on her face, carrying all this with her is nothing short of inspiring. This book will be a comfort to thoes living in the throes of grief. It will break you and put you back together again. Thank you to the publisher for sending me this book opinions are my own.
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[Bob · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir broke my heart, repeatedly, and made me think, constantly.

Christa Couture takes the skill with words she honed as a singer-songwriter and applies it to the personal memoir genre to talk and think about her remarkable life, in which she loses a leg to cancer as a child and two children as a woman.

These losses are shattering — how could they not be? — but Couture writes of them with a simplicity and craft that never tips over into maudlin or ‘grief porn’, but tells her story with self-compassion and some deep insights.

Sooner or later, we all deal with loss. And I think we’d all do well to read this book and think about what its lessons might be for us.

[Carys Cragg · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a writer and reviewer of books on loss and grief, How to Lose Everything is profound and I recommend it to anyone wishing to explore the depths of humanity and suffering. How do you lose everything? Christa Couture knows and she’s here to lovingly and ever-so-gently let you in on her hard-won wisdom. She’ll break your heart and put it back together anew: feeling the scars, hearing the echoes, and patiently waiting for the subtle openings of heart-bursting light. Listen closely, because she’ll teach you how to walk again. Read this book. Read this book. Read this book.

[Alexis · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gorgeous, honest, painful and quiet memoir about grief. Christa Couture has been through a lot- childhood cancer, the lost of two sons- and more losses, and she chronicles them in this series of essays.

This is a beautiful, hopeful book.

[As You Wish · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cried. I laughed. I cried some more. I wept like a baby. It was so beautiful to read Christa's story of love and loss and love and loss and the courage to love again. A wonderful, difficult memoir that I'm a better person for reading. If you are afraid of grief, do not read. And probably if you're expecting, it would be a hard read. But if you've lost a child, you will find a companion in these pages.

[Kara Wark · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Resilience sucks."

We so often get caught up in the vacuum of our own hardships we don't spend enough time witnessing and recognizing other's pain. After a year of watching the world struggle through the worst felt pain in decades, it's been overwhelming to know how to absorb all of it. Christa has penned a poignant memoir that invites you to break down and fall apart with her throughout her back-to-back traumas. The relief I felt from feeling with her, letting tears stream down, followed by bouts of giggles lifted the weight that was sitting on my chest through the pandemic. I am so grateful Christa has shared her stories with the world to learn to feel it all.

[Adam Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

A powerful and tender examination of grief by a Canadian Cree woman and musician.

Highly recommend.

[Tiff · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a delight to read. Heart breaking and uplifting all in the same breath. The last 5-10 pages made me cry with self realizations. 4/5

[Caro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tender, kind, touching, brave. Grew on me and with me as I read on. Highly recommend if you're grieving a loss, looking for kinship and hope in loss, or simply love a good memoir.

[kimberley (thearieslibrary) · Rating 5 out of 5]

An educational insight into Christa Couture’s life as an Indigenous (Cree), queer and disabled singer, broadcaster and author who was navigating through a life of grief and loss, which were strong themes from a young age.

I loved seeing the behind the scenes of how different life events served as inspiration for Christa when she was writing songs for albums.

⚠️ CWs: Cancer, Child death, Medical content, Domestic abuse, abortion, grief, Panic attacks/disorders, Toxic relationship, blood, vomiting, mentions person with alcohol use disorder, Animal death, ableism, cultural appropriation ⚠️

[Marla · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are people in this world who have suffered unimaginable loss and still, somehow, manage to travel through their grief, gingerly putting one foot in front of the other to get to the other side. Christa’s memoir is a testament to that determination to honor her sons and herself.

I’ve never met Christa, but I know her story through my friendship with her mom. I followed the parents’ blog during Baby Ford’s year of life. It was because of that knowledge that I knew this book would be honest, raw, heart wrenching and hopeful.

A few years ago, my own daughter lost twin boys, and it was a devastating time. Reading this book brought back painful memories but also reminded me, once again, that loss and grief never completely go away, and we must let the sadness in and listen to it whenever it decides it needs to be heard.

[Jaime M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well done Christa! I’m from Albert too and am the same age so I got a lot of the references to like dancing in your friends’ basement and choreographing dances.

As a woman of similar age, there were many things I identified with as well but I have to admit, the actual instructions for “How to Lose Everything....near the end of the book, had me sobbing. I needed a good sob. I didn’t realize I was grieving until I read her “How to...” section.

Thank you for sharing your story.

[Trish Bolechowsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did not read this book as soon as it arrived. Instead, I set it aside in the pile of books to be read, but on top, where I could see the beautiful cover with the flowered letters.

When I finally picked it up to read it, I didn't get far before I set it down again. This time, it rested on the coffee table. A visiting friend commented on it, asked me why I would want to read such a book. I couldn't answer because I wasn't sure I would read it, wasn't sure I wanted to know what sadness lay within its pages, what sadness and reminders of my own losses that it might stir.

I did pick it back up one dark and rainy day. It seemed a good day for such a book, a day made to wallow in sadness and loss.

Yes, it is a book about sadness and loss. It's also a book about coming to terms with loss, about finding a path through it, of wondering if there is light on the other side and approaching it with uncertainty. It's an uncertainty rooted in the fear of even more loss, the loss of remembering, the loss of honouring, as though letting go even a little might be a requirement for letting new hope in.

It is also a book about wonder, reflection, curiosity and yes, hope. Christa's words pulled me along on her journey, took me with her through her rising expectations and her dashing disappointments. Rather than stirring my own sad memories of loss, I found I was honouring them, as she honours hers.

More than anything else, this is a book of honouring and, eventually, one of hope and of looking forward to a new future. I am very grateful to have taken the journey, to have shared these moments that Christa presents with such clarity and honesty that I feel I have lived them too. I have walked beside her, with respect, with gentle kindness, with love and sorrow and I am left with hope for what lies ahead.

[Em & Tess]

. . . 𝓷/𝓪*
Man oh man, this one was like a gut punch. Simultaneously beautiful and heart-wrenching, Christa Couture bears and shares her grief.

Blessedly, I cannot even fathom the culmination of loss that Couture has endured, but she shines a light into the heart of her grief, inviting you explore your own, whatever the magnitude or weight. She writes with such tenderness and knowing that you get a small glimpse into her unimaginable suffering and remarkable tenacity to find the momentum to carry on.

In sifting through her own complex and longstanding feelings and experiences towards grief and loss, she somehow manages to offer wisdom, comfort, advice, and understanding to others whose lives have been shattered by grief. Interlacing her own songwriting as passages within the pages gave an incredibly intimate understanding into her heart. It is written stunningly, and at times I found her prose so profound that I needed a moment of stillness to absorb her words.

Beautiful, yet devastating, this memoir is soul-bearing at its finest. The continuum of grief is so deeply intertwined with love; hearts heavy with loss are often ones that knew unbounded love.

~👩🏻‍🦰

*𝙼𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚒𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚞𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚎𝚡𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎, 𝚠𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚗’𝚝 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚒𝚝 𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖.

[Marjorie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a story about a woman's life to date. Christa has lost much more than the majority of people born, in the 1960s or 70s here, in Canada. The amputation of her leg to cancer, the deaths of her 2 sons. One at birth and the other at 14 months of a heart defect. The loss then of her marriage. years later surgery again, this time for thyroid cancer which altered her singing voice which is how she made her living. This is the story of how she coped and recovered and didn't entirely from from the death of her sons. It is a well told story and the reader, or this reader felt the stab of pain and despair over the death of those 2 boys. There is a short guide at the end of the book of the things she did to keep going. I particularly liked, sing or sob your most painful memories into the earth. I was told by a man teaching Tai Chi, when I had sickness in my family, 'take your worry and give it to a tree. They are large and can take the worry from you.

[Kathleen Garber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Christa has been through a large amount of trauma and it’s a miracle she’s still standing. Over the years she has dealt with a large amount of loss. As such, she has learned tips for dealing with it. The majority of the book is a memoir of all that she went through. However the last chapter of the book is tips on dealing with loss and grief.

I’ve been lucky not to lose too much (yet) but I’m tempted to keep her book around instead of passing it on so that I can look back at the advice when my time comes to lose those close to me.

Christa’s story is captivating and I read through it in 2 days. I had trouble putting it down. It’s crazy how some people have a lot and others lose a lot. Life isn’t fair after all. However the way Christa pushed on past all these losses is inspiring.

I highly recommend the book for memoir lovers, those who have lost children and anyone who needs advice on loss.

I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review

[Kristina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished “How To Lose Everything.” It’s one of the best books I have ever read, and I have read a lot of books.
Yes, it is well written, a surprise as often I find autobiographies aren’t, even if the content is fantastic. Her writing is so perfectly balanced being poetic, lyrical and descriptive yet is succinct, calm and spare at the same time.
She also plots the story perfectly,moving back and forth in her life in a fitting, graceful and apt manner that enhances her story.
And the content.... holy f*** the content... unbelievably horrific that so much loss could could repeatedly slam into one person’s life. Although she never sidesteps or minimizes her grief and torment, she always refrains from complete annihilation of the ultimately inherent beauty of living one’s given life.

♥️

[Jane Mulkewich · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was introduced to this author because she was a speaker at a literary festival (GritLit in Hamilton), and I wasn't sure how it would be to read a book that seemed to be about so much loss and grief. Well it is about her losses in life, but it is also a story about discovering the gifts that you are given, and what to do with those gifts. A beautiful and thought-provoking book, and a compelling read (you will want to read it all in one sitting). The author's indigenous name is Sanibe, which means Singing Woman. She includes some of her lyrics in the book, but I will now look for opportunities to hear her sing and hear her music. As the dust jacket says, she is an award-winning performing and recording artist, also proudly indigenous (Cree), queer, disabled, and a mom.

[Carolina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Christa Couture has faced challenges many people cannot fathom surviving. Though she is forthcoming about the pain she experienced(s), there is no drama in the tone of her writing. I was moved by her story without the literary equivalent to the artifice of swelling music. There was no need for it - her story, courage and vulnerability capture the reader.

What I especially appreciated was the introspection she includes in her retelling. Each of us accedes to wisdom through the various experiences we have, and we can share that wisdom with others. Without pretension, Ms Couture shares her own learnings with the reader which makes this memoir a true gift.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I give this book 4 stars. It was a sweet memoir that delved into the heartbreaking parts of her Christa's life. Losing her leg as a child and then as an adult losing two children and having a marriage end. I enjoyed reading how she felt about her life and was so sad hearing of the losses she endured in her life. I was drawn to listening to her music as I read her story. Christa's account seemed to be a bit short and I was left wanting to hear more about her life, I hope she puts out another piece of her story. I would recommend this to friends who enjoy memoirs.

[Marika · Rating 4 out of 5]

Author Christa Couture has had many losses in life, most of which would bring many people to their knees. As a young girl she had a leg amputated due to bone cancer, her 1st born child that lived only one day, the death of her 2nd child and then a painful divorce. But this is not a sad book, it is instead, a narrative of resilience, love and of growing from our pain.

Recommended for readers of Joan Didion's "The Year of Magical Thinking."

* I read an advance copy and was not compensated.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have followed this author over the years and am delighted to read her memoir. She talks about grief, loss, motherhood, pregnancy, death and disability. I liked the way she ended the book - while it is hopeful book, there isn't a picture perfect happy ending, though you get the sense that beautiful things are coming for her. Would have liked to learn more about her queer and Indigenous identities.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Christa Couture is a person who feels very deeply, and the stories and poetry in here reflect that. Listening to her albums while reading turned out to be a good idea, as I'd catch lyrics mentioned in a sentence and understand more deeply. This memoir can be heavy at times, but might be the thing you need if you too are grieving.

[Kate Lambert · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew pieces of this story from following Christa on social media, having met her at a point in time. I knew all the sadnesses that this one person had endured, all the loss. I was impressed by how she was able to share all those sadnesses with such a way that I could appreciate all the good in each tragedy, and not feel as though I was a voyeur in her loss.

A beautiful book.

[Abigail · Rating 5 out of 5]

Christa Couture's memoir has stuck with me. I found it an incredible read relevant to so much of my own experiences, while distinct as well. There is so much grief in this memoir. So much loss. So much falls apart. But Couture doesn't get lost in these experiences. She gives us time with her grief, with her accomplishments, with her very wonderful life.

[Oneirica · Rating 4 out of 5]

An artist at the core, the author’s lyrics of lovely; but as a memoir of her life - suffering endless tragedy and grief, the book attempts to lead you toward hope only to discover the pale shrug that ‘someone out there understands …’ I gave this 4 stars for sharing that life can be simply hopeless with nothing more than to wonder what life can offer next ~ I agree.

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was devastatingly beautiful! The author does a truly amazing job of telling you her story and making you look at and sit with grief while also leaving space for hope and growth and the beauty of life. I would truly recommend this book to anyone. This book is a gift.

[CyGrrl · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lovely writing. Found this book to be a comfort as I navigate an overwhelming loss. There was something warm about sitting with someone that has traveled adifficult road. The final pages were particularly poignant.

[Jodie Ponto · Rating 5 out of 5]

Canadian musician Christa Couture's brand spankin' new memoir is a beautiful heartbreaker that burrows into the deepest corners of grief and tells the story of losing her leg, two children, marriage and voice. 5 resilient-as-fuck stars.