The Secret Diary of an Arranged Marriage

Secret Diary of a Bengali Woman #1

by Halima Khatun

(Alternate cover edition of ASIN B084GSTFCW.)

A British-Bengali girl looking for Mr Right. A motley crew of men, some hoping it’s them. A mum on a mission to match make. And an age-old tradition with a twist.

Welcome to the world of the arranged marriage.

“While I’m young, (somewhat) free and single, time is - by Bengali standards - marching on. I’ve got to meet my dream man, or at least someone I can grow to like, and get married. The trouble is, having never fully fit in with my English friends or Asian community, I don’t really know what - or who – I’m looking for.

Luckily (or not) for me, arranged marriages are still a thing. So alongside my own dating efforts, it’s everyone’s business - from my adorable yet overbearing mum, to pretend aunties and profiteering opportunists - to find me a match. With all this help, I’m pretty sure I’ll land a husband, but will he be ‘The One’?”

The Secret Diary of an Arranged Marriage lifts the lid on the intriguing world of British-Bengali matrimony. The debut novel from former journalist Halima Khatun explores family, identity and belonging with acerbic humour.

It’ll change your view of matchmaking for good…

Genres: Romance, Contemporary, Fiction, Chick Lit, Rom Com, Humor, British Literature

195 pages, ebook

First published February 3, 2020

About the author

Halima Khatun is a former journalist (having worked for ITV and the BBC), writer and PR consultant.

Since she was a child, she knew that words would be her thing. With a lifelong passion for writing, Halima wrote her first novel - a coming-of-age children's story - at the age of 12. It was politely turned down by all the major publishing houses. However, proving that writing was indeed her forte, Halima went on to study English and Journalism and was one of just four people in the UK to be granted a BBC scholarship during her postgraduate studies.

She has since written for a number of publications including the HuffPost and Yahoo! Style, and has been featured in the Express, Metro and other national publications. Halima also blogs on lifestyle, food and travel and parenthood on halimabobs.com. This is where she also shares updates on her novels.

Reviews

[Lora · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this story but wasn't a huge fan of the ending. I liked how this was written as just a conversation with a diary. Looks like there's a few more that go with this story... And although I'd really like to find out what happens, I'm going to move on.

[Ritu Bhathal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another one for my Audiobook reads.
I love anything with a cultural twist, and this is a brilliantly funny look at the epic ride when trying to get married as a British-born Bengali woman.
There were many laugh-out-loud moments, and I could relate to so much that was going on within this story!
The protagonist recounts her journey into finding a partner through the arranged marriage route, with a bit of help from internet dating, too, and it was hilarious!
It's like an older, female Adrian Mole with a Bengali twist.
I've already downloaded book 2!

[Jo Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Possibly the funniest book I've read in a while. It's so down to earth funny. I had to stop reading it a lot to search Google. Especially for Ben Afflecks teeth. Don't think I've laughed that much at a sentence in a book ever!!

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really chilled out, easy read. Can’t wait to read the 2nd!

[Lucy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I bought this book on a whim, I read it on a whim and I enjoyed it all the same. This book is about a young woman entering an arranged marriage, in by that she goes to her parents and says she wants to get married and they help her to find a guy. The heroine talks about having to deal with stereotypes around arranged marriages (very different from forced marriages), as well as finding a husband in the first place. She goes on dates, organised through her parents and also not, she discusses the differences between UK Bengali Muslims and Bengali Muslims from Bangladesh as well as what that means inside the culture. She even talks about colourism and I do like how she addressed it when she goes 'I know it's not right but I'm not prepared to be the one to fight decades of racism like this'. That said, I would have liked if the same thing had been done about the fatphobia in it.

I enjoyed the heroine's family, both parents and sisters, as well as a variety of her friends and their opinions about what she is doing. I think I would have liked more about the actual marriage part of the relationship, rather than the woman searching for a marriage which read more like internet dating/dating through friends and family.

3.5 stars!

[Liz · Rating 2 out of 5]

What did I just read?

Written like a series of diary entries by an annoying 15-year-old, this book explores the intricacies of the British-Bangladeshi arranged marriage culture. It’s more cringe than funny, and repeated references to ‘fair skin’ and ‘dark skin’ was a bit much - the protagonist presents herself as liberal and progressive but is a conformist in every sense.

You can get by by skipping quite a lot of this, and though the story picks up a bit towards the end, I wouldn’t recommend it.

[Pinky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book, it is so relatable across all Indian Asians regardless of culture / religion. It hit home for myself in all the different scenarios. I look forward to reading the remaining books in this series

[Sterlingcindysu · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a perfect book to read on a cruise! Witty and so informative. There are certainly advantages to considering an arranged marriage. She offers a follow-up to the guys who "got away", but I like knowing where she's headed.

I'm sure I'm not the only one following Mrs. Maisel's mother as she stands her ground against the "matchmaker's mafia" and even threathen Abe. There has to be new ones coming down the pike, right? The younger matchmaker in this book actually got my sympathy--if only she had be honest at the start.



Read for free on Kindle from Amazon.

[Loretta · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was an interesting look at another culture and how marriage is approached. The diary format was a fun way to tell the story. This is a fictional story but I assume there were elements of accuracy about the marriage process for Bengali women. I always enjoy learning about other cultures and how they are different from what I have known.

[Bernie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lighthearted look at arranged marriages and the Bengali dating game. This story was funny and was dispelling the myths of arranged marriages.
Looking forward to the next book in the series.

[Joop · Rating 3 out of 5]

Whatever the main characters name is is a bit unlikeable and super immature. She shouldn’t be getting married any time soon

[Gabe Reaume · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was fun and easy to read. An enjoyable glimpse into a tradition most Westerners would find perplexing.

[ellie ˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚ · Rating 4 out of 5]

gudd

[Doireann Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really good read

I found this highly entertaining and easy to read. The author is warm and likeable, would definitely like to read the next one

[Shutki Crew · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I first picked up The Secret Diary of an Arranged Marriage, I wasn't expecting to be quite so conflicted about it. The premise was interesting, an inside look at the South Asian arranged marriage process from a young British Bengali woman’s perspective, but the execution left me torn.


At the start, I really struggled with the main character. She came across as embarrassingly out of touch with her culture, often using offensive terms or making flippant comments about body image and appearance that felt outdated and honestly, cringeworthy. The use of language like "slaggy" & referring to women as "bitches" felt especially grating, it wasn't just juvenile, it carried an undercurrent of internalised misogyny that made it hard to empathise with her. Her tone felt whitewashed at times, clearly tailored to make the concept of arranged marriage palatable for non Asian readers. It felt performative rather than authentic, and it alienated me from her right away.


However, as the story progressed, I started to understand where some of her internalised biases were coming from. The moments when she reflected on the colourist remarks she’d received from her own family gave much needed context to her low self esteem and harsh worldview. Still, just as I began to warm up to her, she’d say something cringe worthy, like giving appearance based advice that felt outright mean and steeped in internalised misogyny. I couldn’t shake the feeling that if I met her in real life, I wouldn’t like her.


There were also some problematic generalisations in the book, such as stereotypical comments about Bengali men being "short and dark." As a Bengali author, I expected more nuance and awareness, especially considering how damaging these stereotypes can be within our own communities.


On a technical level, there were moments where the grammar was off ("my pictures in the park came good in the end"), and the use of broken English for the parents didn’t sit well with me. It would have felt more respectful and accurate if their dialogue had been written in standard English with a note explaining it was translated from Bangla.


That said, the character development was genuinely satisfying. Around the halfway mark, I started to notice the main character maturing. Her voice began to feel more grounded, and her interactions, especially with her friend Sophia and her confrontations with other women, showed growth. I loved that she started standing up for herself and challenging the people pleasing tendencies so many South Asian women are conditioned into. Her mother was another highlight, warm, complex, and a joy to read.


There were some cultural inconsistencies that left me scratching my head, like mentions of caste when that’s not a significant part of Sylheti Bengali matchmaking. And the book ends on a cliffhanger, which was more frustrating than intriguing.


Overall, this book was a mixed bag for me. I went from dislike to reluctant respect. Despite its flaws, questionable language, some stereotypes, and editing issues, there’s a clear arc of personal growth, and by the end, I found myself unexpectedly invested.

[M.M. George · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book, it portrays the British South Asian community and its 'coconut' problems quite well. But it gets quite long-winded at places. And it needed much better editing - at times, the basic grammatical mistakes make you cringe.

[Rifa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished The Secret Diary of an Arranged Marriage by Halima Khatun and honestly — it’s the Brown Bridget Jones we deserved! 😭❤️🇧🇩

Halima’s voice is razor-sharp, self-aware and hilarious, and I found myself *laughing out loud, nodding in recognition, and occasionally going back to re-read certain lines just to make sure she actually said that! The way she describes being British-Bengali, navigating dating and arranged marriage expectations, and that never-ending mum matchmaking mission is just chef’s kiss. 

She opens with that brilliantly relatable premise:

“While I’m young, (somewhat) free and single, time is — by Bengali standards — marching on.” 😂
And from everyone — from over-eager aunties to the “pretend relatives who suddenly care about your love life” — it truly is everyone’s business now. 

There were moments where I legit paused and thought, “Did she just describe my own family?” — especially the Bengali mum on a mission to matchmake (absolute gem 💎) and the shukti culture bits that had me cry-laughing because YESSS, we all know it’s Too Real™.

Halima delivers cheeky observations like how everyone suddenly becomes a dating expert the minute you hit a certain age, and those awkward cultural moments with non-Asian friends that are equal parts cringey and endearing. 

And can we talk about the characters?!
🤭 The motley crew of potential suitors — some harmless, some hilarious — and yes, I’m with Team Julie all the way for her old-school charm and delightfully odd-ball takes. 😅

The book even came with a sweet extra short story (‘The Ones That Got Away’) which gives the whole thing another layer of heart — and it just made me want a Netflix adaptation yesterday. Brown girls everywhere would adore this — it’s funny, insightful, authentic and so, so culturally delicious.

If you’ve ever tried explaining shukti, auntie matchmaking, casually measure your “readiness” for marriage, this is the ultimate cringe-but-comedy catharsis. 📖✨

📌 Reading recommendation:
Perfect for brown girls growing up, laughing, and figuring out how the world of love and family expectations really works — with a side of sass and self-reflection. #diversebooks #brownbridgetjones #netflixgetonit #bookstagram

[hiaa123 · Rating 1 out of 5]

"Arranged marriages are NOT a problem. For too long, arranged marriages are actually a bloody brilliant idea. They're a dead cert against being a spinster and growing old alone. It's a cast-iron guarantee that no matter how ugly, how fat or how boring you are, there will be someone for you."

I was being hopeful and optimistic when I decided to give this book a try. I don't often see books written by Bangladeshis about the Bangladeshi experience so I was excited about relating to a story about a young woman navigating arranged marriage setups in the Bengali community and seeing humour and romance unfold. Unfortunately, that's not really how it went for me.

The so-called humour of Helena's diary is mostly just her being incredibly shallow and cringy. In some ways, this book nails a lot of the negative aspects of Bengali culture in views towards marriage and gender and beauty norms. While Helena has some self-awareness, she also completely buys into these values and is desperate to avoid a "spinster" fate and judges the men she encounters by pretty shallow measures. There wasn't really any depth to any character, and there wasn't too much to the plot either, so the whole book was just painful to read.

I also felt like Helena was giving off "not like other girls" vibes in the way she presented herself as so unique with her love of food, desire to dress comfortably, and amazing "wordsmith" skills (which I certainly saw no evidence of). I was not impressed. Disappointing book.

[Goth Gone Grey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting glimpse into one woman's experiences

I'm a high bar for the 'laugh out loud' claim, which never happened for me while reading. However, it is an interesting diary of the author and her family's quest to find her a suitable boy at the near-spinster age of 25.

Her list for an ideal lad includes Begali, Muslim, not too short, or too light, or too dark, with an appropriate job, chivalrous attitude, matching religious beliefs, and more. She's self-aware enough to recognize that some of her standards are shallow.

As with other life journeys, it's the ride more than the destination. The process of proper arranged dating is shown, as well as sneaking into an online dating site, while still being proper.

Overall a good read. An example:

"The BBC says there’s a spread of loneliness in Britain, a growing epidemic of people living in isolation as they haven’t settled down and are facing old age alone. This is where the arranged marriage would have come in handy. In western culture, you’re left to it. If you’re single, it’s not really anyone’s problem but your own. In Asian culture, it’s everyone’s business and mission to find you a match."

[Lea Niven-Smith · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked this up as a quick final read for my June TBR. Interested in the diary aspect of the book, however it fell short for me.

To begin with, it was interested to get an insight into arranged marriages, written by a Benghali author, and therefore trusting that the information to be accurate. It was also an interesting insight into inter-race racism, something that I wouldn't have had any knowledge of if I hadn't have ready these books. I think it's fantastic and really educational to have books like this available to educate us on different cultures in a more light hearted way!

Although, I began to realise that the entries were really far apart, the book took place well over a year and everything felt quite superficial. I don't feel like I know the character and after going through the whole book, I was so disappointed with the ending, and felt robbed of the next party of the story. Yes, a part of me is interested to see what happened but unfortunately, this isn't a book I'd be willing to purchase to find out, particularly if I would just be disappointed again at the end.

[Donna Woodard · Rating 4 out of 5]

I knew nothing about arranged marriages and nothing about Muslim British- Bangladeshi women. For that alone, this was an interesting read. Her story is written in first person but there is none of the “day by day” record. She is pretty direct and forthcoming about her own prejudices. I didn’t laugh-out-loud and I didn’t cringe. It’s a pretty lighthearted, slightly desperate story. I think it’s an appropriate read for girls as young as teens although the writer is 26.

Really, humanizes the arranged marriage of a mostly modern adult woman of particular culture. She isn’t a child bride. She isn’t forced but more “pressured” to marry in time to have kids and to marry within her culture.

I will say, this cultural practice is likely different than might be experienced by Muslim women in less progressive countries but I can’t say. My husband’s grandmother’s father (Catholic, early 1900s) arranged her marriage and brought her from Poland for it. This wasn’t unusual among immigrants of the time.

[Pontiki · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a British Bengali woman, seeking an arranged marriage isn’t unusual. But, while she’s open to it, she also doesn’t want to rely on parents, family members, or a matchmaker on the side.

So, adding in the internet and trying to learn more about all her potential suitors, there’s confusion, frustration, anticipation, and in the end, success.

I love how the world of arranged marriage is described in modern ways, and that this independent woman learns her older sisters didn’t follow all the traditional rules, nor did her Mom enforce them.

There’s a lot of humour in this arduous process, from getting a good picture for her bio data file, to promises made and forgotten by people, to fiascos of coffee dates with men online.

Great book, but I do wish the end had been satisfying, no need for a cliffhanger of sorts.

[Jane Willis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book - and was fascinated by it too. It answered so many of the questions I have about the lives, relationships and traditions of my brown friends and acquaintances, the kind of thing it is considered rude, personal or even racist to ask when in fact it's just genuine curiosity. Halima Khatun has realised that curiosity isn't necessarily offensive and has produced a warm, witty, romantic read that also leads the reader towards understanding a lot of the features of the culture of the Bangladeshi community in Britain. Yet by the end of the book I didn't feel that I'd been taught or preached at in any way, just that I'd had a blooming great few hours of reading. It takes an excellent writer to educate and entertain at the same time, and I hope we will see a lot more books from Halima - I'm ready and waiting for them.

[Shazmin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A witty and refreshing take on modern day dating for the average brown girl.

As being a British-Bengali girl myself, I felt like I was chatting with a long lost friend and we were discussing our lives over coffee. Halima has a humorous and warm writing-style. Having been through similar experiences, it was very relatable and I felt like I had an epiphany almost, I am not the only brown girl going through this! I adored her honesty as this is very rare in Asian cultures.

I would having given this the full five stars however there was one comment about 'standing next to fat girls at weddings' which did leave a sour taste in my mouth.

This will be a definite re-read for me, I wish it was also an audiobook!

[Rudo Makoni · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fun read! I wanted to get into something light and this book provided just that. I learnt so much about Bengali/Muslim culture, as well as the mechanisms that go into an arranged marriage. The main character was annoying at times but I couldn’t help but root for her. At times her internal monologue was a bit childish, it skipped my mind several times that she was 26, but I chalk her naivety to being smothered at home. You can see that she really grows as a character with the help of her friends, which is really lovely to see.
A persistent gripe I had were the nicknames (e.g. big sis, little sis, shy-guy etc). I know the diary was meant to be secret but it made it sound just a teeny bit juvenile.

[Warren · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a tough one to rate for me. I liked it well enough, though our heroine was a bit frustrating at times. I enjoyed reading a bit about another culture, and while I'm sure this isn't necessarily everyone's experience, it was neat to see some of the similarities and differences.

I think if Goodreads allowed for half ratings, this would be an easy 3.5 for me. I liked it, but wouldn't quite say I REALLY liked it (it picked up at the end a lot, though). I will say that the ending drove me crazy. The author, Halima, clearly knew what she was doing. That's one well baited hook!

I don't tend to read book series because a lot of authors carry them on for way too long, but this series doesn't appear to do that. While I'm not going to rush out and buy the next book, it's definitely going on my list.

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

While the Hoopla Bonus Reads are a good idea in theory, this was not a great indicator of their quality. Is this a romance? It's about dating customs but there isn't much actual romance. And just when you think she's headed for HEA (happily ever after if you don't know the shorthand)...it ends.
So...it's safe to assume the in-person date goes well? The author teases her next book with the first chapter and the chapter doesn't really give much, either. It's an interesting concept for a book, but could have used some polishing.
There was a review commenting about basic grammatical errors and I wholeheartedly agree.

[Kulsuma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book about a tradition I know little about. The author writes with so much passion and conviction that I was unable to put this book down. A truely unique find, this is definitely a rare gem which I feel rather smug about discovering.. Expect laughs and the odd tear along the way as we listen in on the heroines memoirs as she embarks on the time old tradition of finding her Mr.Right. A beautifully written book that rightfully deserves to be on everyones next reading list. Can't wait for her next title now.

[Stacywriting · Rating 4 out of 5]

I went into this book with 0 expectations and was more than pleasantly surprised. Halima Khatun is warm, funny, likeable, and very relatable.
Even though she is a twenty-ish British-Bengali woman and I am a forty year-old half-Brit-Caribbean-born-and-raised woman, I was completely engaged in her story.
It gives us a very honest insight into (Bengali) arranged marriages in Britain.
Besides the topic, the writing is crisp, clear, and laugh-out-loud funny. I've already started on her second book and I am sure that I won't be disappointed.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

cute and funny

Also quite enlightening as to at least one variation on the modern South Asian way of matchmaking. I have had a number of Indian friends who are in arranged marriages and every story is a little bit different, but none were quite as funny or original as this one…which might very well be true, for all I know! I can’t wait to find out what happens next, as the narrator is about to meet the boy she’s been messaging online for weeks and this ends on a bit of a cliffhanger, so I’m off to the sequel!